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It had barely been a day since the Battle of Killahead Bridge had ended.
“Time is of the essence.” Merlin had told them.
Mere hours after their victory, they had packed what they could salvage from Trollmarket, said their goodbyes, and left Arcadia.
Jim had been preoccupied with leading the group, ensuring that they were all together, no issues were arising, and that conflicts were resolved between the exhausted trolls before they could get out of hand. The first signs of daybreak alerted the group that it was time to rest, seeking shelter in a nearby cave system that a few trolls had scouted ahead to find.
Claire had been exhausted long before anyone else, and had gladly accepted Arrrgghs offer for a ride, but she quickly found herself being carried in his arms as she slept. Had she not been so exhausted, she was sure her sleep would have been plagued by unpleasant images of the last 72 hours, but she dreamt of nothing for today.
Finally, nearing midday, Jim had been able to take a break. He was dead on his feet, dragging his armored body, and plopping down next to Arrrggh, Blinky, and Claire, who had set up a small camp towards the front of the cave.
“Master Jim, I believe it is time that you take your rest. I shall take over your patrolling duties with Arrrggh, so please rest while we have the time.” Blinky leaned closer and whispered, “And perhaps it might be best if you and fair Claire had a conversation. It appears something seems to be troubling the lady.”
Blinky gave Jim a light pat on his shoulder and left with Arrrggh to begin their patrol.
“Hey, Claire…” Jim said, crawling over to sit next to Claire, who had wrapped herself in a spare blanket. She looked up and he could see tears streaking down her cheeks.
“Claire what's wrong?” Jim said, urgently. He watched, mildly panicked, as Claire sniffled and hid her face in the blanket. It took a moment for her to recollect herself, but she lifted her head and questioned, hesitantly, “Why did you do it, Jim?”
Jim reeled back slightly, unsure as to what she was asking.
“Do what?” He whispered. He could feel his heart beating harder in his chest, and he watched as more tears welled in Claire's eyes.
“Why did you take the potion from Merlin?” Her breath shuttered as she whispered,
Jim sucked in a harsh breath. There wasn't a simple answer to her question. He looked at her, studying her face. She couldn't meet his eyes. He thought back to what she had said to him just the other night, on top of the school. That she loved him no matter what he looked like. Had she really meant it? Or was it just something she had said to get him out of his own head and ready for the upcoming battle?
Claire eventually looked up to meet his gaze. He watched as her face turned from sadness to surprise, and she reached her hands up to his face, “No Jim, I didn't mean it like that….” She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts, then continued.
“I just meant, why didn't you ask for help? Or at least talk to us before? You know we could have helped you, or at least we could have been prepared for your change. Been able to help you better.”
Jim wasn't ready for this conversation. He truly didn't think he would ever be. It had been a decision that was thrust upon him so quickly, that he felt he had no time to think, and no other option to act upon. Jim felt his breath quicken slightly, but it didn't last long, as Claire grabbed his face in her hands once again, and forced him to look her in her eyes.
“Please don't cry Jim. That wasn't my intention.” Claire whimpered through her own tears. Jim hadn’t realized he was crying.
“I wish I had an answer for you Claire. One that made everything better for both of us. But I don't. I don't know why I didn't ask for help, I don't know why I didn't call anyone and tell them what Merlin had told me. Just, please know, that I did think about it, and as much as I hate this right now, this new body allowed us to defeat Gunmar and finally end the fight for the surface lands. And I would do it again, because it means I can protect the ones I care for.”
Claire looked at Jim, before sighing, and curling up in his lap. Jim took that as an acceptance to his response. He knows this will be something they need to talk about again, but he needs more time. More time to process what he had done to himself, and the effect it will have on those around him.