Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’m not taking him,” Tim protested, hands flat on the kitchen countertop. “He hates me!”

Alfred sighed, not meeting his eyes. “Master Bruce believes that it is important Master Damian feel welcome in this household, and you are the only person who has yet to do any recreational activity with him.”

“So what, I’ll be grounded if I don’t?”

“I imagine he’ll find a much more meaningful punishment.” Alfred finally met his eyes and Tim had to look away.

Tim had grunted but found himself stood in front of Damian’s bedroom door only five minutes later, boots laced and jacket tucked over his shoulders. He had barely raised his hand to the door when it swung open, Damian fully dressed and glaring.

“I’m taking you this week.” Tim huffed, staring at a particular point in the doorframe.

Damien made an affirming noise and pushed around him. They ended up in Tim’s red sportscar.

“You drive poorly.” Damian remarked, a hand on the passenger side door handle.

Tim snorted. “You drive worse.”

Damian hummed and Tim swore he’d never seen any emotion on the kid’s face, let alone regret, but Damian looked almost ashamed- eyebrows knitted together, looking down at his boots in the footspace. “Father told you about that?”

“Yeah, he did.” Tim shook his head. “Dick crashed it like three times when he was a kid, I bet B didn’t tell you that, did he?”

A visible spark returned to Damian’s eyes. “He did not.”

“Oh yeah, I never saw it myself, but I’ll ask Jason to tell you about the time he was in the car with them. I think that was after Dick got his license too.” Tim laughed, remembering when he’d been a little tween anxious with the world and lacking his usual overconfidence after a shitty patrol, and Dick had smiled easily and told him all about the stupid shit he’d done in the name of fighting crime as a kid.

“Interesting.” Damian sat in silence for the rest of the drive.

The ‘Redbird’ stuck out like a sore thumb among the other cars in the parking lot. Tim supposed that Dick’s modest prius usual fit right in around here. The employees would have an idea of who this brother of Damian’s was before he even step foot in the the place. Great.

Tim put the car in park and ran a hand through his hair. “What does Dick usually do when you’re…ya know, in there?”

Damian’s eyes went wide and he tilted his head to the side.“He comes with me.”

Abruptly, Damian got out and made a beeline inside. Tim grabbed his phone and flung himself out of the car, only remembering to lock it halfway to the doors.

“Damian-” Tim admonished, getting himself through the front door and into the waiting room. “You cannot just run off, I know Dick lets you do whatever you want because you’re his favorite, but please do not do that shit to me.”

Damian narrowed his eyes. “I’m his favorite?”

“Shut up.” Tim ruffled Damian’s hair and stepped up to the front counter.

The room was empty save the two of them. Commotion sounded from a far hall, and a kid around Tim’s age came bounding behind the counter. Big black boots, hair swooped over his face, and the most obvious face glasses Tim had seen in a long time.

“Hi.” He chirped. “We’re here to volunteer, this is my brother Damian, he usually comes in with our other brother-”

The guy turned to face them, huge smile plastered on his face. “Oh yeah! The funny guy, yeah he usually walks the dogs.”

That was obviously Connor Kent- Superboy. Tim’s best friend. Whom he was planning to reveal his identity to in three weeks time, a ‘birthday’ present. Well, for Tim’s birthday. They’d been trying to figure out a day to say was Kon’s birthday for some time now.

“Funny is debatable.” Tim groaned, watching Damian look between them quizzically. Of course the kid would figure out that Tim’s brain was close to short circuiting. “But yeah, um, he couldn’t make it so I’m here this week.”

“Alright, well Damian, you know where to get started. You- what’s your name?”

“Tim.” He held out a hand that Kon ignored.

“Right, Tim, you’ll be with me. We’re cleaning the cat room.”

Damian made a noise that implied Tim got the short end of the stick. Being stuck with Kon was going to be torture enough, he could put up with whatever gross shit they had to do. Damian peeled off towards a room filled with dog kennels, looking more excited than Tim had ever seen the kid.

Tim took a deep breath, following Kon through a series of hallways. “So how long have you been working here?”

“About three years now.” Ah, so that’s what Kon had started doing in his free time. The entire Young Justice team had gotten on Kon about not having any hobbies for the longest time, and at a certain point that got dropped because he’d stopped living at their old cave headquarters and texting them 24/7.

“This is my first time volunteering with animals.” Tim offered, hoping that Kon was capable of making short conversation and wouldn’t make them do their tasks in silence.

“Has anyone ever told you,” Kon started, searching Tim’s face for something, “that you have a very familiar voice?”

“Hm.” Tim considered, knowing that was a very Robin sound to make. “You’d be the first.”

Kon narrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, leading Tim into a room filled with empty mounted shelves and floor to ceiling windows. Cats leapt from surface to surface, without trying Tim could count over ten that weren’t hiding.

“Alright.” Kon shrugged off a flannel, revealing an old t-shirt that Tim had given him underneath. Tim swallowed hard and glared at a russian blue at the top of the centermost cat tower. “We’ll start with litterboxes, then we’ll wipe the shelves, and then last thing to do is sweep and mop.”

Tim nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Have you scooped a litter box?” Kon grabbed a scoop and trash can from a cabinet next to the door.

“Yeah, sure.” Tim nodded, taking a scoop from Kon’s hand and getting started on a box in the far corner. “Do you ever play music in here for them?”

Kon smiled getting started on a litterbox on the other side of the room. “Yes, but it’s always boring classical music.”

Tim huffed. “Our dad listens to that shit, drives me insane.”

“Apparently it’s good for the cats or something.” Kon shrugged. “And punk music is ‘bad’ and ‘obtrusive’ for them.”

Tim crossed his arms and rolled his eyes on instinct. “What did you play for them?”

“Pansy Division is hardly even that hard, it’s like melodic and shit.” Kon threw his hands up, still smiling at Tim. “I get it about Dead Kennedys though, ‘Lets Lynch the Landlord’ was instilling in them a rebellious attitude that could have been catastrophic for us in the long run.”

Tim laughed despite himself, doubling over the litterbox and only narrowly escaping getting cat shit on himself. “C’mon, you had to know that wasn’t going to fly.”

Kon shrugged again, “I can sometimes get away with the Kennedys cover of Viva Las Vegas, I thought maybe it’d be cool.”

Tim snorted, “At least you’ve got good music taste.”

“Thank you.” Kon nodded, grumbling. “Someone around here appreciates me.”

Tim narrowed his eyes, moving on to the next litter box. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I know it’s stupid but I’ve worked here three years, volunteered for a whole year before that too, and all they trust me to do is make sure volunteers don’t fuck shit up.” He sighed. “Eh, it’s fine, I’m not complaining, and no offense, but this is the easiest job in the world, volunteers mindlessly follow whatever you say, so it’s fine. Just wish I could do more than get yelled at about playing punk music for the cats.”

Tim was mildly offended to be lumped into any group considered mindless, but he knew Kon better than that and knew it’d cause some argument over semantics if he said anything. “What, like you want to do the paperwork side of things?”

“Yeah, that and the catch and release program. For the cats. I’ve been eyeing it for awhile and I think I’d be pretty good at it, keep telling my managers, and they keep saying that if I don’t have any cat scratch scars I’m not allowed. I have to have a ‘history’ with cats- and I do!” Kon lamented, litterbox forgotten. “I can catch an unruly cat better than half of them, without getting scratched at all, but oh no, that’s not good enough.”

“If that’s your biggest worry, I want your life.” Tim gave a half empathetic smile. “You haven’t gotten any cat scratches?”

Kon faltered, obviously not prepared for any further questioning on that front. Tim would have to call a meeting about their identities again. He’d gotten on Bart before, that kid couldn’t keep a thought to himself for the life of him.

“I-uh, yeah, guess not.” Kon turned back to the litterbox, face red.

A buzzing from Tim’s pocket drew his attention away. The YJ group chat was blowing up with messages. Cassie and Bart often used it instead of texting each other directly, which was annoying at first, but grew to be endearing after awhile. He knew that Kon had heard the buzzing and checked his phone to end his teammates torment over cat scratches.

Bart was talking about some new pizza place he’d found and needed them to order from the next time they ordered food and Cassie was asking for opinions on costume changes. Tim smiled at his phone but resolved to reply later when he could look closer at Cassie’s design modifications and cyber stalk the pizza place.

“You’re a popular guy.” Kon nodded at Tim’s phone as he pocketed it.

It was Tim’s turn to shrug in that smug way that he knew Kon hated. “Life’s rough for the son of a billionaire.”

Kon tilted his head, moving to the litterbox next to Tim. “Not to uh, pry…but, what?”

“Bruce Wayne.” Tim raised his eyebrows, watching the wheels turn in Kon’s head. “Did you never think, hey this weird kid with the last name ‘Wayne’ might be related to that billionaire guy in the next town over?”

“I never really…” Kon laughed, bright and full in Tim’s face. “Damian is weird, he’s really your brother?”

“I’m adopted.” Tim set down the scoop and trash can.

Kon clicked his tongue, a habit he’d picked up from Superman, Tim had noted three weeks ago. “Makes sense.”

“Speaking of, what’s he up to?”

The telltale look scrunched on Kon’s face- he was using superhearing through the walls. “He usually washes the dogs, kid’s got a way with the animals.” Kon’s nose scrunched up further and he dropped his scoop as well. “You know, this might be a great time to check in on him.”

Tim was immediately out the door, fast walking in the direction they’d come, Kon on his heels. “What do you mean by that?” He said through his teeth.

Kon rubbed the back of his head. “Just, there’s some big dogs he might need help getting into the tubs. Nothing serious.”

“Uh huh.” Tim’s mouth formed a line as he threw open the door that Damian had disappeared behind.

On the floor in front of them was Damian, pinned by a great dane licking at his face, laughing. Kon put a hand on Tim’s shoulder, who inadvertently leaned into it like he would normally with his friend. Kon quickly drew his hand back, not reading the act the same as he would with Robin.

“Tim!” Damian squeaked out. “Tim.” He said in a much more controlled tone. “Can we take this one home?”

“Another one?” Tim crossed his arms, but couldn’t help the smile on his face. Kon raised an eyebrow and Tim turned back to him, “Our dad already has a great dane, and Damian adopted one like a year ago.”

Damian pushed himself off of the floor, guiding the dog into the bath like none of that had happened. “Father has been worried about Ace’s declining morale, another dog could help.”

“Dude.” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose, quickly stifling the gesture as he realized just how Robin it was of him. “You know we can’t bring another dog home.”

Damian made a tutting noise and turned to the dog, ignoring them. Tim turned back to Kon to find him grinning like an idiot.

“What?”

Kon shrugged, turning around to hold the door for Tim.“Just never seen that kid smile. Glad we checked up on him.”

Tim huffed, feeling a soft wave of affection for his friend, despite how stupidly obvious his identity was in this moment. “I haven’t either.”

Chapter Text

“Three people! From three different cars!” Dick deflated on Jason’s couch, head hitting the wall dully.

“Tough week.” Jason commiserated, putting a beer bottle down on his coffee table without a coaster. “I doubt you want to hear about what I’ve been up to.”

“No, I’d rather not.” Dick’s head ended up in his hands. “Not that I-”

“I don’t blame you.” Jason gave him a tight lipped smile. “Hey, how about we pack a bowl and put on a movie, order some Batburger. Haven’t done that in forever.”

Dick sighed, nodding softly. “Ugh. Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Jason lead them into the kitchen, fishing a grinder and bag of weed out of a cabinet.

“I’ll let you deal with that.” Jason huffed, pushing his findings towards Dick on the counter. “I’ll clean out the piece."

“‘Piece’.” Dick laughed, opening the bag with only a slight recoil at the smell. “Just call it a bong.”

A short sigh escaped Jason as he found the bubbler in the back of one of his cabinets. “But it’s not a bong, Richard, it’s a bubbler.”

“Same difference.” Dick shrugged, starting to twist the grinder back and forth.

Jason turned on the tap and ran his fingers through the water. “There are people who would kill you for saying that.”

“I’m sure there are.” Dick huffed a laugh.

Wind swept into the kitchen through the perpetually open window. They’d spent many a night crowded on Jason’s fire escape smoking and shooting the shit. Dick usually carried the conversation, more of a chatty stoned than Jason ever was.

Jason’s eyebrows pinched together. “Do you smoke without me?”

“Not often.” Dick shrugged again, shifting his GothamU hoodie as he did so. “But when I do, I’m buying from the Bludhaven dispensaries. None of your street shit.”

“Says the cop.” Jason turned the bubbler upside-down and let it drain. “You couldn’t buy off the street if you wanted to, they’d spot your porkiness a mile away.”

“I-” Dick opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. “Fair point.”

Jason tutted. “Your tolerance is probably awful. We shouldn’t smoke a whole bowl.”

Dick hummed. “Why not? I’m never here anymore, who knows when I’ll get to do this with you again. Might as well.”

Jason gave him a genuine smile for that, passing the newly cleaned bubbler to his brother and watching as Dick packed the bowl from memory. Jason always used his fingers and Dick couldn’t stand it, not when they had paid good money for a small set of tools to get the weed from the grinder and into the bowl. It usually meant that his bowls were insanely potent due to how tight he packed it- and Jason would never complain about that.

Dick turned to him suddenly, only halfway through packing the bowl. “You don’t smoke with Tim, do you?”

Jason laughed in his face. “Hell no!” He coughed out when he’d caught his breath. “That dweeb is probably the most paranoid stoned in the world, I would never.”

“Good. He doesn’t need another vice.”

Jason hopped up on the counter, sitting crosslegged. “Oh?”

Dick ran a hand over his face and looked up at Jason guiltily. “I found a USB-C charger in his room, and his stupid Toughbook laptop and flip phone use a USB. But you know what does use a USB-C?”

Jason laughed again, this time shaking his head as he watched Dick finish packing the bowl. “Finlly, a vape has made its way into Wayne Manor.”

“Right.” Dick frowned. “And with his whole caffeine thing too…”

“Eh, kid’s probably fine.” Jason shrugged, hopping down. “He’s smart, knows how to take care of himself enough.”

“If Bruce finds that vape, it’s all over for us ever doing this again.” Dick handed Jason the bubbler, climbing out the window and into the fire escape.

“At your fucking age?” Jason snorted, patting his pants down for a lighter as he handed Dick back the bubbler through the window, “You can do what you want.”

“No, because I’ll be blamed for poisoning this poor youth’s mind with drugs.”

Jason maneuvered, significantly less gracefully, out the window. “And I won’t?”

Dick shook his head as he sighed, black hair covering his eyes. “We both will. That’s the problem.”

“Hm.” Jason lit the bowl and took the first hit. “He’s got no problem with this though.”

“Yeah because I can see the outline of his fucking cape across the street.” Dick pointed a hand at a suspiciously bat shaped black blob on a nearby rooftop without breaking eye contact with Jason.

Immediately, the batblob shifted slightly more into the shadows, obviously having seen Dick pointing towards him.

Jason narrowed his eyes towards the blob, almost daring it to move again. “Do you think he listens in on us?”

Dick clicked his tongue, a bad habit he’d nicked from Supes. “No, he’ll give us that much privacy, I think.”

Jason took another hit before passing both the bubbler and lighter to Dick. “I doubt it, but whatever.”

They took turns taking hits off the bubbler, passing it back and forth until the entire bowl was cashed out. The cityscape had grown quieter with nightfall, darkness descending over the streets. A couple of streetlights fizzled down the way.

“Wanna head in?” Dick turned to face Jason.

Jason, for his credit, did try not to laugh in Dick’s face. He’d never seen his brother so out of it, eyes unfocused and red as all hell. He had, at some point, turned his legs into a distinctly pretzel-like formation that only Dick Grayson could comfortably sit in and had his hands behind his head like an anime character. So Jason did laugh in Dick’s face.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Jason wiped a hand over his face. “You just- you’re so stoned. I was right about the bowl thing.”

“Hrng.” Dick hummed, climbing back through the window and shivering at the AC.

Jason shook his head and followed suit, leaving the lighter and bowl in the kitchen as he made his way back to the couch. “Careful there, you’re so stoned you’re starting to sound like him.”

Dick laughed, head to his chest as he sat on the couch next to Jason. “Speaking of- have you seen my phone?”

Jason reached into his pocket and fished out Dick’s phone.

Dick clicked his tongue and took the phone from Jason’s outstretched hand. “I should be more mad about that.”

“I was just keeping it warm for ya.” Jason shrugged, turning to look for the TV remote as Dick began scrolling through his messages.

Dick swallowed, heavy. He put his phone face down on the couch and let his head fall in his hands. “I fucked up.”

“Wha-” Jason looked back to find Dick curled over himself in the couch. “Dude, what happened in the last .5 seconds?”

“I-” Dick took a very deep breath, closing his eyes. “What day is today, Jason?”

“It’s the…um, the 15th?”

“Uh huh.” Dick nodded and shuffled his knees up to his chin. “And I thought it was the 14th, because tomorrow was supposed to be movie night.”

Jason sat back on the couch, nonplussed. “Oh shit yeah it’s movie night, huh.”

Dick sighed. “I am going to be killed by those kids.”

“No, no, I mean it’s not like-” Jason laughed suddenly. “Oh you’re so dead.”

“It’s one thing for you to show up high, but me?” Dick waved his hands around. “B will- He’ll…” A moment of silence as Dick’s eyes widened. “He texted me a reminder! That- he-” Dick got up from the couch, beginning to pace in front of the coffee table. “He knows that we’ve been smoking.”

“Yes, he does.” Jason’s mouth twisted as he leaned further back into the couch. “Do you think he’ll tell?”

Dick didn’t answer, instead turning towards the front door and throwing it open.

“Are we headed out?” Jason called, watching Dick parade towards the elevator down the hall.

“Might as well.” Dick threw over his shoulder, pressing the elevator call button and muttering to himself.

Chapter Text

“Dick’s stuck in Bludhaven this weekend.” Bruce huffed, walking around Tim to sit at the batcomputer.

“That doesn’t mean that I have to pick up his slack.” Tim crossed his arms, looking over Bruce’s shoulder at what he was typing.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. “It does, actually.”

“I don’t mind him, but he doesn’t like me.” Tim peeled his domino mask off slowly, rubbing the soft indent it left in it’s wake.

“He does not hate you.” Bruce turned over his shoulder to look at Tim, who was busying himself with taking off the uncomfortable parts of his suit. “That is just the way that he is.”

“Uh huh.” Tim rolled his eyes, knowing that it would annoy Bruce more than anything else. “So the cuddly cute kid thing he does around Dick, that’s what? Just a fluke?”

Bruce rolled his eyes back. “Yes.”

“Whatever.” Tim sensed there was no way out of this, complaining to Bruce never got him anywhere. “I’ll do it, but don’t be surprised when you find me bound and gagged in the kitchen tonight.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes and snorted softly. That was about as close as he’d get to making the guy laugh, so Tim took it as a win, however small. He made it up to his room for a good two hours of sleep before he had to get up to take Damian. Crawling out of his bed at the sound of his airhorn of an alarm, Tim threw on the clothes closest to him and downed a cold cup of coffee on his nightstand.

“You ready?” Tim called, leaning in Damian’s closed doorframe.

Damian answered by opening the door gently and walking down the hall past Tim without a passing glance. The ride to the rescue was quieter than their first one had been, a Placebo CD spinning in the center console filling the empty silence. Damian hopped out of the car as soon as it had stopped, leaving Tim to barely throw it into park before running after him.

“What have I told you about doing that?” Tim reached the door before Damian, holding it open for him. “Don’t run away from me in public, it looks bad. We’re family dude, don’t act like you’re trying to get as far away from me as possible.”

“I am not ‘acting.’” Damian had his arms crossed as he peering over the empty front desk.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Tim murmured, leaning an elbow on the front desk. “You’re more upset at the world than usual, what’s that about?”

“Father denied my request for a sleepover.” Damian glared at the floor.

“With who?” Tim tilted his head, looking down at Damian curiously.

“A friend.” Damian glowered, now directing his glare at the door to the back.

A figure came barreling through the door at that moment, soaking wet and covered in something that smelled vaguely like artificial lavender and wet dog. Kon smiled sweetly at the pair, shaking his hair out and fanning out his hands as he got closer.

“Good morning!” Tim winced as Kon spoke. Damn him and his ability to sleep a full eight hours. “Alright, Damian, change of plans today, you’re walking the dogs.”

“Without adult supervision?” Damian challenged, an eyebrow raised.

“Don’t need an adult if I’ve got two of you doing it.”

Damian narrowed his eyes, looking behind Kon as if he were hiding something.

“Just head back there, you’ll see.” Kon gave Damian a pat on the shoulder as he passed by.

“And you, pretty boy, you’re with me.” Kon smiled at Tim.

Tim huffed a laugh. “You can’t flirt with me if you’re friends with my brother.”

“Says who?” Kon turned his heel and held the door to the back open for Tim.

“Says me.” Tim rolled his eyes, which was steadily becoming a habit. “What’re we doing today?”

“Firstly, I’m not even really friends with your brother. If anything, he’s friends with mine.” Kon stopped in front of a pair of doors. “Secondly, you’ll want to see this.”

Tim raised his eyebrows but followed Kon’s lead and looked through the small windows in the doors. Inside, kennels lined the walls of a long hallway. Damian walked aimlessly down the hallway, looking suspiciously into the kennels. He got halfway down the hall and a small figure jumped out of a kennel to tackle him. Instead of kicking or screaming or anything that Tim would expect from Damian, he hugged the other kid back. Quietly, Tim could hear both of them laughing and greeting each other.

Kon put a hand on Tim’s shoulder as he looked over.

“Thanks.” Tim croaked, smiling softly. “He uh, well I don’t know the kid very well, but he doesn't have a lot of friends.”

Kon scoffed, sparing a glance back at the kids. “Pretty sure Jon’s his only one.”

“Probably.” Tim hummed. “I don’t know if Dick counts.”

“Your older brother, right?”

“One of them, yeah.”

“Damn, how many of you guys are there?”

Tim side-eyed him. “Honestly couldn’t tell you.”

Tim suddenly realized they were stood shoulder to shoulder against the doors, and took a step back. Kon wouldn’t have put together who he was, but there was a real danger that Tim could find himself forgetting who he was supposed to be.

“What are we- um, what are we doing today?” Tim rubbed the back of his neck, hoping that Kon would assume his awkwardness was a result of their proximity and nothing else.

“I just finished up washing the dogs, so we’re tackling the cat room again.” Kon smiled easily, already starting down the hall. He stopped in front of the door, looking Tim up and down. “There’s something so familiar about you.”

“Have you been reading any Gotham tabloids recently?” Tim gave him a similarly easy smile.

Kon shook his head and opened the door, ignoring Tim’s comment as he started getting everything together to clean the room. A pang of guilt hit Tim’s gut, his birthday was only next week, and now he’d had two interactions with Kon out of suit. He just had to make it through today without making things weird and then next weekend everything would click and Kon might be momentarily upset, but he’d be too happy to finally know. He’d been begging since they first met to see Tim’s full face, let alone know his name. Bart already knew, which had been driving Kon up a wall since Bart had let it slip that he knew three months back. Everything would be fine, so long as he could keep himself from making things weird. Which, given how weird Kon intrinsically tended to make things between them, would be genuinely difficult.

Tim began wiping down shelves next to where Kon had started. “Any luck with getting the cats into your music this week?”

“Not much.” Kon sighed. “Tried playing Descendents for them and my manager just so happened to walk by during ‘Suburban Home.’ She said I was poisoning their minds with 90’s stoner rock. I’m officially banned from using the bluetooth speakers now.” He shrugged.

“I wouldn’t say that’s what Descendents is.” Tim clicked his tongue, a bad habit he’d nicked from Dick, who had likely gotten in from Supes. Though he was loathed to admit it, Tim had definitely actually caught it from Kon. “They’re like punk-ier third-wave ska without all the trumpets. Sublime would be more 90’s stoner rock.”

Kon nodded vigorously. “Believe me, I tried to explain that, but apparently my managers don’t care about the nuance of rock genres.”

Tim barked a loud laugh. “What do you know about 90’s rock, I thought you were more into like classic punk?”

Kon balked at him for a moment before swallowing thickly. “Yeah, I mean, that’s my baseline. I still branch out from time to time. Recently started listening to The Smashing Pumpkins.”

 

“Right.” Tim huffed, trying to hide his smile. He’d recommended Smashing Pumpkins to Kon almost a year ago, but he hadn’t listened to them until Tim put on Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness during a long as fuck stakeout a month ago. “And what do you think of them?”

“I like them.” Kon breathed a sigh. “Not what I would normally like, but it’s objectively good. Reminds me of my friend, mostly.”

“Oh?” Tim couldn’t help it, Kon was the one that brought it up, it’s not like he’d pried to get him to talk about him.

“Yeah, I uh.” Kon blushed, hard. “I do have friends outside of this place, hard as that is to believe.”

“It’s very difficult for my small human brain to wrap around.” Tim turned back to the window in front of him, wiping a streak across the accumulated film of dust.

Kon laughed brightly. “He’s um, the one that put me onto Corgan and the pumpkins, he’s probably my best friend. And he has this like, encyclopedic knowledge of music. Not just music, it’s everything, but I like to quiz him about music mainly.”

“Sounds like a cool guy.” Tim smiled to himself, turning his back to Kon as he began wiping down some higher shelves.

“Yeah, he is.” Kon sounded like he was smiling too. “I just found the perfect gift for his birthday too, it’s going to be great.”

“Exciting.” Tim swallowed. “So what do you get up to outside of work?”

Kon coughed. “Not much, it’s a long drive between here and Metropolis, you know.”

“You live in Metropolis.” Tim kept his back to Kon, not daring to ask the next question to his face. “What’s it like, having Superman looking over your shoulder all the time?”

Kon laughed, which startled Tim enough to make him jump slightly. “No- sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh.” Kon sighed, not wiping the smile off his face as he continued. “It’s just, you asked that in the most Gothamite way possible. Like Superman had to be spying on us all of the time. He’s not like your bat.”

Tim narrowed his eyes, arms crossed over his chest as he smiled back at his friend across the room, spray bottle and rag forgotten. “And you know that, how exactly?”

Kon, surprisingly, kept his cool. He met Tim’s eyes and shrugged nonchalantly, reaching up to wipe at a counter a little above Tim’s reach. Tim let his eyes rake down his friend as he did so, admiring that he at least tried to dress more conspicuously, despite the fake glasses and mussed hair. He supposed that Kon didn’t exactly have the best role model, Clark was Clark after all. At least he had hypnoglasses, Kon’s glasses looked to be bought in Party City’s clearance isle. Tim realized as his eyes reached Kon’s stalky black boots that one of them wasn’t on the ground. In fact, it was perched against the wall like there was a step stool there. And there wasn’t. He’d seen Kon do it so often that it didn’t register as odd at first.

“Kon! Seriously?” Tim borderline yelled, spinning on his heel as one of his hands came up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

He heard Kon fall behind him, immediately cooing to try and calm one of the nearby cats.

“What!” Kon whisper-screamed back.

“You- you were just flying. In the cat room!” Tim still had his back to him, hand over his eyes now.

“Oh, huh.” Kon laughed a short awkward laugh and walked closer to Tim. “You won’t tell anyone, right?”

“Kon.” Tim sighed, maneuvering his back to the wall and letting himself slide to be sitting. “Kon.” He repeated, looking up at him. This time Kon’s head swiveled around the room, looking for something, maybe whatever the hell he was going to do about a civilian finding out about his abilities. “Connor, you need to get better about that.”

Kon sat next to him in the cat hair and dust of the floor. “Say my name again.”

“Kon?”

Kon laughed again, this time much brighter, as his head fall back to hit the wall, eyes trained on Tim. “Yeah, so no one calls me that.”

“I do.” Tim mirrored Kon’s motion, head falling against the wall.

“If you were a government agent I’d be knocked out already, if you were a private agent then I’d have knocked you out by now, so what’s the deal? How do you know that?”

Tim hummed. “Maybe those identity meetings have been paying off after all, that’s some sound logic.”

“I try.” Kon hummed back. “Wait- identity meetings? Do you-”

“What if I was anyone else, Kon? What about Clark, or hell, Jon? What would happen-” he didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, as he was slammed back against the wall, a hand over his mouth.

“How the hell do you know about them?” Kon’s eyes barreled into his, red hot fury painfully obvious.

Tim pried Kon’s fingers away from his mouth. “I’m Robin you big idiot.”

“You- you’re. What?” Kon’s grip went slightly more lax, but didn’t drop completely. He still had Tim’s shoulders pinned to the wall and a hand around the back of his head.

“Well, one of them.” Tim looked up at the ceiling. “You should know that Damian is too, Jon probably already knows that, given he’s Damian’s only friend. I’ve known your identity since I met you, Clark told B all about you.”

“What-What!” Kon let go completely, hands ending up on his hips as he took a step back. “You- Rob?” He leaned back in, looking over Tim’s face closely.

Tim straightened himself out, standing up. “Next YJ meeting I’ll take my mask off for you too, if that’ll help you believe it.”

“God that makes this situation so much easier.” Kon shook his head, smiling to himself. A lightness filled Tim’s heart as he watched Kon, privy to something no one else was. He bit down on his smile when the thought occurred to him that Kon was likely feeling that same way.

“I’m serious though, you need to be better about your identity.” Tim tried to sound like the leader he was, but it didn’t come out right. The words were too soft and muddled by excitement.

Kon nodded, hovering forward to put his hands on Tim’s shoulders. “Sure, sure, I will be. No more flying in the cat room, ever. Cross my heart.”

“You’re- you’re still flying.” Tim laughed despite himself, bringing his arms around Kon and leaning in. “Whatever, I’m hugging you now.”

“Oh really?” Kon pulled him in further, an arm cradling Tim’s head and neck. “Mr. no-platonic-touch-on-duty, is secretly a big teddy bear in his civilian identity, huh.”

“No.” Tim attempted to pull away, but was met by Kon’s accidental incidental super strength, and so he sighed back into the hug. “It’s just- this was supposed to be your birthday present, from me.”

“My present? I don’t even have a birthday, Rob.” Kon finally pulled back, and Tim did the same, keeping close.

“I figured I’d tell you my identity on my birthday, since we don’t really have one for you.” Tim picked at a loose string on his jeans. “I don’t know, it seems stupid to say out loud now.”

Kon reached a hand to Tim’s face, forcing him to meet his eyes. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever even thought of doing for me.”

“I doubt that.” Tim huffed, smile returned. “But now I know you think my music is cool.”

“You could’ve known that without the covert spy shit.” Kon shook his head, hand slipping back down to his side.

“It was not ‘covert spy shit’, it was you being an idiot. You asked me twice why I seemed so familiar to you, dude.”

Kon opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. “Got me there.”

Tim rubbed the back of his neck, looking around the room uneasily. “Hey, so just because um, I’m me, can you keep this between us?”

Kon tilted his head, “What do you mean? Of course I won’t tell anyone your secret identity, that’s like part of the whole team thing.”

“I appreciate that, and no duh.” Tim looked up to meet Kon’s eyes again, making a note of how quickly and entirely the red hot anger had seeped out of them. “But B, he’s a little insane about the identity thing. Obviously you know what it’s like from Clark, but B is… just don’t go calling me Tim around Batman.”

“Cross my heart, I’ll never out you to the big bad bat in the sky.”

It was Tim’s turn to gape like a fish, trying to wrap his head around every part of that sentence. Firstly, he hadn’t come out to Kon just now- though the thought had occurred to him to do so. Secondly, Batman didn’t fly. Thirdly, no one had crossed their heart to Tim since third grade and it was wildly endearing.

“I trust you.” Tim nodded, turning back to the task of wiping down the window that he’d abandoned.

“I trust you too, and if I had any big secrets, I’d share them now to prove it, but I don’t.” Kon patted Tim’s shoulder as he passed behind him. “Oh no wait, I’m dating your sister.”

Tim barked an amused laugh. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

“I was being serious.” Kon scrunched his face up.

“No, c’mon, you don’t even-” Tim’s eyes narrowed. “Which one?”

Kon doubled over himself laughing. “I actually got you!”

“Oh fuck off.” Tim let out a deep breath. “All of my sisters would sooner kick your ass than date you.”

 

Kon wiggled his eyebrows. “What about your brothers?”

Tim’s mouth twisted up and he sighed. “I’d really like to say none of them would date you either, but Dick has a thing for aliens and annoying people. You happen to tick both boxes.”

Kon mimicked a shot over his heart, falling to the ground dramatically and hovering just slightly above the lint and litter scattering the tile. “You’ve fatally wounded me.”

“Oh don’t worry, you’ve got Nightwing there to save you.”

Kon’s eyes practically bugged out of his sockets. “Dick is…Nightwing?”

“Why do I bother.” Tim shook his head. “Yeah dude, obviously.”

“Well now I’m less offended you think I’m his type.” Kon picked himself up, leaning against a cat tree and leering over Tim. “You seriously find Nightwing unfunny?”

“Try living with the guy that’s constantly quipping during fights. If he can’t stop talking to beat the shit out of people, he can’t ever shut up.”

Kon nodded. “Right, right. But that wouldn’t be a problem, because I find him hilarious and also interesting.”

Tim winced, desperately fighting a stupid smile. “I don’t like the direction of this conversation.”

Kon seemed about to retort with something equally disturbing about Dick- but the door was thrown open dramatically. A small boy walked in in-front of Damian, rushing to Kon. “Can I go to movie night!” He screeched, smile wide.

“When and where?” Kon crossed his arms, looking fondly at the excited kid.

“Wayne Manor at six this Sunday, the 15th.” Damian answered, trying to get the attention of a sleeping cat in the corner of the room.

“Does B know you’re inviting him?” Tim butted in, leaning around Kon to look at Damian.

Damian didn’t take his eyes off the cat as he answered. “Yes. Father did not know who I had befriended when he denied my sleepover request. He deems Jon adequate.”

Tim snorted. “Oh then tell him I’m inviting a friend too.”

“I do not believe that invitation extends to-”

“Kon, you busy Sunday night?” Tim interrupted, turning his attention back to his friend in front of him.

Kon smiled instantly, a hand coming up to his face in faux thought. “Well, you know we’ve got family dinner at the farm, but we could swing by at say what, six thirty?”

Jon jumped a little and pulled on Kon’s sleeve excitedly. Tim smiled lopsidedly looking down at Jon, who was rewarded for his excitement with Kon mussing up his hair.

Chapter Text

Dick stared at the motorcycle. He’d been staring for the past three minutes. Jason had been holding his mouth for the past two.

“Okay-” the damn finally broke, Jason laughing through his fingers. “I just texted Tim.”

“You-!” Dick spun on his heel, eyes squinty and an irritated red. “Why.” He pouted, drawing out the last syllable of the word.

A buzzing from Jason’s pocket drew his attention away from his overdramatic brother. His other overdramatic brother was calling.

“Why do you need a ride?” Tim was obviously chewing on something on the other end of the line. “I’m already getting my shoes on, but do I need to come in suit, or is this a civilian thing?”

Dick was staring at him with the widest he’d seen his eyes go that night, obviously terrified of the prospect of both seeing Tim within the next few minutes and also potentially having to talk to him on the phone.

“Oh it’s a civilian thing alright.” Jason still had half a laugh on his lips.

A moment of silence on the other end before the telltale click of Tim’s phone connecting to his car’s bluetooth. “And?”

Jason sighed deeply, putting Tim on speakerphone to avoid Dick actually exploding in anticipation. Dick sat on the curb next to him, hands curled into his sweatshirt like hoodie paws. If Jason didn’t have Tim on the phone, he’d snap a picture to send off to Kory. She liked seeing Dick’s eccentricities about as much as Jason liked making fun of them.

“And we smoked a bowl because Dickwad forgot about movie night.”

There was another moment of silence, this one sounded more like Tim’s phone getting muted, before laughter filled Jason’s phone speakers. “You two are idiots!”

“Yeah yeah, but hey maybe it’ll shake up movie night.” Jason shrugged, looking around the abandoned street.

A long sigh that didn’t exactly sound like Tim. “Oh you have no idea how much we’ll be shaking up movie night. I’ll explain when we get there, I’ve got your location and ETA is looking like ten minutes.”

“Sounds good.” Jason looked up to find Dick giving him a hard stare.

Dick switched his glare to the phone. “We?”

“I’m not bringing Damian, don’t worry Richie.”

“Who are you bringing?” Dick’s voice reached a new octave that Jason was previously unaware of.

If it was possible to roll his eyes through the phone, Tim would be the one to convey just that. “I just said, I’ll explain when I see you.”

Dick let his head fall into his hands.

“Alright, we’ll be seeing you then.” Jason hung up. “That didn’t go that bad.”

“I can’t believe you texted him.”

“Who else?” Jason put a hand on Dick’s shoulder softly. “If we’d taken a rideshare you would’ve panicked the whole way and freaked out the driver. At least now we’ll go into movie night knowing that Tim’s got us, right?”

“He definitely does not have our backs here and will be doing anything he can to embarrass me and/or you in front of Duke and Cass.” Dick had his sweater paws propping up his face.

Jason clapped Dick’s shoulder as he took his hand back. “Oh yee of little faith, the kid ain’t that bad.”

It took less than five minutes for Tim’s bright red sports car to make a flashy entrance, doing a donut in front of them before coming to stop right against the curb they were sat on. Dick opened one of the back doors with a sigh and held it open for Jason to follow.

“You’re a terrible driver.” Dick muttered.

“Says you, Jason told me that you-”

“You told him!” Dick slapped Jason’s chest with a sweater paw. “That was- that was confidential, you promised me.”

“I didn’t tell him about that time!” Jason put his hands up in surrender. “Just that one time when I was in the car.”

That seemed to satisfy Dick, who turned to look out the window in angst instead of continuing the argument. Tim made a mental note to get whatever Dick didn’t want him to know out of Jason at a later date.

Jason leaned forward in his seat. “Who’s your friend?”

On cue, Kon reached a hand into the backseat. “Kon El.”

Neither Dick or Jason took his hand. Dick squinted at him. “We’ve met before.”

Kon swallowed. “Yeah, I uh work at the rescue that Damian volunteers at.”

“Shit! Yeah, you’re the funny front desk guy!” Dick’s face lit up and he leaned forward unconsciously.

Kon broke into a fit of laughter with Tim glowering next to him in the driver’s seat. Tim pitied his brothers and made eye contact with Dick in the rear-view mirror. “He was hitting on you to me, it’s a long story.”

“I-” Dick started but closed his mouth and sat still for a moment. “Thanks?”

“No hard feelings, but I seriously wouldn’t, I just wanted to get under this guy’s skin.” Kon gave an faux apologetic grin to Dick.

Jason looked around the car bewildered. “Wait- am I missing something? Since when are you two best buds?”

“Dude, we’ve been on a team together for years. He’s my best friend?” Tim shot back, taking the sharp turn up the mountain road leading to Wayne Manor.

“No, but since when are you hanging out without -” Jason mimicked a mask.

“Since now.” Tim shrugged.

Dick shook his head, unable to hide his smile. “B is going to flip.”

“No, but you might.” Jason shrugged, realizing after he’d said it that they’d had that exact interaction probably a dozen or so times when they were kids. Old habits die hard.

Dick rolled his eyes. “Does he know that Kon is coming?”

“He knows.” Tim nodded. “Well, he knows that Jon is coming and I figured he couldn’t be mad.”

Dick pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he’d caught from Bruce and Tim. “He could. He will.”

Tim looked incredulously through the rearview mirror. “Yeah but he’s got no grounds to stand on. Damian got to invite someone, and hell, it’s pretty much the same thing.”

“On the topic, I’ve been meaning to ask…” Jason coughed awkwardly. “Isn’t it weird for you guys to be friends? With how Supes and B are?” He draped himself over the back of Tim’s chair, looking between him and Kon.

Dick snorted but held his tongue.

Kon tilted his head in thought. “No, I’ve never really thought about it.”

Tim nodded in agreement. “I try not to. I don’t know Clark as well as you two do, but it’s not like they’ve fucked. And- well, it’s not that we have either, I just mean that-”

Dick lost his shit. He doubled over himself laughing in the backseat, one hand having made it’s way into the ‘oh shit’ handle and the other plastered across his stomach as he caught his breath.

“What?” Tim’s voice came out icy.

It took a moment for Dick to compose himself, the sweater paws finally coming off as he pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “They did fuck, that’s all.”

The car went silent. Only the dull clicking of the turn signal filled the void.

“Oh. Probably shouldn’t have said that.” Dick sighed.

“They- they fucked?” Kon blinked a couple of times. “Like- when?”

“I was ten, I think?” Dick scratched the back of his head. “It was before they knew their identities. B probably knew, but I can’t prove that.” He shrugged. “Bruce had an image to upkeep, and there was a ‘hot’ new single reporter at some event. I don’t know anything that happened, just that he ate breakfast with us the next day, which wasn’t normal, and then two months later when Clark showed up in the supersuit and glasses in the batcave, he was forever Uncle Clark from then on.”

“That’s insane, Dick.” Tim barely held back an astonished laugh.

Jason turned his body fully towards Dick. “There was a time you didn’t know who he was?”

Dick shrugged. “It wasn’t a long time, just about a year into knowing him. He’s pretty trusting, I think he was waiting for B to trust him.”

“So- I’ve never felt weird about being your best friend before, Tim, but I’m beginning to feel...” Kon narrowed his eyes, clicking his tongue. “Our dads have seen each other naked.”

“I don’t blame you.” Tim looked only slightly shellshocked. “I didn’t know he was bisexual.”

Jason had somehow found the bag of twizzlers that Tim must have been snacking on when he’d called earlier and was making one hell of a dent. “We all are.”

Another pointed silence. Kon opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, eyes darting between each of them in the car. Tim, narrowed eyes focused entirely on the road in front of them, lips pursed in both frustration and thought. Frustrating thoughts, then. Dick, eyes caught between the footbed and the window, hands balled up in his hoodie and sitting at what had to be an uncomfortable angle. Jason, the only one of them to catch his gaze and hold it as he stopped chewing twizzlers to glare.

“Are you serious.” Tim all but whispered.

“Who in this car isn’t bisexual?” Jason raised his own hand.

“You just raised your own hand.” Tim glared in the rearview.

“I’m not sticking any god damned labels on myself.” Jason shook his head and polished off another twizzler. “I go both ways though.”

“Dick?” Tim cocked an eyebrow in the rearview mirror.

Dick shook his head and went back to his intended window brooding. “I plead the fifth.”

“That’s kinda cool.” Kon elbowed Tim, reaching behind him for the bag of twizzlers from Jason, who did not give it up. “All of you guys have something to bond over. I, personally, think it’s sweet. Only like half of my family is bisexual.”

“Wait, even Steph?” Tim turned slightly to try and look at Jason, ignoring Kon. “What about Cass? Duke?”

“I’m not speaking for them.” Dick injected. “But if I were, I’d say they probably have similar answers to Jason and myself.”

“Christ, I know nothing about this family.” Tim turned back to the road and shook his head. Dick laughed, almost torn from his brooding to be fully back in the conversation, but Tim cut him off before he could. “Don’t even try to comment on how much I know about you, Grayson. I could have assumed you were bisexual years ago without needing your confirmation, I was just being polite.”

“I-” Dick closed his mouth and didn’t give that a full reply.

Kon was looking at Tim like he’d both hung the stars and grown another head. Tim sighed. “It’s a long story but I stalked him for awhile.”

“Still do.” Dick muttered under his breath and Jason huffed a laugh.

“Got it.” Kon nodded. “So glad to finally get to know you out of the suit. It’s nice to know that you’re just another normal guy stalking your family members like anyone else.”

Tim groaned and turned into the garage. “You two are still stoned, and while it’s all cool and fun that you decided to tell us all that shit right now, what are we going to do in there?”

Dick sighed. “B knows we smoked. He even texted to remind me of movie night, probably because he knew I wouldn’t have if-”

Tim turned the car off and unclipped his seatbelt to properly turn and glare at the two of them. “He knows?”

“Yeah.” Dick wiped a hand over his face. “And while we’re on the topic, get rid of your vape. At least while you’re home and not doing young justice stuff.”

“How did-” Tim’s face went red. “Were you in my room again? I told you to quit that!”

“I was looking for- nevermind, doesn’t matter. I won’t do it again, just don’t let B find it.”

Tim crossed his arms, still glaring over the center console. “Why does it matter to you?”

“Because I am the oldest- if you get caught with drugs, it gets blamed on me.”

“‘Drugs’?” Tim laughed, fishing his vape from his pocket. “It’s not even considered a controlled substance.”

“You’re nineteen, Tim, it’s illegal for you to have that.” Dick motioned to the vape. “Isn’t it counterproductive to have a nicotine addiction on top of the physical stuff we do?”

Tim sputtered. “We’re getting off track here, you two need to sober up or face the wrath of everyone inside when you show up obviously stoned.”

A small moment of silence in which Tim finally remembered to take out the abandoned Placebo CD from the center console.

“Maybe me and Jon will take the heat off of you guys.” Kon shrugged.

“Certainly not.” Tim scoffed. “Throw one thing off and all of us are on edge, they’ll notice immediately that Dick can’t make eye contact and Jason’s eyes are about 20% more dilated.”

Jason shook his head. “Fuck, well there’s not much we can do about either of those things. Not without freaking out Grayson even more.”

Dick whipped his head between the two of them. “Why would I freak out? Why is this mostly about me?”

“Because I take gas station edibles every other night of the week, I’m not scared of this. Hell, I’m almost certain I was stoned during the last movie night.”

“You-” Dick pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay so it’s mostly about me then.”

Kon sat up straight, raising his hand as if in class. “I have one idea.”

Tim grabbed Kon’s hand and put it down. “Go ahead.”

“You two smell like weed. That’s the one thing we can fix.” Kon shrugged off his jacket, “Jason.” He handed his jacket over.

Tim pulled off his hoodie, passing it back to Dick. “Not your worst idea.”

Kon winked at him.“Sometimes I’m smart.”

“Key word: sometimes.” Tim rolled his eyes.

Dick slipped off his hoodie and pulled Tim’s over his shoulders. “Wait- this is mine. Have you been stealing my stuff again?”

Tim flushed red. “I was in bludhaven for the day and needed a place to crash for an hour or two. No big deal.”

“I’ve- I.” Dick shook his head and punched the back of Kon’s seat lightly. “How did I not see you on the cameras? I added extra security since the last time you broke in.”

Tim pursed his lips. “And who helped you pick out which cameras and what type of system to install?”

Jason put a hand on Dick’s shoulder. “Damn.”

Kon huffed a small laugh and looked between Tim and Dick endearingly. “For being your favorite, you two sure bicker a lot.”

Tim’s eyes went wide and he smacked Kon’s shoulder. Jason and Dick shared a knowing look.

“Really?” Jason snorted. “He’s your favorite?”

“He’s- I-” Tim gaped. “Let’s go inside now.”

The car doors opened with the click of a button and they clambered into the garage.

Chapter Text

Alfred had asked them into the kitchen. Just them, not Kon or Jon or anyone else. Bruce was leaned against a counter, glaring daggers at the floor.

“You didn’t have to come.” He sounded almost embarrassed, voice high and uncomfortable. “To movie night. If you forgot.”

Bruce wouldn’t make eye contact with either of them, though only Jason could see that. Dick was busying himself with memorizing the tiled pattern on the floor. Alfred had conveniently left the room, leaving them to fend for themselves.

“It is your choice to come or not, I would never want you to feel obligated to-” Bruce stopped, chewing on his cheek. “To be a part of this, I know that you two have your own lives.”

Jason stepped forward, face falling. “Bruce. We forgot, but we’re both still here.”

Dick swallowed and stepped up as well, still staring down at the floor as he spoke. “I-” He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry I forgot, but it means a lot that I still get an invite every month.”

Bruce gave one quick nod and rested his hands against the countertop. He looked around the room, considering something. “Why do you two smoke?”

Jason laughed, tension draining out of him. Dick followed suit. Bruce cracked a soft smile, looking between his two sons.

Bruce’s eyebrows squished together as he attempted to brush off his smile. “Call me a square, and I know you will, but I don’t understand.”

“It’s- I don’t know, old man, it’s nice.” Jason shrugged, jumping up to sit on the kitchen island opposite Bruce. “Feels like a reprieve.”

Dick moved to lean against the counter next to where Jason had jumped up, nodding softly in agreement. “Yeah. That.”

“Ah.” Bruce clicked his tongue, falling victim to adopting Supes’ mannerisms like the rest of them. “It calms you down?”

“Something like that.” Dick jumped up to sit on the counter with Jason, albeit, in a much more graceful maneuver than his brother. “It was an act of rebellion for awhile, for me at least.”

“I’d never care if you-” Bruce shook his head, feeling the grout of the countertop tile under his fingertips. “I trust your judgement, Dick.”

Dick looked back down at the floor. “Yeah, I just had to test that out.”

“And my judgement?” Jason crossed his arms.

Bruce pursed his lips and didn’t reply.

“Have-” Dick cleared his throat. “Have you ever smoked, B?”

Bruce’s eyes went a little wider, nothing anyone else would notice, but he’d trained them in all sorts of microexpressions. This was something close to surprised, if Dick was correct. Which he usually was. Jason elbowed him in the side with a smirk of his own. These were the types of conversations they had always cornered Bruce into as kids, chiding him about stupid shit and trying to get him to answer all sorts of silly questions for the sake of attempting to embarrass him. That, or for the sake of making him even the slightest bit uncomfortable - which was an almost impossible task. The man held close to no shame in that god damned utility belt.

“Yes. Many times. Parties and ‘business’ experiences.” He sighed. “It never quite effected me right. Weed is a powerful drug, but I never felt it fully.”

“Hm.” Jason fished something out of the pockets of his cargo pants. “Well, have you ever tried an edible?”

The package was obviously bought from a gas station. Shiny graphics in a plastic iridescent bag. Jason shook it in front of him and opened it, unleashing the potent smell of weed and artificial strawberry into the kitchen.

“I-” Bruce bit his cheek again. “I suppose I haven’t.”

“No time like the present, old man.” Jason shook two edibles out of the package and held his hand out to Bruce, who took one between his fingers and eyed it suspiciously.

Dick suddenly remembered Jason’s earlier remark about gas station edibles and their potency, eyeing the bag that Jason still had in his hand. Yep- he’d read that right, there was close to 2,000 MG in the bag. Which meant that each edible, 10 of them total, had about 200 MG.

“What strain is this?” Bruce asked, eyes narrowing.

“Edibles don’t typically work like that, but it’s an indica. The sleepy kind.” Jason supplied, already putting the bag away.

Bruce ate it without a word and walked out of the kitchen. Dick’s head fell in his hands as Jason hopped down off the counter.

“What did you just do?” Dick said quietly, hoping desperately that Alfred wasn’t snooping behind the archway for that whole conversation.

“Look- now you can’t get anxious about the kids thinking there’s something up. If Cass or Duke or Steph stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, they’ll get a whiff of him before they point fingers at us.”

Dick eyed him from behind his fingers. “Why did you not include Babs in that?”

“Oh she couldn’t make it this month.” Jason shrugged. “I thought you read the group chat.”

Dick scoffed. “I thought you didn’t.”

“Whatever. This shit will wear off long before that edible kicks in, I’d say about,” Jason looked down at a nonexistent watch on his wrist, “halfway through Jumanji.”

“We’re watching Jumanji?” Dick winced. “I hate that movie.”

“Timmy will be so disappointed." Jason shook his head. “He has a powerpoint pulled up and everything.”

“A powerpoint? About Jumanji?”

“No, I’m fucking with you.” Jason snorted. “But he does really love it, so you best sit there and pretend you’re having a good time.”

Dick rolled his eyes, deflating back against the counter. “When’s my turn to pick again?”

Jason started rooting around in cabinets, looking for something other than the three huge bowls of popcorn laid out on the counter. “Your birth month. March.”

“And yours?” Dick suddenly remembered the popcorn, and sat up to grab one of the bowls for himself.

“Oh no I got banned from picking the movie.” Fruity Pebbles emerged from the cabinet and Jason popped the top off immediately. “I made everyone watch Pink Flamingos, remember?”

“How could I forget?” Dick snorted.

Damian appeared in the middle of the archway, clearing his throat and causing both of them to nearly jump out of their skin. “Hello.”

“Hey buddy, what’s up?” Dick smiled, setting the popcorn bowl down.

Damian made his way into the kitchen, snagging a bowl of popcorn. “Jon requested that I claim one of the popcorn bowls for the two of us.”

Dick ruffed his hair, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl Damian had picked up. “How did you manage to get Father to let you invite a friend to movie night?”

“He is Superman’s son.” Damian replied simply, picking at the popcorn.

Dick and Jason shared a look. “So Kon is- right.” He nodded, sighing. “That makes Superboy’s comments about me last week a little more mortifying.”

“Only a little, though.” Jason jabbed. “And we literally went over that like fifteen minutes ago in the car.”

Dick ducked his head, playing with Tim’s- no, his hoodie strings. “Oh. Yeah, I wasn’t really listening, I only caught that Tim invited someone else to movie night.”

“Typical.” Jason tsked. “Only tuned into the least interesting parts.”

Dick leaned forward, jabbing a finger Jason’s direction. “Hey, I-”

“Father would like to start the movie in the next ten minutes.” Damian cut into their banter. “I would like to sit between Jon and you.” He nodded to Dick.

“That sounds good with me Dami, we’ll be in there in a sec.” Dick ruffed Damian’s hair one more time before he left the room.

They watched him leave in silence.

“Did Superboy actually flirt with you?” Jason narrowed his eyes. “I only heard part of what was going on through comms.”

“He- well.” Dick shook his head. “It was a lot of ‘did you fall from heaven’ and ‘are you from Tennessee’ which was really confusing at the time because Tim kept turning off his comms completely, which meant that when you weren’t checking in, it was a non stop onslaught of terrible, and I mean terrible, pickup lines. And I usually like the cheesy ones!”

“What gets me is that Tim told him who you were but he hasn’t figured out that you’re dating one of the toughest aliens in the galaxy, who would gladly whoop his ass for saying that shit.”

“Kory wouldn’t-” Dick titled his head. “Yeah that is weird, huh.”

“They totally have a thing going on.” Jason murmured around a handful of Fruity Pebbles. “It’s not just Superboy, Tim’s being weird too.”

“He is.” Dick hopped down off the counter. “When is he not, though.”

“For one thing, this little crush, or whatever, is giving him a lot more confidence. The kid didn’t even stutter once on the phone with me, and he didn’t sound embarrassed about obviously tracking both of us to get our location either.”

“I don’t know if that’s confidence.” Dick stole a handful of Fruity Pebbles out of the box. “I think the nervousness is an act, he does that just to make it sound like he’s ashamed. If he had any remorse for stalking either of us, he would have stopped stalking us by now.”

Jason sighed. “You’re probably right on that one.”

“It’s less confidence and more distracted, then.” Dick considered. “Which isn’t the best.”

“He can afford a little distraction.” Jason shrugged, grabbing a bowl of popcorn and headed for the kitchen. “Out of all of us, I mean.”

“Agreed.” Dick hummed and followed after him, carrying the other popcorn bowl.