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“Shh, baby, you’re okay. I’m right here.” Vi’s voice is a low hum, murmured into the ear of the woman she’s holding in her lap.
She can still feel Caitlyn shaking in her arms, her panic obvious. Vi peppers the back of her neck with kisses, tightening her arms around her wife.
“Talk to me, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” Vi says gently, reaching a hand up to feel Caitlyn’s forehead. Her skin is still too warm and slightly damp, which makes Vi’s heart clench with worry.
“Don’t wanna throw up,” Caitlyn mutters through tightly clenched teeth. She’s refused to say more than a few words for hours now, too afraid of accidentally triggering a round of vomiting. It breaks Vi’s heart to Caitlyn so shaken up like this, terrified by the one thing in life that she truly fears more than anything.
Vi can hear Caitlyn’s stomach make a threatening sort of gurgle and Caitlyn whimpers in response, curling up tighter into her arms. Vi sighs, kissing her wife’s warm forehead, wishing she could take this pain from her.
“How about we go sit in the bathroom, baby?” Vi suggests gently, stroking some of Caitlyn’s navy hair off her forehead and then kissing her tenderly. “Just in case, hm?”
Caitlyn nods silently against her chest, clinging to Vi tightly. Vi sweeps an arm under Caitlyn’s legs and one behind her back, easily lifting her out of bed. She murmurs soft reassurances to Caitlyn as she carefully carries her into the ensuite, settling onto the floor next to the toilet with her wife in her lap.
Caitlyn buries her face in Vi’s neck, and Vi can feel her skin dampening with tears. “I hate this,” Caitlyn chokes out, sounding so unusually fragile. Vi tightens her arms around her, holding her close, her heart aching.
“I know, sweetheart, I know,” Vi soothes, rubbing slow circles on Caitlyn’s back. “I’m sorry, baby.”
Then suddenly Caitlyn stiffens, going still in her arms, and Vi doesn’t need any further explanation of what’s about to happen.
She quickly shifts them so that Caitlyn can kneel in front of the toilet, and sweeps her hair out of her face with one hand while continuing to rub her back with the other. “Shh, you’re okay honey, just let it happen, okay?” Vi murmurs, as Caitlyn leans further over the toilet. “I know it’s awful. It’ll be over soon sweetheart. I’m right here.” She keeps her voice low and steady, trying to anchor her wife as she goes through the thing she hates the most.
The vomiting is thankfully short. It takes a couple rounds for Caitlyn to get everything up, but it isn’t long before she finishes and Vi flushes the toilet and pulls her back into her arms.
“Good job, baby, you did so good,” Vi soothes, rocking Caitlyn gently, who’s sobbing against her chest. “I’m so proud of you, sweet girl. It’s all done now, you got it out, okay?”
“I’m s-sorry,” Caitlyn stutters, looking up at Vi with puffy-red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Vi’s chest nearly cracks in two.
She doesn’t know if Caitlyn’s apologizing for the vomiting or the crying, or both, but it doesn’t matter. She soothes her with a soft hum, reaching out to get some toilet paper and folding it carefully before cleaning up Caitlyn’s wet cheeks for her, then wiping her mouth and her nose. She leans in, pressing her lips to Caitlyn’s forehead, then each of her eyelids, her cheeks, and the tip of her nose, love imbued in every kiss.
“You have nothing to apologize for, baby,” Vi murmurs, tugging Caitlyn back into her to rest against her chest. She tucks her chin protectively over the top of Caitlyn’s head, stroking a hand through her messy hair. “You’re doing so good. I love you so, so much, sweetheart.”
Caitlyn clings to her, body still shaking with sobs and the aftershocks of her panic attack. Vi holds her through it, never wavering for a moment. She has her everything in her arms.
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