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It had been a couple of really tiresome weeks. Between the training, the studies and his parents out of town, he has been feeling a little… overwhelmed.
This obviously, not adding to his still not quite gone guilt over losing control of Dark Shadow during the Training Camp. He thinks how many people he could have injured, of how awfully that situation could have ended, and silently, if Shouji would ever forgive him.
That day in particular, he felt the need to be alone, under the sunlight, where Dark Shadow was at its weakest, manageable as a baby chick and away to anyone he could hurt. The rooftop seemed like a particularly cliché choice, but also perfectly fitting. Nobody went to Yuuei’s rooftop: it was too high, to the point of scaring some students, it was often either too hot or too cold, and they got a great meal in the cafeteria anyway, so why to go there?
Happily, it was a perfect place for an angry and angst bird to be alone, deep in thoughts and regrets.
He looked around the corridors to finally found the staircase that would lead him to the rooftop. The comfort and peace of mind that nothing but the quiet of not having to deal with anyone else in the world that only loneliness could provide only a few staircases up.
“Tokoyami?” His voice. Again. He did not wanted to deal with that right now.
“What is it, Shouji?” He asked, not happy, but also trying to not make it sound like a “fuck off”.
“Are you okay?” The boy was a few steps away on the empty corridor, his usually unreadable eyes showing legitimate concern for a friend who does not seems okay. “I noticed you have been a little quieter lately. Is there something happening? Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” He lied, voice cold and distant.
“Are you sure? I have 8 ears, I can be a pretty good listener.” Shouji joked, turning the point of all his tentacles in ears. His eyes were suddenly serious again. “You can tell me if there’s anything wrong.”
“There isn’t anything wrong, Shouji.” Tokoyami right now just wanted to run out of shame. Looking at him right now made the worst case scenario seem so possible. What if his arms didn’t replicated? What if Dark Shadow was quicker? What if it aimed for his head? What if…? “Drop it.”
“Ok then.” The big guy’s arms dropped, beside his body, but he hadn’t gave up yet. “Do you want company to lunch then?”
“Look, Shouji…” Suddenly he snapped. The feeling of snapping was weird for him. To not be able to control his feelings was just as bad as not controlling the Dark Shadow. “I’m fine. Even if I’m not fine, it’s not your work to cheer me up. Drop it. I don’t want company. I don’t want to talk with anybody about anything. Especially with you. I just want to be left alone.”
He did not realized his chest was going up and down quickly until he was done talking. He also didn’t realized what he had said until it was too late to take back. By then, there was only regret and the hurt look on Shouji’s eyes. “Oh. I see. Sorry to bother then.” They stood there, awkward silence building up. Tokoyami wanted to either run or apologize, but he just froze. “I’ll… take my leave. See you in class.” The steps were slow and awkward, trying to not make any more noise than what was already made. It was only the big and unique form of Shouji could no longer be seem in the corridor that the bird boy could finally turn around, walk quickly to the roof and feel like shit by himself. A little worse than he felt when he was going there, to be honest.
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Class went by with him avoiding to make eye contact with Shouji. To not even look in his direction. He did not wanted to feel that guilt again.
He got what he wished, though. He spent the rest of the day in class without anyone trying to talk to him, and left with little more than a few nods to quiet classmates. He got to an empty home after a walk with nobody by his side. The rest of the day had no sound but his steps on the floor and Dark Shadow’s few caws, his phone was on silent and he was in no mood to see TV, if he wanted news, he would look on the internet.
He just wanted to feel away from the world. Away from anyone he could hurt, were Dark Shadow to get out of hand again.
He went to sleep early, with the lights on. He woke up to Dark Shadow’s caws and his alarm clock. He hoped the strange shape of his head would stop anyone from realizing the deep dark colors under his eyes. How long had it been since last time he did not woke up with those?
Yet again alone, he set off to school.
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The first few periods, were spent again in quietude, nothing but the book in his hands. He would go again to the rooftop, to be in quiet loneliness.
He went through the hallways as soon as the alarm set off, avoiding his most touchy-feely and talkative classmates and limited his interaction to nodding to silent classmates as Todoroki and Yaoyorozu, he was especially careful in avoiding Shouji’s presence in his line of sight.
The walk up the stairs was filed with the sound of his feet tapping the hard wood, which was more sound he made than most of the last week. Finally, he was there. Alone and away from the rest of the world. Up so high nobody could see or hear him. It was only him, Dark Shadow so weak and small he could only subdue to it’s master and meekly hide from the light behind him.
He walked forward on the rooftop, near the edge, looking down on the huge campus around the building and the even bigger city around it. It looked enormous, endless. He felt small, as small as the little shadow bird the hid inside him in the dark. He took in the air and let that go. And did it again, and once more, and again, and so on. Feeling his lungs getting clear.
“TOKOYAMI! DON’T JUMP!” He suddenly felt six arms around him pushin him back and throwing him in the floor. On a whim and reflex he released Dark Shadow, the huge bird went forward from his chest, mouth open and a loud threatening caw. Two strong hands held the shadow’s mouth open while other two held his arms in place.
His mind was still placing everything when he suddenly realized. Dark Shadow was attacking Shouji. Again. He sucked that darkness inside his body again, and without an opponent anymore, the masked boy fell forward, holding himself in place by putting his arms around Tokoyami’s head.
For a moment there was only heavy breathing, the surprise being put together. Looking up, Shouji was above him, Tokoyami hidden in the huge shadow the body created. Just above his mask, a blush could be seem, if it was surprise, the recent fight or the situation they were in, or even all of them, it was a mystery. He would like to know if he himself was with that blush on his cheeks too.
A hand went to his cheek and caressed the plumage there. He has a soft touch, for someone with hands so calloused and big. “Please, please don’t kill yourself. I’d miss you so… so much.” He begged in a whisper coming from an unknown arm.
“I was not going to kill myself, Shouji.” He said, slowly. “I was just catching a breath and… looking at the view.”
“Oh…” A loud breath came from above him. “Thank god.” It was interesting how that boy of 6’2’’ was so gentle and soft hearted. He let himself move and rest his head on the shoulder of the boy below him. “I heard your footsteps downstairs and I got scared, so I ran here and you were on the verge of the roof, and I thought the worst and I just… I acted on impulse and… just… thank god.”
The head in his shoulder was trembling with the adrenaline and the long breaths filled with relief were warming that area. He did not know what to do. Even with his will to be alone, he really didn’t wanted to break that connection just yet.
“I’m sorry.” Tokoyami started, after a long breath and realizing this is something he needs to deal with. This man cares for him. Through what they had done and who got hurt in the process, Shouji Mezou cared for Tokoyami Fumikage. “I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday, when you were trying to help me. And sorry for worrying you lately.”
“It’s fine. If you are dealing with some stuff, I should just understand that you needed sometime alone when you told me to drop it.” Tokoyami moved his own hand to the back of Shouji’s head. His hair was rougher than what it looked like, there was likely a small amount of gel there.
“No, you don’t get it.” He accidentally clutched a small amount of hair in his hand and closed his eyes a little. “I’m sorry about… about Dark Shadow, about what happened to you. I was so scared of what could have happened. I didn’t knew how I could apologize enough, so I decided to just… distant myself to you…”
“Hey. Nothing happened to me. I’m fine.” Shouji pushed himself up and looked down into the red eyes of the boy below him. “You lost an arm. An arm, Shouji, most people wouldn’t take it so lightly.”
“It was a fake arm, that I can regenerate. I already have a new one and I still have other 5 besides the ones I can create.” Shouji reassured him, making sure to touch the other’s cheek with the arm he was so worried about. “But what if…”
“No.” Shouji cut down, quickly. “No ‘what if’s. A lot of things could have happened, but none of them did. And what happened at that moment had nothing to do with you. You fought against a maddened entity of pure evil and darkness…” A loud caw was heard, and they looked down to chuckle at the little angry dark bird coming out of Tokoyami’s chest. “Ok, sorry. But still, you were fighting to protect everybody, including me. I can never hold that against you.”
“Still… sorry. About everything.” He said, one last time, before he met eyes filled with nothing but warm affection for him.
There was silence again. This time it was not awkward or uncomfortable to either. It was nice. To be in the shadow again, to not be alone, even if he was in the silence and to feel warm against someone.
“Hey. I know we… we know each other not too long ago and we were not really close, but… I’d like to be. I’d like to be closer to you, Tokoyami.” Something moved underneath the mask, likely biting his lips. “So, would you like… a hug?”
“Hug?” Tokoyami frowned, but with a smile on his beak.
“Yeah. Hug.” Shouji seemed to smile bellow the mask. “I’ve been told I give the best hugs.” There was a low chuckle coming from both of them. “Mostly from my parents, but… I have three times the normal amount of arms, so, three times a normal hug.”
Tokoyami laughed, and moved his face forward, almost touching his beak with the other’s face. “Ok, a hug sounds good.” He then let his head feel back on the floor, looking up to the other. “Help me up.”
Shouji then realized: he was pining the poor boy on the ground. He pushed himself up while apologizing continuously. Again, on the corners of his masks, Tokoyami noticed the reddening hue and simply smiled while holding his hands and being pulled up. “So.” He started, while fixing the wrinkles in his clothes. “Hug?”. Shouji moved forward, quickly, his chest was right in front of the other’s beak. “Hug.” He reassured.
Shouji bended his knees so that their face would be at a similar lever and involved the torso of the small body before him with 6 arms, forming a warm blanket around him, and pushing their chests together. Tokoyami felt enveloped in a warm and cozy feeling. He could feel the accelerated heartbeat of the other, and was pretty sure he could also feel his own heartbeat accelerating in unison. He was then lifted, by the 6 strong arms, but it did not made him felt vulnerable, it made him feel safe. Only then he was able to realize that his arms had enveloped the other’s neck, pulling their bodies even closer.
How much time had passed was not a worry in either’s minds. Tokoyami was just happy, he was not alone, not guilty. The boy whose judgment he feared so much was hugging him and holding him close in a hug that made him feel comfortable in a way he never felt around other people. He felt some hands stretch to caress what they could touch, waist, shoulder and so on. This was good, definitely.
Finally, he felt himself lowered until his feet touched the ground, but neither loosened the arms around each other. Ultimately, it took again some time before they were apart again. The cold breeze touched Tokoyami and he again missed the arms around him. “So?” Shouji asked. Tokoyami did not dared to lift his head, looking into the other’s chest.
“Yeah.” Tokoyami smiled. “Best hugs.” He moved forward touching his face on his chest, comfortable with the warmth. “Thanks.”