Chapter Text
At one point, 2D stopped coming out of his room. He kept a bunch of snacks just to avoid leaving- he wanted to avoid Murdoc and his rage as much as he could.
He had been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. He hadn't had many episodes, but they were awful, especially since he didn't tell anyone about it.
He was a grown man, he was responsible for himself. If he couldn't defend himself, that was his problem. If he couldn't properly feed himself, that was still his problem.
Nobody was going to help him. They didn't need to. He should have been able to help himself. Again, he was almost 40.
He hugged his knees to his chest. He missed Noodle, but he just couldn't go back out. He knew Murdoc would find something to hit him over.
There was a knock on his door. He froze and didn't respond. Was it Murdoc? God, he couldn't have even done anything this time.
"Dee?" oh. It was just Noodle. That was... a lot better, but she sounded sad. Was she upset? Did something happen?
"Yeah?" he asked, opening the door to let her in. She looked absolutely devastated. He sat back on his bed, leaning against the frame.
"Why haven't you been out lately? I miss you," she asked, sitting right next to him. He wrapped an arm around her. The action came naturally to him- he'd done it countless times.
"Sorry, bud. Haven't been sleeping well," 2D lied. He knew she'd understand if he told her the truth, but he really didn't want to. She was just a kid.
"Are you mad at me?" she asked after a moment. She was never this emotional, but again, she sounded devastated.
"What? No, where'd ya get that idea?!" he asked, ruffling her hair. She waved his hands away, sticking her tongue out before remembering what was happening.
"I just wanted to make sure it wasn't my fault..." she looked down, kicking her feet, since they didn't even reach the ground.
"Nah, it's not your fault, kiddo, promise. Christ, you should've told me you felt like this sooner. I've just been in a bad mood lately," 2D hugged her tightly. She rested her head on his shoulder.
"Oh," she mumbled, seeming to relish the hug, "...can you come out? Russell's been wanting you to come out for a while. He said he needs to talk to you."
2D tensed but nodded, "Yeah, yeah. I'll come out."
He stood up, letting her grab his hand. Her hand was so small, it was genuinely adorable.
He kept a look out for Murdoc. He knew it was insane, the guy wasn't that bad. It was just... a few punches, every now and then.
He was being dramatic. He'd handled him just fine for years! He'd learned how to avoid triggering him. Not that that always helped, but...
"Hey, 2D," Russel called out, crossing his arms, "Can we talk outside?"
2D gulped but nodded and shakily followed him, "I'm not gonna yell at you, man. Why are you shaking like that?"
"Shaking? I'm- I'm not shaking," 2D said, genuinely believing it. He looked down at his legs and realized, "...oh."
"It's been three days since you left your room. Did Murdoc do something to you again?" Russel asked. 2D rapidly shook his head.
"No, no, I mean- yeah, but- not really?" 2D scratched his neck and looked down after seeing his friend's disapproving stare.
He sat down to explain, "It's crazy, I know, it's been a while since he's done anything. He's been in a better mood lately, if you've noticed.
But, um, I've just... been a bit scared of him lately, like I said, it's, um, it's rather dumb. Irrational. Just, uh, afraid of what he'll do to me."
Russel sat down next to him, resting his hand on 2D's shoulder, "You should stand up to him. He's an asshole. You shouldn't tolerate him."
"I know, but I'm scared. That's so dumb, I'm a grown adult, I shouldn't be scared of my fuckin' bassist," he realized, hugging his knees to his chest.
"He ran you over, Dee, twice! You have memory issues because of the brain injuries he's given you. Shit, man, I love you," Russel hugged him with a sad frown.
2D tensed momentarily, before hugging him back tightly. He didn't realize how badly he had needed to be hugged, "I love you too, man.
Do you, um, know where Murdoc is now, perchance?"
"Think he's at a bar."
"It's 10 AM," not even he would stop by a bar at 10 AM, but Murdoc was Murdoc, he supposed, though it was still strange.
Russel laughed, "Right? But it's not really a bad thing, if he's got you feeling like this all the time. You deserve to feel safe in your home."
"It's really not that bad, y'know? It's normal to be scared," his friend stared at him like he was crazy, which... did not help him at all.
"Yeah, if you're skydiving, maybe, but you're not skydiving, you live here," he made Dee lean against him.
"I really don't mind!" he promised, even though it was a lie. Nothing wrong with a small, white lie, was what he constantly told himself.
"You're a really bad liar, Dee," Russel shook his head, "Anyone would feel like shit if they went through what you're going through. They'd probably kill themselves, actually."
2D couldn't say he'd never considered it. He especially couldn't say he didn't sleep with a gun under his pillow and had a rope in his dresser.
"Shit, I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry," he instantly apologized, knowing it was totally out of pocket to say that.
"It's fine, um... I get it," he felt so uncomfortable, he curled up closer to the man, he was never quite this clingy, really.
"What do you mean by that, 2D?" Russel questioned, suddenly feeling light headed. If he was right, he wasn't sure whether or not he was glad he made that comment.
"Nothing, nothing, I wouldn't, um, do it, y'know, I just think about it sometimes," he didn't know why he watered it down. He knew Russel would still worry for him.
He was seriously underexaggerating, though. He often times fantasized about writing a note that said, 'MURDOC'S FAULT', before blowing his brains out.
He tensed at the thought, taking out a cigarette and lighting it, taking a puff. The thought was terrifying. Why was he thinking about blaming Murdoc?
He wouldn't actually kill himself either. He wouldn't do that to Noodle. She was too young to lose someone close to her.
"D... shit, I don't know what to say. We can get you a therapist, whatever you need, man," Russel uncomfortably offered.
"Nah, man, 'm good. Really," 2D assured. He asked himself why he admitted to thinking about it, obviously Russel would ask questions.
Russel didn't say anything but pulled 2D into an extremely tight hug, "Russel- I can't breathe, let go of me, mate-"
Russel loosened his grip but didn't entirely let go, much to 2D's displeasure. Russel eventually saw he was uncomfortable and let go.
2D scootched a bit further away from Russel, "...sorry."
"What for?"
"Just... puttin' all this on ya. My mental health isn't your problem," he mumbled, twiddling his his fingers anxiously. Russel pat his shoulder.
"No, I'm your friend, Dee. You need someone, everyone does."
"That's stupid. You never talk about your feelings to anyone."
"I've got a therapist. Even Noodle has a therapist. You need a therapist and a friend," 2D listened. Maybe he had a point. He didn't want to feel this way forever, but it felt like it would never end.
"Do you wanna think and go on a walk with me?" Russel asked. 2D nodded- they always went on walks, especially when Murdoc was in a bad mood.
2D nodded and smiled, standing up and cracking his back. He walked next to Russel in silence. They never talked much on their walks, but it was still really nice.
They walked for around half an hour before deciding to start heading back. Russel was getting tired and 2D missed Noodle and wanted to talk to her.
When they got home, Murdoc was still gone. Noodle hugged 2D and smiled. He spun her around, knowing she enjoyed it when he did it.
"I missed you, Dee!" she exclaimed, clinging onto him, which was unusual for her. She was never that physical- she really missed him, apparently.
"I missed you too, Noodle," he smiled and sat on the couch. He forgot how nice just moving around and talking for a bit was.