Work Text:
"So, you're the girlfriend, huh?"
You let out a startled shout and whirled around at the unexpected voice, nearly losing your balance. Your back crashing into the main door of your apartment building was the only thing that kept you from completely falling over. You'd slipped your keys between your knuckles on the walk back from the bus station, and as you spun around, your arm came up defensively, ready to use against whoever had come up behind you.
Two people stood on the sidewalk. One of them was a blonde woman in a purple costume, while the other was a slim figure in a black outfit with gold detailing, who you were pretty sure was another woman based on their stance but couldn't be completely sure. Both vigilantes - because that’s obviously who they were - had some kind of cloth mask covering the bottom half of their face that reminded you of cliche movie ninjas.
"Reflexes aren't bad," the blonde woman declared. She glanced over at the other person. "What'd you think?"
They were silent for a while, and you felt like their eyes, which were the only thing you could see above the mask, were cutting into and evaluating you. Finally they nodded. “Acceptable,” the woman under the mask decided.
You just stared at the two of them, trying to figure out why they were here. “Uh…. thanks?” Now that the initial scare of a random voice behind you was fading, your heart rate was calming down to something resembling normal, and you relaxed a little bit.
“I’m Spoiler,” the blonde woman said cheerfully. “This is Orphan. And you must be the girlfriend that Hood refuses to talk about.”
“Uh. I’m the nurse, yeah,” you corrected, giving them your name.
Spoiler shrugged. “Like I said. The girlfriend.”
….you were too tired to continue arguing with that right now. You shook your head a little to clear it, then gestured at the building’s door behind you. “So, were you just here to introduce yourselves and that’s it? Or are you going to say that Jay sent you to check on me, so you need to see my place to see if it's safe?”
Spoiler’s eyes crinkled like she was grinning under her mask. “Oh I like you. You’re smart.”
“I’ve also just been around too many vigilantes. I’m starting to learn how you guys think.” You rolled your eyes as you opened the door. “Come on then, I guess.” You went through the door first, then held it open for the two people behind you, turning as you did. Except there was only one person standing there. Spoiler followed you inside, but Orphan had apparently just vanished. Confused, you turned back around and froze when you saw Orphan already standing inside the building, about three steps away from you.
You stood there holding the door for another couple of seconds in mild surprise, blinking quickly as your mind tried to process how in the hell she'd gotten around both you and Spoiler in complete silence. You eyed her carefully. She seemed to be studying you in return.
Eventually you said, "I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think you might be the scariest of all the bats. And I met Batman a few weeks ago."
You weren't completely sure, but it looked like her eyes crinkled a tiny bit above her mask, like your comment had amused her. "Spoiler’s right. You're smart."
"...oh. Thanks, I guess." Remembering that you were still standing in the open doorway, you finally forced yourself into action. "C'mon. The stairs are this way." You led the way over to the stairwell, then started the seemingly endless trek upstairs. When you finally reached the top of the four flights of stairs, you paused for a moment and stared up at the ceiling, breathing deeply. "God I hate the stairs," you muttered.
"Could've grappled," Orphan suggested, sounding completely unaffected.
"Sure, you could've. But then you'd still just be waiting for me to get there before you could get into the apartment." Spoiler just raised her eyebrows meaningfully, and you rolled your eyes. "Yeah, I know, I know, you all can break in whenever you want. But I'm pretending that you can't because I need to keep at least a tiny bit of my sanity. Here, my apartment's down at the end of the hall."
You walked all the way to the last door and unlocked it. "You should get that fixed," Spoiler commented as she watched you jiggle the handle.
"Yeah, probably," you replied in a tone that clearly said you weren't actually going to. "But I doubt the landlord would actually get around to it, and I don't know how. Anyway, it's fine. It locks perfectly fine, and that's the important thing."
Eventually you got the door open and walked in, holding open the door again for the vigilantes to wander around your space. Orphan only moved a little into the room, staying along one wall as she surveyed the room. Meanwhile Spoiler walked all the way to the middle of the living room, hands on her hips, and announced, "It's cozy. I like it." Then she spun around to face you, her hands going behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "So you met Batman, right? We heard about that. How'd it go?"
"Not well," you said dryly. "Apparently the only reason I'm interesting at all to Batman is because he thought I had ulterior motives for befriending Jay, so he came to interrogate."
"You mean investigate."
"It was the same thing."
Spoiler's eyes crinkled again, and you could hear the smirk in her voice. "So do you? Have 'ulterior motives' toward Jay?"
Whoops. You instantly realized that you'd made a mistake with your wording, and you were pretty sure you were about to get grilled on it. "No. He's a friend, that's it."
"Just a friend?" Spoiler echoed. "You've gotta be kidding me."
"Not many people call him Jay," Orphan chimed in from behind you, and you jumped a little, having half-forgotten she was there.
You narrowed your eyes as you looked back and forth between the two of them. "Great. Good to know. But we're just friends." Despite the fact that you were starting to wish otherwise.
"We're just… curious, that's all," Spoiler assured you.
You glanced from her to Orphan again, taking in the way both of them were studying you. Spoiler seemed cheerful and bubbly, but her eyes drifted around the apartment every so often, clearly taking everything in. Orphan was more closed off and harder to read. But when she looked at you, you felt like she could tell everything about you without you saying a single word. It was honestly the tiniest bit unnerving.
And then you remembered that they were also vigilantes. They had secret identities of their own, and they presumably worked with Jay now and again, so they were probably a little wary about you being around. You realized that they were here for the same reason Batman had been; they were just being nicer about it.
"Yeah, okay," you relented. "What kind of questions do you have?"
"How long have you been seeing him?" Spoiler demanded immediately.
"I've known him for six months, I'm not 'seeing' him," you answered as you hung your bag and coat on the hooks by the door. Your keys got dropped into the dish on the dining table.
"How'd you meet him?"
"He fell on my fire escape and I stitched up a leg wound he had."
"And so he decided to keep coming around? Because you're a nurse?"
"Because Alex insisted on it. He's my son," you added when you got two puzzled looks in return.
Spoiler gasped and clasped her hands together. "A baby?!"
You couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. "Well he's eight, so not exactly. But yeah, Alex wanted Jay to come back, and… y'know, I haven't gotten rid of him yet."
"Because clearly the two of you like each other," Spoiler joked. Except you kinda froze for a second and didn't immediately correct her. She gasped again. "You do like him!"
You brushed the comment off with a quick, "It doesn't matter" as you headed toward the kitchen, planning to find some kind of snack to eat now that you were home from work.
Spoiler followed. "It doesn't matter?!" she echoed. "Of course it matters! That's great news!"
"Alright, first of all, none of this conversation leaves my apartment," you said as you pointed a spoon at her. There was a container of chocolate frosting in the fridge, which sounded like a great way to destress from work. Plus you could tell that you weren't getting out of this conversation; Spoiler didn't seem like the kind of person to give up easily, and you didn't have the inclination to really argue with her. Honestly she kinda felt like a sister you never had. "Second, why is that good news? I'm not going to do anything about it. There's no point to."
"No point? No point? Orphan, back me up here!"
Orphan appeared out of fucking nowhere on your other side. "Why?" she asked.
"Why?? Do neither of you see how this could be a great development?"
"Maybe it would, except I'm not going to act on it," you repeated. You ate a spoonful of the frosting, then shrugged at Spoiler. "One, I have no guarantee that it's mutual. Two, even if it was, Jay's a vigilante, and I can't imagine you guys are in the habit of starting relationships with civilians. Right?"
Spoiler's mask moved like she opened her mouth to argue, but she didn't actually say anything. You raised an eyebrow. "....yeah okay, but maybe this time it'd be different," she muttered quietly.
"I doubt it," you said honestly, but you made sure to keep your voice light, not like you were trying to argue. "Listen… do I like Jay? Yeah. Do I think a relationship would be something that might happen? No, I doubt it. So I don't see a point to get my hopes up only to have them ruined later."
Spoiler stared at you for a long moment. "That's an incredibly sad way to think," she said, sounding dejected.
You gave a tiny shrug again. "My life hasn't been all that great before now. I've kinda turned into a pessimist."
"Good match for Hood," Orphan spoke up.
You paused, gave her a narrow-eyed look for a moment, then pointed a finger at her. "I'm pretty sure he's more of a realist, actually. But besides that; cut this out. It feels like you two are trying to play match-maker here, and I don't need it. I can handle my own relationships just fine on my own, thank you very much."
"More like lack of relationships," Spoiler muttered under her breath.
"Rude."
"Am I wrong?" You stuck another spoonful of frosting in your mouth to avoid answering. Spoiler's mask twitched like she was grinning, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Well?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," you claimed. "I have my life completely together all of the time."
"Orphan, I think she's trying to bullshit us."
"Is it working?"
"Not in the slightest."
"Damn."