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They had been living in the tower for a month and everyone had started to settle in. The team was getting on better now, interactions would still often devolve into arguments, but the insults had lost their edge and now were slightly more friendly than hurtful.
This had mostly been spurred on by Alexei’s declaration that to become a better team they had to spend more time together. Apparently he got sick of them all hiding in their rooms not talking to each other, so they organised weekly film nights and ate dinner together at least a few times a week.
John had become the go-to chef after Alexei almost burned the kitchen down and the rest refused to try once they found out that John was a good cook. This meant it was up to the rest of the Thunderbolts to do the clearing up, although that job usually fell to Bob, who decided it was the least he could do after they let him live there despite not being able to help on missions due to their fear that the void return.
Despite getting used to being around the team in the past month, Bob wouldn’t exactly say that he felt comfortable in the tower. It felt like far too nice a place for him to be allowed there. It seemed like Val had spared no expense when redoing the building, there was almost anything Bob could think of that could fit inside a building.
Once he had recovered from the void, Bob had spent the first few days exploring the tower. He had found a cinema, three kitchens, two living rooms, a pool, at least two training rooms, a large lab, which he exited very quickly, not wanting to relive any of his memories from last time he was in a lab, many offices, and more bedrooms than he could count. And Bob was sure he hadn’t explored even half the tower.
But it wasn’t just the building itself that made him uneasy, it was being around the team. He still didn’t know why he was there, why they didn’t hate him for what he did. Yelena had reassured him many times that is wasn’t his fault and that no one blamed him for it, but Bob swore he would sometimes catch John glaring at him when she said that.
Yelena was always nice to him, so was Ava, despite how much they would make fun of John, especially Ava, they never turned it on Bob, which he was grateful for.
Alexei was nice enough, but he was always a bit overenthusiastic, and he would often shout without warning, making Bob jump.
Bucky seemed perpetually grumpy about something, and never looked like he particularly wanted to be there, but it never seemed directed Bob, at least not entirely, so it wasn’t too bad, Bob mostly stayed out of his way, it wasn’t like either of them were great conversationalists anyway.
The main problem was John. The time he didn’t spend training or in his room, he was arguing with Ava and Yelena about something stupid, and, although they often started it, he would get so wound up by the end that he would shout at them or have to go back to the training room to beat up a punching bag, or occasionally he would punch a piece of furniture. One memorable time at dinner. They had got into a heated debate which ended abruptly when John swept his plate off the table and stormed to his room.
Bob hadn’t been able to calm his racing heart and shaking breath as Bucky cleaned the shards off the floor.
He had come back ten minutes later and apologised to everyone, but Bob couldn’t stop himself from flinching whenever John got too near him for a week.
The other problem with John is that he would often snap at people when frustrated. Unfortunately Bob always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and was often the target of John’s frustration. It had gotten to the point where Bob would tense in preparation whenever John entered the room, even when he didn’t seem annoyed just in case. He also had a habit of calling Bob Bobby, which luckily no one else had picked up.
Bob didn’t think he liked living at the tower very much, or maybe he just didn’t like the team. Bob didn’t know what John did after he was Captain America and before he got trapped in the vault but he guessed it didn’t involve much teamwork, or speaking to other people.
No one else seemed that bothered by John, Ava and Yelena would make fun of him, Bucky would just sigh and roll his eyes, and Alexei didn’t seem bothered at all, Bob was pretty sure he knew when John was being rude, but just pretended he didn’t. Although he would give Bob sad looks when he saw him flinching.
Bob didn’t think he would be all that bothered by it either, if it didn’t so strongly remind him of his dad. Obviously John was nowhere near as bad as his dad, for one he had never hit any of them, and his words weren’t nearly as harsh, but the feeling still remained. So Bob did his best to avoid him and stayed as far away from him as possible when they had to be in the same room.
Bob thought he was doing a pretty good job of hiding his discomfort around John, that was until one evening as he was washing the dishes after dinner.
Bob was humming to himself as he cleaned a plate, Yelena was sat at the island on her phone, both enjoying the peace after a long day. He heard someone come into the kitchen as he rinsed it under the tap. It was John, which made him tense slightly, as he found out when Yelena started teasing him for his outfit, obviously he was headed to do some training.
They went back and forth for a while about whether it was reasonable to go training again, after the amount of time the team had spent there earlier in the day. Bob began to relax as the playful teasing continued, it was clear there was no heat in the argument. He was moving a glass to the draining board as he heard his name called.
“Bob! Tell Yelena she’s wrong, there’s nothing wrong with training twice in a day!” John whined clearly fed up of going back and forth with Yelena.
Unfortunately, Bob was not expecting to be called upon and he jumped, losing his grip on the glass. It seemed to fall in slow motion as Bob reached out a hand to catch it, only for it to hit the floor before he could reach it.
The crash sent him flinching back into the cupboard behind him. Bob felt his breath pick up as he stared at the wet shards on the floor.
“Bob! Be careful!” John’s angry voice cut through his spiralling thoughts. Bob dropped to his knees and started grabbing shards from the floor, desperate to clean it up as quickly as possible. His heart racing and breath stuttering as he gathered pieces, dropping them in his panic. It was lucky he was invulnerable because that was the only reason he wasn’t getting cut by the shards.
A firm hand on his shoulder sent him flinching hard into the cupboard door away from the man who was sure to hurt him. He felt heavy footsteps approaching. His breath caught in his throat as he pulled his hands up to protect his head and choked out quiet pleas.
“Dad please, I’m sorry, I’m- I’m so-sorry, pl-please Dad! I’m sorry!” He sobbed, knees pulled to his chest, which was heaving with the effort of breathing. He could hear someone talking but couldn’t understand it. That made him panic more, if he didn’t listen to what his dad said the consequences would be worse. He tried desperately to slow his breathing enough to hear.
Bob heard a crunch as someone stepped towards him, crushing glass shards under their shoe.
“Bobby, can you hear me?” His dad asked gruffly.
“Dad, it was an accident. I’m sorry, please. Pl-please don’t. I’m sorry I’m sorry.” He whimpered trying to curl tighter into himself, he had learned early that it was the best way to protect his head and chest. His chest burned as he desperately tired to force oxygen in, but his lungs weren’t cooperating.
“Bob?” The voice was softer this time, “I’m sorry, Bob.”
That didn’t sound like his dad, was this a trick?
“Can you try to breath with me? Please, Bob.” The voice sounded slightly panicked now.
“I’m sorry, dad.” He panted, trying to do what the man wanted.
“I’m not your dad, Bob. It’s me, John. I’m sorry, but you’ve gotta breathe.”
The voice was right, it didn’t sound like his dad. It was John. His breathing slowed a bit.
“Yeah, that’s it Bob. It’s okay, you’re in the kitchen with me and Yelena. You’re going to be okay, you’ve just got to breath. Like this.” John began to take slow deliberate breaths, close enough that Bob could hear them. He tried his best to copy.
Eventually, his breathing had slowed enough for Bob to open his eyes. He looked up to see John sat on the floor in front of him, Yelena standing a few feet back.
“Hi,” John seemed to breath a sigh of relief, “You back?” he asked gently.
Bob nodded slowly, still slightly out of it.
“Can I touch you?” John asked in the same gentle voice.
Bob paused before nodding again. A few seconds later he found himself being pulled in John’s arms as a hand rubbed across his back. He tensed for a few seconds, before exhaustion got the best of him and he collapsed into John’s lap. John just pulled him tighter, whispering that it was okay, he was okay.
Bob wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, he might have fallen asleep because the next time he looked up John had moved to sit with his back against the counter, still holding Bob in his lap. Yelena was sitting opposite them and gave Bob a small wave when she noticed him looking. Bob shifted, unsure what had happened or how he ended up there.
“Hi Bob.” Yelena said softly, causing John to sit up straighter.
“He back?” He whispered. Yelena nodded in response.
Bob had the feeling they were talking about him, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t gone anywhere, so he wasn’t sure what they were talking about. He lifted his head to look better.
“Hey Bob, how are you feeling?” John asked, rubbing his back again.
“I’m fine,” he murmured, “tired. What happened?”
His head dropped back onto John’s shoulder.
“You dropped a glass, then had a panic attack.” Bob felt the chest rumbling beneath him as John answered.
The memory hit him all at once. Bob cringed in embarrassment. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled into John’s shoulder, knowing John was probably annoyed and he should get up, but not quite ready to give up the comfort yet.
“No, it’s not your fault,” He was quick to reassure Bob, “It was mine, I made you jump. I’m sorry.” He sighed before speaking again, “I’m really sorry Bob, I realised-“
He was interrupted by the pointed cough.
John sighed before trying again, “Yelena helped me realise what an ass I’ve been to you and I’m sorry.”
Bob paused, that was not where he had expected this to go.
“It’s okay, I’ll forgive you if you let me stay here for a bit longer.” Bob replied without thinking, before tensing, the sleep evaporating from his brain. He waited for some sort of mocking comment or harsh retort.
Instead he was met with a light chuckle, “You can stay here for as long as you want.” John responded running a hand through soothingly through Bob’s hair.
“Okay, good.” Bob mumbled, before pressing his face further into John’s shoulder and falling asleep again to the sound of Yelena’s quiet laughter.
When he woke up again he was lying down, but could still feel the soft rise and fall of John’s chest under his head. Bob opened his eyes and looked up at John who put his phone down once he noticed Bob was awake.
“Sorry, I had to move, the kitchen floor wasn’t the most comfortable place to sit.” John explained.
Bob was still half asleep as he tried to get up, “Gotta clean up the glass.” He murmured in explanation before he was pulled back down by John.
“It’s fine, Yelena already cleaned it up and finished washing the dishes.”
“But that’s my job.” Bob whined as he half-heartedly tried to get up again.
“You always do it, let someone else do it for once, you don’t have to do everything yourself.” John said gently as he began running his hand through Bob’s hair again.
“Hmm… okay.” Bob mumbled, too comfy to try very hard.
After a few minutes of peaceful silence, John spoke again, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“Not really.” Bob responded, despite knowing he wouldn’t get out of the conversation that easily.
“I think we should, that was a pretty bad panic attack. You thought I was your dad.” John replied, more insistent this time.
“It’s fine, my dad would beat the shit out of me if I broke something, but it’s fine now, he’s not here anymore.” Bob looked up at him, eyes firmly showing he didn’t want to talk about it.
“I’m sorry I remind you of your dad.” John responded sadly, “I would never hurt you, I hope you know that.”
Bob only nodded, a silent end to the conversation.
“Can I go back to sleep now?” He asked, already closing his eyes.
John’s chest vibrated as he chuckled, “Okay.”
Over the next few weeks, Bob noticed how much John had changed. He seemed to be trying to control his anger a lot more, despite what Ava and Yelena did to wind him up. He never snapped at Bob anymore, he rarely snapped at anyone. And he never called Bob Bobby anymore. Sometimes he’d ruffle Bob’s hair as he walked by, or rest a hand on his shoulder during meals; small, grounding touches that told them both: we're okay now.
The others seemed to have noticed the change as well, Ava and Yelena were less harsh in their teasing, Bucky looked less fed up with everyone, especially John. Bob had stopped flinching around John, so Alexei stopped giving him the sad looks.
Bob smiled as he sat in his chair by the window, book in hand, listening to John and Ava bicker in the kitchen. Yelena gave him a questioning look from the sofa opposite, their silent way to ask ‘Are you okay?’
Bob nodded and she smiled back.
For the first time he was not only comfortable in the tower, he was happy. He was home.