Chapter Text
Nakahara Chuuya is many things, but he is not, absolutely fucking not, one Dazai Osamu’s lover.
The whole of Japan however, now thinks otherwise.
“So, what do you think about all this snow?” The sad excuse of a T.V. reporter asks, and Dazai casually gives her an answer that clearly is not one that anybody, especially Chuuya, expects.
Why is he in this situation again?
Well. It is a cold snowy day, the drop in temperature Chuuya uses as an excuse to spend his money carelessly on a brand new bottle of expensive wine.
When he exits the liquor store, all intent on finishing the whole bottle on his own in his home, he hears gunshots. Then he hears explosions and the sound of innocent bystanders squealing because oh my god there is an explosion for crying out loud, and then from the rush of people he spots Dazai.
Chuuya turns away, wine cradled in his arms because the people keeps on bumping his shoulders because he is easy to miss because he is so short, and it really proves to be a tiring effort not to just kill them all. He turns away and walks briskly because he just had spotted Dazai and spotting Dazai automatically means trouble. Chuuya is more than a hundred percent sure that the gunshots and explosion were caused by his infuriating partner. He is right.
Because Chuuya is down on his luck, Dazai spots him. Chuuya tries to fly away, manipulating gravity like he always does, but Dazai is fast and just before Chuuya could float away his arm has been held captive.
“What the fuck?” He exclaims, and Dazai only laughs at him before he pulls him, forces Chuuya to join the running spree away from a certain gang that Dazai has just bombed.
He tries to break free, many times, but Dazai’s grip only grows tighter and tighter with every attempt and eventually, Chuuya gives up.
“We’ll try to lose them in the crowd!” Dazai announces with a bright smile on his face, it is as if his idea matches the significance of discovering that the sun does not in fact revolve around the earth.
“What do you mean ‘we?’” Chuuya struggles again but Dazai ignores him completely as they join the crowd of people, ready to binge on the winter season sale despite the heavy onslaught of snow. A strong gust of wind passes by, and Chuuya feels his hat fly away. But before another curse word flees his mouth because he could not just let go of the wine he just bought, Dazai turns, jumps, and harshly places his beloved hat back on his head that he wobbles.
“If I lose my hat I’ll kill you!” Chuuya threatens.
And then they are running again, squeezing past the flurry of Japanese men and women and children. Somewhere, somehow, Dazai’s grip on his wrist melts into their fingers intertwining. Chuuya does not notice it at all, and he has no idea that it is why the grin on Dazai’s face only stretches further, almost reaching his ears.
He notices this only when they cross the street and is stopped by a huge camera and a female reporter with a microphone.
She asks, “What do you think about all this snow?”
Chuuya opens his mouth to say ‘what do fuck do you think about all this fucking snow?’ But Dazai, as always, beats him to it.
And Dazai says, “There’s something special in the air about being with your loved one when it’s snowing, so I like it!”
That is supposed to be Chuuya’s cue to jab Dazai on the ribs, but instead he covers his face with a gloved hand, the bottle of wine almost slips and almost falls but Dazai catches it with his other free hand. He hears a giggle, and Chuuya knows that it is not the end of it.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He whispers, hisses, bites at Dazai but the voice of the reporter slices through.
“You are partners!” The reporter squeals in delight, and Dazai tugs Chuuya closer to him, fingers still are laced together, tighter because Chuuya tries to pull away again.
“Yes we are!” Dazai’s voice is high pitched Chuuya makes a mental note to slit Dazai’s throat. “We are, you can say, partners in love.”
Somewhere, Kouyou-nee chokes on her tea.
“It’s crime! Partners in crime you imbecile! We are literally partners in crime! We—” Chuuya exclaims with wide eyes and furrowed brows. He stands on his tiptoes, flushed face close to Dazai that their noses almost touches. Chuuya forgets for a second that there is still a camera continuously recording them and when he remembers, he covers his face again then steps on Dazai’s toes with the inch of heel under his shoe. “Goddamnit!”
“Oh look! He’s all red!” She points out, and Dazai agrees.
“I know!” He joins her, much to Chuuya’s annoyance and complete embarrassment. He steps on Dazai’s toes again, this time grinding in his heel on Dazai’s leather shoes. When Dazai continues to gush and embarrass him, Chuuya kicks Dazai’s shin. But Dazai only adds fuel to Chuuya’s cute little flame, “And look! He wears a hat! Isn’t it adorable?”
“Oh my fucking god!” Chuuya closes his eyes shut and continues to attack Dazai with his best efforts as he pulls said adorable hat further down his face until it reaches his brows.
The sound of people yelling followed by gruff commanding voices becomes music to Chuuya’s ears. Dazai turns his head, the squeeze on Chuuya’s hand means that he’s on alert.
“Aaand that’s our cue to leave!”
“But—” The reporter tries to insist but Chuuya’s hand leaves his face in favor of putting a finger against the reporter’s glossed lips and he finds it too sticky. Ugh!
“Don’t!” Chuuya shouts. “Not. Another. Word. Or I swear I’ll—”
“We hope to meet you again sometime!” Dazai cuts him off and he bends down, occupying the whole camera shot with his stupid grin still plastered on his face. For a wanted man being chased currently by a gang that is surely to be wiped off the surface of Japan in no less than an hour, Dazai proudly exposes himself on T.V. “The next time you see us, Chuuya’s my wife!”
“Oi! You bastard!”
There’s a single gunshot that has the people running around and before the reporter can say anything else, Dazai sends a wink towards the camera before promptly pulling Chuuya away.
The last thing that audio captures is Chuuya demanding to be let go, Dazai’s singsong refusal, and the sound of another explosion after Dazai throws a grenade.
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