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"I love you, Ty. I love you."
Kit's words rung over and over in Ty's mind as if he were repeating a prayer. He didn't know what to feel. Ty had experienced love before, of course. He loved his family, his family loved him. But it wasn't the same as having Kit say those seven words and mean it the way he did.
That night, Kit had confessed his love to Ty, and he had said it didn't matter—that nothing mattered if Livvy wasn't alive. But it wasn't true.
Thinking back on everything right now, Ty knew he messed up just as much as Kit. Kit had told him he loved him! Ty was trying to bring back Livvy. What did Kit think was going to happen? He wasn't in his right mind. He hadn't meant to hurt Kit. He. Just. Wanted. His. Sister. Back. He was so stricken with grief, so in denial over it all, that he tried to use dark magic! Of course he didn't say the sensible thing. Yeah, Kit shouldn't have said he loved him right in that moment, but he'd meant it and Ty. . . still wasn't sure what to do with those words. He wasn't even sure if Kit still meant it because he hadn't said a word to Ty, barely even looked him in the eye since that evening, and by the way things were going now, Ty wasn't sure he ever would.
This was all too much. He just needed to forget Kit and everything he'd said that night.
Kit was avoiding Ty. It was obvious. Anyone with eyes could tell. Or, Dru certainly could. But that was only because she paid attention. Dru knew post-war was messy. People were healing, life was weird, things could never be the same. But Kit and Ty. Sherlock and Watson. What happened to them? Dru had never seen her brother more at ease than when he was with Kit, and they used to be inseparable. Wherever Ty went, Kit was sure to follow. So why was Kit avoiding Ty at all costs?
Clearly, Ty was going through things, and yeah, so was Kit, but this was her brother she was talking about, and maybe he wasn't your stereotypical big brother who teased her and did big brother things the same way Julian did, but it was still Ty, and he cared and he loved her and he would always have her back, and they'd all just lost Livvy, though her death hit Ty the hardest, and it's not like Ty had many people in his life. It Kit walked out, Dru wasn't sure if she could bear to see him more hurt than he already was.
Smad.
If Kit had to choose one word to describe how he'd been feelings these past days, smad would be the word he'd have to use. Sad and angry. Though more sad if anything.
Half the time he didn't want to get out of bed solely because he couldn't see Ty. He wasn't ready. He did anyway, pretending Ty didn't even exist, not saying a single word, not even sparing him a single glance.
He wanted to hate Ty—wanted it more than anything. Hating him would be easier. Every single cell in his body told him he should be furious for everything Ty said, the way he broke his heart, but no matter how furious he was with Ty, Kit's own broken heart betrayed him. He could never hate Ty.
Honestly, if there was anyone Kit was angry at, it was himself. If he hadn't told Ty he loved him. If he hadn't said anything at all. . .
Kit sighed, flopping back down on his bed with a flourish. Everything was too much. All these feelings and all this tension and the fact that Ty didn't want him and things could never be okay again and what if the Blackthorn's didn't even want him anymore and he had no family, but they were basically his family and he's drowning and it's all so much and these thoughts won't stop and—air. He needed air.
The roof.
It wasn't the most ideal place to have a mental breakdown, but it came with sweet memories now gone sour. There was a sense of comfort, of Ty, that calmed Kit up on the roof even if it couldn't happen anymore.
He remembered the day when he felt like he really got to see Ty. When he realized he wanted to be by Ty's side forever. When he realized Ty was maybe more than just a friendly face to him.
It was after Livvy got injured, when she nearly died. They'd been on the roof. Together. Even though it's not like they were ever apart, and Kit had learned that guilt was a dangerous feeling. More than just "oh, I feel bad because I accidentally ate the last cookie" kind of guilt. Kit hadn't known Ty for that long, but he was getting the sense that Ty never cried. But that night he did. Not because she almost died, but because he felt responsible. Guilty. Guilt over not being her parabatai because he wanted to go to the Scholomance and that meant he couldn't be Livvy's parabatai and that could've saved her. If if weren't for Magnus. . .
It didn't matter. Livvy died anyways. None of it mattered, did it? Kit certainly didn't matter to Ty.
Maybe the roof wasn't such a good idea. As much comfort as it brought Kit, it also brought just as much sorrow.
Kit cried alone, his face buried in his pillow.
The only thing Kit and Ty had in comment at the moment was that they were not happy with each other, and frankly, not happy with themselves. They had no plans of resolving these issues, either. That's why it was up to Dru.
"Hey, Mark! I've got a little, uh, mission—no, job—for you. Like, if you could do me a little favour."
Mark nodded. "Yes, what?"
"Have you noticed something different between Kit and Ty?" Dru hopped onto the kitchen counter, making a face at the salad Mark was making. If you could even call it a salad when it had acorns, ketchup, and powdered doughnuts. She'd thought by now he'd gotten accustomed to mundane things and moved away from some of the Hunt's interesting lifestyles, but clearly not. Mark was an odd guy. Why he thought this 'salad' was a good idea, Dru wasn't sure.
"Actually, I have. Tiberius has been walking around in some sort of funk. As if a cloud of sadness follows him everywhere." Mark took a bite of his meal. Dru couldn't even refer to it as a salad without wanting to never eat one again.
Mark caught Dru staring. "Would you like some?" he offered, holding the bowl out to her.
"No, thanks, Mark." She paused. "Can I share something with you?"
"Of course. Just give me a second." Mark put his bowl down and turned on the faucet. He cupped his hands together and filled it with tap water. He took a sip. "Go ahead."
"I think Ty and Kit got into a bad fight," Dru admitted.
"Over what?"
Shoot. Dru didn't think this far. She didn't want to betray their trust and tell Mark everything, but she hated seeing Ty so sad. So in the greater good of the people, the greater good of their happiness, surely the two of them wouldn't mind if she told him, right?
"Uh. . . This might sound crazy, but I think they tried to raise Livvy back from the dead."
Mark's jaw practically dropped to the floor. His fork certainly did. "Like what happened with Malcolm and Annabel?"
Dru shrugged. "More or less, yeah."
"And you need my help because?"
Dru jumped off the counter and looked Mark straight in the eye, tone stoic and set. "Because I think something went wrong."
Kit sat on his bed, phone in hand. Four words were written on the screen.
Do you hate me?
Kit sighed and deleted the message. There was no way Ty didn't hate Kit. He'd tried to stop Ty in his final moments before being reunited with his dead twin. And as Ty had said. if there was no Livvy, no one else mattered. Besides, that message was way too pathetic. Even for Kit. He couldn't send that without wanting to shoot himself in the head.
Click, click, click.
I'm sorry.
No, that wasn't right. Kit wasn't sorry. Not that sorry. Only sorry to some extent. If anyone was sorry, it should be Ty. He wasn't the one with the broken heart.
Ty learned that heartbreak could come in many forms. It didn't necessarily have to be romantic. If your heart broke, it broke. That was heartbreak.
When he discovered that Livvy was dead, he didn't allow himself to feel. Who would've thought the five stages of grief were real? At first, Ty couldn't accept the fact that Livvy was gone. Denial. Then he'd gotten all angry and crazy. And that led to bargaining which obviously didn't turn out. The depression and acceptance hadn't seem to hit yet.
When Livvy's ghost had yelled at him, told him it was a mistake, the wall that Ty kept his emotions so carefully behind broke down and it all came flooding down in one big wave. That's when Ty got his first taste of heartbreak.
His second taste of heartbreak was the loss of Kit's presence. He'd never felt more comfortable with anyone besides Livvy than he had been with Kit. Kit who made him feel like he could be himself unabashedly. Kit who could make him smile and laugh when no one else could. Kit that could calm him down when nobody else could.
Ty just wanted everything to go back to normal. He had to make it happen, couldn't just wait around for Kit or anything. But did Ty even want things to be the way they used to with Kit? Did he want something else?
No. It didn't matter. It couldn't happen. Kit didn't care about him anymore. Hadn't spoken to him in days. Life, it seemed, never changed for the better.
Knock, knock!
Mark wiped sleep from his eyes and blinked vigorously as he opened his bedroom door, not even surprised to find Dru who was very much awake in an oversized shirt with a giant skull in the middle.
"What are you doing here?" Mark hissed. "It's 1am! What are y—"
Dru clamped a sweaty hand over Mark's mouth. "Could you be any louder? Are you trying to get me caught?" Dru took her hand off Mark's mouth and pushed him out of the way, walking further into his room. She tossed him a crumple shirt from the floor. "Put this on and turn on the lights," she said as she plopped herself on the edge of Mark's bed.
Mark obliged, turning on his bedside lamp and hastily throwing on the dirty shirt.
"So, I have some Kitty ideas," Dru started.
"Kitty?" he asked, closing the door with a soft click.
Dru nodded. "Yeah. Kitty. Kit and Ty. It's their ship name I just created."
"Ship?" What the hell was a ship name?
Dru ignored his question. "Now, I know you're probably pretty mad at me for waking you up at this time, but this idea just popped into my head and I had to get it out." She leaned closer, lowering her voice. "Now here's what I'm thinking. . ."
Spying was more of Ty's expertise. Not Mark's. Ty was quiet, unnoticeable while Mark had a habit of bringing all attention to him at any given time. Time away from civilization and years with the hunt did that to a person.
He was lying on his back in the comfort of his bed, the covers pulled up to his chin as he stared up into darkness. Dru's phase one of "Project Kitty" was absurd. Invading his litter brother's privacy felt wrong, but at the same time, Dru trusting him that she asked him for help and wanting to connect touched his heart.
He ran a hand through his hair and let out a breath.
Sleep found him eventually.
Kit told himself he wouldn't go to the roof to brood. Kit was also a known liar.
He stumbled up to the roof like a madman possessed. It was drizzling, but Kit didn't care. He just cried his heart out. Did he also cry in his room? Yes. Was he going to cry even more out here on the roof under the cold rain? Also yes. Was he crying over a boy? Without an ounce of shame.
When his dad died, sure, he was sad. He watched his father get ripped apart by demons which somehow had little to no effect on him because for some reason he never cried over it. Enter Ty. A boy Kit knew for not even a year yet had him crying on his knees.
Huh. Kit wasn't even sure when he'd fallen to his knees. He rearranged himself into a sitting position though, back propped against a wall as he brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shaking legs, curling himself into a little ball. If he pretended hard enough he could almost imagine it was Ty holding him.
More tears fell. Thick, fat droplets of water rolled down his cheeks. He was sobbing now; chest heaving up and down heavily from intense hyperventilation. Kit wasn't even sure why he was crying again. He'd just gone to the roof, took one look as the rain fell, and lost it.
He curled into a tighter ball. Like if he let go of that grasp he would break. A small whimper escaped his lips. Then a heart-wrenching scream. If he woke someone up at 2am, he couldn't give a damn.
A distressed scream made Ty flinch. Where was that noise coming from? Was he imagining it? Who would be screaming at this time in the night?
Should he go to the source? He was trying to finish his letter, but a scream. That couldn't be good. False or not he had to go check it out. It was the right thing to do.
From his open window, he could've sworn the sound came from the roof which was crazy because it was raining and who would be on the roof in the rain at this time of the night?
Ty lifted himself off his desk chair and got to his feet. Swiftly and silently, he ran to the roof.
Kit stilled at the faint outline of footsteps. Was he going crazy? Who would be running right now? He had to be going insane, hearing things or something. He let out a heavy sob against his will. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes were red from crying for sure. His eyes and nose stung. God, he was so sick of crying. It was so weak. How much more pathetic could he get? You'd think out of him and Ty, Ty would be the more sensitive one, the one to break down more, but on the contrary, it was quite the opposite. Ty was the strongest person Kit knew. He'd been through so much, endured and came back stronger, and Kit could only fall apart after every minor inconvenience.
He felt like his heart was breaking even further, into millions of tiny fragments. He thought, had hoped, that afer everything he'd just stop feeling and things would be better. Why hadn't he gone numb yet?
When Ty reached the roof, a step away from the door that would lead him outside, he froze at a cry of anguish followed by a violent sob. Who was crying at two in the morning? He should go. Turn around. Now would be the perfect time. He was never good at dealing with emotions. But something in his gut told him he had to stay, make sure this person was okay, so he pushed open the door and walked into the rain, his hair immediately flattening under the water. To his left, he saw a silhouetted figure, crouched against the wall. The person let out a whimper and turned their head, wiping their eyes as they squinted at Ty.
Ty couldn't help but let out a squeak. "Kit?" His surprise slowly morphed into concern as the reality of the situation hit him. Whatever happened between him and Kit didn't matter in that moment. All that did was that Kit had to be okay. "Kit?" Ty asked again, tone full of worry.
"Go away," Kit cried out in a tiny voice.
Ty couldn't go away now. He took a step closer.
"S-stop." Kit stuttered; his voice cracked, but his tone could not have been more cold and clear.
Ty didn't say anything, just took another step forward. Kit turned his face away. Ty could just imagine the look of hurt on his face. Lips quivering, eyebrows furrowed, a desperate look of brokenness shining in Kit's blue eyes, eyes that were usually full of so much joy and had a little spark no matter where he was or what happened.
"I said stop Ty. I don't want you here."
"Why?"
Kit didn't say anything, and for a while, there was a deafening silence.
"Kit, talk to me, please." Ty all but begged, putting every ounce of affection and care into it.
Of all people to break down like this, Ty had never expected Kit. Kit who had always been able to lift Ty up when Ty couldn't himself. Kit's whole world had been turned upside down, he watched his father die in front of him, and now had no family, but he'd always seemed okay and always strived for better. He'd been so strong. And yet, here they were.
"Kit, look at me. Please, talk to me. I just want to make sure you're okay."
Kit rolled his eyes. Gone was the empathy he had earlier, now replaced with frustration. Kit continued to ignore him. He would not be talking to Ty. Ty who was the source of all his problems at the moment.
"Kit Herondale!" Ty screamed, finally fed up.
And Kit snapped. He whipped his head around, shooting Ty what he hoped to be his best death stare. "I am NOT a Herondale! It's KIT ROOK!" With every word said, it turned from a growl into a scream.
When Ty pulled out the knife, the same we he did when they first met, Kit didn't even flinch this time. He laughed, dark and bitter. "What are you gonna do? Put a knife to my throat until I talk? Again?" Kit paused, gathering his thoughts. "You know what, Ty, fine. I will talk, and you will get your way. Because that's how it always goes. So, here, now I'm talking. Let me tell you something, Ty. The day you tried to 'kill me'," Kit made air quotes, "The day we first met and you put that knife to my throat, you know what I thought? In that very moment, knife to my throat, life on the line, the only thing I could think was how beautiful. You are. I'll give you that. Beautiful on the outside and nothing but rotten and horrible on the inside. You know who was beautiful inside and out? Livvy. And guess what? She was my first real kiss, too. She also told me you were a good person. I'm starting to think she was wrong."
The blade Ty was holding dropped to the floor with a clang as Ty stared at Kit with blank eyes, almost like the life was sucked out of him.
As soon as the words left Kit's mouth, he knew he'd regret it. The moment he'd started going off about Livvy, he knew he'd gone too far. Still, it didn't stop him from spitting out, "If Livvy was still alive, she'd be so disappointed in you."
Kit wasn't even sure what he was saying at that point. All he knew was that he was hurt and it was all Ty's fault and he wanted, needed Ty to feel the same hurt he did.
Ty's hand was still trembling, arm held out as if the knife was still in his hands. He fell to his knees, as if he couldn't stand anymore, couldn't hold himself up. "Do not speak about her that way." His words came out in an angry whisper. "You have no right." He picked up the knife again, but it wasn't directed at Kit. Ty rolled up the sleeve of his sweater, placing the blade over his wrist. "One more comment and I'll cut."
What the fuck.
"No!" Kit shot up to his feet. "No. You just can't fucking say that! What do you mean you'll cut. You don't get to manipulate me like that and say these things—UGH!" Kit let out a frustrated scream. "You broke my heart, Tiberius Blackthorn! BROKE IT! BROKE IT INTO A MILLION FUCKING PIECES! I told you I loved you. That I loved you when I had loved nobody else, loved you like nobody else and I don't even know if I ever will. If you'd told me to kill myself, I would have if it made you happy. I'd have killed just to see you smile one last time. I would have done it! I would have done anything for you. And then you go and tell me that I don't matter. That after everything we went through, everything we shared, everything between us just didn't matter. So tell me, were you just using me? Was I just some fascinating new thing for you to solve the mystery of?"
Kit's heart was racing as he gasped for breath. "And to think I actually cared for someone as manipulative and selfish as you!" He practically spat the last words out. "I never meant anything to you."
"STOP YELLING AT ME!" Ty shouted as angry tears ran down his face. "Do you know what it's like to lose someone you love? As if you lost a part of yourself?"
Kit scoffed. Was he serious? He lost his dad, who, even if they weren't as close as a typical father and son were, that was his dad and he'd lost him, so yeah, he did lose someone he loved. And it was becoming quite apparent he was losing another. "Yeah, Ty. I do. I lost my dad! I watched him, get ripped apart limb by limb by some monsters!"
Something flashed in Ty's eyes as a memory clearly ran through Ty's mind. The day his parent's died, probably. Or Livvy.
"Try watching your brother kill your own dad after someone turns him into a demon. Julian, my own brother. And I was only nine! Now, I lose my sister and everything is falling apart!"
Kit rolled his eyes. Here they went, playing the blame game of who suffered more. "There you go again! Blabbing on an don about how you and Livvy are practically soulmates. If you loved her so much, why didn't you go marry her!"
"I still love her!" Ty snapped back.
Silence fell over them once again, giving Kit a chance to recognize just everything he'd said. He regretted everything, wanted to take it back if he could. And that last comment that came straight out of a kindergarteners vocabulary? Telling Ty to marry his sister? What was wrong with him? He said things he couldn't take back, things that would haunt him for the rest of his life all because he wanted to see Ty sad. He thought he'd feel good by now, but no. This? All Kit felt was despair. Like he'd lost Ty all over again.
Ty took a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm sorry, Kit. I'm sorry for yelling at you and everything else. I'm sorry. I hurt you. I know I did, and I'm sorry. I should've left you alone when you told me to, but I just wanted to be your friend again."
Friends? "Y-you want to be friends?" Kit wasn't even angry, just appalled by how Ty could ever think they could be friends after everything that went down between them.
"Yeah."
"You don't get it, Ty." How did he not understand? "You hurt me. A lot. I can't just be friends."
Kit doesn't know where Ty gets the right to be angry, but he does. "I HATE YOU, KIT! I HATE YOU!" It's like a mirror image of Kit's own words just a while back. Only it's not love Ty's expressing.
When Ty fled the rooftop, Kit wished he couldn't hear Ty's broken sob.
After her talk with Mark, Dru still couldn't sleep. She heard footsteps outside her room and decided to follow it. She slipped out the door to find Ty, running down the hall towards what she was confident would be Julian's room. She watched as he swung open the door and slammed it behind him violently, so unlike Ty's gentle behaviour.
Dru waited a moment before treading over lightly, putting her ear to the door.
"Oh, my Ty-Ty," she heard Julian coo. She heard rustling. Probably Julian pulling him in for a rare hug.
Wait a minute. Hug? Using Ty's baby name? Did something happen to Ty? Had he finally given himself up to the grief of losing Livvy?
Dru heard a sniffle. Had to be Ty.
"Tell me what's wrong, Ty," Julian said in that soft big brother voice that was special to just her, Ty, and Tavvy. Not even Emma heard him speak like that. It was reserved for his little siblings and little siblings only.
"Am I a bad person?" Dru heard Ty ask, a little shake in his voice.
"No, of course not." Julian was quick to reassure. "What makes you say that?"
Ty didn't answer, ignoring Julian's question and countering with one of his own. "What does heartbreak feel like? What's it like to be in love?"
Julian hesitated on his answer, carefully selecting each word.
"I can't really tell you that, Ty."
"Why?"
"I think everybody experiences love differently. But when you know, you'll know."
"Julian?"
"Yes?"
"If someone told you they loved you, but it was at a really bad time, what would you say back?"
One of the things Dru loved about Julian was that he didn't push. He didn't ask where it was all coming from and demand an answer. He would just listen and try to do whatever you asked of him until you felt better. It never really hit her how lucky she had it to have Julian as her biggest brother.
"Well, Ty, it really depends. If it's a random stranger, I'd ignore them. Is this person really close to me?"
Dru didn't hear a reply, assuming Ty nodded. He had to be talking about Kit, though. She was sure Julian knew that, too.
"If this person means a lot to me, I would probably be shocked if it's the first time I'm hearing them say this. I would probably stop what I was doing to make sure everything is communicated properly. Telling someone you love them takes a lot of courage and the other person's feelings can't just be dismissed. And if I can't do it in that moment, I would let them know that I acknowledge their words and that we can talk about it after the situation is over and there's a better moment."
When Ty spoke again, it was all broken up, his voice shaky and unstable. "W-what if." Ty gulped. "What if you told the person that they didn't m-matter, that you didn't care. What if this person meant a lot to you and was just speaking out of anger and. . . I messed everything up." Ty practically sobbed the last part. "What you you do?"
"What would I do?" Julian echoed. "Well, if this person truly meant a lot to me but we weren't on good terms, then I'd do anything to get them back if they were worth it. I would make up everything the best I could."
All this information got Dru's brain spinning. Someone loved Ty (Kit), and now he was asking Julian for help because he apparently messed everything up. They probably got into a big fight over some sort of unreciprocated love issue.
"Julian?" Ty said, a ghost of a whisper.
"Yes, my Ty?"
"Can I stay here tonight?"
Dru knew how the rest of this night would go. Julian would nod with a soft smile full of love and he would hold Ty (or not hold him, Ty was peculiar about touch) until he fell asleep.
Dru remembered the time she, Julian, Emma, Livvy, Ty, and Tavvy all huddled in a bed together. Emma's head rested on Julian's shoulder, Julian's arm loosely draped across Emma's small frame. Livvy had her head on Emma's lap, and Ty curled near Livvy. Dru was nestled on the other side of Julian with Tavvy sprawled out on top of them.
Dru had all the information she needed now. As silently as she could, she snuck back into her room for the rest of the night.
Kit really wanted to leave the roof. He couldn't find the strength to pick himself off the floor, though. He didn't think he ever could. Eventually, he did. Somehow forced himself off the floor and out of the rain as he made it back into his bedroom. When he reached his door, there was a letter taped to it addressed to himself.
Curious, Kit grabbed it and fell onto his bed, opening the letter.
The paper was slightly crumpled from what Kit assumed was furious eraser marks, and the paper was more oatmeal than fresh white.
He read the letter.
Dear, Watson,
Hi, Kit. You probably know this is Ty. I just wanted to apologize. There are so many things I am sorry for that words cannot explain. I don't hate you. I could never hate you, Kit, and I hope it's not what you think even though you have every right to. I'm not very good with words, with speaking in general, even though it is easier with you. I didn't think I could ever actually convey it verbally, so I've spent some time trying to draft this letter so you can know how I'm feeling.
The thought of you not in my life or us not being friends scares me. All this time we've been apart, it broke me, and that scared me. I thought Livvy and the rest of the Blackthorn's and my dreams of the Scholomance were all I needed and nothing else mattered because that's what I grew up believing. I never had friends, only Livvy, and I wasn't out with normal kids, doing normal kid things when my brother only a few years older than me raised me. How could I be normal with my life? Then I met you and you changed me. You gave me another reason to live for, another person to care so much about, then losing you just really shook me, I guess. Because I do need you in my life.
You're probably mad right now reading this because you were the one that was hurt the most in the end after you layed it all out there on the line, and you probably hate me, too. I deserve it, I know.
I should have stopped when you told me to. I should have listened. Instead, I hurt you. You were only trying to help me and for a while I just thought you never cared about me at all, but I now realize I'm wrong. You're one of the only people that truly understand me, and you were trying to make sure I wouldn't do anything I would regret. You were trying to save me and I drove you away. I'm sorry for everything I said that night. I know this doesn't take away the pain my words put you through, but I do really mean it when i say I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.
Because I do care for you, and you matter. Livvy mattered, but so do you, and just because she's gone doesn't mean there's nothing else in my life. There is. Her death broke me, but I can heal. Hopefully. With time, as all things need.
In the heat of the moment I wasn't thinking. I said anything to push you away so I could bring her back, and look where that got me.
I'm sorry if this is a terrible apology. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm me.
I just have to tell you one thing because I need you to know.
I really like you. Not just the way friends do, either.
For my whole life, I'd never imagined I'd like someone like that or that they'd like me in that way, too. Nobody wanted to even know me, that weird Shadowhunter kid, no less actually have a crush on me. It never occurred to me that this would happen. That you would come along and I would have my first real friend that wasn't someone in my immediate family. So when you actually wanted to know me, be with me, help me, be my friend, I felt something I'd never felt before.
I'd never let see a vulnerable side of me. I try to be as normal as possible because I learned from a young age people don't like different, and I was different, and I paid the price of being different with all the bullying I received. But with you, I didn't have to worry about any of that. You accepted me and you just knew me so well I felt like I could trust you with anything, with myself. It's like we were meant to be together or something. We did make a great sleuthing pair.
Julian once told me that if someone was worth it, you'd go great lengths to keep them.
You're one of those people for me, Kit.
And what I'm trying to say is I love you.
I love you. And I should've said it before.
It's a lot to say and I still don't think I'm any good at apologizing, but that's just all I had to tell you, so if you've read the whole thing, thank you for reading it this far.
Love,
Sherlock
Different emotions hit Kit after each sentence. Ty wanted to forgive him? Even after all the nasty things he said? Ty loved him? Did he mean it? There was a 50/50 chance Ty meant it, but Kit had gambled a majority of his life, he was used to this risky feeling, and this gamble, it was a chance he was willing to take. Because this was him and Ty, Ty who was everything to him.
There was a 50% chance Ty could hurt Kit again, and there was a 50% chance Kit could hurt Ty, too. It was scary, giving him, giving them that second chance. But he had to try.
Ty was worth it.