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“Seriously, again?”
”Can you shut up?”
Matt lifted his hand dramatically in the air as peace treaty and murmured under his breath. Lydia didn’t care to pay attention to much of what he said. Something about the author being lazy and how truly they need to get a life rather than writing a fanfic for a YouTube video.
Whatever that meant.
Lydia allowed Matt into her house. This time it was much more put together than last time. Last time, as in it was a mess and she was a mess. And she had the biggest fattest crush on a dickhead who clearly didn’t reciprocate it. That last time.
It’s been a couple months since then and Matt officially broke things off with Amanda last month. Lydia and Matt were by no means ‘close’ but they were friends. Friends who fought about the stupidest rather then speaking. Friends who had Friday pizza nights and went to go see a movie on shitty Tuesday’s.
Friends who once awkwardly cuddled in a bed together while Lydia wasn’t in the healthiest mindset. So, that’s what she is doing today! Calling Matt over for his spooning job and see if she can once and for all make these feelings just disappear.
Even though the plan might have flaws. If anything, it was fun while it lasted.
”Oh, you’ve got one of those babu things.” Matt pointed out, squishing the tiny thing. Babu? What the heck is a babu?
”Thats called a labubu, idiot.”
”Same thing.” Matt kicked off his slipper and slid into the sheets much more easier than last time. Taking off her sandals, Lydia followed suit quickly afterwards. This time they decided to slip under the blankets (which were washed this time) and a stilted silence followed them.
“So,” Matt’s voice was hushed and ticklish against her ear. “Are you going to scoot a bit closer or are you afraid I’m going to get a boner again?”
Lydia groaned, face heating up immediately as she smacked a pillow against Matt’s chest. “You promised we’d never speak of that again.” Matt laughed, soft and low, clearly pleased with himself. “I lied.”
“You’re so annoying,” she mumbled, burying her face into the space between his shoulder and the pillow.
“It’s honestly impressive.”’
They lay there for a moment, the quiet hum of the fan in the background mixing with the muffled sounds of the city outside her window. Lydia hated how natural it felt, how right it felt. That was exactly the problem. The more comfortable she got, the harder it was to keep pretending this didn’t mean something to her. She didn’t say anything for a while. Matt didn’t either.
“Hey.”
”Mn?”
“Are you okay?”
The question hung in the air, heavier than it should’ve been. Lydia didn’t move, still curled into herself and the warmth of the blanket. “Why wouldn’t I be?” “You only ever ask me over for Spoon Sessions™ when something’s bothering you.” He nudged her knee with his. “So. Spill.”
Lydia swallowed hard.
Maybe it was the warmth, or the way his hand hadn’t moved from her waist. But something inside her cracked open, that soft, stupid part she’d been trying to ignore for way too long. “I don’t want it to be you,” she whispered.
Matt stiffened. “What?” Lydia immediately regretted speaking. She pulled back a little, her face burning, her throat dry. “Forget it. That came out weird. I just meant—” “Lydia.” His voice was quieter now. Careful.
“What do you mean?”
She stared at the ceiling for a moment, then forced herself to say it. “I didn’t ask you over just because I was sad or whatever. I mean… yeah, I’ve been feeling off, but—” She sighed. “I’ve been trying to get over you.”
Matt blinked.
“Wait. Me?”
“Yeah,” she muttered. “You. Dumbass. It was supposed to be a harmless crush while you were still with Amanda. I thought it’d pass. I thought cuddling you would get it out of my system or something.” “Terrible plan,” he said, his lips twitching into a smile. “I know,” she groaned, burying her face into the blanket. “It backfired. Horribly.”
Matt was quiet for a second too long.
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Lydia mumbled quickly, her chest tightening. “Forget it. Let’s just watch a movie or something and pretend this didn’t happen—”
“No,” he cut in. “I’m glad you said it.”
She turned her head slightly, enough to meet his eyes again. He looked nervous, actually nervous, which was rare for him.
“I broke up with Amanda,” he said slowly, “because I realized I wanted something real. And honestly? I was kind of hoping it might be you.”
Lydia blinked. “Wait, what?”
“You’re not the only one who sucks at handling feelings, you know.” He laughed softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I kept pretending I just liked hanging out, but Friday pizza nights became the best part of my week. And every time I left your apartment, I’d feel weirdly empty. Like I was leaving something I wasn’t supposed to.” She stared at him, heart pounding in her chest.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked.
“Because you were always yelling at me or calling me names. Plus, I was huge dick before.”
“That’s just how I flirt! And yeah you were.”
Matt grinned. “Yeah, I figured that out eventually.”
A beat of silence passed between them, and then Lydia reached for his hand beneath the blanket. He laced his fingers with hers without hesitation. “So,” she said softly, “what now?” Matt shifted a little closer, their foreheads almost touching. “Now,” he murmured, “we stop pretending.”
Then he kissed her, gentle and slow, like they had all the time in the world.
And for the first time in months, Lydia didn’t feel like she was chasing something unreachable.
She’d already found it.