Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fall, for all intents and purposes, is a nice season. Not too cold to be annoying, not too hot to be uncomfortable. Never my favorite, but it held a special atmosphere of which I could only be fond of. However, the season of tranquility and peace was quite lacking in those departments at my new life, all to my dismay.

Inbetween, a city following the tradition of silly place names that seems to haunt my life, one of the calmer hauntings I have to endure at the least, is nothing if the complete opposite of Fall. An energetic, non-stop chaotic city made of blues and grays to the opposition of the warm colours of Fall, the city seemed to not know how to breathe.

It is a shame that even if graced with the seat by the window, all I am greeted by is the concrete of buildings and the rushing of cars to entertain my thoughts. Well, anything to ignore the hassle of school life if not for a few minutes only.

- Sunny?

- Oh, sorry, I was distracted.

- It’s okay, just passing the papers that Mr. Williams asked, here. 

The girl passes me a few pages of Biology homework for next class. Maybe this could entertain my thoughts for next class, even if I have a distaste for studies, the puzzle of questionnaires always entertained my mind. Just had to make it hidden as for Ms. Wilson not to catch me doing other teacher’s work during her class.

I look around the class for a few seconds after receiving the paper, a grave mistake. I notice what seems to be the attention of a few, staring holes at me. One would think after a few months the interest in the weird kid with an eyepatch would diminish but it seems not. 

The girl from earlier seemed to have gotten through it, a fact I could only thank her. The rest of the class, well only a few I could say the same. I should have guessed but a new kid with an eyepatch and mysterious background would cause a few impressions.

Disgust was comforting, ambivalence even more so, interest was awkward, fear even more so, but worst of all was pity.

At some point, I’m not sure where because a story gets quickly twisted at a school, but some unknown teacher, of which all of the teachers have been accused of being, told some student at school something about a dead sister and a missing father. Those things coupled with an eyepatch seemed to create a mystique of tragedy about me. One of which a silent plurality seemed to deem worthy of pity.

However, one should teach these people that stories told by hearsay are rarely accurate. Somehow, all those tales seemed to elude any point of my fault, to which I, a man guilty of the sin of taking his own sister’s life, has to endure their pity.

I despise their pity. They can feel bad for my sister, they can feel bad for my mother and my father but they should never feel for me. I am not worthy of their feelings, that I learned extensively that day in Faraway. And I continue learning to this day.

As I derail into my thoughts, I see a brown haired boy make once more a beeline for my desk. He, for instance, is afflicted with a lesser evil than pity. It’s interest, one of which I will try to finally squash this time around.

- Hello Austin. - I say to the well built, taller than me but not quite enough to be called tall, man.

- Woah, Sunny, it’s the first time you opened our conversation! Maybe one day you will be the one to walk to me. - The sarcastic boy says. One thing I have to thank is that if I attract attention like a lit candle in the darkness, he is a lamppost. All eyes quickly go to him and I am relegated to their peripherals.

- … - I answer him with silence. Like usual.

- Too much to ask? I guess so. Well, then I will make an easier request, I hope. Could you tell me how you got your eyepatch?

And there he comes. Within his usual cascade of mistakes, he lacks tact to notice not to speak about such a normally delicate subject. Funnily enough, one of the aspects the rumours seemed to leave out is how I got the eyepatch, which makes sense since it would shatter my poor child aspect if the truth about it being my own fault came out.

Well, this could be an opportunity, the best answer for curiosity is information. If I tell him enough he will leave me alone once and for all. I check the clock and there’s a few minutes before next class, the perfect opportunity.

I silently stand up and start walking out the room, and the boy, whose name has been introduced to me a few too many times by him for me to ignore, quickly follows.

- So, you don’t want to talk in front of everyone then? Where are we going? - Austin says right behind me.

- How do you know I don’t want to get away from you instead? - I say, breaking my silence.

- You walk quicker when you are running away from me. Not quick enough, however. - He says when we take a turn for the stairs. - The roof huh? Should’ve guessed.

As the boy states, our destination is the roof, one which would be normally filled with students if not for the recent lock the school put on the door. Something about the roof being off limits due to vandalism or something.

- The lock huh. Well leave it to me.

Thankfully I have the delinquent by my side. He pulls a bobby pin from his pocket, one of which I’ve never seen used for his hair, and unlocks the roof for us.

- Thanks would be appreciated. - The delinquent states as I walk past the door.

I walk towards the edge of the roof, surrounded by tall fences, probably to negate "accidents". There was a time I’d dream of jumping, but those are long gone. Maybe I left them back at Faraway, much like most things.

- You asked how I got this eyepatch right? - I say to the nice looking bad boy beside me, of which he responds with a nod, odd for a boy who talks so much one would guess he fell in love with his own voice. - I lost my eye in a fight with a friend. It’s my fault at the end of the day.

- Your fault? What did you do, attack the kid? You don’t seem the type, not with… - He says, gesturing to my body. He seems to be calling me a weakling. Not wrong I guess.

- You could say I attacked him, all of them. - I took the most beautiful flower of the group far, far away.

- All of them? The whole friend group huh… You used to be a big bad boy, were you? - He says with a tone of sarcasm. It was almost like breathing for him.

- Bit too short and skinny to be called big, don’t you think? - I say, letting my old snarkiness leak out for a bit.

- I think so too. So, finish the story, how was it afterwards with your friends? - He said, now looking at me with a weird feeling in his eyes.

- We fought again a few days later and never saw each other again. End of story.

- Huh, so you fight, lose your eye, then fight again and then they ditch you? Bad luck. Or bad friends, whichever suits your guts. - He says, now looking at the “view” of concrete in front of us.

- Did you forget the part where I said it was my fault? And besides they didn’t ditch me. - I say, annoyed with this nuisance. Maybe this was a bad plan.

- Yeah, I heard you say it was your fault and I don’t quite buy it. And what, you telling me you ditched them? Sounds hard by how you speak about them. - The boy says, now seemingly annoyed for whatever reason. Still not looking at me though.

- Not quite either, but closer.

- You both ditched each other? - He says, with as weird a smile as his look before.

- Close as a guess from you can be I believe. So, satiated? - I say, now fully turning my body around to face him.

- Not quite. You know, since you talked so much about your past, I think it’s only fair I tell you a bit about mine. A long time ago I was part of a small happy family, not rich, not poor, just comfortable and happy. Then, my father made a big mistake and ditched all of us. I used to blame myself for a long time, but nowadays I see he was always the one who made that mistake, he was the one that ditched us. - Now turning around and looking straight into my eyes, Austin is talking. No funny voice, no sarcasm, just him. - And you know what I see? Someone who hasn’t seen that yet. Welp, sorry for the pun if it bothers you, but it seems not. It’s not your fault.

The bell rings.

- Seems we’re out of time Sunny, let’s head out and I’ll lock this place up again. We talk more later, capiche?

I follow him, silently. He seems different towards me now. Not interested, curious, disgusted, indifferent or fearful. No pity either, he seems determined.

It feels nice, somehow.

Home sweet home.

Well, as sweet as it can be for a somewhat struggling family of two.

The divorce gave my mother a bit of money, but father’s family wealth was far greater than whatever mom’s nurse job could get us. And, in the end most of father’s money went into the city apartment. Big for an apartment, but still small compared to any house in Faraway, it takes a bit to get used to.

Mom should be out at work for quite a few hours still, so I’ll try to cook some rice to make it easier for her, since I don’t know how to cook much else. But first, a pitstop at my room for a change of clothes and a few minutes rest.

As I open the door, I’m greeted by the smell and sight of a diverse number of flowers. All those flowers from those last days at Faraway. I remember I had to beg mom to let me take these on the trip, but with everything else we left behind, it felt nice taking it to have a bit of Faraway with us.

Well, most plants died, a few are still struggling and a few others were actually plastic. The only one that seems to thrive is not actually in my room and… oh, almost forgot.

I go back to the living room and face our family portrait. I get one of the candles inside the cupboard beneath it and light it, careful to give it distance from the lily of the valley of which it shares the space in the cupboard, the only flower that thrived after the move.

I follow the candle with a single wish, a prayer perhaps.

“My thoughts will follow you into your dreams.”

After a quick moment I go to cook the rice. I've had enough rest in those 4 years for a lifetime, let’s not sit around now.

I do wonder however, since we ended up not talking after recess, what will Austin do tomorrow? Weirdly enough, I’m not annoyed with the thought.

Chapter Text

- And that’s it for class, remember the assignment for next class…- And with that Mr. Rodriguez’s Philosophy class is over. I had already packed my bag 30 minutes ago when he started rambling about random stuff like usual, so I was ready to go home quickly as usual, but a certain brown haired individual blocked my path halfway.

- Hey, Sunny. Going home already? It’s almost as if you forgot yesterday's promise, you’ll make my heart break one day you know? - Austin says, attracting attention all to him as usual.

- You said nothing about it being today? - I say, factually. - What if I have something to do today? - I say, having nothing to do today.

- Sunny, you just confirmed that you have nothing to do. Had you have to do something, you would’ve just said so and walked away. - He’s got me there. For someone who has only known me for little more than a couple of months, he already knows my tricks a bit too fast. - Well then, let’s not waste anymore time. Up, up and away!

We walked silently around school until we finally left, it seems he plans on taking me somewhere else. It was also odd for him to go so long without speaking.

- I think we are free here. I’ve seen you don’t like to speak near the others, so I wanted to pull you out before having our talk. - He seems oddly genuine now. Normally it’s as if he puts on a mask of happiness and snarkiness, but now he’s just talking normally. - It’s going to be a long walk, you okay?

- Well, sure? - I’m not the most athletic but walking at a normal pace shouldn’t be the end of me. - Where are we going?

- It’s a surprise! Well, part of a story, so it’s better to show it when it makes sense. - He says, leading the way as if that answered my question.

- I’m not the biggest fan of surprises, Austin. - They are bothersome. I like things when they are all laid out and I can make an informed decision for the future.

- That’s nice, I’m learning something new about you everyday, Sunshine! - He says, still walking and obnoxiously dodging my question. Also, never call me “Sunshine” again. - Well, as a matter of fact I’d love to know some more about you. You see, I know 3 things about you. You lost your sister, your father left you and you fought your friends and lost your eye. I’m made to believe those 3 incidents are all independent and weirdly tragic for the same person, but I think differently. I think there is a greater story and I’m very curious. - While certainly not the only person to make the connection at school, it is very shocking how few have made it. He’s certainly the only one with the lack of tact to actually investigate me. - However, it’s very rude of me to just demand to know you better, so I’ll tell you bits of my story first. Not the whole thing, it’s a bit too long for the trip, but the basics.

- Can’t promise I’ll do the same.

- Well, you’re telling me there’s a chance? - He’s somehow getting more annoying. Maybe I should just leave.

- Are you going to begin? - I say, giving him one last chance.

- Sure, just wait till this traffic light turns green and we cross. I’m just putting my thoughts in order quickly. - He says, now more serious.

I take the moment to look at the scenery around. While nothing compared to Faraway, I guess Inbetween can have its moments of shine. The almost blue hue that the city emanates with the quick passing of cars and the few scattered trees decorating the streets, with the leaves scattered across the sidewalk gives it a comforting feel sometimes. I guess beauty is there when you look for it. I just wish it were more peaceful.

The cars stop and for a few seconds all I hear is the sound of our steps.

- Okay, I think I got it. - Austin says beside me. - A long time ago, I was part of a family of four. Silly, young me, slightly less silly and older sister, my dedicated and educated mother and our hard working father. We were happy, we had money to buy some luxuries but nothing excessive, we were comfortable. I already told you this part before, correct? - He says, turning back at me to see my reaction.

Sadly for him, not much to see as usual. But his reaction is the interesting fact. He seems to be forcing a smile, he speaks sincerely but it shows on his face it’s still heavy on him and tries to hide it. 

- If you’re not doing good, you can stop. You know, right? - I say, still walking beside him.

- Oh, it’s nothing. This is old news, very, very old news. - He says, faking a laugh -  Well, as I was saying, we were happy. Till one day, father made a mistake. At the time we knew nothing about it, but he started putting the small cracks on our happy family that we would end up paying for later. - He stretches down to pick up a small little stick that had fallen from a nearby tree. - A few months passed and a small letter came to us when he was out. A small letter detailing all of his little sins. That day, he made an even bigger mistake. - He quickly, with anger in his eyes and speech, snaps the stick in two.  - One that broke our happy little charade in half.

It’s weird describing the emotions emanating from him. All the mentions of father were followed by disgust and anger, but there was some unmistaken sadness as well. Reminiscing over better times, I know how it is.

- What next? - I say, prodding the boy to continue.

- Well, now we had to fix it. He was our bread winner, mother was college educated but wasn’t working at the time so as to take care of me, so that quickly changed. But it wasn’t enough. We arrived. - He says, stopping in front of what seems to be some small family diner or something. It’s called “Big Butch’s”. - Hope you’re hungry!

We walk in and it’s a small little diner. There’s a customer or another, but it seems to make most of its business some other time. The aesthetic, well it’s got personality, I’ll give it that. Red, orange and white seem to fill the place, much more fitting for fall than the scenes outside. I could see myself visiting once in a while.

- Hey, Butch! How you doing? - Austin walks in front, greeting the cashier and seemingly owner of the place.

- Not much different from yesterday, you don’t have to ask everyday you know? - Butch turns around into the kitchen and calls out. - Hey Liz, your little brother is here, with a new kid it seems.

-Oh c’mon, what is it now you brat? - I hear as steps come out the kitchen to show a tall lady with a striking similarity to Austin. This must be the sister he was talking about, then. - Oh, sorry for the outburst. - She says, now noticing my presence. - I wasn’t aware my little nuisance was able to make new friends. He’s got the same ones for what seems to be years now, my name is Elizabeth Sinclair, may I ask yours?

- My name’s Sunny Suzuki, nice to meet you. - One of the things after meeting Elizabeth is that I have to admit their family has won some sort of lottery. I didn’t want to admit that Austin was good looking for the longest time, but after seeing Elizabeth it has to come to light. Mari was beautiful, but it seems that when it came to me, well I got the short end of the stick. Maybe malnutrition didn’t help.

- What do you mean nuisance? I know you wouldn’t last a day without your dear little brother. - Huh, siblings. I miss it. I miss you every waking moment Mari. - Well, we came to eat, so we’ll be sitting over there as usual, just a quick think about our orders is all.

- Austin, I know your family are all old family friends, and your sister works miracles for us, but don’t you think you abuse that lifelong 50% off a little too much? - Butch says, a little annoyed.

- Well, you said it yourself, sis works miracles for you, and I also pitch in to help once in a while when you need, no pay either! So I think we’re fair. - Austin says, a bit loudly as we go to sit down.

I worry about the other guests, it must be annoying all this talking. A quick look around eliminates my worries, they seem used to it, a couple entertained even.

- Well, that was that. You met my sis, c’mon, who of us is prettier? - Austin says a bit mischievous.

- Her. - I quickly answer.

- Oh, c’mon, I’ve yet to win. - Maybe that means something, thought about that? - Well, what do you want? I’m paying, don’t worry. - It seems to me Butch is paying as much as you, but whatever.

-Hmm.- Not too hungry, but the trip made me a bit thirsty. - I think I’ll have some orange juice.

- That’s all? Nahh, I’ll fix you up something. - He walks up to the counter and says - HEY SIS, I WANT TWO SAMMY SANDWICHES, and Butch, a soda and an OJ please.

- DON’T SHOUT YOU RASCAL! - Comes out as a shout from the kitchen.

- Okay, I’ll get the drinks, anything else or the tab? - Says the older, more responsible man at the counter.

While they talk, I start to look around. This place, this mood, it reminds me … of better times. Father didn’t like me going to Gino’s, but Mari and mom were normally able to convince him that going with friends was important for my social growth. Mari normally liked her homecooked food or Hero’s better than whatever we ate outside, but me and Kel were a bit annoying sometimes so they’d placate us by eating out. A shame, I’d love to have eaten more of Mari’s food nowadays.

- And, here, a Sammy Sandwich. Oh! You aren’t… ehh what’s the word. Vegan! You aren’t vegan right? - He says, putting the food on the table.

- No, no. I quite prefer meat actually. - Steak was always my favorite, reliable, tasty, salty. Salad, however. Grass in a bowl.

- Oh, that’s great! Here, Inbetween’s finest! - Austin says, passing me a sandwich while shoving his in his mouth.

The sandwich seems nice enough, salami, quite a lot of cheese actually, some lettuce since we can’t always be winners and pickles. Oh, that’s tasty, huh.

- Well, then, ready to hear the end of my story?- He says, somehow already finished with his sandwich.

- … - I wait to finish my bite, it’s rude to talk with food in your mouth. - Sure.

- As you saw, mom working wasn’t enough. In the divorce we got the house and a bit of money, but nothing much more. You know, sis wanted to practice law, but college is expensive and we were in a pinch at the time, so she started working here, at a friend’s diner. - He says, looking at the counter and kitchen area of the place, before turning around to me. - And you know what I thought for the longest time? It was my fault. I thought that if it wasn’t for me, sis wouldn’t have to work and she could’ve followed her dream, if I had been a better son, father wouldn’t have done the things he did. But I was a kid, Sunny. 

- I don’t think our situations are as applicable as you seem to think. - It seems mistakes happened to him. I made mistakes. I’m the father he talks about with so much resentment.

- Maybe. But I see some similarities. You don’t like how they look at you, right? Be it the pity, fear, disgust, whatever, it’s like you want to crawl inside your own skin and hide. It used to be like that with me too, more fear and disgust than pity, rather than your case.

- You don’t seem that affected nowadays. - I say. It makes sense he likes to avoid being near the others with me now.

- As I said, I was a kid. With time I realized a few things and grew out of it.

- So you are saying I’m still a kid?

- Sure are acting like one. The thing is, Sunshine… - Nope, can’t allow that.

- Please don’t call me that. I didn’t say anything the first time but this can’t be a thing. - I’ve heard enough jokes about the name, but that nickname irks me a bit too much.

- You’ll get used to it. - I shoot him a glare. - Okay, Sunny. The thing is, you can’t let the way people perceive you be a prison. You can’t be stuck with your own thoughts and demons. You must beat them!

… Is that it?

- That’s your great plan?

- Well, it worked for me! See, you look like you haven’t eaten a day in your life, - I take a bite of the sandwich - white as a vampire and sad like… what’s something traditionally sad? - Grave of the Fireflies. - Anyways, you can’t fault people for seeing you like a charity case, you gotta better yourself. What do you like to do?

… Like? That’s uhh, huh. That’s a word.

I just blankly stare at him trying to find any answer to the question.

- Okay… - He looks now more worried than before. - What do you do, in general?

- I study… I … I play videogames a bit and draw, I guess. - He looks at me confused. - More for distraction than enjoyment really.

- Drawing is nice, but you need more. For that, I can help you out, especially with a few contacts of mine. - He says, smiling and shining his flip-phone in front of me. - Actually, what’s your number, I should add you for us to speak with one another about all this better sometime.

- Wait, when did I say I agreed with your whole ordeal? - I say, trying to save face in front of this boy’s avalanche of activity.

- When I saw a silly little shine in your eyes during our conversation. You aren’t the only observant one, Sunshine. - He says, laughing. - Well, what’s the number?

- I don’t have a phone.

… Silence fills the table.

- I’m sorry, what? - The most genuine confusion fills his face.

- I’ve talked with my mom about buying one to contact her, but she’s been quite busy and I don’t really have anyone to talk to except her. - I think it was a few weeks ago we talked about it. Maybe she forgot, work’s been tough on her.

- Sort that out, I guess. Well, let’s go! - He says, standing up and walking towards the exit. - Bye Butch, BYE SIS!

I haven’t finished my juice yet.

Quickly gulping it down, I see him through the window messing around his phone, maybe messaging someone? While I leave, I hear a voice coming from the counter.

- Hey, Sunny right? I’ll try to remember your name. - It’s Elizabeth again, probably came out due to Austin’s shout. - Austin seems happy with you, but if you stick to him, well, try to make him a little less of a… delinquent?

The lockpicking stuff, huh? I first saw it when I caught him invading the old building at school. For some reason it’s not used and always locked, but I saw him picking the lock from the back exit while having lunch nearby. Wonder what that is about.

- He seems to be trying to sort me out first. - I say, somewhat joking.

- That’s what I’m afraid of. - She says.

It was a bit late to be getting home, but the diner was the opposite direction to the metro, so it was a bit of a trip.

- Hey, Sunny. Where were you? I was worried when I arrived and you weren’t home. - Mom was on the sofa, seemingly waiting.

- Oh, sorry mom, I was out with a … - What do I call him? - Friend?

- Why the question tone? Well, come here, where’s my big hug? - She says, walking towards me with stretched out arms.

Ahh, home. Well, home faraway from home, pun intended. I don’t think I’ll ever feel truly home away from Faraway, but that place isn’t for me anymore. I made one too many mistakes, so I’ll just love the memories instead I guess. They were quite clear about how they felt about everything.

Mom’s already lit the candle for Mari today. I’ll go over there soon and say my prayers, just a quick talk with mom first. I break our affectionate hug.

- Sorry for getting home so late, I should’ve arrived sooner so I could make the rice. - I say, apologetic. I should’ve sped up Austin’s whole discourse, but it’s important to him. I have tact, differently from some.

- It’s okay son, I’m happy you were out with a friend. We should go buy your phone soon, so we could notify each other of such things.

Oh, we had the same thought! 

- I was thinking the same thing. When do you get a break from work?

- Sunday is… fine? Sorry Sunny, mom’s been busy, huh? I’ll check my work table but Sunday should be fine.

She leaves the living room quickly, going towards her bedroom. I wish she was able to have a bit more rest but hospital jobs are like that, it seems. I worry about Hero, but he’s focusing on the mental side of things, I believe. Maybe there’s a difference, I’m not sure.

Well, as usual, I walk towards the candle and the flower, leaving my daily wish.

“My thoughts will follow you into your dreams.”

Chapter Text

With the truth revealed, a weight is removed from my shoulders. While guilt still stands, the truth is now open and no longer haunting us. I look at Basil in the hospital bed and give him a weak smile, alleviated. He responds with one much the same.

However...

- What do you mean, Sunny? You didn’t do that, right? - Kel speaks, still processing the information.

Aubrey seems shell-shocked, unable to say a word. But, worse…

- Sunny, stop kidding with me! - Hero walks forward, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt. - You can not be telling the truth right now. I… YOU ARE JOKING… right?

Hero’s grip on my shirt is strong enough that I couldn’t escape, well, if I tried. I couldn’t muster an answer so I stayed silent.

- Your face… you aren’t kidding. You, YOU KILLED HER?

- Wait, Hero don’t shout. But why… - Kel looks back at the bed, at Basil - why would you guys do that? You didn’t have to… - He tries to speak, but is interrupted.

- YOU HUNG YOUR SISTER SUNNY. All this time I wondered, why, why would she do that? You have no idea how many books, classes, seminaries, everything I did to understand her, NO IDEA. I’m studying so hard to help others like her, only to know that IT WAS ALL A LIE! Right now, I could’ve been with… her. - Hero starts crying, unable to hold onto his emotions.

For a brief moment, Hero releases his grip on me. Hands shaking, he looks at me in the eyes, and pushes. I fall on the ground, offering no resistance.

So this is what it’s like.

In this moment of silence, caught up in Hero’s turmoil, I only briefly caught a glance at Aubrey, running out the room, with what seemed like tears in her eyes, but it was too quick, hard to see.

- Wait! Aubrey, please! - Kel goes to the door. - We need to… I need to understand, why? - He says, turning back at me.

- Yes, why Sunny? Why did you hang her,  why did you two - he says, looking back at Basil in the bed, as he hides in the sheets - do such a thing? I… you know the worst thing, Sunny, Basil? Had you called help, told the truth and she still died, never hid any of this?

As he begins the sentence, the hospital's maddening white walls begin turning black, as if shadows have crept up around us.

- I still wouldn’t forgive you. - Hero says.

Wait, no, no that’s not what he…

- I hate you. I hate you so much. I loved her, loved her almost as much as I hate you, but you took it all away. The saddest part? She loved you. She wouldn’t stop gushing about you, you were her most precious thing in the world. And now, ha, it’s all gone isn’t it?

His face now a blank slate. No eyes, no mouth, no nose, nothing. Looking around, all I see is black and them, faceless.

- You know what? You’re dead to me, Sunny. Never, ever, talk to me again or step foot in Faraway.

The voice, now more than just Hero, but with Kel and Aubrey, now part of a harmony, continue.

- You are sick. You are hopelessly sick. You are less than human. You shouldn’t have the right to experience the life you took from her. You shouldn’t speak, for now she remains in eternal silence.

My mouth stays shut as I try to shout and scream.

- You shouldn’t hear, as her songs no longer grace us either.

The beeps of machinery and ambience from the hospital drown out into nothingness.

- Most of all, you shouldn’t see, for you took the lights out of her eyes. Well, there you’ve done a good job already, let me just finish it.

Hero’s hand comes at my eye, as the whole place becomes pitch black.

I begin to jerk around, laying on my back at the ground, trying to get away.

Until I hit the lamp beside my bed and turn on the lights.

A nightmare.

I quickly go to the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. “Everything is okay, I’m safe.” I repeat over and over in my mind, as I stare at the eyepatch wearing figure in the mirror.

That same nightmare again, it’s getting more and more distorted, I can’t quite remember how that day went anymore.

Looking at the clock, 3:34. Way too early, but I doubt I’ll be able to sleep again. Sweet dreams, even less.

Washing my eyepatch, all I can think is that maybe this is the price I pay for my sins. Eye for an eye, as they say. It’s as if one eye is living in today and another in the past, every now and then, I see the scenes of that night through my right eye, as if it were forever stuck that day. Looking into the empty socket in the mirror, I can still see the specter of it, the missing part of me.

I shouldn’t tell mom about it, I’ve had my fill of hospitals.

The bell rings and the usual flurry of movement and sound as everyone begins to leave the class starts once more all around the room. On many most days I would be taking a straight path for the exits of the school, trying to leave this bothersome place behind me for the sweet silence and relaxation of home, but Austin had already notified me to meet him.

“Yo Sunshine! got U a favor witha friend. C U at the yard after class!” Said the weird message from the boy. Is this how people text, really?

I got the phone a few days ago, but my number of contacts had quickly risen to 3. Mom, Austin and Josefina, our neighbour. She’s a nice older lady that I met the other day, helping her carry the groceries. She told me she had recently gotten a phone to talk to her daughter and I told her I had gotten one for a similar purpose as well. We ended up swapping contacts in case we needed each other's help, but I doubt she remembers anymore.

She was quite interested in talking to me about her niece and how it’d be nice for her to meet an “nice and upstanding boy” like me. I think there’s better things than a scrawny cyclops, however.

Reaching the yard, I see Austin messing around with his phone while sitting on a bench. As I reach closer, my phone makes a sound, startling me and Austin.

- Oh what? - Austin says, looking at me - C’mon, don’t just walk up quietly, I was wondering when you’d come. What took you so long?

- Nothing, just walking calmly. - I respond, a bit tired. That lack of sleep is catching up on me.

- You know, the more I talk to you, the more it seems you talk all pretty to hide the lack of thinking in that head of yours. - Rude. - Well, let’s get going, I’m gonna get yelled at for being late. Well, she should just learn to calm down sometimes.

That takes me back. I remember we didn’t really have any issues if anyone came late, but Aubrey and Kel had arguments like clockwork with each other if one arrived even a second later than arranged. Well, they bickered about anything back then anyways.

Aubrey, huh? I wonder how Aubrey is nowadays. Better than with me around, that’s for sure. Last time we saw each other I made her cry, great work Sunny!

Well, I think I did. The memories of that day, I’m starting to lose myself between the facts and the hallucinations.

I’m fine.

- …unny? Earth to Sunny? - Austin says, waving his hand in front of my eyes as I blink myself awake from my thoughts and look back at him. - You know, it’s really mean to just zone out on me. Well, I tried to prep you, but now we’re here, so good luck.

He says, as we stand in front of the gymnasium entrance. Oh no. Not here.

He walks on in, so I have to follow suit in order to dissuade him. Exercise, well it was never quite my jam to be quite frank.

- Hey, Austin, what exactly are we doing here? - I say as Austin seems distracted, searching for someone.

As I start looking around as well, my fears seem to be confirmed. It seems to be the basketball team training, a bunch of people running around with sweat from head to toe. I’m starting to get worried for Austin’s vision, because there is no way someone with my physique should even consider being here.

While my thoughts meander, a tall boy walks towards us.

- What's up Austin? Looking for something? - The tall boy speaks.

Taking a closer look, maybe tall is an understatement. He seems to be more than a whole foot taller than me, with a well built body to accompany.

- Hey Jalen, looking for Kat, you seen her?

- I think she’s over at the storage room, I’ll go with you. But, who’s this? - The boy says, wiping the sweat from his brow.

- A friend, well, let’s hurry up since I’m late and I’ll introduce you all there. - Austin says, walking along, in a bit of a hurry.

I follow him with Jalen coming right behind as well. We soon arrive at the storage room, just as the door opens, revealing a girl, whose expression quickly sours.

- Oh, haha, hey Kat! I was looking for… - Austin says before being interrupted.

- 26 minutes. - The girl, who apparently is the friend he was telling me about, says in an aggressive tone.

- What?

- You were supposed to be here 26 minutes ago. Does my time mean nothing to you?

She says, walking up to him as he backs up, arms in the air.

- Hey, hey it’s not my fault, Sunny here was late, I couldn’t come without the guest of honour could I now?

Trying to put the blame on me now. Spineless.

- Is that so?  - She says, turning to me. - Well then, Sunny,  what’s your excuse?

- I wasn’t aware we had a time arranged. - I say, truthfully.

- Good enough for me. Jalen, hold him down, time for the death penalty.

Following the tall lady’s orders, Jalen quickly holds Austin’s shoulders, keeping him in place.

As the girl pinches Austin’s cheeks, the apparent “death penalty”, old memories of Faraway come to mind.

For a while, all memories held a melancholic feeling to them, well, they may still hold it, but nowadays, I learnt to value the good things for their worth.

- Good to see my suffering was enjoyable for someone at least, Sunny. Rare to see you smile, you should do it more. - Austin says as he is released by the gentle giant.

A smile must’ve escaped me. While I know it might not be healthy, I developed a weird sense of pride in my lack of expression so his comment comes out with a slight taste of defeat.

- Don’t worry, it was enjoyable for all of us. - Jalen comments.

We all stare at each other for a second, before sense, or a semblance of it perhaps, reaches Austin.

- Oh, yes, introductions! Sorry, forgot. - Austin says as comes closer to me. - This is Sunny, a snarky little boy from the boonies who I’ve become fast friends with. - Faraway isn’t that desolate or faraway … Okay I see the irony. - And now you guys! This giant is Jalen, the hulking mass of the basketball team. Think of him as a discount Ben Wallace. - Not sure who that is. - As for the aggressive little lady, this is Katherine, or Kat as I call her. She is the basketball team assistant… I think? Anyways, she’s basically a physio, if you think there’s anything girly in that head of hers, bid those thoughts goodbye, this one only thinks of muscles an…

- Shut up, Austin, I’ve had it with your blabbering. - Katherine says as she pushes the boy. - Name’s Katherine Walker, nice to meet you Sunny.

- Sunny Suzuki, nice to meet as well. 

As I shake hands with the girl, I see a bracelet hang from her pulse with two flags. A British flag and another, which I don’t recognize.

- Hi, I’m Jalen Baker, pleasure to meet you.

- Sunny Suzuki, pleasure’s mine.

Meeting new people always makes me somewhat uncomfortable. Mari used to help me and support me, but all good things come to an end.

- And Austin. - Jalen turns around talking. -I know you probably said that Ben Wallace thing as an insult, but I’ll have you know he’s an amazing player and that Pistons team can win it all again. Also, I can hit my free throws all right.

That is NBA talk… I guess. Kel would be having fun. He tried to get me into it all when we were young, to no avail in the end.

- Ugh, don’t listen to them. - Kat says, calling my attention over. - So, Austin called for my help to get you in shape and… well you need it. - So that’s what all of this is about. He should be less meddling. - So, I need to know first, you drink, smoke, do any drugs?

- What? No, no, I don’t. - Where did she get that from?

- Yeah, you don’t look like it, just had to make sure. So, any exercise, routine, anything that moves you around?

-... the school commute?

- Yeah, he doesn’t do much of anything. - Austin says, coming back to us.

- Okay, what’s your budget?

- What do you mean?

- You can’t just exercise to increase your health, you have to look into your diet too. Food ain’t free and I sure as hell ain’t cooking for a kid I never met before, no hard feelings, so I need to know how much you are willing to spend and what potential allergies and such you have.

- Oh sure. - I’m surprised at why she’s putting so much effort into this. I mean, I get that Austin called in a favor but, she didn’t need to put this much work into it and I doubt he’d care.

We keep on talking about my exercise and dietary routine, while the boys go play a bit of one on one.

It didn’t end well for Austin.

At some point, me and Katherine ended most of our planning and exchanged numbers.

- So I’ll send you messages once in a while to check on your progress and to send you recipes of cheap foods that fit in your diet. - Katherine says, as she points to her phone with my contact placed.

Her phone seems to follow her British interest, with a little trinket of a Union Jack hanging and a few photos of British bands on the phone case such as The Clash and The Who.

Along with the bracelet, she seems at least very interested in the British. There is also that flag which I don’t recognize, maybe a county flag? It’s cool, it’s rare for flags to use purple and an axe is a very appealing symbol.

- Sorry, it’s a bit of conversation, what’s the flag on the bracelet?

And for a moment, in the place of the relaxedness and playfulness I saw in her eyes, it was all replaced by caution and fear.

- Why do you ask? - She says, putting her hand atop her pulse.

- Oh, sorry it’s just…- I didn’t mean to scare her. I don’t quite understand, is it a touchy topic?

- Hey, what’s going on, you good Kat? - Jalen comes up, probably after noticing Katherine becoming uncomfortable.

- Oh, it’s nothing, he just asked about the flag. I’ll tell him. - She says, regathering her posture.

- You sure? We don’t know him well though.

- I’m sure, that’s why I put it there. Also, it’s not like it’s a secret, whole school knows at this point. Sunny, this is a lesbian flag.

Oh.

I see. I can see why I made her uncomfortable now. It’s a nice flag.

I can see the two of them looking at me waiting for a reaction. I’m not really sure what to say.

- That’s nice. Cool flag. - I say awkwardly, as I give them a shy thumbs up.

That seemed to disarm the two.

I remember a long time ago when I saw TV coverage of a pride march with my family, I think it was the first time I learned about it. Father had some… distasteful comments, mom told us to ignore him. I remember Mari told me I could always tell her anything and that she’d always love me. I didn’t get the implications back then.

- What’s y'all talking about? - Austin comes back, full of sweat.

- Nothing major, don’t worry about it. You guys can go back to playing, I’ll just finish things up with Sunny. - She says, brushing the two away. Jalen stands for a second, in some sort of silent communication with Katherine, but continues to walk away after a moment. I thought we were about finished, but maybe there is something else she wants to add.

- Sure thing Boss. - Jalen says, before turning to Austin. - Horse?

They go out, leaving me and Kat behind.

A small moment of silence follows as we try to think of how to get back to conversation.

- Sorry for asking out of the blue, I saw the British flag and thought it was a county flag or such.

She lets out a little laugh before speaking.

- Oh no, I just wanted to have a little bracelet to give me strength of my identity. My parents are British immigrants. And as for the flag, well let’s say some people aren’t that nice. So I wanted something to stand strong, you know.

I nod and a small silence follows again. I’ve always been quite bad in maintaining conversation, listening was always a more comfortable position. Thankfully my friends were all very talkative so I didn’t have many issues, but I shouldn’t have taken it all for granted.

- Well your surname is Suzuki, right? - She starts up the conversation again as I nod - Are your parents immigrants as well?

- No, I’m Sansei. - As I say that, Kat looks at me with confusion. -  My grandparents were immigrants but my parents were born here.

- I see. - She says, before looking out and nodding to herself. - Well, I think that’s about it. Remember to try going out on a run everyday and do some calisthenic exercises as well, I’ll send you a routine later.

She says as she starts to walk out. But I quickly reach out to her as I had one last question.

- Sorry, I just had one last question hammering my mind. - I say as she turns around to face me - Why are you trying this hard? We don’t know each other and this seems like an awful lot of work.

She looks to the side thinking. It seems she has a habit of looking off to the distance while collecting her thoughts.

- Well, Austin asked me a favor to help you out and while he might have a pile of problems on him, he is always dependable so it’s nice to have him owe me a favor whenever I need it. - She says while looking at him playing with Jalen. - We’ve all known each other since we were kids, so it’s nice to help each other out, you know? Regardless, when I get a task, I like to have it well done, and you seem a nice enough boy to help out.

She has a subtle smile on her face as she says that. Maybe reminiscing about those old times. I do it too, maybe too much for my own sake. 

I know I’ll never see them again. Never step foot on that town again. The memories, forever just that, memories.

- But, - She says, looking back at me - it’s also good to know who’s this new friend of his. All in all, you seem to pass the test. Just look out for him, he may seem fine but he’s got his own demons afflicting him, alright?

The sun going down, the city seems to become even more rushed. People walking around from one corner to another, in constant movement from seemingly all directions as if in the midst of a storm. With time I’m getting more used to this but at first it was quite the shock, the vast difference from the mostly idle life from back home. Well, “Home”.

- Yo, Sunny, you going the wrong way! - Austin calls out, breaking my trance.

- Sorry.

- You gotta pay more attention, you get way too distracted walking around. What are you thinking about?

- Nothing much.

I’d rather not talk much about my time in Faraway. It’s all stuck in the past. I've got to look forwards now, my life in the city, with new people, new places and new things to do.

That’s what mom wishes for us.

- I see… - Austin responds, trying to keep the conversation alive. - So, how was it with Kat and Jalen? Well, with Kat mostly, you ended up not spending a lot of time with Jalen, huh? Well, there’s going to be other times, I guess.

- It was nice. - She was nice to talk to, she didn’t treat me differently due to the eyepatch so that was pretty refreshing. A new number for my phone, makes it feel a little less of a pointless purchase for its price so that’s nice as well.

- That’s good, hope you get along well with them. I’ve known them since we… damn since we were like 6 or something. - He says, while checking the upcoming traffic before crossing the road.

- Actually, I have a question. - I say, as he makes a motion with his head for me to continue. - Why are you doing all of this for me?

- What do you mean? - Austin responds.

- Well, spending all this time with me, asking favors of your friends for my sake, trying to help me make new friends. Why?

It doesn’t make sense. A while ago I barely talked to him and tried to brush him off, and he’s doing all this work for me.

I’m not a good person, I don’t deserve all of this.

- Well, we’re friends ain’t we? I want to help my friends out, it doesn’t matter if it’s light or hard work.

Makes sense. If it wasn’t for a detail.

- Then why were you so invested in me well before we were friends? - I say as a small smile creeps up on his face.

He stops walking for a moment, taking a look at the atmosphere around us. Besides us is a big tree with orange leaves filling the floor, as they contrast to the blues and grays of the city and the flashing lights of the cars passing on the streets. A reddish haze fills the sky as the sun sets.

- Well, looking at you, the way you acted, it reminded me of my past, you know? - Austin says, looking to the horizon. - There was just something about it, call it a gut feeling maybe, but I knew I wanted to talk to you. And now, well I want you to start loving yourself, loving life.

The boy then starts walking again, as if that answer satisfied my question.

- So that’s why you got me on a workout routine?

- You gotta take care of that body somehow. - He says, letting out a small laugh.

The rest of the way home was mostly quiet, with the sounds of the city and the views of dusk taking over. After a while, we went our separate ways, and I went the rest of the way alone, with the events of today hammering in my mind.

Loving myself huh. I find it hard that I could love this… the nightmare of this morning starts to pass over my mind again.

“You are sick. You are hopelessly sick. You are less than human.”

To love that, huh.

I guess I could try.