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Tonight is the first time the windows have to stay close: autumn is here, bringing a chillier weather and temperatures, the colors typical of this time of the year and the feeling that the point of no return is getting closer and closer.
The tv is on but Junho is not watching it and he knows that the same can be said for Seong Gihun: his eyes stare into the screen but his mind is somewhere else entirely, lost in the memories of the island that it's the epicenter of their nightmares. The are sitting close to one another on the bed, their shoulders brushing every time one of them moves, making his heart beat a little faster when that happens. On the nightstand there are empty containers of the food they had ordered for the dinner, two half full bottles of cheap beer that haven't been remotely enough to loosen him up, a pack of cigarettes with a lighter inside that Gihun occasionally reaches for, ignoring how Junho turns up his nose a little at the smell of smoke. That little consideration is not surprising after... Well...
"I thought they had taught you that is impolite to stare," Gihun finally says, startling Junho who feels his cheeks go on fire.
This is the first thing either of them has said that night. They have eaten in silence, and in silence they pretended to watch the tv to avoid talking about what almost happened during the training session where Junho is teaching the older man how to fight. Junho feels a shiver run down in spine at the memory of just how close they had been for a good minute before Gihun had pushed him away, blathering about a need to go to the bathroom and disappearing in there for some time and leaving Junho kneeling on the floor with an uncomfortable feeling between his legs.
When he had come out Gihun had just asked him what he wanted for dinner, and refused to talk to him for the rest of the time. Which was fine: Junho didn't have much want to talk after popping a boner in front of a man that is old enough to be his father.
"I wasn't staring," he denies, still staring.
Gihun huffs a laugh and turns towards him. On the tv, the male lead and the female lead of the drama are fighting.
"Do I have something on my face?" he asks, tilting his head to the right.
"No," Junho replies, feeling suddenly shy, "I just, I mean-"
What can he say? He doesn't want for the silence to persist but is he ready for the consequences of that inevitable conversation they need to have in order for things between them to go back to normal? Could they ever go back to normal actually? A polite distance between two men with a similar goal but moved by entire different reasonings?
Should they go back to how things were before-
"Look kid, if you are embarrassed for what happened earlier, it's fine, I read it can happen," Gihun says, "Adrenaline and all, you know."
Adrenaline, yeah.
It was totally the adrenaline.
"So... You..."
"I... I felt it yeah," not surprising considering Junho had his crotch against the other's thigh, "But as I said, nothing to be ashamed of, it's normal, you are young."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine, really."
They are staring at each other.
Seong Gihun is in his fifties, and the weight of the years and of what he endured on the island shows on the deep signs on his face and a body that is too thing and frail - although Junho is working on that, helping him eat more regularly and not just prepackaged noodles. His eyes, though, when he's not plagued by the force of his trauma, show fierceness and a passion that Junho has rarely seen in his life, especially in people like him who have gone through so much. Other might have been squashed by what they experienced, but not Gihun: he didn't come out of it unscathed, of course, but there's still a will to live in him that he can't help but find fascinating.
He realizes that he wants to get closer to Gihun, more than something merely physical. But there are barriers that the older man has put around himself, walls so high that it could be risky to try to climb them when unprepared. Should he even attempt to do that when their mission is so important? Could it put everything at risk? The chance to find his brother and bring him back home, or at least to get an explanation from him, is getting slimmer the more time passes, and to get entangled in this....
He vaguely registers that in the drama the fight between the male lead and the female lead has reached its peak.
"Junho-sshi, you should go home," Gihun says. He's giving him the chance to get away with this. Ignore everything and let them go back to how things were before.
"I should," he agrees. He registers every single aspect of Gihun's face: his eyes, which are looking at him with kindness, the curved shape of his nose, the pale skin illuminated by the tv, he little signs of tiredness like the deeper eye bags and the cheeks that could be fuller. Last, his lips. Thin and rosy. Gihun at spicy tteokbokki at dinner: how long would that taste last?
"See you tomorrow then?"
Another chance. Junho swallows.
"See you tomorrow."
Gihun's eyes briefly stare at his lips.
The female lead interrupts the male lead's love confession with a kiss and yes.
Gihun's mouth does taste of spicy tteokbokki.