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AITA for Ripping My Son’s Arm Off?
Posted by u/Throwaway_V_AnO 14 hours ago…
(Asshole)
I (43M) need advice on how to mend my relationship with my estranged son Nathan (24M). I was pointed towards this “reddit” website by my younger brother David (also 43M), who insists that posting here would be a great starting point. I am unfamiliar with using the internet, as it is very different from what I remember, so disregard whatever site rules I am not using.
For background information, Nathan and I met for the first time last year. And at the time, neither of us knew that we were blood related, and I was in a very poor state of health. All I knew was that he was in possession of something that belonged to me, and in order to recover physically I needed it back. With the information I had at the time I had thought he had stolen it, and acted accordingly. It led to a serious altercation between the two of us, where I proceeded to rip his arm off his body. Nathan ended up comatose from our first fight for the next few weeks. He has since made a full recovery.
Well, that’s what I had believed. But now I know that isn’t the case. It turns out, after returning from dealing with pressing matters that required me to be away for some months, I reached out and attempted to reconnect with Nathan, and he blew up on me. Apparently he is still angry at me for ripping his arm off. This is despite the fact that since then he has grown a new one, and he is in fact healthier and stronger than he was before.
All of my further attempts to form a bond with Nathan have been stonewalled, with him refusing to both speak to me, or be in the same room as me. Even when I am able to get a response out of him, it almost always ends in another fight, either verbal or physical.
It is getting to the point where this is negatively affecting my relationship with David, and Nathan’s with his uncle.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Even with how rocky our relationship has been from the start, he is still my son. And I would like to be a father to him. But it seems I cannot be that without making this up to Nathan. Any advice provided would be greatly appreciated.
Edit: I have been informed that I need to end this post with a question, or risk having this deleted. So, AITA?
2nd edit: Changed my son’s and my brother’s names to fake names, as that seemed like a quick consensus among early commenters to help provide anonymity for me and my family.
Also many people have been asking for some clarifications. I am generally a private person, and I do not like sharing every bit of my life like some teledrama for random strangers. But if more information is required to give solid advice, then I suppose it’s a fair trade:
1. About the object I thought Nathan had stolen from me. It was my father’s— and his grandfather’s— sword. It is something that I cherish dearly, and thought lost many years ago. It turns out my little brother had gifted it to Nathan after he believed me dead. It was not his to give away, so I rightfully reclaimed it. I do not harbor any lingering resentment towards Nathan for holding onto it in my absence, as that blame falls on my idiot brother.
2. Why did I resort to ripping Nathan's arm off? I could not reclaim my sword without doing so. While I do not regret the necessity of the action, I do regret the pain I have caused my son since then. Asking me if I would have done things differently knowing what I know now is pointless. Dwelling on what-if’s is an exercise of futility and a waste of energy.
3. How did I have the strength to do so when I had been so sick? Desperate people are capable of many things. Those of you who are quick to ask and judge are all incredibly lucky. You’ve been fortunate enough to live under very different circumstances that I have been forced under.
4. Why did I skip over leaving Nathan comatose? That sounds more important than I am letting on? In the grand scheme of things that have happened to my family over the course of this past year, no it was not. Nathan’s coma was not the most pressing issue at the time. I was dealing with something far more important and time sensitive. However, I was later told he recovered fairly quickly, and that does bring me some relief.
5. What do I mean by Nathan regrowing his arm? I do not know how to further explain this. I thought it was a simple enough statement to understand.
6. How did I not know about Nathan? Shockingly, some of you have discovered the joys of basic mathematics, and yes, I did have Nathan when I was very young. That plays a part in this, as I had no intention nor desire of being a father back then. I only knew his mother for a handful of weeks, but from what I can remember she was of a similar mindset. We must have parted ways before she knew she was pregnant. Or perhaps she decided not to tell me.
Circumstances back then also caused me to be absent for most of his life, even if I had wanted to be there. No, I will not elaborate any further, as my private affairs are not the concern of nosy commenters.
3rd edit: Why are people calling this fake? It is not fake. What would I gain from lying about this? Whether strangers on the internet believe me or not matters very little. Nor do I care about being labelled YTA (and when did this become slang for asshole?). I have been called far worse things by people I hold much higher respect for.
Just tell me how I can fix this mess and get my son to open up to me.
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CatLoafLuvr92
This can’t be real. There’s no way this is real. At least, I’m really hoping this isn’t real. But what I can’t believe the MOST is that mods haven’t snatched this post and sent it to the phantom zone for how fake this whole scenario is.
Until then, I’ll humor you OP, and first say that YTA. Just on the admitted physical assault alone. But there is SO much more going on here than just the physical aspects when it comes to interacting with your son. “Apparently my son is still angry at me” gee, I wonder why that would be? Have you even tried apologizing to him? You didn’t mention an apology at all. And speaking about stuff that you’ve left out— either accidentally, or more likely on purpose— I can tell there’s much more going on here. All because of what you are refusing to mention. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.
With just what you shared, I know all I need to know about you. You’re rude, inconsiderate, and obstinate in only thinking about how things affect YOU. You’re a textbook narcissist, and probably a sociopath too. Everything you’ve said up to this point is just more proof that you’re not fit to be a father.
Don’t act surprised if/when Nathan decides to go no contact with you.
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gater-bater
Hard agree with above. You’ve proven to your son that you are not a safe individual. And you have further shown that to be true each and every time you get in a physical fight with him. You want to know why your son doesn’t want a relationship with you? You answered your own question.
You must be delusional if you think Nathan’s cold behavior towards you hasn’t been warranted by your past actions.
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LouBou_Boohoo
I honestly think this is the first time the good people of reddit can’t offer good/credible advice. Or, in other words, you’re a hopeless case, OP. I think you’re so far past the chance of reconciling over this.
The edits you’ve added are only further convincing me that Nathan is making a smart decision with keeping you at an arm’s length, pun initially not intended. All you’re doing is just defending yourself from what sounds like a life-long streak of bad decisions.
If you didn’t want to be a father back then, then why now? What changed? And why do you feel entitled to be a part of your son’s life? There’s so many horrible dads on reddit that think they can pop in and insert themselves into their children’s lives when they’re finally an adult. You’re just one more.
I think Nathan’s momma made a smart move by not telling you she was pregnant. She didn’t just dodge a bullet, she dodged a missile.
YTA
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moufie
I feel bad for Nathan most of all. If this is real, then he must’ve gone through a helluva crash out when he found out his dad’s the same guy who ripped his arm off. He probably thinks he’s living in some kind of off brand greek tragedy.
(How does one even rip an arm off in the first place? Are you secretly the Hulk??)
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AlmaKnickKnac8
YTA. Are you posting this in the prison rec room??? Because if not, then how are you not in Jail?!! Dude, from the sounds of it you almost killed your adult son. If I were him I’d never want to talk to you!
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VividBlades
☝️ Fell for bait. This is obviously fake. OP just wanted to read the reaction you just gave them.
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super-hamster
Yeah come on, OP wasn’t even trying to be subtle with this one. Also this is the wrong subreddit for this kind of stuff, and you’re more than likely gonna get banned. You might want to try r/nosleep or r/writingprompts for any future fake stories, OP.
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FroobieDoobie
I’m sorry, can we go back to the part where you not only ripped your son’s arm off, but it GREW BACK? Like, how??
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SassSquat77
A giant flesh eating tree almost erased an entire city last summer, and you’re questioning THIS? Stranger things have happened, and will continue to happen, so I’m not even going to question this one. Sure. Why not. Why Shouldn’t people spontaneously gain the ability to regrow severed limbs like a lizard?
But even if that’s really the case, this doesn’t give you the right to rip off an arm, OP. YTA
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FroobieDoobie
I think the more believable thing here is OP is having a mental health crisis and is going through some kind of psychosis. OP’s son might be mad at him for something completely normal and OP’s mind is just interpreting it as something completely whacky and impossible. Doesn’t excuse his assholery, but maybe he needs a health check.
Edit: Oh wow never mind, disregard everything I just said. OP’s edits haven’t helped him AT ALL! He’s just digging himself deeper in that hole of his. And all of this started because you thought he stole a Sword from you? Yes, stealing is bad. But putting people in comas is infinitely worse. YTA
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BoneAppleT
YTA. Obviously fake. Real deadbeat dads wouldn’t bother showing up to rip their son’s arm off.
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bbbbast
A lot of what you’re saying right now is incredibly vague and wishy-washy. Makes it hard to believe anything you say. That’s usually a bad show of character. That, or the part where you gave Nathan an at-home-amputation. Honestly didn’t need to read past that to know that YTA
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