Chapter Text
Shizuku had been looking forward to seeing Kaori today despite the disappointment she felt towards herself. The few lines she wrote were… pathetic. But it was something that Kaori could read, plus it still counts as progress, even if it’s little. Yet on the way to the hospital, she just can’t shake off the nagging feeling behind her mind that’s telling her something bad had happened.
Everyday was almost like a routine. Wake up, get ready, visit Kaori, go home, write more lines for the novel, go to sleep, then repeat the same thing for the next day. Shizuku doesn’t mind though, she somewhat enjoys the routine.
She feels like everything is coming to an end. The novel, the promise she and Kaori had made, and that scares her. She wonders what Kaori would say seeing how few Shizuku had written, maybe she would be disappointed? Then again, Kaori just enjoys reading her writing, no matter how big or little she writes.
She wanders in the waiting room and in the corner of her eyes she sees someone oddly familiar sitting … Was that Kaori’s sister? What’s she doing here? Was Kaori fully booked for today? No point in wondering, might as well ask her directly. She slowly approached Shiori from behind, her voice soft. “Um, Shiori-chan…?” She called out and earned a gasp and a flinch from the little girl.
She turned around, and Shizuku could clearly see that she had been crying. “O-Oh… Hoshikawa-san.” The little girl’s voice was small and shy. Why was Shiori crying? Shizuku bends down, leveling with Shiori who was seated. “H-Hey um… You okay? What happened?” She asked and a flash of hurt displayed across Shiori’s face, as if reminded of something terrible.
“S-She…” She girl sniffles, trying to wipe the tears that threatened to spill. “She slipped unconscious yesterday… And hasn’t come back yet.” The little girl said between tears.
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“What…?”
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That wasn’t possible, Kaori was okay when she had left yesterday. “I.. I don’t know what to do.” Shiori said, her head fully turned towards Shizuku.
“What if… What if she never wakes up? What am I supposed to do?” Shiori grasped at Shizuku’s shirt, holding on to her tightly. Shizuku couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
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No…
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Why? How?
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She said see you tomorrow.
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What?
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But if… If she never…
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No. This can’t be real.
This can’t be happening. No.
Kaori.
“Shiori.” Someone’s voice snapped Shizuku out of her trance. Both Shizuku and Shiori looked at the direction where the sound came from, there stood a man with light hair and glasses. Shiori pushed herself out of her seat and ran towards the man, embracing him in a hug. “Dad! Is she alright? She has to be fine now right? Right?” Shiori asked, panicked and troubled, hoping that her sister was okay. Shizuku clenched her chest, awaiting the news as cold sweat dripped down her forehead. Kaori’s father smiled gently and placed a hand on top of his daughter’s head. “Yeah. She’s fine. She just woke up.” A wave of relief washed over both Shiori and Shizuku upon hearing the news.
Shizuku’s hand that held her chest softened, ‘Thank god.’ She thought while releasing a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. After comforting his youngest child, Kaori’s father turned his attention to Shizuku. “You must be a friend of Kaori’s. I’m her father. Thanks for always taking the time to visit her.” He said as gratitude carried his words. Shizuku bowed her head, “Y-Yes. My name is Hoshikawa Shizuku.” She slowly raised her head as Kaori’s father spoke. “I’m afraid today's a bad day. She’s not ready for visitors yet. Could I ask you to come back another day? Oh, and I’ll tell her that you came. Sorry about this.” He smiled softly as he spoke, his tone sounding apologetic. Shizuku could only give a polite nod before leaving the hospital.
Shizuku still couldn’t believe what had happened, it all felt like a dream. Kaori seemed so energetic yesterday and they even texted at night. It felt so… sudden. It was stupid of her to think that Kaori will always be there when tomorrow comes, their time together was limited after all. Yet there was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to do.
It was naive of her to think that everything would be alright, that Kaori would leave the hospital sooner or later. But could you blame her? If you saw how happy Kaori seemed, how her smile was bright enough to lighten the whole room, wouldn’t you also think that she’s okay? Was it truly wrong for Shizuku to believe that their days together would go on and on?
There were no answers to her questions, instead more questions kept on coming. Would she be able to see Kaori the next time she visits? What if the tomorrow in “See you tomorrow” never comes? She can’t help but to think about those questions, even if it’s scary, even if she’s scared. What was she doing?
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Wasn’t she supposed to be ready for this?
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The way back home was a blur. All that Shizuku knew was that she was back home and laying on her bed inside the dark space she calls her room. Despite how late it was, Shizuku was unable to fall asleep, fear and anxiety gnawing at her mind. A soft chime from her phone had signaled a new message. Shizuku jumped into action quickly, grabbing her phone and opening the screen.
It was a message from Kaori. She was… apologizing. For not being able to tell her in advance. But she was also thanking her for coming by, telling her when she was allowed to receive visitors again. The day after tomorrow. That means Shizuku had roughly about 2 days to write more parts for the novel.
Shizuku rises from her bed and takes a few steps towards her desk, sitting down with a pencil in her hands and an empty sheet of paper. She needs to write. For her. She can’t afford to be scared right now. Writing is the most she can do. She must write.
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Yet despite her efforts, despite how long she had sat at her desk, her hand refused to move
and her mind was blank. Kaori’s character in the novel suddenly felt fake. Nothing came to her mind and their characters didn’t make sense. The Kaori in the novel was a happy and healthy girl, unlike the real Kaori who was sick and chose to hide her pain under a smile. What would that smile look like if she didn’t have any pain to hide?
Her hand refused to move, yet time didn't wait for her. Suddenly it was already 5PM and Shizuku hadn’t written a single word. The paper remained blank and the pencil remained still. She texted Kaori, telling her that she couldn’t today and would instead come tomorrow, she didn’t dare to tell her the reason, didn’t dare to tell her that she hadn’t made any progress.
She continued to try and write, hoping that something, just something, would come to her mind. Yet there was nothing. And the day had changed. What was previously 5PM Thursday was now 1PM Friday. She felt hopeless, questioning why she couldn’t write. The sound of an incoming call startled her, now her attention was focused on her phone. The caller ID showed her who was calling, Asaka Kaori. Shizuku hesitated for a moment, a bit scared to pick it up, yet she picked it up nevertheless.
“H-Hello?” Shizuku's voice wavered, as if she wasn’t sure she should have answered at all. “Shizuku… Are you not… Are you not visiting anymore?” Anxiety leaked through Kaori’s voice as she asked if Shizuku was not going to visit her again. It’s then that Shizuku realized her mistake. “I want to… But… Uh…” Shizuku clenched her fist, mentally preparing herself. “I can’t do it. The novel, I… I can’t write.” She said honestly, trying her best to not cry but ultimately failing. Kaori was quiet and Shizuku took that as a sign that Kaori was upset with her. “I’m sorry. I… I promised there’d be more to read everyday. And… And you always looked forward to it. But I… I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Shizuku apologized over and over.
It was all her fault. She was the one who promised Kaori that she would bring her new chapters to read everyday, but now she couldn’t keep that promise. The silence that fell between them was suffocating, at least for Shizuku. Then suddenly, “Wait, that’s why you’re not…” Kaori’s voice sounded a bit dumbfounded by Shizuku’s reasoning, but the desperation in her voice weighed heavier. “Shizuku. It’s okay if you haven’t written anything. I still want you to visit. I…” A pause, not too short and not too long. “I don’t want to die before seeing you again.” Kaori’s voice cracked, and Shizuku finally realized how stupid and dumb she truly was.
“I… Sorry. I’m on my way.” She said before ending the call and sprinting out her room and her house. She ran to the hospital, hoping to get there as fast as she could. What was she thinking? Of course not showing would only make Kaori anxious. How did she not see that? It was rather tiring to run all the way from home to the hospital, but if it was for Kaori then anything is worth it. Once she got there, she rushed to Kaori’s room and hurriedly opened the door. “Shizuku…” Kaori’s faint and small voice called out to her, her face covered with fresh tears.
Shizuku surged forward and wrapped her arms around Kaori and when she had pulled her closer, Shizuku felt that Kaori was smaller than ever before. Shizuku apologized for being stupid and breaking their promise, but Kaori just shrugged it off. To her the important part was that Shizuku visits her. Then Kaori buried her face into Shizuku’s shirt as she cried quietly. “Don’t… Don’t leave me.” She pleaded between tears and Shizuku’s response was to hold her closer and tighter. “...I won’t.”
After a while, Kaori had begun to calm down and Shizuku took her seat beside the hospital bed.“Sorry for being a mess. You could probably tell on the phone.” Kaori apologized as she wiped the last tears away from her eyes. “No, I’m glad you’re finally leaning on me. And sorry I didn’t come.” Shizuku apologized again, hoping to convey how sorry she was. Her apology made Kaori cry a little more. “I thought you’d never be back. You had me worried sick.” Kaori said, wiping her tears before giggling. That giggle… It made Shizuku smile, if only a little. “Hey, Shizuku. Let’s talk about something fun.”
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“Soon, I’ll be able to go outside again.”
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“What?”
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Outside? After she was stuck here for so long? But why…?
“That’s what I was told. Get some fresh air, you know? Not healthy to breathe hospital air all day, apparently. That must be why it got worse the other day.” Kaori said with a smile, her tone cheerful. Shizuku stared at Kaori intensely, was it really because of that? It couldn’t just be that reason alone, maybe something else had made Kaori slip unconscious. Shizuku gulped, nervous and concerned.
“Hey, so I was thinking of going to the beach. What about you, Shizuku?”
“Take me wherever you want to go.”
Kaori grabbed Shizuku’s hand, cradling it in her own two hands. “It’ll be a date after a long time.”
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Shizuku knew something was off with Kaori. Her cheerful mood, her smile. It was all painfully forced. But she pretended not to notice. What else could she do about it?