Work Text:
Hypothermia. A state caused by prolonged exposure to below freezing temperatures without adequate protection, resulting in a dangerously low core temperature.
It's a sneaky thing, the cold. They say it's better to be freezing than boiling; you can always warm up if you're too cold, but if you're too hot, you're left to suffer.
Liars.
If the cold was so preferable, then why wasn't Zoro answering him? Why was Sanji left calling his name, smacking his face to get any response? Why was his skin like ice to the touch? Why was such a strong, immovable man reduced to a limp mess in his arms?
This was all his fault. Sanji just wanted to- No, his intentions didn't matter.
What mattered was the fact that neither of them had paid attention to where they were walking, too busy arguing about who was going to bring in the biggest catch for dinner. Like the pair of fools that they were.
"Talk to me, c'mon. Don't fall asleep." Sanji slapped Zoro's cheek repeatedly, his own teeth rattling with the force of the shivers wracking his body. "Get the fuck up!"
Water dripped from his hair onto Zoro's face, rolling down the swell of his cheekbone along the path of a tear. Sanji wiped it away with a trembling hand, his flesh not numb enough to dull the pain from the chill that was spreading like poison through his body.
"Zoro, wake up or I'll beat your ass. I'm begging here, you idiot. Just please-" He choked on a sob, hunching over until their foreheads pressed together.
Zoro was so cold. So cold and still, not shivering at all. Why wasn't he shivering anymore? How did such a good day go so horribly wrong?
Winter islands were difficult for a myriad of reasons, and didn't often have a lot of options for restocking the pantry. Sure, he could get preserved goods and non perishables at the little town by the water's edge, but what they sorely needed was fresh meat.
Luffy was a bottomless pit, but he was getting a little tired of just fish day in and day out. He wouldn't say it, but Sanji knew. He could see the question written across Luffy's face every time he called them in for meals.
He wanted to grant that desire for his captain, a treat for not raiding the pantry for nearly a week. And he had dragged Zoro into it with the promise of a challenge, because he was stupid and couldn't control his own feelings.
Was it so wrong to want to spend time with his crewmate? Considering Sanji wasn't fooling anyone, much less himself with that shitty excuse, yes. It was wrong.
Years of wearing his heart on his sleeve weren't going to suddenly be undone just because he wanted to keep his little puppy crush on Zoro a secret. He was pretty sure the swordsman had his suspicions, but didn't say anything because he wasn't the type to revel in someone else's shame.
Shitty Marimo and his dumb values. Sanji wished he wasn't so easy to respect. If he could just be a bastard with no redeeming qualities, maybe Sanji wouldn't have found himself tripping into the realization that he wanted them to be more than friends.
They hadn't been docked for more than an hour before Sanji returned to the Sunny, seeking out the pair of boots tucked under the shade of Nami's orange grove. That bumbling idiot was one of the only people who could get away with napping among her trees, for reasons completely unknown.
"I have a proposition for you, Mossy." He kicked the boots, smirking at the displeased grunt that answered. "Whoever kills the meatiest edible animal wins. Easy enough that even you can't fuck it up."
"What's in it for me?" Zoro asked, not moved at all by his challenge. At least, not outwardly.
But Sanji was well versed in getting a rise out of him, and he knew that if Zoro truly wasn't interested, he wouldn't have bothered to open his eye.
The trees shielded him from most of the fluffy snow that was blanketing the rest of the deck, but he still had a light dusting across his coat and in his hair. Sanji watched with bated breath as specks of white landed on his nose, reddened by the brisk wind. They melted away into nothing before he remembered what he was standing around for.
"If you win, and that's a big if, I'll tell you where I hid the genshu."
A smile spilled slow and heady across Zoro's mouth, like he was already tasting the win on his tongue. He sat up and tilted his head back until Sanji could see the snowflakes that had yet to melt still clinging to his eyelashes. "I knew you had some left, sneak cook."
Sanji swallowed, his mouth suddenly bone dry. His vision trailed down, down, all the way to the valley of dark green fabric where Zoro's coat ended and his chest began. That stupid meathead wasn't wearing a shirt underneath, despite the chill in the air.
His foot was moving before his brain caught up, already primed to send Zoro sprawling across the deck. Instead of skin, Sanji's shoe met wood, connecting with Enma's sheath as Zoro rolled up onto his heels.
"What, now you wanna fight? Make up your mind." For some godforsaken reason, Zoro grabbed his ankle but not to shove his foot off the sword. He just held it, the heat of his hand like a lit coal even through the layers of fabric.
Sanji scowled, though the thought of a spar did sound rather tempting. It would get his blood pumping, maybe even chase away the cold seeping into his clothes. "Don't go sleeping under Nami san's precious trees, prick! Hurry up if you're coming, I won't wait for you."
The island they docked at was a decent size, large enough that they couldn't see the opposite shore from the docks. Not that they'd be able to otherwise, most of the view was blocked by the thick evergreen forest blanketing much of the land. In other words, good hunting grounds.
His quick walk through of the village by the water told Sanji that he could expect to find fishers and venison at the very least, the trappers in the square peddling their furs and antlers. But he had also seen some kind of large cat's hide spread on a tanning rack.
Secretly he hoped for moose, he had a few ideas for steaks with a brown sugar bourbon marinade. Or maybe he'd take another look at what the locals had to offer, he remembered seeing some red berries in the market. A fruity sauce wouldn't be bad, either could be paired with roasted potatoes and greens.
"The bourbon one."
He blinked, caught by surprise at Zoro's out of the blue response. Sanji hadn't registered that he was speaking aloud, much less that Zoro was actually listening. How long had he been going on for?
Still, he bristled instinctively. "Why, cause it's got alcohol in the name? You've got a real one track mind."
"That's the one you sounded excited-" Zoro started, but cut himself off with a scoff. "Forget it. Food's food, who cares what you put on it?"
"Say that again, moss for brains!" He raised his leg threateningly, but suddenly found himself pressed against a tree with a hand over his mouth as Zoro glared at something hidden in the trees.
A strangled noise died in his throat as the swordsman pressed closer, not at all aware of their position. His face, already red from the biting wind, grew impossibly warm. Sanji was going to blame it on a spontaneous fever, which was definitely also causing his thundering heartbeat.
"Bear." Zoro whispered, his hand on Wado's handle. His other slowly lowered, sliding down Sanji's chin and spreading the heat from the contact like rot.
He looked good in the snow. His hair, a vibrant green backdrop for the stark white flakes, looked like the balsam fir trees found on certain North Blue islands. Would it feel the same as those needled branches if he ran his fingers through it to shake the snow off?
"Wait, did you say bear?" That was impossible. It was the middle of winter, on an island that was forever in said state. Bears hibernated, so whatever he saw, it couldn't have been a bear. "You're wrong."
Except when Sanji dared to push closer to him so he could also peer in the same direction, he was stumped to see a genuine, in the flesh bear. Or would it be in the fur?
"You were saying?" Zoro whispered smugly, only for Sanji to kick his shin. He tensed with the effort it took not to make a noise, jaw working as he probably thought about violence and revenge.
This complicated things. Sanji knew how to prepare bear meat, but that wasn't the issue. If there was a bear walking around fat and happy in the middle of a frozen forest, then who's to say it would follow any of the other typical bear behaviors?
The creature was huge, easily reaching to their shoulders on all four legs, with a rich reddish brown coat. It seemed to be unaware of their presence among the trees, content to trod on in a slow but deliberate path far enough away that they weren't in danger unless they captured its attention.
If stored correctly, that beast would supply them with meat for weeks.
He sensed more than he heard Zoro push Wado up an inch out of its saya, Sanji himself rolling his shoulders back in preparation for a fight. Then he saw them. The little ones, running along after the huge bear in that clumsy way only babies did, tripping over their paws as they followed their mother through the deep snow.
Sanji grabbed his arm, stomach swooping with a sickening dread as he silently prayed the family of bears would just disappear. He couldn't kill a mother. He couldn't let Zoro kill one either, not when the babies were still toddling after her, their fuzzy snouts dusted with snow.
Wado slid back into its scabbard with a soft click that sounded far louder than it actually was. They watched with bated breath as the bears walked between the trees, dipping in and out of sight. Only once they couldn't see them anymore did Sanji finally breathe, the relief near strong enough to knock him off his feet.
He needed a smoke. Sanji went through the motions of lighting himself a cigarette and didn't dare to look at Zoro until he was breathing nicotine, afraid that his panic had been too obvious.
For good reason too, because when he finally did, he found Zoro searching his face with a furrowed brow. But the swordsman didn't say anything, too good of a man to do that.
They continued their search in the opposite direction of the bears.
"You're going to scare off the prey."
"Hardly." Sanji scoffed, scanning the ground for possible tracks. The fresh snowfall made it difficult, but there were signs of life everywhere if one knew how to look. "I'm not the one clanking around with three swords on my belt."
He paused near a tree with the bark roughly scraped off, eyes flicking to Zoro as he pinched the hanging shreds of the outer layer from the trunk. The swordsman was already investigating a nearby indentation in the snow and vegetation nearby.
"Elk?" He offered, comparing the height of the rub to his own body. It started at his mid thigh and went higher, signs of a large animal. Whatever it was, it would feed them and their captain's voracious appetite.
"Na, moose." Zoro said, poking at something with a little stick. A pile of droppings, disgusting but informative. "A bull, probably. Good eating."
This was starting to feel like less of a competition and more of a joint effort. Sanji didn't hate it, a scary thought indeed. If they didn't have the guise of a competition as motivation, then maybe Zoro would get bored and wander off.
"You only get the sake if you land the killing blow."
Zoro shot him a dirty glare, not bothering to brush the snow off his pants as he stood back up. "Sounds like you're scared I'll get to it first."
He scoffed and pushed past him, knocking their shoulders together before starting off down the faint trail that led away from the bedded down area. "As if you could get close enough without scaring it away."
"So you think I'm intimidating."
He could practically hear the shit eating grin Zoro was sporting. It infuriated him that even in the privacy of his own mind, he could still picture Zoro's face perfectly. "In your fucking dreams, Marimo."
They bickered quietly as they continued down the trail, sticking close enough that their whispered insults wouldn't carry among the trees.
Sanji could deal with bickering, he enjoyed it immensely. But he didn't think the human heart was made to withstand having Zoro leaning closer to whisper in his ear that the moose was going to smell his cigarette breath long before it heard them.
The trail came to a head in a clearing, trees parting around what looked to be a field. Across from where they exited the trees was a wooden cabin, derelict and snowed in to the point that it had to be long abandoned.
In the middle of the field was a large amount of disturbed snow, like something had thrashed around. The well traveled trail picked up after that patch, though it was clear that something had interrupted the daily trek.
"What's that?" Sanji asked, pointing Zoro towards the displaced snow.
It wasn't exactly high, only about ankle deep, but there was splashes of darkness hidden under the freshly fallen snow. Blood. Something had injured the bull they were tracking.
"Those rocks might be icy." Zoro said, pointing towards the irregular formations under the snow, likely not a natural fixture given the proximity to the cabin. The remains of a fire pit, most likely.
He hung back a little as Zoro trudged on, watching the trees warily. The clearing was almost too clear. Even if someone had flattened it for the cabin, there should've been signs of stumps or a manmade path through it. Something besides flat, untouched snow.
Further beyond the trees across the clearing, there was a pile of snowed in sticks and such that he had originally ignored, assuming it a refuse pile for the cabin. But it was too far from the building, and existed in a natural divide between the trees. An animal den, then.
"Hey, does that look like a beaver dam to you?" Sanji asked, forgetting that they were supposed to be tracking an animal that could hear them.
"Where?" Zoro, who had stopped and turned back when he started to speak, looked over his shoulder in the direction Sanji was pointing.
An ear splitting crack echoed through the clearing, like bones snapping. One minute Zoro was there, the next he was gone, the ground where he stood now a gaping maw of black water.
The noise hadn't yet stopped bouncing off the trees, and Sanji was already screaming his name.
Under his feet, he could feel the tremors of the cracks in the ice spreading. There was no telling the extent of the damage, the still falling snow keeping the danger well out of sight.
Sanji shook as he lowered himself to his knees, slowly spreading out his weight. The cracking continued, whispering around the clearing, warning him that he couldn't trust anything, much less the ground beneath him. The ice beneath him.
"Hang on, Zoro!" He called, crawling forward despite the danger.
The black water sloshed gently against the ragged edges of the ice, serene in the worst way. Why hadn't he surfaced yet? What if there was a current, and he was trapped under the ice?
A hand breached the surface of the water, and sharp relief cut through him as he grabbed hold. Zoro sputtered and coughed, kicking to push himself further out of the freezing water, the ice around the hole crumbling and splintering from their joint effort.
His teeth were chattering so loud, eyelid drooping even as he clawed viciously at the ice. And then he slipped back down, his grip on Sanji's arm loosening, almost falling away.
Sanji didn't let go, almost dragged down into the pitch black waters himself. His head slipped beneath the water and his body locked up from the shock of cold cold cold that took over his thoughts, frost creeping across glass. Bubbles escaped from his mouth in a surprised scream.
That nearly did them in as he slipped further into the hole, but Sanji couldn't have Zoro's dream end at the bottom of a frozen pond. He wouldn't let it.
He yanked and pulled, somehow getting his arm wrapped around Zoro's torso. With one last heave, they both broke the surface as Sanji gasped and rolled away from the edge, dragging Zoro's body right along with him.
For one unending second, he couldn't think of what to do next. He panted and stared at the gray, gray sky, snow falling down onto them like they were just another fixture of the pond. A part of nature.
Underneath them, the ice whispered and settled, threatening to reclaim them once more.
The cold set in with all the subtlety of a foghorn, shocking him out of his stupor. Sanji managed to drag Zoro towards the edge of the pond, the snow bunching up around them and revealing milky white ice below.
The swordsman tried to help, truly, but he was completely out of it. He couldn't stop shivering, teeth rattling as he blinked rapidly and grasped at Sanji's coat with stiff hands.
"C'mon, just a little more. We're almost there." Sanji urged him forward, scrambling to get off the ice as soon as possible. They collapsed onto the bank and right into a drift of snow, the worst possible place for them to be.
He just had to get them into that cabin. Just a little more. He needed to do it before Zoro-
Sanji kicked the door open. It slammed against the wall and a cloud of dust rolled across the floor. He stumbled under the weight of Zoro's frozen, sopping wet body, their feet tangling together as they rushed to get out of the snow and wind.
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Zoro collapsed onto his knees, barely conscious. He crawled forward, his coat leaving a trail of water until he finally gave up on the carpet in front of the dark, empty fireplace.
There wasn't time to waste. The place must've been an abandoned hunting cabin, but it still had supplies in it. Whoever the owner was, they would have to forgive his rudeness.
Sanji grabbed a couple logs from the wire shelf next to the fireplace, and a horrendously dusty book from atop the mantle. He didn't try to move Zoro, who was still shivering with blue tinged lips, as he ripped pages out of the book to use as starter.
"C'mon, c'mon," His lighter flickered, sparked, but didn't catch fire. "Fuck! Just light already, I can't- Piece of shit, work goddamn it!"
A hand wrapped around his ankle, startling him so much he dropped the useless lighter. Zoro was looking up at him, his pupil swallowing the gray Sanji was used to seeing.
What was he doing messing around with a lighter for? Sanji pulled up his pant leg and touched the brittle pages to his calf, watching with bated breath as they sizzled and finally sparked to life.
He gave the fire the barest minimum tending, then took to stripping Zoro of the dripping wet clothes clinging to his body. At first it was easy to unbutton the coat, but then Zoro started to fight it.
"I'm trying to fucking help you, stop it!" He hissed as he wrenched the coat from Zoro's weakened grasp. It sickened him to see the man so out of it, to know that the cold wasn't an opponent he could fight with a sword.
It wasn't fair. None of this was fair, but he had known for years that nature didn't care about fairness begged from men. It did what it pleased, whether they were in the crosshair or not.
He shucked his own coat and shirt off, looking around the cabin wildly for anything that might help. A single bed in the corner was laden with furs and blankets, but it was too far from the fireplace.
Sanji shut the door with a chair under the handle to keep the wind from busting it open again, silently regretting his decision to break it open. Then he draped a blanket over Zoro's naked shoulders, wrapping it around him tightly.
He didn't know what else to do. Sanji wasn't a doctor, he didn't- He couldn't-
He hugged Zoro to his chest and rocked back and forth in front of the fire, pleading with anything that might listen to not take that dumb moss ball so soon. Not when he hadn't yet become the world's greatest swordsman.
Zoro's head dipped, jerking up again as he fought against the creeping unconsciousness, then slumped against Sanji's shoulder.
"Marimo?"
He didn't answer. His body slowly grew heavier, leaning more weight against Sanji, until the only thing keeping him sitting up was Sanji's arms. Even that wasn't enough as he inevitably listed to the side, slumping down on the carpet.
"Talk to me, c'mon. Don't fall asleep." Sanji slapped Zoro's cheek repeatedly, his own teeth rattling with the force of the shivers wracking his body. "Get the fuck up!"
Water dripped from his hair onto Zoro's face, rolling down the swell of his cheekbone along the path of a tear. Sanji wiped it away with a trembling hand, his flesh not numb enough to dull the pain from the chill that was spreading like poison through his body.
"Zoro, wake up or I'll beat your ass. I'm begging here, you idiot. Just please-" He choked on a sob, hunching over until their foreheads pressed together.
Zoro was so cold. So cold and still, not shivering at all. Why wasn't he shivering anymore?
His frozen fingers clumsily tried to find the pulse point along his jaw, pressing in and praying as he cradled Zoro's head with the other hand. How horribly fitting, that the first and likely only time he could embrace Zoro so intimately would be when the swordsman was on the verge of death.
Against his frigid, aching skin, Sanji felt the flutter of a pulse. The sensation was so similar to hope that he almost missed it entirely.
"Thank you, thank you." He whispered, slumping down to bury his face in the cold crook of Zoro's neck. Who was he thanking? The world? Zoro?
It didn't matter. He just needed to keep that fragile heartbeat going, because he didn't know what he'd do if it stopped.
Sanji was a mess of a man, he had trouble living for himself. But that was okay, because he had a whole crew of people to live for instead. And Zoro, bright, unwavering Zoro, was one of those people.
He couldn't stop picturing Zoro on the ice, just before he fell through. How he had turned at the sound of Sanji's voice, had trusted him with his attention. Like everything he said was worth stopping and listening to.
The tears came boiling hot, spilling down his frozen skin like lava. Sanji's hands cradled Zoro so gently even as his body was wracked with the violent sobs of someone who had almost killed his best friend, thumbs rubbing across the frozen skin like he could force the red back into Zoro's skin.
He should've known. There was no way he could've. He wished it was himself he was watching disappear into that black nothingness. He just wanted Zoro to wake up and say he was stupid.
Night fell long before Zoro woke up.
He came back to himself in bits and pieces, barely waking long enough the first time for Sanji to force a cup of stale tea down his throat. Something warm was better than nothing, even if the tea didn't have much of a smell.
The cabin was well stocked, but it was clearly built for one person in mind. There was a single chair for the dining table, and a single bed in the corner, and only one of each dish.
Sanji had changed into the clothes he found in the dresser, thankful there was more than just one set. But whoever the cabin belonged to was smaller and stockier, so they fit terribly.
He hadn't tried to force anything on Zoro, mostly because if taking clothes off was a hassle, then putting them back on would be far worse. He spent most of the day curled around the swordsman, periodically tending the fire.
When Zoro finally woke up the rest of the way, Sanji was sitting back against the wall next to the fireplace, Zoro's head in his lap as he dozed fitfully. His hand carded through surprisingly soft green hair absentmindedly, not quite asleep but not quite awake either.
"Curly."
He hummed, not processing the implications of hearing Zoro's voice until he felt the head under his hands start to move. Sanji startled upright, panicking when the furs and blankets he had draped over Zoro's body fell away.
"Shit, don't move! You have to stay warm, idiot, you need those." He hunched forward and pulled the blankets back over Zoro's shoulder, holding his head down in his lap as a warning to stay still. Only once he met Zoro's bewildered gaze did he realize what he was doing. "Uh."
Too proud to mention waking up with Sanji's fingers running through his hair, Zoro focused instead on the more pressing matter at hand. This time when he tried to sit up, Sanji let him. "I fell in."
"Yep." His cheeks were fiery hot. Maybe Sanji had a fever or something.
"And you did too."
"Not all the way like you, so I was able to pull you out." He almost failed. Sanji closed his eyes against the onslaught of fear that rolled through him at that thought. Zoro was there in front of him, awake and talking, he needed to focus on that instead of what could've happened.
Zoro opened his mouth then paused, evidently deciding against whatever he wanted to say. Then he looked down at the blankets covering him, and lifted them up to peek underneath. "Why am I naked."
He was going to die of embarrassment. Sanji had managed to survive all manners of untold horrors and torment, now including being partially submerged in icy water and having to drag his dying friend to shore.
And yet he was going to die from pure unfiltered humiliation, how fitting.
"Don't sound so suspicious. I had to take your clothes off to get you dry, it's not like I- Fuck off, I just saved your life!" Sanji snapped, irritated beyond belief that Zoro could have the energy to be annoying after waking up from what should've been certain death.
Zoro threw his head back and laughed, a sound so welcome that the tension in Sanji's body just melted right out of him as he stared at the color returning to Zoro's cheeks. He looked so alive.
Tipping forward until his head bumped against Zoro's shoulder, Sanji hid his face in his hands as the joyful sound died off. He shook, knowing that whatever expression he wore would give away more than Sanji was ready to part with.
"Idiot. Stupid prick. Moss for brains. Shitty swordsman. What took you so long?" That last sentence came out far more fragile and weary than he meant for it to, but Sanji was cold and tired, and he just had a really long day. "I hate you."
A warm hand carded through his hair, coming to rest on the back of his head. He hated the way it made his face twist and contort into something too much like grief to handle. "Sorry I made you wait."
He counted to ten in his head, then forced himself to pull back and give Zoro some space. Sanji immediately took the chance to retreat, stumbling into the little kitchenette area to make Zoro some more stale, tasteless tea.
When he turned back, steaming hot mug in hand, he nearly dropped it. Zoro was kneeling by his swords with only a fur covering his lap, likely not out of modesty but to chase away whatever chill still lingered in his bones.
His fingers ran along Wado's blade, admiring the shine of the metal. When they came away slightly wet, he sniffed his fingertips to find what Sanji already knew would be the scent of sword oil. A single, very aware, eye looked up at him standing stock still in the kitchen.
Sanji flushed, hoping that his attempts to clean and care for the swords would turn out to be yet another thing unmentioned between them.
He should've known he wasn't that lucky. When Sanji carefully knelt down with the steaming mug next to him, Zoro still hadn't stopped staring. If he kept that up, Sanji was going to develop a complex.
"Here, I know it tastes like shit but you need fluids."
"Why-"
"It wasn't like I had anything else to do besides wait around hoping you woke up, okay? Don't make it weird." Sanji rushed to say, desperate to shove the whole situation behind him.
With any luck, they'd go back to the Sunny where Chopper could take Zoro off his hands, and Sanji could get back to pining from a distance. A very safe, clothed distance.
Besides, Zoro would've taken the time to do it himself if he could, considering the sword oil came from a small bottle tucked away inside his coat pocket. Sanji was just being a good friend.
"I'm gonna make it weird." Zoro said, and his head snapped up to see the determination written clear as day across his stupidly beautiful, not dead or frozen face.
Fists curled into the collar of his borrowed shirt, and still Sanji didn't know what he meant until Zoro closed the gap between them with a well timed pull. He fumbled to catch himself, slapping his hands on the floor just before they nearly crashed together.
His eyes flicked down to Zoro's lips then back up, wide and unable to comprehend what they were seeing beyond the fact that Zoro's eyelashes were green too.
Oh, he had freckles. Blink-and-you-miss-them spots, dusted right across the bridge of his nose and over his cheekbones. Sanji had never gotten close enough to notice.
"Marimo," He breathed, the word filling up the minuscule space between them to the brink of spilling over. This was all he's wanted for months. But it wasn't real, not in the way that mattered. "You almost died. Maybe you should think about this."
Zoro huffed and rolled his eye like Sanji was the one being unreasonable. "I have, a lot. This isn't me owing you or whatever shit excuse your brain's cooking up. I want this."
Sanji balked at that easy admission, as though he hadn't spent months day dreaming about moments eerily similar to this one. He couldn't bring himself to pull away, but neither could he bear to lean in.
"No, you don't."
It just wasn't fair. He wanted it too badly to deny himself the opportunity, but the events of the day colored it in an unflattering way that couldn't be ignored.
Maybe Zoro didn't think it was because he saved his life, but Sanji understood life debts. Sometimes people did desperate things to try and repay what they owed, even if it meant giving up parts of themselves.
They both knew Sanji liked him. Hell, the whole crew knew, because he was sick in love and Zoro's presence was a remedy for the soul. Like antiseptic, stinging and harsh, but still cleaning the parts of him that wouldn't heal otherwise.
He didn't like Sanji back. Not in that all consuming, chest squeezing way that Sanji liked him. Zoro tolerated, he humored, he was irritated by Sanji and all his disingenuous behaviors that badly hid the truth of his person.
Sanji knew good people, and he knew he was not among them. He was made to be enjoyed in small doses. His presence was the warmth of a body after being pulled from the ice, in the way that he worked in a pinch but anyone could take his place.
Zoro, alive, scowled at his dismissal. The fists in his collar -white with anger, not blue from the cold- tightened for a split second, then he pushed Sanji away.
Underneath that anger ran a streak of genuine hurt that clawed Sanji's stomach to shreds. He put that there. Why did he do that? Why couldn't he just let Zoro kiss him and regret it later? He wanted it so badly.
But that right there was his answer, wasn't it? Sanji wanted it too badly. He couldn't let Zoro do something so stupid just because of his own selfish desires.
"Drink the tea, Marimo." Sanji sighed, and pushed himself up on shaky hands. He didn't wait to see if the order was followed, instead searching the dresser for clothes that might fit Zoro's unfair silhouette.
He found a pair of fleece lined pants, but most of the shirts looked like they'd be shredded with one flex of Zoro's biceps. Something was better than nothing, though, so he tossed those across the room to the swordsman, who barely spared it a glance.
He just sat there staring into the fire, the now empty mug dangling from his finger as he rested his arm on his knee. It would do wonders for Sanji's sanity if he would put the damn pants on, because that bit of fur was fighting for its life to keep him decent, but now wasn't the time to ask.
An apology nearly forced itself out of his mouth, but Sanji held back. He just started collecting the blankets and furs that Zoro had thrown aside, neatly stacking most of them on the bed again.
Only two were saved and set aside, the ones he'd use when he'd try and inevitably fail to sleep later. He could feel Zoro's gaze on the back of his neck, but didn't rise to the challenge. Somehow it felt like he didn't deserve to do that anymore.
Sanji worked his jaw, an unbearable feeling rising in his throat. He could name it, but he didn't want to. Naming it meant inviting it to stay, and he had no right letting that emotion take root for a situation he caused.
"You can take the bed. I'll keep first watch." And second, and third if he had to. They couldn't leave until Zoro's clothes and their shoes were dry.
"Where will you sleep?" Zoro asked, but his voice was flat.
It wasn't a genuine question if he already knew the answer, so Sanji didn't respond. He refused to acknowledge why that felt like cowardice.
"I don't want the bed, you take it."
It couldn't more obviously be an attempt to get a rise out of him, and yet Sanji still took the bait. "Don't be ridiculous, I'm not the one who got hypothermia. You're taking it."
"Don't want it." The mug clacked against the floor as Zoro finally set it down, and he heard the shuffling of cloth.
Taking a chance and praying that noise was him donning the pants Sanji had given him for his own mental well being, Sanji whipped around with the fury of someone who was trying to help and being denied. "I don't care, you're sleeping in the bed."
"Nope."
"Zoro, I swear to- Get in the fucking bed!"
"Too cold." Zoro shrugged and spread out the fur he had been using as a modesty blanket over the floor, sprawling out in front of the fireplace. The look on his face clearly stated that he was willing to fight about it, but he had made up his mind.
He hadn't considered that there was an actual problem. Sanji stared at the bed, chewing on his lip as he considered an alternative. "What if I move the bed closer to the fireplace?"
For some reason, that suggestion made a muscle in Zoro's jaw twitch. He sat up slowly, eyeing Sanji like he was picturing the best way to take him out, and barked out a short don't when Sanji moved towards the bed.
"Damn it, Marimo, I'm trying to find a solution, not start a fight!"
"Share the bed with me."
He paused as that sank in, then laughed uncomfortably. "Right, maybe you aren't as lucid as I thought."
Zoro ground his teeth as he stood up, wobbling for a second but shooting a glare at Sanji the second his hands went up as if to reach for him. "I'm serious. You run hot, shit cook. Sharing the bed makes sense if you'd just pull your head out of your ass long enough to hear it."
Unfortunately, that made perfect sense. Sanji wasn't an idiot, he knew that the only reason he wasn't in the same boat as Zoro was because of his naturally high body temperature. It took a lot to keep him cold.
But the bed was a twin, and they were two full grown men. Sharing meant getting real comfortable with sharing the same air all night. He was being tested in new and unusual ways, and for some reason Zoro was the one doing the testing.
"Fine." No, not fine. Take it back. "If it means you'll sit your injured ass back down, we'll share the damn bed."
He was going to explode into a fine mist and Zoro was going to have to scrape Sanji's remains off of his bare chest. Sharing the bed, god, what was he thinking?
There was an arm over his stomach and a leg tucked between his own, and Sanji was considering just killing himself to end his misery. It wasn't fair that he was being tortured while Zoro was sleeping like a rock.
They didn't start out in that position, mind you. At first they started side by side, laying pin straight in the bed. Then Zoro started drifting off, shifting around more than usual. He mumbled in his sleep too, something Sanji had never once heard him do. He could only assume it was the hypothermia still taking its toll.
But when Zoro grabbed hold of his waist and dragged him further onto the bed, throwing a heavy leg right over him like he was a stuffed bear instead of a crewmate, Sanji was about ready to walk right into the pond.
His fists twisted in the blankets, the fur tickling his skin and making him restlessly twitch every so often. The weight on his stomach was unwelcome in the way that it felt so unbelievably right that he scorned it, Zoro's breath rolling across his collarbone as he slept soundly only a hair's breadth away.
He wanted- It didn't matter. None of this mattered, because somehow in his attempts to seek out a soft solution to the desire to be closer to the swordsman, he had convinced Zoro that this was the best way to pay him back for a life debt.
Was it so wrong to stop Zoro from doing something he couldn't take back? Why was he the bad guy? Why did he have to be tortured like this?
"Easy, Curly." Zoro murmured, adjusting himself so his face was tucked against Sanji's neck. "Can feel you tensing up."
"Sorry." He grit out, suddenly needing to cover his eyes. Why did that one word sound like a confession of guilt? That terrible, crushing sensation in his chest was back, and Sanji couldn't breathe. "I'm sorry."
Instead of falling back asleep, Zoro pulled away. And god, that was worse than if he had just stayed put. Sanji couldn't even let himself enjoy something he had wanted for so long that he couldn't remember when the desire started.
"Are you crying?"
"Fuck you." Sanji hissed on a shaky exhale, pressing his hand down against his eyes harder. Maybe if he used enough force, he'd cave his own head in and save himself the trouble of dying from the feeling in his chest.
The arm around his stomach drew back, the leg between his moved away, and Sanji let out a sound so pathetic that he was ashamed it ever left his mouth.
He wanted, he wanted, but none of it was his to ask for. How cruel. How expected.
"Yeah, guess that's on me. Should've known this'd be too much." Zoro sat up, all the blankets folding over their legs as he brought a knee up to his chest to hug. He scrubbed at his face, then stared off into the shadows cast by the dying fireplace.
"What?"
"Just forget it, Curls. We can try again later." He said, words tainted by something that sounded eerily like defeat. Then Zoro started trying to crawl out of bed like he wasn't the one with fucking hypothermia.
"Stop, what the fuck are you doing? Just lay back down, I'll get up." Sanji sniffed and wiped his damp palm off on his shirt, shoving Zoro back towards the wall so he could be the one to leave.
For some reason, that set Zoro off like a pressure cooker left too long. "Drop the self sacrificing act already, damn it! I'm trying to-"
He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, slowly letting all that tension slip out of him as he leaned back against the wall. Sanji didn't know what he was talking about, but he knew that it was a long time coming, and that was a terrible thing to realize.
How long had Zoro been biting his tongue, refusing to voice whatever issue he had with Sanji's behavior? How long had he found it hard to be around him, and how long had Sanji failed to notice the obvious signs?
"I thought-" Zoro started, stopped, started again while scratching his head awkwardly. "I know you're attracted to me."
Sanji froze, eyes caught on the fur pelt spread over his lap. He wasn't supposed to mention that. Nobody was supposed to, that was the whole premise of being allowed to like Zoro without stepping on any toes. As long as it wasn't mentioned, he was safe.
"Guess I just figured that I could show you I felt the same, and then we wouldn't have to talk about it." He said, as though that wasn't the most incomprehensible, cruelest thing he could lie about. "But it's been months, and somehow we're still at the part where you lose your shit when I touch you like this."
Zoro motioned between them, further twisting Sanji's mind into a mess of knots and questions and answers that didn't make sense. He again pictured Zoro disappearing into the water, except this time it was him standing there above the cracking ice.
He couldn't breathe, it was so cold and his body was freezing, betraying him to the shock of the water. In sharp contrast, the tears on his face were iron hot, the rock in his throat squeezing every last speck of air out of his lungs.
Who would be the one to pull him out of the water? Zoro? Or himself?
"You don't want me like that." Was that his voice? Why did it sound so strangled, like every word was a shard of glass on his tongue?
"Cause you're the only one who's allowed to like people. Get over yourself." Zoro scoffed. There it was again, that hurt hiding under his razor wire glare.
Except Sanji now had an idea for what was causing it, and it was unbearable. Months. Literal months of torment, of wondering if he was coming on too strong, if he was making Zoro uncomfortable, if he was too much.
And Zoro had the audacity to say that he felt the same? As though Sanji's affection wasn't a blight staining what it touched, spreading like frostbite through once healthy relationships?
Sanji once fed a stray dog a meal he made especially for it, only to learn after the fact that the ingredients he used were toxic. He cried for days. He pulled Zoro from the water and cried, afraid that his desire for closeness had killed him too.
"You never said anything."
Zoro rubbed his neck uncomfortably, "Yeah, well. I thought you didn't want me to."
He did. He didn't. He hated Zoro, he hated himself more for ignoring the obvious signs, he hated that he didn't actually hate anyone at all.
"But you said we could try again. Earlier."
Zoro opened his mouth, ready to refute whatever Sanji threw at him next, but apparently didn't expect that. His face grew red, and he looked away like he could hide from his own words. "I did."
"Is that- Can I-" He wanted to throw up.
Sanji dug his fingers into the fur pelts, and tried really hard to think of a reason he shouldn't continue. And when he came up with a laundry list for that category, he did the same for reasons he should. Only one thing came to mind. I want to.
He wanted, and so did Zoro, and the water was cold but he was treading it. He always did run hotter than normal, maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay in the cold just a little longer. It was just them here, them and the bears and the moose and the snow falling into that hole in the middle of the pond.
"Don't make this weird." He whispered, and watched as Zoro's eye lit up in recognition.
"I'll make it weird. Don't tempt me."
Zoro's lips were cold. He shivered at the first touch, and the second, and the third until it was unavoidable to admit that he was just shaking. But the heat from Zoro's hands chased the frost away, and when he touched back, Zoro didn't recoil.
The logs in the fireplace shifted, sending a cloud of sparks billowing out and lighting up the cabin, bright spots dancing across Zoro's skin. They fit right in alongside his freckles, and Sanji's lips on his.
He wondered if the symptoms of hyperthermia differed from hypothermia. Then Zoro made him realize he didn't care.