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Little Izumi was in his arms. The week-old had been the focus of his past week since his wife went into labor. With Suki still recovering, he and Sokka had been on dad duty. Except he felt sad, a longing. His days were filled with newborn cuddles, his darling daughter now the center of the Fire Lord's world. He felt empty. Zuko needed to feel like himself again. He thought back to his hair, which his husband had braided for him this morning. His hairstyle had as a teen was a mostly bald head with a small amount of hair pulled into a ponytail. He remembered shaving it as a symbolic gesture to not being connected to the Fire Nation while on the run, except as a fire lord.
Zuko looked down towards Izumi, “I promise I’ll be the best father I can be, you're so loved, baby. I love you. Your Mama loves you, your Papa loves you. We’ve wanted you for so long, our sweetheart.” Zuko kissed his daughter’s forehead, and she smiled. His heart melted; his baby was growing up so much. Suki’s labor had been grueling, three days of intense pain, with him not being able to help. He was able to help with contraction pains from being warm. Except he felt useless, Sokka was the one who calmed her down and guided her, helped Suki breathe through each agonizing moment. He felt he felt Zuko loved Suki more than anything; she was his wife, and he loved Sokka more than anything. The three of them had been together for six years, married for three. Izumi was his angel in Suki’s words. So why was he so depressed? Why did he feel so useless and hopeless when his perfect princess kept him company?
Zuko was always the leader he always had been, leading his ship battalion when he was in exile, leading the Fire Nation, helping Sokka lead the Gaang. When Sokka took over helping Suki through her labor, he felt threatened. Like he didn’t matter, he needed to feel like himself again, and his old haircut kept returning to his mind. “You okay, babe? You got this look that’s freaking me out. You’ve been quiet since Izumi was born.” Sokka and Zuko looked up to see him holding a bottle that he had just been cleaned. His husband’s face echoed worry, Sokka had been on edge since there wife had Izumi. “I want my old haircut.” Zuko watched his husband’s jaw drop. “WHAT?! You’ve been growing it out for so long— Decades at this point. You want it short, the whole swept hair you had back when we were older teens?” Zuko shakes his head, surprised by his husband's shock. “No my ponytail.” The staff could likely hear Sokka’s gasp throughout the palace.
“The REFLECTIVE ONE?! The one with the bald head and the diamond of hair?! Zuko, please, no, please don’t do this! It was awful on you!” Zuko sighed and began rocking Izumi, who’d started to fuss at her father's sheer panic. “I cut it off as a symbolic way of cutting my ties with the fire nation. I’ve been fire lord for fourteen years, Sokka. I’m comfortable with myself, but need to feel like myself again.” Sokka paused, tilting his head, “Like an angry, brooding teenager, who was trying to kill me? You tried to kill me in that haircut, remember?” Zuko sighs, “I wasn’t trying to kill you, I was trying to capture Aang to restore-“Sokka groaned, “your honor and gain back your father’s love. I know.” Sokka sat before him, “Come cuddle with Suki and me? She’s having a hard time today and is worried about you.” Zuko shakes his head, “If I move, she cries.” Sokka rubbed Zuko’s knee, “You know, babies do that? Is she napping?”
Zuko looks down and says, “No, she’s been staring me down for the past hour.” Sokka laughs; he loves his laugh. “Can I hold her?” Zuko’s grip tightens around Izumi instinctively. Sokka noticed, “Hey, Sparky, what’s that matter?” Zuko felt his breathing get shallower, “I’m going to take the baby, okay? You’re freaking out. Breathe Zuko. You’re okay, Izumi’s okay, Suki’s okay.” Sokka tried to take the baby from him, but Zuko’s grip didn’t loosen. Sokka pulled up a chair. “Zuko hunny, talk to me, you’re scaring me.” Zuko’s hands shook slightly with his nerves. His daughter looked at him like bro, wtf man, Sokka picked Izumi up from his arms. She wailed immediately. Zuko’s eyes snapped up. “Hey, now, sweetheart. Your daddy needs a breather; you're safe with me. I know, I know he’s warm.” Zuko laughed at that, and Sokka looked at him worriedly. “I’m pretty sure she only likes me because I can be a personal heat source.” Sokka’s face fell, “You're not joking, aren’t you?” Zuko shakes his head. “Why do you want that insanely reflective hairstyle? Tell me again?” He saw Suki in the doorway to the nursery. Zuko stood up and crossed the carpeted floor before Suki could sway.
“Zuko, your grip on my arm.” He loosened it. “Sorry.” Suki cupped his cheek, “Don’t apologize. Look, Sokka and I are worried about you. You’ve been here but distant, what’s going on?” Suki tried to kiss him, but he pulled away, and her face fell. “Zuko, you never say no to Suki’s kisses; you want to cut your hair.” Suki looked at Zuko. “I don’t see anything wrong with that, Sokka.” Sokka shakes his head and says, “No, Suki, he had this hairstyle back when he was chasing me and Aang; it was a ponytail with a mostly bald head. He wants to shave his hair, which he’s been growing for decades.” Suki’s eyes widen, “Zuko, you love your long hair.” Zuko says, “I need to feel like myself again.” In unison, Suki and Sokka say “what?!” Plus, he could rock that hairstyle again. Suki reaches out to him, pulling him into a hug. Zuko relaxed, “Sokka, why don’t we put Izumi down for her nap? She looks tired, then get some tea going, then chat.” Sokka nods, then rocks Izumi to sleep. “Come on, Zu. let’s go sit outside for a bit, okay?”
The four of them moved to the balcony with Izumi now asleep in her bassinet. “I just don’t feel like myself.” Suki hummed in response, “I get it. When we found out I was pregnant with Izumi, I had to stop training as heavily as I was used to. Now that I’m on maternity leave, it feels weird. Not being as involved with the other warriors. I’m still finding myself as a mom. You’re doing the same, Zuko, so is Sokka.” Zuko sighs, “But you guys are so good at this, Suki, you’re a natural with her. She loves you, Sokka. You know how to calm Izumi down when she lets out a cry. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just lost.” Sokka gave him a side hug, resting his head on his shoulder. “I wasn’t always good at this, you know. Did I tell you about how I used to train the kids in the village for war? Yeesh, it was awful. I was okay at it eventually; it took practice. It’s not magic, Zuko, and I’m not saying you're a bad father because you're brilliant with her. You’ve been a dad for a week.” Suki nods, “I wasn’t the best teacher when I first became one. I was placed with the older students, the younger teens my age. I was good at teaching them, but when I became the leader of the warriors at fifteen, I was expected to teach some of the younger girls. On Kyoshi, we started training young people, mainly in balance and meditation, as well as foundational education, but Zuko, my first class, was a disaster. I had six five-year-olds sobbing.” Sokka laughed, and Zuko looked surprised at her,
“Seriously?!” Sokka asked, Suki nodded, “I almost quit that day too, not just being the leader, being a warrior altogether, because how could I lead if I couldn’t teach the youngest population of students?” Sokka nods, “Look, Zuko, what Suki and I are saying is you need to be easier on yourself. It’s hard, but you’ve only been a father for seven days. Plus, the only baby you held before Izumi was Bumi, and that was three months ago. You’re doing fine.” Zuko looked out at the palace gardens, where he couldn’t wait to take Izumi when she was old enough. The fire lord still felt like a horrible father, though, “Zuko.” Suki hugged him along with Sokka; he didn’t deserve them. “You are not your father. You’re not him, you’re not Ozai.” Suki could always read him like an open scroll; he felt a wave of relief off his chest. “You’re a good dad, and if you need to find yourself a bit. Okay, Suki and I are here to help. Plus, if you cut your hair into that awful diamond hairstyle, I couldn’t braid it, and I think you’d scare Izumi.” Zuko saw his wife glare at his husband, “Sokka! If he wants to cut his hair, he can, but I think you should wait. See how you feel in a week, try doing some paperwork work, or you and Sokka should spend time in the garden. I can handle Izumi. If you must, go to the area in front of the balcony, and we’ll stay here so Izumi and I are in eyesight. You’ll feel more like yourself if you fire bend a bit.”
Sokka nods excitedly, taking his hand. “Let’s get some sword practice in! I’ve been itching to get back to it. Maybe I’ll let you win.” Zuko gasps in fake offense, causing Suki to giggle. They hear a tiny baby sigh of contentment, as if letting her dad know she’ll be okay. Zuko laughs, moving to kiss Suki’s forehead, then Izumi’s. “I’ll be here reading my book. Go have fun, you two, you’ve earned it.”
Zuko followed Sokka into his office. He couldn’t help but smile at how giddy his husband was. He was handed his dual swords, and Sokka grabbed his space sword. “Race you out to the garden, loser.” Sokka took off into a run. “Hey, not fair!” Zuko followed after him, and Sokka beat him outside, though his husband was panting a bit. Zuko used the opportunity to catch him off guard, but his husband’s quick reflexes haven’t weakened; the sound of their swords filled the garden. “We should teach her how to do this someday.” Zuko nods excitedly at the thought of teaching Izumi the art of sword fighting, something he’d always excelled in. “I can’t wait.”