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Hajime supposes it's because he's one of the latter Servants to join Chaldea— Well, guess it's technically Novum Chaldea now. Anyway, he doesn't exactly share the same sentiment as most of the other Servants. Not that he'll slack off when it comes to protecting their precious Master-chan or anything like that, but if she ever wanted to tap out of this whole "saving all of humanity" sham, he'll be the first to support her decision. Heck, he'll even volunteer to put any dissenters in their place.
She has her pride, though. That Master-chan. For someone who survived as much as she has, of course she does. So obviously one can't voice the thought however the hell they wanted.
One misstep and she might take it the wrong way. All the work she put in? Completely discredited. Can't have that happening, so in tried and true Hajime-chan fashion, he lets her know every Valentine's Day over a good bowl of shoyu ramen.
If things get really bad… If you really can't shoulder it anymore, come talk to me.
Aaaa~aahh… Not like he doesn't wanna do his part or anything like that, but in place that's got more than it's fair share of folk with magic swords, normal folk like Hajime doing nightly patrol is complete over-ki…
Ah.
Well, look at who his lucky self managed to run into. If it isn't his dangerously carefree Master-cha—
Actually, she looks pretty worse for wear. Her shoulders are so close to her ears, he wouldn't be surprised if they managed to get stuck there somehow. Heck, he's less than a half a meter away and she still hasn't noticed him yet.
…One of those days, huh?
He sidles up next to where she's sitting, making sure to make his presence as obvious as he can.
"Oya? If it isn't Master-chan."
She still ends up rattled. "Oh! Hajime-chan. Yo."
"Yo," Hajime parrots back.
Uwa… This a rare sight if there ever was one. The circles under her eyes are just as bad as his own. No, worse, even.
(He knows better than to comment on that part, though.)
"So? What's my dear Master-chan doing out here all by her lonesome way after hours?"
"Oh, no, is Hajime-chan going fine me?"
Her grin is more of a wince.
Ah… This is bad. He's not exactly the best at mood making. Usually, that's Master's area of expertise. And, well, she's very much in no state for that right now.
At the same time, if Master doesn't wanna talk about it, he's not going to pry. That just isn't his style.
Hajime leans against the wall right beside the bench where Master sits and idly fiddles with the hit of one of his swords. "Nah, I don't get paid nearly eno— I mean, as far as I know, this is a first time offense. Most you're going to get is a tiny bit of scolding and an escort back to your room."
He glances out of the corner of his eye to see Master stifling a laugh in her hand. Shoulders are still tense, though. So… partial success. Eh, he'll take it.
Master's hands fall to her lap and she begins to tap together her fingertips slowly.
"Uhm… Hajime-chan?"
It's a long shot, really. There are things that even her very first Servant doesn't know, he's sure of it. Still, he gives her the space.
"Yes, Master-chan?"
Her face is scrunched up in a full on grimace now. There's a low-hanging joke waiting there, but Hajime ignores it. She takes a deep breath in before ripping off her proverbial bandage.
"You know? About. About your offer…? To, you know?"
Offer…?
No way.
Wait, wait, he's jumping to conclusions. Master's being way too vague. It can be about anything at this point. Patience is the game here. Besides, he's the last person who can tell someone off for beating around the bush.
"Mmm, yeah?"
"I— If. If it's okay…? It's kinda too much to shoulder right now."
Hajime finds himself already halfway off the wall, muscles tense. Hindsight is twenty out of twenty, but, in this moment, it's like a bolt from the blue. That choice in words is way too specific.
At least he remembers to keep his tone casual. "Oho? Finally taking it?" To be extra safe, he tacks on a, "Just kidding."
"Ah, no…" She smiles ruefully. "That's not quite— I— If we could, you know…? Pretend?"
Yeah, he should have known better. At least they're roughly on the same page now. Hajime relaxes back against the wall and goes back to fiddling with the hilt of his sword.
"Pretend?"
Master nods eagerly, but quickly kills her enthusiasm. She waves her hands frantically, adding, "Ah— not for long! Just for a couple hours! No, less than that! As a form of, uh, stress relief, I guess? If— If that's okay?"
'If it's okay.'
Hajime does his best not to openly wince. Master's asked that question one too many times for his liking. Acting like she's asking for something that's completely off the table.
Outwardly, he gives her a lazy smile and a drawled out, "Sure."
Master's mouth closes with an audible snap. He would have laughed at the look on her face if it weren't for the current situation.
"…Really?"
"Really, really."
Finally, some of the tension leaves her shoulders.
"Oh. Uhm. I plan on using the Simulator for it. If that's okay? Just let me know what time works best for you and—"
"The Simulator? That's fine with me. Let's meet up in—" Hajime lifts up his arms and pushes back his sleeve, checking at an imaginary watch. "Let's say two hours from now, yeah? That gives Hajime-chan the time he needs to wrap up his shift and put together a few things on his end."
Master's eyes widen in surprise. "Eh, tonight?"
He's not the only one who's noticed it. How ragged Master seems to be lately. How her eyes seem to be in a perpetual state of red and puffy. The medication she ends up asking from Nemo Nurse is concerning, and that's putting it mildly. So their dear Master-chan indulging in a little escapism won't hurt anybody.
Hajime tilts his head at her. "No good?"
She shakes her head in turn. "No, it's just that I was thinking more when you had the time."
This Master-chan, always so considerate of everything except herself.
Hajime shrugs. "There's no time like the present, yeah? No use keeping that negative stuff all bottled up."
The rest of the tension gradually leaves her shoulders as she gives him a grateful smile.
(It's heartbreaking.)
"Thank you. See you in two hours, Hajime-chan."
•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•●•
Hajime peeks at the time on the Simulator monitor display. Huh. Still early despite all the stuff he had to do. Well, it all works out in the end. He knows better than anyone than to keep a lady waiting. Those guys would never let him hear the end of it if they ever found out he stood up Master. (Sure, Hajime's the best out of all of them when it comes to running, but even he'll have trouble if Shinsengumi's finest decided to gang up on him.)
A couple moments later, Hajime hears the sounds of running, followed by a loudly whispered, rushed out, "I'm so sorry I'm late—!"
The person of the hour comes to a stop in front of him, her back hunched over as she tries to catch her breath.
"Did— Did I make you… wait long…?"
Hajime fixes up the mussed strands of her hair with deft, light fingers. "Nah, just got here myself."
When Master straightens up, he's met with skepticism, but she quickly gets distracted by the knapsack he has slung over his shoulder, if her pointing is anything to go by.
"That's…?"
"Oh, this old thing?" Hajime brings the bag to Master's full view. "Mmm… A surprise?"
Master pouts. "Stingy."
"Now, now, Master-chan," he chides as he slings the pack back over his shoulder, "there's virtue in patience."
Alas, his lecture falls upon unwilling ears.
"Hajime-chan. Stingy."
Hajime barks out a laugh. "What's up with the broken Japanese?"
Mm… Probably not the best timing, but something's been nagging at him.
"Hey, Master-chan. Not saying the Simulator isn't a good place, but won't whatever we do in there be recorded?"
"Eh? Ah, that? Fear not!" Master gives him a winning grin accompanied by a peace sign. "I got that covered. I asked Da Vinci-chan for a favor and she gave me a special one time code that would permanently wipe exactly one Simulator log entry."
Hajime low whistles, impressed. "As expected of Master-chan."
He accents his praise with a round of applause, amused by how Master lets her nose grow for a bit.
Just to give himself something to do, he watches over her shoulder as she adjusts the settings to the Bleached Earth at night. No enemies.
Honestly, no matter how many times he's seen it in real life, the sight is unsettling as hell. An expanse of white with the occasional cluster of run-down, abandoned buildings, as far as the eye can see, without a single sign of life. They climb the stairs of one of these buildings, all the way up to roof in silence.
Master pushes aside of what remains of the door— Hajime is surprised that the thing is able to stay on it's remaining hinge— and they immediately get assaulted by a strong gust of wind.
If Hajime, a Servant, can't suppress the urge to shiver, he can't imagine how it is right now for Master. Sure, they say her Mystic Codes are infused with magic to keep her warm, along with a bunch of other jargon he could care less about, but she's all legs right now. Literally.
"Oi~ My dear Master-chan?"
She pauses in her tracks and glances over her shoulder at him, confusion clear on her face. He gestures for her to come over and mentally pats himself on the back for wearing his long coat.
Obediently, she trots over to him. The moment Master is within arm's length, Hajime takes off his coat and unceremoniously drapes it over her shoulders. She opens her mouth to protest, but he quickly cuts her off.
"Now, now, I'm not gonna take any chances— letting our precious Master-chan catch a cold. More than just the Medical Bay Servants will come for poor Hajime-chan's head, you know."
And his Master-chan has quite an array of scary Servants that this invincible blade absolutely wouldn't wanna cross.
"Okay…" She sighs, giving him a look that clearly says, 'it can't be helped,' and pulls his coat around herself a little closer.
With a crooked smile, Hajime leans against the nearest stable surface and gestures vaguely at the expanse in front of them.
"Well, have at it. Pretend that I'm not even here."
Master shoots him a grateful smile and a nod, and Hajime watches on as she walks to the edge and places her hands firmly on what's left of the ledge. Her back looks especially small in his coat against the expanse of the night sky. She takes a deep breath in, then lets out an agonized scream.
"It's not fair!"
Her voice reverberates across the void, causing Hajime's hair to stand on end.
"I'm doing the best that I can! What else do you want from me?! I didn't even ask for any of this! Sure, I sinned, I sinned a lot, but a whole lot of it was in self-defense! Don't give me that 'no better than the other guy' crap! That's bullshit!!!
Give me back my life! All the things that people my age are supposed to be going through! They don't have ugly scars that cover every inch of their body! They don't have to worry about their nerves and joints not working anymore! Give them back!! All the years I lost from all the ampule I had to use! What am I supposed to tell my parents, huh?! 'Be prepared to bury their child in 5 years, 10 if you're lucky'?! Cut the crap!!!
Give it back!! Every one I've lost!! All my friends! My sen-!"
She chokes on a breath and all but collapses to the floor, clutching desperately at her chest as her shoulders heave.
…That's his cue.
Hajime briskly makes his way to her and couches down beside her, gently rubbing her back as he encourages her to breathe.
"Follow my breathing, Master-chan… That's it, that's it… In, out…."
When she's stable enough, he digs a handkerchief out from his inner pocket and hands it to her. While she cleans her face, he fishes for the thermos he packed warm tea in. Getting roped in by that— Sitting in on those lessons Tea Master-san held was a good call.
"Sorry…" She sniffles loudly and gives the soiled handkerchief in her hands a dismayed grimace. "I'll wash it and give it back to you as soon as I can."
"Nah, take your time. Keep it, even. I got plenty of those things," Hajime tells her blithely as he pours out the tea, then carefully hands the thermos cup to her.
"Thanks, Hajime-chan…"
She takes it with a grateful smile and blows on its contents gently, her face lighting up after taking a careful sip.
"Yummy—!"
Now it's Hajime's turn to have a long nose. "Is it~? It's Hajime-chan's specialty blend. Ah, it doesn't have a proper name yet, though."
"Eh? You made this? I had no idea you were into tea like that!"
He really isn't, but he's not about to provoke a Berserker with barely any sense to their name, especially if he doesn't need to. Though, seriously, isn't making tea and calligraphy too much of a gap…?
"Now, now, Master-chan. You should know this invincible sword is a man of many talents."
She giggles, "Right, right," then taps the side of her chin in thought. "As for the name… How about 'Hajime-chan Special: Tea Version'?"
'Tea… Version'…?
"Pfft— What the heck?"
Clearly, that wasn't the reaction Master wanted, because she pouts at him and even gives his arm a weak punch.
"Oh, come on! It fits!"
Fine, fine. He'll play along.
"Okay, say that it does. Why 'Tea Version'?"
She clicks her tongue at him. (Eh… why?) "Because you already made me a 'Hajime-chan Special' a couple years back, remember? You know, when we ran into each other at the buffet you got roped into helping with. If we don't differentiate them, it'll get really confusing! Trust me!"
Oh, believe him, he does. All those Bathorys and Pendragons. And people who look like Pendragons… Ah, just thinking about it makes his head hurt.
"Alright, alright. 'Hajime-chan Special: Tea Version,' it is."
What a mouthful though… Still, it's touching how she's able to remember even the little things. How very Master-like of her.
She finishes off what's left in the cup and eagerly hold it out to him. "Refill, please!"
Hajime-chan can't help but chuckle. This change is mood is good. It's almost as if her break down from earlier was a lie.
"Yes, yes. One refill, coming right up."
They sit in silence after that, enjoying the warmth of the tea. After finishing a few more cups, Master finally speaks up.
"You know… I thought about it a lot. Quitting and let someone else figure out how to fix this mess. About how running away with you would look like." She takes a moment to laugh, a pretty pitiful one at that. "It'd be impossible. You're a Servant from the Throne. There's definitely a limit to how much you can defy Alaya, if you even can in the first place."
Hajime rubs the back of his neck with a wince. Right where it hurts, huh?
"Yeah, there's no way I can argue with that. But if it means anything, I would hold out as long as I could for you."
"Thank you," Master says with a warm smile. She sets aside the thermos cup and stretches out her arms. "Aaa~aaah~! I made the right choice to ask Hajime-chan for this!"
She lowers them, leaning back on her hands as she stares up at the sky. "I might not know the exact reason why, but you're probably the first one who told me that it's okay to want to run away. To admit that it's too much. I'm really grateful for that."
…This shouldn't be the case at all. Someone should have held an intervention a long ass time ago.
Hajime makes the mistake of staring too long. Master's eyes meet his, cutting straight through him and something tells him he won't like she says next.
"Hey, Hajime-chan? Why did you decide to become a Servant?"
Oi, oi… What is this? 'My Room' bonding time?
Memories— Okita, wasting away on her futon, gazing longingly at the world outside; the Vice-Commander, telling him to follow his truth; Yamanami— flash across his mind.
"A second lease on life? Just kidding~" Like hell he cares about that crap. He shrugs. "Honestly, it's been so long, I don't really remember."
She sees right through it all, judging by that smile. Ah, right. The sharing dreams thing works both ways. Ah, what a pain. Thankfully, though, she doesn't rub salt in the wound.
"Well, I'm glad you answered my summons."
Eh… They're doing this now? Alright, alright, fine. Hajime-chan will humor her, if only just this once.
"…I'm glad you called for me."
(For once, he doesn't tack on that he's joking.)
For a while, the two of them just sit there, listening to the occasional howl of the wind. Then, Master finishes the rest of her drink and stands back on her feet, expression determined.
"Hajime-chan. You should step back and cover your ears. Imma scream again."
"Have at it," he drawls as he also drags himself up on his feet, then walks backwards to a safer distance, "Let it aaaalllll out."
She giggles and gives him a thumbs up. "I will!"
Hajime can't help but note how efficiently she's screaming and yelling. Her throat doesn't seem to be in much strain. She must have taken lessons from that Bathory girl. Though, yeah. Which one is anyone's guess…
She doesn't use words this time. Just a long, agonizing scream of someone who's made to endure for far, far too long.
When she finishes, Hajime dutifully steps forward and pours her a refill. Master takes it gratefully, drinking around halfway before staring into it.
"I'm forever grateful for everyone, you know. The remaining staff, Directory Gordy, Da Vinci-chan, and Mash. The Servants who's supported me all this time. The people who aren't here with us anymore. But… It's still hard. It's really hard. And tiring. So, so tiring…" She forces a laugh. "Sometimes I wish I can hop in one of the recovery pods and never wake up again."
Despite knowing all too well her answer, Hajime offers the option anyway.
"We always can run away."
Master shakes her head with that rueful smile. "You know I can't. It'll go against everything I've done up to this point and everyone who put in their all into helping me. And— It's not all that bad. Really! I have the cutest kouhai in Mash. And I have plenty of Servants like you who have my back!"
Hajime looks away to hide his grimace. It's not nearly enough though. He's not the only one. They all know how bad the nightmares can get. Not for the first time, he curses the circumstances that put a literal child in this situation.
Outwardly, he raises his hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright. But—"
"'But the offer still stands'," Master finishes his sentence with a lilt.
She looks a lot better than when she first came to see him, at least.
"Thank you, Hajime-chan. Really. Running away might not be an option, but being able to vent like this once in a while is pretty nice."
Hajime looks out at the bleached expanse. He loathes to admit it, but Master has a point. Being on the run in a place like this would be just as hard on her, especially with his status as a Servant to the Throne.
This time, he curses his own helplessness.
…This is the best he can do for her.
"Sooo… a 'this time next Friday' sort of deal? Sure, I'm in."
Master looks at him in shock. Then, she tries to correct a misunderstanding that isn't even there.
"Wait, no, I—"
Sorry, Master-chan, but Hajime isn't having it.
"Eh…? It's the least you can do for me, Master-chan. Since you keep turning me down and all. Even Hajime-chan gets his feelings hurt, you know."
She smiles wryly at him, brow raised. "Really? Can't imagine you as the crying-in-your-pillow type."
Hajime clutches at his chest with mock hurt. "Master-chan, you wound me. Sure, I'm no Manslayer Izou, but I experience heartbreak, too."
Master bites at her bottom lip as she wrings the cup in her hands.
"…Is it really okay?"
This Master-chan of his…
"Mo~re than okay. You're gonna have to cash in a few more favors from that little Rider-chan of yours, though."
"That's fine." There's a pause, followed by a quiet, "Thank you, Hajime-chan. For everything."
"Of course."
Now, for a change of subject. Mainly because his dear Master-chan is eyeing his knapsack again, probably thinking he has more surprises in there. Well, entirely she's not wrong. He takes out two cups of instant ramen, two pairs of disposable chopsticks, and a second thermos.
"Up for a little midnight snack, Master-chan? It's not ramen fresh from the kitchen, but it should still do the trick."
"Cup ramen?? Heck yeah!"
Master claps her hands in delight before pumping them up into the air. Honestly. It's like he gifted her a hundred million QP.
…This is the best Hajime can do for her. But that laugh of hers tells him that, to her, it's more than enough.