Work Text:
The clock in the 3Racha+Hyunjin dorm officially hit 7 am. Han was now gone for over 24 hours and Chan was officially dying out of concern. And the other members also, could not sit still worrying and looking on their phones every 5 Minutes. Hoping that their endless texts finally came through. They knew Han wasn’t feeling well for a while now, but they thought space would help, being there for him but not pressuring him with telling what was going on. But this? Nobody would have thought of an empty bedroom on a Tuesday morning at 6 am.
Chan wanted to wake him up, they had a full schedule due to the ongoing comeback 5-Star. But the only thing he found was a neatly made bed and no hint of where Han could be. He was immediately in a state of alert. Wandering through their dorms and pestering the other ones to find the missing member. But he was nowhere to be found. Not even a trace, not even a hint. Just thousands of unanswered calls and text messages that are not coming through. And it was like that for over 24 hours. It was now 7:30 am on a Wednesday and Stray Kids was over a day behind with their schedule.
The clock ticked again. It's was silent in the dimly lit room. The members where exhausted, nobody could sleep with the thought of a missing Han still wandering around. But what should they do? Waiting with hope was their only option. And so, they waited. Till they heard a little tingle of keys. Shoes heavily meeting the stairs. The pressure on the door handle. Their heads immediately shot up. Seven pairs of hopeful, tired and worried eyes pierced the opening door.
And there, entering , through the door was a tattered and tired Jisung. Head bowed in shame to the ground and his body bent over a little bit. But there he was in flesh and blood. He cautiously lifts his head to look in his family's eyes. Seconds of pure silence go. Until a Heart-wrenching sob is heard from behind. A little figure franticly skipped up and dives in Hans arms. A hardly sobbing Jeongin hugs a flabbergasted Han with a deadly grip around his timid figure. His cries getting stronger and louder. This action breaks the silenced atmosphere around the dorm. More members join the hug and a group hug erupts. With lots more tears from at least 5 other Members.
Han clearly was overwhelmed. After many minutes of hugging and crying the members finally detached themselves from Han and stand around looking at him with love, but the desire for answers. Because they definitely had a few of those. "Hannie where were you? I was dying out of worry." Chan firstly broke the silence looking tiredly but lovingly at Han. "Chan Hyung let him come in first it's freezing outside let him warm up firstly." Minho states and looks judgingly at the leader. "Jagi come sit on the couch I make you something warm to drink and then you can tell as what the hell came into you." Minho says with a deadly look. It was clear there was no coming out of this he would need to talk. Or Lee know would probably strangle poor Hannie.
So, there they all were, scattered around the living room, Han with a hot cup of tea in his hand. Felix had taken the opportunity to wrap his arms around Han and was (for how it looked like) not willing to let go for the next few hours. Jisung looked around, getting observed by seven tired pairs of eyes but oh so lovingly. Not one ounce of anger was to see. Just pure liking and concern. At the feeling and thought of worrying and burdening his Hyung’s Han bursts out in tears. A waterfall of tears came out. All the people in the room where shocked. It came out of nowhere. But rather than just standing around, they hugged Han again and tried to reassure him with loving words. “Jagi, its ok you can cry. It’s all going to be ok.” Minho tells him softly and caressing his cheek. Chan caringly patted his head.
And so, the dam broke. Endless words spilt out of Han. About his concerns his worries. His constant overthinking. “I’m so sorry I ran away. But I just was so confused. I was just stuck. I didn’t know how to go on. Every day, every morning, every night I just lay in my bed and think and I can’t bring myself to really do something. I feel unproductive and so…lost. And I’m so scared. And every time I think more clearly about it, I start to panic and panic.” Han rambled his breath shortening and getting quicker.
The members not once stopped him, they knew that was exactly what he needed and so they just sat by him holding his hands and showed him that he was safe here. “And you are all so perfect and I felt like I sometimes don’t fit in, I’m just in the middle, not the maknae, not the hyung, nothing just in between and it’s not that I’m not grateful or something, not at all, it’s just so frustrating and I don’t know how to go on. And and I thought about just ending it and I’m so so sorry. I- “Han chocked on his breath tears still running down his face. The members were shocked. A silence fell over the room. “Oh Han, my Hannie. You don’t need to worry anymore. Hyung’s are here and help you, just stay with us and everything is going to be ok.” Chan whispers in Han’s ear. And just that one sentence brought Jisung to relaxation. His muscles gave up and he melted in the touch of his members. “Really? I’m not a burden for you? I’m still welcome in Stray Kids?” Han askes in a small voice and disbelief.
“Of course, Jisungie we´re always going to be there for you. We are your family and nothing can change that.” Now Hyunjin says. And that takes every ounce of uncertainty away from Han. And so, the exhaustion catches him and his eyes slowly shut close. With that, Han ends up in a wide dreamland with peaceful dreams after such a long time of sleepless nights. His members fondly watch their little squirrel. After a while of watching his peaceful state and listening to his steady breathing, Chan moves. “Let’s bring Hannie to bed. He had an exhausting day and night and needs the sleep and comfort. And you all also need to rest. We all need to.” He whispers so Han doesn’t wake up. He looks with a stern look at his members and they all now register the fatigue nagging at their bodies and bones. And so, after one another they go to their bedroom and shut the doors, deciding that’s it’s not worth it going back to their own dorm, they all sleep in the 3Rache+Hyunjin dorm.
Chan carefully lifts up Han and carries him to his own bedroom (Minho and Felix sleeping in Hans.) He lays him in his King-sized bed and is ready to retreat again to work a little more. Being way more behind then he wished to be because of Han’s absence. But a firm grip on his wrist prevents him from moving away. “Channie Hyung, please I don’t want to be alone…” Han whispers in the darkness of the room. So, Chan just sighs and lays himself comfortably next to Han. And so, they all fell asleep at 8 in the morning.
The next time, life came back to the dorm, was at around 3 pm. Now the Skz members had enough sleep to continue and restart their schedule. They now all sat around the dining table discussing a few things. “Wait are we THAT much behind on the schedule because of me?” Han askes with shock. Felix looks with an empathetic look to him. “Sungie the moment Chan realised you were gone he halted everything and started searching for you. If you had been gone for one more hour, I’m 100% sure he would have called the police.” Felix tells, amusement in his voice clearly recognisable. Han being speechless turns to Chan. Chans ears turned a bright red showing his true caring and embarrassment. A small smile came to Han’s face.
“Thank you, I see that I’m after all an important person to you. I’m really glad I have you by my side.” Han’s voice swings out of vulnerability. His head faced to his lap and his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his pants. Seungmin who sat next to Han lays his hand over Hans. “Of course, you are an important person, especially to us, please never doubt that.” Seungmin reassures him. A big smile creeps on Han’s face and he happily looks at his members faces. They all give him an encouraging smile.
And so, Hans next big step in life came. Getting better, becoming healthy again. Finding out his real potential and being the best version of himself. He wants to OWN his era.
Even though Han had his target in mind it’s hard to adapt your goals and to-dos perfectly in your life. It was hard. He still felt lonely. His body was weak with his mind being constantly active and his intense new schedule that now started, due to the new comeback 5-Star being out. But what could he do? How could he become who he wants to be? How can someone heal who is so broken already?
It was now 2 weeks after their comeback and finally it was their first free week after over 4 weeks preparing and promoting. It was hard, especially for Han. But he came through and that was the most important to him. And so, his first evening without a schedule the next day came. And Han even though, completely drained he came to the conclusion ,that he needs to use the night he has to him and sneak out. He didn’t want to run away like the last time. It was time to lock in.
Han carefully stood up from his bed, silently walking to his door and opening it to make no sound. His thoughts unsure if he should tell someone that he is going or if he should just risk it. But then Felix words came back to his mind. Chan being so worried that he was searching the whole day for him. And so, he came to the solution it would be better if he would tell someone. He knew Chan would be in his room, probably working again even though it was their free time from now on. He could faintly hear Hyunjin and Changbin enjoying themselves in the Livingroom. So, he made his way to Chans room and carefully knocked on the door. But he got no answer, probably because Chan has his headphones on.
Han slowly opens the door. And he was right Chan was working, the faint glow of Chans Laptop was the only thing that kept the darkness of the room away. Now a new light source from the opened door got Chan looking up from his screen. His face looked surprised after seeing it was Han who wanted to enter. “Sorry to disturb you Hyung I knocked, but I see you are busy so I’m gonna go again.” Han felt stupid for again bothering his Hyung. He was about to close the door again, being disappointed in himself, but Chan stopped him. “No Hannie, wait, I was just surprised you were still up. You earlier said you were like super tired and I just assumed you went to bed already. And you never bother me. So, what is it?” Chan rattled down. Han looked a little perplexed but nevertheless answered. “I am tired but I couldn’t sleep, so I wanted to go outside to stargaze a little.” Han confessed being embarrassed. “Alone?” Chan just asked. “I mean yeah Hyunjin and Changbin are not people that love to wander in cold nights and I didn’t want to bother the others they also were tired.” Han listed.
“Hannie, I appreciate that you even tell me that you go. But not alone.” Chan tells Han worried. Han slowly begins to pout knowing he can’t win against Chan. Chan seeing this sighs deeply looks at the unfinished track and again looks at Han. “I can go with you Hannie.” Chan tells him. Already closing the file and his laptop and standing up from his desk. Hans eyes begin a little to shin “Really?” he asks bewildered. “Yes, now go on. And also take another jacket with you, the nights are getting colder and colder.” Han is visibly exited to be allowed to go and rushes to his room to get another jacket.
Han and Bang Chan now completely dressed in warm clothes made their way to the front door. Also crossing the living room. Changbin and Hyunjin looked up with surprise. But before they could mouth their wonder Chan spoke. “Hannie and I are going out for a while, so don’t worry. And please don’t stay up so long we had some exhausting weeks.” Chan tells them caringly. Hyunjin and Changbin both nod their heads and wish the two boys a good walk. Promising to soonly go to sleep.
The front door closed and the cold night air immediately hit them. Han took a deep breath, his raising mind coming down from his thousand thoughts. Han looked at Chan who was already looking at him. He tilted his head slightly and so they both took off in the dark and cold night. Heads up in the clear night sky. Minds being taken over by the beautiful shining sky full of stars. Like their mind so shining with wishes. And so, they wandered around a while. Without a sound or word spoken. Heads in the sky and thoughts wandering.
“5-Star was a complete success. I spoke with a manager from us and he said that we gained over 100.000 new fans if not even more. “Chan broke the silence after 30 Minutes of wandering around in the darkness of the night. Han now looked at him. His eyes big and round out of surprise. “Really?” he asks bewildered. “Really” Chan answers. “That’s like amazing, wow I would have never thought that. We came such a long way.” Han says. Chan just smiles. They still are walking. But Han slowly comes to halt, Chan still walking in a slow pace. “Why are you telling me this Hyung? I mean it’s great, but why so random?” Han wonders. Chan now also comes to a halt at a distance. “Hannie, you are right we came such a long way and in the end it all got better, didn’t it? It’s always like that, in the end everything is going to be ok.” Chan now turns in Han’s direction and smiles a bright smile at him. Han firstly is super confused showing clearly on his face. But then its klicks in his brain. His eyes open wide along with his mouth opening a bit. His thoughts run wild. Tears start to rush to his eyes.
“But we always have our loyal fans by our side who gave us the chance to even become that successful. Right?” Chan now says with an even brighter smile his body now facing in Han’s direction. Still keeping his distance. Hans doesn’t move at all. His brain is running on so many thoughts right now that he can’t even comprehend the just said, staring straight up at his Hyung with watery eyes. “And of course, our members, without their talent we could have never made it. I’m sure in the future we can share our dream with even more people.” Chan goes on. But that was Hans breaking point. A loud hiccup breaks the dam. Hot tears start to stream down his face wetting it completely.
Chan opens his arms wide. Han immediately jumps in his arms and hugs him tightly. Chan lovingly strokes his head. Han crying on and on for a while. “Oh, my Baby, everything is going to be ok, just believe in yourself.” Chan caringly says to him. Han just goes on crying. But after a while the hiccups get less and less. He finally can stop and loosens the hug a bit. Now looking up at Chan. “If you could just see yourself like I, like we see you.” Chan whispers. Han just tilts his head a bit.
“Hannie, do you remember the song Youtiful?” Chan askes after a bit of silently staring at each other. Han nodes his head slowly. “Of course, the one I didn’t even know existed and then was put in the album without me even knowing about it.” Han looked a bit offended answering Chan. The latter started to laugh a bit after seeing Han’s reaction. Han just got even more angry at that and crossed his arms being mad that his hyung laughed at him. Chan, after a good laugh, tries to keep it in.
“I’m sorry, it’s just your expression was too cute. But that’s not what I wanted to say.” Chan gets serious again. Han now also is curious what is going on with the song. “You know this melody is like super old but I never had a text to it. And I never wanted to make one but then you got lost for a day and you don’t understand how worried I was. I don’t want you to feel bad or something,” Han took a big breath his apology already on his tongue. Chan butted in.” I understand why you did that but I guess I just want you to know how I, how we felt. You know the song is one of the newest. I wrote it with Changbin two days after you ran away. And we wrote it for yeah you. It is basically about you” Chan got in the end a little flustered but still kept the eye contact. Han was lobstered. He was shocked. Youtiful, about him? But then the Lyrics came to his mind.
Let me tell a little story
About a star that couldn’t shine or blink
Out of a million, billion
Felt like an alien, alien
Then the little star was surely
Going to become the biggest thing
Don’t you ever tell yourself that you’re not enough
I am certain that you’re truly fine
Another day ahead don’t wanna leave the bed
You’re looking in the mirror, see
The tears covered in red
Now it was clear to Han. His eyes soften. “Chan, I, Thank you. Now I understand.” Han surely could cry again but his eyes were dry and no tear wanted to came out for a while now. Chan just smiled back at him. “I was just soo shocked about this. In the end I really felt guilty because I wasn’t there for you. I felt so bad that you felt like that. I didn’t know how I should express how I see you, so I wrote this song hoping you could understand a little better.” Chan explains himself. “I do Chan thank you. For everything. I could’ve never made it without you.” Han tells him clear affection in his eyes. Chan just hugged Han a little tighter and his gaze got up to the stars again. Han also starred back at the stars his mind now structured and free, his heart full and content.
After another 30 Minutes of stargazing, it started to get cold for the two Stray Kids members. And so, they made their way back to the dorm. “You know if you would have felt better, the concept of 5-Star would have really fitted you.” Chan just dropped out of nowhere. Han stopped looking up and starred at the still looking up Chan. “You think?” Han wonders. “One hundred percent, you are a total Rockstar.” Chan just says. “Maybe the next? Rockstar? Sounds like a good new comeback concept.” Chan askes. Looking now on the lonely street of Seoul.
“I don’t think I can get perfectly well in this amount of time. I’m like literally broken.” Han says. The elder lets out a little laugh. “And you say that so easy. Maybe the next?” Chan just says. “Maybe, Han shrugs, you know like Rock that Body?” Han casually says still looking at Chan. Chan now shifts his gaze to Han. “If you want that, we can do it. It sounds good if you have new ideas, I’m all in for it.” Chan smiles brightly at Han. The latter also smiles and lets out a big yawn. Chan just giggles and comes to halt. Jisung stops abruptly, Chan squatting in front of him.
“What are you doing?” Han askes giggling. “You were already tired when we started the walk and now over an hour passed you must be exhausted, I’m going to carry you.” Chan just easily states. “What no Channie-Hyung, its ok I can live with that, you must be tired too.” Han assures. “No arguments Hannie, get on my back.” Chan demands with a soft voice. Han just sighs but complies and gets on his back.
And just then Han realises how tired he really was. The exhaustion gnawing at him shutting his eyes without his notice. And so, he was gone for good in a sleep full of hopeful dreams and goals. And Chan keeping his beloved first child on his back, a smile and a full heart on the way to their home.
Han woke up the next morning, looking around and wondering where he was. This was definitely not his room. But he knew this room, it was Chans. He was laying in the elder’s bed, but from Chan, no trace. Where was he? Just then the door of the dark room opened. A bright light made its way in the room and to see was a Chan still in his pjs. Jisung just looked baffled at his Hyung who now made his way to the bed. “Did you sleep well Hannie?” Chan, now directly standing before Han, asked.
“I did thanks, but when and how did I come to your room? Bed to be specific.” Han still confused askes. “After we talked yesterday night, well today. You got super tired, so I carried you and when I finally was home you wouldn’t let go of me and so I just decided to let you sleep in my bed with me. Isn’t like we never cuddled to sleep before, right?” Chan tells his first child smiling widely. Han now hearing this story develops a bright blush on his cheeks and turns his head. “Oh Hannie, nothing to be embarrassed about, want to drink or eat something?” Chan chuckles and holds a plate with breakfast in his direction. Han just now noticing the plate in his Hyung’s hands, slowly takes it and eagerly starts his breakfast.
“Are you feeling better?” Chan asks carefully. Han slowly looks up at his favourite Hyung. For a moment it’s just silent in the room. But then Jisung answers: “Yeah I am, thank you for accompanying me yesterday.” Han’s voice is silent and careful, but also full of gratitude. Chan just softly smiles after hearing this. He lifts his hand and lovingly caresses Jisung’s head.
After a soft and comforting breakfast Han withdraw back to his room to get his self-
sorted out. And with that he didn’t just meant his thoughts but his very being. Starting
with his way too messy room. Han stood in his doorframe around 10 am starring at the mess in front of him and not knowing how to even start. But he needed to. Firstly, he picked up all his dirty clothes who were scattered around his room everywhere. On the floor, on his desk, his closet even his bed. Bringing it all to the washing machine and carefully sorting it and starting the process. After that he started to sort all the things laying around. Old notebooks, papers, markers etc. Throwing away things he knew he wouldn’t need. In the process finding a pencil he once borrowed from Hyunjin and an Album he still had from Seungmin. Both must have missed those things so Han came to the conclusion bringing it back would be a good idea, also finding a thing to eat would be good. All the work making him hungry as fuck. But his room did look way better after the three hours of hard work.
And so, Han made his way to Hyunjin’s room deciding he was not in the mood to go to the other dorm just to return something. He gently knocks on the elder’s room waiting for his sign to come in. “No Changbin-Hyung I don’t want to go to the gym with you!” That was just the annoyed answer behind the door. Han being a bit perplexed held his laugh in and raises his voice a bit. “Not Changbin-Hyung but Han. I wanted to return something.” After that Hyunjin hasty opens the door. Coming face to face with the dorms maknae. “Jisungie, sorry I didn’t know it was you. What are you returning?” Hyunjin wonders. Han just smiles a little and shows him the pencil he had for at least a while now. “No worries, I should apologise, I had your pencil for so long.” Han just answers. Hyunjin looks perplexed at it. Surely having completely forgotten about it. “You didn’t need to return it I have many pencils, how did you even find this?” the artist chuckles lowly. “I’m in the middle of cleaning my room and found few, I’d say interesting things.” Han now says at the end falling in a full-blown laugh. Hyunjin seeing this completely relaxes. Seeing that his Jisungie is going to be ok. “Cleaning you say, do you need something new? Like a makeover?” Hyunjin askes being always interested when it comes to interior design. “Yep, exactly like this, I also wanted to ask you if you could help me with it. You are definitely better at this than me.” Han curiously askes. Hyunjin senses a pride in his chest. He can’t remember the last time he was able to do something with his best friend. “Of course, Jisungie, I would love to.” Hyunjin says having the brightest smile on his face ever. Han was relived knowing he wouldn’t have to do this alone.
As the two best friends made their way to the front door, a loud rumbling stopped them. A small pink blush spread its way in over Han’s face. The rumbling being his stomach asking for food. Hyunjin gave Han a perplexed look and bursted out laughing. “Maybe we firstly should go eat lunch don’t you think?” Hyunjin askes still laughing. And also, Han is laughing and agreeing. Both making a stop firstly by a Hot pot place before going to the stores. Not like the weeks before, a comfortable conversation was now flowing between the two best friends. Hyunjin now knew, Han is going to get better. He just needed to be patient and be there for him. And that was exactly what he wanted to do for him.
And so, they talked carefree about old times, songs, fans and God knows what. Their meal was shared in a heated discussion if Lee knows Skzoo should be changed to a cat or remain the iconic whit evil rabbit. Even after their well-deserved lunch they were in a deep conversation. Till Han came to an abrupt halt. Standing before a big tattoo parlour and just staring. Hyunjin would have thought of many things why Han would just stop in their conversation maybe a cat, cheesecake there could be many reasons. Tattoos where certainly not one of them. “Do you want to get one?” Hyunjin carefully askes. Just standing relaxed beside Han. Han turns his head surprised in Hyunjin’s direction, not expecting this question. “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t, I’m an idol with responsibilities, I need to fit in a certain picture.” Han sadly tells his best friend. “And? Jisungie, it’s your body, who cares. It’s not like they’re going to fire you because of that. Also, you wouldn’t get your whole body tattooed on the first time, would you?” Hyunjin tries to assure Han. The ladder still looks conflicted but a certain determination was to see in his eyes. “Let’s go for now Jinnie, I really want to be ready with my room today.” Han says turning his body in the opposite direction of the shop and going for their original destination. Hyunjin just sighs. Knowing that he would need to convince Han a bit more.
So, their shopping spree continued. From new paintings to a new rug, new sheets, décor and even more they spend two hours shopping and way too much money. But hey Han and certainly also Hyunjin could completely change their rooms. Now with their hands full of heavy bags and inspiration in their brains they made their way back to the dorms. And again, they needed to cross the tattoo parlour. This time Hyunjin was the one stopping in front of it. “Jinnie, what are you doing?” Han askes suspiciously. But Hyunjin does not listen to his friend. Stubbornly making a decision for Han and going straight in the opened parlour. Han being shocked hurriedly follows Hyunjin. Both now standing awkwardly in the shop. “Hey, how can we help you?” A nice unknow woman askes. Hyunjin just making quick decisions at this moment answers. “Hey, my Friend here would like to get a tattoo is that possible?” The woman chuckles at Hyunjin’s fast talking and answers immediately. “Of course, that’s our job, but does your friend even want to, doesn’t look like it.” And yes, Han looked like he was completely out of it, his brain not being able to work with all the things that happened so quick. But then he looked at the determined Hyunjin, his mind finally making a choice. He was living this life for himself and not someone else. So, he should make the decisions he was comfortable with making. And Hyunjin was right many people in the K-pop industry had tattoos, why should he not be allowed to? Han made his final choice after a beat of silence.
“No, he’s right I want to.” Han confidently says. Hyunjin silently cheering for him. “Perfect, that’s what I wanted to hear. And your lucky someone cancelled his appointment so if you’re ready, I could do you right now. Do you know what you want to get?” The woman goes on bringing both boys to the back. Han nods along and a smile is spreading in his face with all the information. “I do know what I want to get.” Han exclaims excitingly. “Really, Jisungie you already know but were not sure if you should do it? Wow” Hyunjin buts in, bringing the young tattoo artist to a bright fit of laughter. “He has a point, anyway I need you to sign this for me and give me a picture of what you want so I can print it. Han proceeded to give all necessary information and signatures to go on with this. And to say he was excited was an understatement. He was fucking terrified. Squeezing Hyunjin’s hand, he got for support, way to hard.
And after two hours of pain and even a few tears ,but much laughter, Han was finished. And he was fucking happy that he did it. His right breast was now adorned with a beautiful compass. The exact same that symbolised Stray Kids. And after Hyunjin saw that, tears started to collect in his eyes. Because he knew, how much Han loved his members and how much this group rescued all of them. And he also knew how close he was to losing one member of his loved group.
It was now 7 pm when SamSung came back to the dorm. They happily chattered their way into the dorm, being surprised by four other members of them sitting in their living room. “There you are. Where were you two, I didn’t saw you both the whole day expect for Hannie this morning.” Chan asked worry evident in his voice. “Sorry Channie-Hyung I was cleaning my room when I asked Jinnie for help for décor and kind of became a bit more than a décor shopping trip.” Han says, sharing a knowing look with Hyunjin. “Ji, what does that even mean? And Hyun I wanted to ask you If you wanted to go to the gym with me.” Changbin stats a bit disappointed but no real sadness behind it. But with this statement both members of paboracha (dumbracha) burst out laughing. Letting not just Changbin and Bang Chan but also Jeongin and Seungmin, the remaining two guests confused on the couch. “Sorry, sorry. Ah by the way, Seungmin I found this one album from you, wait I’m going to get it real quick.” Han says leaving the bags on the floor and quickly going to his room. Hyunjin still chuckling a little.
After returning Han has a Day-6 Album in his hands returning it to his rightful owner. Seungmin just now comprehending what happened began to shout: “So you were the one who had it. And I searched for it everywhere how could you. I got paranoid because I couldn’t find it. Squirrel how could you?” Seungmin was mad. But then he heard the heartful laugh Han let out, when he saw his dongseang so angry. Seungmin stopped just starring at the laughing Jisung. A sight he hadn’t seen in ages. It felt way too good. So good even his anger flew away in an instant. But that was nothing he could give away that easily.
“Ok I’m really sorry Seungmin ok? You get the next album sponsored from me, ok?” Han tried to reason, not knowing Seungmin most definitely already forgave him. “Ok… Just this once Squirrel.” Seungmin answers grumpy. The other members now also bursting out laughing after this absurd scene. But they could not describe how happy they were to see their Han Jisung smiling and laughing so freely. What happened that day that made him smile so brightly? Maybe they would know some other time. For now, they were just content.
Even though Han wanted to finish his room in one day, he knew he wouldn’t be able to, his day was draining and he was exhausted. So, he came to the conclusion to continue the following day with Hyunjin’s help and for now settle in the ladders bed and watch a movie to round of the day.
And what a beautiful memory this day was for Han, a great restart in many facets. He would remember it for a long time.
Moreover, the next days where spend productive for little Han. Rearranging his room and completely changing his décor was decently not easy but worth it. Also, he had great help with his companion and best friend. So, after three additional days of hard work, they both were finally finished. He was more than thankful to his members. He was now ready for this new start in life, there was just one or two more things he definitely needed to do. Luckily, he had his members that would help him.
And after a week he was already ready to quit everything again, but he knew he wanted and needed to go on. A change didn’t come overnight. And so, he made his way to his favourite twin for a little help. Knowing that he would never judge him for whatever he requested.
Lucky for the quokka they all had free schedules for the three weeks after promotion time. Now he had exactly two weeks left of a half vacation to get used to his changes, when a schedule is coming. So, he was on his way to Lixie his twin. Nine am showed his phone when he hit the bell of the other dorm. An emotionless Minho opened the door and let him in without complaint. “Good morning Hyungie, did you sleep well?” Han askes delight Lee Know just nodded to that. “Jagi, what are you here for, not that I don’t want to see you.” Minho askes on the way to the kitchen offering a cup of coffee. Han thankfully taking. “I’m here for Lixie, I want to ask him for help with something, you know?” Han tells his soulmate while drinking his coffee. “Ok, just go to his room then, he must be in there either still sleeping or maybe playing a game.” Minho just encourages Han. Han nodded thankfully and makes his way to his one-day younger member.
Han softly knocks on the door of the room and getting a groggy come in back. So, he opens the door letting light hit the room instantly. “Sungie, is that you?” Felix askes surprised. Felix was still laying in his bed half asleep clearly not ready to wake up at this hour. “Sorry Lixie, did I force you awake?” Han chuckled worriedly. “Noo its ok, but what are you even doing here so early? Missed me?” Felix is curious and starts to teas. “Also, but that’s not the main reason I’m here. Wanted to ask you for help.” Han now says a small smile visible in his face. Han was now standing directly beside Felix his bed looking down at his still sleepy twin. After hearing his twin was in need of help, he hurriedly was standing up and facing Han.
“I love helping how can I assist?” Felix askes happy. Han just laughs happy to know that his twin is so eager to help him. “Don’t stress that much, first dress yourself and then we talk, ok?” Han says calmly and gives Felix some clothes laying around.
So, after a quick shower for Felix and new clothes, Han and Felix sat on the couch, Felix eager to find out how he could help his twin. “Felix, you know I thought about changing the way I eat.” Han begins. “Like a diet?” Felix questions, “You don’t need a diet!” He instantly insists. Han lightly laughs. “No, not like a diet, I want to eat healthier with more nutrition’s and less sugar. And I know you had this time where you were super into this, so I wanted to ask you if you could help me make a meal plan and even help me cooking, because as you know I’m not really the best in that.” Han explains, leaving Felix stunt. “Of course, I’m helping you, we can start instantly if you want to?” Felix says full of euphoria.
And that’s what they do, a whole ass meal plan for two weeks making sure Han eats healthy and rich in vitamins and nutrition’s. But not everything is cut out to be perfect to Han’s cooking. But Felix is there for him. Explaining without a rush or anger to Han even on the phone what to do. Because Felix could not be happier to help. Because Felix new how it felt for him the last time he didn’t and wasn’t even asked. He knew whatever he did he could not regret something more than not being there for his twin. His Sunshine.
And so, the next two weeks could not have gone more smoothly. Well till their schedule started again. Because as smoothly as it might go in Hans free time, it was never like that when he needed to work. And he had his problems. How could he keep working and keep everything clean and eat just healthy if he was just tired and wanted to sleep. It was hard and he was scared to admit that he was unmotivated again. And so, it was night again and Han couldn’t sleep. Starring at his sealing in his new room that gave him so much energy, but now? He couldn’t feel that energy. What should he do? How should he tell his members that he was not well? Again? Would they be disappointed?
Han’s thoughts where interrupted when his door slowly opened. Han looked at his door surprised. Normally all his members knocked before entering. It was Chan, knowing that, Han instantly relaxed. Chan just smiled at Han and made his way to Han’s bed. He was now standing next to Han and slowly patted his head. “Channie-Hyung what are you doing here?” Han wonders. “I want to make sure you know that you’re not alone.” Chan says still going softly through Han’s hair. Han looks surprised up at Chan. After a beat of silence Han quietly asks:” Channie, can we talk?”. Chan just nods and still smiles fondly at Han. “What’s up Hannie?” Chan asks. Han swallows the lump in his throat. And then the dam broke. “Channie, I tried, I really did. But why does it not work? I’m scared why am I feeling this alone again. I don’t even want to feel like this. I changed myself, my room, my habits. But it just doesn’t work I try and try and I’m falling behind again.” Hot tears now start to run down his face again. “Oh Hannie, its ok don’t cry.” Chan tries to console Han. “Channie, am I even enough?” Han carefully askes. At that Chan stares shocked at his first Child. Then he takes Han in a big Hug. “Oh Hannie, baby of course you’re enough, it’s completely normal to feel like nothing works. It’s always like that. Nothing succeeds at the first attempt. Just go with the flow and believe in yourself and we’re always here to help you through this. Don’t forget this.” Chan lovingly tells Han. And Chan is right. He just needs to try again and if not, then someone will help him with it. That is why his members are by his side.
This night Chan slept cuddled up with his first stray kid. And he never held someone so tight before. He was relieved that he had checked up on Han again, what would have happened if not. Would he have fallen in a hole again? Who knew?
But Han could wake up with new strength and determination. And what would be the best new idea when you need full motivation? Right, a tattoo. And so even though having a full work schedule the first thing Han did on the next day was calling the tattoo parlour for his next appointment. The nice lady form the last time again being on the phone. Being positively surprised to hear form the shy boy again so soon. But Han was sure he didn’t wanted to question everything all over again. If he wanted to improve, he would need to trust himself more. But would he tell someone, hell no. Cause if he told someone it would come to true. If you say something out loud it becomes true, too true the pressure gets worse and then people start to expect things from you. So, Han decided to not tell anybody, for now. Maybe Lee know. He could not lie to his Soulmate and he knew Minho would never put pressure on him or question him. He just listened and was there for him. That’s the reason why he called Lee Know his Soulmate. And that’s also the reason why Han made his way to his favourite Hyung just right now.
The squirrel boy softly knocked on the dorm from the elders. Surprisingly an exited I.N. was the one opening the door. “Hannie Hyung?” Jeongin had a surprised smile on his face. And to Hans surprise Jeongin opened his arms wide and drew him in a big hug. Han did not expect that at all. Innie was in no way a fan of physical touch. But it was pleasant. “It’s good that you visit us again Hannie Hyung. I didn’t saw you for a while. You know, even though I’m a younger member, I’m still sorry and worried very much. And yeah, you know what happened, I just…” I.N. could not end bis sentence. With hearing that Han squeezed I.N. a bit Closer. “You don’t need to go on Talking, Innie I’m sorry I worried you so much but don’t worry, you don’t need to be concerned anymore. I promise I’m better now and if not, I know that I can always count on all of you.” Han drew out of the hug and cutely smiled at his loving maknae. “Yes, you’re right Hannie Hyung whatever it is you can always count on me. So don’t hesitate and come to me if something is bothering you or you need help with something.” I.N. says. At that said an idea plops into Han’s head. “You know what Innie I really do need your help with something. If you would be ok in helping me this would be wonderful.” Han suggests. “Of Course, I would love to help.” I.N. Says exited now finally letting Han Inside. “Maybe you could help me some time with shopping? You know I just recently changed my room and I thought of also chancing my style a bit. And without doubt you have a great sense of Fashion soooo I thought maybe you could help me with that?” Han cautiously proposes to his dongseang. Jeongins smile widens. “Of course, Hannie Hyung I would love to. Just text me when you want to go also If you want to, I could search a few things on the internet if you tell me what exactly you want.” Jeongin says. Hans heart warms in a way he didn’t know it could. Seeing his younger brother caring for him so much made him all giddy inside. He just could give his Innie a warm nod. Jeongin getting the hint also just smiles.
After a short silence fell over the room, a curious Felix Stuck bis head out of his room. A surprising expression on his face. “Sungie what are you doing here?” Felix questions. After that question Han remembers why he even made bis way to the other dorm. It was because he wanted to see bis soulmate Lee know. “Oh right, sorry I’m here to see Minho Hyung.” Han says, being already on the way to the elder’s room now.
“Hyungie, it’s me Han. Can I come in?” Han askes carefully “Jagi? Is that you?” Han hears the faint voice behind the door, blushing slightly. “Yes, its me.” Han answers, knowing that he could come in with that. Minho lays lazily in his bed with his phone in his hands. He has a faint smile on his face and looks directly at Han when he opens the door. After seeing the angelic face of his favourite hyung, Han instantly falls into a pleased smile, huffs and quickly makes his way into the opened arms of Lee know. Now being pulled in a beautiful hug. And so, they just lay around in a comfortable silence body’s bound together and an understanding between each other without using words.
“Hyungie? Can you help me?” Han raises his voice after a long while of just silence between them. Minho lowers his head and looks at his baby lovingly. “Sure, how can I be in your service?” Minho says, bringing out a light giggle from Han. “I want to learn boxing. It’s fascinating ya know?” Han says now also looking up. Lee Know still for a moment. Then a big grin finds its way to his face. “Boxing you say? That’s hot. Seeing you boxing, of course, I will help you Jagi.” Minho answers him. A big gummy smile makes its way on Han’s face after hearing that. “But you don’t want to start now do you?” Lee know questions. “Maybeee” Han teases. After that Han feels a light push against the edge of the bed. His Body gravitating in the direction of the floor. It’s a menace named Minho pushing Han against the edge to the floor. “Then you would need to stand up now. GO.” Lee know insist. Han just begins to laugh whole heartly.
It was a week after Hans whole detouring between sinking in depression again and getting motivated but thankfully karma was on his side cause motivation was not letting loose of him. His head was overflowing with new ideas for many different songs and even beats. He even considered starting to form beats, cause those ideas in his head were really hard to explain to Chan. But this should not be his concern for now. Han was standing in front of his lovely tattoo parlour blankly staring through the glass door. But then decided to not question everything anymore and just go in. He made it the first time and did not regret it and he wouldn’t regret it the second time. He was now sure of that. And again, the young lady was up the front. “I was just questioning how long you would take to come in. I guessed longer so congrats what can I do for you today?” the nice woman says with a hint of amusement in her voice. Han just giggles lightly. “I want to get two things, if that’s possible?” Han askes. The woman nods, being surprised by his confidence. She gives Han a sign to follow her to the back. “You’re alone this time where did you leave your friend?” The woman, who Han just found out was Jiyan, asked. He probably missed her introduction last time due to his nervousness. “He doesn’t know that I’m here. Actually, nobody does. I guess I just kind of wanna be more confident in myself again?” Han answers truthfully. Jiyan nods with her head making Han and herself ready for the session. “No, I totally understand, tattoos are a great way to appreciate his body more or get him more to his own liking. But it does not mean that somebody hated their body, just that they need this change, maybe for a new start.” She begins to tell Han, carefully making his tattoo.
And with that a long peaceful tattoo session comes to an end. Han was never so thankful to have her as his tattoo artist. She was patient, made good hand work and super easy to talk to. The talk he had with her was refreshing and mind opening. Han knew he would definitely come more often to the parlour. Maybe get one or two tattoos more. He just hoped the other members wouldn’t question where he went for that long. But he told Chan that he would go out for a while so they knew he wasn’t on some trip or something again. When there was one thing Han regretted then it was to worry his member who had so many things to do themselves and still, he occupied so much of their time. But he could not appreciate them more.
And so, times goes on. Han is surprised himself how good he does it. He keeps his schedule. Working out when he can, eating healthy and boxing. Also, he is super proud of his new composed music. Changbin his brother in so many ways, he could not thank him more.
After an especially hard day Han was sitting in the Studio, his voice hoarse from all the practice and his head full of stress. And he had this beautiful sound keyboard before him and whatever he did he could not figure out how to use it. But then his saviour came. Changbin came into the studio originally wanting to catch his forgotten notebook. But seeing his younger brother in such a state of distress brought a bad feeling to Changbin. And so, he decided to hug his younger brother from behind. Scratching his head calmly. Han immediately melted to his touch, not getting Changbin’s hugs to often.
Changbin calmly asked Han what the problem was and then calmly explained what Han would need to do. Also explaining that it was ok to ask for help especially for technology. Changbin also revealed that he often watched YouTube videos to learn how to use complex technology. Han now knowing this didn’t feel the shame like before. But still decided to give in to his tiredness and call it a day (It was Changbin dragging him out the studio)
And Changbin was right, YouTube did help. He from time to time watched a video, analysed it a bit too much and then started to experiment more. And he could not be prouder of how much he achieved. He hoped that STAY would see his progress.
It was December, their new comeback Rockstar just around the corner. And Han could not be more nervous. He practiced so much boxing, singing, writing. But he just didn’t feel ready. He knew he was better. He could joke more had his life in a better state and surely didn’t feel like running anymore. But was that enough? He knew he could do better. He knew he could come back to his old self. Or could he? Could he even become like he used to be? Maybe that was not the case. Maybe Han shouldn’t become like he used to be but how his best version would be.
It was the 10th of March in 2024. Stray Kids new comeback was coming. “Rock that body” the edition from 5-Star and Rockstar. The idea coming from the 3Racha Maknae. It was 3 long Months since Skz had their last comeback and STAYS were thrilled. It was enounced to be one of their best new albums even topping 5-Star. But Fans couldn’t quite pin why they where so hyped for it. Of course, it was a new album. But even the never writing Han Jisung wrote a ton of messages for his Fans on Bubble. So, what was going on?
But all their questions should be answered cause finally, the Track list and Intro for Rock that body were announced. And oh boy now they understood why all the Skz members were so hyped.
Track list:
Pulse on Fire (Written: SpearB, J.One Produced: J.One, CB97)
Electric Fever (Written: CB97, SpearB, J.One Produced: CB97, J.One)
Mourning (Written: J.One Produced; J.One)
Blooming Roses (Written: J.One Produced: J.One)
Break the Chains (Written: CB97, SpearB, J.One Produced: CB97, Versachoi)
Lights out (Written: SpearB Produced: J.One)
The Intro was something someone has never seen before. The information in there letting people cry and cheer at the same time.
Chan: “ This Album is kind of, completely for Hannie. It was his idea when we had a talk just between us, firstly it was just a joke. But the songs coming from Hannie after that? Insanely good. I can assure our Fans Hannie made so many good songs that our next five albums could be filled with just his songs and it would all be bangers. No, but seriously, Hannie had a super hard time and I really am proud of him. Whatever struck his brain after this made him crazy in a good way. I Love Blooming Roses, its definitely my favourite. Its emotional and so full of vulnerability and still it sounds so strong. And I’m so proud of Hans first ever completely self-produced song, no help and then it’s just a masterpiece!”
Changbin: “ I love this Album, it showcases perfectly a change in a person’s demeanour on a positive example. Ji really changed over the time. But you can’t just change overnight. I myself didn’t even notice at first. But you really can, when you start looking back. I’m really proud as an older brother. Can I even say this? Don’t show this Ji! But STAY be exited, Ji started going to the gym with me. So be prepared.”
Seungmin: “As a Vocalist I can just appreciate how many good songs are on this Album. It really turned out good this time. I really like the dynamic between the songs. It’s a perfect dynamic between powerful energy high songs and low vulnerable ones. It lets your soul and body really feel. I started Guitar lessons again with the squirrel and sometimes I forget what a big genius he is. Between all of us, he definitely is the most talented. He told me that he didn’t play for a really long time and for that he was way too good.”
Han: “ This Album really means a lot to me. I hope STAY is happy to see so much of my work. And I can assure you, I am going to work really hard to give you all a super good performance. Even though I did write many songs of this Album, I know it’s a production from all of us and I want to thank all the members for their hard work and their support through a rather hard time for me. I seriously could not have made it without them. My favourite songs of this Album would probably be Electric Fever. Its really catching and I really liked creating and writing it with my Hyung’s so thanks to them for the good time. And please STAY be ready for us!”
Felix: “I really enjoy this Album, it was kind of different from what we usually do when it’s about planning and I think that’s why I like it so much. Its rawer. My favourite is definitely Lights out its full of emotion and I love the dance for this one. So, my lovely STAY be prepared!”
I.N: “Rock that Body is, interesting I would say. Its definitely one of our best till now. The songs have this thing you must sing along to them. It doesn’t matter if their rather happy or full of emotion, its addicting. I hope our STAY see it the same way like I do!”
Hyunjin: “ This Album is what Stray Kids is, for me, for us. We want to show you who we are. I hope that we all are able to showcase this. Especially songs like Break the Chains or Electric Fever. They are the perfect example. The perfect mix between hard, like rap and fierce lyrics and a soft feeling in between of vocals.”
Lee Know: “ The best we have, listen to it or eat Tissues. If not Hyunjinie and I lure you in with the dance break in Lights out.”
After the trailer and Intro from the new Album came out, it got around the whole world. It was a paving for Stray Kids and definitely for Han. STAYs were in ecstasy. An album almost entirely produced by Han Jisung. They knew this was iconic. But things can only get better.
13.03.2024
The day Rock that Body officially gets aired. Many people knew that this would not just bring a new era to Stray Kids and Han Jisung but was perfectly fitting as well for Stray Kids. Many thought this could turn into the prime of Felix or Hyunjin. Felix the Star of Stray Kids and the heart of STAY. His body flexible and his voice super edible. Hyunjin the absolute Visual but a just so stunning Voice and his dance a show to lure you in forever to watch just him.
But there was someone else. Just as talented, just as pretty. The All-rounder Han Jisung was shining bright. Fans couldn’t stop praising him. From his beautiful healthy kept features to his muscly body and his newly mastered producing skills. His hard trained dancing and his back forming bubbly personality. Han Jisung did it. He won the little bet between Stray Kids, won the hearts of STAYs and won back his will to life.
He implied it became the implication of Rock your body to music. The music in your heart and soul. That’s what you are and who you want to be.
“ This Album means so much to me not just because it showcases my way to better mindset, to a better place, it not just shows how I became who I am right now. But it also shows my struggles my failure and the people who where with me who gave me strength. The people who believed in me and where always by my side. I want to thank all our STAYs and my lovely members who helped me become what I am today.” Han closed his speech with a sweet gummy smile.
When he went down the stairs of the stage, he could not hold back the tears slowly forming in his eyes. His vision swam and Han needed to make a halt to not fall down because of not seeing anything. But then he felt strong arms press around him. He instantly melted in these arms. “Why are you crying Jagi? Isn’t that a moment to celebrate, you worked so hard for this, this is your award?” Minho lovingly whispers in his ear. Han wanted to cry even more a sob escaping his mouth. But soft hands stops this. “Oh Hannie, please don’t cry like that. Minho is right, it’s what you deserve so much.” Chan now also telling him loving. “Thank you really so much. Oh god I don’t know what I would do without you guys.” Han says sniffling. “You’re right you would definitely be lost, good that all of us are here, right?” Seungmin now says. Han now could see after looking up, all his members looking at him. All just smiling or grinning wide. He was so happy to have them by his side. He jumped on them forming a big hug. “Our Han Jisungie is back and we´re going to protect him.” Seungmin now whispers, tightening the hug.
What was also beautiful was the pretty picture STAY got because who would have thought that Stray Kids was not yet behind the safe wall, behind the stage but exactly in the view of the camera picturing the bonding moment of Stray Kids. At least they knew that the right person got this award.
Han Jisung truly Rocked that Body.