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You‘d think that someone with Akechi‘s public image would be more careful about concealing the fact that he‘s going to FeatherCon, but no, Joker‘s stupidity has rubbed off on Akechi to the point where he genuinely thought that putting on a mask, glasses and a hat would hide his identity.
That said, his fans somehow genuinely didn’t catch on at all. The problem is that recently, Akechi has made social contacts that aren‘t colleagues or fans. He has an enemy (?).
So when Akechi approaches the limited merchandise store and comes face-to-face with Joker‘s shit-eating grin, he knows he‘s fucked up.
“Welcome! What will it be, Crow?“
Once more, Akechi considers screwing the plan and just killing the bastard right then and there. But wasting years of effort because of this guy would be the same as letting him win, and that is just not an option.
So Akechi scowls, because wearing a mask makes that possible, and in his most saccharine voice, he says, “I didn’t know the service here included strange nicknames for customers as of late.”
”We do a lot of quality assurance to ensure our customers' utmost satisfaction. Well, at least I do.”
Bullshit. And yet again against Akechi’s better judgment, because he refuses to lose to Joker’s bullshit, he grabs the Black Condor mug, the Black Condor cap and finally, the full-size Red Hawk towel. So much for Akechi’s dignity.
“That’ll be 20,110 ¥, but I might feel like using my employee discount on your behalf if you decide to grab lunch with me after my shift ends.” Joker begins slowly folding the towel, humming along to the Featherman opening playing in the background.
Akechi considers this. Shido has his eyes on Akechi’s bank account, and while most of this is Metaverse money, this purchase will be a lot easier to hide if it costs less.
“Now there would be no point in taking that bargain, would there? The price of the lunch would negate any saving done on the cost of the merchandise.”
”My treat.”
”Now we’re talking.” Akechi’s ire directed at himself for still operating on old habits of experiencing scarcity in his childhood non-withstanding, this genuinely is a good deal. Almost as good as that time he helped Joker with some stupid Mementos-related crime and got coffee and curry for it.
Akechi is only doing this because it’s a good deal. He’s doing it because it’s a good deal and because his plan does hinge on Joker trusting him.
If that was all, why would you drop part of the mask around him?
Akechi does not grace that thought with a reply. In fact, it would be lovely if his subconscious, or rather, his personas would cease to prod at him for anything Joker-related.
But life isn’t so easy, and when Joker hands him his bag and his receipt with a tiny doodle of the Phantom Thieves logo on it, Akechi knows that this will be a long, long day.
”I’ll message you when my shift ends.”
Akechi would like to say something about Joker being needy or whatever, just to get on his nerves, but Akechi “I’m alone right now” Goro unfortunately has no leg to stand on in this.
So instead, Akechi says,”Take your time, I’m sure your teammates will come along eventually, too.”
Damn, that also sounded pathetic.
Before Joker has the chance to reply, Akechi walks off, taking a quick exit to avoid the humiliation.
Several photos of Red Hawk cosplayers later, Akechi does get a text.
>> i’m alone right now
Once more, Akechi questions whether punching Joker is worth jeopardizing the plan. Probably not.
<< Hahaha. I presume that was meant to be an imitation of me?
>> akechi you can stop pretending. it’s just us
It would be a nice joke if Joker didn’t seem to be entirely earnest about it. Alas, the amount of layers Akechi hides under only exist in multitudes, and peeling back one layer just reveals another.
<< I have no idea what you’re talking about. That said, what are we grabbing for lunch?
>> conveyor belt sushi
>> unless you want the red hawk feather curry from feathercafé
<< I’m meeting you at the café.
It would be nice if Akechi could convince Joker that he is not a diehard Red fan. Unfortunately, the towel he bought tells a different story.
Once Akechi enters FeatherCafé, he is greeted by Joker waiting at the table that’s closest to the life-size Red Hawk standee. This time, Akechi can’t even be mad.
Well, he can be exasperated, and he shows it in the way he sits down with a sigh, crossing his legs and carefully taking off his face mask.
“Good to see you, too,” Joker says, playing with a lock of his hair.
Infuriating.
As if on cue, the waiter appears and presents Akechi with a mug of coffee with latte art of the Featherman logo, as well as the Red Hawk FeatherCurry. (It looks even better in person.)
Now Akechi obviously can’t post about this on social media because that would be career suicide, but he can take a picture for his personal use.
”I tried telling them how you like your coffee and curry, but apparently it’s all pre-made, so I can’t vouch for how good it is.”
Across from him, Joker is playing with the spoon of his Black Condor parfait. If this wasn’t Joker, Akechi would think this is flirting, but with this many people vying for his affections, Akechi can only surmise that Joker is trying to annoy him.
Akechi takes a bite of the curry. “It’s… palatable.”
It’s really not. It was subpar to begin with, and it only got worse from Akechi having previously had the curry at LeBlanc.
”So it sucks.”
“If it sucked, I wouldn’t be eating it.” Incorrect. Akechi has eaten half-burnt food made by his mother before, because she would’ve broken down and Akechi wouldn’t have had food otherwise. Fortunately, Akechi is able to suppress the urge of talking to Joker about it for once.
Akechi eyes the coffee with apprehension, but he’s had so much bad coffee that this cannot actually be undrinkable. And indeed, when he tries it, it's actually not that bad. It’s painfully mediocre, sure, but what isn’t in Akechi’s life?
(Probably Joker’s coffee.)
And as if reading Akechi’s mind, Joker goes, “The biggest merit to machine-brewed coffee is that there is no way it’ll be undrinkable.”
“You’d be surprised at what Sae-san can do.”
”Such as?”
”Drowning the coffee in sugar and milk.”
Joker looks as appalled by these barbaric coffee practices as Akechi feels. ”Yeah… That’s not coffee.”
“For someone like me, machines carry a lot of convenience as hand-brewing does take time and experience. But I suppose for you it would be an even more drastic issue as this is your craft of choice.”
”My craft of choice is thievery, actually.” Joker smirks, and Akechi can tell he’s trying to get a reaction.
Fine, he’ll bite. “Well, not for long. After we change Sae-san’s heart, you’ll have to find a new occupation.”
Joke doesn’t bother to reply to that, instead he looks at Akechi, mischief apparent in his eyes. Akechi is well-aware that Joker has no intention to quit. Then again, does dying count as quitting?
(And if Akechi continues that logic, does that mean choosing to have his last act be Shido’s destruction is equivalent to quitting?)
”It’s rare to see you brood in public.”
”Excuse me?”
”You heard me.” Joker spins the dumb spoon again, and not for the last time, Akechi thinks that Joker would look a lot better if he was brought to his knees.
”Well, I was lost in thoughts. I still am a celebrity, you know?”
Joker chuckles, like he’s seeing right through Akechi’s bullshit. But there’s no way that’d be the case, is there? Because if Joker was even close to being onto Akechi, he wouldn’t make a point of accepting Akechi’s invitations.
(Now that Akechi thinks about it, Joker has never rejected one of his invitations unless he was doing something Metaverse related.)
”Well, the parfait is great. But you don’t particularly enjoy sweets, do you?”
”I’ll admit I am a little curious, but not enough to order one for myself.”
Akechi has made the critical mistake of averting his eyes from Joker, because the next thing he feels is the cold metal of Joker’s spoon against his lips. “Try some.”
Refusing would make more of a scene than just taking it— at least that’s how Akechi justifies it— and so he opens his mouth.
…It tastes like poppy seeds, vanilla and— with no small amount of mixed feelings on Akechi’s part— an indirect kiss with Joker.
Thinking about that is childish, clearly, but Joker’s smirk tells him he's not the only one thinking about it. Ridiculous.
“…It’s alright.” It certainly would be nice to put on social media, but that would destroy Akechi’s image within seconds. An inacceptable outcome.
(Then again, being here at all is a large risk to begin with, and Akechi’s has no way to justify it other than “My mother promised we’d go to FeatherCon together someday, clearly I am just honoring her wish.”.)
But Akechi says none of that, and Joker returns to eating his parfait.
Which is when it occurs to Akechi. “Wait, you’re into Featherman?”
”No, but you are. And Futaba is. I took the job because I wanted to get some more weapons and also to pick up some merch.”
”For Sakura-san?”
”Her, too, but I think she ordered most of it from the official store already.” Having finished the parfait, Joker goes back to spinning his spoon. “So mostly you, really.”
”Excuse me?”
”I figured you’d be too busy to come,” Joker adjusts his glasses, which Akechi is aware is somewhat of a nervous habit of his. “But I’m glad you came. I hadn’t realised you like Red Hawk that much.”
”Oh, you misunderstand— it is little more than a bit of childhood nostalgia. And besides, knowing about it makes me more relatable to younger fans.”
Joker chuckles as if Akechi just told a mediocre joke.
”What’s so funny?”
”It’s amazing that you can say that with a straight face.”
If Akechi didn’t know better, he’d think that Joker actually knows him, that he’s seen right through him, like he’s in on the joke that is his own inevitable demise in November.
But that would be ridiculous, right? There’s no way Joker would do all this if he knew even a little of who Akechi truly is.
Joker leans back ever so slightly. ”I can tell you didn’t like hearing that.”
“What an astute observation.”
”What can I say? I’m a jack of all trades.”
”Master of none?” Akechi realizes that this sort of inane bickering does not align with his persona in any way whatsoever, but he can’t quite help himself around Joker.
And stopping now would be even more suspicious, wouldn’t it?
So Akechi chooses to continue digging his grave, because after all, it is a shared one. Joker will die at Akechi’s hands, and Akechi will accept whatever punishment fate has in store for him. For being the failure he is, for being the true reason why his mother chose to kill herself, for having made a friend he knows he has to betray.
Why does this idiot trust him?
”Earth to Akechi?” Suddenly, Joker is way too close to him, and Akechi, again, wishes he could shoot Joker right away. Or himself. Or both. Both sounds good.
“Ah, my apologies. I may have been lost in thoughts.”
”Stop that.” Joker isn’t looking at him, but Akechi can tell he must’ve hit a nerve.
”Stop what?”
”Stop the detective prince act. You’re undercover, remember?”
Akechi suspects he knows where this is going, and if he does, that would be both a blessing and a curse. “Why would it bother you?”
”I’m friends with Akechi Goro, not the detective prince.”
Bingo. Joker thinks he knows Akechi. Laughable, yet not entirely untrue. He knows the more inoffensive parts of Akechi’s personality, but he doesn’t know the whole of it, and he never will.
At least he won’t have to live with the pain of being betrayed— if anything, Akechi is doing him a favor.
Instead of giving a potentially incriminating response, Akechi chooses to smile, and as he does, he can tell this is not the correct smile.
And Joker? Joker looks elated.
”Well, we’ve been here for long enough, I’ll be taking my leave before someone spots us.”
”My shift just ended, I’ll just pay and then come along.”
Great. Joker is definitely trying to bait Akechi into hanging out with him. One on one.
…Something is off. “Where is that cat of yours?”
”With Futaba.”
“You only make him leave when you are with me.”
The mischief in Joker’s eyes is apparent. That bastard. ”Yeah, so? I am with you right now.”
”Morgana was not there earlier, either.” Akechi crosses his arms, and he realises this argument is meaningless.
”I think the better question to ask would be why you’re so sure I only send Morgana home when I am with you.”
Fuck. Akechi messed up. There is no way to explain that he has been following Joker around that doesn’t immediately blow his cover, doesn’t sound creepy and doesn’t sound like he’s obsessed with Joker. Because he isn’t obsessed with Joker. Clearly.
You are, though. Akechi ignores the part of his subconscious that supplied this, seemingly a moment of Robin Hood and Loki agreeing. Or maybe it’s just Akechi’s messed up self-sabotage. Or both.
”I won’t make you answer, don’t worry about it.”
Has Joker seen through him? Akechi runs through the possibilities, cursing that he is not carrying a gun right now, that he can’t pull them into the Metaverse right there and then, that he can’t shove Joker against a wall and—
Wait, that’s wrong.
“Hey, isn’t that Akechi?”
”Wait, really? The detective prince?”
Akechi is about to run off, but Joker grabs him by the arm and shakes his head. “That’s even more obvious.”
”Then what do you suggest I do,” Akechi hisses, dangerously close to being himself in public (unacceptable!), “let the tabloids have their way with it?”
”You’re a phantom thief now, think out of the box for once.” Joker pulls Akechi close, their noses touching and whether Akechi’s heart beats stronger due to bloodlust or regular lust is a question that will not be answered for quite a while. Or ever.
“What are you—“
Joker cups Akechi’s face and pulls him into a kiss.
Now Akechi could reject, but he shouldn’t because yes, this is a great cover, and also, he kind of—
(Likes it?)
—thinks it will further the perfection of his plan for November 20th; will make Joker follow his heart over the better judgement of his teammates (mostly Sakura, the younger Niijima and maybe the cat, too, really).
At the slightest prodding from Joker, Akechi parts his lips, is— no, acts!— needy for it, and clearly this is all because Joker’s hands obscure his more identifiable features and not because Akechi likes it, because that would be ridiculous.
And Joker? Joker appears to be giving it his all as well, until he abruptly breaks the kiss like it’s nothing.
Akechi can tell his expression reflects his feelings, because Joker smirks, and this time, he’s sure that it’s bloodlust.
”They left,” Joker clarifies, “Said they must’ve mistaken you for the detective prince.”
”Why did you do that?”
”That time I messed up your hair, it also worked.”
”That is a completely different thing. That aside, couldn’t you have just pretended to kiss me, if that was the intention?”
Akechi isn’t fishing for validation here, at least that’s what he tells himself. He’s asking for clarity, that is all.
”I mean, I wanted to kiss you. And you wanted to hear this answer.”
“Excuse me?”
”I’m right.” Joker adjusts his glasses, and Akechi’s subconscious has clearly managed to affect his active thoughts by now, because he is pondering if Joker would look hot after Akechi punches him in the face, bruises and all.
This is bad. This is really bad.
Joker leans in closer once more, and he quietly says, “Could you show up as early as possible at the interrogation room, by the way? I’d like to skip most of the police brutality.”
Akechi’s impulse is to shove Joker away, because this is the one outcome he wasn’t prepared for. They’re in public, going to the Metaverse is risky. Making a scene draws too much attention. Joker, as a persona user, obviously doesn’t have a palace, so a mental shutdown is also out of the question.
(And, Akechi thinks, it would be an unsatisfying end to this dance of theirs.)
Joker has seemingly decided that pressing Akechi closer against him is productive. It’s not. Akechi wishes his heart would stop beating, that Joker would stop existing, that this entire convention gets crushed by some sort of freak accident so they can finally go at it, until lust turns to bloodlust, until Akechi has Joker on his knees and he can finally, finally deal the finishing blow.
Apparently, he’s been spacing out for too long again, because Joker continues. “You won’t kill me here, because that would interfere with your employer’s plan. All I ask is that you arrive early and follow the plan as originally intended.”
“So you want a mercy kill? Is that it? Have you truly sunken so low as to—”
“Don’t misunderstand. I intend to meet you at Jazz Jin the day after.”
“What makes you think you’ll survive?”
Joker finally lets Akechi out of his ridiculously intimate embrace, and he’s smiling. “I have your glove.”
That? That, of all things?
Akechi can feel the mask slipping in record time as he contemplates choking Joker, getting choked by Joker, dragging Joker to his apartment right now or, alternatively, spontaneously ceasing to exist.
“You’re ridiculous. If you know this much, you should know that I was just getting close to you for the sake of the plan.”
“I mean, yeah, your employer wanted to paint the Phantom Thieves as the perpetrator of your crimes.” Joker stares at Akechi, and somehow even that is too intimate. “But that and this are different things. I told you, we’re rivals.”
“...We are.”
“But,” Joker’s rather serious expression wanes in favor of a smirk. “Based on what just happened… Your place or mine?”
This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous, and it shouldn’t happen, and Akechi feels joy, because finally, finally he can tear Joker apart, one way or the other, and forget himself as well, just for a little while.
“Mine. You live in an attic.”
“You’re not wrong.” Joker begins to walk, and then he stops, as if he’d remembered something. “I don’t know if you have my phone bugged, Futaba, but if you do, this didn’t happen and if it did happen, you didn’t know about it.”
That answers how Akechi’s cover got blown, at least.
He sighs, and he can truly feel the remains of his mask slipping away as he does. “Way to kill the mood.”
“So you agree there was a mood.”
“I did not say that.”
“You kind of did.”
Sure, maybe Joker will wind up dead in that interrogation room. But he’s Joker, and somehow Akechi wants to believe that he’s going to show up at Jazz Jin after everything is said and done.
For now, Akechi won’t say no to being propositioned like this. If anyone finds out, it’s part of the plan… if the word “plan” is used very liberally.