Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

My burning flame, object of my desire,

Your passion is like fire, your light cascading onto me. 

Drawn to you like the moon to the sun, like space to the stars. 

You are a living flame, alive and powerful, an eternal blaze, 

something I could never hope to touch.

Lest I burn. 

.˚○ • °

Chapter Text

Ritsu moved in and out of shadow as he walked along the pavement. The sidewalk was littered with sunlight in sporadic patterns, morphing and shifting constantly as the breeze carried the clouds elsewhere into different shapes. The wind continuously tussled Ritsu’s hair, and he reached up to fix it more frequently the closer he got to his destination. 

Shou lived in one of those fancy apartment complexes. While he technically had many living spaces, such as his father’s old manor, he hardly went within a mile of the area. He also had a bunch of hideouts set up all across this town and the next, but he didn’t use those anymore since Claw officially disbanded. 

Shou had settled in an apartment, one he shared with his mother, but Mrs. Suzuki preferred to reside a town over. Ritsu didn’t really know the details as to why, and though he was curious, he didn’t let himself ask Shou about it. In any case, Mrs. Suzuki seemed to spend more time away than in Seasoning City. 

Ritsu hoped she was gone now, as despite how kind she was, he really didn’t need more on his plate. Mrs. Suzuki had this way of appearing to see right through him, and Risu bristled at memories of a sly smile he was familiar with from Shou’s face on hers, grinning at him as though she knew his feelings for her son. 

Luckily, the apartment they owned was ridiculously large – it was one of those complexes where the entire floor was the apartment. So even if Mrs. Suzuki was home, he had plenty of space to work with. 

The complex had an elevator, although it required identification or a fob-key to access, so Ritsu diverted his route to the stairs, hoping the slow traversal would buy him more time to solidify his plan. 

He had concluded two things: his journal couldn’t be carried by Shou 24/7. Meaning it was likely lying somewhere in his room. All Ritsu needed to do was grab it without Shou’s notice. If he could manage that, then he could either play into the confusion when Shou realized it was missing or claim he had taken it and put it in his school’s lost-and-found. Dip into his righteous, responsible side. Which, really, is what he should have done from the beginning.

That was the second thing he concluded; stress made him act foolishly. Had he simply said he needed to return the journal to the school due to his duties as part of the student council, he could have gotten away with acting so defensive when he was caught taking it, and maybe avoided that night entirely. But then again, Shou usually saw right through that sort of self-righteousness Ritsu enacted. He knew that as much as Ritsu was responsible, in front of others he dialed it up to a hundred. It was, in part, an act – Ritsu wouldn’t be so eager to ditch everything on Shou’s whims if he were actually as responsible as people claimed he was. 

But despite that, Ritsu was devoted to his school life to some degree, and he did genuinely care about his position on the student council, his grades, and his peers' perception of him. This left him with plausible believability if he did claim to return the journal. 

His plan was simple. Distract, enact, deny. The distract part would be the hardest, but Ritsu had already covered it. Most days Shou did his schoolwork in the morning, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays he worked in the evening. It was currently five p.m., and it was Thursday, so Shou would be working on his schoolwork now, or just about to wrap it up. Shou usually did his work in the living room or dining room table.

Therefore, his room would be free, which was likely where Ritsu’s journal was located. He just needed an excuse to go there alone. 

Ritsu smiled. Last night's hangout hadn’t been for nothing after all. 

Ritsu finished fixing his hair for the last time and had hardly raised his hand to knock on the door when he heard commotion from within the house. Footsteps thudded closer, and the door swung open. 

“Hey!” Shou smiled ecstatically. There was a warmth in his tone, the energy radiating off him gold and light, and Ritsu suddenly wondered why he had never done this before. “Dude, why didn’t you text me you were coming?”

“I was feeling impulsive,” He shrugged casually. Shou’s eyes grew, laden with awe and some other emotion Ritsu could only guess was pride. 

Shou abruptly turned around and walked away, an action that Ritsu had come to understand as come in. He never really understood it, but he welcomed himself in anyway, toeing off his shoes and shutting the door behind him. Must’ve been an American thing.

He walked into the household to find Shou in the kitchen, pulling out cutting boards, pans, raw vegetables, and other ingredients. He absentmindedly tossed some snacks at Ritsu.

“You can eat some of those if you're hungry. I wanna cook something quick though so don’t scarf down.” 

Ritsu eyed the foreign snacks dubiously before sliding them across the counter. “You’re cooking?”

“Am now.”

Just as Ritsu suspected, Shou’s schoolwork was strewn across the dining room table. He felt a small pang of guilt for disrupting Shou’s work, despite the innumerable times Shou had disrupted his. He noted that if Shou was cooking, it was likely his mother wasn’t home. 

“I've been meaning to make this recipe for a while.” Shou prattled on, “You’re hungry, right?”

It would be polite to decline, but Ritsu was a growing boy, thus. “Yeah, sure. Assuming it’s edible.” 

Ritsu caught a wooden spoon aimed at his head. 

“Oi, have some faith!” Shou boasted, “I’m a fantastic cook! Better than your ass.”

Well, that was true, but Shou’s talents spanned a large range. Once he made pork curry that Ritsu could've sworn was made by a culinary master, prompting Ritsu to believe he’d been possessed by the spirit of some high-rate chef (it had taken Ritsu a great deal of persuasion before Shou convinced him otherwise). Another time he witnessed Shou burn his grilled cheese into a fine char. 

“Are you making that curry again?” Ritsu asked hopefully, pointing the wooden spoon towards Shou. Shou hummed, a pitch meant to be elusive but one Ritsu understood as a no. He sighed, but walked up behind Shou to see what he was making. Shou bustled around excitedly, and only when he had everything pulled out did he notice Ritsu’s presence beside him. 

“No no no,” He said, grabbing Ritsu’s shoulders. He guided Ritsu backwards and into the chair at the table. “You sit here.”

Ritsu scoffed in amusement, but settled into his seat, which provided an excellent view of Shou and the workspace. With everything now in place, Shou released his ESP, his aura attaching itself fluidly to every object of Shou’s recipe and culinary utensils. The items flooded into the air, and then Shou whirled them about suddenly, like a chaotic and dizzying storm. 

It took Ritsu a minute to spot a system to which items went where, vegetables gliding from the cutting board to circle above the pan, utensils Shou had yet to use circling in flashy patterns. Ritsu scoffed – it was all flashy for the sake of appearing chaotic, and by extension, impressive. 

Shou stood in the middle of it all cutting vegetables, blade moving quickly but with an air of expertise. It didn’t occur to Ritsu right away, having grown up with his brother, but suddenly, he recognized how truly impressive the whole ordeal actually was. Shou was doing a fair amount of multitasking, as the items moving about the air didn’t stay in circles but eventually were moved to different stations when needed, undergoing different tasks where required. 

All of that would have been well and fine had Shou been watching over everything, but Shou had his back turned to it all, cutting vegetables, throwing out the inedible bits, and moving through the organized chaos as though it were second nature. A silent orchestrator - the items orbited him to the frequency he set with his knife. It was all so grandiose and full of spectacle, like something akin to a fairy tale. 

Ritsu watched in silent awe. It was times like these he was glad Shou began using his powers again. 

Shou’s aura poked at Ritsu’s, confirming Ritsu’s suspicions. Ritsu leaned away, biting down a smile. Shou’s aura swarmed him again, however ineffectively, as Ritsu pointedly redirected it each time, until Shou sent a glare over his shoulder. 

“Fine, it’s impressive.” Ritsu gave in, and Shou smiled, aura appearing to brighten at the praise. “Show off,” He mumbled, though his tone contained too much fondness to hold any bite.

“If you came here more often, I could show off for you all the time.”

“Like you don’t already.”

“No, I mean-“ Shou scratched the back of his neck in a moment of hesitation. “I could cook for you more.” 

“Right, you just want me to be your guinea pig for new recipes,” Ritsu sniped, hoping his curt tone hid the fact he would definitely, absolutely love that. 

“Ha! Someone needs to be.” Shou exclaimed, tossing his cooking knife into the fray that circled his head and effortlessly catching a small spoon. “But you know, if you ever needed a lunch, a bento or something, I could make something and drop it off at the school for you.” 

“You’d make me one?” Ritsu asked, surprised. He understood Shou giving him food when he was over; that was common host courtesy. But going out of his way to make him lunch? With him in mind?

Shou shrugged, “If you wanted, then yeah.”

The thought made Ritsu’s insides indescribably fuzzy, “Didn’t think you’d be so eager to be a housewife.”

“Househusband, actually.” Shou shot back playfully, but his ears were red. Ritsu watched in contentment as Shou moved deftly throughout the show he’d displayed. The smile he wasn’t aware he had on his face softened. 

The small moment of calm reeled his mind back to the task at hand. He would’ve liked to simply sit in the ebb and flow of their time together, to watch Shou and sit in comfortable silence, but he needed an opportunity to slip away. He came here for a purpose. He shifted, letting his aura spin and whirl, emulating its motion when he was deep in thought. 

“So, why’d you pop by?” 

Ritsu looked up smoothly. There it was. “I’m offended you’d think I was lying to you.”

“Psh, yeah, spontaneous my ass. You’re here for something.” 

“Hm.” Ritsu paused, allowing the silence to stretch thin. “Right. Well, I came to take back some things.” 

“Your shirt? It’s in my room.”

Ritsu smiled. Perfect. “That and my sweater.”

Shou stilled, caught between humor and confusion. Then his eyebrows pinched together, and the objects in motion around him slowed marginally. “I don’t have that,” He said uncertainly. 

Ritsu raised an eyebrow as he stood. “The black one,”

Cogs spun within Shou’s head. “…huh. Oh!” Realization struck Shou across the face, and his aura flickered and warmed the room. “Dude, that was ages ago, I totally forgot I still had that! Hold on, I think it’s in my closet-!” 

The items held afloat settled as Show ran past Ritsu, who froze midstep. He blinked, shocked, and torn between following Shou to his room or waiting for Shou’s return. Shou had intended to send him off on his own to retrieve his shirt. Shou had given him his opportunity. 

His three-part plan shattered abruptly. 

Time ticked on, drawn longer due to the uncertainty of Ritsu’s choice. This had been his excuse- if he fumbled this, there may not be an opportunity to search Shou’s room alone, let alone have another excuse to visit Shou’s house unprompted. Unless he were to leave something here on purpose, yes, that could work-

“I can’t believe you remembered this,” Shou mocked as he came back, holding his shirt and the aforementioned black hoodie like it was some marvel. “What, you missed being thirteen, edgy, and emo? I bet it doesn’t even fit you anymore.”

“It’s still mine,” Ritsu mumbled, snatching the clothing away from Shou. He determinedly ignored the sudden thought that came unprompted – did the hoodie smell like Shou? He sat back down as Shou picked up his cooking from where he left off. 

They spoke casually as Shou began frying vegetables, and just when the area began to smell particularly delectable and Ritsu’s mind felt ready to explode, Shou turned around. “I'm almost done, go ahead and put your stuff in my room and set up the T.V., I’ll be there in a bit.” 

The beat that followed was tranquil before Ritsu’s heart leaped straight up his throat. A second chance. His expression remained stagnant as he stood. “Alright.” Ritsu said, pausing to watch Shou a minute longer. 

He had to refrain from sprinting as soon as he was out of earshot. 

When he reached Shou’s room, he immediately searched it up and down, trying to avoid causing too much disturbance. He checked the closet, the bed, under the bed, the desk, his singular bookshelf full of manga, the game cases around the T.V., around the hamster cage, and even went as far as to unsteadily float to the ceiling for a full bird's eye view. 

Nothing. Ritsu pinched his lips together. Now, if he were Shou, where would he put it? 

He remained floating above the room in thought when he spotted some art supplies littered over Shou’s deck, and he recalled a small memory. 

Shou, an artist, owned a sketchbook, one Ritsu had an insatiable desire to see. He had seen it multiple times from afar, as Shou typically had it lying around. One day he had asked Shou if he could look through it, but Shou brushed off the request, saying something along the lines of ‘An artist never reveals his work until completion. Sorry Ritz.’

(“Is your sketchbook just a collection of unfinished works?” 

“No! It’s an ensemble of masterpieces in development.”

 “...Let me be your editor, then.” 

“It isn’t poetry, idiot. Besides, the only critique an artist needs is their own.”

 “I don't think that's how it works.”)

After that interaction, Shou had gone and hid the sketchbook in a secret compartment in his desk. Ritsu had watched him do so, so he supposed there wasn’t a total lack of trust. He respected Shou’s boundaries and left it at that. 

He descended from the roof to the desk and traced the outline of the hidden compartment, a square hole etched into the underside of the wood. Hesitation made his hands slow, a sense of shame drumming beneath his skin. Yet it was not strong enough to keep his aura from spilling out of his fingertips, working the complex lock into popping open. 

He crouched down and felt around, hoping for a feel of leather and embroidery. Instead, he pulled out Shou’s artbook, a slim black book bound with thick paper.

It wasn’t what he was looking for, but he couldn't deny the intrigue it posed to him. Ritsu briefly considered stealing it for himself, but immediately dismissed the thought. That would be cruel. And though it would satiate his curiosity and desire for justice, it would not help his situation, and only further drive a wedge between him and Shou. 

A peek, then. 

Really, it was only fair and just for all the turmoil Shou had put Ritsu through. Shou had far overstepped his rights in reading Ritsu's journal, so really it was within Ritsu’s right to simply glance. He opened a random page.

In a mixture of scratchy and bold lines Shou had drawn his mother, reading on the sofa. It was eloquent and finely detailed, with soft strokes emboldening her hair which fell over her face and shoulders, and the relaxed disposition of her eyebrows. A serene sense of calm and love emanated deep from within the portrait, to the point Ritsu couldn’t help but wonder if Shou had imbued the page with ESP. How else could such emotion be drawn? Shou did always have an eye for people – but to capture that detail and emotion on paper was nothing short of incredible.

Interestingly, it looked as though Shou dated each sketch, and this one dated about a year back. The amount of skill Shou had surprised Ritsu. He didn’t think Shou drew portraits – of the few drawings he’d sniped from afar he’d only ever seen scenery, inanimate objects, or cartoonish animals.

He was about to flip the page to look at more, but the sounds of footsteps nearing the door made him jolt. He slammed the compartment door shut with the sketchbook, hoping it stayed locked, and spun around as the door swung open. Shou walked in, eyes landing on Ritsu quizzically. Ritsu schooled his expression and shot back the same look; ‘what?’

It seemed that was all the answer Shou needed, because he turned towards the T.V. and set down the bowls of food he was carrying on the floor. 

“Thought I told you to set up the T.V.” He said. It wasn’t a question.

Ritsu cringed. So he had. “Sorry.” 

“All good. You want to play Mob-Kart?”

Ritsu hummed and sat beside Shou. He looked at the bowls Shou had brought in. 

“Stir fry?”

Shou shrugged, handing a controller to Ritsu. “I needed something to use up all the ingredients I got.”

They started up a round to allow their food time to cool. Their fingers mashed across the buttons, shouting and cheering as they tried to sabotage each other. Shou shouted miserably as Ritsu passed him, effectively winning the round. Ritsu smiled, unable to determine if the victory was due to his heightened nerves or despite them. 

“Practice round. I was just warming up,” Shou huffed, shoveling spoonfuls of steaming food into his mouth. 

“Oh, I'm sure.” Ritsu chuckled, pleased. “How long does it take for you to warm up again? Thirteen losses?”

“Oh, shut up! You know that was only because my controller was totally jacked! And that I was having a bad day! And I thought we agreed to never bring it up again!” Shou hissed, his ears red.

Ritsu didn’t try to stop the smug smile creeping onto his face. “I never agreed to that.”

Shou groaned into his hands. “Fine, what can I do to get you to stop mentioning it?” 

Ritsu checked his nails, his words bloated with pride. “Admit I'm better.” 

Shou’s eye twitched, and glee thrummed across Ritsu’s bloodstream. 

Shou eventually sighed in defeat, glancing at Ritsu’s untouched food. He picked up his own bowl. “Whatever man. Eat your food before it gets cold.”

Victorious, Ritsu took a celebratory bite. He’d only just started chewing when his eyes snapped open in horror. 

Heat and fire hit Ritsu’s taste buds like a nuclear explosion, and sweat started to bead the surface of his skin. Forced between swallowing the magma in his mouth or spitting it over the floor, Ritsu held back tears as he finished chewing and swallowed. He began coughing at the scratchy heat eroding his throat.

Shou idly observed his suffering.

“How much chili pepper did you add?!” Ritsu wheezed. It felt as though he were speaking through flames – the heat stung his nose and he pinched his eyelids closed. 

“Prob’s like, six,” Shou recounted through a mouthful of food. His expression and tone were steady, but Ritsu immediately caught the subtle smugness crackling across his aura like lightning.“I bought this huge pack of them, cause you can only buy them in packs of at least a dozen, and I used six in this one meal but I had so many left – I needed to get rid of them all.”

“You had this planned?” Ritsu coughed, which persisted until water lined his eyes. There was no glass of water, no milk – Shou had totally planned this. Six whole chili peppers. He was going to kill Shou. 

“Honestly? No, I didn’t, but it’s what you deserve for bringing up the incident!” 

Ritsu shoved Shou hard, knocking him to the floor. Shou burst into rich laughter, bringing a hand to his mouth, “You should see your face!”

Ritsu was so fed up, his mouth was melting, so truly the only thing he could do was exert some of the pain he felt. He hit Shou while he was down. 

“Stop! Stop!” Laughed Shou, rolling around the floor as best he could to evade Ritsu’s jabs. His arms and legs kicked out to try and put space between them, but Ritsu was relentless, and Shou’s laughter grew delirious the longer Ritsu denied him mercy and as his oxygen grew thin.

“P-lease Ritsu! I c-an’t!” 

Shou sat up abruptly to intake a big gulp of air. The quick movement startled Ritsu, sending him into a coughing spree. It was only after the crackling heat receded out of his throat and to his mouth again did he notice Shou was gone. Shou quickly returned with a glass of milk and a grin so bright Ritsu had to squint to look at him – damn his bright aura.

“My mouth is on fire.” Ritsu hissed. 

Shou’s eyes flitted to his mouth, proceeding to linger there, and an indecisive emotion flopped around Ritsu’s chest. Had his mouth not already been scorched it would have become exceedingly dry. 

“…It’s not actually, idiot.” 

Shou snorted, sharply, the sound odd in a way Ritsu couldn’t place, worth pondering had he not been dying of thirst. 

“Yeah yeah,” Shou said, offering the milk. Ritsu attempted to snatch it, but Shou batted away his hands. “Dude, you’re completely red, let me-”

Ritsu couldn’t help his quick succession of blinks as Shou brought the glass of milk to his lips. Startled, he leaned back slightly, but the glass followed him until it hovered right over his mouth. 

“Tell me ‘when’.” Shou grinned, his pigmented face betraying his own spice tolerance. If Ritsu weren’t in need of every last drop, he might have offered Shou a sip. As it were, he was left without protest to Shou’s whims, accepting his fate when the cool glass touched his lips. 

Cold milk hit his tongue, though it was hardly a sensation Ritsu could focus on, not with trying to control the amount of it entering his mouth and the tension he felt under Shou’s intense gaze. 

After he'd successfully taken a sip, Ritsu caught Shou's eyes. He felt his heart stutter, and he suddenly questioned why he was going along with this. He promptly took control of the glass and shook Shou off of him.

“…and you did that, why?” Ritsu asked irritably, holding Shou at arm’s length. He finished the rest of the drink off, the cool liquid snuffing out most of the burning sensation on his tongue. He wiped his chin and sighed in relief.

“Cause you’re a big baby that can't handle any spice whatsoever. You were all red and sweaty, you’d probably drop and shatter the glass all over my floor, and then keel over, and then where would I be without my sweet Ritsu?” Shou teased, hands cradling his own face, “You should thank me, you know.”

“Says the one who almost melted my mouth off!” Ritsu hissed, and Shou needed to look less smug and more remorseful. There was a brief moment when sheepishness crossed Shou’s features, though it was hardly enough to quell Ritsu’s desire for vengeance, and it had long since disappeared by the time Shou replied. 

“Danger finds us, I rescue us from it. That’s how it goes.” 

“More like you start trouble and drag me into it.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love it!” 

Damn it, he did. Ritsu loved the trouble and the petty crimes Shou dragged them into. 

In truth, their outings (besides their fights) were more for Ritsu’s benefit than for Shou’s. He was the one in constant need of an outlet, and it turned out committing small, insignificant crimes and petty offenses suited him rather nicely. Shou committed minor crimes for harmless enjoyment. The fact they hung out constantly to commit said offenses could be dismissed as Shou’s overwhelming enthusiasm and need for an accomplice, but Ritsu knew Shou planned thrilling outings solely for Ritsu.

In the end, Shou never needed to press Ritsu’s buttons or persuade him into accepting his proposals, because Ritsu was always eager to do anything and everything Shou suggested before the words ever left Shou’s lips. 

But that fact was never acknowledged, and Ritsu didn’t feel brave enough to mention it. “Don’t put us on the same level.”

“We are on the same level. You put my life in danger all the time!” Shou said, looking strangely charmed at the idea of Ritsu causing him harm.

“Yeah, only after I’m placed in the situation. I never do so initially.” Ritsu huffed. Shou’s lips tilted upwards.

“But,” Shou uttered, his aura ablaze, “Once welcomed, you always make the first move.”  

There was a subtle intensity to Shou’s gaze, an attentiveness that had bells ringing in Ritsu’s mind. The surrounding air dropped in temperature. 

There was a hidden message in Shou’s words. Ritsu frantically turned the sentence over in his head. What was he trying to communicate? Ritsu observed Shou’s aura for clues, yet he came up blank, and Shou didn’t reveal anything more about the matter. 

“Anyway, any news about your crush?”

Good grief. Ritsu rolled his eyes and tossed Shou his controller. “Nice try. What was that about a practice round?” 

Shou accepted the controller, but he still poked at Ritsu, “If you can’t tell me who, at least tell me you’re planning to confess to them.”

Ritsu responded by starting the next round. The games flew by, the losses stacking upon Ritsu as his mind scrambled to understand the ending of their conversation. Shou’s comments didn’t help. 

(“What if you wrote them a love letter? You have plenty of examples to pull from, it’s perfect!”

“Invite them behind the school so you can confess in the most cliché way possible. I’m sure they’ll love that.”

“I doubt they’d reject you Ritz, how could they? They’d be stupid to! You got nothing to lose.”)

Ritsu’s jaw tightened at that last comment. 

In the end, he didn't figure out what Shou had meant. He left for home shortly after, more confused than ever, and rather bitter over the fact the day's objective had also been a failure. He had not found his journal, though at least that meant he didn’t have to co-read it. 

It was frustrating, being left clueless and empty-handed. Ritse’s aura tremored across his form, and the nearby street lamp flickered. He sighed. His mouth was slightly numb, void of the burning he had felt prior. His nose was still slightly runny, however, so he brought up his old hoodie to wipe at his nose.

(It did in fact smell like Shou.)

ꕀ

Time continued to march forward, even as Ritsu’s world spiraled. 

He’d gone over to Shou’s multiple times now with countless excuses. He’d even gone as far as to break in when Shou was gone, but for all his scheming and searching he continued to come up empty-handed. He’d have assumed the journal just disappeared, but at one point Shou brought it out of seemingly nowhere to read to him, which had been so mortifying Ritsu avoided Shou for days afterwards.

In that time, he considered making fake replicas, or causing a situational accident to destroy the journal on sight, and Ritsu even debated hiring someone or some spirit to steal it off Shou. But all of those possibilities promptly burned and died under the realization that he needed to know where Shou kept the journal, or else Ritsu would need to create a situation to entice Shou to pull out the journal to read, which, absolutely not. Shou didn’t even mention its existence after the last incident, leaving Ritsu at a loss for how to proceed. 

So Ritsu delved into homework and studying, took on more work from the student council, anything to take his mind off his worst stressor. He’d even resorted to carrying around a stress-spoon in his pocket, something he hadn't done since he was thirteen.

Studying was effective, and something he was especially proficient at. Which was why when he was walking home, running over his to-do list in his mind, he was caught off guard when he received a call. 

His phone vibrated incessantly, and he pulled it out to see Shou’s name lit up across the screen. Before his brain could caution him, he was already answering the call out of habit. 

“Hey,” He picked up casually, relieved that routine had provided him an escape from trying to sound normal. 

“Hey! I was just about to head downtown to get some food. Wanna join? We can go to that coffee shop you like to study at, my treat.”

Ritsu felt an acute sense of dread at the prospect of meeting up. Shou held so much power over him at this point in time. With both the journal and his knowledge of Ritsu’s crush, it was hard to want to place himself back into the newly shifted dynamic. Especially if it could lead to more opportunities for Shou to pry for information. Ritsu was attempting to avoid stress, not place himself in its direct path.

But… the offer was tempting. Shou’s enthusiasm was as light and warm as a spring breeze. And Ritsu had never been that strong when it came to Shou, anyway. 

“Yeah sure, I’ll be there,” He eventually replied, and he could hear Shou’s grin through the line. 

Besides, he reasoned, everything needs to appear fine between us.

“Great! I’ll see you in fifteen?” 

“Yeah, I’m about ten minutes away.”

“See you then!” The line went dead, and Ritsu took a deep breath. He got this. 

He made his way through town, eventually breaching a park that acted as a shortcut to the cafe. 

The sun began to peek out from behind the clouds, lighting up the grass and foliage along the path, and a step later Shou was beside him. His wind-swept hair and earnest smile looked at home in the shining sun, and Ritsu took a moment to appreciate the day and the sights it had gifted him.

“Hey!”

“Hey,” 

“How was today?” Shou asked, which instigated a long-winded rant session from Ritsu about the workload he had. Shou nodded along, matching the gait of his walk with unburdened ease. The spring in Shou’s step contrasted the rigid monotonous step of Ritsu’s, but they still synced together perfectly like clockwork.

Shou’s expression warped into disgust the further Ritsu described his situation. “They’re seriously putting you through all that? You’d think the student council would know how to manage the work fairly, not dump it on you.”

Gulit ticked Ritsu’s throat – he hadn’t intended to make it sound as though the student council had tied him down with an absurd workload. But Shou would suspect something if he revealed he purposely took it all on, so he pressed onward. 

“The others have their own share of tasks. There’s a lot to do lately, and I don't mind. The extra work just means they respect me enough to finish it in time and in good quality.” 

“So you're saying it’s your fault for taking on all this work; you’re letting them use you as a doormat cause they think you’re pleasant and agreeable and want to do it all. Used your fake school-smile on them, didn’t you?” Shou teased. It scared Ritsu just how closely Shou’s taunt allotted to the truth. 

“I am pleasant.” Ritsu deadpanned, and Shou snorted. 

“Something a little beyond pleasant, I think.” Shou murmured humorously, and the space between Ritsu’s eyebrows lessened. 

“What does that mean?” He asked cynically. Shou’s aura prickled mischievously as his blue eyes tracked along Ritsu’s facial features.

“You’re just something special!” Shou exclaimed, throwing an arm over Ritsu’s shoulders. Warmth radiated from his core, aura tangling with Ritsu’s, intimately familiar but startling all the same.

Despite being intended as a jab, Shou’s energy was gentle and radiant, shining bright over Ritsu’s swell of emotions, bathing them. Like a sunflower that turns toward the sun, so too did Ritsu feel an inner pull that pointed toward Shou. He drank up the attention, gulping it down greedily while simultaneously muttering back some irritated rebuttal to blanket his blooming adoration. 

Shou always made him feel special, in no small part due to the number of times he flat out said it. But even just being with Shou, Ritsu felt special. Privy to something no one else had the privilege to.

He was, wasn’t he? Shou didn’t sling an arm over anyone else’s shoulders, or bound up next to them like an energized puppy. Shou didn’t invite anyone else out on late night escapes, or hang off anyone else's words like they held actual weight.

As far as Ritsu knew, he’d only done all that with him. Smugness bloomed in his ribcage like vines. But with the swell of emotions came unease, vines caging his lungs in an uncomfortable hold. He was creeping too close to something he was not allowed to have. He knocked off Shou’s arm. 

By the time they reached the cafe, their conversation halted as they viewed their options. They had just placed their orders (mocha with extra whip cream for Ritsu, iced chai latte and sandwich for Shou), when Ritsu turned to Shou.

“You’re paying.”

“Seriously? What gave you that idea?” Shou whined, though his wallet was already in his hands.

“The fact that you offered over the phone.” 

“I did not!”

“You said ‘my treat.’”

Shou swore under his breath as he handed money to the cashier. “Damn, I forget you have a massive head.”

Ritsu bit back a smile and idly observed the cafe as Shou received his change. 

“So I insinuated,” Shou picked up the conversation as they headed to a far booth by the window. “If you were a real friend you wouldn’t pick up on that.”

“My treat is not an insinuation.”

“It so is! ”

“An insinuation means you’re alluding to something. My treat is not an alluding statement, it's a promise. It’s about on par as saying ‘on me.’”

“‘On me’ means ‘I’ll pay.’ ‘My treat’ means ‘there’s good things to come if you join me.’ It’s totally different.

Ritsu knew Shou was just doubling down for the sake of arguing, but he took the bait anyway and proceeded to bicker as their drinks were brewed. 

Somewhere between Shou’s rant about how the textbook definition of a word meant nothing in the modern day, a couple entered the cafe. Similar to Ritsu and Shou, they appeared to have come straight from school, still dressed in their uniforms and holding hands casually. Ritsu subtly flexed the muscles in his hand, then crossed his arms and looked away. Their drinks were called, and as per usual Shou bounded up to grab them. His blue eyes caught on the couple as they finished ordering. 

Shou’s intense gaze followed the couple to their seats, never wavering. 

“Damn,” Shou stated as he sat down, and Ritsu couldn’t help but tense as he sensed the direction of the conversation. “Must be nice to be on a date.” 

Before Ritsu could reply, Shou snapped his head towards him, a gleam in his eyes. “Bet you wish you were on one right now.” 

Ritsu tried and failed to conceal the flush overtaking his face, because he would say no, but he knew Shou. Denial would practically be admittance to saying he’d rather be here with Shou, and. Well. That thought brought up the fact that the outing he and Shou were on was painfully similar to that of the couple’s date. 

(Thinking along those embarrassing lines, had he seemed too eager when accepting Shou’s invitation to go out?)

Shou read the flush on his face and smiled smugly, ‘knew it.’ He took a sip of his drink and glanced over at the loving couple. “They’re from Salt High. Do you think that girl is the owner of the diary?” He mused around his straw. 

Ritsu cooled his aura before it could react. Stupidly, he asked, "Do you have it?” 

Shou made a disappointed noise. “No, ‘should have brought it though. Could help solve the mystery of if they are the two love birds written in it,” 

Shou’s aura suddenly sparked, and Ritsu fought a shudder of anxiety. “Welp!” Shou exclaimed, “Nothing we can do about it now! We have other pressing issues to discuss!”

Ritsu could not have felt more relieved. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah! Like your mysterious crush!” 

The world hated him. The world hated him and prayed for his downfall. 

“Right. My nonexistent crush, you mean,”

“Oh, it’s real alright!”

It was definitely time to steer the conversation around. Unfortunately, that meant Ritsu had to choose the lesser of two evils, lest Shou see through his diversion. “Whatever. I still think you shouldn’t have that j-diary. It belongs to someone at my school, so it should be returned to them. I need to take it to the lost and found.” For good measure, he tacked on, “And I don’t have a crush.”

“One or the other, Ritsu, you remember the deal! Tell me about your crush, and I bid the diary farewell!”

It took Ritsu longer than he’d admit to recall what ‘deal’ he’d made with Shou. 

‘“But how about this - you tell me who you like, and I’ll put this back where I found it. If you don’t, I’ll read it. It’s not like it’s really causing harm to you anyway –  I’ve already read the first few pages. It’s just some chick going off about a guy she’s into.”’

It was a stupid agreement Ritsu had never explicitly agreed to, but he could hardly refute it now, not so late in this game Shou had strung. It would appear way too suspicious. 

Ritsu's train of thought slowed, halted, ran back. Hold on. Something was off. Shou’s logic wasn’t sound. 

Why was it one or the other? Either Shou read his journal, or Ritsu confessed his crush. If Ritsu were to tell Shou about his crush, then Shou would give the journal back to the school. But if Ritsu didn’t, Shou would just continue to read the journal, which would be torturous for Ritsu, but Shou didn’t know it was his. 

So what did he gain from reading it? 

“Why do you hold onto that diary, anyway?”

It was fair to ask. Shou was using it as leverage, as blackmail. But unless he knew the journal's significance, he shouldn’t know to use it as such. It couldn’t just have been out of amusement, could it? Shou must’ve noticed how uncomfortable reading the journal had made Ritsu. 

Did Shou find entertainment in Ritsu’s righteousness? That attribute that respected his peers and their right to privacy? Did Shou really regard Ritsu’s moral compass so highly, thus wanting to tear it down a little? If that was the case, Ritsu had reason to play into it, but like before, he’d have thought Shou would see through that mask. 

Shou pursed his lips and swirled his drink with his straw. Ritsu narrowed his eyes. 

So there was a reason, then.

“‘Cause.” Shou said. 

“‘Cause?’” Ritsu asked incredulously. 

“Yup.” 

Ritsu was going to kill him. “Seriously?” He tried again.

“Mm-hm.”

Anger fizzled and boiled in the lining of his throat, but Ritsu denied himself the privilege to ask further in fear of appearing too eager. Why couldn’t Shou just give him a straight answer? Would it kill him to be honest?

“Anyway, I didn’t bring it today, which means I'm switching tactics! Gotta keep our hang-outs entertaining!”

They already were entertaining before this, but Ritsu just scowled. 

“I don’t like anyone.” He said bluntly. 

“Is it anyone I know?” 

Ritsu wondered if he could deflect his way out. If he kept denying having a crush, eventually Shou would knock it off. But everyone knew denying something vigorously was the closest thing to admittance besides, well, admittance, and it wouldn’t be unlike Shou to pick up on his deflection and lies and immediately find the heart of the issue.  

But he was taking up too much time thinking about it, so he quickly replied, “No. Cause there isn’t anyone.”

“What about that one photo chick! Didn't you guys go out a couple times?” Shou went on as if he hadn’t heard Ritsu speak. 

Ritsu made a face of disgust. “Only to talk about my brother.”

Shou smiled, intrigued, but veiled thinly beneath lied a mischief Ritsu instantly picked up on. “You have something in common, then!” 

Ritsu sneered and rolled his eyes. Shou took a bite of his sandwich, humming in thought. 

“Well what about that girl your brother liked? She was hot! Is it her?”

Ritsu opened his mouth in protest, but Shou interrupted him. 

“No wonder you’d never talk about it, your brother would flip.” Shou smarmed around his food.

Ritsu felt his demeanor darken. He didn’t know whether he felt offended that Shou would assume Shigeo would be upset, or that Tsubome was his type, or that he would blatantly go behind his brother like that – or rather conform, as Shou put it, in not telling his brother.

“No.” 

“Ok, then how about that mind reader guy? Mono?” 

“Momozou Takenaka. And no, he’s cool, but we’re only acquaintances.”

“Awwww, acquaintances~!” Shou cooed, his hold on his sandwich loose as he used his other hand to cup his cheek.

Ristu sighed and sipped his drink. He hardly had to try to appear disinterested; this conversation as a whole was a cause for his battery to drain. They’d never really talked about stuff like this, and even if Ritsu wasn’t walking on eggshells, he’d still find it draining. 

(But maybe that was a him issue, for the only person of much interest to him was the boy sitting across the table.)

“Who else do you talk to at school?”

“The teachers, the student council president, other members in the student council. No one else of importance.”

Shou hummed to himself. A brief silence fell over the booth, and Ritsu absentmindedly picked at his napkin. 

Then Shou smirked, “I knew it.”

Ritsu’s mind pinwheeled, because what. WHAT?! ‘What does he think he knows? What does he know? What the hell did he manage to glean from that conversation?’ The light in Shou’s eyes danced, self-satisfied and smug and Ritsu wanted to cut the smile from his face and surgically dissect his brain for answers. He couldn't, though, and Ritsu’s mouth dried as he tried to articulate how to reply.

Shou appeared as though he knew exactly what Ritsu was thinking, his expression bleeding into that specific stare he always donned when he wanted Ritsu to squirm. 

Does he think I like Takenaka? Or did… Did he figure out about my crush on him? How?! Is it because I didn’t list him as someone I talk to? Did my avoidance of mentioning him backfire?

Ritsu attempted to narrow his eyes. “What?”

“You’re an antisocial loser.”

Shou’s drink suddenly gushed up with the force of a fountain and drenched his face and front. 

Shou coughed and swore colorfully. “You ASS!”

Ritsu smiled behind his drink. It was a hot beverage, but in case Shou felt extra idiotic today he set a protective barrier around it anyway. He felt Shou’s aura swath around his drink, but eventually it subsided, allowing Ritsu to breathe easy.

A hot breeze drafted up under Ritsu’s uniform jacket and shirt, unnatural and unnerving and a trick that infuriated Ritsu endlessly. His arms erupted in goosebumps, heart catching in his throat. Shou grinned at him smugly. Shou flicked a finger and one of the ice cubes from his spilled drink flew and hit Ritsu square on the forehead. 

All right then. 

Blue aura reached out for Shou’s drink once more, but found it shielded. Ritsu quickly diverted back to his own mug, only to find that protected as well, orange and pink covering the expanse of the table. 

Forgoing ESP entirely, Ritsu stood up and turned around to the booth behind him, grabbing a leftover plate that had yet to be cleaned up. More importantly, the plate held a leftover half-eaten sandwich and crumbs, which Ritsu immediately sent hurtling to Shou’s face. 

The majority hit Shou before he managed to redirect it back onto Ritsu, shooting into his hair and face like tiny pinpricks. After his attack, Shou ceased use of his barriers. 

As Ritsu rubbed at his eyes and Shou laughed and asked if he was good, Ritsu’s ESP reached under the coffee table. It wasn’t hard to find what he was looking for. 

“What are you- EW! Ew!” Shou gagged as Ritsu brought up and slowly inched the multiple globs of chewed gum towards Shou menacingly. Shou’s ESP picked up the crumbling pieces of leftover sandwich and cast them in the air defensively. Ritsu’s wrist jerked sharply and Shou’s chest slammed into the table.

“Ha! Alright I get it- NO! Not in my hair! Not my hair! Truce! Truce!” Shou cried, still laughing, “Gross dude!”

Ritsu released Shou and cast the gum into the garbage can across the cafe. He sat back down with a huff. “You started it, idiot.”

“Wha- No I did not! You spilled my drink!”

Ritsu froze. “No, you started it when you called me a pathetic nerd.” He said, doubling down.  

“That’s not what I said! What, did I insinuate that too?” Shou scoffed playfully. “That’s totally not what I did and totally not how it works-”

“Yes it is. You started it.” Ritsu crossed his arms, and Shou bit back a smile. He snickered and ran his hands through his hair, assessing the damage on his clothes and person. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night. Imma go run and grab some napkins. Jeez,” Shou muttered, pinching the front of his shirt and wagging it to dry. 

Ritsu diverted his longing gaze from Shou’s receding form to fuss over the mess they’d made over the table and the crumbs that had landed in his lap. Shou soon bounded back with a handful of napkins, already working hard wiping the drink on his shirt. Ritsu smiled and pointed to his own face, indicating a smear of mustard on Shou’s.

“You definitely do know what insinuation means, you just have a weird aversion to using it accurately.” Ritsu said humorously, watching Shou aggressively wipe the food off his face. 

“How’s this for an insinuation?” Shou said casually, meeting Ritsu’s eyes and mouthing the words ‘kill yourself.’

Ritsu's jaw fell open, affronted. “You-! That’s not-! Shou!” He scolded, desperately trying to tamper down his growing smile. Shou returned a sly grin, and Ritsu turned to look out the window in mock offense. He kicked Shou from under the table. 

“First you drench me in my own drink, then you start hitting me? You must hate me.” Shou wiped away a fake tear.

Ritsu turned back to him with his chin in his hand. “A moderate amount.” 

Shou hummed in response, his aura gleaming warmly. Shou leaned across the table and into Ritsu’s space, and all of Ritsu’s humor froze. One of Shou’s hands held Ritsu’s face, and in the other he held a clean napkin to wipe something off the side of Ritsu’s face. He moved the napkin to Ritsu’s cheekbone, then paused.

Shou’s hand was warm against Ritsu’s jaw, rough and calloused but otherwise gentle. Ritsu struggled to draw breath. Shou’s eyes lingered over his face, and blood ran to Ritsu’s cheeks. He pressed a hand to Shou’s shoulder as a warning.

“What?”

Shou’s stare didn’t waver, “Just checking.” 

Ritsu relaxed a bit in understanding. Shou guided Ritsu’s face left and right, eyes sweeping the surface of his skin. He didn’t appear to find anything, but still he held Ritsu in place. Ritsu’s gaze flitted to the wall. An acute sense of Deja vu hit him then, reminding him of the stir fry and milk incident. Except this time they were in public.

Did Shou understand what he was doing? How this appeared? How his actions were tiptoeing towards romantic gestures?

Satisfied, Shou dropped his hold on Ritsu and went back to wiping the table.

Ritsu blinked. No. He didn’t. Shou has always been this unaware. Even if he knew how he appeared, he wouldn’t care, he always did as he wished, and he paid no mind to the opinions of the public or others.

So of course he wouldn’t mind making small and intimate gestures. Ritsu had never given him a reason to stop, for it had never been an issue before. 

But now it was an issue. Ritsu swallowed back the shame that had flooded his stomach. Now he had unnecessary emotions anchoring him down, casting him into spirals of thought of ‘what ifs’ and lingering on the gestures Shou had enacted with pure intentions. 

Ritsu would always sit at this stalemate with Shou. Their relationship bordered on romantic, but remained just casual enough to play off as platonic. How cruel that Ritsu’s own feelings would turn Shou’s actions to poison, that his feelings would rise and swell with every interaction, until it threatened to swallow him whole.

They finished cleaning up what they could with napkins and headed out. The weather had remained largely the same, and the clouds cast shadows most of the city, but Ritsu could see buildings in the distance lit up by sunlight. They walked in tandem, until Shou eventually threw an arm over Ritsu’s shoulders. 

There was an energy to Shou’s touch, something both comforting and exciting. It entangled with Ritsu’s reserve of feelings, and Ritsu wondered if in allowing it to linger it would broil over and overtake him. He wanted his emotions to overtake him. These intimate gestures Shou shared simply felt natural in a way he couldn’t quite describe.

Ritsu was a creature of greed. He selfishly wanted more than what Shou was giving. He shouldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t. It was the fact that he did want more that tainted what they had. He was skewing Shou’s gestures to fit his narrative of appearing as a couple, or the idea that Shou liked him too, and he was wrong to do so. So Ritsu pulled away, and Shou’s arm slid off his shoulders. 

As Shou’s weight left him, a creeping feeling of unease rolled underneath Ritsu’s skin. His shoulders and nape felt unnatural and exposed, as though he were unintentionally displaying some vulnerability for the world to see. He turned to Shou, expecting to see him far off, distant, but Shou was beside him, as he always was. 

Ritsu quickly turned forward to assess the feeling, running his thumb across the rigid handle of the spoon in his pocket. He didn’t know why shoving Shou away was different this time. Maybe he was thinking about it too much. But suddenly he missed the warmth, the closeness. 

He wondered if Shou felt unnatural too. 

“So,” Shou prompted, and Ritsu could immediately tell Shou was playing with fire. “You won’t tell me your crush. Fine. At least give me the solace of knowing you’ll confess to them soon so I won’t have to see you every day and sit and wait in suspense.”

Shou could hang in suspense, for all Ritsu cared. “Shou.”

“What, the boy who gets a heartfelt confession on a bi-weekly basis scared of confessing?”

Ritsu knew what Shou was doing, yet he couldn’t stop the words from rushing out of his mouth, “I’m not scared.” 

Shou grinned manically. “Sure seems that way. You won't tell me, you’re closest confidant, and you won't confess? That’s coward behaviour.”

“Maybe because I have nothing to confess!” Ritsu shot back. He really didn’t know why he was engaging with Shou, but he was so accustomed to bickering with him that he felt he needed to provide some form of argument. 

“Would you ever consider confessing to your crush?” Shou teased, blatantly ignoring Ritsu’s counterpoint. “Even if they never said anything?”

Never in a million years, Ritsu's mind supplied. But, Ritsu realized, he’d only ever liked Shou. What if he didn’t?

If he liked someone other than Shou…? He could hardly picture it. Everything since the age of thirteen felt like it was melted down and bent around Shou’s existence. Other than school and familial matters, Shou was the only one who occupied space in his mind, and one of the only people he could stand hanging out with for twenty-four hours straight.

Shou was his closest friend and companion. It was no wonder Ritsu had fallen for him as he did. But that’s what made confessing impossible – their status quo would change. Ritsu’s life would be thrown into disarray, and he’d lose not only a potential partner but his closest friend.

But if he liked someone else? He supposed he would not be plagued by such worries. If he were rejected, it would become awkward, sure, but there would be no real damage done other than a short blow to his pride. 

Confessing may even be freeing, in that way. 

“I would.” Ritsu concluded.

Shou was in the midst of opening his mouth in response before the answer registered. “You would?”

“If I liked someone, I would.”

Shou’s expressions changed to something Ritsu could not quite identify. It was as though Ritsu had just spoken gibberish, but Shou eventually nodded. 

They continued walking like that, not saying much of anything, until they came to a fork where they usually split ways.

“Alright, I’ll see you later Shou.” Ritsu smiled, giving him a little parting wave.

Shou grabbed his arm in a matter of seconds, preventing his departure.

“Hey, Ritsu,” He said, and it only took those words for Ritsu’s attention to turn on him in full. It was not terror that ran through him - Shou’s tone wasn’t tense enough for that - but Shou was hesitant in a way that put Ritsu on edge. 

“Do you know that I-” Shou stopped himself, his frown breaking his eye contact. He gathered himself and firmly turned back to Ritsu. “You know I think you’re amazing.”

The air was punched out of Ritsu’s lungs, so he just nodded. 

“You… uh, there isn’t anyone else…  um,” Shou’s speech was halted as he struggled to find the words. “If there was anyone else, you’d… would you-?” 

Shou hardly ever struggled in finding what to say, blunt as he was. However, now it looked like he was at a crossroads, unable to determine what to say or how to say it. And Ritsu… was not accustomed to this side of Shou. It must have been evident on his face, because Shou backed away and plastered on a smile. 

“Hah! Never mind!” He said cheerfully, leaving Ritsu to fumble from the whiplash. “I’ll ask you another time! Thanks for hanging around today! See ya!” 

Shou gestured goodbye with his typical three-fingered wave and left. Ritsu stood there, dumbfounded and attempting to process what had just happened. 

What did Shou want to ask?

ꕀ

Ultimately, Ritsu was glad he’d gone out with Shou. His mind kept replaying the moment Shou shifted closer and held his jaw. The feelings of excitement were muddied by the added comprehension he felt by Shou’s touch and gesture. It was incredibly confusing, especially with the way Shou had acted before he left. 

If it were any other day, he’d head straight to his desk and pull out his… Shou journal. The description felt stupid, despite how accurate it was. But he would – he’d go and write about the day, about his feelings, about Shou. Ritsu's mind was already working out sentences to place in ink. 

Except he didn’t have the journal. It hadn’t occurred to Ritsu until then, but with its absence he’d lost another outlet. 

Hell, he shouldn’t even want to write in it, not after Shou had read it! But he did. Ritsu wanted to write. He wanted to get the emotions he felt locked down onto paper so he could be rid of them. 

What he had with Shou meant everything to him. He couldn’t lose this – never had a relationship felt so vibrant or ethereal. Everything around Shou was exciting and new in a way Ritsu hadn’t ever felt. Ritsu had thought himself content after getting his powers and reconciling with his brother, but then Shou entered his life, and nothing had been the same since.  

Shou was electric and strong and everything Ritsu was not. They were opposites, yet deep down they shared a similar understanding, fitting together perfectly. Their relationship was one built on mutual respect and the uniqueness that came from being espers. It was special, because it was Ritsu and Shou.  

But, was it really?

Ritsu thought back to the way Shou had brushed crumbs off his face. He thought of the way Shou always hooked an arm over his shoulders. It was such a perceived closeness, an act of deep affection, one Ritsu desired to write about, yet somehow it was only skin deep. 

Shou never meant any of those things in a close manner. All his actions were normal to him – he could mock the sappy actions of a couple and in the same breath enact the same with Ritsu and think nothing of it. Or if Ritsu mentioned that their friendship was unique, or how being espers made them abnormal, Shou would shake his head and downplay Ritsu’s claim. 

The more Ritsu dwelled on it, the more it confirmed something Ritsu had suspected for a while now – that being Shou didn’t view their relationship the way he did. Ritsu wasn’t as special to Shou as Shou was to Ritsu. Shou had this way of talking to Ritsu that made him believe he was special, that their friendship was one to be written and immortalized for the rest of time. And though Shou did have a habit of showering him in praise, it wasn’t out of recognition for their relationship or anything deeper, Ritsu realized, it was just who Shou was. 

Shou would do the same to any close friend, if he chose. Here he had Ritsu looking at their relationship through rose-tinted glasses, as if their bond was something forged by the meeting of the sun and moon, beautiful and sturdy, unbreakable, yet Shou himself was undeterred and unaffected. Everything they did, everything they were, or rather, what Ritsu thought them to be, was normal to Shou. 

Internally, Ritsu feared he’d always known. Ever since that night they had shared, when the topic of their outings had come up. 

.˚○ • °

The night was chill, and Ritsu paned his gaze over the yellow lights of the city. He nestled further into his black hoodie, subconsciously rubbing his hand over his arm. A low ache buried in his skin caused Ritsu to roll up his sleeve and view the purple and blue splotches over it, akin to the splatter of paint Shou was drawing on the wall’s surface. 

“Bruise bugging you?” 

Ritsu looked up and met Shou’s eyes, who was looking over his shoulder. Shou’s voice came out a bit muffled due to the mask he wore. Ritsu shrugged and pulled his sleeve back down. He picked up a can and inspected it. 

“Not really. I just don’t know how I'm gonna hide this in fitness tomorrow.”

“Why’d you need to hide it? They’re not gonna judge you.” Shou turned and continued painting. Accompanying the hiss of the can came the dense smell of the paint, and Ritsu really wished Shou had brought an extra mask for him. 

“I'm the student vice president, Shou. They’re definitely gonna judge, I got half the school population breathing down my neck. Most students don't get into fights.” Ritsu chided. He began shaking the paint can, enjoying the clicky sound it made. “...Except delinquents,” He added apprehensively.

“‘Delinquent Kageyama,’ sounds about right,” Shou snickered. “But we spar. ‘S totally different.”

“Yeah, normal for people who fight for a living. We aren’t wrestlers, Shou.” 

They were something different. Where most kids their age fought out of rage and insecurity, he and Shou fought because it fueled their spirit. Even if it wasn't an outlet they both needed, Ritsu was certain they’d still battle just because they could. Fighting poured out of them like breathing, natural and enthralling and undeniably beautiful in a way that couldn’t be captured through words. Who could understand that? Fighting to improve their abilities was only a side effect. They were different. What they did, their relationship, everything they were.

“Duh, obviously, we’re espers.”

“That’s even more unnatural!”  

“Eh, not really.”

Ritsu sighed in frustration, because Shou wasn’t exactly wrong. Esper’s don’t seem to be all that unnatural anymore, especially after everything that had happened with Claw and his brother. Still, something twisted in him, and he wanted Shou to understand that wasn’t what he meant. 

“Well, doing this is weird. Committing crime isn’t normal.” Ritsu gestured to Shou and his canvas, though Shou was still preoccupied with setting down his base layer and thus didn't notice. 

Ritsu had already seen the draft for what Shou was working on. It would soon become a Chinese-inspired dragon, long and light and twisting. The sketch already looked great on paper, and Ritsu could already sense that the painting would be even grander. Ritsu took a moment to dwell on the absurdity of it all. How Shou’s art could even be considered criminal was ridiculous. 

“Sure it is!” Shou turned and motioned to another rooftop where multiple graffiti artworks had also been applied. Ritsu scowled.

“Well, yeah there’s a lot of criminals, but they aren’t really the norm, I'm afraid.”

“You're only a criminal if you get caught,” Shou held out the can in offering - ‘wanna try?’ Ritsu shook his head. Shou turned and grabbed a new can. They lapsed into silence, listening to the hiss of the paint, the music playing from Shou’s phone, and the city that surrounded them. Ritsu handed Shou different paint cans, watching him work his magic on the wall. 

It was very rare Ritsu ever got to witness Shou’s artwork. Much less Shou in the act of painting or drawing. From where Ritsu sat on the roof’s edge he could just make out the sturdy line of his brow, lost in planning and color and feeling and whatever else artists thought about. His static calm was almost off-putting.

Shou was like fire. Passionate and bright, all-consuming. In his excitement and tenacity Ritsu was nothing more than kindling, burning alive in his admiration. Everything Shou did was done with a sense of purpose Ritsu could only dream of having. He was strong-willed, but he wasn’t Shou. He wasn’t free of mind, hardly burned half as bright as Shou did. It was scathing to be this close to a flame so bright, but Ritsu would walk towards it again and again, even if it was to be his own undoing. Shou was a fire he could never really touch, not really.

Shou had been so excited on the way there. His aura was electric, glinting off sparks when they had discussed their plans and neared their destination. Ritsu shared some of his excitement, reveled in the warmth Shou radiated. Now Shou’s aura had relaxed some, though still it remained heated and passionate. It was like looking into the embers of a fire – slow and mesmerizing, yet scathing hot. Ritsu found himself watching it ebb warm colors, lost in thought.

Shou moved like a summer breeze, smooth and steady with every trace of his arm. His shadow cast by their flashlight blacked out areas of the wall and the painting before Shou moved again. He knew Shou could focus, but Ritsu couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen him like this. Besides sparring, he doubted Shou ever looked more in his element. His own aura rippled in thought as the moments wore on. 

“I just think,” Ritsu finally looked away, and he heard the hiss of the paint subside. “I think we’re different. You and I. Together.”

“Different? Because we spar?”

“Yeah, like, no one else could really understand what we do, who we are. They’d think it’s weird.”

“We aren’t weird, Ritsu.” Shou said, and his tone had Ritsu wishing he could’ve seen his expression. He immediately backpedaled. 

“No, but we’re, you’re-”

 At that, Shou turned around, and Ritsu held his tongue. Shou had moved out of the light of the flashlight, but Ritsu could make out Shou’s eyes on him, and the intensity melted the words he wanted to say. Saying it suddenly felt forbidden. 

That their relationship was special. 

Shou was backlit by the city lights, his aura glimmering with a warm glow. Ritsu’s aura swirled in unspoken words. They stayed at a standstill, music from Shou’s phone filling the silence and wafting off the rooftop like dense fog. The breeze uplifted Shou’s hair, which looked brown in the dim lighting. Ritsu noticed a smear of paint over Shou’s forehead, and then saw that Shou’s hands were also speckled. His curiosity hummed – he wanted to shine light over Shou’s face and note where exactly the paint had littered its canvas. 

The unnaturality of the situation hit him then – he and his best friend were in the middle of Peppercorn City, two hours away from home, in the dead of the night, upon a rooftop no person could get to without a key, committing a crime when they should both be at home, in bed. It wasn’t out of a sense of rebellion, - well, maybe a little - but it was because it was another expression of themselves. To be released from the shackles daylight put upon them, to escape watching eyes and just do something harmless. Criminal, but harmless all the same. Shou expressed himself through art, and Ritsu expressed himself through the very action of going with him. 

This is what he meant. This was how their relationship was unique. 

No one else could’ve gotten there. No one else could’ve painted so passionately, with such tender devotion, like a spider that carefully weaves a new intricate web each night. By all accounts neither of them should've been there, but determination drove them forward. A need for something more. No normal person could truly understand that. They couldn’t possibly understand. No one else could’ve looked as beautiful as Shou did then and there.

Why didn’t Shou see it?

Ritsu wanted Shou to see it. He wanted Shou to understand. 

“Never mind,” Ritsu clasped his hands and turned away. Away from Shou’s eyes. He could feel them linger over him, and warmth swarmed his nerves. Eventually the burning receded, Shou’s stare fell away, and Ritsu was cast back into the shadow of the night. 

Shou was incredibly observant. If he didn’t notice anything peculiar about their relationship, then maybe there wasn’t anything. He couldn’t force Shou – he could never attempt to control a living flame. 

He couldn’t show Shou something that didn’t exist. 

So Ritsu let the conversation drop, pushing the thoughts down. He didn't mention it often after that. 

.˚○ • °

The topic had only come up once or twice since then, and Shou had said the same things. He said the things they did were normal. Their relationship was normal to him. Mundane. Vapid.

Ritsu should have accepted the fact Shou did not hold Ritsu as highly as Ritsu held Shou. But Shou had a habit of making him feel larger than life, to the point Ritsu had just adopted the mindset that together, they were, two stars orbiting one another year after year. It was mindset that had made Ritsu start enjoying writing about his feelings for Shou. It wasn't his feelings that brought him joy, but the details and recording of their relationship that did. He'd been writing and recording something important, something special. 

But Shou didn’t understand, because it didn’t exist. Everything was regular, perhaps even less significant than that, yet Ritsu had fooled himself into thinking what they had was something grander than life. How pathetic. 

Ritsu's hand curled tightly around the spoon in his pocket. Perhaps he didn't want to continue writing in his journal after all.