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Shen Jiu knew there was high chances that no matter what Shen Yuan would grow up to be like him.
But he didn’t want him to.
Because he didn’t want him to lash out at everything, to struggle to look men in the eye, to be uncomfortable in his own skin.
He didn’t want him to feel like his body was never his own in the first place, he didn’t want him to struggle to get up in the morning or look in the mirror.
He would never want that for his brother.
No matter what people said, Shen Jiu loved his brother to death, and had almost once died for him twice before and would do it again.
But he knew he wasn’t the right person to influence him, to raise him or clothe and feed him.
Even as a peak lord, he still struggles everyday and there's nothing he wouldn’t do to make sure his little brother never goes through that.
He hated himself, and he hated the world, but he could never hate Shen Yuan.
Shen Yuan was his light, what kept him going everyday and to wake up in the morning.
But he didn’t know how much Shen Yuan loved and trusted him anymore.
He had specifically told him to leave that beast alone, to stay away from him.
But he didn’t.
And he’s been stuck wondering what went wrong, what he did wrong that Shen Yuan preferred his ‘A-Luo’ over him.
(And wasn't that something, to hear that term of endearment again after so long.
The last time he heard that was when Haitang the young lady referred to his abuser.)
He’s stuck wondering if he didn’t teach him about men enough, to never trust what they show on the outside because they will wear a mask till they get what they want.
Shen Jiu knows how men act, how they play the victim, lie, and hide when it works in their favor.
And he knows that beast hides behind a mask, to play the role of an innocent sheep to get what he wants.
He watches the way Shen Yuan stays oblivious while the beast's eyes darken for reasons Shen Yuan should stay innocent to.
And he watches how he manipulates Shen Yuan into believing him and to grow away from Shen Jiu.
And Shen Jiu, Shen Jiu doesn't know how much longer he can take it.
Doesn’t know how long he can watch a wolf in sheep's clothing manipulate his brother.
But he waits.
And he watches as Shen Yuan matures and starts acting like him.
Using a fan as a shield to what he doesn’t want to hear or see, the way he closes up when asked certain things.
And the way he hisses and strokes like a snake anytime someone grates at his nerves.
And then Shen Jiu realizes, he didn’t do as good a job as he would’ve wanted to so he could keep Shen Yuan safe.
But he prides himself on knowing that the beast is gone.
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But he wasn’t gone for long.