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Chapter Text

RELUCTANTLY CROUCHED AT THE STARTING LINE, Riley prepared for his day. It was difficult living here: stressful and life consuming. That's what he liked about it, this place distracted him from the feelings trying to catch up to him.

ENGINES PUMPING AND THUMPING IN TIME, his fellow soldiers fighting for the top spot. THE GREEN LIGHT FLASHES, THE FLAGS GO UP. CHURNING AND BURNING, THEY YEARN FOR THE CUP.

Is the prize not worthy of fighting for? Is it not worth it to impress the high ranking officers and get pulled into a sophisticated and superior section? This sort of extreme boot camp was made especially for secret organizations, like the one he came from, to find men and women that can handle it.

THEY DEFTLY MANEUVER AND MUSCLE FOR RANK, one upping and overstepping all opponents. He hadn't eaten all day, FUEL BURNING FAST ON AN EMPTY TANK. But that's good, it builds up his endurance, his tolerance for pain. He had to be better than all of them. Better than everyone... even her.

RECKLESS AND WILD, these people so willing to live a lie. THEY POUR THROUGH THE TURNS, a race against time, THEIR PROWESS IS POTENT, AND SECRETLY STERN.

That's the whole point, is it not? Secret. It's all a secret. The American people can't know what they do, their friends can’t know the truth of their job, their coworkers can’t know the truth of what is coming, people can't know the truth they desperately run from. He can not know the truth of her.

AS THEY SPEED THROUGH THE FINISH, THE FLAGS GO DOWN. THE FANS GET UP AND THEY GET OUT OF TOWN. There is no one to impress, that day is done. THE ARENA IS EMPTY EXCEPT FOR ONE MAN. A soldier from the country who trained on a hellmouth, STILL DRIVING AS STRIVING AS FAST AS HE CAN.

No one there to see him, nothing more to accomplish, but he can't stop. THE SUN HAS GONE DOWN AND THE MOON HAS COME UP, AND LONG AGO SOMEBODY LEFT WITH THE CUP, BUT HE'S DRIVING AND STRIVING AND HUGGING THE TURNS, AND THINKING OF SOMEONE FOR WHOM HE STILL BURNS. 

He can't get her out of his head, the beautiful slayer who was stronger than he could ever pretend to be. She wouldn't leave him, so he pushed and pushed and kept on going. He kept fighting with his body to keep her out of his mind.

HE'S GOING THE DISTANCE, training and fighting. HE'S GOING FOR SPEED, for agility, for strength. He is still stinging from being weaker than his lover. But while he’s striving to be better, SHE'S ALL ALONE. Everything has gone wrong, her mother dead and her sister out of control, and she is ALL ALONE IN HER TIME OF NEED.

Why? BECAUSE HE'S RACING AND PACING AND PLOTTING THE COURSE. HE'S FIGHTING AND BITING AND RIDING ON HIS HORSE. And the one man who wants to help the girl who has never been needy is pushed away - a monster, a freak - yet HE'S GOING THE DISTANCE, NO TROPHIES, NO FLOWERS, NO FLASHBULBS, NO WINE. Spike gets no reward for his troubles, but keeps going, for her. And Dawn.

Still Riley... HE'S HAUNTED BY SOMETHING HE CAN NOT DEFINE. BOWEL-SHAKING EARTHQUAKES OF DOUBT AND REMORSE ASSAIL HIM, IMPALE HIM really, WITH MONSTER TRUCK FORCE. So he pushes himself too far in order to push her away.

IN HIS MIND HE'S STILL DRIVING, STILL MAKING THE GRADE. No peace from a constant run from one's feelings. SHE'S HOPING IN TIME THAT HER MEMORIES WILL FADE.

But he doesn't know that, he's gone, he gave an ultimatum and she didn’t take it. She changed her mind, ran to find him, but she was too late. He never knew how she saw him fly away, or how she cried into the arms of the vampire who found her there, the soulless beast who looked more and more like a man every day.

Riley doesn't know any of this, 'CAUSE HE'S RACING AND PACING AND PLOTTING THE COURSE, HE'S FIGHTING AND BITING AND RIDING ON HIS HORSE. THE SUN HAS GONE DOWN AND THE MOON HAS COME UP, somebody calls for him to go to sleep but he doesn't hear. He knows what they must have said, AND LONG AGO SOMEBODY LEFT WITH THE CUP, but he can not stop.

He's so tired BUT HE'S STRIVING AND DRIVING AND HUGGING THE TURNS, AND THINKING OF SOMEONE FOR WHOM HE STILL BURNS.

She's at home all alone looking out her window, watching the leather that is paces back and forth. He saw that night the cracks on her strength, and ever since then he has been there. She won't let him in while her sister is there, so he sits outside and waits for her to let him help. He stands and watches over Buffy and Dawn, waiting for the day that Buffy wants it over, so that he can be there to keep it going. Whether she wants to kill herself, push everyone away, give up and never get out of bed... no matter how she breaks, he will be there to fix it. To help her fix herself. To keep her life going until she decides to get back to it.

Yet another thing Riley doesn't know ‘CAUSE HE'S GOING THE DISTANCE, HE'S GOING FOR SPEED. SHE'S ALL ALONE, ALL ALONE IN HER TIME OF NEED. Except she's not. She thinks she is, Riley thinks she is. Only Spike and Dawn know she's not, only they know that Spike will do anything for her.

Dawn has even been behaving better since Spike's been around. They have grown close, being the only one to acknowledge the pain Buffy is going through. The only reason Dawn even saw it was because Spike told her.

Riley could go back and find all this out but he won't BECAUSE HE'S RACING AND PACING AND PLOTTING THE COURSE, HE'S FIGHTING AND BITING AND RIDING ON HIS HORSE.

He hates her, the blond bimbo who HE'S RACING AND PACING AND PLOTTING THE CORSE to forget. HE'S FIGHTING AND BITING AND pushing her away as roughly as he can. RIDING ON HIS HORSE, he screams at the bitch who caught him, who bested him!

HE'S GOING THE DISTANCE, pushing his body to the point of passing out just to keep the hatred fueling him so that he can't wake up and understand that he misses her so badly he could explode, so much he could cry, so much he could scream! She did this to him!

HE'S GOING FOR SPEED. Maybe he can outrun every feeling lapping at his heels, every image slapping his legs, every single flash of her that tries to get to him. HE'S GOING THE DISTANCE, running and running and then...

Stops. He is slammed by her, and he knows that he has to go back. He'll finish up here, get a job, and go back to her. Maybe she'll go with him.

Yes, she'd love to be his sidekick, his loving wife who can keep up.

Chapter Text

"Miss Summers," Buffy mocked, her voice haughty. "Some of us are here to learn, professor!"

She was at a graveyard at night, one of the least surprising places to find her. What was surprising, however, was the vampire she'd allowed to tail her and talk her ear off all night.

"Sounds like a right bitch indeed," Spike said. He watched her kick, punch and duck as she fought a fledge.

"Maybe you'd like to teach your own class!" Buffy mocked again as she grabbed her opponent, spinning him into a headstone.

Spike flung himself over that headstone, staking the other vampire while he was dodging a hit from the slayer.

"Why did you do that?" Buffy asked while lowering her arms.

"Not for money, if that's what you're thinking. Your heartfelt gratitude's plenty." Spike paused. "I expect I'll be getting that any moment."

"You're so annoying." Buffy rolled her eyes almost affectionately. "Gratitude for what, for getting in my way?"

"Getting in your way?" Spike clutched at his chest. "I saved you. The damsel was in distress."

"The only thing distressing me was telling you about my stupid professor." Buffy pouted as she dusted off her pants. "I didn't need you to do that."

Spike stepped beside Buffy as she began walking towards the next row of headstones. "You never know. He could have had a talent for lulling you right into a false sense of security, and bam, late night snack."

Buffy scoffed to keep in her giggle. "Just don't let it happen again."

Spike didn't jump into her next fight, but he did keep up a constant narration as if he were watching a wrestling match. Buffy dragged the fight out, enjoying the oddly specific things he was able to come up with as well as the dramatic voices he chose to use.

Once the dust settled, Buffy let herself take a few needed breaths. "You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the gladder I am that I have."

She liked the soft smile that graced his face at that.

…

Spike startled awake in his crypt. Buffy was standing beside him, too close and too silent for the look that was on her face. His eyes crossed the room to where her mom and sister were awkwardly tucked away by the door. He wasn't exactly sure how he was supposed to act in front of them now that his dynamic with Buffy had changed, so Spike rubbed the sleep from his eyes and observed them. 

"Oh, it's the Slayer. For a second there I was worried. So, what's with the family outing?"

Buffy shifted, bringing her body as close to his as could be considered appropriate. "I need your help."

Spike kept his face neutral as he whispered to just her. "Of course, anything."

Buffy's lip trembled as she answered him. "She was in my house. She saw my mom and my sister and… You're the only one strong enough to protect them."

Spike nodded, his brain working to come up with an idea. He got up and moved towards the other people in the room. "Ladies, come on in. There's plenty of blood in the fridge."

Dawn sputtered. "Do you mean, like, real blood?"

Spike grinned at her. "What do you think?"

"Mostly, I think ew," Dawn said, scrunching up her nose.

Buffy came to talk quietly with her mother. "Keep Dawn here as long as you can. I'll be back soon."

Spike stepped outside the crypt with Buffy, out of view of her family. "Pet, are you alright? Did she hurt you?"

"No," Buffy swallowed heavily. "She just talked and threatened. I was so scared. She could have done anything to them and I couldn't have stopped her."

Spike said her name quietly as he gathered her up in his arms. They stayed there for a moment, just feeling the hug they both needed.

"Kick ass, Buffy," Spike said, sending her off to face the hellgod that was both arrogant and stupid enough to threaten the people that made Buffy the best slayer he'd ever seen.

…

It was weeks later when Spike just so happened to be outside the Summers household at just the right time, which meant he was able to catch Dawn as she slipped out of the house. His voice was low and conspiratorial as he questioned her. "Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye? All warm and safe where nothing can eat you?"

Dawn giggled. "Is that supposed to scare me?"

Spike leaned back in mock irritation. "Little tremble wouldn't hurt."

"Sorry, it's just—" Dawn scoffed at him. "Come on. I'm badder than you."

Spike gasped. "Are not!"

"Am too," Dawn argued. "You're standing in the bushes hugging a bent box of chocolates, and I'm—"

"You're what?" Spike interrupted. "Sneaking out to braid hair and watch Teletubbies with your mates?"

"No," Dawn said softly, looking back at the house. "I'm breaking into the magic shop."

Spike frowned. "Magic shop, eh? All number of beasties between here and there. Bet they'd really go for a little red riding hood like you. Bet that wouldn't sit too well with big sister."

Dawn tried to look confident. "I can take care of myself."

Dawn bit her lip to hide her smile. "You wanna come steal some stuff?"

Spike grinned back at her. "Yeah, all right."

…

Buffy burst into Spike's crypt, anger radiating off of her entire being.

Spike was sitting atop a coffin, repainting his nails. "Was wondering how long it would take for you to get here."

Buffy ignored his words, grabbing the lid to pull it out from under him, holding it steady as he tumbled into the box.

"Hey, careful!" Spike shouted and held up his hands. "These are wet."

Buffy slid the lid back onto the coffin and into Spike's chest, pinning him against the inner lining. "How could you let her find out like that? From books and papers? How could you do that to me?"

"Do what, Buffy?" Spike spat back. "Not let your kid sister sneak out all on her own at night on a Hellmouth? It's not like I knew she was a mystical glowy key thing. You didn't tell me, either."

"You could have stopped her from sneaking out in the first place." Buffy pressed the lid harder against Spike's chest.

"If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later." He glared at her with little effect. "You really think it would've been better for her to go alone? For me to have stopped her last night, and then she found another time to do it all by herself?"

"She still shouldn't have found out like that," Buffy protested weakly.

"And that's not my fault," Spike said. "You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? Maybe if you had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick The Spike. I really thought we were over that by now."

Buffy pressed her lips into a hard line, finding she had nothing to say to that. Spike watched her for a moment before rolling his eyes. "Could you let me up, then?"

Buffy nodded, lips still pressed together, as she stepped back and pulled the stone slab off of him. Spike got up, trying not to look as pathetic as he felt. "You can show yourself out. And I guess I'll see you next time you need something from me."

Buffy worked her jaw, trying to force words. Whether to cut at or to soothe the wounds she'd already made, she wasn't sure.

Instead, she stormed out and slammed the door behind her.

…

It had been tense when she came back to his crypt, and his laughter was cold when she proved his point that she was only there to ask him to come with her to find her sister since she'd run away again. They didn't speak the entire walk to the magic shop, and it was making Buffy's stomach churn uncomfortably.

"She tore up her room," Buffy was saying to the Scoobies. "She burned all of her diaries."

"The Dawnmeister Chronicles?" Xander asked.

"She's been keeping those since…" Willow paused. "Uh, I mean—"

"Since she was seven," Buffy finished for her. "I remember too, Will. We have to find her. Fast. Before Glory or the knights of hack-n-slash figure out what… who she really is. Mom's gonna stay at home in case she shows up. I figure we split up and sweep the city."

Buffy shifted her weight from foot to foot as she spoke. "Anya, will you stay here in case she shows up? Xander, Giles, you guys take the center of town. Willow, Tara, west side. Spike, you and I'll get the east side."

Spike nodded silently from his spot behind her. Buffy looked at everyone in the room. "Just find her. Please."

…

"Dawn!" Buffy called as she and Spike walked through an old playground. "Dawn!"

"Yeah, that should do it," Spike said.

"Shut up."

"The Nibblet scampered off to get away from you," Spike explained as he took a drag of his cigarette. "She hears you bellowing, she's gonna pack it in the opposite direction. Can't say I blame her."

They both stopped walking as Spike crushed his cigarette beneath his boot. Buffy looked down, watching the jerky movement. "You were right. This is my fault. I should have told her."

Spike sighed in frustration. "Look, she probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She's not just a blob of energy, she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now, spin the bloody wheel."

He set his hand on Buffy's shoulder. "You'll find her, just in the nick of time. That's what you hero types do."

"I'm sorry I blamed you," Buffy said, finally looking at him. "And that I wouldn't apologize. Until, um, the now."

Spike nodded in understanding. "You'll find her."

"And then what?" Buffy asked.

"And then life goes on." Spike shrugged, letting his arm drop. "It has a way of steamrolling forward. And she'll be right there for all of it, because she's real, and she's family. Buffy…"

Spike paused, seeming almost reluctant to say what he wanted. "I'll be whatever you need, alright? Scapegoat to be angry at, shoulder to cry on, annoying twat to beat on. Watch your family, cover patrol. Whatever you need from me, please, take it. Let me help you."

Buffy's throat was dry, and it seemed to stay that way after she swallowed. "Okay."

They kept walking, the air much less oppressive than it had been earlier during the night.

"We looked, but no Dawn," Willow said when they met back up with the rest of the gang.

"What about the carousel?" Buffy asked, looking to her friends for help.

Tara shook her head. "Checked there too."

Buffy turned to Giles, hoping that he had some good news for her. "Nothing?"

"Sorry, Buff," Xander answered.

"Anything could have happened to her. Not just Glory," Buffy said to the group. "We better check the hospital."

…

"Get away from my sister," Buffy yelled as she slammed her way into the secluded section of Sunnydale Memorial.

Glory kept a smile on her face as she watched Dawn run to her rescuers. "Hey, we were just talking about you."

"Conversation's over, hell-bitch," Buffy replied.

The fight broke out then, punches turning into grappling between the slayer and the hellgod as Spike gathered Dawn up and checked her for any signs of injury. Once he was satisfied with her lack of injuries, he ushered her to her long-time friends of the family and jumped into the fray himself. Grabbing Glory from behind, Spike pinned her arms to her sides. Buffy took full advantage of the situation, landing several blows to her face.

"I thought you said this skank was tough," Spike said.

That, of course, got him into a bit of trouble. Glory broke free far too smoothly, slinging Spike across the room and knocking him out cold. "He wakes up, tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth."

"Sorry, not really feeling in the mood for a game of telephone," Buffy punctuated her words with a fist.

"Hey, those are really nice shoes," Glory said when she caught a kick from Buffy.

Buffy flipped back, managing to kick Glory in the face while regaining her footing. "Giles, now!" She called, diving out of the way.

They all watched as the crossbow bolt Giles let loose bounced harmlessly off of Glory's stomach.

"Oh, please. Like that's—" She paused when Xander hit the back of her head with a tire iron. "Hey! Watch the hair."

She repelled Xander’s attack just as easily as she had Spike’s, making just as much of a mess in the room. "Time to start the dying."

It happened more quickly than Buffy could register, the tire iron flying through the air towards her sister, Dawn's screams as Buffy flung herself in harm's way, her quick amusement at how ironic it was that Glory was trying to kill the very thing she was searching for.

"Nice catch," Glory quipped as Buffy pulled the weapon out of her chest with a grimace. "Is that the best you little crap-gnats can muster? 'Cause I gotta tell ya, so not impressed."

Buffy took a couple deep breaths, trying to hold back her panic and find a way out of this situation. She righted her feet, readying for the fight again as Glory approached Tara and Willow. Buffy watched as they both threw a fine, glittery powder over the woman.

"Look what you did to my dress, you little—" Glory seethed before being interrupted.

"Discede!" Willow shouted, clasping her hands together, and in front of all of them, Glory disappeared into a cloud of dust.

Buffy could hear the buzzing in her ears, the adrenaline still pumping through her veins even with the threat proofed out of existence. She shook her shoulders before pulling her sister into a hug.

Buffy then turned to Willow, who had collapsed on the floor. "What did you do to her?"

"Teleportation spell. Still working out the kinks," Willow said, still dabbing at her bleeding nose. 

Buffy's eyebrows rose. "Where'd you send her?"

"Don't know," Willow said. "That's one of the kinks."

"That was an incredibly…" Giles cleared his throat, "dangerous spell for an adept at your level."

Willow blinked, seeming almost in a daze. "Yep. Won't be trying that one again soon."

Buffy was still holding onto Dawn when Spike roused. She felt herself grin a bit, at how annoyed he looked to have been brushed aside with so little fight. She turned back to Dawn. "Are you okay? Did she hurt you?"

"Why do you care?" Dawn asked.

"Because I love you. You're my sister," Buffy said. 

"No I'm not."

"Yes, you are." Buffy lifted Dawn's arm, her hand still bloody. "Look, it's blood. It's Summers blood."

Buffy pressed her own hand to the wound near her shoulder, wincing at the pain. She brought her now bloody hand to Dawn's, linking their fingers together. "It's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or—or how you got here. You are my sister."

Buffy looked deeply into her sister’s eyes for a moment and felt her lips twitch. "There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't."

Dawn wrapped her arms around Buffy. "I was so scared."

"Me too." Buffy hugged her back. "Come on."

Dawn stopped her once they were standing again. "Wait. Ben. He was here, he was trying to help me. He... I ... I think he might have left before Glory came," Dawn said, frowning. "I can't—I can't remember."

Buffy took her hand again. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. Next time we see him, we'll thank him. I have to get you back home, though. Mom's freaking out."

"Oh," Dawn said. "Is she mad about the whole fire thing?"

Buffy grinned. "I think you sorta have a get-out-of-jail-free card on account of big love and trauma."

"Really? Okay. Good." Dawn bit her lip excitedly, deciding if she wanted to push her luck or not. "Does that mean Spike can come over?"

"Spike?" Buffy scrunched her nose. "Why would you want Spike to come over?"

"Because he had to miss game night last time with me and Mom. Some poker emergency, or something, I don't know," Dawn said, waving her hand around.

"Spike plays board games with you and Mom?" Buffy asked incredulously, looking over to the man in question.

"What?" Spike asked, squirming under the gaze of all the Scoobies. "Joyce has a mean competitive streak, and a talent for making a right good beverage."

"Sure." Buffy laughed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "What the heck. Your get out of jail free card is still in full effect, and you're just wacky enough to choose to use it on that."

Dawn squealed, dragging Buffy towards the vampire and taking his hand too. "Come on, Spike."

The trio lead the way out of the hospital to their separate vehicles.

"You think she'd raise my allowance?" Dawn asked once they were in Spike's car.

Buffy looked at her over her shoulder. "Don't push it."

Chapter Text

Spike was laying on top of his favorite slab of concrete, still as the corpse he almost never appeared to be. The bruising on his face was fresh looking, his clothes tattered and hair tousled. He looked every inch the victim of torture on the outside.

The girl coming quietly into his crypt, however, was a reminder of how not so tortured he felt on the inside. Spike turned his head to look at her, eyes only half seeing due to the fact that they were mostly swollen shut. Buffy sat beside him on the stone sarcophagus.

"What, trying to be irresistible or something, with all these sexy wounds?"

Spike chuckled a bit, pulling his body into a sitting position. "Yeah, I feel real sexy."

"Spike, I…" Buffy said, stopping before she really started. He took her hand and waited, allowing her to formulate whatever it was she wanted to say at her own pace. Spike was content just to look at her, to just feel her presence next to his. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I need you the way that I do, that I've started to depend on you so much that even Glory's scabby little minions noticed. They never would have thought you were the key if I hadn't—"

"Don't, pet." Spike let go of Buffy's hand, resting his palm against her cheek instead. "Don't apologize to me for anything. Everything that you're going through right now? Just the slaying alone could drive someone round the bend. The things with your mum and your sis thrown on top of it, 'course you're drowning. You're allowed to need people."

"But I got you hurt." Buffy looked down, willing her welling tears not to fall. "I don't feel like I can protect anyone anymore."

"No one can protect them the way that you can. A little regroup is okay every now and then." He used his hold on her face to bring her eyes back to his. "I'm alright. Besides, was worth it."

Spike moved his hand further down her face, giving his thumb room to gently rub her cheek. "Buffy... anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy you. I couldn't live, you being in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did. And it was worth it. She wanted to know who the key was, and that wasn't going to happen. Not even just for you, but for the Nibblet too. Neither of you deserved that. Know I've told you already… what I thought of Joyce. What a fine lady she was. You're her girls, and we've all got to pitch in in her honor, take care of you two."

Buffy felt the wetness travel down her face, and before Spike had a chance to take his hand off her to wipe them away, Buffy placed her own hand on his cheek. She leaned towards him gently, placing a soft kiss against his lips. "What you did for me, for Dawn, for Mom... that was real. I won't forget it."

Spike nodded his head, lips still slightly pursed. He laid back down, not sure if it was more from the shock of the kiss or the exhaustion of sitting up for so long. Buffy laid down beside him, resting her head on the least bruised section of his chest.

Spike brought his arm to rest on top of hers, letting his fingertips trace her elbow. "You've never done that without a spell before."

Buffy nuzzled her head into his chest, trying to hide her face. "I almost did when we went on that super obvious date to a vamp nest that was clearly not so hopping with activity."

"Was wondering why you let me get away with that." Spike beamed with only slightly contained mirth.

"I thought about it again the night of the funeral," Buffy said. "The entire time Angel was with me after, I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd rather be with you. Rather be held by you. Rather be… kissed by you. And how messed up was that? For me to even be thinking about things like that when my mom was…"

"'M sorry, Buffy," Spike murdered. "Don't mean to be making things any more complicated for you right now. Can back off, try and stay away for a bit, if it's what you want."

Buffy craned her neck so that she could look at Spike. He was surprised to see her smiling. "If I'm not allowed to apologize to you, you're not allowed to apologize to me."

Buffy readjusted herself again, bringing her arms up to rest on his chest and under her chin. "And you know what you were doing while I was off playing pretend? You were taking my sister home. Making sure she was fed, and she was safe. You even made her mom's special hot cocoa and did her homework for her. I don't… I don't think I can give you anything right now, not with Glory looming over my head, not with everything I don't have the time or energy to process. But after… if you still feel the same way, about me…"

"I love you, and I won't be stopping any time soon. Tried, failed. I'm in too deep." Spike tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Then remember," Buffy said. "Remember that this is real, and that I'll remember too."

"Yeah," Spike promised. "Yeah, pet. I'll remember."

"'Kay." Buffy turned her head to rest more comfortably. "I need to be back home in a couple hours. Don't let me sleep too long."

"'Course, luv," Spike whispered. He kissed the top of her head and listened as her breathing slowed and deepened.

Of course he would remember this. He'd remember this evening for the rest of his life.

…

Spike was leading the way through the dank space, Dawn trailing behind him, his limp still fairly noticeable. "No one's gonna hurt you."

"Oh yeah?" Dawn readjusted the flashlight she'd been holding. "Same no one who did that to you?"

"What, these?" Spike asked. "It's just a few bruises, nothin' to write home about."

He stopped walking, noticing how nervous Dawn looked. "Hey, chin up, Platelet. Don't get scared. Maybe Glory doesn't wanna kill you, maybe it's something—"

"Worse?" Dawn said.

Spike couldn't think of what to say to take his foot out of his mouth, so he started walking again. Dawn watched him for a moment before sitting down on one of the many large rocks.

He walked slowly back to her once he noticed she wasn't following. Spike put out a hand to touch her hair, hesitating slightly before resting his palm against the crown of her head.

"Hey."

"You wanna know what I'm scared of, Spike?" Dawn asked, her voice shaking. "Me. Right now, Glory thinks Tara's the key. But I'm the key, Spike. I am. And anything that happens to Tara—it's 'cause of me. Your bruises, your limp, that's all me too. I'm like a lightning rod for pain and hurt." Tears began to stream down her face. "And everyone around me suffers and dies. I—I must be something so horrible, to cause so much pain and… and evil."

"Rot," Spike said firmly.

"What do you know?" Dawn huffed moodily, batting his hand away.

"I'm a vampire," Spike said. "I know somethin' about evil. You're not evil."

"Maybe I'm not evil," Dawn conceded, looking hopeful. "But I don't think I can be good."

Spike smiled warmly at her. "Well, I'm not good, and I'm okay."

Dawn stood up, linking her arms around his waist in a tight hug.

Spike hugged her back, his hand patting her in an awkward yet comforting way. "We'll be not quite evil and not quite good together, yeah?"

"Yeah." Dawn flashed him a watery smile as she pulled away and started walking again.

They made it back to the entrance of Spike's crypt not long after that. He popped up to the upper level to grab them both a drink from the fridge before settling in beside Dawn to pick up where they'd left off in the book of John Keats’s poetry. She'd found it the last time she visited him and insisted he read it to her, pushing and whining until he relented.

Buffy arrived when Spike was in the middle of explaining to Dawn the disease that took the late poet's life so young. He gave them the space he and Dawn had been occupying and went upstairs to grab Buffy something to drink, too.

"It's all my fault," Dawn said when Buffy finished catching them up on what had happened between Tara and Glory.

"No." Buffy brushed Dawn's hair over her shoulder. "Sweetheart, it is not your fault."

"How's Willow?" Dawn asked.

"She was looking to go all payback-y on Glory for a minute, but I cooled her down a little. Actually, a lot," Buffy answered.

"So, she's not gonna do anything rash then," Spike said.

"No, I explained that there was no point."

Spike made a noise in the back of his throat.

"What?" Buffy challenged him.

"So, you're saying that a powerful and mightily pissed-off witch," Spike paused for emphasis. "Was plannin' on going and spillin' herself a few pints of god blood until you, what? Explained?"

Buffy frowned, looking back and forth between Dawn and Spike.

"You think she'd… No. I told Willow it would be like suicide."

"I'd do it," Spike said, shrugging his shoulder. "Right person. Person I loved. Yeah, I'd do it, damn how idiotic it is."

And she would too, Buffy realized. For Dawn, Buffy would go after Glory, no matter how awful of a decision that was. Hadn't she already, when they rescued Spike? Buffy knew better than Giles, knew that Dawn's identity was never in jeopardy while Spike was held and tortured for information, but she was still stubborn and swift in her recovery of him.

"I gotta go," Buffy said, rushing out of the crypt without even so much as a goodbye.

"Well, anyway," Spike said casually, picking their book back up. "Where were we?"

Dawn settled in beside him, closing her eyes as she listened to the confusing, old timey words she really enjoyed to hear him say.

Chapter Text

The back alley of the magic shop was probably just like any other alley in Sunnydale, in the sense that it was known to occasionally be hiding a vampire ripe for the slaying. It almost bored Buffy to step out and take care of that little problem, but then again, it was nice to be able to step away from the big problem inside for a few minutes.

When she came back to everyone, they were all still sitting where they'd been before, the harsh words from her watcher looming over the room. Spike was sitting behind the group on a ladder leading up to the upper loft, and it took everything in Buffy not to join him and ignore everyone else.

"Something goin' on out back?" Xander asked.

"Vampire," Buffy said simply as she took a seat at the table beside him.

"Oh."

"Anything?" Buffy asked.

"Nothing you want to hear." Giles fiddled with the books in front of him. "The ritual is, uh…"

"Explain it again," Buffy said.

"There's nothing new to—" Giles began, but was quickly interrupted.

"Go through it again anyway." 

Giles removed his glasses, slowly folding and placing them on the table. "The key was... living energy. It needs to be channeled, poured into a specific place at a specific time. The energy would flow into that spot, the walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on Earth in the meantime."

Anya spoke up next. "Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, no more hell?"

"That's only if the energy is stopped," Willow said. "And now the key is human, is Dawn."

Giles lifted a large, leather bound book as he read from it. "'The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more.' When Dawn is dead."

"I have places to be!" Tara shouted, cutting through the tension with her outburst. She curled back into herself afterwards, mumbling quietly.

"Why blood?" Xander continued on. "Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be like a, a lymph ritual?"

"'Cause it's always got to be blood," Spike said.

Xander cut his eyes towards the vampire. "We're not actually discussing dinner right now."

"Blood is life, lackbrain," Spike replied. "Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. Course it's her blood."

The emotion in Spike's voice at the thought of Dawn being hurt fed into Buffy’s own determination. "Pretty simple math here. We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right?"

"If my calculations are right. But Buffy—" Giles said.

"I don't wanna hear it." She began to turn away from him.

"I understand that—"

"No!" Buffy whirled around to face him again. "No, you don't understand. We are not talking about this."

"Yes, we bloody well are!" Giles slammed his book down, the bang punctuating his outburst.

He continued more quickly. "If Glory begins the ritual, if we can't stop her…"

"Come on. Say it," Buffy taunted. "We're bloody well talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister."

"She's not your sister," Giles said evenly.

Buffy paused. "No, she's not. She's more than that; she's me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her, and I feel closer to her than…"

Buffy's gaze was drawn to the boots on Spike's feet, familiar and simple. The laces, the scuff marks, the mud caked between seams. When had she become so accustomed to looking at Spike when her eyes didn't know where to settle? "It's not just the memories they built. It's physical. Dawn is a part of me. The only part that I—"

"We'll solve this," Willow rushed to reassure her. "We will. Don't have another coma, okay?"

Buffy almost laughed, looking toward her friend and sending the redhead a small smile.

Giles sighed. "If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death, including Dawn."

"Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her," Buffy said.

"You'll fail," Giles replied. "You'll die. We all will."

"I'm sorry." Buffy turned away from them, aching to be anywhere but here. Aching to be sitting around doing nothing with her sister. "I love you all, but I'm sorry."

That fantasy of a girl's night in was where Buffy's mind kept visiting for the rest of the Scoobies plan-making session.

They absolutely could not allow this not to work.

…

Buffy held Spike's hand more tightly than she normally would have as they walked together toward her home. She caught herself watching his shoes again, finding comfort in the steady pace of each boot beside her.

Spike squeezed her hand before he let go of it, jumping up her front porch steps to open the door for them both. Buffy cleared her throat as she entered. "The weapons are in the chest by the tv. I'll grab the stuff upstairs."

Spike was speaking to himself just as much as he was replying to her as he walked towards the chest. "Won't bother with the small stuff, couple of good axes should hold off Glory's mates while you take on the lady herself."

"We're not all gonna make it," Buffy said. "You know that."

"Yeah, I know that," Spike sighed. "'And I know you've known it for a tic now. You've been, ah, off since you went on your slayer kumbaya trip to the desert. Like she told you how this was going to end."

"Not exactly." Buffy hesitated, taking a step or two in his direction but not nearly bridging the gap between them. "She told me… well, she told me about me. That my gift to the world was death. And I guess I'm just so tired… tired of only being good for killing things. Tired of not knowing if I'm anything more than that."

"You are." Spike's voice compelled her to finally look at him. "You're everything. Not just everything to me, you just are everything. That gift of death sounds to me like you do it better than the rest. Not that you're a machine, seen plenty of slayers like that. That you're connected to the rest of the world in a way slayers usually aren't. You're full of life, and that makes the death you dole out different."

Spike pinched the bridge of his nose, like what he was trying to say to her wasn't coming out the way he intended. "You're not a thing, Buffy. You're not just the slayer. You, Buffy Summers, are intrinsically tied to life and death in the battle for puppies and rainbows and kittens. And it's the life in you that makes death your gift."

Spike let out a a long-suffering sigh while he resumed his task of grabbing what he could from the stockpile of weapons. He took them over to the door, setting them down before making his way over to Buffy. He stood right in front of her, placing his hand delicately on her cheek, his smile landing somewhere between reassuring and resigned. "And if we don't make it out of this one? Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'."

Buffy balled her fists by her sides, digging her nails into the flesh there to keep from crying. "Thank you."

"Of course." Spike's smile turned more affectionate. He gazed at the planes and contours of her face, vowing to commit them all to memory, to fully live in this moment that could be their last.

"I'm counting on you," Buffy told him. "To protect her."

"'Till the end of the world," Spike said earnestly. "Even if that happens to be tonight." He ran his thumb lightly across Buffy's jaw. "I know you'll never love me. Know that you're too good for it, know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's—"

Buffy kissed him, her lips attempting to convey in action what they could never seem to get across just right in words. She kept her hands at her side, knowing that if she touched him now, this moment would become more than she was ready to face.

The kiss ended naturally when Buffy's need to breathe became a hindrance. Spike placed a kiss on each corner of her mouth and one on the tip of her nose before releasing her.

They gazed silently at each other before Spike ushered her up the stairs. "Get your stuff. I'll be here."

And then they were off to prepare for battle once more.

…

Death...

Dawnie, I have to.

Listen to me. Please, there's not a lot of time, listen.

Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do.

Tell Giles ... tell Giles I figured it out. And … and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. And take care of Spike. I'm not sure how, but he became a part of our family, too. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. But he'll be strong for you at the same time. Please let him.

Dawn, the hardest thing in this world … is to live in it. Be brave. Live. Live your life to its fullest. For me.

I love you so, so much.

BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS

1981-2001

BELOVED SISTER

DEVOTED FRIEND

SHE SAVED THE WORLD

A LOT

Chapter Text

The interior of the jet was silent as select soldiers were reading through the reports they were being sent back to the states for. Washington State, Arizona, Utah. Riley knew where each and every person on this plane was headed once they touched down on US soil for the first time in almost a year. He was the only one headed to California.

Well, almost the only one. Sam had been a last minute addition, and it was a decision he had attempted to fight when it'd first been passed down the chain of command. Unfortunately, it being a hellmouth, no soldier was supposed to go to Sunnydale alone. In simple terms, his commander had told him that if he didn't want company he would be more than happy to stick his ass on desk duty.

And of course, of all the people in their unit, they just had to send the one chick he'd had a few one night stands with. But it was always Buffy he thought about the times he had fallen into bed with her, and he wasn't going to let her presence stop what he was going to accomplish while he was back in his old college town.

…

It was more difficult to find Buffy than Riley had assumed it would be. It was too early for the slayer to have started patrol, but she wasn't home, and she'd been unenrolled from UC Sunnydale not long after he left town. A discovery that, upon learning it, Riley couldn't help but wonder about. Had him going away really affected her that much?

Taking a deep dive into the official government paperwork since he'd seen Buffy last finally gave him a clue as to where to look for her next. The deed for her mother's Art Gallery had been signed over to Buffy almost three months ago. Along with that document, though, Riley had also seen Joyce's death certificate.

She really had had a terrible year.

The front door was locked when he arrived, but the sparse cars in the parking lot and the lights on inside told Riley that somebody was definitely currently using the building.

He snuck around the back, quickly picking the outdated lock and creeping inside. Most of the rooms were unoccupied and full of artsy things, some looking untouched and some looking recently gone through. The large display area was where Riley had seen the lights from outside. There were about a dozen people moving around the room, and a small display of paintings and sculptures sprinkled throughout the room. Buffy and Dawn were among the gathering, clearly separate from but friendly with the rest of the group.

Riley waited a while, watching the group to decide if he should try and talk to Buffy when she was alone or go in now. Whatever event they had going on was clearly private, but it seemed casual enough that it wouldn't be too odd for him to intrude. And time was of the essence.

"Buffy," Riley said as he attempted to quietly slide into the space beside her. Dawn had walked away a moment earlier, going towards the subtly placed and tasteful restroom sign.

"How did—" Buffy jumped, looking towards the hallway that must lead towards the main entrance. "Riley, what are you doing here?"

"Sorry to just drop in on you like this. But something's come up, something big. We don't have much time. You understand?"

Buffy just kept looking at him. "It's you."

"It's me."

"You're… here," Buffy said. "How did you even know I'd be here?"

Riley smiled at her. "I work for the military. We know things."

"Were you always this tall?" Buffy asked.

"I should have known I wouldn't be able to steal you away immediately. You're working."

Buffy looked around the room, seeming to remember where she was. "Yeah, I haven't had this place long. Mom, uh, my mom passed away. I only just got it up and running again."

"I'd like to not rush you, but we don't really have time," Riley said. "I've been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it's come to Sunnydale."

Buffy turned her head back to him, studying him intensely. Riley felt her eyes rove over his clothes, the all black ensemble and bulletproof vest, and he felt it when they settled on the scar he now had across his face.

"I know that I'm putting you on the spot, showing up like this, but, you know. Here we are. I need the best, and that's you. I need you, Buffy."

Buffy gave Riley a look he couldn't decipher before she spoke. "I really do have to finish up here, but I won't let them dilly dally like they usually do. This is the biggest group we've had since I took over, and they're bidding on some of Mom's favorite pieces."

Dawn returned then, her eyebrows rising at the sight of her sister's ex. "Agent Finn returns."

Riley nodded to her. "Dawn. Geez, look at you. I think you grew a foot and a half."

"A lot can happen in a year," Dawn said, crossing her arms. "So. What brings you back to town after you left suddenly with no word?"

"Right," Riley shifted his weight, feeling properly chastised. "Suvolte demon. Rare, lethal, nearly extinct. But not nearly enough, and it's close."

Dawn pursed her lips, still looking unhappy. "Janice's mom is supposed to be picking me up from here anyway, so you're good to do whatever you need to do when we're done. Should I call…"

"Yes," Buffy answered too quickly. "Just let everyone know I'll be taking an extracurricular, if they can cover patrol tonight."

"Whatever," Dawn clipped, giving Riley the impression that she had much more to say once he wasn't around.

Buffy turned back to him with a tight smile. "If you could relock whatever door you came in, I'd really appreciate it. I'll meet you around the back of the building once all of the cars are gone."

It took a little under 45 minutes for Buffy to wrap everything up and meet him outside. "So, a Solve-It demon, you say?"

"Suvolte," Riley corrected. "I'm sorry this is all so sudden. You know, if we get a minute, I'd really like to sit down and—"

"We're on a time crunch, right?" Buffy spoke over him. "You should probably lead the way and fill me in as we go."

Riley gave a nod and pulled the radar off his belt, pausing to look at the readings. Buffy began to laugh.

"What?" He asked.

"Sorry." Buffy put her hand over her mouth to calm to her giggles. "It's just, you still carry around all that James Bond stuff. It's fine, really! I just forgot."

He put the device away with a frown.

"Sorry," Buffy said. "Carry on."

Riley let the silence carry as they walked before he spoke up again. "We've been tear-assing through every jungle from Paraguay up, taking out nests. As soon as we put one Suvolte down, a dozen take its place. They're breeders, Buffy. One turns into ten, ten becomes a hundred. This gets out of hand and there's a war with humans? Humans are gonna lose."

"So they're like really mean tribbles," Buffy said. "Sorry, I've been dealing with these, these geeks, it's… it's a whole thing."

There's a growl, and then the Suvolte was right in front of them seemingly out of nowhere. Riley could hear screams all around them as anyone nearby scattered.

"You ready for this?" Riley asked.

"Yes please," Buffy answered.

Riley held a badge towards the civilians who hadn't made their way out of the crossfire fat enough. "National Forestry Service, we got a wild bear! Everybody stand back! Clear the area."

Riley approached the demon, receiving a slash across his arm with its claw. Buffy jumped on the demon, practically bouncing as it threw her into the wall.

Riley pulled his gun, firing three tranqs into the Suvolte. It roared in pain and anger before leaping onto a literal building and running out of sight.

"You alright?" Riley asked as Buffy brushed herself off.

"I've had much worse," Buffy said. "I'll feel better when we catch it. I wasn't expecting it to be so fast. There's no way we're gonna catch up."

"I wouldn't necessarily say that."

Riley led her a few blocks down, where he'd hidden a large, government issued SUV.

"Nice wheels," Buffy remarked.

"Came with the car," Riley joked.

Buffy smiled at him. "Know where we're going?"

"Got an idea. The tag's on-line, still. We'll find it."

Buffy looked at the blinking GPS screen before looking over at his cut. "How's your arm?"

"It'll heal. How are you doing?"

"Complicated question." Buffy bit her lip.

"I just meant—"

"I know," Buffy said. "Life just really… did a lot of crazy things since the last time I saw you."

"I hear ya. Got some big stories to tell you, too, if we ever get half a second."

"Did you die?" Buffy asked.

"No."

Buffy smirked. "I'm gonna win."

Riley sent her a strange look. "Here. No offense, but this is black ops, and you are still quite the fan of bold colors."

Buffy held the clothes she'd been handed. "Ninja wear?"

"Battle gear," Riley said. "Lightweight Kevlar, state of the art."

"What a surprise," Buffy replied.

Riley looked at her again, his eyes lingering before he turned them back on the road. "Boys like toys. Put it on, thank me later."

"No thanks," Buffy said as she tossed the items over her shoulder. "I get plenty of slaying done in my regular clothes pretty often."

Riley didn't know what to say to that.

"So…" Buffy tried to fill the silence. "The black-ops life, it's workin' out for ya?"

"Don't suck."

"They got dental?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, we're covered."

Buffy nodded slowly, pursing her lips as she tried to think of something else to say.

"You know, there's not many people I'd ask to risk their life for me, Buffy," Riley said. "It's really good to see you."

"Thanks," Buffy replied.

"You're welcome. And Buffy, I love the hair."

Buffy hesitated in a way that made Riley squirm. "Okay."

The rest of the car ride was spent in mostly awkward silence.

Once they were both out of the vehicle again, Buffy pulled her hair into a tight ponytail. "End of the line? I don't see our demon."

"It's not here."

"Let me guess," Buffy sighed. "Down we go?"

They both stared into the hole from atop their large damn, rough and uncut stone jutting out at odd angles.

"Looks that way," Riley said, fiddling with the equipment from his pack.

"That's a long way down," Buffy stated. "So, Mr. Finn, got an extra jet-pack for a girl like me?"

"Sorry, fresh out of jet-packs. Looks like we'll have to share." Riley attached one end of a rappelling line to the fence beside them. "This test line's built for one, so if we go together, we're not hauling any gear. Just be you and me."

Buffy gave him yet another look he couldn't figure out before responding. "Nah, there's enough ridges on the wall, I can just climb down. I was never big on the hardware anyway."

"You don't want to hold onto me?" Riley tried to joke.

When the joke fell flat, Riley tried again with a more sincere tone. "Look, Buffy, I… You're still the first woman I ever loved, and the strongest woman I've ever known. And, if I might say, you're still quite the hottie. I was really hoping that we could—"

Buffy interrupted him with a flurry of indecipherable hand movements. "We are so not having this conversation right now. It's officially on the no-fly list, no can do. There's a

demon to be catching." She grabbed onto the edge of the hole Riley had already strapped himself to and carefully made her way down.

Riley muttered to himself exactly how well that had not gone.

…

She'd killed it. There it was, lying in front of them, dead.

"What?" Buffy asked. "I figure I'll call this your welcome to the hellmouth gift, Sam. Demon a la broken neck."

Sam, who'd joined the fight and introduced herself minutes earlier, only turned to the slayer in shock.

Buffy was still panting. "So, guess that's mission accomplished."

"You killed it," Riley said.

"That's…" Sam said. "Okay. That's okay."

"Okay?" Buffy pulled her hair out of the tiny ponytail she'd stuck it in earlier. "Wait, you guys have been tracking this thing for two days straight, Riley said, and you… did want it dead, right?"

Riley saw the look Sam was shooting him before she spoke. "Let me guess. Captain Can-Do over here forgot to mention that this was a homing operation." She chuffed a bit before more fully turning her attention to Buffy. "But it is nice to finally meet you, by the way. Knife."

Riley silently placed a knife into the woman's outstretched hand.

"What is a homing operation?" Buffy asked.

"It's my fault. I should have explained."

"That would have saved me some trouble," Buffy sighed. "Why'd you let me ask you about your dental plan instead of giving me all of the deets?"

Riley almost thought he heard Sam chuckle before she sliced open the demon's stomach with the knife he'd handed her. "Damn. We're too late."

Sam stood, turning her attention to her fellow soldier once more. "Finn, how could you recruit the Slayer without filling her in on the objective?"

"That'd be my question," Buffy added.

"If we weren't under severe time constraints I'd seriously think about ripping you a new one," Sam fumed.

"Good thing we've got to get a move on, then."

"Later." Sam squinted at Riley before letting it go for now. "We better regroup. Buffy, I hate to impose further, but... you got a safe house?"

"Ughh, I have a house. I—I think it's safe. Sometimes you can't even leave." Buffy grinned, the only one in on her joke. "I need to call home and see if it's okay that you guys stay, though, considering I'm not the only one who lives there."

"I know the way," Riley said. "You give us the go-ahead and we'll head that way. And I'll fill you in. On everything."

Buffy nodded. "There's a couple things you might want to be filled in on, too."

Buffy borrowed the phone in Riley's SUV once they'd made it top side again, standing far enough away and speaking quietly enough that Riley couldn't make out what she was saying. Her posture, though, was more relaxed than he'd seen it all night, even with the grumpy pout she was wearing. He figured she and Dawn must have gotten a lot closer since the passing of their mother.

"You guys have gotten the all-clear," Buffy said when she came back to them, so they loaded themselves into the van and set off for the Summers residence.

When they got there, Buffy walked them through the front door, Willow and Xander coming over from the kitchen. "Hey, there's the man!" Xander said as he shook Riley's hand. "Life taker, heartbreaker. You know, figuratively speaking."

"Xander, Sam. Willow," Riley introduced them.

"Hi," Sam said, waving at the two.

Willow gave Riley a hug once Xander had moved away. "We got the call to come over just in time."

Xander nodded his confirmation. "We're here to help. Just like old times."

Riley shot him a smile. "Buffy says you're getting hitched. Congratulations."

Xander thanked him, and they all moved into the living room. Riley watched Buffy as she pulled Willow aside, speaking in low and agitated tones. He took a moment to try and piece together what they were talking about, but when he found that to be fruitless, began looking around the room instead. It was different since the last time he was here, which was to be expected since the loss of Joyce. The movie cupboard was open and in disarray, which he'd never seen before. There were house slippers tucked under the couch and engraved weapons displayed on the wall. The room looked freshly swept and mopped, but like it hadn't been dusted in too long.

The girls came back to the rest of the group and they all sat on the couches and chairs. Riley was the one to speak first. "Sam and I have been tracking a Suvolte demon through Central America. Basically a killing machine. Nearly mature."

Sam nodded along with what he was saying. "Yeah, three months old and growing fast."

"These things start to kill the minute they're hatched, and leave a real clear trail. Just follow the villages with nothing in them but body parts."

"So, somebody's looking for payback?" Willow asked.

Sam shook her head. "No. It came here to the Hellmouth to spawn, but we think it already hatched its eggs somewhere."

"The plan was to track it," Riley said. "Let the demon take us to its nest. There's going to be a bunch of very hungry little nibblers running around unless we stop it."

"Which means we have to find the nest, and fast, before Sunnydale turns into the Trouble Meat Palace," Buffy added.

Everyone stopped to look at Buffy.

"What?" She said. "I've been eating there lately, okay? The extra disgusting calories are needed after patrol, sometimes."

Willow smirked at her. "Is that the only activity you need extra calories for, lately?"

Riley watched Buffy's face flush a pretty pink, feeling left out again and liking it even less this time.

Xander rubbed his palms on his pant legs. "Okay, so we track down the demon, find the nest, G.I. Jane and Joe here make with the kill, and everyone goes home happy."

"We can't track the demon," Buffy said. "I killed it."

Buffy moved as if to hide her face behind her hair before remembering it was too short. "So! Who's hungry? We got plenty of leftovers, and pantry things that I completely don't know how to cook, and—"

"She can pour cereal real well," Willow teased.

"All you can eat." Buffy smiled.

"Buffy?" Sam waited to continue until the girl was looking in her eye. "It's good that you killed the Suvolte before it killed us. Really. Thank you."

Buffy sent her a smile, and her shoulders dropped back down to where they normally sat. "So, no one's feeling dinner-ready?" The silence that answered her was still awkward, but now sympathetic. "Okay, demon eggs. Any timetable on when they're gonna hatch?"

"Hatching's not the problem," Riley said.

Sam was nodding again. "We think they're gonna be sold on the black market. There are some foreign military powers that would love to have their own Suvolte. You could never train it, but drop it on an urban population…"

"And it cleanses the area," Riley finished.

"Is that a nice way of saying it kills people?" Xander asked.

"Lots of 'em. Money's been exchanged. There's a dealer in town, calls himself the The Master. Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell?" Riley said.

Xander and Willow turned wide eyes to Buffy, clearly knowing something that Riley and Sam did not.

"Did you just say…" Buffy said slowly. "The Master?"

Sam nodded to confirm, and Buffy set her lips in a line. "I know him. And I need to make a phone call."

The room was awkwardly silent after Buffy stepped out. Willow picked at her nails, her voice small. "I, ugh, can't do the magicks."

"Oh," Sam said. "Riley says you're comin' on as one major-league Wicca."

Willow looked at her hands in her lap. "I got addicted. The way addicts do." She cleared her throat, adding a false pep to her voice. "So! Leftovers, like Buffy said. We had a big group dinner last night, lots of tupperwares in the fridge. I'll start warming things up."

It was a few more minutes before Buffy came back to the living room. "Riley, you should come into the dinning room with me. We need to talk."

Riley followed her, the oddity of the entire situation settling over him.

"I'm going to need you to stay calm." Buffy said once they were alone. "Uh… You know how I said I died?"

"I might have been trying to figure that story out."

"I really did," Buffy said. "A big apocalypse the spring after you left. I… didn't make it."

Riley couldn't keep the disbelief off his face. Buffy smiley wryly. "I know, I look very much of the living now. But I wasn't… for almost five months."

"Five months?" Riley felt like he was choking on the words.

"Yeah," Buffy smiled, looking more embarrassed than anything else. "But that's not the point right now. The point is, I'm the slayer, and the hellmouth has been crazy volatile since it got messed with while I was in high school. It's dangerous, Riley. Big time badness. As soon as I was gone, this place was chaos. It was an all out battle to see who was going to get control over the hellmouth now that the slayer was out of their way. I'm told there was a demon biker gang and everything."

"Buffy, I'm so sorry, I can't believe—”

Buffy held her hand up. "Still trying to get to the point. Someone needed to be in charge of this town without me here. Someone had to step up to make it safe, and Faith was still in jail."

Buffy brought her hand back down, opening her mouth a few times as if she was wary to say what came next. "That someone was Spike, Riley. The Master was the first dude in charge of this hellmouth, he's the one who made it so powerful, and I killed him. Spike is a direct descendant of his, so when crap hit the fan, he kind of just took up the mantle. Some like, vampire birthright or something? It kind of confuses me when he tries to explain it."

"Spike." Riley knew this probably wasn't even half of the story, and it already felt like too much information for him. "Spike is the Master."

"But it's not like that!" Buffy huffed. "I know what you're thinking, but he's not an arms dealer. He's like… a governor, or something. He makes rules and kills demons that don't follow them. And there's this growl thing he does when he wants them to extra listen, and it actually makes them. Compels them to."

Riley blinked, feeling like there was nothing else his body could do. "Do you realize how you sound right now? It turns out the guy who's trying to sell demon weapons to foreign military powers is Spike, but he wouldn't ever do that because sometimes he growls?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying!" Buffy grunted. "He's on his way over right now and I'm sure he can explain better than I can. He said he knows what eggs you're talking about but that it's already taken care of."

"How can you believe anything he says?"

"Because he did all of this for Dawn," Buffy said. "I was gone, and he stayed here to take care of her. Our own father didn't even call her. Spike took over Sunnydale to keep her from getting caught in the cross hairs of this town becoming an all-out infestation. He kept this town and everyone in it safe while I wasn't here. He wouldn't go around selling demon weapons of mass destruction after that."

"So our contacts just made up the fact that The Master is an arms dealer?"

Buffy stomped her foot in frustration. "Spike wouldn't do that. That's not how he is. In all his century and a half of existence, weapons were never something he cared about. When we used to fight to the death, we would even purposely not use weapons. It's just not him."

"Right. Deadly, amoral, opportunistic Spike. Why would he ever do something evil for his own gain? Have you just completely forgotten what he is?"

"God, you're not even listening to me!" Buffy was shouting now. "Have you comprehended a single thing I've said to you? Have you ever listened to me when I speak?"

Riley scoffed. "This is not at all how I pictured any of this going. Not this mission, and not seeing you again, and certainly not you harboring and defending a hostile again."

"What did you think was going to happen here, Riley?" Buffy was shooting him a look that could kill. "That everything would be exactly the same as it was almost a year ago? That you'd swoop in and save the day, rubbing in my face what a good hero you are?"

"I thought you were going to miss me!" He was shouting now, too. "I thought with me being gone, you'd realize how much you wish you'd prioritized us. That you'd finally be ready to be with me and settle down."

"Prioritize us?" Buffy said incredulously. "Do you realize how many things I had going on that were more important than a relationship? My mom was sick, and that sickness ended up killing her, in case you forgot. A literal hellgod was after my sister, which ended up killing me. I constantly have the entire world to save, and every single life in this town to protect. Every. Single. Day."

Riley felt the expression on his face turn cold. "So we're just going to wait around here until a demon shows up and expect him to tell the truth?"

"I trust him," Buffy said, equally as cold.

"You trust him?"

"A lot has changed in the last year," Buffy said simply.

"So what, you're with him now?" Riley spat. "He stalked you long enough to wear you down? Or were you always just waiting until it was time to let a vampire crawl back inside?"

Riley heard the sound of the slap before he felt the sting of it on his face. It was disorienting, the power in a blow so small. Buffy was outside before Riley could even see the space in front of him again.

…

Leftovers were warmed and eaten, dishes were washed, and the tv was playing an action movie for the sake of a distraction. Riley had asked many times how long it was going to be before Buffy or Spike got there, and if any of them realized the absurdity of sitting around and waiting for the exact person they were hunting down to just show up. He got variations of the same answer each time.

Apparently, when Buffy got really big emotions, she disappeared with Spike and refused to see any of them. She would be gone for hours at a time, and when she’d come back she was always somber for at least the rest of the day.

Willow's addition to that answer, on the third or fourth time he'd asked, was enough to get him to finally stop asking. "It makes sense. If I had overwhelming depression from being pulled out of heaven, I'd want to run away sometimes, too."

Heaven? Riley sat in shock for a while after that. Not only had Buffy been dead for nearly half a year, but in heaven for that long? Heaven was even real?

Sam was the first to truly break the silence, her words sounding calm and calculated to Riley's ears. "So, what's this guy’s story? He started off evil like any other HST, didn't he?"

"Super evil," Willow nodded. "He kidnapped us and held a broken bottle to my face and everything."

"I was also there," Xander added. "That definitely happened."

Dawn, who'd gotten home from her friend's house a few minutes prior, was smirking at them from behind her book. "He was only ever nice to and had hot chocolate with me and Mom when he was trying to kill Buffy. Guess you guys just weren't likable enough."

"So becoming chipped is what changed him?" Sam asked.

Xander looked to Willow, shrugging. "Yes, no. He needed us after he got the chip so he didn't die, and then he was just kind of around all the time but didn't actually want to help us."

"And even before the chip, he'd already helped us stop an apocalypse," Willow added.

"He changed because he wanted to," Dawn said, flipping the page on her book. "Because he cares about us."

Riley couldn't help rolling his eyes. "You mean he became obsessed with your sister?"

Dawn's eyes cut to him, her book lowering to her lap. "No. I mean he cared about me. You know, while she was completely unattainable because she wasn't alive? And he was here, taking me grocery shopping and cooking dinner and making me brush my teeth."

Sam thanked them for their information, her tone gentle and civil. She explained that there really was a time crunch, and if Buffy or Spike weren't going to be here to sort out the details of the apparent misunderstanding, she and Riley really would have to get back to their search for those eggs.

"He's the one who decided to yell at Buffy." Dawn motioned her head at Riley before hiding her face behind her book again.

They'd hardly had time to move towards the door when Spike came through it. "Captain Cardboard. Hey now, if I'd'a known you were coming, I'd've baked a cake."

Riley took in the other man's body language. Puffed up, angry, posturing. He could play it that way, too. "What the hell is going on here, Spike?'

"Clock ticking, mission needs seeing to?" Spike hummed in pseudo consideration. "Here I thought we'd run you out of town, mate. Last time I saw you, if memory serves, you were getting the juice sucked out of you by some undead ladies of very questionable reputation."

"By mission parameters I have authorization to take the Master out," Riley spat. "Buffy says that's you. I think it's about time we get to it."

Spike grinned, almost gleefully, his shoulders twitching at the very idea. "I'd like to see you try. Got any more wood grain plastic, pillock?"

"I think we all need to take a break." Sam stepped between the two, her arms slightly outstretched. "We're supposedly all on the same side."

"Best listen to your new lady, Finn," Spike mocked.

Riley looked around the room, remembering how outnumbered he was.

"With how much history is here, I think I'll be asking the questions, okay?" Sam said, looking to Spike. He nodded, sending another glare in Riley's direction before slinking onto the couch.

Riley stood near the foyer, close enough to hear everything but far enough away to keep his cool. He leaned on the archway, listening to Spike spin his tale. How he handles a lot of inter-species dealings now that he's in charge of the demon community in these parts. How there was a race here, ancient and powerful, that centered their rituals around consuming powerful creatures. Spike explained to them how he oversaw the ritual himself to make sure they were all eaten, and how there had already been a team of demons ready to dispose of the mom whenever she laid the eggs, but the stupid cowards were scared off by the Initiative pair.

"And why would you need to be facilitating insane demon rituals?" Riley shot off once the story had seemed to come to its close.

"To prevent war, idiot," Spike pursed his lips. "Slayer says that's what you all are here for as well, 'cept you're worried about the human types.

"You lot only see your science, looking at us like animals. Think only people can have politics. We see it for what it truly is. Generations of tradition and culture, backed by enough power to decimate this town if the right people were wronged. Hellmouth attracts the worst of the worst. Why the bleeding hell do you think the slayer was stationed in this two-bit town?"

"Do you have the remains?" Sam asked, her words as controlled as they had been since Spike arrived. "You understand that we can't leave this up to chance, we have to verify that there aren't any Solutes left to threaten this country."

"Nothing left," Spike answered her. "And if you try to ask them about it, you'll be dead on the spot. The slayer can probably get an audience with them if she wants, and I'll just have to deal with being on their bad side about it for a while."

"I'll need to wire Buffy, then, to make sure we get all the information we need.” Sam stood, her eyes going to Riley. "I think we've gotten everything we're going to get from this today. How about we head over to the Sunnydale inn and check back here tomorrow?"

Riley thought, for just a moment, to insist that Buffy had offered them an invitation to sleep here earlier in the evening. But even he knew that invitation had been revoked with her hand across his face. So he nodded curtly, spinning to open the door without sending any of them a backwards glance.

…

Sam and Riley talked while they wrote their reports the next morning. They'd split up and gone to different establishments after leaving the Summers household, trying to get as much information as possible to corroborate the story that they'd been fed. Both of them came up with the same thing: Spike was indeed in charge of Sunnydale, and he was indeed doing a proactive job running it.

"Did you read the report we got sent from HQ about the original master?" Sam asked.

Riley hummed a noncommittal noise. "Ready to head over?"

"Let the chaos recommence."

…

“Does he really need to be here for this?” Riley asked petulantly as he messed with the electronic setup on Buffy's dining room table.

"Of course he does, he lives here," Dawn said with a flip of her hair.

"He… What?" Riley said slowly.

"What, like it's a secret? I was just supposed to be here by myself after my guardian wasn't alive?" Dawn replied.

"And Spike was the next best option? Not anyone else around here?" Riley's voice felt panicked as it left his mouth.

"None of the rest of them wanted me." Dawn stuck her nose in the air.

"Dawnie, it wasn't like that at all—” Willow began.

"I don't want to hear it." Dawn held her hand up in the air. "I know exactly what that social worker was doing here, and I know exactly who it was that kept them from taking me."

Spike sounded different to Riley’s ears than he'd ever heard him before when he spoke to Dawn directly. "None of that now, Nibblet. I seem to remember them more than making up for it with those super-fabu-special trips to the mall that you insisted on once a week until school started again."

Dawn smiled at him affectionately, her face clearly attempting to show more annoyance at him than she could muster. "I only called it that one time, you don't have to keep picking on me about it."

Conversation came to a stop when Buffy’s voice came through the speakers again. “I'm getting ready to go inside. You guys better keep your ears peeled because I'm not coming back here again after this.”

Riley tried to center his focus on the screen and the fuzzy frame they could see on the military grade computer. There was an ornately dressed demon coming to speak with Buffy, mostly empty please tries as she was escorted to a room of more importance.

He sighed to himself, choosing to block out the sound of Xander telling Spike about some wedding magazine his fiance had started reading. He insisted that Spike not go with Buffy to this meeting, that he didn't trust him and didn't want him interfering in any way with the information Buffy might get, but he didn't realize that meant he'd have to be around him himself.

They all listened as Buffy introduced herself, seeming completely out of place with the demons who spoke in formal and proper sentences. She explained the situation quickly, that she'd had the government come in and ask questions about some demon eggs Spike had given them and needed to know the whole situation from their point of view.

The way she was talking to those things like they were people made Riley's mouth taste sour.

"Ah, I see," a deep and otherworldly voice resonated, the sound quality cracking like it was never meant to be recorded. "You'll want to tell your soldiers to contact Admiral Djarin and ask him exactly how the Imper’Gen operate. And believe me when I say they will be out of your town as soon as they do."

"Okay," Buffy said casually. "Thanks for letting me be annoying, and for helping me out. And for not, you know, making any slayage have to happen between you and I. See you next time, I guess."

“Hopefully not, Slayer.”

There were sounds of shuffling and walking before static took over, signaling that Buffy had switched her microphone off. Her visual output stayed on a little longer, the screen displaying her voyage back to a regular street corner before it cut as well.

Riley had no idea who the hell General Djarin was, and he was a little sick of being sent by Buffy on these wild goose chases around every turn.

…

Riley stepped outside while waiting for Buffy to return, not surprised to see Spike under the same tree he used to stalk Buffy under before.

"Gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh?" Spike pressed his tongue to his smirk. "Me and your former? Must kill. But what can I say? Girl just needs a little monster in her man."

Riley worked his jaw, trying to resist the temptation to get physical.

"Now, be a good tin soldier and be on your way." Spike made a shooing gesture with his hands. “The Slayer isn't going to be back until you're not here, so there's no use in dragging your feet.”

…

He and Sam had gone back to the hotel and called their superior who had then connected them to the general they requested, and nearly as soon as they had told him what species they were dealing with they were promptly ordered out of sunnydale. No explanation, no red tape, no closing tasks. If the Imper’Gen were in a town, the U.S. government absolutely could not be there, end of story.

Riley checked out of his room early, leaving Sam to finish off their paperwork while he went back over to Revello Drive. Even with how upside down everything had gone, he had to try one last time.

He had to ask Buffy to come with him.

…

She just stared at him.

He'd laid his cards out on the table, told her that he still wanted her and that she should come back with him, and she was just staring at him.

“Are you… serious?” She asked.

“Buffy—”

“Oh my god, you are.” She gaped. “May I remind you again that I died? That a god from hell opened a portal that was going to suck the whole world in, and I died to stop it? And you want me to what, walk away from the hellmouth to run around the globe and play house with you?”

“You seem to think the hellmouth is doing just fine under its new management,” He said bitterly.

“That's another great point, actually, under the column of you can't possibly be serious.” Buffy crossed her arms. “Spike, who took care of my family and my friends the whole time I was dead. Spike, who was left in the dark about plans to bring me back to life because he never would have let them do something like that to me. Spike, who turned the demon community in this town upside down just to make it a safer place for my sister to be! Why the hell would I leave him to be with you?”

“It’s not like it's a real relationship, is it?” Riley said. “You went through a lot. He was useful, and he was there. But he's still a vampire. Don't you want more?”

“You truly never understood me at all.” Buffy was staring at him again, this open and vulnerable and sad look that enthralled him. “Leave town, Riley. Don't come back. Not as a soldier, and not as a civilian. If there's anything the military wants from me you can give me a call.”

“Please, just—”

“Goodbye, Riley.”

…

Sam didn't speak to him in the chopper, and Riley wasn't upset at that. He looked through some old files, checked the updates on other soldiers' missions, read a few reports on what they had missed on other continents. In between all of them, he couldn't keep his mind off of her.

How had he made such a mess of getting her back? How had the life she was living been so unrecognizable in such a short amount of time? Especially considering the fact that she wasn't even there for half of it. And picturing her in a grave made him so uncomfortable he started to wish Sam would speak to him after all.

Spike. Of course it at all tied back to fucking Spike. His pride was hurt just as much as he was confused, but he knew when to cut his losses. For whatever reason, instead of her heart growing fonder with his absence, the demon had won out over Riley. It was done. Further than he would be able to come back from.

Maybe he would name a kid after her one day.

…

“He's a right pillock. Can't believe he said that to you. I still want to knock a few screws loose. Maybe throw some electronics in his brain, see how he likes it.”

“I think you might have to get in line. Dawn keeps scowling at the door like she's waiting for him to come back so she can yell at him.”

“Yeah, well I think she needs to get in line behind me.”

“Or, could we just never see him or think about him ever again for our whole lives?”

“Hm, that does sound nice.”

“You know, I've been waiting for my hello kiss since you got here, and I haven't gotten it still. We've been cuddling for… twenty minutes? And no smooch!”

“Oh, yes, that's unforgivable. Let me fix that right away.”