Chapter Text
Jackie's family's been going to Deb's beach house in Cousins every summer since she was a baby. Since before she was even born. All year long, she would count the days until she was that house. The dads come to visit, but it's not their place. They don't belong to it. Not the way they did. The mothers and kids.
The summer house is made up of lots of things. The beach. The swimming pool late at night. Movie nights with the moms. But the siblings. The siblings most of all.
It's the same every summer. Jackie's always loved that about it. For her, everything good, everything magical happens between the months of June and August.
She was packing for her yearly summer trip to Cousins with her best friend Tai who was droning on about irrelevant gossip that Jackie didn't really have time to think about right now, "Travis's bummed you're missing the beach matchup with the boys' team next weekend."
Jackie sighed at this, tired of Tai trying to play cupid with her, "Um, make sure you tell Mari to square up for the block."
"Travis Martinez is texting me about you, and you're talking about volleyball?" Tai chuckles, "Like, are you serious right now?"
"Travis doesn't care if I'm there or not," Jackie scoffed, "He just wants an excuse to text you. And you better take this game against the guys seriously. I mean, team pride is on the line, Tai."
Tai laughs out loud at this, "Please. You know me better than that, I would never let a boy beat me at anything."
"I thought you came here to help me pack," Jackie says, throwing a top at her.
"Fine, I'll help," Tai says, holding up a swimsuit and looking at Jackie incredulously, "Here's a tip. Don't bring that Speedo, it doesn't do a thing for your new boobs."
Jackie shifted uncomfortably, arms reaching around her torso automatically, "It's not a Speedo."
"I'm just saying, babes. Like, you need to pack cute things," Tai said, giving her a knowing look.
"Well, I always buy a new suit when I get there," Jackie tries not to let her mind wonder as to what (who) is waiting there in Cousins for her. Who might be seeing her in her new swimsuit.
"Okay, so, buy one that doesn't look like you're trying out for the swim team," Tai laughed, stretching out the swimsuit and flinging it at Jackie.
"Jackie, we're leaving in the next ten minutes!" they hear her mom call from downstairs.
"I got to go," Jackie says, zipping up her bag.
Tai gives her a look of annoyance but softens and says, "Okay, before I let you go, you have to tell me your summer wish. Like, the one thing you want to happen this summer."
Jackie refused to let her mind wonder to what her true wish would be, instead replying, "I don't know."
"You little liar. Yes, you do," Tai chuckles, "You want a hot make out with Shauna Shipman. You want her tongue in your mouth, you dirty little slսt."
Jackie's face became covered in red, unrelenting blush forming up her neck and cheeks, "Okay. Shut up, Tai."
Tai shrugged her shoulders, simply stating, "I'm just saying. Like, you've been in love with her since we were 12. You've got to shit or get off the pot."
“Okay, A that’s disgusting,” Jackie muttered as Tai just grinned, unbothered.
“And B,” Jackie added, staring up at the ceiling, “it doesn’t matter what I do. She doesn’t see me that way.”
Tai’s grin widened. “Oh, she’ll see you. Whether she wants to or not. You look a lot different than last summer, Jack.”
Jackie’s cheeks flushed. She reached for a pillow and pulled it over her face, as if that might muffle both Tai’s teasing and her own nerves.
About ten minutes later, the car was packed, her bags stuffed in the backseat with Van’s, her sister, and they were already an hour into the drive to Cousins Beach.
Jackie loved this drive. Every time, it felt the same, like coming home after being gone too long.
From the speakers, Kim Petras’s “Can’t Do Better” pulsed through the car, the windows vibrating faintly with the bass. Van drummed on her thigh in time with the music, while Jackie sang along at the top of her lungs, shamelessly off-key.
“Uh, can you guys turn it down a little, please?” Gabrielle, Jackie's mom, called from the driver’s seat.
“Yes, please,” Van added from the back seat, rubbing her temple.
Van reached forward to nudge the volume knob down.
“I want you both to be better about helping out this summer,” Gabrielle said, eyes catching them briefly in the rearview mirror, “Don’t just leave your dishes in the sink. Load them into the dishwasher. And not just your own dish either, Van.”
“What? But I—”
Gabrielle cut her off with a raised brow, “I mean it. Be good houseguests.”
Van groaned, tipping her head against the window, “Mom, Deb has people who clean, doesn’t she?”
“Van,” Gabrielle warned, her tone sharp. Jackie leaned back to flick Van on the head, making her yelp.
“All right, all right! Sorry!”
Jackie sank lower into her seat. Gabrielle was always particular about money, about how Deb had more and they didn’t. Jackie didn’t care about the difference, but her mom was determined that they would always be considerate, always act like they’d been raised right.
“Van, that means don’t stay out too late,” Gabrielle added.
“Mom, I’m too old for a curfew!”
“Wait, what about me?” Jackie piped up, hopeful, “I don’t have a curfew either, right?”
Van let out a soft laugh, “What do you need a curfew for? You don’t go anywhere.”
“Don’t be a jackass, Van,” Gabrielle muttered.
“What?” Van said innocently.
“Jackie, we’ll talk about it if something comes up,” Gabrielle said firmly.
Jackie sighed and crossed her arms, “Oh, and don’t forget, you promised you’d take me driving.”
“I told you I’d take you,” Van argued.
“Yeah, but you’re too judgy.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yes, I’m sorry,” Jackie said quickly, smirking.
The music carried on faintly in the background. Jackie glanced at her reflection in the window, her hair catching bits of sunlight.
Boys and girls at school never looked at her. They always looked at Tai. Jackie was just… there. Forgettable.
Until this summer.
At the gas station stop, Jackie was buying a handful of sweets and laying them all on te counter as the boy at the cashier looked her up and down and asked, “Are you new this summer?”
“Uh, me? N-no.” She laughed nervously, cheeks hot.
“Really? Hm.” His grin was easy, practiced, “Thought I knew every pretty girl in Cousins.”
Jackie let out a small laugh she couldn’t hold back.
“You coming to the bonfire tonight? First of the season.”
“Uh, maybe.”
“Come,” the boy urged, “I’ll introduce you to some of my friends.”
“Maybe I will.”
Jackie was still flustered when Gabrielle’s voice pulled her back, “After we get settled, do you want to go to Whale of a Tale with me so I can pre-sign stock for the event tomorrow?”
Jackie shifted, “Uh…”
“Remember how you used to sit on my lap when I did signings there?” Gabrielle’s tone softened, “You insisted on drawing a little whale in every book I signed.”
Jackie wrinkled her nose, “No, I don’t remember that.”
Gabrielle chuckled, taking the empty soda cup from her, “I’ll make you a deal. You can pick tonight’s dessert if you come with me and keep me company.”
Jackie nodded faintly.
The car pulled away. Jackie leaned against the window, breathing in the faint salt in the air. Cousins smelled exactly the same. Tasted the same. Like it had been waiting for her to come back.
By the time Gabrielle turned into the driveway, the house loomed like it always had; whitewashed, wide porches, the sea just beyond the dunes.
The second the engine cut off, Deb's voice carried over the gravel, “They’re here!”
The front door flew open. Jeff, the youngest of the Shipman siblings, bounded out, grinning.
“What’s up? Hi, oh my God, hello,” He gave Jackie a once over and then pulled her into a hug, “Long time no see.”
Gabrielle was greeted with laughter and warm embraces. Van thudded into a handshake that turned into a half-hug with Jeff.
“You been going to the gym, bro?” Van teased, “Seriously.”
Everyone was talking at once, hellos, laughter, the sound of home. Jackie was swept into it, dizzy with the energy, until the screen door creaked.
Shauna, the oldest of the Shipman siblings and the girl of Jackie's dreams, stepped out onto the porch, barefoot, hair rumpled from the wind. For a moment, everything slowed.
“I liked you better with glasses,” Shauna said quietly, eyes flicking over Jackie.
Jackie’s heart stuttered, but she forced a smirk, “Too bad. I like me better without them.”
Shauna’s mouth curved, almost a smile, as she reached out and ruffled Jackie’s hair before turning away.
Van cut in immediately, slinging her arm around Jeff. “Hey, hey, guys, guys. I think it’s time for a…”
Together, she and Jeff shouted, “Jackie flop!”
Jackie shrieked as they lunged at her, “No! No! Don’t you dare!” She darted back, squealing, but they chased her down the deck and toward the pool.
“Jackie flop! Jackie flop!” their voices echoed.
A moment later, Jackie hit the water with a splash, laughter bubbling up as she kicked back to the surface.
“How’s the water?” someone called.
“Freezing!” she gasped, clinging to the pool edge as Jeff dove in after her, Van not far behind.
It was chaos. The kind that felt inevitable, like every summer before.
Later, dripping and shivering in a borrowed towel, Jackie lugged her suitcase inside. Deb fluttered over, gasping at the stack of boxes Gabrielle carried.
“Oh my God, Gabrielle. How many did you bring? I told you not to bother.”
Gabrielle shook her head. “Your fancy little market doesn’t even carry Diet Coke, Deb.”
The women laughed, talking over one another, Deb already chiding her about the catering for the party. Jackie drifted back, watching quietly.
And then Deb turned to her. “You have always been lovely, Jackie, but, oh, honey. Look at you.”
Jackie laughed nervously, “I think I look pretty much the same.”
“You do not look the same at all. You’re growing up. You’re in bloom.” Deb'ssmile was luminous, her words warm enough to almost make Jackie believe them.
“People always say I look like my dad,” Jackie mumbled.
“No,” Deb said firmly. “When your mom and I first met, she looked just like you."
"Except,” Gabrielle added with a laugh, “I had no boobs at all.”
“Gross, Mom,” Jackie groaned, but her cheeks burned anyway.
The moment broke into laughter again, everyone talking at once, moving suitcases, dripping water, filling the house with noise. And for Jackie, it was exactly what she’d been waiting for.
Jackie went upstairs to put herself back togtether after her unplanned trip into the pool. She said hi to Junior Mint, a polar bear teddy that Shauna had won her from the fair when they were kids, who was on her bed.
Jackie was still toweling her hair dry walking downstairs when Jeff came bounding into her as she entered the lounge, dripping pool water all over the hardwood.
“Come on,” he said, tugging at the edge of her towel, “Let’s swim before dinner. I’ve been waiting for you to get here all day.”
“I…” Jackie glanced toward the kitchen where Gabrielle was unpacking groceries, “I can’t. I promised my mom I’d go to Whale of a Tale with her.”
Jeff clasped his hands together in mock desperation, “Aw, man. Don’t do me like that. Please, Jackie. Pretty please?
He leaned closer, grin widening, “Pretty please with ice cream on top?”
Jackie laughed despite herself, “You’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously persuasive,” Jeff countered, eyes shining, “C’mon. Just one swim. Screw the bookstore.”
Jackie hesitated. She thought of her mom's hopeful look, the way she’d asked for company. But Jeff’s grin was warm, expectant, and her pulse sped at the thought of him waiting for her.
“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. “One swim.”
“Yes!” Jeff whooped, already darting toward the sliding door. “I’ll meet you outside. Don’t bail on me.”
“I won’t,” Jackie called after him, smiling helplessly.
Gabrielle appeared at her shoulder with an arched brow. “You’re ditching me, aren’t you?”
Jackie winced. “I’ll go next time?”
“Let her play, Gabs,” Deb said from the counter, uncorking a bottle of wine. “I’ll go with you. I just need to swing by the club first.”
“The country club?” Gabrielle groaned. “God, never mind. I’ll go alone.”
“It’s just to check on catering for tomorrow.” Deb waved a dismissive hand.
“Catering? You swore it was just wine and a few snacks.”
“Light hors d’oeuvres,” Deb corrected smoothly. “Don’t worry. You don’t even have to go inside. You can wait in the car.”
Gabrielle sighed, defeated. “Fine. But if you leave me too long, I’ll get sunken placed.”
Beck laughed, looping her arm through Gabrielle’s. “It’ll be quick.”
Jackie slipped away, heart already beating faster. The sun was low over the dunes, the air still heavy with heat, and somewhere beyond the porch, Jeff was waiting.
And when she opened the sliding door, she caught a glimpse of Shauna on the deck, leaning against the railing, arms folded. Shauna didn’t say anything, but her eyes followed Jackie as she passed, sharp and unreadable.
The weight of that gaze stayed with Jackie long after she ran down to the water, and to Jeff.
“Come on,” Jeff’s grin was infectious as he tugged at Jackie’s hand, “Okay, I’m ready.”
They padded barefoot across the sand, the ocean darkening under the lavender dusk. Jackie shivered in the breeze, but excitement warmed her chest.
“Hey,” Jackie said suddenly, eyes on the horizon, “Did you know my dad’s coming up for the Fourth?”
“Cool,” Jeff hugged her towel tighter.
“Don’t you think it’s weird?”
“Not really, I love your dad.”
“Yeah, but my parents have only been divorced, like, a year and a half.”
Jeff gave her a small smile, “That’s what’s cool about your mom, though. She just doesn’t give a shit.”
“Exactly,” Jackie chuckled, “She doesn’t give a shit because she’s the one who wanted the divorce in the first place.”
Jeffkicked at the sand, “I think if you don’t want to be married, you just shouldn’t be married.”
“Tell that to my grandma, she basically collapsed when my mom told her.”
They both laughed.
“Did you know my dad has a new girlfriend already?”
Jeff raised his brows, “What about your mom? Is she dating anybody?”
“No,” she shook her head, grinning. “But my dad has a beard now.”
Jeff laughed outright at that, “Your dad has a beard?”
“Yeah, he thinks it makes him look cool.”
“Does it?”
Jackie tilted her head, “Kind of.”
Their laughter mingled with the surf. Jackie inhaled the salt-heavy air and felt her heart lighten.
“I’ve waited all year for this,” Jackie said, eyes sparkling. “You want to race?”
“No, no, I can’t. Your legs are too long now.”
“Oh, come on.”
He bolted ahead anyway, sending sand flying. Jackie shrieked and chased after him.
“That was a bad start! You cheater!” She laughed breathlessly as they splashed into the shallows, the tide wrapping around their ankles.
He darted ahead again. “I’m gonna get you!”
--
Dinner was noisy, full of clinking silverware and overlapping conversations.
“Van,” Gabrielle said sharply, pointing at her daughter's phone. “I swear to God, if you look at that screen one more time, I’m putting it in the basket.”
Van rolled her eyes. “It’s just-”
“No excuses. We want to see your beautiful faces. Dinner is a screen-free zone. Like the olden days.”
Jeff laughed at Van's flexing as she aimed her phone at the couch, “Seriously, Van.”
Jeff smirked, flexing his arm dramatically, “Boom. Nailed it.”
Van reached over to poke his bicep. “Okay, okay, we get it. You’ve been working out."
“You’re just jealous because Jeff has a better body than you,” Jackie shot back.
“Uh, no.” Van flicked her hair. “It’s all about the lean look now. Otherwise, you can’t wear tailored suits.”
The table erupted in laughter.
“When are you leaving for training camp?” Van asked Shauna.
Shauna, quiet until then, toyed with her fork. “I quit football.”
The table stilled. “Wait, really? You quit?” Jackie asked.
Shauna nodded.
Van gaped. “Are you kidding me? I’d kill to play college ball.”
“She can always change her mind,” Deb said quickly.
“I’m not going to,” Shauna muttered. “I was just gonna sit on the bench all season anyway.”
Van leaned forward. “Well, if you’re not playing football, what are you gonna do all summer?”
“Dude, you can work at the club,” Jeff offered.
“Yeah, with me and Jeff.” Van grinned.
Shauna gave a flat look. “I’m not working at the club.”
Jackie glanced between them. “Wait, you guys are working this summer?”
“Yeah,” Jeff said. “I’m lifeguarding, and Van’s at the snack shop.”
Deb clapped her hands suddenly. “Oh, Jackie, I almost forgot! I have a surprise for you.”
Jackie's mom tilted her head. “So that’s why you had to stop at the country club.”
Deb's eyes sparkled. “I wrangled you an invitation to be a debutante.”
Jackie blinked. “Is that the thing where girls wear white dresses and curtsy?”
“It’s when a girl comes of age and is presented to society. I know it sounds silly, but I swear it’s fun. Girls come from all over New England just for this. You’ll make so many new friends.”
Gabrielle groaned. “I cannot believe you’re still holding onto this archaic dream.”
“It used to be about finding a husband,” Deb admitted, “but now it’s about networking. They teach you leadership skills, how to market yourself, and it all benefits charity.”
“It’s like a bat mitzvah,” Jeff said with a grin.
“It is not like a bat mitzvah.” Shauna scoffed. “There’s nothing religious about a debutante ball. The whole scene is ridiculous. It’s for sheep.”
“No, it’s not.” Deb leaned toward Jackie. “It’s about a girl’s coming out, a formal recognition she’s reached maturity.”
Van coughed on her water, laughing.
“Sorry,” Van said, shaking her head. “Mature? Jackie?”
“Mm-hm,” Deb insisted.
Van smirked. “A couple months ago you held a funeral for your cat. You made us all wear black.”
“Shut up, Van.”
“I saw you crying in your room,” Van added with relish.
Jeff blinked. “Wait, Mochi died? Dang. I’m sorry, Jack.”
Jackie ducked her head.
“Don’t you want to get all dressed up?” Deb pressed gently.
Gabrielle laughed. “It’s just not Jackie’s thing. She’s our feral little alley cat.”
“Alley cat,” Van echoed with a grin.
The table burst into laughter. Jackie rolled her eyes, but a smile tugged at her lips.
“I’ll think about it,” she muttered.
Deb beamed, “She’ll think about it.”
--
Jackie padded down the hall still damp from the pool, a fresh towel snug around her shoulders. She passed Gabrielle in the sitting room, glow from the phone lighting her face.
“Night swim?” Gabrielle asked without looking up.
“Night swim,” Jackie said, already smiling.
“Hey, how many followers is a lot on Instagram?” Gabrielle said, not tearing her eyes away from her phone.
“Is it someone verified or not verified?”
“What’s verified?”
“Oh my God, Mom.” Jackie plucked the phone from her. On the screen was Cleveland Castillo’s profile, a grid of book covers and lecture halls. “Tai's dad was reading this guy’s book. Yeah, one hundred and fifty thousand is a lot. Especially for a writer.”
Gabrielle, suddenly self-conscious, reclaimed the phone. “Okay. Thanks.”
Outside, the air had cooled, summer humming in the hedges. Jackie jogged toward the pool and stopped. Shauna sat on the coping, legs in the water, a beer at her side, a thin coil of smoke drifting from the joint between her fingers. Jackie had never seen her like this. Something in her chest snagged.
“I thought you said smoking pot changes the way your brain processes information,” Jackie blurted.
Shauna didn’t flinch. “So does your cell phone.”
Jackie dropped the towel and dove. Water rushed her ears; for a second the world was nothing but blue. She surfaced, slicking hair from her eyes. “You said marijuana messes with white matter.”
“Do you even know what white matter is?”
Jackie began to circle, slow strokes, a teasing orbit. “You said our brains are still developing and—”
“God.” Shauna’s laugh was small and sharp. “Do you memorize every single thing I ever said?”
Yes, Jackie thought. “Get over yourself,” she said instead, a little too fast. “You’re the one who said smoking’s dumb and real athletes don’t put stuff in their bodies.”
“I said a lot of things,” Shauna murmured. “And I’m not an athlete anymore.”
Jackie floated on her back, eyes on the moon. “I still think you should quit.”
Shauna glanced down at her, a glint of the old mischief. “What’ll you give me if I do?”
The air changed, it was charged, almost loud. Jackie’s breath stuttered. She rolled upright, turned away. “Nothing. You should quit for yourself.”
The spark went out as if someone had pinched a candle.
“Why are you even considering this debutante thing?” Shauna asked.
“I don’t know.” Jackie kicked lazily, making rings. “It’s not like I have anything else going on.”
“It’s not you,” Shauna said, gentler than before. “Don’t let my mom make you into her little doll just because she never had a real daughter.”
“I don't mind it.” Jackie looked back at the house, the warm windows. “Sometimes I wish I was her daughter.”
“You’re better off with Gabrielle.”
Jackie watched Shauna take another drag, the ember bright in the dark. “Why are you acting so different?”
That landed. Shauna’s easy mask faltered. “I—I’m not.”
“You are.” Jackie edged closer, hands on the coping now, water beading on her arms. “What happened?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know you,” Jackie said softly. “Something’s going on. Just tell me.”
For a heartbeat, Shauna’s guard lowered; she looked like she might actually say it. Then the sliding door banged open.
Van and Jeff spilled onto the deck dressed to go out, laughing, cologne and trouble. Jeff clocked the scene, the wet hair, the closeness, then looked away quickly.
“We’re leaving,” Van said to Shauna. “You ready?”
“Can I come too?” Jackie asked before she could stop herself.
“No,” Van said automatically.
Jeff winced. “The moms are setting up your movie night,” he offered, apologetic.
Jackie met Shauna’s eyes. It felt like a question, and then it wasn’t.
“See ya,” Shauna said, already standing.
“Have fun with the moms!” Van called over his shoulder as the door swung shut again.
The car doors thudded in the distance, the engine caught, and Jackie stared at the pool’s rippling black. The hurt rose hot and ridiculous.
--
Jackie padded into the kitchen wrapped in a towel, hair dripping down her back. Gabrielle stood at the stove shaking a pot so popcorn wouldn’t scorch; Deb was scooping ice cream into frothy root beer steins like it was a contest.
“Brownies are about to go in the oven!” Deb announced.
Jackie managed a wan smile.
“Go put the DVD in,” Gabrielle said.
“Do we have to watch It Happened One Night?” Jackie asked. “Can’t we do something different?”
“But we always watch It Happened One Night on the first night.”
“We could do The Philadelphia Story instead,” Deb offered, then paused, really seeing Jackie. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. I’m just kind of tired. I might skip the movie and go to bed.”
Gabrielle and Deb traded a look.
“Sure, honey,” Beck said softly. “We can save the brownies for tomorrow night.”
They watched her go. Upstairs, Jackie lay on top of her covers in an oversized t-shirt, the ceiling fan ticking a lazy halo above her. She stared at nothing, then thumbed open FaceTime.
Tai picked up mid–winged eyeliner, surprised. “Why am I hearing from you? You never call me on the first night.”
“Where are you going?” Jackie dodged.
“To a show. What’s wrong?”
“Shauna and I were talking by the pool, just the two of us, and it felt… different.”
“Good different? See, I told you!”
“I don’t know. Van and Jeff came down and they all left for some beach thing.”
“Why didn’t you go?”
“Like I care about a beach bonfire.” Her voice thinned. “And it’s not like they asked me.”
“They don’t own the beach,” Tai said. “Also, didn’t that guy from the gas station mention it?”
“Yeah.”
“Exactly. Go have fun.”
“I don’t like him.”
“That’s not the point. Shauna will be there. Go to the bonfire, get in her eyeline. Let her see you dressed up and cute. Nothing is going to happen if you’re alone in a big t-shirt waiting for the boys to come home.”
The idea lit inside Jackie like a match catching. She sat up. “All right. Shut up. I’ll go.”
Tai squinted at the screen. “Is that what you’re wearing?”
“It’s fine. Nobody dresses up for bonfires.”
“How would you know when you’ve never even been to one?” Tai sighed. “Look in your duffel. I gifted you my secret weapon. Not to keep, just to borrow.”
Jackie unzipped the bag, froze. Tai’s favorite body-con dress, sleek as a second skin, “No way in hell.”
“Jackie. Who got five promposals, me or you?”
I didn’t even get one, Jackie thought, and the old sting surprised her. People kept saying she looked different this year, but no one had asked her to anything that mattered.
She held the dress against herself in the mirror, uncertain. “Won’t you be able to see my underwear?”
“So wear a thong.”
“Thongs are unhygienic,” Jackie said primly. “It’s basically flossing your butthole.”
Tai screamed with laughter. “Jackie! Thongs are mainstream!”
Jackie couldn’t help laughing too.
In Deb's bathroom, Jackie rifled drawers, dabbing and wiping away lipsticks until one shade felt right. She spritzed perfumes, too sweet, too musky, settling on something clean and soft. The medicine cabinet held a neat line of prescription bottles she didn’t notice.
Downstairs, the TV’s light flickered in the dim living room, the famous hitchhiking scene from It Happened One Night. Jackie, now in Tai’s dress, paused on the stairs.
“Do you mind if I try?” Ellie said on-screen.
“You? Don’t make me laugh,” Peter replied.
Gabrielle and Deb laughed together. Deb rested her head on Gabrielle’s shoulder. Cozy. Familiar. Jackie’s chest tugged toward them; part of her wanted to slide into the corner of the couch, let the night fold the way it always had.
But then it would be like every other first night.
She slipped out the back door unnoticed.
The beach thrummed with a bonfire, laughter, a keg pumping out plastic-cup confidence. Jackie hugged her arms across her chest. Tai’s dress clung; every other girl wore cutoffs and tiny tops.
She was gonna kill Tai.
She scanned the crowd. No Van. No Shauna. No Jeff. For a beat, it felt like she’d made a mistake.
Then the gas-station boy clocked her and lit up. He jogged over, sloshing beer from his Solo cup, “Whoa, where are you coming from?”
“Another party,” Jackie said, trying to sound breezy.
“Sweet. Here, take my beer.”
“No, I’m okay.”
Beer splashed her dress anyway.
“Oh, shit!” He swiped at the spot with his sleeve.
“Tai’s gonna kill me,” Jackie muttered.
“Who’s Tai?”
“My best friend.”
She was still scanning for Shauna when Van strode past with Shayla on her arm. Relief flooded her.
“Van!”
She looked at her like she didn’t know her, then did a double take. “What are you doing here? And what are you wearing?”
“I invited her,” cashier boy cut in, puffing up. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Her sister, you creep. She’s fifteen.”
Grocer boy hopped back. Van tried to drape her hoodie over Jackie’s shoulders; she shoved it away, “I’m almost sixteen!”
Van frog-marched her toward another cluster of kids, Shayla trailing with an apologetic smile.
“Let go of me!”
“Quit embarrassing yourself!”
Jackie twisted, stumbled, went down in the sand. Grit filled her mouth; she spat, blinking hard. When she looked up, faces were turned, curious, amused.
And there was Shauna.
Kissing a girl in a Red Sox cap and cute, like this was the most normal thing in the world. Lottie pulled back and wiped lipstick from Shauna’s mouth; Shauna took a sip of beer and then finally saw Jackie, “Jackie?”
Jackie scrambled to her feet, heat roaring up her neck. “But, you hate the Red Sox.”
Shauna looked away, embarrassment cutting through her usual armor. Regret flickered there too.
“Who are you?” Lottie asked, assessing.
“Who are you?” Jackie shot back, her voice wobbling.
“Shauna took me to my deb ball last summer,” Lottie said coolly. “How do you know her?”
Jackie turned to Shauna, hurt spilling out. “I thought you said deb balls were bullshit, and all debs were sheep.”
Lottie’s eyes narrowed at Shauna. Shauna’s jaw tightened. “You’re a brat,” she muttered.
“Well, you’re an asshole,” Jackie fired back, tears threatening.
Silence pressed in, the ring of watchers tightening, when Jeff materialized like sunshine, looping an arm first toward Jackie, then toward Shauna. “Jackie, you came! We can all hang tonight!”
She shrugged him off.
“I’m taking her home,” Van said.
“What about Shayla?” Jeff asked. “You can’t leave now.”
Van looked over at Shayla, hesitation tugging.
“Just let Jackie hang,” Jeff said. “What’s the big deal? She’s already here.” Someone called his name and he waved. “Be right back.”
Van leaned down to Jackie. “Stay right here and don’t talk to anybody.”
Jackie lifted her middle finger, then stepped sideways out of her shadow and let the crowd swallow her.
Jackie sat hunched on the sand, knees apart, dress tugged awkwardly as she wiped at her eyes. Her cheeks burned, tears stinging worse than the grit of saltwater.
I never should’ve come, she thought. Maybe some things change, but not this. Shauna Shipman will never love me back.
“Flavia? It’s me, Sextus!”
Her head jerked up. A girl stood a few feet away in a hoodie, blonde hair falling into her eyes. For a second she thought she’d misheard.
“What did you just call me?” she snapped, glaring through tears.
“No, no, Sextus,” she said quickly, hands raised. “From Latin convention in seventh grade? You’re Flavia, right? You placed second in the poem recitation.”
Jackie blinked. Then recognition broke through. She tugged her dress lower over her thighs. “Oh! Yeah. You dressed up for the costume contest. Weren’t you… a wizard or something?”
“I was Charon, ferryman of the dead.” she mimed tipping a hat. “Salve, Flavia.”
Jackie couldn’t help it, she smiled, “Salve, Sextus.”
She laughed, shook her head, “My name’s not really Sextus. It’s Nat. Natalie, actually, but everyone calls me Nat.”
“I’m Jackie,” She hesitated, then scooted over a little. “You can sit if you want.”
“I was on my way out,” she admitted, lowering himself beside her anyway. “But I’ll hang for a bit.”
“Are you new this summer?”
“Nah, I’m local. You?”
“I’ve been coming here since I was a baby.”
Nat tilted her head. “How have we never run into each other? I would’ve remembered you.” she coughed, backpedaling. “I mean, your poem. It was really memorable.”
Jackie rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself. “I stick close to home when I’m here.”
“How come?”
“I don’t really know anybody. Other than my family.”
“Well, now you do.” Her tone was simple, kind.
She smiled again, warmth creeping into her chest. Then she shivered. She should’ve taken Van’s hoodie after all.
Without a word, Nat shrugged out of her hoodie and passed it over. Jackie hugged her knees and pulled it on, the sleeves dangling past her hands.
Jackie and Nat sat shoulder to shoulder, easy as if they’d known each other forever.
“So… did everybody see me fall before?” Jackie asked quietly.
“…Sort of,” Nat said.
“My sister's such a dick.”
“Who were those other people?” she asked casually. “One of them your boyfriend or girlfriend?”
“No way. They’re family friends. My mom’s best friend’s kids. It’s their house we stay at every summer.” She shot a baleful glance toward the bonfire. “They’re just mad I’m here.”
“Well, I’m glad you came.” Nat dug her toes into the sand. “I didn’t want to, but I knew it’d just be people drinking. I don’t really drink.”
“Me either.”
“So how do you know all these summer people if you’re local?” Jackie asked.
“My mom works at the country club. I grew up around them.”
“Oh, hey.” Jackie leaned toward her. “Do you know anything about the debutante thing at the club? It’s dumb, right?”
“Well… it’s steeped in the patriarchy, if that’s what you mean.”
“Yeah,” Jackie said quickly. “That’s what I thought.”
“But it’s not all garbage. They raise a ton of money for women’s health. Elizabeth Warren came last year.” She pulled out her phone, grinning as she showed her the wallpaper: a selfie with Warren.
“That’s awesome,” Jackie said.
Nat glanced at the time. “Ah, man. I don’t want to leave, but I’ve got to be up early. I’m interning on a whale-watching boat.”
She hesitated, about to ask if she wanted to come, when a commotion broke out near the fire.
Shauna’s voice, sharp with anger. Jackie whipped around.
The gas-station boy, clutched a six-pack. Shauna stepped into his face.
“They’re our beers,” Shauna growled. “Get out of here and drink your cheap-ass shit somewhere else.”
Lottie rolled her eyes and walked away and grocer boy squared his shoulders. “Say that again.”
Jackie shot up and said to Nat, “I’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!”
She darted between them, just as an elbow swung wide. Pain burst white across her cheek; she stumbled into the sand.
“Jackie!” Shauna’s voice cracked, horrified. She reached for her, but gas station boy used the moment to land a blow.
Shauna reeled up, fury igniting. “What the fuck!” She swung back, landing a punch. The guy's friends lunged in.
Jeff and Van barreled over, fists flying.
Through it all, Nat dropped to Jackie’s side, hand brushing her face with worried gentleness. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Jackie said, stunned more than hurt as red-blue lights cut across the sand.
“Cops!” someone yelled.
The crowd scattered. Nat grabbed Jackie’s hand and tugged her into the dark. Together, they ran, the bonfire shrinking behind them.
As they reached Jeff's car, he shoved Shauna into the back seat and swung into the driver’s side, fumbling for the ignition. “Let’s go, Jackie.”
Jackie glanced at Nat. Her pulse still raced from the scuffle, from Shauna’s voice calling her name in horror. “Nat can give me a ride home. Right, Nat.”
“Yeah,” Nat said quickly. “It’s no problem.”
“You can’t get in a car with a girl you just met,” Jeff said firmly.
“Uh, actually, we sort of know each other,” Nat offered, straightening. “Seventh grade Latin convention? So we’re not, like, total strangers.”
Jeff shook his head. “No offense, but no. Jackie, we’re going.”
“Just get in,” Shauna muttered from the back seat, eyes dark as Jackie shot her a glare.
“You should go,” Nat said softly, hesitating. “The whaling boat I intern on leaves at dawn every morning. Would you maybe… want to come one day? I could introduce you to my favorite whale. Jonah.”
Jackie lit up. “Yes. Sure. How else will you get your hoodie back?”
They grinned at each other, nervous and awkward and thrilled. Then, in a sudden, reckless spark, Jackie rose on her toes and pressed a quick kiss to Nat’s lips before darting into the SUV.
The car fishtailed once before Jeff braked hard. “Shit, we forgot Van.”
He threw it into reverse, stopped at the curb, and jumped out. “Watch Shauna,” he told Jackie before disappearing.
The car fell quiet, dark, Jackie leaned back, her hair spilling loose across the seat.
Shauna’s hand moved, hesitant, then bold fingers brushing the ends of Jackie’s hair.
“Your hair’s like a little kid’s,” Shauna murmured. “Always so messy.”
Jackie held her breath, her heart hammering. Their eyes met in the rearview mirro, charged, unspoken.
“Jackie…” Shauna began.
A rap on the window shattered it. Police. Van and Jeff stood sheepish behind them.
“Have you kids been drinking?” one of the officers demanded.
Back at the summer house, two cops stood on the front mat while Gabrielle, wrapped in a robe, spoke firmly. All the kids hovered behind her like guilty shadows.
“Officers, thank you. It won’t happen again,” Gabrielle promised.
“Tell Mr. Shipman the Chief wants to set a tee time when he’s back in town,” one of them added.
“Absolutely. Sorry again.”
She closed the door and turned, fury barely contained. “How could you be so irresponsible?”
“Mom, it wasn’t a big deal,” Van protested. “They were just breaking up the bonfire.”
“Not a big deal? Getting picked up for underage drinking isn’t a big deal?”
“Were you guys smoking too?” Van blurted before Gabrielle silenced him with a glare.
“I was the DD,” Jeff said quickly. “Didn’t drink, I swear.”
Gabrielle’s eyes shifted to Shauna, clearly drunk, shirt torn, a cut on her cheek. “What’s with her? You’re the oldest. What the hell’s gotten into you?”
Shauna didn’t answer. Gabrielle’s gaze swung to Jackie. “When did you leave without telling anyone? And what on earth are you wearing?”
“It’s Tai’s,” Jackie muttered, pulling Nat's hoodie tighter. “Why am I the only one not allowed to go out?”
“It’s not that,” Gabrielle said sharply. “It’s that you should have told us. How did you even get there?”
“I walked.”
“Jesus, Jackie. You know better than to walk that far alone at night.”
“I was fine! Stop treating me like a kid!”
“If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one.”
“Then maybe you should too,” Shauna cut in, voice low.
Everyone turned. Gabrielle froze. “What does that mean?”
Shauna just shrugged, refusing to elaborate.
Gabrielle sighed. “We’re guests in this house. Don’t put me in this position again. Next time I call, you pick up.”
They nodded.
“And you two,” she said to Jeff and Shauna, “be glad your last name is Shipman. Otherwise tonight could’ve ended a lot worse.”
Jeff muttered an apology.
“Go to bed,” Gabrielle said.
The kids drifted upstairs. Shauna lingered until Gabrielle’s voice stopped her. “I don’t understand what’s going on with you.”
Shauna’s eyes glittered, hard. “Gee, I don’t know, Gabrielle. What could possibly be going on with me?”
Gabrielle swallowed. Did she know? She glanced at Deb asleep on the couch. “Shauna…”
But Shauna brushed past and took the stairs two at a time.
Later, Jackie lay in bed, restless. A knock on the wall—two taps.
She smiled faintly and knocked back. Jeff, in the room next door, grinned into the dark. Their secret goodnight.
Upstairs, Jackie stared at the ceiling, then thumbed her phone.
It happened, she texted Tai.
“???” came the reply. You kissed Shauna?!
No. It was a girl from the bonfire. Sextus.
Sex WHAT?! TELL ME EVERYTHING.
Jackie smiled despite herself, but regret twisted in her gut. She touched Nat's hoodie, still warm with her scent, and noticed the debutante invitation on her bedside.
Things change, she thought. Whether you want them to or not. Maybe I will too.
She checked Accepts with Pleasure.
At dawn, Jackie slipped outside, hoodie pulled tight. Shauna sat on the sand watching the horizon. Jackie plopped down beside her.
“Last night was…” Jackie began.
“A shitshow,” Shauna muttered.
“Amazing,” Jackie countered.
Shauna glanced sideways. “You’re gonna have a black eye.”
“It’s already tomorrow.” Jackie paused. “Do you even remember? You were wasted.”
“I always remember,” Shauna said flatly.
Jackie touched her hair, wondering if that included the moment in the car. Shauna fished for a cigarette. Jackie smirked. “Let me have one.”
“No way. Gabrielle’ll kill me.”
“Then if I can’t, you can’t.”
Shauna laughed, the sound startling after weeks of brooding. “Same old Jackie.”
Jackie hugged her knees, smiling softly. She touched the bruise forming at her eye. She wasn’t the same. Not at all.
“Let’s go get muffins before everyone’s up,” Shauna offered, a flicker of the old version of her.
But Jackie shook her head, rising. “I’ve got somewhere to be. Don’t let Van eat them all.”
She ran for the side of the house, grabbed a bike, and swung on.
“Where are you going?” Shauna called after her.
“To see about a whale!” she shouted, hair flying as she pedaled into the pink wash of dawn.
I thought this summer would be like all the others, Jackie thought, exhilarated. But it’s not. Because I won’t let it be.