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Kazutoshi wonders if this entire thing is a sick joke designed specifically for torturing him. There’s really no other explanation for just how much the world is apparently insistent to make his life in particular a miserable hell for everyone around him.
And obviously, the first person who had to notice was Tamba. Because she has no issue coming and going into his dorm as she pleases, and apparently him not showing up to a class without warning is cause for her to break in, or something. Which is ridiculous, because he misses classes without warning everyone else all the time.
The school is the best of the best- a place only for the most talented of individuals, or something. Meaning they don’t even actually make the students attend classes, so it’s not like Kazutoshi is really obligated to let anyone know if he’s choosing to forgo classes for the day. It’s not their business.
The dorms are quieter during the day anyways, while everyone is out. It’s nice.
“Kazutoshi! So you are awake!” Tamba calls out, standing in the doorway to his dorm with her arms crossed. “You didn’t even show up today.”
“...Didn’t feel well.” Kazutoshi replies, his voice sore- disuse rendering it rough and hard to speak. “It’s not a fucking crime.”
“You promised me we’d hang out today!” Tamba approaches regardless, at least having the decency to slam the door shut behind her.
“Don’t remember doing that.” He does. He kind of feels bad about it. Kind of. “Doesn’t sound like something I’d say, really.”
“Kazutoshi. I’m being serious!” Tamba exclaims, somewhere between a pout from the teasing and genuine concern. “I’m just checking on you.”
“Jesus fucking christ- I’m fine.” He really isn't. He knows he isn’t. This isn’t the product of anything he’s used to dealing with. Not symptoms he usually has to deal with. Not in the slightest.
The flower petals in the trash can are able to attest to that fact. He just doesn’t need people fawning over him like something is horrifically wrong. He can deal with it on his own- Kazutoshi knows he can deal with… whatever this is on his own.
“You don’t look fine-” Tamba starts, only to be interrupted as Kazutoshi is faced with another coughing fit.
Yellow. That’s the color of the flower petals- something he very definitively shouldn’t be coughing up, that are trying to kill him. It’s worse this time. More violent this time.
“Oh my god!”
-
The medical department of the school certainly isn’t small by any means. It’s enough to act as a mini hospital in its own right, the stop for all ailments and injuries for every student on campus. The number of Ultimates with a talent about that in particular is a bit too high given how few high-schoolers should ever be allowed into the field, but that’s an easy thing to spot talent in, probably.
A girl with long purple hair had listened to Tamba’s half incoherent explanation and redirected them to someone else- presumably the “Ultimate” that would be able to actually fucking do something. Kazutoshi is in here a lot, usually to visit the pharmacist, but he still doesn’t know absolutely everyone. Including the person he’s been sent to.
The side office they end up in is the office of a girl plastered in pastel pinks and blues, a stuffed bear on her desk. The room itself isn’t much better- like a child’s fantasy, everything covered in soft materials and bright colors.
“Okay, well. There’s good news.” The girl nods, apparently understanding Tamba’s rushed explanation. She’s explained this three times to three separate medical-related Ultimates, and still it hasn’t gotten better. While Kazutoshi himself just… sits there. “This isn’t incurable. It’s… kinda, super inconvenient for you, but it’ll pass.”
“What the hell even is it?” Tamba exclaims, still standing, as though she can force a cure through pure outrage and nothing else. “I thought this was the sort of thing you only see in fairytales!”
“Aha…” The girl smiles, then turns to Kazutoshi. “Um, are you fine with her being here? Not really supposed to share stuff like this without permission.”
“I don’t care.” Kazutoshi deadpans, but he does yank on Tamba’s arm to force her to sit like a normal person would. “She’d just wait outside the door anyways.”
“Hey!” Tamba lets herself be pulled down, but she isn’t happy about it. “Sorry for being worried about my friend who just coughed up petals and then passed out!”
“Right…” Pastels nods, glancing at the closed door behind them. “I’m guessing you’re both familiar with the fairytales that are inspired by the disease, then?”
“Unrequited love, or something sappy like that.” Gross. Kazutoshi thinks he’d actually hate this even more if that’s the answer. “It kills you. I got the memo, yeah.”
“Mmm… Well I wouldn’t say those are super accurate.” Pastels says- almost like she’s reading the explanation off a script. “It’s based on some… very outdated understanding, I guess. It’s also not nearly as rare as the stories make it out to be. Approximately one in every four people experience it to some degree-”
“So what is it?” Tamba interrupts, apparently having no interest in whatever statistics Pastels is spewing out to make them both feel better. Kazutoshi actually thinks he agrees with that. “Is he gonna be fine?”
“I’ll try to keep this explanation short.” Pastels says, after a moment. “It’s not much more than a chemical imbalance, that has some… less than pleasant physical effects. It’s… you probably already know the basics- it’s healthy to express your emotions, and unhealthy to bottle them up, right?”
“That’s really fucking helpful.” Kazutoshi mutters. He actually does not care about that kind of talk- the weird therapy-speak, he cares about not dying. “Thanks for the explanation.”
“Kazutoshi!” Tamba scolds next to him, despite the fact she’d just interrupted Pastels moments earlier. “You know what, with an explanation like that- maybe I do get how you caught this!”
“Shut up.”
“Basically, it’s possible for the brain to get confused.” Pastels continues, apparently entirely unphased. “It starts perceiving certain emotions as an invading illness. But there’s nothing to fight, leading to the formation of flower buds.”
“How the fuck does that translate to flowers?” Kazutoshi asks, because seriously- what the fuck do flowers have to do with that.
“No one really knows. My favorite theory is it’s because people have ascribed meaning to them for so long that it’s something you subconsciously ascribe to the source of the emotions.” Her eyes even almost seem to light up at the topic- who the fuck has a favorite theory on why flowers suddenly start trying to kill people? “But some people think it’s just because we’re around plants so often, and the flower growth is based on what’s available around you, making them as a result of breathing in the flower pollen.”
“Great. Okay.” Tamba seems to have less patience for this than he does. Probably just less used to dealing with doctors and how they never get to the point. “Can we get to the cure part? Kazutoshi is dying, isn’t he?”
“There’s a fucking surgery, isn’t there?” The cure is sort of obvious. Sure, the stories all have people dying dramatic deaths- but nobody does that in reality. “That’s what everyone says you do.”
“I… don’t recommend that one.” Pastels says, slow and hesitant. Great. She’s fucking insane then. “For your physical or mental health.”
“The fuck? Why can’t I do that?” There’s literally tons of documented cases of successful surgeries for the disease. He knew that one before even stepping in here- a quick search is enough to tell you that much.
“The surgery works by removing the flowers directly.” Obviously. That’s why it’s the best option. “But that essentially tells your brain that you’re removing the source of the illness. In this case, the emotions that caused it.”
“What the hell? Why doesn’t anyone talk about that!?” Tamba chimes in, far more horrified than he really is. “Kazutoshi, you’re not doing that!”
“The degree to which it affects you depends on the emotion being suppressed.” Pastels continues, remaining neutral. Clinical. “Unless you know exactly what you’re removing, and how living without it will affect you- it’s a very risky procedure. Plenty of people can undergo surgery and live perfectly normal lives, of course. But for others… it’s not pleasant.”
“How bad are we talking here?” Kazutoshi says instead. Because he thinks he can make this choice for himself, actually.
“Mm… Well, I did just say it can be anything.” She pauses. “But you know that the disease is most commonly attributed to love, right?”
“Yeah.” Which is really fucking annoying when he’s the one suffering from it. God- he’s glad it’s just Tamba who found out. Even if she did try to explain it to the others, they probably won’t understand it in the slightest. “Of fucking course I know that.”
“The main chemicals responsible for that feeling are dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. Obviously though, they’re responsible for more than creating that one feeling.” She continues- and okay. Kazutoshi can actually see where she’s heading with this one. “They’re important to our daily ability to function. The surgery will still make it impossible to produce those chemicals as usual, regardless of the context. The more chemicals that are involved in creating the emotion being suppressed, the worse the effects of the surgery are.”
“Huh? That’s awful!” Tamba exclaims.
“It really is. At its worst, the person it leaves behind is…” Pastels doesn’t even finish the statement, apparently deciding not to speak it into existence. “No reputable doctor will simply allow you to undergo the surgery without extensive diagnosing of the cause first. Fortunately, it’s been caught early. You have time to figure it out.”
“So? What do I do about it?” Kazutoshi says, his arms crossed. Apparently they aren’t doing that option, which sucks. This isn’t leaving as quickly as he’d like it to.
“The most I can do for the flowers is give you an emetic agent-” She starts, back to clinical and professional. “That’ll help you purge them at the beginning of the day, so they don’t affect your daily life as much. Though you can’t take them more than twice a day, once when waking up, and once before sleep.”
“Great. Fucking wonderful.” It really isn’t. Another great part about being alive, apparently.
“Other than that…” She trails off, as though thinking through the next steps herself. “The only way to cure Hanahaki is by expressing those emotions in a healthy manner. Make the brain realize you aren't sick. I can refer you to resources for specialists who can help you diagnose the cause, but-”
“No thanks.” He is not fucking doing that. No weird therapist shit. Absolutely not. “Tell the pharmacist girl to give me whatever you’re putting me on and we’re going.”
He stands up to leave. He actually thinks he’d rather process this information alone, in the comfort of his own dorm.
“Huh- Kazutoshi, you can’t just do that!” Tamba says, but she stands up to follow after him anyways. “You’re dying!”
“I don’t mind doing that.” Pastels says, entirely contradicting Tamba’s very, very loud protests. “The door is always open if it grows worse.”
“Great. Come on, we’re fucking leaving.” Kazutoshi walks out the door. He is not doing this right now- he’s not going to talk with some stranger prodding at his mind because apparently some flowers decided to start growing.
“Kazutoshi!” Tamba begins to follow him, but doesn’t quite make it out the door. “Thanks for the help! I’ll make sure he doesn’t get himself killed- wait up!”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s my job.” He hears distantly. “Stay safe, okay?”
-
Tamba had taken the liberty of following him all the way back to his dorm room. By the time he got back, she had basically slammed the door behind her- it’s lucky that no one was choosing to hang around the hallways that day.
“Kazutoshi, what the fuck?” Tamba exclaims, sitting at his desk and swivelling in the chair to stare at him. “Are we going to fix this?”
“Who said anything about we?” Kazutoshi blinks. “I can figure this out on my own.”
“Because if you could do that, you wouldn’t have caught it!” Tamba continues. Her words, as mean as they come off, are tinged with worry. It’s not like the two are never mean to each other. This is their normal.
What isn’t their normal is Tamba doing it because she’s decided that whatever is going on with him is her problem too. Usually, she’s fine leaving the topic of his health alone. Maybe it’s because she’s the one who found him, or something. God, he doesn’t need another person trying to constantly check up on him.
“I think I’m a little more motivated to figure it out now!” Kazutoshi shoots back with a glare.
It’s quiet for a second. It’s obvious Tamba doesn’t really want to fight, so she doesn’t. Or at least, she doesn’t want to push that particular topic right now. She almost looks like she pities him, and it’s sickening. He doesn’t want that. He’s okay with her specifically because she never looks like that.
“Well, it’s obvious what it is, isn’t it?” She asks, quieter- but still not exactly quiet. More said like a statement of fact, like this is easy to solve.
“I am not fucking listening to your theories about this.” Kazutoshi groans. She’s going to say something insane if he lets her try to do that. “Absolutely not. You’re going to talk about something really stupid-”
“It’s not stupid!” Tamba interrupts, right back to loud and fighting with him on a topic he just doesn’t want to fight about.
“You’re not the sick one.” Kazutoshi continues to protest. “I’m not incapable- they even let us out of the medical office just fine! I’m not dying immediately!”
“But I think we could solve this today!” Tamba continues, apparently insistent that she knows more than he does. About himself. What a fucking joke.
“If it were that easy, nobody would need surgery for this.” Kazutoshi ends up raising his voice- wanting to actually drown her out. “There’d be no need for a specialist for it.”
“But it’s really not that hard-” Tamba continues, she herself not raising her voice at all.
“What has you so convinced you can solve it, Tamba?” It’s not like she’s the one in their class known for brilliant problem solving abilities. “I’m sure you’re wrong.”
“Look, I can go get Hasegawa and-”
“No.” Kazutoshi actually feels his blood run cold at the idea. Absolutely not. No. That isn’t happening, not today- not ever.
“What?” Tamba asks, as though entirely oblivious to just how terrible her suggestion actually is. “That’s probably it!”
“We are not fucking doing that- no.” He continues. “Absolutely not.”
“It’s worth a try, isn’t it?” She insists, as though just repeatedly saying he should do it will change his mind. It won’t. “We already know that you-”
“You’re not allowed to use this as an excuse to make me tell him that.” Because of all the things it can be, it won’t be this. “No- fuck off. We’re not doing that.”
“Either way, he’s going to catch on to what’s happening eventually!” Tamba says. Unfortunately, Kazutoshi… kind of agrees.
“No he’s not.” He says regardless- because he isn’t going to let it happen anyways. “If you tell him that I have this stupid disease, I am going to kill you.”
“I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t figure out you have this stupid disease by the end of class tomorrow!” She exclaims- apparently dead set on this being the solution. “Kazutoshi, seriously- I think it’s worth a try!”
“Fuck off!” He yells, watching her flinch away like this time she’s realizing he’s serious. God, he’s glad the dorms are properly soundproofed. “This isn’t even your problem- stop acting like it is.”
“I watched you collapse!” Tamba continues anyways, frantic. “We don’t know how bad it’s going to get-”
“I can handle it. Myself.” It’s just another annoying thing on a list of plenty of other annoying things he has to deal with as part of living every day. He’ll survive. “I don’t need you to start hovering over me like I’m going to die at any second.”
“Am I not allowed to be worried- Kazutoshi, seriously!” Tamba says, stepping closer this time. More visibly upset than before. “I’m not trying to meddle in your relationships, I’m saying it because I know you aren’t going to do it and you’ll-”
“And I’m keeping it like that.” Because he’s never going through that again. Absolutely never again. It was already a risk telling Tamba- he’s not telling anyone else. Especially not Ken. “We don’t know if it’s that.”
“This is why I’m not even that surprised you caught it!” Tamba says, childish. It’s a jab that’s intended to hurt- not the first time they’ve both fought like this.
“Fuck off, Tamba.” Kazutoshi mutters.
“No!”
“Yes. God, I shouldn’t have told you anything.” He continues, exasperated. Exhausted. All of this is draining. “I wouldn’t have if I knew you were going to do all this about it.”
“I’m worried-”
“No, you’re just using this as an excuse to force me to do shit I already told you I’m not doing.” Kazutoshi says, watching her visibly recoil- that one made her upset. “Seriously, leave me alone. I can do this myself.”
“...I know you can figure it out.” Tamba says, slow. Defeated, almost. Trying to back away like a wounded animal. “But I think you should consider my idea-”
“No. Leave me alone already.” Kazutoshi just doubles down on it anyways. He wants her gone. “You’re actually the fucking worst, trying to make me do that.”
“You don’t mean that-” Tamba starts, her eyes wide.
“Yes, I do.” Kazutoshi glares at her, weak but his voice still filled with venom. As much as he can muster with just how exhausted he feels. “Get out of my dorm.”
That’s what gets Tamba to finally give in and leave, however reluctant she looks to actually do so. She hovers by the door regardless, as though thinking about whether to say something. After a moment passes, she just leaves without another word- apparently deciding it isn’t worth the fight.
Something lurches in his throat, and he’s coughing again. Petals of all different colors this time- yellow mixed with red mixed with pink. Rose petals, like the ones kept neatly outside the dorms in trimmed, perfect bushes.
It’s disgusting. He thinks he hates them. He does hate them. He hates that they’re killing him alongside everything else that he has to deal with.
He hates that he remembers the theory he was told earlier- flowers having meaning. He hates that with that explanation, maybe things line up a little too well with the theory Tamba proposed to him. The red almost mocking as more of them spill from his mouth to his hands. The softer yellow alongside it makes the red all the more prominent.
It’s not that. It can be anything else but that.
-
Every day has a routine that Kazutoshi doesn’t really remember when it started, but at this point he can’t really escape from. It’s just ingrained as part of his normal life now- something as simple as the fact that the sun rises every morning and sets every evening.
Every day, classes end, and he has time to himself in the dorm for a few hours. Then, Ken comes knocking on his door, almost like clockwork at the 3 hour mark- and asks if he can study in here. And they stay like that for a while, sometimes talking- often not. Just existing in the same space. And it goes on like that for another 2 hours before they go to the cafeteria to eat dinner.
It’s a routine that’s almost painfully familiar.
“Um… hey.” Ken stammers out the moment Kazutoshi opens the door- despite the fact it’d be weirder if he didn’t show up. “C-Can I-?”
“You literally come over to study every day.” Kazutoshi deadpans, but he steps out of the way to sit back on the bed and let Ken inside.
“I mean, yes… but I still think it’s better to ask first!” Ken says, apparently still not taking the statement as an invitation or permission.
“Stop just standing there with the door open.” Kazutoshi says, gesturing at the very much still open door. That gets Ken to actually go inside.
“Right!” The door closes behind him.
Ken always brings way too many textbooks- and despite that, Kazutoshi knows for a fact that he’ll get through most of them before the two hours spent here is up. And will probably have to leave back to his room to get whatever else he’s taken from the library today. Thank god that the library doesn’t limit students on how many books they take out.
But he always sets them out on Kazutoshi’s desk- which he keeps perfectly clean, alongside too many notepads that he also runs through way too quickly.
“...I wanted to ask if you’re-”
“I’m fine.” Kazutoshi interrupts, before Ken can even think of trying to continue that sentence. “I know I wasn’t in class today. It’s nothing major.”
“Okay- Okay. If you’re sure.” Ken doesn’t sound convinced. Then again- Kazutoshi isn’t sure he ever really does. “…Tamba just seemed r-really upset earlier-”
“She talked to you?” Fuck. He’s going to actually kill her when he sees her next. She has absolutely no right to be going around and-
“Uh- no?” Ken says, a little lost. Okay, good. She doesn’t have a death wish. “She was just… pacing around the hallway for kind of a while…”
“...Well, that’s her problem then.” Kazutoshi says, with a sigh.
“Yeah.” Ken’s gaze averts- this time to the floor where- fuck. Okay, that’s a problem. “R-Right. Um- what’s with the…?”
“Oh. Those.” Kazutoshi blinks- now having to come up with an excuse as quickly as possible. “Forgot to throw them out.”
“...Rose petals?” Ken asks, apprehensive- but he sort of always sounds like that. Kazutoshi is pretty sure it’s nothing.
“Don’t worry about it.” Kazutoshi hopes he doesn’t push it. He really didn’t have a plan- thanks to Tamba and her incessant chatter. “Didn’t realize flowers apparently shed absolutely everywhere.”
“I… see.” Ken says, staring into… just about literally nothing. Kazutoshi supposes it’s better than questioning him on it.
“You planning on actually studying?” Kazutoshi asks, an obvious attempt at changing the subject- but he knows it’ll actually work. “Or just asking about my personal business.”
“Sorry! Sorry-” That gets Ken to turn back to the desk. “Right. I’ll leave you alone.”
-
Kazutoshi spending his days off doing whatever with Ken or Tamba or Hayashi or whoever the hell feels like inviting him to do something that weekend isn’t really unusual. He has a perfectly functional social life, contrary to popular belief. Enough people apparently have decided they value his company enough to keep him around.
What is unusual this time is the location. And Kazutoshi knows he’s thinking way too much into it- and there’s no way it’s actually meant like that, but…
“...Why the fuck are we here, again?” Kazutoshi asks Ken beside him, standing in front of the doorway to the aquarium. A nice aquarium too- something that has to have some sort of crazy private funding or some shit to exist. Nicer than the one back at school, somehow.
“You haven’t been doing well, so I thought… maybe something like this could cheer you up?” Ken offers- again, confirming Kazutoshi’s suspicions. He doesn’t actually mean it in the way that most people mean aquarium visits.
“...This is stupid.” Kazutoshi mutters- more because he thinks this situation is actually causing him physical pain. Hell- maybe it is. Flowers and all that.
“Well, you don’t have to be here.” Ken says- patient as ever. Fuck- well, the tickets to this place couldn’t have been cheap. He’s not going to just say no.
“Hurry up.” Kazutoshi says instead, turning away from Ken to step towards the door. “I don’t want to stand in the sun all day. It’s too hot out for that.”
“I- you’re the one wearing-?” Ken starts, then pauses. “…Alright.”
“What made you pick this one?” Kazutoshi asks- it’s still way too nice. Not the sort of place Kazutoshi would ever once go to on his own, and probably would not pay to attend. “Don’t we have some sort of animal exhibit at the school?”
“Well, yeah. But you could go there whenever you wanted, right?” Ken offers- Kazutoshi supposes that makes sense. “That kind of defeats the purpose.”
“I guess.” Kazutoshi hums- but it’s still not a complete answer. “Still doesn’t answer why this one.”
“It’s supposed to have a rather impressive collection of bioluminescent organisms?” Ken offers, more like a question than anything else. Like he himself isn’t entirely sure about that.
“Oh. I see.” Kazutoshi nods. “More of your weird nerd bullshit.”
“Hey, it’s not-”
“Come on.” He interrupts, yanking Ken’s arm so he starts walking faster. “I literally just said I don’t want to stand around in the heat.”
“...Right.”
-
It’s not that Kazutoshi didn’t know exactly how this was going to go the moment that they entered the door- but he’s still really confused on why Ken insists on stopping to read every single minor plaque. It’s almost endearing- if not for the fact that Kazutoshi actually cannot be thinking that right now. That, and he’s seen Ken hunched over textbooks on sea life several times already.
That, and even despite pausing to read everything- he still is perfectly content to explain just about everything they’re looking at to Kazutoshi. Who pointedly, is not reading the signs- because it’s absolutely unnecessary.
“Why even read the plaques at this point?” Kazutoshi says, watching as Ken stops his explanation on something once again to look over something. “You seem to know more than they do.”
“B-Because I don’t know everything!” Ken responds, still not looking away from the sign in front of this current exhibit.
“You know more than these things that look like they’re written for kids.” It’s not like these things are designed for people who actually know what they’re talking about.
“But if there is new information on them, I don’t want to miss it.” Of course. Of course Ken, despite knowing literally everything that these things have to say on them- would still say that.
“I seriously doubt there’s going to be anything you’ll miss on these.” Kazutoshi deadpans. “You haven’t even been needing the plaques to tell me what the hell I’m looking at.”
“...But there could be!” Ken protests regardless, finally looking up at the sign to actually speak with him properly.
“Sure.” Kazutoshi scoffs, sarcastic. “I’m absolutely positive you’re going to miss something if you skip just one plaque.”
“Kazutoshi-”
“Even though I’ve given up on even looking at them.” Kazutoshi says- not that he particularly would have stopped to look at every single one to begin with. “Because the second I look in the direction at something you can tell me everything about it.”
“I-If it’s bothering you, I can stop.” Ken says, considerate as ever- apparently.
“No.” Not really. It’s more funny than anything else, really. “I just think it’s fucking weird you’re still reading them yourself at this point.”
“...Fine, I’ll stop.” Ken says, immediately going to follow Kazutoshi- whose already decided this exhibit isn’t really worth lingering around.
“Great.” Kazutoshi replies. “We can move through this place faster that way.”
“...Well you could also just tell me that you want to leave!” Ken says- right, Kazutoshi probably came off a little too rude with that one.
“I don’t want to leave, I just don’t want to waste time staring at useless plaques.” He scoffs, looking over at another one beside them- an exhibit, just not a particularly interesting one. “I want to look at the actually cool shit.”
“D-Do you not like this section?” Ken asks, hesitant.
“No.” Kazutoshi says, deadpan. “I think you are the only person I know who can find an exhibit on different types of sea grass interesting.”
“I- Oh.” Ken sounds almost embarrassed about that one- Kazutoshi sighs. Okay, this is already going kind of badly, actually. This weird not-date thing they’re doing is. Fuck, he should stop thinking of it like that.
“It’s fine.” Kazutoshi mutters. “There’s actually interesting stuff ahead, right? That bioluminescent organisms exhibit you mentioned?”
“Yeah.” Ken says, then steps to be ahead of him so he can lead the way there.
He definitely seems more familiar with the place than Kazutoshi is, so he doesn’t mind. Plus, he did seem excited about that exhibit specifically.
-
The exhibit in question was a series of rooms shrouded entirely in darkness- the main source of light coming only from LEDs lining the pathways and the exhibits themselves lighting the space.
It was actually pretty cool. At least in terms of an atmosphere, it was a lot cooler than everything else they’d been to so far. Eerie and dark and kind of threatening in a way nothing else had really seemed to be. Even other exhibits that were about dangerous predators weren’t really capturing the same level of threatening or eerie.
The current room, dedicated entirely to jellyfish- was a good example. Immediately, his eyes were drawn to the wall- a giant space filled with large, orange colored jellyfish. Glowing softly, almost looking like they’re floating.
“Woah, that’s-”
“Oh, you like the jellyfish?” Ken asks, he himself obviously happy with being here. He’s the one that wanted to go here- so that makes sense.
“...There’s just a lot of them.” Kazutoshi mutters, stepping closer to the tank of the orange jellyfish. “And they’re the biggest source of light in the entire room. Obviously I think they’re interesting.”
“It’s a really impressive exhibit.” Ken muses, stepping beside him. “A lot of aquariums don’t even give jellyfish a proper exhibit at all.”
“Why not? They’re cool.” Kazutoshi says- his eyes focused on them. The way they float so easily through the water, the eerie way they look- these ones are more like looking at ribbons floating through the water than anything else.
“They’re also generally regarded as fairly useless.” Ken mutters. “They often sting, they have a simple nervous system without any brain cells, and they’re made of mostly water. Most aquariums don’t think they’ll draw much of a crowd.”
“That’s stupid.” Kazutoshi scoffs. “There’s clearly a ton of different types. They’re still around somehow.”
“They’re ancient.” Ken agrees, before taking the sort of tone he usually does when he spouts off facts- sort of distracted, a little distant. “These ones are lion’s mane jellyfish. They’re pretty severely poisonous… though they don’t often cause human deaths, it was used as a murder weapon in a Sherlock Holmes story-”
“Huh. What about the ones over here?” Kazutoshi says, walking alongside the length of the wall- which still contains other exhibits. Smaller than the one there, but still there. “The way smaller tank?”
“The moon jellyfish?” Ken says, following him. “Not nearly as deadly, but they were actually sent to space at one point. Just not to the moon, though.”
They’re a lot smaller. Sort of creepy, actually- glowing softly and floating around the water the way they do. Jellyfish in general are probably kind of creepy, actually.
“All the effort that you’d need to put those things to space, and they didn’t even put them on the moon?” Wasted opportunity, really. “Lame. What about those ones? They look like the jellyfish you’d see in a cartoon.”
“Australian box jellyfish.” Ken recites- stepping closer to the exhibit, another larger one- but not nearly as populated as the lion’s mane exhibit. “One of the deadliest venoms in the world.”
“Oh.” Kazutoshi scoffs- staring at them. Glowing a soft blue. “Hate to be whoever was responsible for bringing those in here.”
“Th-There’s plenty of precautions taken to make sure no one gets hurt.” Ken says, quiet.
“Obviously, but that’s still pretty terrible?” Kazutoshi continues, mocking- “‘Hey, we need to set up a new exhibit. You get to be the ones that risk death bringing them in here’.”
“I’m sure that’s not how it went!” Ken protests immediately. That gets a laugh from Kazutoshi, however small.
“It could be.” Kazutoshi continues, at this point just for the fun of it more than any real, concrete reason. “I don’t know how this place is run.”
“...Are you at least liking the jellyfish?” Ken asks after a moment- sounding all too unsure.
“I guess I kind of see the appeal in your weird nerd bullshit when it comes to these things.” Kazutoshi says, a little sarcastic and maybe a little mean- but that's their normal. He’s still being genuine. “They’re cool.”
“I’m… glad that it hasn’t been a complete waste of your time, then?” Ken asks, but he seems a little more at ease with the answer.
“There’s more to see, isn’t there?” Kazutoshi asks, sparing another last look at the exhibit in front of them before continuing. “We’re wasting time standing here.”
“Right!” Ken says, falling in step with him soon enough. “S-Sorry.”
-
The end of the trip unfortunately served as a reminder that the nice, almost fragile normalcy of this entire visit was temporary.
So he’d excused himself for a moment to the bathroom, only to immediately be met with flowers petals upon flower petals spilling from his mouth the moment he had privacy. Not as bad as it might’ve been if he wasn’t following the recommendation on the emetics- but it was still bad. Really bad. Pink and red mixing, flower buds- everything.
It was miserable. He hates this. He hates that this experience leaves him feeling dizzy and lightheaded and way too weak- he hates that he can barely breathe whenever the flowers decide to make themselves known.
With a grimace, he flushes the flower petals away where he doesn’t have to think about them, washes his hands, and returns back to where Ken is waiting to him.
Except he doesn’t even have time to say anything before Ken pushes something into his hands- from the gift shop, probably. Some sort of trinket. Kazutoshi takes it and looks at it closely to realize it was some sort of necklace- silver and blue and admittedly really pretty.
“...The fuck is this?” Kazutoshi asks regardless, almost cringing at just how harsh that came out. He didn’t really intend it to- but oh well.
“...A jellyfish?” Ken offers, steeling himself. Almost like he’s preparing for Kazutoshi to absolutely hate it. Kazutoshi sighs, unclasping it so he can put it on.
“You… you didn’t have to get me anything.” Kazutoshi mutters, even as he clasps it safely around his neck where it won’t get lost. Because it’s still a really nice piece of jewelry- nicer than he’d expect from a cheap gift shop, actually.
“I know, but I wanted to.” Ken says, hesitant as the two step to finally leave this place. The sunlight almost hurts his eyes, with how long they’ve been in low lighting and generally dim environments. “…I was really worried about you, and you seemed to like them, so-”
“Why a necklace?” Kazutoshi interrupts. That’s the better question- it really is nice, but.. why?
“...I mean, I’ve seen some of them on your desk- so I know you’re fine with jewelry…” Ken says- Kazutoshi blinks. He was paying attention to that? “A-And I’ve only ever seen you wear silver, so I made sure it was silver- and the blue sort of matches your hair, so-”
“...Thanks.” Kazutoshi interrupts, because that’s actually- a lot. A lot to realize that Ken apparently was keeping note of about him. When did he even start taking note of the silver thing? Kazutoshi himself barely recognized the silver thing. “I… I really appreciate it.”
“I’m glad.” Ken says- almost like that took a weight off his shoulders.
They keep walking for a bit- before Kazutoshi stops. Because he kind of… doesn’t want to go back. He doesn’t want this to end just yet. And it’s sort of sick, because he knows this isn’t a date- he keeps telling himself that it isn’t a date. But it also feels like one, sort of.
They’re just hanging out like normal. The necklace that’s way too nice for cheap gift shop jewelry isn’t something that means anything. It doesn’t.
“...Are we heading back to the school now?” Kazutoshi asks, quiet.
“Would you want to stop and eat something first?” Ken offers- apparently picking up that he doesn’t… quite want to go back just yet. “I know the school cafeteria gets… rather…”
“Okay, yeah, point taken.” Some of the people in the culinary department are rather… and it gets busy on weekends. Which means there’s all of them there. All of them. “I don’t wanna fucking deal with the creep who runs the place.”
“Okay.” Ken says, quiet. “I think there’s a few places nearby that have options for you.”
“When did you check?” Kazutoshi asks- when did he check? Why would he know that, actually?
“...Uh, while buying the necklace…?” Ken offers- more like he’s trying to convince himself than anything else.
“Huh.” Kazutoshi isn’t sure he believes him. “Sure, lead the way. I don’t know what the fuck is around here.”
-
Ken has a small list of people he’s essentially obligated to keep updated on when it comes to this particular topic. He’s not really sure why- not entirely, but both of them would probably be really upset if he didn’t talk to them about the day's events. Even if they complain about every minor thing he did the entire conversation.
One of them is his sister- who doesn’t get off work for at least another hour. So she’ll have to wait, because he knows she probably would drop whatever task she’s doing to catch up- and he doesn’t really want to risk that.
The other one… is someone he isn’t actually related to at all.
“Hey, sorry, busy doing rich girl stuff, who’s this-” The girl on the other line starts, her tone entirely disinterested- the greeting more than familiar at this point.
“Taiyo, it’s me.” Ken says, the comment on how she should really check who’s calling her before she picks up the phone left unsaid.
“Oh!” Like that, the voice goes much friendlier, much more cheerful. “How’d your date with Blue go over?”
“I, um…” …This is the part he was actually dreading saying aloud. To either of them. Because he didn’t imagine this conversation going over all too well. “Well it wasn’t really a date…”
“...You went to an aquarium with him and you aren’t calling that a date?” Taiyo starts- suddenly a lot less cheerful. More exasperated than anything else.
“Well I didn’t really… ask him on a date?” Ken says, hesitant. “So it was just like hanging out as normal-”
“Did you drop hints?” Taiyo says on the other end of the line- frustration seeping into her voice. “Flirt with him? Make absolutely any progress whatsoever?”
“I… bought him a necklace?” He offers. “And we ate lunch?”
“Okay, cheap jewelry- that’s… progress.” She sounds sarcastic. She probably is being sarcastic, actually. “The lunch wasn’t a date either?”
“...No?” Ken says. He swears he can hear the clang of metal hitting some sort of wall- she was probably mid painting. Hopefully she didn’t ruin it.
“Oh my god, I’m going to end it.” She groans- he can hear her getting up to her feet. “I thought you were worried about someone else asking him out! Didn’t you say someone gave him flowers?”
“Yeah- uh. Roses.” Which, really- he would have hoped whoever it was would do better than roses. There are so many flowers with better, more fitting meanings- “Sort of… generic, but yeah.”
“You can do better than flowers.” Taiyo says, her own- weird, slightly mean version of encouragement. “In fact, you will do better than flowers. What was it- roses? You can do better than that.”
“H-He just hasn't been doing well!” Ken protests. “I don't want to push anything onto him now, he's been missing a lot of classes, and-”
“You are never getting anywhere with him at this rate.” She sighs, he can hear her spray cans in the background- so she’s started again. “I am doomed to listen to your useless pining for the rest of time. Actually, send your sister my regards, she probably has it worse.”
“I-I’m not that bad, I do plan on telling him-”
“Well hurry up and do it!” Taiyo exclaims, then hangs up.
…As rude as she really is about all of it, it’s sort of helpful. And better than what the result would have been of him not catching her up at all.
-
Kazutoshi wonders what exactly is meant to be the normal rate of progression for the disease.
Two weeks after finding out about this… whatever this is, he’s finding it harder and harder to just get up, and the emetics that he was given seem to be having less and less of an actual impact on anything. They aren’t helping anymore, an hour later he’s coughing flower petals every few moments like it’s nothing.
That- and it hurts. Roses are a particularly painful flower to have growing, apparently. The stems harden into branch-like, rough growth- and that’s not even mentioning the thorns. He doesn’t know how badly this is going to affect everything else in his life. He really hopes he doesn’t have to think about it.
All that coalesces into one bigger issue- this stupid disease also aggravates his myriad of other health conditions. His cataplexy episodes aren’t unmanageable, he’s never had an issue taking care of himself. Maybe he goes down every so often, maybe he has to be a little more careful- but he can tolerate it.
But the flowers seem to almost make the issue worse, it’s like his heart rate spikes enough to make him dizzy and lightheaded just from trying to walk.
He knows other people have noticed. He can see their pity for him- even if they don’t know why he’s worse, he knows that they know that it’s worse. It’s like when they first found out about his health issues all over again- everyone talking to him like he’s way too fragile, when he isn’t. He’s not breaking over a stupid flower disease.
So he’s been skipping classes a lot lately, which probably isn’t helping the issue.
“Kazutoshi!” An all too familiar voice exclaims, knocking on the door. “Let me in, or I’m breaking the door down myself! Don’t test me!”
“It’s not even fucking locked-” Kazutoshi yells back with a groan- of fucking course she eventually came back. “Why are you threatening to break my door down?”
“...Oh.” Tamba says, pausing the knocking. “I’m coming in then!”
Tamba lets herself in easily, closing the door behind her and sitting at the desk. Kazutoshi blinks, sitting up so he can actually keep eye contact with her. Partially because he doesn’t really want to give her any sort of leverage over him, however small.
“...So?” Kazutoshi mutters. “What’s your problem today?”
“Look, I wanted to-” Tamba says, then pauses- like something about the statement had seemed off. “I wanted to apologize.”
“...Huh?”
“I… I still think that I was right.” Of course she does- and Kazutoshi hates to admit it, but she probably is. “But I shouldn’t have tried to force you into anything- and I was being kind of selfish about it when you’re the one dying, and-”
“Woah, woah-” Kazutoshi interrupts, his hands raised. “Who the hell put you up to this? This doesn’t sound like you.”
“No one!” Tamba protests, crossing her arms as she leans back in the chair. “I just… I don’t know, we haven’t been talking at all.”
“So?” Kazutoshi deadpans.
“So, I want my best friend again!” Tamba exclaims.
“I’m your best friend?” Kazutoshi says- sarcastic. “That’s kind of sad.”
“Kazutoshi!” She exclaims- then relaxes a little. Trying to not come off as mean, despite that being their normal. “Listen, I really am sorry. I’m being serious.”
“...Look, I get you meant… well.” Kazutoshi says- and she did. She really did. “I… shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“Well I shouldn’t have kept trying to push you into doing something when I knew how uncomfortable it was making you!” Tamba says, speaking over him.
“And I shouldn’t have started accusing you of shit.” He sighs, his gaze falling to the side. “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”
It’s quiet for a moment. Both of them trying to process this whole conversation- continue it in a way that isn’t incredibly out of character from them both. Not that that’s going well- this whole conversation is weird, not forced- but still distinctly uncomfortable in a way that settles into his bones.
“...Okay, well, since we’re both sorry, are we friends again?” Tamba asks, after a moment.
“...Yeah.” Kazutoshi replies. “We can be friends again.”
“That’s grea- Kazutoshi?” Tamba asks, staring at him.
Because of course even this moment doesn’t get to last long without flowers having to spill out of him- a dizzying mess of yellow flowers and petals and full green leaves. It’s weird and it’s disgusting and he hates this- he hates it so much. He hates that he can’t last all that long without this stupid disease hijacking him- making him feel weaker than he already is.
Why the hell does he have to be involved in this? Does the universe just think it’s funny, giving him a disease that’ll aggravate his other issues too?
“Oh my god, Kazutoshi!” Tamba exclaims- the last thing he hears before it falls dark once again.
-
At least when he wakes up, he’s still in his room. At least Kazutoshi still has that, that he wasn’t taken back somewhere where people will be poking at him like some sort of lab specimen.
“...Fuck, my head-” Kazutoshi mutters, sitting up. “Didn’t drag me to the medical department, Tamba?”
“I… Didn’t know if you really wanted me to try doing that in front of whoever’s wandering around the dorms.” Tamba says, still sitting in the desk- but not as relaxed.
“I didn’t.” Kazutoshi says. Of course he didn’t. “So thanks.”
“...Do you think you… know…” Tamba starts, hesitant. Probably
“...I think you were right.” Kazutoshi knows that. It’s still different actually saying the words aloud. “Fuck. You were probably right.”
“Okay, okay-” Tamba starts, placating. It’s kind of weird on her. “I won’t even rub it in, but uh- you know that means you have to… do something about it?”
“I don’t want to.” Kazutoshi mutters.
“So you’re okay with dying?” Tamba says, immediately apprehensive.
“I didn’t say that- but I don’t fucking want to do this.” He continues. “Not because of some stupid flowers- he’s going to hate me.”
“I don’t even think that’s possible for him to-”
“No, but he’ll probably only be fine with it because he’ll feel awful rejecting me if I’m literally dying over it, Tamba.” Kazutoshi states- because that’s the real fear behind all this, isn’t it? “Then he’ll hate me eventually either way.”
Ken is too nice to him for his own good, really. Kazutoshi knows that if he knew about this- he would play along with it, if only to try to make Kazutoshi feel slightly better. To not make him feel like the flowers ruined the good relationships he does have, and he’d pretend to be entirely okay with it. Even if he really wasn’t.
Kazutoshi knows that’s the sort of person he is.
“...Kazutoshi-” Tamba starts. “You c-can’t just let it get worse, though!”
“I know that!” Of course he does. This stupid disease is progressing faster than he actually expected it to. “I don’t plan on letting it get worse. I… don’t really want to die. Anymore.”
“Anymore.” Tamba repeats- reaffirming it. “Right. …But I really think it’ll all be okay.”
“I don’t want to fucking do this.” Kazutoshi groans, falling back to lay down. “I hate that I have to do this.”
“...I’m really sorry, Kazutoshi.” Tamba says, quiet. Trying to be comforting- even though she really fucking sucks at it. “I- you know that no one in our class is going to…”
“It’s still different to actually talk about it aloud.” Kazutoshi says. He knows no one in their class would care- they don’t care. Not in the slightest. Most of them are a lot louder about it all than he could ever even dream of being.
“...Yeah. I get that.” Tamba says, quiet.
“...Fuck, I should probably clean this up.” Kazutoshi realizes, sitting up and standing again with a start. “He’s going to-”
Bad idea. Another dizzy spell- because this disease is fucking stupid and it hates him and it wants him dead. He thinks he’s going to hate flowers for the rest of his life. The stupid things deserve it, after all of this. He’s half tempted to take a lighter to the neat rosebushes planted around the dorms.
“Okay- uh, lay down.” Tamba mutters, waiting for Kazutoshi to sit again- however reluctantly. “I’ll get the flowers- seriously, I’m surprised no one has noticed after this long.”
“Hard to notice anything when I’m locking myself in my dorm all day.” Kazutoshi says, quieter again. That has been the routine- he’s barely seen anyone that isn’t Ken all week. Hayashi’s come by a couple of times- of course she has. Tsuno- if only to deliver work and make sure he’s been actually eating.
“...Point taken.” Tamba mutters, clearing the yellow roses quickly. “…You aren’t actually-”
“I don’t think I’m gonna die in the next ten minutes, Tamba.” Kazutoshi deadpans. Hopefully, by the end of today- everything will be solved. Everything sort of has to be solved.
“...I’m going to get going.” Tamba says, as though realizing what he meant. She puts the petals in one of the bags under his desk, slinging the bag over her shoulder to throw it away. “I… I really hope it goes well, Kazutoshi.”
“...I’ll try to do it by today.” Kazutoshi reaffirms. “I shouldn’t let it get worse.”
“I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” Tamba asks- hopeful. Because both of them know it can’t get worse than this- not without causing damage that’s a little too lasting.
“Yeah.” Kazutoshi agrees. “Tomorrow.”
-
As is routine, it only takes a little while longer for Ken to knock at the door. Exactly at the 3 hour mark after classes, exactly as what happens every day. Hopefully, will continue to happen every single day.
“...Kazutoshi?” Ken says from outside the door, quiet. Right- usually Kazutoshi will greet him at the door. That probably isn’t a good idea for today. Not really.
“J-Just come in.” Kazutoshi says. He hates how weak his own voice sounds- rough both from disuse over the time he’s been locking himself in all day, and the constant coughing up flowers. “Sorry. N-Not doing well.”
“What’s wrong-” Ken starts- his voice too gentle, too cautious. Like he’s treating Kazutoshi as something fragile. He steps into the room slowly, the door closing behind him with a soft click. “I-I know you don’t like me… coddling you, or however you put it- but are you…”
“I’m fine.” Kazutoshi says, a little too fast. The words a little too harsh- they always are. “I don’t need help. Just sick.”
“I- c-can I get you anything?” Ken continues, apparently not willing to drop it.
“I’m fine, Ken.” Kazutoshi says.
“R-Right.” Ken nods- he doesn’t think that Ken actually believes the words, but he seems to prioritize not upsetting him even more. “I… I’m sorry. If I made you uncomfortable-”
“Stop apologizing.” Kazutoshi says, with a scowl. Then he remembers he really shouldn’t be mad at Ken, and this isn’t all really his fault- so his expression softens again. “Just sit down.”
“...Yeah.”
It’s silent as Ken takes his usual seat- but Kazutoshi notices he has considerably less textbooks. Only the one that he has on hand seemingly being for show- the topic… marine life. Of course.
“...Have I missed anything important?” Kazutoshi asks- even though he knows the answer, what with Tsuno delivering what little “work” there really is in a school like this.
“Not… really.” Ken replies. “Class is… about the same as always. A couple people from the class next door have been popping over more often, but that’s about it.”
“Sounds lame.” Kazutoshi scoffs. “Seriously wonder why we all even bother.”
“...Sasaki starts going a little crazy sometimes if we miss too many days?” Ken offers- ugh. That isn’t a fun memory.
“Ugh. Forgot about that.” Kazutoshi says with a sigh. “Glad she doesn’t pull that shit with me anymore.”
“She’s just… a little overly concerned about everyone.” That’s the really nice way of putting it- and even then, it doesn’t sound entirely nice even when Ken says it. “…I’ve missed you, though.”
“You see me literally everyday either way.” Kazutoshi deadpans.
“Well, yeah.” Ken agrees, tentative. “But it’s still a lot worse being in class without you there.”
“...Sorry.” Kazutoshi mutters. “Just… this stupid illness.”
“Do you… mind talking to me about it?” Ken asks- still too considerate. Of course he would ask that, would offer that. He doesn’t actually know what he’s asking.
“...Later.” Kazutoshi says, quiet. He does want to have this done by today- but he’s still allowed to put it off for as long as possible. “Just- later. Not right now.”
“Okay.” Ken agrees, still hesitant. “Okay.”
Silence followed. Kazutoshi eventually heard the familiar enough sound of pen to paper- Ken at least trying to become absorbed in his studies once again. But Kazutoshi can usually tell when he’s not entirely focused on it, the writing too slow- the pages turned slowly and carefully rather than frantically, like Ken is trying to absorb all the information from the book as efficiently as possible.
He doesn’t think he remembers when this became such a normal thing for them. When he started to know Ken enough to even be able to notice little things like that. At some point, he’d have thought the idea ridiculous- why should he even care enough for that? It’s just sappy and weird and gross.
At some point, apparently, that changed. It’s disgusting- like the fake sugar stuff they sell in stores and slap “maple syrup” on there even if it isn’t real. It’s all just so much, and Kazutoshi doesn’t think he’s used to it. Doesn’t think he ever will be used to it.
It’s with that thought that he finds more flowers spilling out of his mouth. At probably one of the worst possible times to do that- but… well, Tamba did have a point back then. It was sort of inevitable that Ken was going to find out about it.
“Kazutoshi-?” Ken asks- immediately swiveling in the chair then kneeling by the bed to be beside him- making sure he’s okay. “Are you- oh. O-Oh, okay, I-”
“...S-Sorry.” The words hurt to say. The red flowers on the bed almost like blood- if he squints, maybe they are covered in blood. It wouldn’t surprise him at this point. “It’ll pass- It won’t… Th-This is stupid.”
“You didn’t- You didn’t tell me it was…?” Ken stammers, clearly at a loss.
“Wasn’t your business.” Kazutoshi says, though at this point the excuse starts to sound weak- even to him. When he’s literally dying, at least. “Tamba already decided to make it her business, I wasn’t adding you on top of it.”
“B-But this could kill you-” Ken says, quiet.
“Already got the whole spiel from one of the girls in the medical department.” Kazutoshi snips, cutting him off before he could continue. “Don’t even start with that.”
“...Two weeks?” Ken asks instead. “I-Is this why you’ve been out so much?”
“...Yeah.” Kazutoshi admits.
“You… You should have told me-” Ken starts, panicked. Kazutoshi doesn’t entirely think he can blame him. “I could have helped you figure out what the problem was, oh my god-”
“I told you, I wasn’t making it someone else’s problem.” It would have only been his problem if he could help it. “Tamba was already on about that.”
“Is that why she’s been so upset?” Ken asks.
“Probably.” Yes. Definitely. Kazutoshi didn’t realize it apparently carried over to all of their classes too. “I don’t fucking know- look, it’s fine.”
“Th-This isn’t fine-” Ken starts, gesturing vaguely at the pile of red. “You’re coughing up entire flowers, Kazutoshi-”
“I’m saying I know what caused it.” Kazutoshi says, neutral. “You know how the disease works, right? You just have to… I don’t know, work through whatever internal issues you have.”
“But it usually doesn’t progress this far anymore before being cured or receiving surgery-” Ken starts. Huh. Well, that explains some stuff. Probably. “Have you even gone back since you found out?”
“...No.” He admits.
“Kazutoshi-”
“Ken.” He interrupts. Then takes a deep breath in, because he can’t put this off any longer. He doesn’t actually have a choice anymore. “I know what the fucking problem is- don’t worry so much about it.”
“H-How am I supposed to not worry about it- you’re coughing up roses!” Ken starts, his eyes darting between him, and the flowers, and everything else about this really. Like the pieces are just now starting to slot together- the physical flowers themselves the one thing he was missing.
Then, carefully, he too starts trying to dispose of them- dumping them into the trashcan. Where they fucking belong, given all the misery they seem to be causing him.
“Ken.” Kazutoshi says, quiet. “I’m not going to die.”
“...But you are dying-”
“I know what the cause is.” Kazutoshi says, quiet. “Calm down.”
“Then tell me, and we’re going to go fix this right now.” It’s more forceful than he usually sounds. “You’re dying-”
“...I know that.”
“A-And if you haven’t had the surgery already, it’s n-not an option at all, is it?” It makes sense that he’d pick up on that too. Of course.
“...Probably not.” It isn’t. Not when the cause is the one example that was used for exactly why the surgery is often a bad idea.
“Then tell me what the problem is so we can go fix it-”
“Give me a second.” Kazutoshi says, still trying to delay it. Just a little longer, because he still isn’t ready for this. For any of this. He never will be. He was never going to be.
“Kazutoshi-”
“Fucking hell- it’s you, okay?” Kazutoshi forces out. “I’m sorry.”
“I… what?”
“I didn’t want to fucking tell you about it, even though Tamba knew what it was and I knew what it was, because you’d pity me.” He continues- the words at this point being said before he can actually linger on them. “And you’d start lying to me to make me feel better- and I didn’t fucking want that.”
“Wait, Kazutoshi-”
“So, yeah. I’m dying over flowers because apparently a stupid crush got out of hand and decided to kill me over it.” Kazutoshi continues, a hollow laugh escaping. Because this is sick, and twisted, and the universe absolutely hates him- making him go through this. “It’s pathetic.”
“It’s not pathetic-”
“Yes it is!” He interrupts, watching Ken flinch. “I haven’t even been doing anything because this stupid disease makes everything else worse too- and I wasn’t going to ask Tamba for help. That’s pretty pathetic if you ask me-”
“You’re sick, that’s really not your fault-” Ken continues regardless, trying to be reassuring.
“Whatever.” Kazutoshi mutters. “Get out of my room- I told you what I had to for it to go away.”
“...Kazutoshi, I think you should listen-” He starts.
“I don’t want to hear you taking pity on me, Ken.” Kazutoshi cannot do that. Not today, not ever- he doesn’t want that.
“Listen!” Ken continues- a little frantic, now. “I-I’m not taking pity on you.”
“You’re going to say something stupid and we’re both going to regret it later because you feel bad.” He repeats. “Don’t.”
“Kazutoshi…” He almost sounds upset. At the assumption, maybe- or something else entirely. “Seriously, just listen.”
“...Fine.” Kazutoshi agrees. Tentatively, because he’ll still kick him out if he has to.
“I… I didn’t do all of that just because I thought it would cheer you up.” Ken says, quiet- letting the admission hang in the air for a moment. “The aquarium, and the gift- and all of it.”
“...What?” Kazutoshi blinks. What? What the fuck does he even mean by-
“I saw the flower petals on your desk and panicked- because I thought someone else gave them to you.” Ken admits, his words quiet. “I thought someone else was… interested in you.”
“What?” That’s ridiculous. That’s insane- who would even…? Why would he assume that? “Where the hell did you get that idea?”
“It made more sense at the time than th-this!” …Fair enough. Fantasy fairytale disease is probably the less likely explanation in just about every scenario. “Anyways, the point is… that I’m not taking pity on you when I say that I like you.”
“...I- Oh my god.” This is ridiculous. It’s almost funny- if not for how pathetic this is for both of them. “Fuck- we’re both so stupid.”
“...A little, yeah.” Ken agrees. “I promise I’ve already gotten told that by two different people in the past couple weeks."
“I’m going to repeat it anyways- you couldn’t have just told me you meant that to be a date?” Kazutoshi asks. “And saved us both the trouble?”
“I… you weren’t feeling well, I didn’t want to force it onto you-” Ken starts, the excuse sounding a little suspiciously too well-rehearsed.
“It still would’ve solved a lot of problems.” Kazutoshi mutters, quiet.
“...Yeah. Probably.” Ken says, then quieter- more carefully, like even saying the idea into existence would somehow curse them both. With their current track record, maybe it would. “How- How do we know it’s actually…?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s gone, Ken.” Kazutoshi says, then smiles- “Unless…”
“P-Please tell me it’s actually gone-” Ken starts.
“Well, the girl did say some stupid shit about how you have to actually express those feelings in a healthy manner.” Kazutoshi says, slow. Drawn out and sarcastic. “So who knows, really.”
“I- Shouldn’t you be fine, then?” Ken asks, clearly confused. Kazutoshi sighs.
“Oh my fucking god, come here.” He replies- this time not dancing around the subject. Clearly that doesn’t work out well for either of them- stupid flowers and silver necklaces and everything just don’t work in their favor.
“I- huh?” Ken asks, then it hits him. “Oh- O-Oh!”
Ken sits next to him tentatively- like he’s worried sharing the space might be too much. Obviously the beds aren’t really designed for two people, but that isn’t really a concern for the moment. Kazutoshi just leans onto his arm, staring at the textbook- because of course he brought that with him too.
“...I love you.” Kazutoshi says, quiet. Then, deciding the sentiment is just a little too sweet for his liking- “Even if I think you’re a stupid nerd who could have ended all of this way earlier-”
“Y-You’re one to to talk!” Ken protests, then softens. “…I love you too, though.”
And pencil returns to paper. Nothing and everything changes at once- and like that… Kazutoshi thinks that’s when it finally clicked everything will be okay.