Chapter Text
While making his way through the forest, basically wading due to all the mud that seemed to have materialized overnight, Arcade had the fantastic idea of bringing an umbrella and maybe an extra blanket for Fern the next time he visited so the prince would be a little warmer if it rained like that again. And maybe he could bring a raincoat, too, if he had any extra somewhere in the depths of his closet. And maybe some good rain boots, if he managed to find a pair that could fit Fern’s size…
Arcade wasn’t entirely sure if the fairy would necessarily need all those things when they weren’t a great fan of going outside while it rained in the first place, but he figured that it was always better to be safe than sorry. Besides, perhaps Fern could use those things to keep out the cold from inside their cave; maybe build a small wall that isolated them better from the weather once winter rolled around, and if there was anything that Arcade could do to help Fern’s comfort, he was not going to miss the chance.
Of course, the ultimate goal would be gathering the courage to ask them to visit his dorm more often or even stay overnight again, just like they had done after their Palmbridge trip. Fern had hung out with him a couple of times now (four and a half: not that he was keeping a tally), but every single one had been out of necessity because they needed something from there, or out of a coincidence because they were nearby and neither of them had any reason not to go.
However, Fern had never really suggested it themself, and Arcade didn’t know if it would be a good idea to… you know, offer it. Not yet, at least. Not until he was 100% sure that Fern wouldn’t be weirded out or uncomfortable for being in “human enemy territory”, as they jokingly (Arcade hoped) called the school sometimes. For now, he would do everything in his power to bring small things to the cave, just enough to make it a nice temporary place to stay, and simply be grateful for every chance they could spend time together in his dorm.
And Fern’s cave wasn’t an awful spot to be in, either. Yeah, maybe a little dirty and mossy at times, and kinda chilly because the rocks absorbed the cold temperature at night and never touched the light of day, but if anything, that was just another excuse Arcade could use to be closer to Fern. He was already picturing what they would do together: he had brought some of Fern’s favorite muffins from the cafeteria to restock their snack supply, and a small carton of chocolate milk that he wanted Fern to try, and a video game that Fern had seemed to show interest in before.
Arcade was also thinking about playing some music to see if he could figure out the prince’s music taste, but he wasn’t sure if they’d be able to. He wasn’t concerned that they wouldn’t have enough time to do everything; after all, his last class of the day had been canceled because his teacher needed to take her daughter to a medical appointment, so that gave him another blessed two hours of free time that he could spend with Fern… definitely not studying or anything.
But the news of the class being dismissed filled him with some sort of rushed feeling that prompted him to go to Fern’s cave asap after leaving the school, and he didn’t have time to let his phone charge for a little while, just to be sure. And he wasn’t precisely known for having a fantastic battery percentage in general, so he wasn’t sure if the battery would be enough to have a music-listening session with Fern, or if it would even be enough songs to figure out the prince’s preference…
Distracted by his thoughts as he was, and trusting his body’s muscle memory to guide him, Arcade didn’t notice that the small creek that led into Fern’s cave was overflooded due to the storm last night. He ended up stepping right into it with a loud splash and a very unfortunate wet shoe that would soon evolve into a wet sock, and he muttered a curse before stepping backward a bit. When he looked back at the ground, however, he had to blink in surprise at how much the small river had grown. The entrance to Fern’s cave itself wasn't hindered, thankfully, but an uneasy feeling settled in Arcade’s stomach anyway. Had the rain really been that bad there in the forest?
“Hey, Fern!” he exclaimed, dodging the creek carefully and getting inside the cave. He kept his eyes down the entire time, trying to keep his shoes as dry as possible, and got a small wave of relief when he noticed that the overflowing water hadn’t reached that deep inside the place. “How was your night? Seems the storm was kinda bad around here,” he continued, letting his feet take him to the safe, waterless far end of the cave, and only lifting his eyes as he rounded the corner that signaled the start of Fern’s ‘living room’. “Are you…?”
The empty living room.
Arcade’s words faltered when he noticed that Fern… wasn’t there. He looked around as if trying to make sure that he wasn’t overlooking them, but the place was so small and devoid of stuff that there was virtually nowhere for Fern to hide, so the movement just made him look like a fool to anyone who could be looking. But, of course, there wasn’t anyone there, and even though Arcade didn’t want to let any anxiety swell within him, the uneasiness in his stomach still became a little tighter.
He took off his backpack to place it on the ground right next to Fern’s table (a tree stump), slowly willing his mind to think logically. After all, there could be a myriad of reasons why Fern wasn’t in the cave. And judging by the fact that Arcade couldn’t see Fern’s boots anywhere, the prince was most likely outside, maybe on a walk or maybe on a foraging trip or maybe just trying to pass the time somewhere a little more interesting than this cave. Maybe they were so distracted doing something that they had probably lost track of time. Maybe they were already on their way back.
Probably, at least.
Right?
“Okay, okay,” Arcade muttered to himself, shaking his head to make his mind ignore any other possibility that could be scary. “Fern is probably just late from… something. He shouldn’t take long now,” he added, repeating to himself that it didn’t make sense to be so anxious about Fern’s whereabouts, forcing his own body to relax, stopping in his tracks… and then startling again, because he didn’t remember that he’d start walking anywhere at all.
Frowning, he looked around him again and noticed that he had been pacing around the living room, very slowly making his way towards the overflooded creek and the exit of the cave, without even thinking about it. That would’ve made him look even more like a fool… had anyone been there to see him. So, repeating to himself that Fern’s absence had just caught him off guard, that the prince was certainly fine out there, Arcade turned around and approached his backpack, intending to make himself comfortable until Fern came back.
Because he was definitely on their way back.
Definitely.
Right next to the tree stump was a rock that Fern had made comfortable by putting some moss over it (Arcade still had no idea how they’d managed to do that), and he liked to think it was the fairy’s own version of an armchair. But without, you know, the seat cushion of the chair or the arms of the chair: just the backrest of the chair. He sat down on the ground, leaned against the moss with a heavy sigh, and decided to just… wait.
It was just a matter of time. After all, it wasn’t like Fern couldn’t go outside of his own accord. They knew their way around the forest way better than Arcade would ever be able to, and they had lived there for almost a year now, and they had been strong enough to survive it all that time. Besides, he had the feeling that Fern wouldn’t appreciate him panicking for so little: it would make them feel weak and incompetent, and Arcade knew that the prince was anything but that.
He didn’t want to make them think that Arcade considered them incapable of fending for themself. Fern had probably had enough of that when they were sick, and he didn’t want to remind them of it. It wasn’t a great impression to give someone that you were kind-of-in-love with. And so, no matter how much he wished to protect Fern, or to make sure they were okay out there in a foreign realm, or to have them close enough to feel their warmth and get in the way of anything that could hurt them, Arcade decided that he wasn’t going to worry.
He was just going to wait.
♦♦♦♦♦
It turned out that pretending to be human had a lot of benefits.
If Fern ignored how bothersome it was not being able to move his ears under that beanie (as Arcade called it), and how uncomfortable the shirt and jacket were for his wings if he wore them for a long time, and how dreadful he felt sometimes when the number of humans surpassed by far the nice number of one… The prince could actually see some charm in his human costume. It let him walk inconspicuously through humans, feel somewhat less stared at by humans, and enjoy all those human wonders like chocolate, moo-fins and warm drinks.
Most importantly, it let him visit human buildings. It let him successfully get through the defenses of a human living place. It let him slip right under everyone’s eyes as he made his way through the halls of the human dorm and went to see Arcade with an ease that he never thought possible. And all of that without magic: simply by wearing some ordinary garments, keeping a low profile and feigning that he belonged there. It was quite appealing.
Of course, Fern didn’t think that he had gotten the hang of it perfectly yet. After all, he had only visited Arcade’s room a handful of times, and he’d been accompanied by Arcade during each one of them, and he still was nervous enough to feel his heart beat slower as if trying to avoid the radar of an unknown beast. But he’d sneaked in more than three times already and no one had found him out yet, so he thought that it couldn’t be a coincidence. Maybe it was just… that simple.
Maybe it was simple enough for him to try on his own.
Fern had been thinking about it for a while now; about how easy things would be if he could visit Arcade without having him as an escort. How nice his days would play along if he could just walk to Arcade instead of having to wait for him. Fern would be able to come and go as he pleased, get as many snacks as he wanted, sit next to Arcade for as long as he liked, and spend as much time with him as he could possibly have… and then, even more than that.
Fern could have Arcade even after dusk because then Arcade wouldn’t need to go anywhere in the dark, and Fern’s night vision would let him leave whenever he wanted. Fern could be around Arcade right after school instead of having to wait for him to change and walk to his cave. Fern could have Arcade’s attention for a couple of hours more a day, and listen to him talk more often about whatever with a voice that made him forget about the curse and the banishment.
Fern would just… be in the same room as Arcade way more, and they had the feeling that the more time they spent with Arcade, the more his warmth would accompany them after leaving that dorm. And Arcade’s warmth was something that Fern always wanted more and more of. And all of those things were too promising for Fern not to give it a try.
Besides, Fern already knew how to get to Arcade’s dorm alone. Of course, the first time he went there, he couldn’t really pay much attention to how he got there: the shock of the car incident and the pain of the crown piece breaking off and the stress of meeting so many humans so quickly had been too much to even remember anything. But the other times Arcade brought him along were casual, full of normal things like choosing snacks or using the showers, and Fern was able to see the way more clearly.
Before long, Fern was able to guide himself from his cave to the dorm building without much difficulty; he had learned to develop a very good sense of orientation thanks to his months in the forest, after all, and the path wasn’t that hard to memorize. The paved road didn’t have too many confusing intersections, and it didn’t even take more than twenty minutes to walk that distance. It would be a shame, really, not to put all that knowledge to good use.
So ultimately, after an entire week of deliberation, Fern decided to go visit Arcade in his dorm on their own. He considered letting Arcade know that he wanted to swing by, but he had the feeling that his friend would probably offer to accompany them instead, which wasn’t necessarily what Fern wanted. He didn’t hate, of course, that Arcade showed that he cared like that, but Fern just… really thought that he could do that one walk on his own.
He wanted to prove to himself, and to Arcade, that he didn’t need help all the time. If Arcade was giving him those tools to be able to do more for themself, like a human costume that already gave more freedom in that realm than what he’d had for months on end, Fern wanted to show him that he could use them for those things that really mattered. Like going to see him, against all odds. Like going beyond for once, doing something out of his comfort zone for once, for Arcade.
And, if Fern could say so himself, things weren’t going horribly for him when he actually carried out his plan. Right after having lunch, which consisted of some of the snacks that Arcade had provided him with beforehand, Fern dressed up in his human costume. He didn’t want to put the shirt or the jacket on just yet, mainly because he hoped to keep his wings free for as much time as possible, but it had rained like all hell broke loose the previous night and the air was still too cold to go around the forest with his bare arms. So, he dressed in those too before starting his walk.
It wasn’t that terrible, anyway: yes, the human shirt could be a sensory nightmare, but it would be okay as long as he didn’t have it on for too long. And besides, he could always simply focus on Arcade’s jacket all around him, covering his arms and his torso and his neck, and let himself be soothed by that same smell of sunlight and lavender that had kept him calm and grounded throughout the entirety of that stormy night. Not for the first time, Fern wondered how that warmth could last for so long.
The prince was also very grateful for his boots. They were sturdy, made of a material that could keep the water away, and that came in extremely handy because the storm had caused many parts of their path to be a muddy mess. Granted, Fern was good enough at navigating the forest regardless of the ground conditions, but it was still nice to have an extra layer of protection. It helped him move more easily by taking away the smallest fear of tripping that he still couldn’t shake off, and it made the entire walk faster, too.
Maybe because of that (or maybe because his strides were a little more rushed due to the excitement of visiting Arcade by himself and getting to see him sooner), Fern arrived at the dorms earlier than anticipated, and the school looked… virtually empty. There were some students here and there on their way to who-knows-where, but they weren’t as many as Fern normally saw when Arcade accompanied him there. Worst of all, he didn’t know if that made his entire mission easier or harder.
Still, instead of stopping at the little bridge that marked the limits of the school grounds and the forest, Fern kept on walking, determined to fulfill his goal. He made his way through the yard, past all the other buildings he’d never entered, and got inside the dorms with as much ease and an unsuspecting stance as he could muster. However, the lobby was even emptier than the outside, and Fern felt slightly like a target there, suddenly alone, without a bunch of students to hide him, so he couldn’t stop himself from hesitating a little at the entrance.
The woman at the desk was there, looking at her screen as per usual. She hadn’t noticed him yet. For a split second, Fern had the stupid idea of running right towards the glass door that took him to the boys' dorms just because, if she happened to look up, he would look terribly suspicious just standing there like a fool. But then his brain caught up to him, emphasized the fact that his idea was a stupid idea, and reminded him what Arcade had said once as a joke: just fake it until you make it.
By the time the lady at the desk moved her eyes towards the front doors, Fern was already moving again, willing himself to look like he definitely knew where he was going, and definitely had a reason to be there, and definitely had something very important to do (which, in fact, wasn’t all a lie considering that he was there for Arcade). Fern approached the entrance quickly enough to look rushed but not like a criminal, and even though the lady’s gaze lingered on him for a very anxiety-inducing half a second, she didn’t say anything, and Fern managed to get in unstopped.
When the glass doors closed behind him and Fern saw himself crossing the halls towards Arcade’s room, he finally noticed that his heart was pounding. Of course, he hadn’t done anything extremely dangerous or anything that he couldn’t handle himself (because, yes, they had gotten through on their own), but the feeling of having accomplished something was amazing. Briefly, Fern wondered if Arcade would be proud of them, too. If he would open the door to his room, smile twice as brightly as Fern was, and welcome them with open arms.
Adrenaline rushed through Fern’s entire body, and it didn’t surprise them that Arcade seemed to be the cause of it.
Fern reached the door to Arcade’s dorm. He knocked once, then twice, barely leaving any space in between, more impatient than ever before to get to see his friend, and then waited. But it seemed that nobody had heard him. So Fern knocked again, three fast and a little heavier hits just in case the previous ones had been too fleeting, or in case Arcade was busy doing something else and hadn’t had time to go to the door, or in case Arcade was listening to music and couldn’t hear him. But again, nobody came, and Fern stood there, outside of the room, for the worst fifteen seconds of his life.
Frowning, Fern leaned forward towards the door and tried to focus to see if he could pick up any noises from the other side. His ears pricked up instinctively at the movement; however, he still had the beanie keeping them in check, and the resistance that the fabric offered was enough to startle Fern back to reality. He had to consciously get them back down before taking a step backward and glancing to both sides of the hall, suddenly fully aware of where he was again.
Everything was silent, both around them and, from what Fern could tell, also inside Arcade’s room. But even though there was nothing going on, he started to feel that he couldn’t (or rather, didn’t want to) stay there in the hall looking like he had no purpose. So, instead, he chose the best second option he could think of: getting into Arcade’s room regardless. Worst-case scenario, the door would be locked, Fern wouldn’t make it in, and Arcade’s warm eyes would be even farther away than before.
Not a very promising thought.
Needless to say, when Fern turned the doorknob with a deep breath and then… it actually gave in, the relief he felt was indescribable. The prince opened the door as quickly as he could, slipped into the room and then closed it behind him, making sure the whole thing wasn’t too loud. They didn’t think about locking the door once inside because their eyes were too busy immediately scanning the room, ready to find Arcade’s exact location so they could shoot a smile his way.
And then he was too busy realizing that Arcade wasn’t there.
♦♦♦♦♦
Waiting became boring after approximately fifteen minutes.
For the first time ever, Arcade really understood what Fern’s day looked like. There was absolutely nothing to do in that cave, and the few things that could be interesting enough, Arcade had already done, like, a thousand times before. At first, he busied himself with looking around at Fern’s few belongings: their snacks, their trinkets hanging from the ceiling, the blue and yellow flowers accommodated almost impossibly on the walls as if they were floating…
Then, Arcade’s eyes deviated towards Fern’s cloak, folded kind of sloppily right next to the row of muffins and juice boxes, and then jumped to Fern’s hammock, shaking slightly due to the wind that made its way inside the cave. Both things looked… dirty, almost, and not as comfortable as Arcade thought Fern deserved. He wondered if the prince would ever say anything about it, and then added a laundry run to the ever-growing list of stuff he wanted to do for his friend.
And that… was all. There wasn’t much more that Arcade could do. Yes, on the little tree stump in the middle of the room were a couple of books that he’d brought Fern a few days ago; the idea was that they could take some time to check them out and then discuss together. However, Arcade really didn’t feel like reading those books to pass the time. He definitely wasn’t that desperate to find entertainment. And besides, he was half barefoot.
He had taken off his wet shoe a while ago so it could dry (luckily saving his sock from suffering the same destiny in the process), and he didn’t want to walk those six steps towards the tree stump without it, but it would be too much of a hassle to get the shoe, put it on, stand up, grab a book, sit back down, find again that wonderfully comfortable position on the mossy rock, take the shoe off again so it could finish drying… Of course, that was just the excuse that Arcade decided to use so he didn’t have to pay attention to the books. At least not as much as he should, considering that he had a curse to break.
But to be fair, the fact that the books were in Fern’s cave wasn’t helping Arcade’s cause either: there, he was always too distracted with other things. Like the smell of Fern’s hair when they sat so, so close to him to share a bag of chips while they watched a video. Or the warmth of Fern’s arm pressing against his whenever they wanted to take a selfie on Arcade’s phone. Or how Fern smiled always a little wider, always for a little longer, in a way that made Arcade stare as if he could memorize the shape of their newfound laugh lines…
In conclusion, even if he wanted to read those books, he’d end up thinking about his someone. It wasn’t worth the effort. He had to find some other way to stop feeling so bored.
Sighing, he glanced at his phone just to see how long he’d waited (which turned out to be some discouraging twenty-three minutes), and then unlocked it purely out of habit to check his (empty) messages app, and then he suddenly thought that he could pass the time with something there. He had considered playing a game, but his phone would be drained before he even finished one round.
But rewatching his favorite season of his favorite show shouldn’t be so bad for his phone’s battery, and so Arcade decided to go with that. It was always a good strategy because he knew he wouldn’t get tired of it fast, and if Fern happened to return in the middle of an episode, maybe he could get them to watch some of it with him. Arcade would probably have to explain what was going on at that point in the show for Fern to kinda understand it, but he wouldn’t mind talking to them and answering their questions: it gave him an excuse to stare at the prince’s face more often than at the screen.
The episodes seemed to pass very quickly, one after another, as Arcade got more and more invested in the plot he knew by heart. The foot that didn’t have the shoe on started to feel a little cold, but Arcade simply crossed his legs to hide it underneath his thigh and didn’t move to check if his shoe was dry already. He watched for what felt like several hours but also, simultaneously, an incredibly short time, for when a red pop-up appeared on his screen to bring him back to reality, Arcade could only think that he wished he could have a little bit more.
However, no matter how long his phone could survive with less than 20%, Arcade didn’t want to risk it or let it die completely: he still wanted to listen to music with Fern, and he wouldn’t be able to do it without his device. He sighed extremely dramatically anyway, letting his weight fall harder on the mossy rock behind him before lifting the screen up to his face to check the time, wondering how long he’d managed to give himself a distraction. But when he noticed that it had been almost three hours since, he straightened his entire body again and clutched his phone in his hands, staring at it in disbelief.
Three hours.
In hindsight, it shouldn’t be a big deal that he had lost track of time like that. It made sense; after all, the episodes were very short, and he was always quick to skip to the next one as soon as he finished them, so he hadn’t really thought of how long his binge-watching had lasted. Besides, that was partially what he had wanted anyway: to find a distraction while he waited for Fern. But despite these logical assumptions, his heart still accelerated so much that it boomed in his ears, and his chest got so tight that it felt like a knot pressing against his ribcage, and his breathing turned shallow as if he’d run for a long time just to end up in the same spot.
A rampant question had grown louder and louder in his mind, like a thunder splitting his head in two, and suddenly Arcade couldn’t stop hearing its echo everywhere. Why hadn’t Fern returned yet? It had been three hours. It was already way past the time they normally met. What could Fern possibly be doing that took them so long?
Nothing that Arcade could think of made sense. Fern knew almost the entire forest like the back of their hand, so they couldn’t have gotten lost. Fern hated the rain and everything that came with it, so they wouldn’t be just lying around enjoying some sunbathing on the muddy ground. Fern knew how to read the position of the sun to estimate what time it was, and Fern knew the time at which Arcade normally went to the cave to see him, so they couldn’t have lost track of time. At least not for three entire hours. So where…?
Where were they?
Arcade glanced towards the general direction where the entrance of the cave was, his arms feeling heavy and stiff, his hand on the verge of cramping from how hard he was clutching his phone. Where were they? Arcade had tried not to let panic overrun him earlier, trusting that Fern was okay out there, but right now it was too late, too late, and he still didn’t know where Fern was, and all the tragic ideas of the world were rushing into his head with the force of a hurricane. Fern should be there already. Fern should’ve been there hours ago.
Where was he?
And even worse, why was Arcade just sitting there?
Feeling as if a fist made of ice was piercing into his throat, Arcade sprinted to his feet with the full intention of running outside and looking for Fern in the woods because something was not right with his friend’s whereabouts. The prince could be somewhere random in the middle of the forest or in the middle of a road or in the middle of a creek, maybe scared and maybe cold and maybe injured, maybe even completely unable to move or call for help because that is the only reasonable explanation why he’d been missing for the entire afternoon, and Arcade couldn’t just stay there and do nothing.
He took a step towards the outside, but before he could actually get to running, some sort of cold and tingly lightning went up his entire leg and he had to stop in his tracks to keep the pain from worsening. When he crouched down to see what had happened, he remembered that one of his feet was still shoeless, freezing, and pretty much suffering from a severe episode of pins and needles from having been trapped on Arcade’s crossed legs for so long. Not to mention it was also dirty now because he’d just walked so carelessly on the cave’s grounds.
Arcade cursed not-so-much under his breath before whipping his head to the place he’d left his shoe to dry. Then, doing his best to ignore his screaming leg, he limped over there, snatched the shoe from the tree stump, and clumsily managed to put it on while hopping on his other foot. He was lucky that most of his shoes didn’t have any shoelaces (just a velcro-type fastening that Arcade could kiss right there) because he’d be too impatient to tie anything, and he’d end up tripping on untied shoelaces a hundred times during his search.
Arcade sprinted towards the exit for a good two seconds before remembering his backpack, currently left behind. He didn’t want to waste any more time bothering to stop on his tracks and come back for it, but he had suddenly remembered that he always carried a small first aid kit in it, and if Fern happened to… maybe need it, it would be really good to have it handy. So he decided to take it along in a rush, trying his best to ignore the fact that he’d already wasted enough just sitting around in the cave, mindlessly watching a show, for three hours that could’ve caused an unimaginable harm, while Fern probably felt… lonely. That thought alone was making him feel nauseous.
God, he was the worst friend ever.
Grinding his teeth as his leg slowly got rid of the tingly, burning feeling (although still not entirely), Arcade finally turned around and headed to the outside with no concrete plan in mind except finding Fern. He didn’t care if he spent the entire day on it; he would check the underside of every rock and the branches of every tree and every centimeter of every corner of that forest until he found the prince. Until he was sure they were okay. Until he could get to them, cradle them in his arms and be there for them if Fern happened to need him…
However, for once in a long, long time, Arcade hoped that Fern didn’t need him. He would give anything to somehow get to Fern and discover that the prince was, in fact, okay on their own. That Arcade didn’t really need to leave the semi-comfort of the cave to go outside and maybe stumble with his injured friend, because Fern was okay. That Arcade had wasted his time trying to get to someone that was perfectly fine; that Arcade had simply run all around the forest looking like a panicked idiot who’d worried for no reason. He wouldn’t care, as long as he could find Fern safe and sound.
He needed to see them safe and sound.
♦♦♦♦♦
Arcade wasn’t there. And Fern was, to put it simply, terribly annoyed.
Fern walked further inside the room, glancing here and there in rapid movements as if Arcade could be somewhere out of sight, as if the room wasn’t just too small to magically keep someone out of view like that, as if he could spot a glimpse of his shoes under the bed or his silhouette cut against the afternoon sunlight that seeped through the window. But, to no one’s surprise, he didn’t find him. Fern had walked through the forest and sneaked inside a human school and even slipped past human security inside a human building just to find out that everything had been… useless, for the one reason they had bothered to make that godforsaken journey wasn’t even there.
Fern frowned, their eyes still jumping around the dorm even against their will, their thoughts spinning around in a combination of anger and disappointment that made their throat taste bitter. They had come all that way to see him, to see Arcade, and the universe couldn’t even grant them that. And even though a small part of them wanted to be upset with Arcade for simply not being there at the time he was supposed to be there, Fern knew that it was unfair to be mad at their friend because it was likely that, contrary to Fern, he just had… a life.
A life in the human realm that was full of textbooks and homework and classes that took up more than half his day. A life in the human realm that included his other friends, and library visits, and exams that led to grades that led to either success or failure in his human education. A life in the human realm that was completely foreign to Fern, that had nothing to do with Fern, and that both of them were forced to keep that way because Fern simply didn’t get to be included. They didn’t belong to the entirety of Arcade’s life: just to the small part that the human decided to grant them every single day.
Arcade was the light in Fern’s life, while Fern was, at most, just a sliver in his, shining barely enough to be noticeable amidst all those responsibilities and projects and things that they would never be a part of. But… the prince didn’t get to be upset with him for that, so he just had to be upset with something else. And when their eyes finished scanning in every little crook and cranny of the place, and when they suddenly realized that Arcade’s backpack and phone weren’t there either, they finally found the thing they could be mad at: school.
There weren’t really that many reasons why Arcade wouldn’t be in his room at that time. Fern knew that humans held their phone devices very dearly, so the lack of a phone in the room wasn’t necessarily surprising: even if Arcade wasn’t that far away (like in the bathroom or the cafeteria), there was still a high likelihood that he would take his phone with him then too. But the lack of a backpack in the room was harder to explain, and it completely ruled out that possibility, so the prince was left with the only other obvious option: Arcade was still at school, or the library, or some other place equally important for his studies. And that was something easier to be angry about.
Fern took a quick, now focused look at the sunlight through the window, and that was enough for them to tell that it was slightly earlier than, if not exactly, the time at which Arcade was commonly out of school. Fern had arrived there earlier than they thought, after all, so it made sense that Arcade could still take a little longer to get back to his room… probably soon. Truth was that they didn’t know how long it would take for Arcade to return, but because they wouldn’t know where to start if they went outside to look for him in the school grounds, they had no other option but to wait.
One day, Fern would find the person who invented the concept of ‘waiting,’ and then punch them in the face.
Sighing, Fern sat down heavily on Arcade’s bed before taking off the beanie that covered their ears, pulling it off with a little more force than necessary. Their ears fell down immediately against the side of their face, looking like all the life had been taken out of them. Then, with movements that look stiff and disorganized at the same time, he took off the jacket that hid his wings as well, and threw it haphazardly behind him on top of the bed. And then, as if the weight of the three Frenataen islands had fallen on his chest, he let his body flop to the side and be swallowed by the blankets.
Suddenly, he felt tired. He felt drained and numb and awkward, lying down on a bed that wasn’t even his, surrounded by the smell of someone who wasn’t even there, unwilling to do much more than just… wait there, in silence. Because it always came down to that at the end of the day, and at the end of that day and every other day in their life: he had to wait. Wait for Arcade to arrive so he could have his small share of his attention, which was never adequate for them to feel included enough. Wait for the days to blur together until he forgot his curse and the pain that came with it, and the beautiful realm he once was a part of. Wait for his sickness to finally win one day, and the cough to beat his lungs one day, and his eyes to close for the very last time one day.
Fern moved his face until it was buried in the blankets and took a deep breath. The smell was similar to the one in his hoodie, but contrary to how faded and musky it was becoming in that jacket, the bed smelled soft and clean and flowy, like spring water right at dawn when all the night's stars had finished spilling their silver light on it. It felt comforting like the jacket always did, and the midnight smell soon managed to relax his body a little more, prompting Fern to lie down properly in the bed, face down, and close his eyes.
He still felt tired. He still didn’t want to be trapped there until Arcade returned. He still wished that he didn’t have to always wait and wait and wait just to see his friend’s smile and feel like their entire journey had been worth it. But at least he wasn’t so abandoned anymore. Arcade had to return at some point, surely, and until then, all Fern could do was stay there, enveloped in what seemed to be the only remnants of his friend that they had access to. They were just lucky that even so little was enough to calm them down and take away the smallest bit of weight off their shoulders every minute.
Fern wondered if, one day, the sliver of his presence would manage to shine brighter in Arcade’s life. If he would ever get to be more than just that secret, unbelievable part of Arcade’s life that his friend could always brush off as just a dream, and become something more, something bigger. He wondered if wanting to have more of Arcade’s attention was selfish, or tiresome, or demanding; he wondered if Arcade would even want to have more of Fern just like Fern wanted more of him… he wondered if he was being too greedy by hoping that his friend, one day, would accompany them home.
He wondered if he would ever be part of what Arcade calls home.
By the time he woke up, several hours later, none of those answers had magically appeared in his mind, and all that was left from his thoughts was a groggy and mushy feeling, as if his brain had turned into an autumn leaf that had rotted way too fast after falling to the ground. Blinking, he lifted his head to look around, finding darker, paler versions of furniture and various things on the ground that only made sense when his mind understood that the light from the window was dimming, that it was already past sunset, and that the sky outside was getting darker.
Had he fallen asleep?
He didn’t even remember it; however, the heaviness in his limbs when he tried to sit up again was all he needed to confirm that, at some point, he had just fallen asleep. He tried to estimate how much time had passed since, and even though it took him half a second longer than usual due to his groggy state, he figured out that he had taken around five hours of a nap. Of course, Fern didn’t know if that still counted as a nap, but he was used to having his sleep at random times of a 24-hour cycle; after all, time blurred and didn’t matter when you were a banished outcast living in a forest with no routine.
And in any case, they didn’t even care about how many hours they’d slept. They only cared about the fact that, even after five hours, Arcade hadn’t returned.
Without being fully conscious of it, the first thing that Fern did after sitting up was look around the room just like he had done when he arrived earlier that afternoon. Everything there seemed slightly dimmer, as if a thin layer of grayish dust had been uniformly applied over the world, but that was just Fern’s night vision kicking in at the dusky light from the outside. Nothing really stood out, and Fern almost didn’t understand his own urgency to survey his surroundings until he realized that he was looking for someone, and that his someone was still missing.
Arcade still wasn’t there.
Fern’s throat closed slightly too much, and the feeling of disappointment and anger that had been dormant since he woke up suddenly seemed to take over his stomach and his chest and his entire face, making him frown and tighten his jaw in an attempt to stop himself from cursing (or crying. They didn’t really want to find out which one). Where the hell was Arcade? What place could possibly be so goddamn important for him to disappear for an entire day? Had Fern really just… wasted their time hoping for something that was doomed to fail from the start?
Moved by a sudden feeling of rage that barely covered up his heartache, Fern stood up, snatching the jacket from the bed but not even bothering to put it on. If Arcade wasn’t going to show up, then fine. Fine! It was not like he cared to see him then, anyway. It’s not like Fern had wanted and waited to maybe get the slightest stupid result from the efforts he had put in his visit. If Arcade was out there doing something else, busy with something else, occupied figuring out his ridiculous human life, and without thinking of Fern even once, then Fern had no reason to keep waiting to get something else than that.
He was a fool for hoping otherwise. Arcade could return to his room if so he wanted and find it empty if so he wanted, for Fern wasn’t about to stay there like an idiot for someone who was probably on his own business, far away from there, and oblivious. He just had to repeat to himself that he didn’t mind any of it. That he didn’t care that Arcade could be out there, taking care of things that would never include Fern, because Fern could also be out there pretending that there was something else for him that mattered more than Arcade. That it was fine.
Tightening his grip around Arcade’s hoodie and trying (but successfully failing) to gulp down that nonsensical knot that wasn’t letting him breathe, Fern walked towards the window with steps as heavy as their heart. When he opened it, he felt a gush of cold air hit their upper body with enough force to make him shiver, and he noticed the clouds in the sky getting closer and closer together like a giant, frothing wave ready to burst. He had the feeling that a storm could break out later, maybe a little lighter than the blizzard of the previous night, but raging nonetheless.
Fern still didn’t put the jacket on. He simply hopped out of the dorm, closed the window however he could behind him, and started his way back to his lonely cave.
Not that he cared.