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He sat in the dark room with the only light from a lone candle. It was calming and empty. He would let down his shields and then drown in alcohol. He poured the rye. He needed the pleasure, the gentleness of being out of control. He could never be out of control with Narcissa Malfoy, who wanted him to be a respectable godfather. And he was.
He lets the shields down and feels the experiences of multiple lifetimes. Before Lily, during Lily, after Lily. As he downs his rye, he hears footsteps. He pours another.
“Severus,” Narcissa says, “Why are you drinking? Litha is tomorrow. Is this the role model you say you are??”
He feels more than sees. The day before Litha in Black Manor. The hope that her sister would come back. He conjures another drink.
“Join me?”
The room is pitch black and quiet. Why she was drinking with Severus Snape was beyond her. She’d never drunk in the dark, but there was something about it. It was pleasant and gentle – sweet.
“We’re running out of alcohol,” he drawls.
“Mipsy!” she calls.
“Lady Malfoy will not get any alcohol from me,” Mipsy says, “Lord Malfoy said to not let you get so drunk again.”
Narcissa grabs Severus’s bag. “Fine. Leave. And close the door on your head.”
“There’s no alcohol in there.”
She feels for it. “Then, what is in that bottle?”
“Sauternes.” She hates it when he plays games like this.
“Wine?” She takes it out of the bag, “Then why don’t we drink it?”
“Have you ever thought someone would move the entire Earth just for you?” Severus asks.
Of course. “Yes.”
The dark surrounds him in a pregnant silence. It is just him and her. That pleasant feeling, the one without negativity, is gone. A stark reminder of her. He feels her smile. He feels the only brightness in his life. It was that sweet feeling, where you feel on top of the world because she’ll do anything for you even when you mess it up, and she’s still there for you because it’s you and her against the world, that you don’t know what’s there until it’s gone when you should’ve nurtured it, but you let it burn out because you know you would’ve lost it anyhow because you always mess up, you feel only once.
He pours the Sauterns. It tastes bitter.