Chapter Text
Senku's project advisor closed the door as he exited the meeting room. The leek-haired man's phone vibrates, reminding him he was on a call.
"Taiju? Oh, sorry about that." Senku presses his phone to his ear, talking to the man on the other side. "Don't worry about it! And that's amazing, Senku! Congrats!" Taiju's boisterous voice rang loud, making Senku put some distance between his phone and his ear.
He let out a laugh, trying not to feel too smug about it. "Yeah, well, it's no big deal. It was almost to be expected with the amount of work I contributed into the project."
He smirks, leaning on a wall while the conversation continues. "That's true... then I assume that they're okay with it?" He hears Taiju ask and raises a brow.
"Them?..." He licks his lips in thought, "What do you mean?"
Taiju's line goes quiet for a moment before Senku hears his voice again, he mentions your name and continues. "Do they not know? Oh, well, I just mean... don't you ask your partner first before agreeing to those kinds of things?"
Taiju pauses before continuing, "Since its a big deal and you had agreed so quickly, I assumed you already talked about it with them."
Senku's reply is only him humming in thought. "Though if I was in that situation, Yuzuriha probably won't be mad anyways so I can't imagine them being any different... oh well!" He couldn't believe that Taiju, that oaf, of all people was giving him something vaguely like relationship advice.
It was true that Senku had agreed rather fast when the project advisor had approached him, he was on the phone with Taiju when it happened so it was only natural that his friend had overheard everything. Senku was offered a seat in the latest mission, a project he'd also contributed a lot towards. For him, it was a no-brainer to accept, it was a great opportunity after all. It's not like it'd be his first time flying off to space either, so... was it really necessary to bring it up to you first? The thought hadn't crossed his mind. Though now that Taiju had pointed it out, it left him conflicted.
Senku was almost completely lost in thought when he heard Taiju speak again, "Oh, Senku! Yuzuriha's calling me down for dinner so I gotta go. It was nice catching up!"
Senku's eyes found the clock hanging on the wall opposite to him, realizing Taiju was right, he hasn't even noticed. "Yeah man, have a good one." The call ended.
Senku brought the phone down from his ear and stared at his lockscreen. The clock on his phone had also read 7:22 PM. His eyes drifted to his wallpaper, looking at the photo he had set as his wallpaper. It was a photo of you and him wearing your highschool graduation robes, taken after the ceremony.
He sighs, Taiju's words was bothering him more than it should. Why was it gnawing at him? He turns off his phone and rubs his temple, the bright lights were starting to get to him too. Perhaps it'd do him some good to come home early, and have that chat with you too while he's at it.
The apartment was quiet when Senku entered, but not silent. He could hear you were home, if the mood lighting turned on was not enough evidence of your presence.
"I'm home..." Senku announced, closing the door behind him as he loosened his tie. Upon entering the living room, he immediately spotted you by the couch. The warm glow of the floor lamp was the only thing illuminating the room, but it was enough for Senku to see the scattered mess across the coffee table.
You, who were sorting through folders, looked over your shoulder with shock to see him. "Senku! You're home early?" Not waiting for a reply, you immediately picked up some documents laying on the couch, adding it to the pile on the coffee table instead. Tucking them away to make space for him to sit.
Senku was about to argue. One, that it wasn't an early time to be home and two, that you didn't need to bother. But he shut his mouth instead, sitting next to you, and compared to the time he'd usually go home- it was early.
"If I'd known, I would've cooked us dinner." You smile, discarding the folder to focus on him instead. "Oh! have you actually eaten dinner yet? If not, I can-"
He sighs, cutting you off. "I ate at the office, it's fine."
He leans into the couch, relaxing. You copy him, "Alright, that's good..." You let out a satisfied hum.
What once would've warmed his heart with appreciation for your understanding nature, now tugs his heartstrings.
It slips into his mind again, he'd forgotten about it briefly on the commute home. But it's here again. There was this doubt that it shouldn't be like this. Then again though, it's not like it was actually something to complain about. Other people would probably die to have a partner that wouldn't complain even if they always get home from work late, even if they always missed dinner, or go on work trips without asking for permission first.
He sighed and ran his hand through his scalp. Of course, it doesn't escape you.
"Was work extra tough today?" He turns to look at you, only to find the gentlest eyes paired with the warmest of smiles. The look of love he's ever so familiar with, you never looked at him with anything else but love in your eyes, and it made his chest feel tight.
You didn't push him for an answer, recognizing the look of distraction on him. His mind was always running. "I'll get us something to drink." You stand up, heading to their kitchen. And Senku was left with his thoughts. Again.
Well, he came home with a concept of a plan. Talk to you about what he was feeling. Because he had never struggled to voice out what he felt, ever.
Lies, of course. For someone who is always telling other people to just verbalize what's on their mind, Senku certainly struggles when it was his turn. It was inefficient, and the heavy feeling on his tongue was mocking him.
It reminded him why it took years to even admit he had romantic feelings for you. He can hear your soft humming coming from the kitchen and it reminds him of how long you've actually been together. From quietly working together in the school's science club, to staying up during the late nights to finish college assignment and now living under the same roof.
Your relationship with Senku was never rocky, steady, in fact. You've always been together, always the other's constant and Senku had grown comfortable with that. But now there was this lingering thought that won't leave him.
He might've continued spiraling but the feeling of cold glass pressing on his cheek brought him out it, "Huh?"
"Something's on your mind, isn't it?" You ask him, handing him the glass of water while you sipped your own.
Senku puts off answering the question by drinking his own, but decides to speak up in the end. "...I got invited to join the mission."
You hum, "The one you were working on? Mhm, that sounds great."
Right, see? What Taiju said, it was unfairly making his stomach sick. Got him thinking about "normals," something he hadn't done since he was in middle school and wondering if there was something wrong with him when he struggled to feel romantic attraction towards other people. Something that seemed to come so naturally towards his peers.
But, he thought for sure things were surely different now. Senku got comfortable with that. How can he not? It came so easy with you.
You had accepted his entirety without struggle, and with welcoming arms instead. When Senku had first mentioned to you about his struggle with intimacy, you didn't even have a hint of surprise on your face.
Throughout your relationship with him, you never asked for more than what he gave. But what has he given you? The guilty feeling that he’s been lacking is what weighs him down, Taiju only made him remember it was there.
Senku eyes you sitting next to him, rubbing your eyes as you look over some documents. So normal couples even bother asking to go away on business trips? Well, a space mission isn’t a typical business trip but… semantics.
If Senku had missed the note on that, what else had he missed out on that the average conventional couple did?
“Are you…” Senku starts, licking his lips. “Are you okay with that?” His hands wetter from sweat than the condensation from the glass of water.
You look at him weirdly, “What.” You chuckled. “Well, yes..? Why wouldn't I be?”
He wasn’t nervous about the possibility of you not being okay with it, in fact he doubted it was even a possibility at all– and you had just confirmed that.
“You never usually ask anyways?”
Senku placed the cup on an empty spot on the table. “I hear it’s what other people do.” He spoke, slower, words feeling a little heavier than they usually do. “…ask for their partner’s opinion.” He clarifies.
You hum absentmindedly, “Doesn't mean we have to, it’s fine. Why would I ever want to hold you back from what you enjoy?”
Those comforting words send Senku spiraling once more, why did you immediately go to assure him? It felt wrong to him. He wasn’t the one who needed it, he should be the one comforting you instead. Tell you that it was okay to hold him back, to selfishly ask for his company instead of going some place else. Instead, he was being comforted for his own shortcoming.
“No…” He stands up and sighs. “You don’t hold me back.” He affirms. “If anything, don’t you think I'm the one who holds you back?”
In a softer voice, “Senku…” You called. “Where is this coming from?”
Senku runs a hand through his hair. “You can ask me to stay with you.”
“I don’t understand…” You shake your head, “Do you not want to go?”
He wasn’t stupid, he knew there was probably a better way to get what he meant across but right now… the words hung heavy and Senku couldn’t find strength to reach them.
“No, I- I do…” he stammers out. “I'm just asking what you- you…” he pauses, trying to catch his breath. “You're just okay with this?”
You stand, brows furrowed and concern plastered on your face. “Yes?” You let out a sigh. “C’mon Sen, what is it really?”
Senku wills himself to calm down, the beating of his heart slowing down. “Taiju… that oaf, mentioned something about talking to your partners and it- it just got me thinking about you.”
Have I not before? He thought. Why was this the first time I had thought to ask first?
His eyes drift down, no longer looking at who was standing in front of him… in shame? Embarrassment?
“Asking your partner before agreeing to business trips?? I didn't even know about that. What else do I not know?”
His voice, now full of frustration, was getting louder. “Just how much have I actually been holding you back? Dates, romantic evenings, affection… don't you want it? Why don't you ask me for it?”
For a second, You don’t say anything. His outburst probably caught you off guard. “I… because…” You start.
He doesn't see it but, You were looking at him so tenderly. “I never minded it. I mean, asking for those kinds of stuff, they would just get in the way right? And… science has always been your priority, something I never really wanted to get in between of.”
Get in the way? No…
Despite having a drink of water not long ago, his throat felt strangely dry. “No, that’s… you can tell me. I wouldn’t choose science over y-“
“You don’t have to say stuff like that.” You take a step forward towards him, entering his field of vision once more. “I'm more than happy just being with you.”
Senku shakes his head in disagreement, placing his hands on your shoulder. “No, let me… hold me accountable if I’m not enough.” Desperation was obvious in his voice as it trembled, why was this harder than rebuilding humanity from scratch?
He opened his mouth to speak but you had beaten him to it. “Sen, I have always loved you for who you are. I never needed you to change.”
“It's always been fine if I came second, or if there were things I couldn't have. As long as it meant I could stay by your side.”
Senku’s hands, that found their place on your shoulders, fell to his side. He pulled away, took a step back and averted his gaze. He felt like he was about to collapse any second now. “You're wrong…” He whispered, finding his own voice too weak. “I can-“
…
He couldn't even find the words. How could he convince you when he couldn't even convince himself? Maybe you were right. Maybe it was foolish to even think otherwise, maybe it would’ve been better to just brush it off and think nothing of it, to just keep going with the way things were.
“Sen, I love you. Its okay, really, don't need anything else.”
But as Senku’s eyes find the ever gentle smile on your face, he just couldn't give up, couldn't just let it end there, and he’d have to be maimed before he would even consider backing down.
It was late into the night now. A couple of hours had passed since the… argument? Disagreement? Could it even be called that? Regardless, Senku’s mind was a little clearer now. That isn't to say his frustrations had disappeared though, no, if anything it was stronger now. If Senku had to describe it, it would be like the frustration that came with trying to solve an equation when all the principles weren’t given, leaving him to find it on his own.
He was leaning on the kitchen counter, pondering by himself with only the warm kitchen lights to accompany him. You had already gone to bed, no doubt that the unexpected outburst he threw at you had worn you out. Ironic, as it was the same thing that was currently keeping him wide awake now.
The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't accept it. Though he also knew that denying the facts is just being stubborn. It was true that science has always been what he put, it was true that no matter how much time would pass, Senku would probably always struggle with feelings and affection. But what wasn't true was that there was nothing he could do about it.
It was on Senku’s third attempt that he managed to launch a rocket beyond the earth’s atmosphere, each one taking a grueling amount of patience, research and care. He was going to be damned if he was going to be defeated by his inexperience with romance. It was time to do things his way, because he’d rather fail in his attempts for hundreds of times than potentially lose something good, the one thing that kept him anchored.
With a fire in Senku’s eyes, one that usually only showed when he got his hands on a new discovery, he would look at you soon enough, brand his usual cocky smirk that tells you he knows something you don't and show you just how much he can achieve for you. He clenched his fists, he was going to prove he deserved to let you stay.