Chapter Text
Marius slammed the door shut behind him, pinning himself to it and sliding down with a frustrated sigh. He was really looking forward to that date, despite it being nothing more than just a little psychological experiment later on. Still, they trusted people every time and every time the rejection felt like a knife to his heart. It frustrated him. Confused. Brought up something deep rooted in them. In fact, so deep rooted that they don't think they will ever be able to remember what it was. For the best or for the worst.
Marius got up to his feet after a few moments and pushed the thoughts aside as he always did. He will think about it later. He has all the time in the Universe, for now at least. The Doctor wasn't the one to genuinely believe they are here forever. For sure not. Marius can't be here forever. No, why would he be? Not like he deserved it, right? They didn't remember what even led to them being immortal in the first place, probably another selfish mistake they made, as he always did. As they always do. It was... It was a mistake, right? It should've been.
One thing that lying does to a person is that they can't be sure when they start to lie to themselves. So it was always easier for Marius to think that they were lying to himself too. Besides, everyone was always oh so eager to tell them that too. ‘Marius, who are you lying to?’ that and ‘Marius, you know it's not true’ this. He knew, of course he knew, sometimes people said that to him to support him, to reassure them that the things he says about himself were not true. Or, perhaps, that belief was also a lie Marius was telling to himself. The belief that someone would care enough for them like this. The belief that someone would see through his so, so perfectly fabricated facade! What if he manipulated them to be nice to him? To sympathise with him? What if it was just another carefully constructed psychological experiment he forgot about or- or did unintentionally?.. Unintentionally, right?
Of course not.
He was to blame.
They were the faulty gear in this system, they were the trigger that put it in motion. They were the engineer of his own bronze bull, and they were the fire and they were the king ordering.
And they will die. They will die eventually. And it will be painful. And it will be slow.
The other thing Marius hoped for his death was for it to be a show for at least someone. Just one person would be enough. They hope it will be entertaining. The only use he could mutter out of himself after all.
Marius fell onto their bed, exhausted physically and mentally. He didn't want to think about all of that. He didn't want to be in this reality right now. Von Raum closed their eyes and drifted into their imagination.
Few weeks have passed. Marius wasn't coming out of his quarters and he wasn't seen in the medbay when reluctantly Brian agreed to go check. It wasn't new for Marius to disappear for a bit but certainly not for this long. Marius wasn't particularly new to the crew by now but no one could say surely that they knew The Doctor well enough. Sure, Marius was an unstoppable rambler and yapper, but no one really knew his story or something concrete about their personality beside all the talk and medical malpractice.
Finally, Ivy decided to check on Marius.
First, she knocked on the door to their quarters. There was no response. Ivy tried to open the door herself but it was locked.
"Aurora, can you open the door, please? His behaviour, or its lack to be exact, is alarming."
The starship listened and soon a soft click of the door unlocking was heard.
Ivy opened it and carefully step inside. The room was mostly dark, safe for the lamp beside Marius' bed illuminating the space. There, next to it, was laying Marius on the sheets. He still had makeup on and he was fully in their clothes. Ivy scanned the Doctor from behind, coming to conclusion that they weren't sleeping.
"Marius?" They asked gently, not to alarm him too much.
He flinched and swung around , looking at Ivy as if a deer in the headlights.
"Oh, it's you. Hi, Ivy! What brings you here?" Marius said as his nerves were calming down from a sudden disruption. They tried to smile to make up for his appearance and reaction.
"Nothing much, just haven't seen you in a while. You usually don't disappear for so long. Did something happen?" Ivy walked closer to Marius, sliding the door shut behind her. They sat down on the edge of the bed and looked back at The Doctor.
"Oh, really? Well, worry not, I was just planning some new psychological tactics in conversations!" Marius crouched over to Ivy and sat down next to them.
"Like disappearing for weeks?.."
"Uh… Yes! How did you know? Well, you see, it worked! Since you decided to come visit me, which our crew rarely does, it means I made you interested and it means my tactic worked! Heh!" Marius proudly grinned, elbowing Ivy on the side.
Alexandria sighed, running the calculations on how likely Marius was lying right now. With results showing almost 99%, she looked at Marius with a raised eyebrow.
"Who are you lying to? Look, I don't know what's going on with you but even if we don't know you well enough, this disappearance seems uncharacteristic for you."
That phrase… Marius averted their eyes for a moment, biting his lips as a nervous habit.
"Well, I'm flustered that you all care so much! That's really nice of you! And quite uncharacteristic as well! So we're even on that." He smiled and playfully winked at the end of the sentence. "If you missed me so much, perhaps you volunteer as my next patient? I would love to check your nervous system!"
"No, not happening." Ivy quickly stood up and walked towards the door, "Well, I checked on you, my work here is done. But… You should come back to us soon. Feels wrong without your constant bugging. And octokittens miss you."
"Ah, well octokittens shall miss me no more then! I'll come to the next meal we'll have, don't you worry!"
Marius watched as Ivy walked out and closed the door. Only after that they fell back to the bed, staring at the ceiling. It was boring, he was interrupted in his daydream so rudely and they can't get back now! Was he really gone for so long? Weird, it felt like few days, no longer…
Von Raum got up from the bed and decided to at least go wash his makeup off before heading out to the rest of the crew.
"Hello my fellow crewmates! It is I, the one and only, Baron Marius Von Raum, back on my feet!" Said Marius, gleefully entering the main hub of The Aurora.
"Oh, hey, you're alive." Ashes was the first one to answer The Doctor.
"Well of course I am! Did you guys thought I was dead?!"
"Nah, only braindead." Tim joked.
"What?! My brain is in amazing condition, I'll have you know!"
Jonny groaned irritated. "I forgot how annoying you get, fucks sake. Welcome back."
"Well, are you doing alright?" Brian asked, sipping on some machine oil.
"I'm always alright, but I appreciate your undying love for me!" Doctor answered, with a wide grin on his face.
"Agree to disagre." Ivy mumbled, looking Marius up and down.
Raphaella crossed her arms and squinted her eyes, staring at Von Raum."You can fool others, Marius, but I know you inside out. Literally. So come on, who should we kill?"
Marius bit his lip, looking away. "Don't worry, we are off the planet now. It's alright. No need to pretend you worry about it."
The room went silent. No one really knew what to say. Marius was clearly upset and when they were upset it pulled down the atmosphere of the whole crew.
The Toy Soldier was the one to break the silence. "What If All Of Us Went On Dates With You, Old Chap? A Play Pretend If You Will!"
"Never thought I'd say it, but Toy Soldier might have a point. Do you think it'll help you, Marius?" Nastya said, looking up from one of the floor panels of Aurora that she eas fixing.
"Uh… I mean… Sure? We can try." Marius said, unsure.