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It’s weird, to say the least. So much changes in the span of a few months. One day, Second Dan--as he’s grown to call him until he meets him someday--has red hair. The next day, it’s black. It’s not… Normal. It takes a while for Dan to adjust.
“Dan, why don’t you tell us about your reflection this morning?” His mother inquires as a part of the “bonding you experience related to your soul mate.” Dan chokes on his cereal.
“I, uh, well… His hair. It’s different,”
“How different?”
“It’s dyed black,” Dan emphasizes. “I don’t know how to feel about it. Maybe I’ll grow to like it,” Dan shrugs his shoulders and returns to his morning routine. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to the idea of his soul mate’s reflection. It’s not that he doesn’t understand; he’s just (im)patiently waiting for the day he meets the boy. His name won’t be Second Dan anymore.
A few years later, Dan is in secondary school. The boys tease him for having a different male’s reflection, and the girls don’t bother dating him. Dan doesn’t mind; he just wishes that his soul mate lived a bit closer. Right next door would be nice, Dan thinks. He walks past a trophy case, and the reflection from the glass shows curious eyes staring back at Dan. His soul mate’s hair is messy, and Dan chuckles. He hasn’t seen a day when Second Dan’s hair isn’t at least a little messy. Dan imagines a rushed morning because he’s too busy sleeping in, maybe dreaming about him. First Dan--Dan Dan--shakes his head. That’s silly. He would be dreaming about better things.
“Hey, want to take some pictures in the park with some of my mates?” A girl from the “in-betweeners” asks, and Dan nods. It’s traditional to take pictures every couple of days with a group of friends so you can actually see what you look like beyond the reflection of your soul mate. Besides, they make great photos for MySpace--if the group approves it, first.
Secretly, Dan wishes that these boys and girls were his friends, but he knows that they ask him out of pity. He’s just the weird kid who wears black all the time and smiles at the reflection of an unknown male. There’s nothing special about him.
From time to time, Dan thinks about his soul mate’s thought process. Does he like my brown eyes? Does he smile at my messy hair like I grin at his? Does he ever notice the raccoon-like circles under my eyes and get worried, or is that just me?
“Dan?” The girl calls him back to this dimension. “You comin’ or what? Matt, Jessica, and some others are waiting on me--I mean, us,” Dan nods and goes with the girl. What’s her name? He doesn’t care. Why did she ask him? He doesn’t need that information.
Right now, he just wants to stare out the window and faintly see his destiny engraved in the glass with a cloudy background.
Fast-forward a few more years, and Dan is out of secondary school and deciding what he wants to do with his life. The thought of being alone in this world is terrifying until he remembers the reflection that he sees every day. Even in a sip of water, he sees the man he’s going to spend the rest of his days with.
During this time, Dan has become addicted to YouTube, a brand-new, video-sharing site where he watches funny skits, advice videos, cat antics, and other things. He can’t get enough of the videos. The content can be stupid at times, but people who put so much effort in their work inspire him to do better.
That is when Dan stumbles upon a channel called AmazingPhil, and he can feel his heart speeding up. The dark hair, the blue eyes that he could dive into and swim in for hours; it’s all there. Tears well up in his eyes as he realizes who this is. This reflection he’s had for all of his natural-born life has a name, and it’s more than Dan can bear. He wants to leave a comment. He wants to tell this “Phil” about who this stranger he’s seen in his eyes. He wants to let the whole world know who exactly Phil is.
As he reaches for the keyboard, he stops himself. It’s too… Sudden. It feels too easy, and he notices that his reflection is still the same blue-eyed man. He tries to remember exactly what the Soul Mate Proclamation states.
”In order to obtain your own reflection, you must meet them in person. Photographs, newspaper articles, and other mediums are not permitted ways to gain the sight of yourself.”
At that point, Dan damns every document written about the Soul Mate Proclamation. He curses the name of his soul mate, and he finds himself drawn to the content of his videos.
“Oh, what’s this?” Dan digs through the list of videos and clicks on one titled, “Take a break, love.” The video plays.
”Hi, guys! So, today, I noticed that my soul mate--I call him Winston. I know; I’m weird. Anyways, Winston was a wee bit exhausted! If he sees this, I’m telling him to take a break right now! You need to get some rest and a comb,” Dan laughs at that. ”Anyways, Winston, you need to get off that coffee or whatever is keeping you up at night. Young man, don’t you realize that someone out there is worried about you?”
The tone turns tender, and the air of laughter is gone from his voice. ”I don’t want you stressing out about exams. I want the reflection that smiles when I can’t find it in myself to. Get yourself some soup and maybe some coughing medicine? I can’t tell if you’re sick or not. You’re just looking under the weather." Phil sighed. "Please feel better soon, Winston. I’m counting on you to get me out of bed.” Dan can’t speak, and he keeps staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor. ”Well, that’s all for today! If you enjoyed this video, please leave me a comment down below and maybe you could like this video for me? Thanks, guys! Byeee!”
At the beginning of the video, tears on Dan’s face were trickling. Soon, they’re causing a torrential downpour to erupt. He can’t contain himself for very long. He’s so overwhelmed.
For years, he’s been wondering if the man in his reflection is out there. He’s been so scared of ending up alone because he doesn’t know the first thing about social interaction with someone who’s meant to be with you forever. Dan has spent quite a long time staring at the way that his soul mate’s eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs and the tone that his voice carries. The smile is better on camera than in a small reflection, and the details are etched into Dan’s mind. Phil’s voice is soothing, and Dan wants to fall asleep to that sound every single night.
Dan is tempted to leave a comment about the video, but he doesn’t want to overreact in this moment. Instead, he binge-watches every one of his videos. He makes sure to favorite the ones talking about this Winston character.
Dan wonders if he’ll ever find the courage to leave a comment under one of AmazingPhil’s videos.
Five minutes later, he doesn’t have to wonder.
Meanwhile, Phil edits a new video about a strange dream he had a few nights ago. He glances at the mirror he keeps by his computer to check up on his soul mate, and he finds his Winston crying. Simultaneously, he is smiling, and that makes Phil curious.
“What is Winston up to?” Phil shakes his head and grins, and returns to editing the video. Suddenly, a notification pops up. “A new comment?” Phil clicks on “Take a break, love” and reads it.
“Hi! I just found your channel, and I find it really admirable that you care so much about this soul mate of yours. This video made my day so much better ^_^ - Dan”
Phil smiles. He tends to talk about Winston a lot in his videos. He replies to the comment.
"Thanks for watching my videos! And yeah, Winston means a lot to me ^_^"
AmazingPhil returns to editing. Before he goes to bed, Phil checks Winston’s reflection. His soul mate is content again, and Phil can rest easily.
It’s a been few months since Dan discovered Phil’s channel, and he’s properly introduced himself. However, Phil still hasn’t put two-and-two together and figured out that this person who is contacting him daily is his soul mate. It’s agonizing for Dan, but he’s patient with Phil.
They talk about their favorite bands, their favorite foods, and the places they’ve been. Phil describes the sky, and Dan soaks in the information. Dan depicts an image of his life, and Phil has never been more enraptured by tiny details. When Dan talks, Phil finds himself in a trance. He can't figure out why he's so interested in Dan's life, but he doesn't ponder it nearly as much as Dan.
Dan feels separated by the cosmos, and that's the last thing he wants. He stares up at the night sky and wonders if Phil is looking at the same moon. He gazes at the droplets on a cab window and finds Phil's face. He realizes that having a soul mate is exhausting, but there's a rush to the information he knows and Phil doesn't. There's a method to the chaos, Dan promises himself. There's a reason for all of this.
Dan stays up late at night to talk to Phil, and he admits that it doesn’t make him feel any better in the morning. However, when he wakes up to find the reflection of Phil, the bitterness fades away.
"How is Winston doing?" Dan asks Phil over Skype.
"He was scaring me last night--" Of course; Phil sees the reflection when Dan is having a nervous breakdown about existence. "I just... I hope he's doing okay." In that moment, Dan realizes that his mood correlates to Phil’s opinion about the days passing by. For that reason, Dan does his best to keep smiling and stay happy. Dan wants to be the kind of person that Phil is proud to have as a soul mate.
Honestly, Dan wishes it was that easy. He doesn't want to feel pressured to be happy for Phil's sake, but at the same time, he's exhausted. He's devastated by all of the overwhelming decisions that life has to offer. What is he supposed to do with the rest of his life? When is he going to find his own place and stop being so damn dependent? He hates it. He hates that he is still questioning, but as soon as Dan finds himself frowning, he smiles instead. Dan is used to bottling it up; it's fine.
The subject arises one day. Dan swallows the lump in his throat, and he types the message: "Do you want to meet up somewhere?"
He waits impatiently, his fingers tapping away at his desk. His mother keeps wondering what he’s doing with all of his time. Dan could be going to a university. Dan could be changing the world. Dan could be living with a greater meaning.
He decides that he is staying up all hours to talk to his soul mate--who still hasn’t figured it out--for the greater good. He is no longer happy for the sake of being happy, but he is smiling because he doesn’t want Phil to constantly worry.
The day comes. Dan smiles at the clouds above, looking like cotton pulled apart by little hands. His hands are cold, but he's grinning anyways. He wants to take in this scenery, this moment. He can't let a single second escape.
People bump into him at the train station, but Dan is positively floating right now. Nothing else matters but this event that needs to take place right about... Now. Dan looks over his shoulder. Where is that dork?
Suddenly, Dan can't breathe. His hand is up to his mouth, and tears peak from the corners of his eyes. There's the dork. Phil doesn't realize it at first, but then, he stares at Dan. He looks up at the glass and finds his own face.
"Y-You're... You're Winston?" Dan laughs, and Phil can't speak again. The laugh he's heard for months is his. The face Phil has stared at for years? Dan's. The comments, the million-hour conversations, the Tweets; they're all from Dan. Not Winston. Phil smiles, and it's nothing like Dan has seen before. The grin is wider than Mariana's Trench. His sparkling eyes rival the sky. It's sinking in.
The cosmos separated them, but dear lord, Dan is glad they did for a while. It has made this realization so much sweeter.
Dan holds out his hand, but Phil pulls him in for a kiss. The gesture is a bit awkward, but that thought fades away when Dan melts into Phil. Now, Dan is really crying, and so is Phil. It's okay, Dan has to remind himself. Everything will be okay. He's here. The train is passing by in the background noise, and so many people must be gawking at the two of them. For once, Dan doesn't care.
Dan breaks away from the kiss, and he can't help but burst out laughing. Phil joins in, but he doesn't know why. Dan doesn't expect him to get it, but it's been his destiny to find this man. He's just relieved, and with that, he formally introduces himself.
"Hi, I'm Dan, and I'm your soul mate," That's when Dan snaps a picture of Phil when he truly realizes it. They both grin.
Many years later, Dan has long-since become a YouTuber--Danisnotonfire. He's made it a point to include his soul mate in his videos. At first, Dan is very shy about being on camera, but over time, he develops a persona as the "Internet support group." There are some days when Dan misses seeing Phil's reflection, but he's very okay with the outcome.
Every year, Dan and Phil do something called "Philisnotonfire." Some random person may think it's just two people being dorks together, but to Dan, it's a reminder that he's found himself in someone else. The future is less scary with him.
And that picture from 2009? It's still tucked away in Dan's wallet so he will never forget.