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Being in love with the Bastard of the Barrel was like lighting up a ton of candles, throwing them into a pile and jumping straight into them. It wasn’t easy, it didn’t even look like it would become easy any time soon. But you tried and so did he.
Kaz cared about you. He showered you with little gifts – a mug of your favourite coffee on your desk when you were working over hours, a compass on your pillow or a single flower in a vase that would always be replaced whenever it started to wither. He didn’t make it obvious that it was from him yet you knew and he was aware that you knew.
It all started when you came looking for a job. You had been terrified of what could’ve been encountered on the streets of Ketterdam. Not only were you a teenager – already vulnerable because of your age – but also you were Grisha. Inferni to be exact. You had left your home in the western Ravka after you’d lit up your whole village, burning it to the ground along with its inhabitants. You still were scared of whatever untamed power was sleeping in you.
However, nothing could’ve stayed hidden from Kaz Brekker. He controlled everything that happened in his part of the town, taking notice of a new Grisha roaming Ketterdam’s streets. He’d pulled some strings and somehow you’d wandered into the Crow Club. You’d been shocked, for in your small town there hadn’t been clubs like those you’d seen. Or like this that you had been standing in, exploring its wooden counters, tables for various hazard games, dimmed lights or a staircase that you could’ve only imagined where it led.
“Are you y/n?” A hoarse voice had said from behind your back. You’d turned around and saw a man your age with his hand placed on a cane, its head looking like it used to belong to some stray crow. “I was wondering how long it would take you to finally come here.”
“How do you know my name?” You’d questioned, your voice no more than a whisper.
“I have my secrets,” the boy had replied, his cold gaze looking you over. “All you need to know is that we are in need of an Inferni and here you are,” he’d smirked.
You’d rolled your eyes. Obviously he hadn’t wanted to put you up for a night out of the goodness of his heart. You’d doubted he had a heart at all.
Since then, you’d been irreplaceable to him. Grisha weren’t popular in Kerch. So you’d stayed, made yourself comfortable and started working with Kaz and his Crows.
You closed your eyes, sighing deeply. Your head was pounding and your fingers were itching to use some of the magic in you. You’d been so busy all day that you hadn’t even thought about lighting candles in your room. You’d just flipped a switch and started working on the numbers. Not even, what look like ten minutes, the dusk has fallen and your eyes started watering.
“If you stay a little longer over that, you might smudge the numbers with your tears, love,” the hoarse voice you’ve grown to love said from the threshold. You lifted your head to see Kaz leaning against the wall, his palm still on his cane. He looked like he just came back from whatever he was doing, his hat still on his head and the long coat he adored – even though he wouldn’t admit to liking something – still on his back, buttoned up.
“It’s okay, I only have one page to finish and I’m done for the night,” you replied tiredly. Your head was still pounding.
“You look like you’re going to be sick,” he commented, undoing his coat. His ruffled hair was all over the place and you could see the bags under his eyes.
“The same can be said about you,” you remarked, smirking at him. Kaz only rolled his eyes at you, coming closer to your desk.
He pulled out his hand towards you and you looked up at him quizzically. When he encouraged you with a slight nod, you took his hand and let him lead you to your bed. He motioned for you to lay down and he did the same on the other side of the bed. He took a deep breath in and started to peel off his gloves from his palms. you watched him in silence, trying to make sense of what he was doing.
“Have you used your powers today?” Kaz inquired, letting his arm fall beside you, leaving some space between you.
“No,” you made yourself comfortable on your bed, laying on your side and facing his profile. He looked at you, but remained sitting, propped up against the bedhead.
“Show me, then,” he pleaded, his face fully turning into your direction. “Your powers, I mean.”
“You’ve seen me using my powers, Kaz,” you laughed, closing your eyes a little. It felt so good to be close to him.
“I’ve seen you killing with your powers, but I haven’t seen you simply using it,”
“Well,” you trailed off, lifting your palm a bit. You produced a small flame that was trailing your palm and then your forearm. You could feel the heath of the fire yet it didn’t burn you. It never burned you. You glimpsed at Kaz, and saw that he was in a slight awe. His eyes were widened and his lips were lightly parted. Then, he sent you a look and you knew he wanted to say something.
“Can–,” Kaz cleared his throat, “Can I try?”
“Sure,” you scooped a little closer to him, pointing your finger at his palm, “May I? Just say if you want to stop.”
He nodded his head and lifted his palm, you placed your own onto his. When you heard a sharp intake of breath from Kaz, you were aware that not only you felt the electricity that went through when you touched. You continued looking at him, in order to know when or if you needed to stop. When Kaz was still staring at your connected palms, you constructed another little flame and let it roam around Kaz’s palm and shirt, carefully not to ignite anything.
“You okay?” You made sure, his demeanour was still the same. He let you touch him for more than a minute now. You looked into his eyes and you saw light in his eyes.
“It’s really, um–“ he cleared his throat again, “pretty.”
You laughed at that then you extinguished the flame and came back to your previous position. “Fire has always calmed me down, that’s why I couldn’t produce even a spark after the accident,”
“We all have our demons,” he replied. “Better for you that you managed to kill yours.”