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Saturday...March 24, 1984.
Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois.
60062
It was 6:12 am and Heda was late for detention.
Clarke fiddled with her watch nervously while she watched Mr. Wallace grow more and more irritated with every passing minute. This was bad for everyone. He had a marked tendency to dole out punishment to entire classes for the misbehavior of one student, and it got worse the angrier he got.
Leaning back in her seat Clarke tried to take her mind off of the fight that would surely ensue when the missing student finally bothered to show up. Luckily, the other kids made fairly decent distractions.
One was the school’s pet genius, whose name was... something Green? He had longer dark hair which was slicked back out of his eyes, and was dressed in a button up and slacks. It was a clean, professional look that Clarke could admire, but it was obvious from the way the shirt was faded and the torn up soles of his shoes that it was overcompensation for a poor lifestyle.
He wasn’t exactly what Clarke had been expecting to find in delinquents detention. Then again, she could hardly believe that she was here herself.
Raven Reyes, one of the school’s many, many jocks was a bit more believable when you took into consideration that she was friends with the likes of John Murphy, who was one misstep away from being a burnout. The girl was trying not to nod off in her seat, and kept shaking her head groggily. It was probably a side effect of a loaded track schedule.
The last student was sort of a freak. A basketcase. Another societal reject in frumpy black clothes with a mean streak, if the way she was glaring menacingly at nothing while picking the paint off her desk said anything about her character. Which it probably did.
The sound of the library door being banged on brought Clarke’s attention back to the front of the room. A muffled female voice came from the other side, much to Mr. Wallace's obvious annoyance.
“Come in,” The teacher yelled over the person who had yet to stop hammering away.
There was a pause in the ruckus where Clarke heard the girl yell back, “I can’t. The doors are locked.”
“They are not. Quit stalling Heda and get in here.”
“I really can’t Cage, you need to open them from the inside.” The ungodly noise started up again and Clarke found herself ready to kill that stupid girl. It was six am for fucks sake.
Mr. Wallace seemed to be having similar thoughts, but instead of just ignoring her, he slowly got up and walked to the front of the room. Right when he was directly behind the doors, they suddenly sprung open, sending him reeling backwards, and Heda was revealed. She had a crazy grin on her lips that she schooled into a blank slate when Mr. Wallace turned towards her.
“Nevermind, I got it.”
“If you are quite finished with your little prank-”
“They really were stuck.”
Mr. Wallace steamrolled past her shoddy attempt at defending her actions, and continued his lecture. “You can take your seat, as well as meet me here next saturday for another detention as you are both grossly late, and dressed unsuitably for a school environment.” He turned away and walked briskly back toward Clarke and the others.
Heda was dressed like a burnout. Nothing out of the ordinary. Jean jacket over flannel, with too long pants and leather boots. It was the same sort of thing she wore to school everyday, and Mr. Wallace was clearly just searching for a way to knock her down a peg.
Unfortunately it didn’t seem to work as Heda just flipped him off and proceeded to take her sweet time getting to her seat. Unfortunately said seat was directly behind Clarke. She could smell smoke off the girl. Notely not cigarette smoke.
“Now that everyone is here, I will lay out some ground rules. There will be no disruptions of any kind.” Mr. Wallace glared at Heda who ignored him in favor of scraping some mud off the heel of her boot. “There will be no sleeping.” He switched to Raven who had the decency to look at least a little guilty. “There will also be no talking. And finally, there will be no leaving early. The principal told me that you had some event at noon today Griffin, I’m sorry to inform you that you will not be given any special privileges.” Cage didn’t look sorry at all. “You will serve your time like every other student here. So if you feel the urge to do whatever it was that you did to get in here again, you should remember this moment.”
Clarke blushed angrily, but said nothing. She slid down slightly in her seat and adjusted her hair so that her ears, which were no doubt bright red, were no longer on display.
“As punishment, you will all be expected to write a thousand word essay on who you think you are. Hopefully this will lend you some perspective.” Mr. Wallace walked around and handed out paper and pencils. “Now that it is 6:23, you all have eight hours of detention to serve starting—now. I will be in my office so any funny business is ill advised. Any questions.” Heda raised her hand, but he ignored her. “None, good.” With that he left the library closing the door after himself.
For a few minutes, everything was quiet.
Then the sound of scratching came from the back of the room. Clarke joined everyone else and turned around to see what it was.
The strange girl had a paperclip and seemed intent on mutilating the desk’s paint job beyond repair. Clarke could see massive strips of off-white coming peeling off the desk with each irritating pass of the clip.
“Hey, don’t I know you.” Heda was squinting at the girl. She didn’t look up. “What’s your name again?”
The girl lifted up her head suddenly and stared right at the burnout. “Octavia.”
“Nice.” Heda gave Octavia a crooked grin and Clarke felt her face grow hot again.
The Green boy swallowed audibly then spoke for the first time. “Um, Mr. Wallace said we shouldn’t talk. Which is really lame and everything, but we should probably do what he says.”
Heda’s smile disappeared. “I’m trying to have a conversation with an old acquaintance, so if you don’t mind, would you shut the hell up.”
“Don’t talk to him like that.” Raven said spinning around in her seat.
“Look who's a big fucking hero, the defender of the downtrodden. I bet you care so much about your good friend Mr… what’s your name?”
“Monty Green.”
“Mr. Green here.”
Raven seemed to swell with anger. “Who are you to do whatever you want in here. Just because you’re in this place every day doesn’t let you shit all over everyone. Also Monty's right you're not allowed to talk.”
“How about we ask princess over here what she thinks.” The delinquent replied gesturing at Clarke who felt herself grow irritated. “Should a rule still be binding if it is made by a sadistic asshole on a power trip.”
“If it’s used to shut up dickbags like you, I’d say it's perfect.” Heda scowled at her until Clarke was forced to look away.
The room went back to its awkward silence once more.
Which was interrupted yet again by Heda. She was humming some song while tapping on the wood of her desk.
Clarke whirled around. “I thought you were going to shut up.”
“Yeah, that's not going to happen. We’re stuck in here for eight hours remember. We might as well have some fun while we’re at it.”
“Whatever, just don’t talk to me.”
Heda leaned back in her seat and fixed Clarke with a long stare, then she smiled. “Oh sweetheart, you couldn’t ignore me if you tried.”
“She told you to leave her alone,” Raven growled.
Clarke felt immensely grateful toward the girl for defending her. They had only spoken a few times at parties, not nearly enough to be considered friends.
“Oh touchy. So are you guys, like, together?” Heda said with that same crazy grin she had when she pranked Mr. Wallace.
“Shove off.” Raven replied hotly turning away from the burnout again.
“Come on, level with me.” Heda leaned in close to Raven as if she was whispering a secret. “How many fingers does she take.”
Clarke’s mouth dropped open. How fucking dare she—
“I said shove off!” Raven was out of her seat and standing over the delinquent in one quick step, fast than Clarke would have thought possible.
Even Heda seemed a little surprised, but she quickly shook it off and stood up as well. “Who's gonna make me jagoff.” She had a couple inches on Raven, but Clarke knew for a fact that Raven worked out regularly.
“Me.” Raven stepped even closer toward the girl, right into her personal space.
“Really. You and how many of your dumbass friends.”
“No one else. Just me and you.”
Heda smirked and shoved Raven backwards halfheartedly. In response Raven sprung forward and socked her in the gut. The delinquent doubled over out of breath, and Raven drove an elbow into the back of her neck, knocking her to the ground.
Monty jumped forward as if to intervene, but Clarke grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him back. “You do not want to get caught up in this.” He looked lost and concerned, but he still nodded and stepped back.
The girl coughed once, and stood up again. “Bad move.”
“Maybe it just looked that way from the floor, because in my opinion, it was perfectly executed.” Raven quipped back, arms raised to block any returning blows.
“I can’t do this with you.” Heda said rubbing her neck.
“Why not.”
The taller girl began to back away, toward other side of the room where Octavia was sitting. “Because, I’ll kill you.” She shrugged.
“Yeah right, you’re a goddamn bean pole. How are you going to do anything to me.”
Heda’s features rearranged themself into something so cold and hard that it made Clarke uncomfortable to look. She reached into her pocket and drew out a stiletto knife which she flicked open and stabbed into the desk next to Octavia.
Raven grew pale.
“That's why Sporto.”
Clarke saw Octavia reach over and grab the knife, but didn’t say anything.
A tinny voice came from somewhere outside the main doors. “Hey what’s all the commotion in there.”
Everyone rushed back to their spots just as Mr. Wallace walked in. He looked around suspiciously and then fixated on Heda. “What are you doing.”
“I’m not doing anything, we’re not allowed to move remember.”
“Bullshit, I can’t tell you’re lying Heda. Why don’t you save yourself a detention for once and tell me what you’re up too.”
“Nothing, sir.” Heda said meeting his eyes.
“Fine, you pushed me too it. That's another saturday on your schedule filled.” Mr. Wallace smiled down at her strangely, his top lip no doubt making the act ten times creepier. “Don’t mess with the mountain young lady, you’ll be crushed.” With that he leaned into Heda's space, staring her down. The air felt heavy and strange. Finally Heda turned away. Taking her surrender, Cage left the room im a swagger.
Clarke let out a sigh of relief and then turned around towards Heda. “Why did you have a knife in your pocket.”
“Maybe I was just happy to see you, ever think of that?”
“Gross. Answer the question.”
The girl gave her a look. “I think you know why.”
“It’s a part of her image, that’s all”
“Now Reyes, what image would that be. Go ahead, this should be real enlightening.”
“The whole hardass bullshit you have going on. It’s complete crap. You’re too scared to be a part of this school so you knock it all and pretend it’s your idea to be such a fucking loser.”
“At least I’m not a moron who gets walked all over. I know why you’re in here, don’t forget.”
Raven bristled, but didn’t take it any further.
Heda shrugged and wandered over to one of the nearby bookshelves, no doubt looking for something to amuse herself with. And by amuse Clarke meant destroy.
Clarke caught herself staring and looked away quickly. In an effort to distract herself she turned towards Raven and tried to strike up a conversation, which quickly turned to talking about parties.
“So are you grounded this weekend? Monroe's throwing a rager.” Raven asked.
Clarke rubbed her temples and let out a deep breath. “Technically, yes. But it’s my mom who grounded me and my dad told me to just ignore her and do what I want.”
Raven cocked an eyebrow.
“It this massive thing that's been going on between them since the divorce. One will tell me to do something and the other will ‘override’ it just to aggravate the other.”
“So what do you do?” Heda asked from the railing she was leaning on, book in hand.
“What do you mean?”
Heda swept her hair out of her face slowly and Clarke felt her attention follow that hand on its journey through braids and long locks.
“Who do you listen to.”
Clarke pulled her attention back to the question quickly, feeling as if she had been caught doing something improper. “Oh, uh, probably my dad. My mom isn’t around enough to enforce anything anyways.” Heda nodded as if she could understand and Clarke felt encouraged. “It’s like they don’t even care about me in the end. I’m just another tool that they can use to get back at each other with.”
“Come on Clarke, quit feeling sorry for yourself.” Raven said gesturing at Clarke’s outfit. Clarke suddenly felt very aware of the fact that she was the only one in the room wearing name brand clothes.
“Don’t tell me you get along with your folks, Sporto.” Heda snapped back.
“That’s none of your business. I just don’t think people who clearly have it better off than others should be complaining.”
Monty chose that moment to butt in. “That’s not fair Reyes. I probably don’t look it, but I don’t always get along with my parents. They’re idea of parental compassion is just…” He made ‘mind blown’ gesture with his hands, complete with sound effects.
Heda scoffed. “Come on Green, don’t try and sell us that bullshit. What would you be doing with yourself if you weren’t out there in the world trying to earn as many brownie points as you can.”
Monty blushed bright red and went quiet.
“Here I’ll do an impression of the Green household.” Heda stood up on a desk and began to act out a scene that was an obvious rip off of the Brady Bunch.
“Oh yeah, what’s it like at your place then.” Raven spat.
Heda laughed once, then mimed being knocked around by her father.
Monty looked nervous. “Is that, you know, for real.”
Raven looked sceptical. “It’s bullshit, she’s just trying to get us to feel sorry for her.”
“You don’t believe me do you.” Heda made a face Clarke had never seen her wear before. Sort of pained and angry at the same time. “Get over here then Sporto.” Raven walked over to her carefully. Heda pulled up her sleeve to reveal an ugly burn. “It’s the size of a cigar right. That’s what you get at the Heda household for coming home with a girl.” With that she stormed off towards the back of the library. Clarke watched her climb up the side of a staircase leading to the upper level until she disappeared from sight.
She elbowed Raven. “Why’d you say that!”
“I didn’t—I didn't think she was serious.”
∞
Eventually Heda came back after she had calmed down a bit, much to Clarke’s relief. Her eyes weren’t red, so she hadn’t cried, but she had been upset. More genuinely upset than Clarke had ever seen her.
“Hey, buckwheat. What’s your name.”
Clarke was pulled out of her thoughts by subject of her musings. “Are you talking to me?
“Yeah, who else.”
“It’s Clarke.”
“Isn’t that a boy’s name?”
Clarke’s ears went red. “It’s a family name. What’s your’s.”
“Lexa.”
Monty, who had been listening in decided put in his two cents. “Is that short for anything?”
“No.”
“Oh.” He said, faltering slightly.
Lexa, nodded at him. “We should go back to our seats soon, it’s almost eleven. Cage will come in here to tell us it's time for lunch.”
“Ah, thanks.” Monty just seemed relieved that she wasn't about to mock him again.
Everyone went back to their seats to wait.
When Mr. Wallace walked in all the kids were staring forwards hands folded over their desks. The picture of innocence.
“Alright, it’s lunch time. If you brought something to eat you can have it now.”
“Sir, will there be something to drink provided for us?” Raven asked.
At Mr. Wallace’s confused expression, Lexa began to stand up, volunteering to get drinks. Unfortunately for her, Mr. Wallace caught on quickly and sent her back to seat immediately. Instead Raven and Octavia of all people were chosen to be the gofers.
As she waited for them to come back, Clarke found herself at a loss for things to entertain herself with. Monty on the other hand seemed perfectly capable of keeping himself busy with how much fun he was having with just a pen. Lexa seemed just as bored as she was though, and Clarke played with the idea of talking to her, but decided against it.
Instead she just watched Lexa play with her lighter until she felt herself nodding off.
How long does it take to get some drinks?
Twenty minutes apparently.
When Raven and Octavia finally got back, they were so quiet that Clarke wondered if something had happened between them. She decided to ignore it in favor of eating her sushi and washing it down with ice cold coke.
“The fuck is that, Clarke.”
“It’s sushi. You know, raw fish.”
“That is disgusting. You fucking richies are so weird. I’d much rather eat what my good friend Monty’s got over here.” She turned toward the boy expectantly. “So what are we having.”
“Oh, um. PB&J with soup. With some carrot sticks.”
“Nice, I’ll take half of everything.” Lexa gave him one of her looks that said, ‘Do as I say and ask no questions.
Monty complied.
Lexa began eating quickly; almost as quickly as Raven who was putting away food at such an alarming rate that Clarke was a little bit worried that she would make herself sick, but at least what she was eating was nutritious. Unlike Octavia who was having some sort of shitty, sugary, cereal sandwich that crunched noisily every time she took a bite.
Overall, it was one of the strangest lunches Clarke had ever had, what happened afterwards topped in every way.
As soon as she finished eating Lexa decided it was a good idea to bring everyone on an adventure to her locker. They snuck out of the library through one of the side doors, and made their way down the empty halls.
Lexa’s locker stuck out like a sore thumb, vandalized with the words: OPEN THIS AND YOU DIE, written in sharpie down the door with a noose hanging on it like some sort of sick decoration.
The inside was unsurprisingly a disaster. Lexa rooted through the mess to pull of bag of something green and pungent smelling.
Monty’s jaw dropped. “Drugs.”
“Hey, you put out that back right now!” Raven shouted at Lexa’s receding back.
“How about no.” She answered not even turning around.
Monty looked hopelessly at Octavia who was busy pocketing Lexa’s lock. “Did you see that, the kid has marijuana.” Clarke felt her heart race as she watched the delinquent’s back recede down the hall. With anxiety or excitement, it was hard to tell. After a second she decided it didn’t matter and followed after her.
When they were halfway back to the library, Mr. Wallace walked out of one of the doors lining the halls. Fortunately he facing away from them and the kids could double back to the locker bay without being seen.
Raven was not pleased. “If we get caught and I have to miss a track meet, just know I’ll be holding you responsible Heda.”
Lexa didn’t seem impressed by the girl's words, as she just rolled her eyes and beckoned them down the opposite end of the hall and towards the rec room. Everyone went with her, even Raven after a couple tense seconds.
They dodged through the school, barely avoiding Mr. Wallace at each turn. It seemed like he was around every corner, waiting to catch them. Finally the group came to a both literal and proverbial split in the road. One way was the cafeteria, the other the activities hall.
Raven wanted to take the latter, while Lexa was adamant that the cafeteria was the only way they could make it back. As Lexa had been the one to get all of them into this mess in the first place, her vote was overruled. Surprisingly, she seemed willing to go along with it, barring the fact she was completely stoic.
They continued to make their way through the school, until the reached the activities hall which was… walled off.
“I told you we needed to take the cafeteria Sporto.” Lexa shot at Raven.
Raven scowled. “Fine, you were right.”
Monty, who was growing increasingly anxious, joined the conversation to voice his concern. “Fellas, I can hear Mr. Wallace! He’s getting closer.” His hair was no longer slicked back, but frazzled and in his face. “Oh man, we’re gonna be caught.”
Lexa sighed heavily. “No, just me.” She grabbed her bag of weed and shoved it into Monty’s pants. With that she took off running towards Mr. Wallace singing at the top of her lungs.
“What the hell! What is she thinking.” Clarke exclaimed.
Octavia suddenly chose then to become verbal. “No time for that now, we have to get back to the library before Mr. Wallace does.”
Clarke stopped in confusion. “You talk?”
Raven huffed indignantly. “Of course she talks, now let's go.”
By the time Lexa made it back to detention, accompanied by Mr. Wallace, the others had been sitting for only a couple minutes. It was far too close for comfort.
“Get your stuff.” Mr. Wallace said shoving Lexa forwards towards her chair. “This smart ass decided to take a trip to the gymnasium. So I’m sorry to inform you, but you will no longer have the pleasure of her company.”
“Oh boo fucking hoo.”
“Watch your language Heda, this is a serious matter. Not everything in life is one big joke set up to amuse you. ”
“Really cause from looking at you I wouldn’t be able to tell.” Raven laughed at that, but quickly choked it out. Mr. Wallace turned an ugly shade of purple and whirled around at the noise.
“You think she’s funny don’t you. Well I want you to take a real close look at the person standing in front of you. She’s goddamn a waste of space. I want you to picture Lexa Heda five years from now and tell me how funny she'll be then.” He slammed his fist on a desk. Lexa was completely still. Eyes wide. Lips slightly parted in shock.
“What are you going to do, cry? Get moving Heda.” He grabbed her by her arm and began to pulled her out of the room. Lexa struggled, throwing his hands off her with a growl. Clarke looked on in horror. She knew that Lexa was trouble, but surely nothing she had done warranted this sort of treatment. Clarke turned to Raven who looked concerned as well.
But there was nothing they could do.
“Is Lexa going to be okay?” Monty asked quietly. The poor boy looked like he was about to cry. Clarke swallowed thickly and didn’t respond. She wasn’t sure.
“He seemed sort of unhinged.” Raven said nervously. “Reminded me of my mother.”
Clarke turned to Raven in confusion. “What?” The girl didn’t repeat herself, but she didn’t need to. They sat there dumbly, listening to the ticking of the clock.
At exactly 1:14, ten minutes later, a crashing noise accompanied by a high pitched scream came from the library’s upper level.
It was Lexa covered in dust, but grinning that crazy grin. “Miss me?”
“You’ll have to be gone a bit longer than that I’m afraid.” Clarke answered. “How did you get in here?”
“I climbed through the air ducts.”
“Really? Do that often?” Lexa was skinny, but it was kind of surprising that a grown woman could fit through one of those.
“Yes and yes. Now who wants to load up and party.”
Everyone raised their hands.
Getting high with someone who actually knew what they were doing was a completely different experience that any Clarke had had before. Lexa could roll a bitchin’ joint and Clarke found herself taking hit after hit in the circle. The others eventually wandered off talking about fake I.D’s and Clarke was left alone with Lexa. She racked her brain for something to say, but nothing was connecting. Finally she caught a train of thought that wasn’t about Lexa’s eyes or jawline and grasped tightly onto it.
“So, do you have a girlfriend?” Her voice was rough from smoking and it wasn’t the most subtle introduction to what was sure to be a touchy subject, but it was a start.
Lexa frowned in confusion. “Sure I do. I’ve got loads.”
“Loads?”
“Loads. Wanna see their pictures?” Clarke found herself nodding, suddenly desperately curious about what kind of girl someone like Lexa would date. The delinquent pulled out her wallet and inside was about ten pictures, neatly cut and organized in little clear plastic holders.
“And you’re dating all of these girls.” They were pretty, but Clarke couldn’t discern any consistent type.
She only shrugged in response.
“They must be quite the handful.”
That made Lexa smirk. “They sure are.” With that it finally clicked. All the girls had large breasts.
Clarke’s shirt suddenly felt too tight. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Lexa gave her a little smile. “Oh.”
“Don’t they get jealous?”
“I don’t know. I don’t see any of them more that once or twice.”
“That doesn’t count as a girlfriend Lexa.”
“Sure it does Clarke.”
Clarke huffed, why was she being so difficult all of a sudden. “A girlfriend is someone you care about, who you want to take out and spend time with.”
Lexa sat up straight and looked Clarke directly in the eye. “Is that what you’d like.”
“What?”
“To be taken out, shown off.”
“Sort of. Is that wrong.”
“I don't know.” The stare was heavy and the air grew thin.
Clarke broke it with a coughing fit.
When she was done trying to throw up a lung, Clarke went back to investigating Lexa’s wallet. It was nearly empty, no coupons and barely any cash; just pictures of girls she barely knew. Except for one. A picture of a pretty dark skinned girl that was hidden in a little pocket in the middle of the wallet.
“Who's this?”
Lexa’s green eyes looked sad and vulnerable in that moment, Clarke wondered if she would ever let herself be drawn. “That’s Costia.”
“An ex.”
“I guess.”
Clarke gathered her courage, the weed made it easier than it should be. “What happened?”
“She died.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” Lexa turned away from Clarke in her seat and she found herself desperately wishing that Lexa wouldn’t shut her out.
Clarke grabbed her watch and played with the straps. “I lost someone special to me too, his name was Finn.” Lexa didn’t move, but from the way she was still, Clarke could tell she was listening. “He was only sixteen, he’d got his first car you know. One night he was out for a drive, he liked to do that sometimes when he wasn’t feeling okay, and he was blindsided by a drunk driver. Killed on impact.”
“Clarke, why are you here. In detention with me.”
“I stopped going to school for a while last week. I didn’t really feel up to it. You see—” She kept messing with the watch, the little hands just kept ticking. “My mom’s getting remarried.” Lexa turned back to face her, her eyes weren’t so far away anymore. “Today’s actually the date of the rehearsal.”
“Oh.” Lexa’s lips made a perfect circle.
“Yeah. Oh.”
Just then the others came back from wherever they had been.
“Hey. What are you guys doing?” Monty asked.
Lexa seemed slightly irritated at the interruption, but that might have been wishful thinking. “Talking about what we did to get in here.”
“Fun. What did you do Heda?”
“Pulled a fire alarm.”
Clarke laughed. “How cliché.”
“So Octavia you’re next, what did you do to get in here.” Lexa was back to reclining on one of the library couches.
“Nothing really, I just didn’t have anything better to do.”
“Nothing?” Monty asked.
“Nothing. My mom doesn’t like me going places or talking to people.”
Monty’s brown eyes where wide, “So what do you do?”
“I go to detention.”
The hair on the back of Clarke’s neck stood up at her flat tone. “That’s sort of bizarre.”
Raven bristled. “When you think about it, we’re all kind of bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it. That’s all.” She shook out her ponytail. “For instance, you want to know how I got in here?”
Everyone nodded except Lexa.
“I let John Murphy talk me into taping a kid to a wall.”
Clarke was a bit impressed. “That was you?”
“Yeah that was me. We had just got done with lunch and this kid was walking in front of us. Some little freshman girl. Murphy started making fun of the way she walked and it just kept going you know? One minute we’re kidding around and the next this girl is screaming as we take her down. It makes me sick to think about, because I did that. I listened to her scream and I didn’t stop. I just lifted her up and taped her to the goddamn wall.
The room was silent except for Raven's voice. It was shaking. " I just keep thinking about how scary that must of been for her. How fucked up it was, and it’s my fault. Because I can’t stop trying to prove myself to my piece of shit mother who just wants to drink herself into oblivion. Who's always talking about all the cool stuff she did back in high school like it's some sort of fucking age of glory. That’s all she cares about. Her drink, her memories, and my track. Sometimes I wish my leg would give, it has before. Then maybe she would leave me alone.” Hot, messy tears poured out of her.
Octavia reached out slowly, carefully with one hand and rested it on Raven leg.
“Did you know that I’m at the top of our year? I’m so fucking smart, but I do these stupid fucking things. I don’t act like myself. You know Heda, you saw!”
Lexa looked uncomfortable. “Yeah, I saw.”
“You know what I get like, I tried to beat your ass because I was scared. Scared that you were there when I did that. I was so wrapped up in my shame that I hurt someone again.”
Monty’s eyes were wet with tears as well. “I get it.”
Raven turned red and wiped angrily at her face. “How could you understand, you couldn’t hurt anyone if you tried!”
“Yes I could! You’re not the only one who does stupid things they regret. I tried to… I tried to…”
Clarke’s blood grew cold. “Monty what did you do.”
“I didn’t do anything. I was a chicken shit. I had the gun and—”
“Why the fuck did you have a gun.”
“I’m gonna fail English. We had this paper, just one paper and I botched it and there's no way to fix it.” He was sobbing properly now.
“So you were going to kill yourself!”
“No! Well maybe. I don’t know okay! My parents want so much from me. It's always ‘Monty this isn’t good enough’, ‘Monty try harder’. I don’t even want to think about how they will react when they find out I flunked out of an entire class!”
“Killing yourself is not the answer though!”
“Well I didn’t, did I Clarke.”
“What stopped you?”
“The gun backfired in my locker.”
“I run away.” The group turned to Octavia.
“But they bring me back everytime. Back to my mom who doesn’t want to see me. She keeps me in my room all the time. She won’t even let me see my big brother anymore.” It was the most Octavia had ever said, and it was tragic. Her big eyes were watery, but her countenance was enraged. As if she could hardly contain herself.
Raven nodded. “You run. So do I.”
“We’re so messed up.” Monty said with a wet smile.
Lexa ruffled his hair fondly. “I know man. How about we put on some music and jam out.”
“That sounds good to me.”
The last couple hours passed slowly, slipping away and eventually Lexa had to head back to solitary confinement. Apparently Mr. Wallace had brought her to a storage room and locked her inside. Octavia got so angry when she heard this that Raven had to spend minutes calming her down.
They weren’t all friends exactly. Nobody wanted to talk about what would happen on monday when school started again, but Clarke knew it didn’t matter. This detention had changed her somehow. She felt less alone, less isolated. She didn’t feel put on a pedestal with these kids. She just was who she was.
Clarke spend the rest of her time coming down from her high, joking around with the others. It wasn’t the same without Lexa, but it still beat pretty much everything else.
She learned new facts about Raven, Octavia, and Monty beyond their ‘big issues’. It turned out Octavia had an adult brother named Bellamy Blake who Clarke had seen at a couple of parties at the local college. It’s funny how small a world can be.
She even got Monty and Raven to collaborate on the bullshit essay they were supposed to write and when the clock struck 2:23 everyone was in their seats waiting for Mr. Wallace who returned from wherever he had been for the last half of the day.
He was more calm than the last time Clarke had seen him, but there was still something unsettling about his face. “You’re time is up everyone. You are all free to leave.” He grabbed their essays (which he would later discover were all identical) and put them together in a small stack. “Clarke Griffin, please go get Heda and tell her she can leave as well. She’s in storage room A233. Here's the key.”
Clarke felt her heart race. She nodded stiffly and gathered her things and went to tell the others where she was going. They all seemed to understand what was happening without her needing to vocalize her thoughts and Raven even gave her a stiff nod from where she stood with her arm wrapped around Octavia’s shoulders.
The stairs leading to Lexa were steep and Clarke had a hard time walking down them her legs were shaking so bad.
After unlocking the door slowly, Clarke found Lexa smoking a cigarette on some boxes. It was almost unfair how good she looked in the dim lighting, with the cherry casting a red glow on her face.
Lexa leaned forwards and smiled a bit. “You lost?” Before she could say anything further Clarke leaned in to kiss her against the cardboard boxes. It was warm and short-lived; Lexa’s lips were dry and she tasted like smoke.
When they broke apart Lexa had a dazed look on her face. “Why’d you do that.”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t.”
“You’re right. Love is weakness.”
Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s collar and neck. It was safe there and good smelling. Even with the smoke. “I know.”
Lexa’s arms wrapped around her waist, holding Clarke to her body. “Everyone we love leaves.”
“If I promise not to love you, do you promise not to go?”
“I… I think we could work something out Clarke.”
“Good.” The second kiss was so much better than the first.
Clarke had to pull away to breathe eventually, much to Lexa’s disappointment. “We should go back the others, they’re waiting.”
“Okay.”
Together they left the the school and joined the others in the parking lot. It was still cold outside, but Lexa’s hand was warm, and she walked Clarke to her car and gave her another kiss in front of everyone. Nobody seemed surprised.
Clarke felt desperate all of a sudden. She didn’t know what this meant, this thing between them, but she was desperate to make it feel real. “Here, take this.’’ She held out one of her diamond earrings. Lexa’s lip curled slightly as she looked at the symbol of Clarke’s wealth, but when Clarke put it in her hand and folded her fingers over it, she softened.
“Thank you, Clarke.” She pressed her lips to the Clarke’s cheek quickly, and then began to back away.
The blonde shook herself slightly to clear her head then called out after her, “I’ll see you Monday?”
“Nah, you’ll see me in your dreams.” Lexa’s grin was back, but this time it didn’t seem so harsh.
“Maybe I will!” Clarke replied.
Lexa’s jaw dropped, but she recovered quickly. “That’s good.” With that the burnout turned away and walked towards the football fields. Clarke couldn't help but notice the extra bounce in her step.
Then with a smile on her face, Clarke Griffin finally left Saturday detention.