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“This is the longest shift of my life,” Buck groans, dragging his feet to slouch over onto the counter beside Eddie where he’s pouring two mugs of coffee. “That second one for me?”
“No, it’s for the other guy giving me puppy dog eyes while half asleep on the counter beside me,” Eddie answers sarcastically.
Buck smiles and asks, “Can you put-“
“Caramel syrup, I know,” Eddie says, turning and grabbing the bottle off the top of the fridge.
“How’d you know?” Buck asks in a soft tone, pushing off the counter.
“Almost like you’re my best friend and I’ve known you for eight years,” Eddie says, squeezing caramel syrup into Buck’s already overly sweet coffee. He slides it over to Buck with a smile. “All yours.”
Buck sends him a grateful look but as he’s raising the mug to his lips, the tones of the bell ring out through the station. Buck groans, taking huge gulps of his coffee and wincing at the scalding heat of it. “Fuck. I need coffee more than ever.”
“I’ll make you some fresh when we get back,” Eddie tells him as they race down the stairs.
Eddie and Buck jump out of the truck one by one, looking up at the collapsing building. They linger for a moment and Eddie asks, “Didn’t we close this building off two weeks ago?”
“Yeah, their foundation was shot,” Buck says, tugging on his gloves. “We told them it would end up collapsing and yet…”
“They’re gonna face a huge fine and probably get sued if anyone was hurt,” Eddie finishes, shaking his head. “Cap! Where do you need us?”
Bobby’s walking over from talking to the manager of the restaurant, looking positively pissed off. “Hen, Chim! Take care of the injured.”
Buck looks to Bobby, eyebrows raised as they wait for instructions. Bobby sighs and says, “They think people may be in the walk-in freezer downstairs.”
“Forgot this was an insane smorgasbord of a building,” Buck says with a groan. “I mean, seriously, a three story restaurant?”
“Listen, in and out, you hear me?” Bobby says, looking at both of them seriously. “This building is coming down and fast. So you go in, clear the basement and then get out.”
Eddie nods, securing his helmet and then nudging Buck’s shoulders. “Let’s do it.”
“In and out,” Buck says, nodding as he clips his helmet on.
Buck pulls the walk in door open, shivering at the cool air that blasts out at them. “So glad I never worked in the restaurant business for long. These things freak me out.”
Eddie laughs as they walk in, the door closing behind them. “There’s a lot of safety precautions that prevent you from actually getting stuck in here.”
“That doesn’t keep me from being freaked out,” Buck states and then calls out, “LAFD! Anybody in here?”
Eddie moves further back in case anybody fell down when the first shakes of the collapse happened. “LAFD! Anybody back here?”
“I think they all got out,” Buck says, moving back to where Eddie is. “Seems all clear.”
“Buckley, Diaz, make your exit now and quick,” Bobby says over the radio.
“Let’s get out of here, being in here gives me the creeps,” Buck says, burrowing into his turn out coat.
“Aw, is the Pennsylvania boy cold?” Eddie teases as they start walking to the freezer door.
“It’s negative eighteen degrees in here,” Buck says in a begrudging tone. “Of course I’m cold!”
Eddie parts his lips to tell Buck they’re leaving right now and then the building shakes and he stumbles into Buck, sending them both into a shelf holding pans of cheese.
After the shelves stop shaking, Eddie pulls himself off the shelf where he’d been in an awkward position with Buck’s hand pressed into his jaw.
Buck draws a breath and says, “Eddie. Please tell me that door is gonna open.”
“Uh,” Eddie stammers, licking his cold lips and taking a step toward the door. “I’ll check. Tell the team we’re alive.”
Eddie makes his way to the door and tries to push it open but it doesn’t budge. He tries again, pushing his shoulder into it and putting all of his body weight into the push. “Buck..”
“No. No, it’s gonna open!” Buck says, coming over on tentative steps to where Eddie’s standing. “Both our full body weight against it will get it open, right?”
“We can try,” Eddie suggests, not feeling too confident in opening a door against an entire building collapsed around it.
They both try almost five times before Eddie says, “It’s okay. This is okay. The team will have us out in no time!”
“They said it’ll be a while before they can get to us because the entire building is on top of us!” Buck yells, starting to pace. “Hypothermia is gonna kill us! Or- Or carbon dioxide poisoning!”
“Then they’ll get the power shut off!” Eddie says, coming to place his hands on Buck’s shoulders to stop his pacing.
“The power company doesn’t know when they’ll be able to have someone out,” Buck says, swallowing hard. “I do not like being in here. Makes me feel like when my friends buried me under snow when I was five and they left me there to dig my way out.”
“We’re not gonna get hypothermia or carbon dioxide poisoning,” Eddie assures him. “I hate being in here just as much as you do but freaking out is gonna cause our probably limited oxygen to run out.”
“We should’ve brought our masks,” Buck says, running a hand down his face.
“They would’ve lasted maybe thirty minutes and then we’d be right back to limited oxygen,” Eddie tells him, drawing him over to an empty space of the freezer. “Now, let’s sit down and just wait.”
Eddie lasts five minutes pressed to Buck’s left side before he pushes his way under Buck’s arm, teeth chattering as he curls into Buck’s side. “How are you still producing body heat?”
Buck shrugs, his body tense as he pulls Eddie closer. “I’m a pretty big guy? Pennsylvania blood? Sheer will?”
“I’ll take it,” Eddie says, tucking his face into Buck’s neck. “You know what I’d kill for?”
Buck makes a questioning noise, his chin propped up on Eddie’s head. Eddie swallows hard and says, “Those pumpkin brownies you made last fall. The ones with the walnuts?”
“I’ll make ‘em for you when we get out of here,” Buck promises, the timber of his voice rattling through his throat against Eddie’s face. “Course it’s July so I don’t know if they’ll have pumpkin purée in the store.”
“You’ll find it, you’re good at that,” Eddie says, burrowing further into his turnout coat. “Doing the impossible.”
Buck smiles softly. “Speaking of… Chris has been hinting at wanting to go to Japan over his next spring break.”
“Don’t make me nauseous over finances when I’m this cold,” Eddie mumbles, wiggling his toes in his boots, wincing at the pain of them being so cold.
“I’ll go with you, help with the costs,” Buck says, his breath almost warm against Eddie’s ear. “Plus, I’ve always wanted to go to Japan. Would be better with you guys.”
Eddie nods, shivering. “This situation almost makes me miss Texas.”
Buck snorts, his arm tightening around Eddie’s waist. “You’re not going back to Texas. At least not without taking me with you.”
Eddie’s eyes prick with tears at the thought of them not making it out, of Chris being sent back to Texas without them in the midst of his grief. “I don’t- I don’t want Chris to go back there.”
“He won’t. He’s back and you guys are working it out,” Buck tells him in a soothing tone.
“No, I mean,” Eddie starts, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “I don’t want him to be shipped back to my parents if we die in here. You- You were my- You were supposed to be with him if I-“
“Shh,” Buck hushes him. “We’re going to get out of here. Don’t even think like that.”
Eddie’s never been good at thinking luck was on his side.
“That coffee you made me earlier would be so helpful right now,” Buck says, his voice shaking as his teeth chatter. “Should’ve tucked it in my pocket or something.”
“Hot shower,” Eddie mumbles, his body shaking. “You take those scalding showers that fill the bathroom with so much steam it’s like a sauna. That would be perfect right now.”
“Eddie,” Buck whispers, one hand tightening on Eddie’s hip. “We can’t even go straight home after this. The hospital will keep us overnight. ‘Member you after the well?”
Eddie groans, shaking his head. “Don’t wanna be in a hospital bed. Wanna be in my bed. With hot chocolate and fuzzy socks and three blankets.”
Buck makes a mmm sound. “Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.”
It’s quiet save the sound of the freezer’s fan going for a few minutes. “Buck. Ask them how long we have before we’re out.”
Buck hands are pale from the cold as he wrangles the radio out from under Eddie. “Do we have an ETA? Getting pretty cold down here.”
“Getting?” Eddie asks sarcastically. “I can’t feel any of my extremities. At least get the power off.”
Bobby’s voice comes in, “It’s proving a bit hard to get to you guys. Trying our best. The power company is going to get a foot in the-“
Bobby cuts off and then comes back, his voice thin and exhausted, “Trying our best with the power company. Chim’s ready to run straight into the power lines with the truck if need be.”
Buck throws his head back against the freezer door with a loud thud at Bobby’s update. Buck presses the radio button down again and says, “If he can do it without getting injured, we’d take it.”
Eddie turns his face into Buck’s chest and Buck smoothes a hand through his hair, hoping to offer a hint of comfort.
Eddie checks his watch and realizes they’ve been locked in here for almost an hour. He takes a steadying breath, knowing that they’re probably already at risk for frostbite and that, even with the heavy layers of turn outs, the hypothermia is catching up to them.
He jostles Buck as he sits up, reaching for his radio. Buck looks at him, his lips blue from the cold, and asks, “What’re you doing?”
Eddie switches the radio over to dispatch and asks, “Dispatch? Maddie?”
Buck shakes his head. “Don’t. We’re going to be fine. Don’t you dare say your goodbyes.”
Maddie’s voice comes a moment later, “Eddie. How are you guys holding up?”
Eddie holds Buck’s gaze as he talks into the radio again, “You were a nurse. You know the time limits on hypothermia. These calls are recorded, right?”
“Eddie. Don’t do this,” Buck says, his voice exhausted and his eyes wet with tears. “Don’t give up.”
“I can’t go without letting Chris know I love him,” Eddie says as Maddie confirms that the calls are recorded.
“Good. Get this to Chris if I- If we- Get this to Chris,” Eddie says, his hands shaking and his tears turning to crystals as they slide down his face. “Chris. Mijo. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m leaving you like this. You have to- You have to know it wasn’t my choice. I wish I could’ve stayed with you. But, y’know your Dad’s luck. I just- I love you. So much, kid. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t ever forget that, don’t ever stop believing that I loved you more than anything else in this world. I want you to live a good life. To still love Christmas and Halloween even if- even if Buck and I aren’t there to do it with you. Find someone who loves you with everything they have, who will make you s’mores on your birthday and- and travel the world with you. Just- Don’t lose that light inside of you, okay? I love you.”
He and Buck are both crying, forming lines of crystallized tears down their cheeks. Buck reaches out, tearing the radio from his hand to speak into it himself. “Chris. My favorite Diaz. You- You have to know how much I love you. How hard I fought to get your Dad home safe to you every day. I’m so sorry I couldn’t do it this time. If I could choose, he’d be out there with you. I love you, kid. So much. You- You were- You let me be a parent even if you didn’t know it. I’m so sorry, Chris.”
Buck pushes the radio back at Eddie, slumping back against the wall as he takes bracing breaths. Eddie speaks into the radio one more time, “Thanks, Maddie.”
Maddie’s voice is thick with tears as she says, “Anytime, boys.”
Eddie’s mind feels sluggish, like he’s about to pass out from exhaustion. But somehow, he’s still able to grasp how good it feels to be wrapped up in Buck’s arms. How he wishes he could do this all the time, stay wrapped up in Buck or wrap around Buck as a mirror image.
If Eddie got the chance to wrap Buck in his arms, he’d hold and hold and hold like a fucking cobra. Just squeeze him so tight. If he had any energy to do that right now, he would.
Maybe if… No. There’s no point in thinking of what if’s. They’re gonna die in here. It’s not Eddie’s first choice. No, he’d rather go when he’s 90 and grey haired and probably on oxygen with Buck by his side holding him just like this. Maybe they’d have a few grandkids, possibly even another kid if Buck would want that with him.
Would Buck want that with him? He never told Buck how he felt. He’ll never get a chance to know how good it could’ve been, loving Buck and having Buck love him right back. And oh, it would’ve been so good.
He has tell Buck now. Buck has to know how loved he is. How Eddie would do just about anything if Buck only asked it of him. “B-Buck.”
Eddie musters the strength to nudge his elbow against Buck’s ribs. “B-Buck.”
“‘M here,” Buck replies, one hand stroking Eddie’s frost covered hair.
“I have t-to tell you, before it’s too l-late,” Eddie starts and he knows Buck won’t fight him on this. Maybe he would’ve when they first got locked in but now, they’ve said their goodbye to Chris and came to terms with the inevitable end barreling towards them so Buck will let him say what he needs to say. “I love you. I’m i-in love with you.”
Buck’s breath hitched and he lets out a sigh. “I love you, too, Eds. S-S goddamn much.”
Eddie lets out a small sob. “W-W wasted s-so much time.”
“Oh, baby,” Buck whispers, his lips pressing kisses to Eddie’s hair. “You gave me the b-best eight years of my life, y’know that? You and C-Chris… B-Best ever.”
Eddie can feel his eyes growing heavier. “You’ll- F-find me in the- the next life?”
“Always, baby, always,” Buck tells him, stroking his hair softly. “Don’t go to sleep. J-Just stay here with me.”
Eddie tries so hard not to but the darkness overtakes his mind and he slips off, held by the only man he ever loved.
Buck’s so tired and he’s saying Eddie’s name over and over again, as if he can call him back to his body. As if he can resurrect him with just a mere mumble of his name.
He doesn’t know if Eddie only said he loves him because they’re on the brink of death or if Eddie really does love him. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever actually know or even how long he’ll have to wonder.
But then the freezer door is being wrenched open and the team is bursting in. He sits up, pushing Eddie up to a sitting position and holding him there.
“Buck,” Hen says, sinking to her knees beside.
“Eddie. Help Eddie first,” Buck says, his voice trembling and then Hen’s nodding, turning and helping Chin wrap a shock blanket around him.
Bobby’s hands are on him, trying to wrangle a shock blanket around his shoulders as well but Buck pushes him away, unable to let Eddie too far from his grasp. “Is he okay? He- He was only out for a minute.”
Chim turns firm eyes on him. “He’s alive. Now let Bobby and Ravi help you, now.”
Buck slumps back, seeing Eddie’s chest rise and fall as they load him onto a stretcher. His own eyes slip closed as Ravi helps Bobby get a shock blanket around him, both of them trying to get him to stay awake.
But Eddie’s alive and Buck’s so, so tired.
Eddie wakes up to the bright lights of a hospital room and there’s three blankets on him but somehow he’s still fucking cold.
He must groan or shift because Hen’s there then, holding his hands. “Hey, take it easy. You’re recovering from hypothermia and you have mild frostbite in two of your toes.”
Eddie blinks, feeling dazed. “Buck?”
“He’s in the next room,” Hen tells him, squeezing his hand. “You’re okay. We convinced Chris to go home with Karen and Denny around two in the morning. We’ve all been taking turns sitting with you and Buck.”
Eddie nods, still not sure if this is real. “Can you move me in with Buck?”
Hen studies him for a moment but then stands, pushing the lock of hair that’s falling in his eyes back. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Eddie’s half tempted to get out of bed and go to the next room when Hen leaves. Just to see Buck, to touch him, see for himself that Buck’s okay. That he’s still breathing and they still have time for a happy ending.
His foot is elevated, the foot he assumes has the frostbitten toes. He aches for a heated blanket but knows he won’t get it, the nurses would probably laugh at him, the medic, not knowing how hypothermia is meant to be treated.
Hen comes back with a doctor who asks him so many questions it makes his head spin. Any pain? Do you know how to keep up the treatment of frostbite at home? How’s your temperature feeling? Do we need to up the pain meds?
Finally, the doctor nods and says, “We can move you to Mr Buckley’s room but if he wakes and asks to be alone, we’ll move you back.”
Buck won’t ask to be alone. Eddie knows it like he knows the sky is blue. Just a concrete fact. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and Buck wants him around. Full stop.
They wheel his bed in and Eddie feels like his heart is in his fucking throat when he lays eyes on Buck. His lips aren’t blue anymore, back to that soft pink that Eddie wants to trace over and over again. Wants to color match it at a hardware store and paint his room that color if only to get to see it every time he wakes up.
They position him next to Buck but he’s too far away so he can’t touch, can’t hold Buck’s hand. That’s all he wants to do, just hold Buck’s hand and feel that he’s warm again.
The nurses leave the room and his voice is quiet as he asks, “Can you push me closer? Please. I need to- I need to hold his hand.”
Maddie and Bobby both stand and that’s when Eddie realizes the whole team is in there with them. If he’d not just been brought back from the brink of death, he might’ve felt a little embarrassed from begging to hold Buck’s hand like a five year old.
But he almost didn’t get a chance to do this and he doesn’t think the team will hold it over his head for needing reassurance that Buck is okay.
They push his bed closer and Eddie reaches out, sliding his hand into Buck’s. He’s not even aware he’s crying until his vision goes blurry and he blinks, the tears sliding down his face.
He falls asleep thanking whatever higher deity there is that Buck’s hand is warm and in his.
When Buck wakes up, his hand squeezes instinctively around someone else’s and it’s warm so he doesn’t want to pull away because he’s warm when he thought he’d be cold and in the ground.
He blinks awake, squinting against the blinding fluorescent lights. “Turn ‘em off.”
“Buck!” Maddie. Maddie’s here. “Bobby, can you-?”
The lights dim and he’s able to open his eyes without being blinded. He sees the whole team, including Ravi who’s asleep on the couch, surrounding his bed. He looks down at the hand in his and then slowly brings his gaze up to Eddie’s sleep softened face. “They put us in the same room?”
“Eddie asked to be in here,” Hen informs him, a smile evident in her voice.
Maddie’s hand soothes his hair back and Buck flinches away from it. “Your hand’s cold.”
“Oh, sorry,” Maddie says in a guilt ridden tone. “Is it okay that Eddie’s in here? We can move him if you want to be alone.”
Buck looks at her with wide, defensive eyes, his hand tightening around Eddie’s. “No. I want him here.”
“Told you.” Eddie’s sleep plagued voice has Buck’s head snapping back to look at him. His eyes are barely open, echoing what he looked like when he’d woken up after the sniper. “I actually don’t know if I said it out loud. But… knew you would want me around.”
“Yeah. I do,” Buck says, moving closer to Eddie even if they’re in two separate beds.
“Let’s give them a minute, guys. Rav, let’s go. Up, up, up.” Buck and Eddie don’t look away from each other at Bobby’s words or as the team filters out of the room.
When they’re alone, Buck swallows hard. “Did you- I mean it wasn’t just- You love me?”
“I do,” Eddie confirms, blinking slowly. “We have… Buck, I thought we had no time left.”
“We do. Baby, we have so much time,” Buck says, blinking against the tears in his eyes. “And we’re gonna make it so good.”
Eddie’s face scrunches up, breathing in shakily. “I can’t move because my foot’s propped up but I really- I need you- Closer.”
Buck nods violently and he’s rolling out of his bed to slide under the blankets with Eddie. He pulls Eddie into him, careful not to jostle his propped up foot, holding him like he had in the freezer.
“I thought- I thought-“
“Shh, sweetheart, I know, me too,” Eddie says, turning his face into Buck’s warmth. “But we’re here. We get a long, happy ending.”
Buck presses a firm kiss to Eddie’s head and says, “Gonna send Ravi to find pumpkin purée.”
Eddie snorts, tilting his head up. “He’s not a probie anymore.”
Buck shrugs. “He’ll do it for us. I can milk the near dying thing for so long.”
Eddie hm’s, leaning in and pressing his lips to Buck’s. And they’re so warm, like the sun is shining right on them.