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Neil looks handsome.
Hair soft and sun-kissed by those beautiful sun rays. He has his reading glasses on to appear more presentable, his tie is tightened to the point he feels like he’s choking.
He’s got that apologetic smile flashing towards him, just barely, but it’s always there.
He wants to cry, tear his heart asunder, and let it burn in a hole.
Because Neil, kind, sweet, Neil, is marrying Ginny Danburry. Because he’d never be able to love someone like Todd, and he should’ve known that. Ginny was everything he wasn’t.
She was smart, funny, polite and patient, most importantly, she was a woman.
Todd feels as if he’s going to cry.
Don’t cry Todd, this is Neil’s and Ginny’s wedding. I can’t ruin this special day for them.
So he prepares to sit and patiently wait. He sits at the very back, away from prying eyes, and the apologetic glances of the poets.
He pretends to read a book while he waits, his small handheld collection of Walt Whitmans poems, he hand binded for occasions he wasn’t into chatting.
Ginny has her bridesmaids surrounding her, making sure her veil doesn’t fall apart, pinning her dress properly, doing buttons she couldn’t quite reach.
What does hurt her the most is Todd’s pained face. She can see how his heart breaks with every glance. It hurts her just as much, but if she were honest to the stars, she didn’t really love Neil.
She did it for them.
She accepted because she cares about her friends, she’s heard the way people talk of gay marriage, the way they throw slurs and insults like it’s the end of the world. With this Marriage, to the law and to the world Ginny and Neil are married.
But to their hearts, Todd and Neil were always meant to be, to walk down the isle, hand in hand, share the vows that binds their hearts into one, for death, for life, they’re bound by heart.
She knows this.
But she’s okay with it, she knows it’s better for everyone to assume they’re married. Besides she wasn’t interested in marriage anyway, she liked being alone, and wouldn’t mind being roommates with both Neil and Todd.
When she peeked around the corner, she saw her parents happy faces, as they quietly chatted with Tom Perry and Virginia Perry, sharing what seemed like baby photos, that her parents had always decided to carry with them in their wallets.
She tightens her dress’ corset to avoid that guilty feeling lingering ever closer. “Ginny? It’s almost time,” her bridesmaid Chris tells her.
”I’ll be out in a minute!”
Chris quickly rushes to Neil’s dressing room, knocking on the door. “Neil, are you ready?”
”Almost, thank you Chris.”
Chris prepares the other bridesmaids to start walking the walkway and drop rose petals on the royal red carpet.
Then, the bell of the nearby church rang, a cacophony of noise ringing through their small rented venue. Neil emerged from the right and started his walk down the runway, patiently turning to wait for Ginny.
Their hired pianist begun playing the music for Ginny’s arrival.
Neil couldn’t help but wander the seating with his eyes, first he saw his Father and he wanted to internally throw up, his mother was kinder and he felt bad for lying to her.
Then, seeing the poets made him happier, but where was Todd? He wasn’t sat with the poets. Lastly his eyes scanned the back. Only to see a forced-smile Todd sat at the very back, god he wanted to kiss that sadness off his face, hold Todd close.
Todd watches in pain as Ginny appears, her beautiful dress and veil were incredible. In his mind, he takes Ginny’s place, in his mind it’s him and Neil, with a society that doesn’t judge him for who he happens to love.
Ginny gently takes a step towards the officiant that weds them.
The pianist stops playing, so their vows echo like the end of the world.
“I, Neil Perry, vow, in life and death, to protect, cherish, and love Ginny with every atom of my being, until death do us part.”
He takes the ring off the pillow Chris holds, gently and places it on Ginny’s finger.
”As for I, Ginny Danburry, vow, in every version of this life, to protect you, shield you, in health, life and sickness, until death do us part.”
The Officiant smiles and looks at the couple lovingly, and Todd wants to cry, curl into a ball and die.
”Do you, Neil Perry, take Ginny Danburry, to be your wife?”
”I do.”
”Do you, Ginny Danburry, take Neil Perry to be your husband?”
”I do.”
The officiant steps back a little allowing the two freedom. “You may kiss the bride.”
Neil doesn’t exactly kiss her lips, just the side but enough to fool his Father’s eyes. Ginny smiles and returns the favour.
Then the two allow for a dance, and Ginny throws her bouquet, which just so happens to land in Todd’s arms.
It’s the end of the world.
Todd’s mind tells him, a nagging, painful feeling, as he excuses himself to the bathroom when the party begins.
He can’t face the world. Not like this. Not when his tears are streaming down his face, leaving that awfully salty taste in his mouth, as he sneaks his way into the balcony of the venue, and stares at the sky.
He loves Neil, and maybe it’s okay to let go.