Chapter Text
The air was dry, mucky. Dust clung to the white tile walls. Creating a suffocating atmosphere. The walls were white from floor to ceiling, and people in white coats walked back and forth to their destinations.
Multiple heavy metal doors lined the corridor, and one-way mirrors sat by each of the doors. Even more white rooms on the other side. This was a psychiatric hospital. One that, despite its scenery, had decent service. For most patients, at least.
People come here when they either recognize they need help or when a family member, or in some cases, the police, bring them in. Usually it's the latter.
One patient was brought in not too long ago, and reports of aggressive behavior and violence are in his records. Showing that he acts feral and has become less and less verbal over the last few months.
The police said that his close friends and roommate all said that his mental health had declined rapidly after the death of his chosen sister.
They wanted to get him help, but he refused to accept it. Often attempting to attack them. However, they called the police one day and miraculously managed to get him into their custody. They expressed how grateful they'd be if they could help him. Since they'd like to reunite with him when he's gained back some semblance of the mental health he once had.
His name is Chuuya Nakahara.
—
There were sounds of thudding and crashing coming from one of the white rooms. Multiple psychiatrists heard it, but continued on. Someone new was assigned to Chuuya this morning, and one could only hope that this one wouldn't lose a hand.
The psychiatrist was Dazai Osamu, a talented individual who excelled in understanding the mind and its mental state. He got a degree in psychology in college. Passing with flying colors and a master's after he went back to school.
Time passed, and now he works here, at one of Japan's most well-known psychiatric hospitals. About to meet his patient for the first time. The renowned Nakahara Chuuya.
The brunet stopped in front of the one-way glass. Eyes flickering over to where he could both see and hear the man pounding on the door. Trying to get it open with no avail.
Nakahara Chuuya, age 23. Birthplace: Europe. Parents: unknown. Relatives: Ozaki Kouyou. Passed away 2 years ago on April 21st, 20XX. Reason for admission: Violence and aggression.
All things Dazai was familiar with, and already, just by the way the redhead was acting and the look on his face said a lot.
There were signs of him being hysterical and just his mind being distanced from his body in general. No wonder no one could get through to him.
Dazai walked up to the door, pulling the clipboard out from the plastic holder that was screwed to the door. There were records from past physicians. Most of them didn't get past the first week.
He read it over, skimming the few lines of text that were there. Only to unlock the door and go inside.
Dazai opened the door, shutting it behind himself. Chuuya was backed away into the corner of the room. Glaring holes in the doctor. Somewhat self-aware, that's a start.
“I'm your new physician, Nakahara. I've come to ask you some questions to see if you're verbal or not.” He kept it simple and professional. Simply standing there with his clipboard, ready to mark anything that could be useful down.
However, the redhead remained sitting in the corner. Something akin to a growl rumbling in his throat. Quiet, but a silent warning.
Something about his posture, the way his knees were hugged to his chest, tugged at the doctor's heartstrings a bit, even with the brunet being usually melo and professional. He couldn’t help but crouch down and put the clipboard down, and put his hands visibly up. That was usually the issue with doctors coming into the rooms. They seemed like a threat to most patients.
“I’m only here to ask questions. Could you please come out for me? It would be ideal for communication. I won’t touch you or get too close without permission. If you can understand me, put your hand on the wall, maybe?” Dazai didn’t get back up just yet, waiting for Chuuya to process his words. He only stared for a few moments before blinking a few times. Then, he shakily put his left hand on the white wall. The hesitancy to get up is visible.
“Good, you can understand me. Now, what I am going to do is stand up. But I will back up so that you have enough room to move onto your bed. Is that alright, Chuuya?” He didn’t get much in response as expected, but there was the slightest sign of a nod. So he got up and backed away as he said.
It took a few moments of hesitation, but Chuuya eventually tried getting up with the help of the wall. Legs weak and frail. Slowly, he made it to his bed. The firm mattress barely dipped when he sat himself down. Looking to the floor.
“Alright, thank you.” Dazai looked at his clipboard, noting how Chuuya could understand and cooperate quickly, and looked back at him. “I’m going to come closer now, but won’t touch you just yet. I just want to see how you will react before we start our questions.”
Dazai slowly came closer, crouching down in front of him. Eyes glancing over his form, he had only come in a few months ago, yet in the photos of him that he got, he noticed that he wasn’t this frail. They were either not feeding him enough or he refused to eat. At this point, it could be either.
Chuuya glanced down at the doctor, posture stiff and ready to scramble away if needed. A part of him wanted to growl, but the other part wanted to hear this doctor out. Like something from his past was trying to crawl its way out from deep in his mind.
“I’m going to start by asking a few questions, and answer how you see fit. Speaking would be ideal, but I understand if you are unable to right now.”
Dazai flipped to another page on his clipboard with the questions, reading the first one aloud. “How long have you been here?” He looked up and awaited an answer; he has a general range, but wanted a direct answer from the patient himself.
Chuuya seemed to be contemplating how to answer, then remembered something, pointing at a wall in the room that had numbers on it. The number of days he’s been here it seems. “Ah, I see. So about 6 months.” He jotted that answer down, then moved on to the next question.
“Do you know why you’re here?” The brunet saw the sour look appear on his face, masked sadness in it. So he is aware of it. Right now, he doesn’t seem to be aggressive. But that might change when he does the physical test.
“Your sister, Kouyou Ozaki, was it? She passed away in an accident, and from what your roommate said, you started acting differently at your shared apartment. Not speaking verbally much at all. Is that true?”
Chuuya seemed almost uncomfortable with how much information the doctor knew, but he nodded a bit regardless. Starting to bring his legs up onto the bed more. This doctor seemed more patient than the other ones. Analyzing all of the facts and not rushing this at all. He was starting to become curious about him.
“Okay, we have a few more things now. I will need permission to touch you for this, and from the records I have, you haven’t let any of your other doctors finish this test. It is required, and I could lose you as my patient if it isn’t done.” Dazai set the clipboard aside, noticing the curiosity of the redhead right as it was disappearing. Ah, so there it was. Every time he looked away, he found the redhead staring at him curiously, each time he looked back.
“I need any indication that you won’t attempt to try to kill me for getting too close. Since your last doctor lost his hand, I’d like for you to let me know with something other than aggression if possible.”
Dazai got a few blinks in response, 6 to be exact. His lips pressed into a thin line, biting on the inside of his cheek. Then the nod. Okay, this was progress already, at least. “Alright, Good. I’m going to go ahead and begin the exam now. Let me know somehow if you get uncomfortable. Like tapping on my shoulder, or lightly shoving me away.”
The brunet put on a soft smile before he slowly stood up in front of the redhead. Getting slightly closer, slowly starting by letting his hand drift onto Chuuya’s arm. Fingertips barely grazing his skin, yet he shivered, the redhead expected a revolting touch, not.. This… He didn’t react much other than that.
Dazai progressed more, letting his palm rest on his shoulder. As expected, frail. Not much muscle, though it seemed like there used to be. A small hum came from his throat, letting his hand run up to press on his neck to feel his pulse.
“You’re doing a great job,” He praised softly, his other hand briefly brushing against his hair, and there was a soft flinch, but then Chuuya realized what it was and relaxed a bit more. Internally fighting against both sides of his brain. Trust or bite. That’s truly what this was.
The doctor lifted his chin softly, watching his eyes and breathing patterns. This was just a broken man, and a part of him couldn’t believe that he was the same age as him. He was so petite and frail. The unprofessional part of him wanted to hug him, but he held back for the comfort of them both.
“You don’t seem too uncomfortable right now, so I’m going to grab my stethoscope and listen to your heartbeat. Then just a few other physical tests, nothing too hard. Thank you for cooperating with me.” Dazai smiled, pulling his hands away and grabbing the stethoscope from his neck. Gently pressing it against the redhead's chest and listening. His heart rate was racing slightly faster than normal. But it wasn’t anything unusual.
“Hm,” The brunet pressed the stethoscope to the redhead’s back before he spoke once more, “Deep breath for me?” Once he got it, he hummed and pulled his stethoscope back around his neck and marked a few things onto his clipboard. Looking back up to the redhead right as he looked away, the curiosity was almost a compliment.
“So now I need to test your eyes. It’s pretty simple, so let me start.” Dazai grabbed a light from his bag, turning it on and off to make sure it worked before he turned back to the patient.
“What I want you to do is follow this light with only your eyes, don’t move your head at all. It’s not bright, so it shouldn’t strain your eyes too badly.”
Dazai moved the light up and down in a few directions slowly. Chuuya only had a bit of trouble keeping up, squinting his eyes at the light. Pupils contracted while he tried keeping up with the light, interesting.
The doctor moved the light away, marking something else down. “Okay, now, blink and look at me.” He nodded, pulling up the same light again. “So this time you’re going to tell me when it leaves your vision, just stare me me and don’t move your eyes or your head.
He let me smile slip past his professional demeanor, moving the light to where it would just leave the ginger’s eyesight, seeing how he perked up when it did, he nodded and moved it to the other side, repeating the same motion. He did that a few times, Chuuya got it almost every time, thankfully.
After a couple more eye tests, he got his otoscope out next, holding it between his fingers. “Now, for your ears, I just need to take a look; you don’t need to do anything for this one other than stay still. He smiled, scooting a bit closer, placing a hand gently on the side of his neck, and leaned in.
The mask he was wearing prevented him from breathing on the other’s ear, but Chuuya shivered regardless, compliantly staying still while the doctor peered into his ear, the proximity not revolting him like it usually did. The other doctor didn’t even make it to touching him before he attacked.
What was it about this doctor? Was it his calm demeanor? Or maybe it was how gentle and patient he was, how he didn’t force him to speak if he didn’t want to.
Dazai pulled back and moved onto his left ear, brushing his hair out of the way with a certain gentleness that was unfamiliar. Tucking it behind his ear and repeating the same process, pulling back after a few moments. Neatly wrote something in his report and turned back to him once more.
“Have you been eating?” He tilted his head, still close, a comforting distance. On purpose or not, it eased the tension in his shoulders. His blue eyes averted away, looking bluer than earlier, as if he had been lulled back to being more of himself than before the doctor came in.
He looked down at his lap, nails clenching into his palms while resting on his lap. The brunet would take that as a no, then. He frowned the smallest bit, marking something on the bottom of the paper instead of the pigmented boxes.
“No wonder, is it the food? I can have some made for you if you’re hungry. From what’s marked, they’ve had to give you injections so that you wouldn’t die of starvation. Or, I can bring you crackers if you aren’t able to eat the food properly.” He offered, starting to pack things back into the bag, looking up in time to see the shocked expression on his patient's face.
“Has no one offered you that before?” He furrowed his brows subconsciously, sighing after a moment. “I’ll bring you some. They’re easier to eat than most foods, so if you like them, I’d be happy to bring more.
Chuuya nodded in response, posture easing into something less threatened and ready to pounce. The doctor had the urge to ruffle his red hair.
“That should be it for the physical exam now. Thank you for cooperating.” He smiled, zipping his bag and grabbing his clipboard. “I’ll be leaving, see you tomorrow. I’ll be sure to bring you the crackers here soon.”
Dazai left the room, shutting and locking the door with much less force than most had before him.
When he turned around, a couple of doctors were staring at him with a shocked expression. He could only be confused at their shock; he had a masters in his craft for a reason if that’s really what they were surprised about.
“What the hell was that, Dazai?” One of them spoke up first after recovering from his shock.
“I don’t know what you mean, Kunikida-kun. I did the physical exam as requested. Problem?” He had a smile on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“You are such a…” The blond sighed, pushing his glasses up with his middle finger. “Just give me the damn report…”
Dazai handed the clipboard over, and as Kunikida read, the brunet could see more wrinkles appear on his face by the second. It made a crippling smirk appear on his lips.
“...How were you able to get all of this..? He’s- He’s never let anyone leave that room without getting at least a scratch. What the hell did you drug him with!?” Kunikida looked like he’d break a pen if he had one in his hand.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kunikida-san~ I didn’t drug him at all, I’m just as shocked as you are.” His teasing expression faded into something more serious after a couple of moments of silence.
“To be honest, he’s really just… broken. Like a broken record, it’s still running, but it needs to be fixed to work just right. I broke through a couple of his barriers by using basic human decency. I plan on getting him out of this hospital; his state will only worsen if he doesn’t eat.”
Dazai sounded the most serious that anyone had ever heard him, shocking them all even further. Yosano spoke up this time; she was the most used to this side of him. “I’m sure you will, you should get him those crackers, as far as I know, he hasn’t eaten his breakfast or anything we’ve brought him.”
Dazai nodded, setting his medical bag by the door where it was before he entered. “Right, I’ll go get those for him. Keep an eye on him through the glass for me. I’ll be back soon.”
—
The errand didn’t take long like promised. Dazai also picked up some light juice for him to drink, figuring that he hadn’t drunk anything either. He carried the grocery bag in his right hand while he walked down the hall, putting his keys back into his pocket with his left hand.
He approached Chuuya’s room, as promised, Yosano was keeping watch; everyone else must’ve been called back to their stations. “Hey, Akiko.” He greeted, grabbed a fresh mask from the table near the door, put the bag's handles on his wrist, and got latex gloves to put on his hands.
“Hey.” She glanced at him, looking back through the glass again, “He’s just sat on his bed and stared at the wall, didn’t even get up to attack the door since before your visit.”
Dazai looked up at her at the second comment, his brows raising a bit. He hadn’t moved?
“I see, I’ll go in and drop the stuff I got for him inside, maybe see if he’ll talk to me.” He hummed, unlocking the door and closing it behind him once more, watching as the redhead took one look at him, and he instantaneously brightened a bit. He tried hiding it, but he effectively failed.
“I got you crackers and juice,” the psychiatrist hummed softly, stepping closer with less hesitation than before. Setting the bag on the small table and taking the contents out of it, a package of plain crackers and a couple of boxes of juice.
When Dazai turned to him again, Chuuya hadn’t moved, but his eyes flicked from the food to the man next to the items. Staying quiet, as if he wanted the doctor to move away from the contents to inspect them to see if they’d been tampered with.
The brunet stepped aside, watching as the smaller man slowly got up and approached the table like it could bite him. Picking up the package of sealed crackers with shaky hands. Analyzing the seal on it, tracing a nail over it. Not tampered with or previously opened, all crackers in a neat row. The way his eyes still narrowed suspiciously at it was bordering on a (cute) pout.
Before the redhead could even begrudgingly ask, the doctor crouched down and took the package from his shaky hands and opened the package with ease. He handed it back without touching the contents with his gloves.
Chuuya took them without complaint, slowly picking one of the round crackers up, bringing it to his lips. Taking a small bite, a low sound that could’ve been a grumble or a hum coming from his throat. Dazai smiled under his mask while he watched the redhead slowly eat a couple of the crackers. Going ahead and grabbing one of the juices from the package, opening the straw, and sliding it over to the other after he finished another cracker. The ginger eyed it with less suspicion than he did with the crackers. Setting the quarter-finished cracker package down in his lap, he picked up the juice box instead.
Taking a slow, hesitant sip, he stared at the box like it was from a foreign planet. Only to take another sip, Dazai could practically see the color coming back into his face - he was really pale now that he really got a look at him. He’d have to get him more crackers before he comes into work tomorrow, then.
Dazai stood up, ready to leave the room, empty bag in hand, when he caught sight of a large spike of anxiety in the redhead’s eyes. He thought it was because of the proximity - but when the ginger scrambled to catch his hand before he left, leaving the crackers and his juicebox haphazardly across the floor, he realized that it wasn’t that at all.
“What-” He tried speaking, but Chuuya pulled him down with a surprising amount of strength. Dazai was pulled onto the floor on his knees, the redhead panting softly, panic subsiding in his eyes. It faded into something more domestic when he saw that the doctor wasn’t trying to leave anymore.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dazai frowned, letting himself pull the man’s hand from his wrist despite his iron grip that left a tingling sensation in its wake.
Chuuya only looked down at their hands, not speaking, still, just wiggling his wrist from the psychiatrist's grasp and intertwining their fingers instead. The brunet could see the teasing and confused remarks that would come from Yosano’s mouth, knowing that she was still watching this whole thing.
He sighed, but it came out more like a laugh than anything. “You wanted to hold my hand?” It wasn’t discriminating or teasing, just curious and something that was almost amused. Chuuya sat on his knees and stared at the doctor, blinking a few times.
Then came the nod, his body language said something else, though. Like he craved that physical touch that most men his age received tenfold in their prime twenties.
Oh, how Dazai felt for this man.
“Okay, we can stay for a couple of minutes, but then I have to go, okay?” He tried reasoning with him just so that he wouldn’t get in trouble for making unauthorized contact with his patient. That was another far worse way to lose your patient.
The man nodded slowly, a silent agreement. He took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes.
—
It was just over 15 minutes when the redhead finally let him go; the brunet had to thank his mask for hiding his smile the entire time, or the other might’ve thought that he was internally making fun of him, and then he’d lose his hand too.
Dazai left the room, running a hand through his hair - to even his surprise, Yosano was still there and immediately trotted (ran) up to him and shook him. “What the hell was that!?” She sounded like she’d lost her mind, but not exactly; she had seen everything, obviously.
“I don’t know, Akiko - He just sort of didn’t let me leave…” The taller stood rigid while the woman questioned (Interrogated) him; he wasn’t really sure what to think about it either.
His patient, who was supposedly violent and deadly, held him captive for fifteen minutes so that they could hold hands…
Maybe it was a grounding thing, he’d note that for later, for sure.
Dazai couldn’t help but peer into the room again; the same redhead was sitting on his white bed now, staring silently at the wall while he subconsciously nibbled on another cracker. The package nestled at his side. It made the brunet happy that the redhead wasn’t as hesitant to eat a light food as he thought he would be.
“Oi, Dazai. Are you even listening to me?” The violaceous-haired woman scolded, pointing a finger into the taller’s chest.
The brunet sighed again, looking back at his colleague. “Yes, yes, I am Akiko, my bad.” He blew a strand of hair out of his face; he’d just have to live through this scolding before he was finally able to go back home and sleep at long last.