Chapter Text
“Hey, Bucchi,” Tobi says as he opens the door to Sunao’s apartment and walks in, his arrival unexpected. Sunao hadn’t asked him to come over, so Tobi’s intentions for being at his apartment were a complete mystery to him.
“What are you doing here?” Sunao realized how rude that sounded, but Tobi didn’t even flinch as he entered the kitchen where Sunao was standing and staring at the lack of food inside his cupboards. His fridge wasn’t much better, but apparently, Tobi had a solution to both of his problems.
“I brought food,” Tobi says simply, setting several brown paper bags down onto Sunao’s kitchen counter. “Monika offered to watch Ryuuko and Baku for a while since she was in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d spend my newfound free time visiting you. Also, I bought groceries, since I was going to do it tomorrow, I thought I would get it over with early since I could.” Tobi explains, not really needing to, since every two weeks, he would show up at Sunao’s apartment, and drop off a plethora of food for him to eat. Most of the groceries were snacks and easy-to-make food—things that would last a long time that Sunao would eat without argument, although Tobi was trying to get him to eat more filling food.
“Thanks.” Tobi smiles at Sunao, nodding his head and making Sunao’s chest feel tight from knowing that Tobi was smiling because of him, but he says nothing about it. He was pretty sure that Tobi already knew why he was smiling, anyway.
After that exchange, Tobi helps him put the groceries away in silence and he can’t help but wonder what the blonde was thinking about. Once the groceries are finally put away, Tobi leaves the kitchen and enters the living room to sit down on the couch. “Y-You’re not… Leaving…?” Sunao asks, his voice small as he walks into the living room after Tobi and watches him sit down. Tobi turns his head to look at him with an eyebrow raised in confusion.
“…No? I usually stay after helping you with groceries, remember?” Sunao stays quiet. He had forgotten Tobi stayed over after helping him with the groceries. How could he forget that? They did this so often, it was practically a routine.
Perhaps he was just tired? He hadn’t slept well last night, so that was probably the reason why he couldn’t recall such basic information. Although this problem had never occurred after all of the other nights when he didn't sleep well.
Or perhaps it was the headache he woke up with this morning that hadn’t gone away despite all the water he drank, the small amount of food he ate, and painkillers he took?
The possibilities made Sunao’s headache, which had become slightly less painful when Tobi walked into his apartment, rear its ugly head, and Sunao bites his lip to keep from wincing as the pain slices through his head.
He didn’t want Tobi to notice his pain because he didn’t want to make Tobi worry. He knew it was irrational. Tobi was his boyfriend, and they’re supposed to help each other out, but Tobi couldn’t help him if he didn’t know something was wrong. Sunao knew this, yet no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t allow himself to let down his guard even when it was just him and Tobi.
He hated himself for that. For knowing that Tobi felt comfortable to let himself be vulnerable around him, but he didn’t reciprocate those feelings. That wasn’t right.
He wasn’t right. Tobi deserved someone who could let themselves be vulnerable around someone they cared for. Sunao cared for Tobi, but he couldn’t show it like Tobi showed his care for him.
He didn’t deserve someone like Tobi.
He didn’t deserve anyone.
What was he even here for?
The thought triggers millions of needles to stab into Sunao’s brain all at the same time, then again, and again, and again with each beat of Sunao’s heart. Sunao squeezes his eyes shut, hoping it would help, but it does nothing.
His legs begin to tremble as the pain starts to become too much to bear, and before he knows it, they give out from under him, and he falls to the floor, holding his head and covering his ears as the needles stabbed him repeatedly, never relenting, not even once.
He couldn’t hear or see anything now, but he could feel.
He could feel the throbbing in his head, sharp like a blade, cutting into him with an even rhythm provided by his heart.
He could feel the blood rushing through his ears, fast and dizzying.
He could feel the hot sting of tears as they started to pour down his face.
He felt so much, so vividly, he thought he was dreaming, but he sadly, was very much awake. At that moment, he felt alone, abandoned, but that wasn’t the truth.
“Sunao!”
All of a sudden, Sunao feels a faint thumping on the floor. It started far away, then it got closer, and closer, until it stopped and Sunao felt something else.
He felt a hand gently touch his forearm.
Sunao knew exactly who it was without having to look.
After a minute, the hand on Sunao’s forearm pulled away, then Tobi pressed his body against Sunao’s in an embrace, the hand from earlier returning to rest on the back of Sunao’s head, gently stroking his hair. Taking a shaky breath, Sunao lets the hands on his head fall away and he drapes his arms over Tobi’s back since he has no other use for them at that moment. Tobi stays quiet.
As he sits with Tobi, the pain in his head starts to ebb into something softer and less frequent as his heartbeat slows down and he becomes calmer. He felt better now. Sunao always felt good whenever Tobi was with him. Whether the blonde was standing next to him, holding his hand, hugging him, kissing him, he always made Sunao feel like maybe, just maybe, he deserved the life he had now because when he was with Tobi, he felt like he had so much to live for and he wanted to keep going to see what more life had to offer him because he knew his boyfriend would be there beside him through all the ups and the downs he may experience.
Sunao’s eyes start to droop. He felt tired. He could get some rest now that his headache didn’t feel like it was stabbing needles into his brain anymore, but he would have to remember to thank Tobi for helping him when he wakes up.
Was that stupid? Thanking someone for doing what any normal person would do for someone they care about? Sunao couldn’t help but question himself because no one had ever done that for him before Tobi did. Yet, it didn’t really matter because Sunao would have thanked Tobi anyway—whether he was his boyfriend or a stranger.
All the thinking made him even more tired, so he takes a deep breath, then he closes his eyes, and it only takes a second for sleep to find him and hold onto him tightly, just like Tobi.