Chapter Text
u/scarredglory • 3 days ago
Should I tell my boyfriend his brother hates me?
My boyfriend Ben (35M) and I (30M) have been together for a few months now, and I'm totally in love with him. He's got a close-knit family, and I get along great with his younger sister (we’ll call her S). S (14F) is awesome and we have no issues at all.
But his brother (we’ll call him A) is another story. From the very beginning, A (19M) has had a chip on his shoulder about me. We've never really gotten along, and I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. He's super protective of Ben, which I get, but he takes it to another level.
Whenever Ben isn't around, A makes these passive-aggressive comments. He'll say things like, "Ben deserves someone who understands his needs better," or "You're just not the right fit for our family." At first, I tried to brush it off. I figured maybe he just needed some time to get used to me, but it's been months, and it hasn't stopped. In fact, it's gotten worse.
The last time we were all together for dinner, Ben stepped out to take a call. A immediately leaned over to me and said, "Don't you think it's unfair to hold Ben back from finding someone he truly belongs with?"
I fought to control myself. I told him that I love Ben and that I'm not going anywhere. He scoffed and told me that Ben is just too good-natured to say anything, but he knows I’m not worth it. I told him he was out of line, and he just laughed.
I've been trying to be the bigger person, but I'm just so tired of his constant digs. It's gotten to the point where I dread any family gatherings because I know he'll be there. Ben has no idea this is happening, and I don't want to cause a rift between them. But I'm starting to resent A so much that I don't even want to be around him.
The worst part is that A only acts this way when we're alone. When Ben or S are in the room, he's a completely different person—charming and polite. The one time he made a snide comment while S was nearby, she immediately jumped to my defence. It was a long time ago, in the beginning of my relationship with Ben. I'm so grateful for her, but I also don’t want to drag S into this or turn her against A.
I really don't want this feud with Ben's brother. Ben adores A. He practically raised him and S by himself, and they have an incredibly strong bond. I would hate for Ben to find out what A has been doing all this time, but it's gotten too far. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Should I tell Ben about what A has been saying?
⬆️1.9K
the1andonlyj1m • 2 days ago
The fact that he only does this when Ben and S aren't around is classic manipulative behaviour. He's trying to isolate you and make you feel like you're the problem. You need to tell Ben what's going on. He deserves to know that his brother is treating you this way. This isn't just about you anymore, it's about Ben's well-being and his relationship with his brother.
⬆️1.5k
iluvbananas231 • 1 day ago
You're letting this guy walk all over you. You are in a committed relationship with Ben, not A. Ben loves you, and that's all that should matter. By letting A’s behaviour slide, you're only enabling him and allowing him to continue to disrespect you and your relationship. You need to stand up for yourself and tell Ben what's happening.
⬆️1.1k
thewisesentient_x • 12 hours ago
INFO: Has A ever told you why he dislikes you so much?
It sounds like there's more to this than just A being protective. Has he ever given you a specific reason for his disapproval, or is it always just vague comments about Ben "deserving better?" I wonder if he's projecting some of his own insecurities onto you.
⬆️906
scarredglory212 OP • 7 hours ago
Thank you for asking! I really appreciate it. He's never given me a solid reason. I even tried to ask him once, early on, if I'd done something to upset him. All he said was, "You've never been worthy of him, not from the start." It was a cold comment, and he walked away before I could ask what he meant.
I've racked my brain trying to figure it out. At one point, I even wondered if it was about my darker skin. But I quickly noticed he's not like this with other people who have darker complexions, so I don't think that's it. It just seems to be a personal thing against me. I honestly have no idea what his problem is.
⬆️939
thewisesentient_x • 2 hours ago
What A said was completely out of line and it's understandable why you're so hurt and confused. That kind of cold, baseless comment can really get to you, especially when it comes from someone who's supposed to be family.
It sounds like you've already done some serious thinking about this, and it's good that you've ruled out the possibility of it being about your skin color since he treats others differently. That said, his comment, "You've never been worthy of him," is a classic red flag. Often, when people say something so cruel and personal, it has more to do with them than with you.
It's possible A feels threatened by you in some way, or maybe he has a problem with Ben being in an interracial relationship. Unfortunately, some people still hold those beliefs, even if they don't say it outright. The fact that he's not this way with other people of color doesn't completely rule it out. His prejudice might be specific to his brother's relationship.
Whatever his reason, this isn't something you should have to carry on your own. Ben has a right to know what's being said to you. Having this kind of tension with his family, especially with his brother, is a major issue, and it's something you both need to navigate together. When you feel ready, tell Ben what A said and how it made you feel. You deserve to have your boyfriend in your corner on this.
⬆️204
ultimatetroller92 • 10 hours ago
A’s behaviour is completely out of line. It's one thing to be protective, but it's another to actively try to sabotage your brother's relationship. He's not just making comments, he's attempting to drive a wedge between you and Ben. It's a form of emotional abuse, and you shouldn't have to put up with it. You need to tell Ben everything. If he truly loves you, he'll believe you and confront his brother.
⬆️803