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Alastor had always thought of his husband as someone who was able to handle anything. A demon of fire and sharp wit, quick with comebacks. Some more clever than he could come up with. Quick to mask pain with humor, Angel was tough.
But tonight? That mask had been shattered.
Alastor was… Worried, sat on the edge of their bed, an expression still with a smile, yet more strained in place. He knew he didn’t look happy, because Angel didn’t look happy. Worry twinging at his fingers as he hovered them near Angel’s face, unsure whether to touch him or not. Angel sat up, curled against himself with two hands pressed hard against his head.
His fur, usually fluffy and soft, was now frazzled and matted. Angel trembling as tears ran down his clothes, his makeup long since smudged and smeared across his face. It was the sobbing that got to him the worst.
Angel letting out a low whine as he gripped at the sides of his head harder, praying the stupid pain would just go away.
“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts…” Angel whimpered, voice raw from crying. “Fuckin’ Hell, Al- It’s s-so bad.” Shuddering with another sob as Alastor gently soothed his back. “I h-hate this, I wouldn’t even wish this shit on Val.”
Alastor faltered.
That name, Valentino.
The vile word alone enough to make him feel the venom surge in his chest. His grin faltering for the briefest moment in disgust, twisting into something bitter. Snarling almost as his static spiked, making Angel flinch ever so slightly.
“Don’t”, Alastor warned softly, trying to keep his voice even, smooth, the way Angel always said he liked it. “Don’t waste your pain on him, mon cher. He doesn’t even deserve the thought.”
Angel sniffled, he didn’t respond. His whole body jerking with another pulse of pain, the ear infection had started two days ago. Mild at first, but the second he’d woken up? Agony. He didn’t know if it was some shit to do with being a spider Demon, but ever since dying everything had always been louder. Now even the quietest sounds were killing him.
Angel curled up more as he forced his head against Alastor’s chest, needing the pressure of just pressing his head against something. Alastor allowing it, Angel’s bottom set of arms curling in desperation in the blankets.
Alastor’s heart clenched. Static crackling in worry as he reached out, hand moving from Angel’s back, moving to his shoulders. But faltered as Angel flinched violently back.
“Mmmm- Stop- Stop!” Angel cried with a hiss, shoving him back. Angel hadn’t pushed him hard, Angel hadn’t meant it. But he sobbed “Fuck- Al, you’re hurting me!”
Alastor froze, his hand hovered in midair, the words hitting him hard like a physical blow. His ever-present grin wavering, faltering, disappearing entirely. The static surged louder, not intentional. It wasn’t a thing he could control.
The radio spiking with a loud buzz, making them both flinch. Angel immediately sobbing.
Alastor pulled back immediately, his chest aching in a way he hadn’t felt in decades. He hadn’t meant to hurt him- He would never- Never.
“I..” Alastor faltered, ears pinning back as his voice broke, the smoothness he always carried gone. “I’m sorry, Forgive me.”
But Angel was beyond hearing, sniffling with another sob as he curled tight, hands still firmly pressed against his ears as if pressing his head hard enough would make it stop.
The sound of the tears making his own ears ring worse than that static. Not noticing the way his hands shook as he walked back, his legs carrying him out of the bedroom before his emotions could spill over into something worse.
Shutting the door behind him with a quiet click.
Without Angel, the hallway felt colder, emptier. The static in his head had become unbearable, he could hear it now. He understood how insane that could drive someone, how painful it must have been. The buzzing loud enough to start to drown out his own thoughts. Pressing his hands to his own temples, nails digging into his scalp. He hated this involuntary sound.
He hated having emotions when it came to Angel, that the damn fool could make him feel things, feel worried over him. He hated himself for letting it come out, for letting it hurt Angel.
He paced, back and forth, back and forth. The only sound now being the sharp clack of his shoes tapping against the wooden floorboards in quick uneven pacing. The smile he always wore was nowhere to be seen, rarely ever did he let it slip.
He hadn’t known what to do and he hated it.
He wanted to comfort his husband, be there and hold him until he felt alright again. But all Alastor had given him was pain, a want for him to leave.
For years, he had been the one to make others tremble, to twist their pain into his amusement. Yet now? When faced with the love of his life's very real suffering? He found no joy, there was no amusement in this. Only an ache, only the frantic crackle of static that made the walls feel far too close.
He took a deep breath, breathed out.
Another deep breath.
After a few minutes, minutes that felt like hours, Alastor forced himself to breathe, to calm himself. Straightening his suit, long since wrinkled. There were no mirrors in the hall, but he knew he’d had to be looking awful. Smoothing a hand through his disheveled hair he breathed, the static now fading into background noise.
Calmer, good. Quiet enough to not be a bother, to not hurt him.
He plastered his smile back on, not for himself, but because he knew Angel needed it.
He stood in front of the door, the sobbing now quietened. Hand simply just holding the door handle, not opening it. He stopped, and then opened it, slipping back inside.
Angel was still curled up where he’d been when Alastor had left, his crying had grown quiet now, even if his body was still trembling between every shuddering breath. Body twitching in anxiety and in pulses of pain every time his ears throbbed. He looked so small, so broken. So- Unlike the dazzling creature he fell in love with. The one who’d always strut through the Hotel halls with more energy than Niffty and Charlie combined.
Alastor’s grin softened into something less performative, something real. He approached, slowly, quietly. Not attempting to startle him.
“Angel,” He said, his voice low, apologetic. “I am… Terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to add to your hurt.”
He breathed quietly, steadily. He was staying calm, keeping himself in check, keeping the static at bay. Angel winced, but let himself lean across Alastor’s lap as the deer sat on the edge of the bed again, Alastor running a hand through his hair.
“Too loud,” Angel mumbled hoarsely, “You were too loud….”
Alastor’s heart cracked further, swallowing hard. Removing his hand from Angel’s hair as he placed it folded in his lap, careful. Not moving until he heard more.
“I will try,” he murmured. “For you, I’ll try to keep it down.”
It wasn’t easy, it was tied to his very being. Any emotion brought it back in that overwhelming constantness, he could ignore it. But knowing how unavoidable it was to listen to? He grounded himself, not wanting to add to the pain again.
Minute by minute passing in silence, Angel’s shaking began to slow, he’d still shudder every once in a little bit, but it wasn’t as intense. Alastor hoped that meant the pain was calming.
Angel sniffled, weakly opening his eyes as he turned his head, looking up at Alastor from where he laid in his lap. “Didn’t think you’d come back,” Angel whispered. His voice cracking on the last word.
“Of course I did,” Alastor said, his tone firm despite the ache in his chest. “I would never abandon you.”
Angel swallowed, blinking more tears away. He didn’t sit up again, but he wasn’t moving out of Alastor's lap either, so that was enough for now.
“I don’t want this to hurt anymore,” Angel finally whispered, wincing as he stared up exhaustedly at Alastor. “Feels like someone’s drillin’ my fuckin’ head in…”
“I know, mon cher,” Alastor soothed, finally daring to move his hands back once again, placing one hand very gently to the side of Angel’s head by his ears. Angel giving an involuntary sigh at the coldness, the relief from it, leaning into it. Alastor moving the other one to the other ear, Angel giving an exhausted moan of pleasure. “I’m here to ease it however I can.”
“I like that.” Angel shuddered, blinking slowly as he frowned. “... I’m sorry for freakin’ out on ya, I didn’t.. Mean to shove ya’ or anythin’, promise. I just really don’t feel good.”
“I know, my dear.” Shifting his cold hands again as Angel sighed once more, closing his eyes as his breathing started to slow in exhaustion and a final feeling of relaxation.