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English
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Shuttlepod One Discord Collection
Stats:
Published:
2025-09-26
Completed:
2025-09-26
Words:
900
Chapters:
7/7
Comments:
10
Kudos:
18
Bookmarks:
2
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86

out of sight, out of mind (it's not too late)

Summary:

Malcolm and personhood, through his crewmates.

Notes:

Part of BPD is identity issues and boy do I have a lot of those. And I think Malcolm has some issues with identity too. His sense of personhood seems to be skewed to me. He views himself as a cog in the machine, a tool to be used - not a person. So I wrote this partially as a vent and partially as a character study.

Each chapter is the POV of a different member of the senior staff, ending with Malcolm himself. I'll put the POV character in the chapter title so there's no confusion. :]

Chapter 1: Jonathan Archer

Chapter Text

I’ve tried being friendly with Malcolm before. This is a long mission. We’d do well to get to know each other, learn a bit more about each other.

But Malcolm’s been resistant to that. I know it’s because I’m his captain, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s also something more. His little stunt out on the hull confirmed my suspicions. And I don’t like it one bit.

So I’ll do what I can to reassure him we want him here, that he belongs here. I just can’t stand the thought of losing him in that sort of way.

Chapter 2: Hoshi Sato

Chapter Text

Malcolm isn’t an easy man to get to know, is something his sister once told me. Back when I was snooping around to see what he liked to eat so we could make him a birthday dinner.

Mysterious. Something of a recluse.

It’s almost as if he’s scared of something. As if the thought of getting attached to someone is his biggest nightmare.

That worries me a little. Because it means he’s preparing for the possibility of losing us. Like he’s preparing for us to leave him—or worse, for him to leave us.

And that thought frankly terrifies me.

Chapter 3: Travis Mayweather

Chapter Text

Malcolm hasn’t changed much in the years I’ve known him. We got to know each other at the academy, way back when. He shocked me at first, because he was a lot older than typical recruits, but he had an explanation for that.

He always has explanations for everything. Waves away our concerns with a small smile.

Hoshi tells me she thinks he’s afraid to get attached to people. I can see that. He’s always kept a distance between us, despite the fact that he’d call us friends—and I him.

I sometimes wonder what keeps him holding that distance.

Chapter 4: T'Pol

Chapter Text

Lieutenant Reed is something of a ‘kindred spirit’, as my human crewmates might say. He has a logical mindset.

However, what is illogical is his tendency to make poor decisions about his own wellbeing.

As a security officer, he knows it is his duty to risk himself for the sake of his crewmates. It is the frequency at which he does so that has caused some murmurs among the ship. I must say, I share these concerns.

But I do not mention it.

I do keep him company in the mess hall at odd times. I think he appreciates it.

Chapter 5: Phlox

Chapter Text

Lieutenant Reed has been in my sickbay more times than I care to count. A lot of away missions seem to result in him coming to me, banged up but frustratingly stoic about it, always spouting some drivel about how it’s part of his job.

Well, as his doctor, I have been keeping an eye on him. At the behest of the captain, but mostly because I consider Lieutenant Reed a friend, and friends do not leave friends to suffer.

I know he has a skewed sense of what he is. I can only hope we can help correct it.

Chapter 6: Trip Tucker

Chapter Text

When I first met Malcolm, I thought for sure we wouldn’t get along.

Well, just look at us now. Best friends. Inseparable. I hear that a lot from the lower decks crewmen when they think I ain’t listening.

But Malcolm worries me, sometimes, with his self-sacrificial tendencies. He seems to think he’s nothing more than a body for us to shield ourselves with. Disposable. Replaceable.

He doesn’t seem to know what he’s worth to me. To us.

He doesn’t seem to realise that if he were gone, we’d never be able to replace him.

I think about that a lot.

Chapter 7: Malcolm Reed

Notes:

Malcolm's ran to 300 words. I couldn't get it any shorter without cutting a lot of what I wanted to say.

Chapter Text

A perfect little soldier.

That’s something Harris once told me I was. My former superior. He said it almost mockingly, as if it were something to be ashamed of.

I was never ashamed of his words. There was no room for shame in the Section. But they did put a heavy weight on my shoulders, a weight I’ve been carrying around all these years.

Captain Archer’s tried to be friendly towards me. Inviting me to breakfast, engaging me in idle chatter. I typically reject his offers, for he’s my superior and it’s inappropriate. But despite that, Commander Tucker’s become something of a friend to me. Same with Travis—Ensign Mayweather. Hoshi, too.

I don’t know about T’Pol and the doctor. I think the subcommander tolerates my presence—but she confuses me, for she seems to seek me out sometimes, and I can’t fathom why.

Perfect little soldier.

I’m the security, armoury, and tactical officer. It’s my job to keep this crew safe. Yes, sometimes at the expense of myself. That’s just part of my duty. And no one seems to understand that. No one understands that I’m here as a disposable member, not a permanent one.

So yes, I’ve been resistant to getting to know them. I’ve kept our relationships shallow at best. I don’t share titbits about my life the way they do. There’s no point.

It’s not that I’m suicidal, no. Far from it. I have a desire to live. But I know, realistically, that my duties likely won’t allow that. So I’ve prepared myself. I’ve familiarized myself with the prospect of death more than I’ve familiarized myself with my crewmates.

Maybe that’s creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. But I don’t care. They want to stay alive? I’m the price.

They’ll just have to come to peace with that.