Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Your high pitched scream makes the party stop in their tracks, moments away from entering the forest. Supposedly, there is a curse in these woods that has caused time to stand still and you’ve come here to investigate it.

You can’t stop laughing.

“Madame Odile!” you beam, waving at her. She stares at you, confused and frankly a little taken aback. You wink at her and laugh. “Let’s talk!! We should talk! Let’s have a long chat- over there- away from that blinding forest!”

She hesitates and you keep being adorable until she makes up her mind and approaches you. You don’t give her the opportunity to offer you her hand, instead leading her back to the clearing with the flower field where you all ate food and laughed minutes ago.

The two of you sit down and you try to breathe. It takes a while for you to stop shaking but eventually you manage. You need to be calm to play this role. You chose this. You can do this.

You look up at her and beam.

“Pick a number between one and one million!”

“You’re looping again.”

“Is your number…” and you pause for dramatic effect. “four thousand and seventeen??”

“How many times?”

“We’ve talked twice now,” you chirp. “and it took me around four hours to convince you to tell me a number, which was lame of you.”

“Is Siffrin looping as well?”

“Nope! And let’s not tell them because last time was extremely embarrassing,” you say and she looks unimpressed.

“Not telling people is what got you into this mess in the first place.”

“Funny story! You said the same thing last time and I caved and we told all the others and Siffrin had a huge meltdown about it and it was embarrassing and you’ll never guess what happened after that!”

“You still looped.”

“Ding ding ding ding!!” you cheer. “Everyone was all teary eyed and gross, on my behalf, and it took hours to calm them down and by the end of it you said: And if this doesn’t work, Loop, the number I would pick would be four thousand seventeen.”

“Where does the loop start and where does it end?”

“It starts when we first see the time freeze and by the time we enter, I’m back here again.”

“This is a very short loop, then,” she says and you try not to have a reaction to that.

“Give or take ten minutes, darling!”

“And if we leave without entering the time freeze?” she asks and you blink.

It… worked? You… convinced her?

…

Tears prickle at your eyes. Is it over? Can you lead them away now? Away from danger, away from the traps? Like you used to?

You sigh but it comes out a little shaky.

You feel dizzy.

You hesitantly reach out to her and she takes your hand. You breathe, trying to focus on her steady presence rather than the sway of the flowers around you. The sun warms your skin. The frozen leaves fail to rustle in the wind.

You open your eyes and she meets your gaze.

There’s something like pity in her eyes but she doesn’t say anything. She did, last loop. She gave you a miserable smile and remarked on how awful it must be to loop with a fever. It’s not craft exhaustion… You were just stupid. You’ve been dreading this adventure. Traveling with this party has been difficult for you but you could handle it, since there was no fighting and no danger!

As soon as you began encountering Sadnesses again, you froze. You got pretty shaky and you stopped talking to people and you went along with your party because, stars above, what if something happened to them- but you largely stopped interacting with any of them but Stardust.

So long as Stardust was with you, at least it meant you weren’t stuck in YOUR time loop- and nothing could be worse than that!

…

Everyone was already worried for you but then you stopped sleeping and turns out your light dims quite a bit when you sleep, which was interesting to find out but impossible to fake and then you started flickering a little, whenever you got dizzy, and that was somehow even more obvious!

You’ve… never really learnt to ask for help. And at least that time, you didn’t have to.

For once, they all helped you.

They helped by putting you on snack duty! Yes, you were supposed to be on snack duty with Bonnie~

You were unreasonably excited to be on snack duty. You were going to be cheering and hollering from the side-lines, being by and large useless just like you normally are~! Maybe you could have stolen a few kills or had Bonnie do it for you. You were really looking forward to being a bad influence on the kid. You were… practicing breathing, so that maybe you could be a bit more emotionally stable around them.

And now you’re… a mess.

Odile places a hand on your shoulder and you tense a little at the contact. She feels at your neck with the back of her hand and you shy away from her touch. Your fever is fine! You’re fine!!

“You’re a little too warm… and it’s a long way back,” she says, like last time, but then she gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “If you pass out, we’ll revive you. Or have Isabeau carry you.”

You fight the urge to collapse in relief.

Odile is very vague when she talks to the party. She doesn’t give details, she just gathers the kids and tells them it’s time to go home. That it’s very important you all go back to the Inn you were at this morning. It doesn’t matter if you’ll get awkward questions or odd looks- you just need to leave. Right. Now.

Yay~!

There’s a pep in your step as you walk away from that stupid, terrible, no-good forest with all your friends in toe! Everyone is alive! Nobody even “experimented” and got frozen in time FOREVER!

Odile walks by your side and the two of you do a great job at ignoring the tension that looms over the rest of your party.

This will work.

It’ll be fine.

Soon everything will be back to normal and you’ll be able to relax again and laugh about how silly Stardust was to be so freaked out about all this.

“So…” Isabeau says, fidgeting with his collar. “What… exactly is going on?”

“Loop noticed something about the forest,” Odile says. “You heard them scream, didn’t you?”

“Well, yes,” he says, uncertain. “Do you think it’s that dangerous, Madame Odile?”

“Would I be taking you back, if I didn’t?”

“Well, sure but…” he says before trailing off, looking at you.

Wow, he’s really not even hiding the fact that he doesn’t trust your judgment. It’s a little admirable, in a way. He’s bold when he needs to be. He’s bold when there are lives at stake. At least two people were in the forest when the king froze it the first time and it never thawed. He wants to save them. It’s kind of heroic, in a lemur running of a cliff kind of way.

It does make you want to scream a little bit but that’s because you’re going crazy, nothing with him.

“Maybe we could study it,” he suggests and you scream.

“NO!!” you yell and he holds his hands up.

“I just- I mean, maybe one of us could enter and then Mirabelle could-“

You stare at him, your right eye twitching, and some part of your brain does the math on how much you really like him. Sometimes, in life, punching someone in the face is the correct answer and- ladies and gentlemen- we have the math results back already and they are looking pretty good for punching!!!!

“Isabeau,” Odile interrupts. “I’d rather do a bit more research first. Last time we did anything like this, Mira didn’t even know how to shield us.”

“Well, that’s true,” he admits. “But we’ve already defeated the king, right? How much harder could this be? I mean, it’s just a little bitty curse.”

“It’s still a curse. It’s still dangerous.”

They talk and they talk and they talk and they-

“Loop,” Stardust speaks up and you flinch. “What did you see?”

“Siffrin,” Odile says, stepping between the two of you. “They’re stressed. Give them some time and I’m sure they’ll tell you.”

“But why wouldn’t they tell me immediately? Why did they talk to you about it? They haven’t talked to any of you since we began travelling here,” they say and then, with complete nonchalance they add: “They’ve just been stressing about how we’re all going to die.”

“This again,” you whisper, through clenched teeth.

“You’re running a fever, Loop,” they say, deadpan. “If you need to lie down, we can do that here and then Isabeau and I can investigate the forest and-“

Some part of you does the math and NOPE!

The conversation rewinds to when Isabeau first opened his mouth and you grit your teeth, reeling from the aftermath of using Time Craft with a fever.

“So…” Isabeau says, fidgeting with his collar, and you manage to breathe through a wave of dizziness. You feel weak and cold but you’re fine. You’re fine. “What… exactly is going on?”

Odile opens her mouth and you touch her arm gently before she can say anything.

“Need I remind you of four thousand and seventeen?” you ask and, oh, you didn’t have to look to feel the way Stardust just flinched.

“Loop?” they ask and you give them an easy smile.

“Odile and I have this handled, Stardust~ Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it!”

“Are- Are you…?”

“Sure thing, Stardust ~! Now stop asking me about it or I’m going to loose it~!”

You turn your back to them and try your best to ignore the sounds of them beginning to panic. Isabeau and Mirabelle can calm them down. You know they can. You need to pace yourself. You can’t coddle them every time without resenting them for needing you so much.

Siffrin makes a small chocked sound and you slow down, which gets the entire party to come to a halt. They’re crying. You made them cry.

You can’t help it. You’ve done this four times already but you can’t help it.

“Oh, Stardust,” you whisper, taking them into your arms, lifting them up and giving them a small twirl. “You-Don’t-Get-To- Cry Over Me!” you say before putting them down. You keep your hands on their shoulder, your hold firm as you try and keep from swaying. You try to play it off as a sincere and intimate moment. “You’re fine, Stardust. It’s just me. It’s a me-problem, okay? You’re safe! You’re completely fine! I’m going to make sure of that, okay?”

“But you’re not fine,” they claim, putting a hand over yours. Ew. “Nothing is fine. It’s- It’s all happening again.”

“Well, not to you it isn’t~!”

“Loop!”

“Stardust~!”

“Loop, I’m serious, you-“

“Oh, hush, if I wasn’t looping-“ and you stop yourself. “Maybe it’s a good thing! Just like last time. Some of us need an encore to get through a boulder puzzle, right?”

“What…? Were we… We were going to die?”

“See, I would explain but this is the fourth time we’re having this conversation,” you say and they wipe at their eyes, realizing the degree to which they’ve inconvenienced you. If you had the energy, you would tell them its fine and reassure them.

You don’t and for some reason that makes them hug you in public- EW – and they whisper in your ear and you find yourself zoning out completely. They talk about how there is always a way to break free, bla bla, something something they’re here for you if you need to talk- what a joke- as if you don’t know already that they can’t listen to you without crying. They let go of you and Isabeau gives them a hug and Mirabelle joins in and Bonnie joins in and they talk and they talk and they talk and you feel…

They stop talking.

“Great!” you say, clapping your hands together, and they grimace. Stardust grimaces. You try not to think about it. “Alright! Let’s get going already~”

You walk ahead and stumble, barely catching yourself on Odile, who seems a little taken aback. You let go of her and chuckle.

“Sorry, ma’am! I- I’m fine! I’m totally fine, actually.”

You’re swaying.

You feel dizzy.

You feel really dizzy, actually.

Maybe… you zoned out a little too much? It’s probably just that. Stardust grabs a hold of your arm and you resist the urge to push them away.

“Stardust, I don’t need more empty promises.”

“Loop, sit down,” they say, seriously, as though they have some kind of authority over you. As though, somehow, they think you’ve forgotten that they looked Odile in the eyes and told her you’re feverish and PTSD riddled, just like they do EVERY LOOP!

“You know, Stardust, if I killed you now, I think I’d just loop back.”

“Sit down, will you?”

“I refuse.”

“Breathe with me?”

“Absolutely not!”

“You look exhausted.”

“And whose fault?? Might that be???”

“I’m sorry,” they say and you tap your foot.

You’re plenty far from the forest but… but you don’t know what caused you to loop back last time. Then again, it was probably Siffrin sleep walking straight into it. Or rolling slightly to the left in their sleep. You set up camp so close to that blinding forest, it was bound to happen!

And whose idea was that?! Not yours! You don’t even remember who it was! Ugh…

You sit down and Stardust sits down and you collapse.

By the time you blearily pry open your eyes, your group is moving through a big field of wildflowers. In the distance, you hear the sound of leaves rustling. The sun is quite a bit lower on the horizon and you’re…

You’re in Isabeau’s arms.

Stars…

“Wrong Siffrin,” you murmur and he laughs. You can feel the laughter in his chest and you feel… reassured by that, actually. It’s so cold and you’re shivering like a leaf and maybe if you snuggle up to him just a little bit more nobody will notice? He gives you another squeeze and, ah, yes, you didn’t account for the fact that he might notice, teehee!

You’re never going to live this down.

You don’t bother trying to protest or walk on your own or do anything more to embarrass yourself. So far, the best move has been to let Odile handle everything. You might as well add Isabeau to that list.

Stars, these loops are starting to get to you.

You breathe deeply and lean against Isabeau and close your eyes.

You listen to the crunch of dry dirt under Isabeau’s heels. He’s so steady on his feet but it’s not just that. The road is more worn in. You’re pretty close to civilization now.

…

Maybe you should try walking on your own but, stars, it’s so nice not to have to focus on keeping your balance~! Finally you can just kick back and let everyone else pick up the slack. It’ll be a bit embarrassing to have people staring at you but who cares! You’re exhausted.

It’s… a little hard to convince yourself to fall asleep or zone out. The cold is very uncomfortable but you’re pressed up against Isabeau quite snugly and you haven’t been held like this since last loop, which is very recent, but stars above it’s been a hellish eternity since then.

It’s not like anyone would notice, if you relished this a little, right? You feel like… You just feel like you need this, just a little bit, right now.

Stars, this loop has been DIFFICULT. And you really made it harder, for no reason, by using Time Craft. You’re not sure why you thought that was necessary but you just… did. It’s easy to panic when your allies start to confidently assert that they should all go into the death forest and that going into the death forest would be a very good idea.

It feels like they’ll just gang up on you again and, sure, you have proof now, but do you? Is one number really proof of anything? If there was a puzzle to solve or a key to find, you’d have more to offer but the loops are so short and you’ve had practically no time to think or breathe or hide away and cry.

“Hey Loop,” Isabeau whispers and you continue to pretend to be asleep. You haven’t moved a muscle, you’re pretty sure, and if you have, you were doing it in your sleep. “Did you know that in Ka Bue, the way you pronounce You are my family is really similar to four thousand and seventeen?”

You open your eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“I knew you were paying attention.”

“She really got me to say it, did she?”

“I’m afraid so,” he says, sagely, and you don’t have a comeback.

You feel… vaguely amused at the audacity. You came to her, in a moment of crisis, and she decided that, if you really were looping, she’d have you say something incredibly embarrassing.

Actually, you’re pretty sure she played a similar prank on Bonnie, convincing them that I love you was a swear word.

…

Does this make you as dumb as Bonnie? No, wait, doesn’t it… kind of make you dumber?

You pull a face, trying to decipher if you’re actually stupid or not, but it’s a little difficult with the fever melting your brain. Ugh, this is all so utterly humiliating. Why are they all so mean to you? You’re just trying to save their life! Come on!!

“I mean, it doesn’t count, right?” Isabeau says, throwing you a lifeline. “Because you didn’t know what it meant.”

“Hmmm. Nope! No, I’m pretty sure it counts!”

“She’s won the battle but not the war.”

“I’ve never won any kind of war, I don’t think.”

“But you’ve won a lot of battles!”

“That makes me a murderer and a loser!” you point out but you can tell by the smile on his face that you’re not fooling him. You’ve been successfully cheered up and there’s nothing you can do about it. “How did you know I was listening?”

“Oh. I didn’t,” he tells you. “You’ve woken up a few times and I’ve just been saying that as a way of gauging if you’re actually coherent or not.”

You nod, understandingly.

At the beginning, when Siffrin looped, they got to kind of… look cool? And say funny things. And make people happy. Now, you get to loop and do exactly none of those other things. You’re not sure if you’ve ever been less cool in your life.

Isa gives you a small squeeze.

“We’re almost there,” he tells you and you look around and feel yourself sparkling.

The paved roads!! The smell of freshly baked bread!!! The confused stares from bystanders as you pass them by!!!!! It shouldn’t have gotten a reaction out of you, given how wretched you feel but, oh~ You’ve really missed this!

When you get to the Inn, Odile does the talking and Isa helps you stand on your own two feet, which goes poorly. You didn’t really anticipate it being this difficult but being upright makes your head spin and your legs refuse to carry you, which is a little alarming.

Even the effort of trying to stand is making you breathe heavily, which is utterly-

“I could try healing you,” Mirabelle offers, looking at you helplessly. “but that didn’t really work when you passed out either.”

Oh?

“You tried healing me?”

“Of course we did!” Isa tells you before scooping you up into his arms. You yelp and cling to him and quickly stop clinging to him and hide your face behind your hands. He’s on your blind side, you didn’t see him, of course he startled you! “I assumed you were still coherent for some of it, though. You did grumble about it at the time.”

“Do you remember falling over?” comes a voice from below. It’s Bonnie. They look delighted to be telling you about this, as if you weren’t there for that part.

“I feel over??” you ask and you can feel Isa laughing.

“Yeah, stupid! You told Frin you were fine and you got all huffy about it and then they got you to sit down and you immediately fell over and it was so funny.”

You’re not smiling. You are but you wish you weren’t. “That’s so embarrassing~!”

“No, it gets even better!”

“Oh, do tell!”

“Odile tried pouring some Crafter Water on you and it did nothing, so Frin told us that maybe you’re just down for good because you used Time Craft- which means you looped back just to fall on your face!”

You laugh and they laugh but nobody else is laughing.

“That was my plan, all along,” you muse, wiping at your eyes. You turn to Isa. “You’re supposed to use it on my head, by the way.”

“Oh!” Odile says, handing Mirabelle her room keys. “I thought- I was worried you might go out.”

“I don’t die, when I go out.”

“You can go out?” Bonnie asks and you laugh awkwardly.

“Nooooo. That would be so scary!! I was kidding, of course,” you say. “But seriously, it’s fine. Do it slowly and I won’t go out. So! What did you do next ~? Did Isa complain about having to carry me?”

“Loop, I would never!”

You laugh.

Stars, this is embarrassing. You really didn’t mean to faint on them. You extra didn’t mean to faint on them without the means of getting you back up! You need to talk to them more often about… about how you even work.

Isa stars carrying you to your room and Bonnie talks to you about something but you find yourself wondering where your Stardust is. They were with Odile, while you were being carried and they came into the Inn but now you don’t see them anywhere. It doesn’t help that Isa is blocking your view.

“Where’s Stardust?” you ask, as he puts you down on your bed. The two of you look behind him but there’s nobody there.

“Oh, gems,” Odile whispers. “I’ll ask around. Isa, make sure Loop stays in bed.”

“Yes, m’dame!” he says before turning to look at you. “Don’t worry! If they were dying, you’d be looping back, so they’re probably fine."

That’s… very reassuring, actually.

You try to get comfortable in bed and try not to think about- about why Stardust might have left. Stars, was it something you said? Of course it was something you said.

Ugh, you don’t even remember what you’ve been saying. Your head feels so cloudy and now that you’re not being held, it’s so blinding cold!

Isa sits down at the edge of your bed and you curl up around his warmth.

Stars, you’re exhausted.

Chapter Text

You open your eyes and watch as your light expands, pushing back against the darkness.

There’s a bitter taste at the back of your throat and something wet is sizzling away at your forehead. You sit up and the cloth falls away. The room smells of… flowers. You were half expecting to still be near that forest but you’re not.

You’re in a dark room, with moonlight seeping in through the open balcony door. The curtains gently sway in the wind. It’s a little cold but surprisingly, you’re not freezing anymore.

Hm. Those flowers… They were medicinal, weren’t they? You remember Isabeau saying something like that, before you started looping. It feels like that was an eternity ago.

Your eyes start adjusting to the darkness. Isabeau is asleep, in the next bed over. You think Odile is on the balcony. Stardust…? Where is your Stardust? Did she find them?

“It can’t be helped,” Odile murmurs into the dark. She’s leaning against the railing, a small elegant glass in her hand. “What could you even say, that wouldn’t become annoying?”

“But I started crying,” Stardust’s voice answers. They sound like they’re trying not to sound too upset. “I started crying like an idiot.”

Odile doesn’t say anything.

“Stars, I started crying like the Head Housemaiden,” they continue. “Asking them to tell me that everything’s going to be fine. I never realized how easy it is to be such a crybaby, in these loops. It’s one lapse of judgment and suddenly you’re stuck like that forever. That’s all I am now, isn’t it? I’m the one who cries.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Well, sure, but what does it matter? I just… I have no idea how to help them.”

“You can’t,” she tells them and they sigh. “They have to ask for it.”

“Why did they ask you? What did you do that I didn’t?”

“Does it matter?”

“It matters to me! I… Ugh, it’s just… The way they looked at me…” they whisper. “Like they were so exhausted. Like they had heard it all before. It was like talking to a wall. Like I had nothing worth saying.”

…

There is a lull in the conversation and you stop mid-sneak. You’re not sure when you got out of bed but you’re almost within striking distance now. Odile holds up her glass and you see your reflection shining back at you. It’s now or never.

“Stardust~!” you beam and they yelp, flailing helplessly as you hug them.

“Loop???!!!” they ask and stop struggling, allowing you to handle them like they’re your long lost pet. You’ve missed them, you’ve missed them, you’ve been so worried- but you try to play it off as you being a little silly. You can’t quite convince yourself to let go of them… but they don’t seem too disgusted with you, so it’s probably fine. “Are you feeling any better?”

“No!” you chirp and they seem to relax further. “How dare you be sad with somebody else instead of me? Don’t you know that I love you?”

“I meant the fever.”

“Oh, right, the fever. It’s… better…? I think? No thanks to you, leaving like that!”

“I was the one who got you that medication, actually,” they say and you blink.

They didn’t leave… because of you? They… They left after you admitted you could ingest things. They heard you say that and they immediately left to go grab something to help you. You’re… not sure if you deserve that. You’re not sure how you feel.

They pat your arms and you quickly let go of them and look to Odile for some kind of distraction.

“So,” you purr, leaning against the railing. “Four thousand and seventeen- am I pronouncing that correctly?”

She smiles and shakes her head. “Not even a little bit.”

“It took you four hours to come up with that?”

“It’s pronounced For-Too-Sand-Sven-Teen.”

You repeat it back to her and she seems a little surprised.

“Yes, that’s… that’s about right,” she says and you feel pretty good about yourself. Bonnie never doubled down on I love you, did they? One of these loops, that phrase is going to make you look super cool, you can feel it. Unless…

“That’s not secretly a curse word, is it?” you ask and Odile’s vaguely bemused expression doesn’t change. It’s not, right? She wouldn’t tell the entire party it means one thing, only for it to mean something else, right? Right??

“For Too Sand Sven Teen,” she says, looking right at you. It feels like she’s telling you off… but you’re not sure. You feel as though she’s never going to help you feel cool, ever, unless you somehow manage to learn her entire language by yourself. “You’re glowing.”

You turn to Stardust and gesture at the problem.

“Stardust, every time I ask for help, your friends make fun of me.”

“Sven Teen,” she corrects you, proving your point, and Stardust burst out laughing. It’s… a relief. You feel like you can breathe again. Stars, it’s nice hearing them laugh. You feel a little bit like you’re rotting from the inside out but maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe they still love you.

You lean on the railing, your legs almost touching the bushes peeking through the metal bars.

A ground floor balcony. It’s small and a little cramped but you don’t mind it. It feels… cosy. You feel… exhausted. It’s very late and the moonlight streets are empty and quiet. None of the shops or houses have any lights on. It’s just you and the moon and the stars, illuminating this sleeping world.
In the distance, you can see a large lake, surrounded by those flower fields. If you squint, you can see a tiny ship on the horizon with its lights on.

Huh.

What are they doing? Fishing? Maybe, if you jumped into the water as soon as you got here and kept swimming, you could climb aboard that ship and scare everybody half to death! You could pretend you were a shooting star or… or an angler fish or something.

…

You desperately want to linger but you feel like you’re intruding.

Odile and Stardust were having a moment, after all.

“Last loop,” you say, trying to be conversational. “I didn’t even get to watch the sun rise. It was so disappointing! Mind if I stay here and wait?”

“Oh. Let me get you a chair,” Odile says and you let yourself relax.  She puts her glass on the railing and you look at it. You assumed it was water… but it’s not, is it? Stardust takes the glass and pulls it over to their side, hiding it from you. You look at each other and form an unspoken pact.

Not until after the loops.

“I’d hate to associate it with this,” you whisper.

“I’d hate to leave you with Mirabelle, when Odile and I go drinking to celebrate,” they tell you.

“Celebrate what?”

“The end of your loops, of course,” Odile chimes in, carrying three chairs. You and Stardust quickly help her. The balcony is even more cramped with the chairs! Yours is the one in the middle, which gives you a great view of the bushes that push into the railing!

You feel so hidden~! They’re just tall enough to hide you! From afar, you must look like light seeping through the leaves. Like a candle.

“I thought we might go gave a drink, after all this,” Odile continues, climbing over the back of her chair and sitting down with a huff. “Feels like we all need it.”

Stardust agrees and you mull the thought over. You hadn’t actually thought about what you might do after the loops. Aside from, well…

“I think I might want some time alone, once this is all done,” you admit. “I know how that sounds but… I don’t actually enjoy being drowned in affection. That’s why I found sleeping under the Favour Tree so restful. Everything has been so hectic lately. I’ve barely had time to just… breathe.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?” Stardust asks and you feel yourself glowing brighter.

Sitting in silence with Stardust, why, that was your favourite part of that last loop. You just got to stare at the stars while the fever ate you alive.

“I think I’d like that,” you say and both of them seem to relax. Were they worried?

“That’s good,” Stardust says.

“Then we’ll hold off on celebrating until you feel more like yourself,” Odile says and you coo. “But that reminds me… You mentioned something about everyone being very gross, last loop.”

“Oh. Yes,” you say and chuckle. “No offence, but ewwwww! Group hugs! Gross!!”

“And that happened because you told everyone?”

“You told everyone,” you correct her. “It wasn’t my idea.”

“That’s not what we should be focusing on,” she deflects and you frown. “We didn’t go into the forest, did we?”

“We did not.”

“Then why didn’t the loops end?” she asks you fold your arms. Why is she asking you this?

“Maybe I didn’t believe in friendship enough.”

“Normally, I would agree,” she says. “But that wasn’t your wish, was it? You wished to help Siffrin. If they were fine, why did you loop?”

The balcony feels a little claustrophobic, all of a sudden. You want to change the subject. You want to make a joke… But you don’t. As much as you hate thinking about what happened, Odile wouldn’t be bringing this up if she didn’t think it was important. Stars, you know it’s important. But it was so much easier talking about this stuff, back when you could pretend it was only happening to Stardust.

“Why didn’t it?” you ask and laugh awkwardly. Stardust nudges you and offers their hand. Oh. Well, if they’re offering. You take your hand and you try and breathe. In and out. You’re not alone. It makes thinking a little bit easier. It makes remembering almost bearable.

“What happened?” Stardust asks.

“We told everyone,” you murmur. “And… And you said I was probably having flashbacks. And then…”

It’s hard to remember.

You’re pretty sure you were screaming. Something happened… and then everyone was treating you a little more gently, all of a sudden. Stardust even cuddled with you, while you were burritoed in your sleeping matt. They forgave you.

“We set up camp… very close to the forest. It wasn’t that late but I felt… I was… I don’t remember. I knew I was going to be looping again.”

“How come?”

“None of you believed me. No, no, Odile believed me but without that number… she didn’t have any solid evidence to convince anyone else. We were going to go into the forest first thing the next day. I was just prolonging the inevitable.”

Stardust is deathly quiet besides you and you give their hand a little squeeze which earns you a faint smile. You’re both terrible, awful people, teehee~ You take a deep breathe. They’re fine. You should be fine too. You’re fine.

“It was… It was progress,” you continue. “But I was pretty twitchy at the time. The loops had been so short. I couldn’t think at all. Something was always happening. The same things were always happening. But then we set up camp and suddenly I had some time to breathe. And as soon as I had a moment to breathe, you all came together and- and created a cuddle pile, or something, and cried and it was disgusting. And then I looped.”

“Do you think you died?” Odile asks and you blink at her.

“From cringing?”

“From the fever,” she says and you stare at her. “Your fever was very high, before Siffrin brought you that medication. And we didn’t know how to give you Crafted Water. If your light looked like it was going out, I doubt we would have poured it onto your head. Is it possible that you died in your sleep?”

You try to think about it and fail. You don’t know what she’s telling you.

“What?”

“I think it’s possible,” she tells you. “Which would mean that there’s at least a chance that you won’t loop, now that you’re fever is a little better.”

“What?” you ask. Stardust lets go of your hand.

“That’s a good point!” they claim, enthusiastically.

You… died?

You died? Your stupid stress induced fever killed you?! You didn’t even realize that was possible. You didn’t tell anyone how to help you drink tonics… and so, they didn’t know how to help you in an emergency. That’s… You’re not sure how to feel about that.

“But…” you say. “My wish was… to be helped. To help Stardust. Stardust wasn’t hurt.”

“But if you died, you couldn’t help them anymore,” Odile points out and you gasp.

“That’s a good point!” you say and Stardust squints at you.

“I think it’s possible that, if you don’t loop before sunrise, you’re done with the loops for now.”

You can feel yourself sparkling. You’re so close. This- This could be the one! You’re almost done already! Stars, your friends were right! This is so much easier, when you talk to them!!

Wait…

“For now…?”

“Well,” she says and grimaces. “You looped because we died.”

“Which means,” Stardust continued. “if we die again… you’ll loop again.”

Huh.

“Well,” you say, looking at Odile. “So long as I don’t have to convince you all again.”

“I’ll talk to everyone in the morning. Clearly you’re still capable of looping. We have to keep that in mind, for the future.”

“I would appreciate that,” you say before turning to Stardust. “That means, we won’t have to…”

Their seat is empty.

You look behind you and they’re talking to a groggy looking Isabeau. They’re shaking.

Oh.

They… didn’t tell you. They began panicking and they… they didn’t bother you with it.

They didn’t trust you to be there for them.

“There was something else I wanted to talk about,” Odile tells you and you reluctantly pry your eyes away from your Stardust. “In case the loops don’t end.”

Oh. Oh, it’s happening.

You try to get your mind to focus. You’ve clearly won and she’s giving you a second number- which is a normal thing to want. “If this doesn’t work out, do you think you could talk to me again?”

Oh. Hah!

“Girl,” you tell her, sincerely. “I’m planning on it.”

“No, no, not like that.”

She stands up to stretch her legs and leans on the railing. You follow suit, looking towards the lake.

Odile is quiet for a long moment. She takes her half empty glass, from where Stardust left it on the railing, and holds it up, idly watching the way your light fractures through the glass.

“I don’t remember being trapped in Siffrin’s loops,” she says. “I just went about my day and they acted strangely and then it was over. I didn’t feel like I was a part of it.”

Oh. Hm.

“You are now,” you say, trying to be supportive. She’s clearly having a moment but you’re not exactly in the correct mind space.

“I suppose so…” she says and sighs. “Could I ask you for a favour?”

“Please, no hugging~!”

“If you loop again and you need to blow off some steam, tell me bu sefer. It means this time.”

You blink. Is she… What exactly is she asking of you?

“I’ve always been… out of the loop, I guess,” she says and shrugs. “I suppose I wouldn’t remember it… but still. It would be fun to just… know I did it, at some point.”

“Did… what?” you ask and she hucks her empty glass onto the road, shattering it.

Stars above.

“If the universe is putting my family through hell, I’d like to abuse its precious Time Craft,” she says. “I know it’s pointless. I know it’s unproductive but I despise the idea of you being stuck in time for who knows how long, with the stupid expectation that you’ll never break anything.”

She takes a deep breath. Her hands are shaking. She relaxes her shoulders and glances your way.

“If you’re stuck and I’m stuck with you, I want us to raise hell together.”

You feel yourself glowing. She looks away.

“Of course, you don’t have to. I just thought I’d ask.”

You fumble, trying to find the words.

What did you do… to get to this point? What are the steps??? You took???? To get her to agree to do something like THAT?????? Are you…? Are you friends now?? Is this what being friends with Odile means??

“I- I- Yes! Yes, ma’am!” you beam, trying not to sound too enthusiastic about the idea.

She gives you a contended smile and doesn’t say anything and you barely resist the urge to squeal in joy. Oh!! Yes!!! A girls night with Odile! Stars, what would that be like?? You have no idea!! You hardly ever did anything fun in your loops- but if she was with you and felt equally unhinged about the entire thing then you could do almost anything!

You look at the horizon and smile.

You almost don’t want the loops to end! Then again, this would be so much more fun, if you didn’t have to fight Siffrin. Oh, you can’t wait until your life falls apart again! Oh, the things you could do~!

You’re not sure how many hours pass. It’s a long night but you don’t want to go to sleep. You’re pretty sure you won’t loop again but you want to savour the peace while it lasts.

At some point, Odile pours some more medicine on your head and it… helps. Though it does make you sleepy. Very sleepy.

And then, you see light on the horizon. The sun glistens across the lake and paints the sky white and grey and you stare at it, gripping the railing like you’re afraid the moment will be ripped away from you at any second.

The memories you made this loop… are yours.

They’re yours, they’re you’re, they’re yours- they were NOT ripped away from your clutches by some unfeeling universe! And now you’re free. You’re free to cry and scream and have people remembering how much your insides ached the day before.

Your pain is real now.

You sob miserably into the bushes below.

Ugh, why is nobody cheering?? You turn around to see Odile has fallen asleep on her chair.

Stardust is dozing at Isabeau’s side. Has been for hours.

You close your eyes and let yourself weep just a little bit longer. It’s the sweetest victory you’ve ever known.

You feel…

Stars, you feel dizzy. Maybe… Maybe you’ve waited long enough. Maybe you’re sick and you’re exhausted and you need some rest. Stars, why did you use Time Craft? That was so stupid~! What were you thinking~!

You quietly pad your way to your bed and hesitate for a moment before pushing it up against the one Stardust and Isa are sharing. The noise causes Isa to stir a little and he blearily looks over Stardust, trying to decipher what you’re doing.

“Oh, amazing wonderful buff Isabeau~” you whisper, and he groans. “will you share this Siffrin with me?”

“It’s too early,” he mumbles, hiding behind Stardust to escape your blinding glow, and you snicker.

Stardust doesn’t mind it as you curl up beside them. They sleep like a rock. Good. Good… Everything is fine. You close your eyes and fall asleep.

Chapter Text

You sway and come to, breathing through a profound disorientation. The smell of flowers fills your lungs and you stand perfectly still and watch as you family walks into the abyss. You’re too stupid for this. You’re too emotional for this. You needed to be put aside with Bonnie- with a child- to even cope with the possibility of this happening.

Stardust looks back at you and frowns.

They step closer and disappear.

Oh. The lights have gone out. Distantly, you can hear the audience laughing.

Your simply wish was the build up to a cosmic joke. You wanted to stay with your friends and for that, you were mauled and killed and left to stew in a quiet agony for so long that you couldn’t even remember your lines anymore. Who were you, before all this? Why did you care for these people whose names you couldn’t bring yourself to remember?

And then... you met Stardust.

Happy. Laid back. Determined. Is that what you were like?

They remembered your lines. They stayed hopeful and calm. They beat the king. They beat him a million times more- perhaps to prove it wasn’t that hard- and then they broke free.

They freed both of you.

And it all happened so suddenly.

You spent an eternity stuck in a single point in time and suddenly it was Wednesday.

And nobody remembered a thing.

All your suffering, erased. Null.

Nobody even knew you existed. A perfect ending to a perfect joke.

What a relief.

Stardust was so happy. Everyone was so happy. You were free. Free to do anything, go anywhere. You thought it was over. That the two of you had won.

And then, one day, you looked them in the eyes as they repeated the same lines they had spoken moments ago. Moments before they walked into the forest and died.

And that was funny, in a way.

An encore!

Because you never believed in friendship, did you? No. No, that was them. THEY solved your timeloop. You never even beat the king. You never even earned your own happy ending. It was them. It was always them.

And now you’re alone.

All alone, trapped in time. Again.

And you think maybe you’re not very good at believing in friendship.

You pry open your eyes and groan, begrudgingly sitting up. Back to the stage. It wasn’t so bad, last time. Sure, you still feel as weak as you did the night before but that’s probably normal. You take a deep breath- you smell the flowers- and scream.

Except, of course, you don’t, because breathing in deeply makes you cough like an idiot.

Stardust is probably dead by now.

You swallow and wipe at your eyes and there’s a wall in front of you. You stare ahead, at the plain wall, and wonder if you’ve gone insane. You look around, at the small room, at the two empty, disheveled beds. You’ve been to this Inn before. You still remember that. But this wasn’t your room. In fact, this just looks like that room you were in, during your fifth loop.

You look beside you and startle when you spot Stardust, dozing on a chair, leaning far over the armrest and resting their head on a small nightstand. A tentative sigh of relief escapes you as you reach out to them. Their hair is so soft and you pet it gently, trying not to wake them. You can’t bring yourself to pull away.

They’re safe!!

Your perfect, wonderful, precious Stardust.

“Stop. Dying,” you mutter, ruffling their hair, and their silence is deafening. “You never listen to me. You never do as I say. You always think you’re so much smarter than me, just because I crack under any amount of pressure and start acting like a lunatic. It’s hard- you know that? It’s so hard to convince you. It’s so hard to keep you alive. Because you just… hate me. And you want to die. And I think that’s uncalled for.”

Your tears sizzle up as soon as they touch your face.

“It’s so cruel,” you hiss, breathlessly. “You just- You look at me and you tell me I’m crazy and then you walk directly off a cliff and you die. For no good reason! Do you ever stop to think that maybe that hurts my feelings?? Ugh, it’s so embarrassing! It’s so embarrassing that you keep making me cry like this!!”

You wipe at your eyes, trying to breathe, and find that your Stardust is still drooling onto the nightstand. Stars above, they sleep like a rock.

That’s fine. You’re glad you didn’t wake them.

It seems that maybe, just maybe, you’re not looping anymore and that means you are no longer allowed to be embarrassing or else Stardust will be worried about you more than they probably already are.

You take a deep breath. You need… You need a pen. The drawer in your nightstand squeaks as you open it but Stardust does not stir. Inside you find- yes, good, just like last time you stayed here.

You remember the first day after their loops finally stopped. Stardust kept expecting that tug. They kept expecting to wake up in the field. And you… You were-

“Don’t give them pineapple! Are you trying to kill them?? After everything they’ve been through??”

Ugh, you were a mess. Good thing it’s happening all over again! It’s like a do-over~!

This is your chance to be normal! You only looped five times- you think- so this should be a piece of cake! Five loops is such a small amount of trauma. You’re going to tackle it in a very mature, exceptionally unemotional way to prove that you’re fine, actually, and Stardust is overreacting! Because if Odile is correct and you loop every time they die, then you have to be fine.

If you’re fine, they’ll be fine.

You carefully draw three more lines onto the mushed side of their face, careful to keep them straight, before adding a triangle onto their nose as a final flourish. Yes!!! Perfect.

You lean back to admire your work.

Cat Siffrin.

You close your eyes, trying to etch the sight into your brain matter.

You don’t want to lose this. You don’t want to lose them. You take a shuddering breath and stop balling your hands into fists.

“You’re perfectly fine,” you whisper, putting the pen back into the drawer. “This was nothing. You are completely unaffected.” The drawer squeaks closed. “Today will be rough but you will get through it and hopefully you won’t loop and then you’ll be fine.”

…

The room is deathly silent. There is nothing for your mind to focus on. You shift a little and it makes the bed creak. Horrible. You get out of bed. Lying down is making you anxious! Not moving is making you anxious. If you moved a little, you’d feel better.

Stars above, you’re nauseous and you don’t even have a stomach.

You step out of the room and walk to the entrance and wave at the Innkeeper that Odile had been talking to yesterday. Such a lovely room! Yes, yes, you really are feeling a lot better than you were yesterday. Oh, a dining hall! Bingo~!

“Isabeau?”

“Loop!” he says and you give him a cute little wave, watching him stumble out of his seat to approach you. “You’re up already! Where’s Sif?”

“They fell asleep!” you chirp, perfectly hiding a mountain of anxiety.

“And you didn’t want to wake them up,” he says, understandingly.

“How could I?” you ask and he nods sagely. Stars, you’re going insane. “Can you join me for a walk?”

“Oh! Yes! Sure!”

You practically drag him out of the dinning hall, apologizing to a guest that you accidentally bump into and then Isabeau once you’re outside.

He doesn’t seem to mind and he smiles at you and the two of you walk and walk and walk and walk.

The sky is a miserable shade is grey, so unlike the clear beautiful sky at dawn, and you’re shaking. You’re not really sure why. It’s definitely not the fever, but then, what else could it be?

You’re really not sure if its just limited to your hands and the few people who are out and about stare at you regardless of how you act so it’s not a very good indicator. Isa is quiet but he has an air about him that screams extrovert taking their introvert friend for a walk. Maybe he’s not speaking because he knows that you’re a mess right now.

“How are you doing?” you ask, trying to find something to focus on.

“Oh! Um, honestly, not that bad. I mean, I got some decent sleep. Things don’t seem that grim. Should I go into detail? Or would you rather I talk about something irrelevant?”

“The- Well, hm,”

It’s tempting to listen to him ramble, you’re glad he’s offering, but you do care about him and, stars, he might have some insightful things to say, now that he doesn’t think you’re lost in some kind of flashback. Which you aren’t.

“Er- I don’t think I could handle too much detail,” you admit before backpedalling. “I mean, I’ll be fine by tomorrow but today… But you don’t think things are too grim?”

“I don’t think so,” he says, a touch of uncertainty in his posture. “It’s not really… my place, you know? But, well, you talked to Odile, right? And then you talked to me. And you’re talking to me right now!”

He… does have a point.

“Plus, Siffrin came and woke me up as soon as they got jittery and I think that’s good. They used to never talk to me about anything. I mean, we were all just kind of… leaving things unsaid, for a long time. But that’s kind of gone now and I like that! It makes me feel like we’re a real team!”

Stars, he is precious and you love him- but you can’t say that~!

“Did you know it was pronounced For-Too-Sand-Sven-Teen?” you ask and he stumbles a little. Well, maybe it didn’t make you look cool but at least it got a reaction.

“N-No way!! How did you find out??”

“One second we were talking about something relevant and the next she was teaching me how to say it!” you whine. This is remarkably stupid but he deserves nice things and you’re really trying. “Ugh, I feel so stupid, I can’t believe I feel for it twice!”

“And how do you pronounce it, again?”

“No,” you say and he smiles sheepishly. “But good effort! Nice try~!"

“I’ll get you one of these days,” he claims and you snicker.

“Ah, but really, your input is appreciated~! And, really, I’m… glad… you were there,” you say. It’s like pulling teeth. “To comfort Stardust. They didn’t really- They rightfully… Thank you. Thank you, Isa.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he tells you. He’s not smiling. You can’t look him in the eyes. “We both care for them.”

“Yes, sure, of course~! They’re just too cute! So cute and- and adorable! Ugh, okay, enough of this. Please tell me something irrelevant? Pretty please?”

“Men’s fashion,” he begins and you’re immediately invested. “What is it? Why is it so limited? How can I, Isabeau, fix all of it, immediately? The answer may shock you. And it will shock me. Because I don’t know. But! I’m thinking patterns.”

“Huh. Patterns… Yes, you don’t see that much, do you?”

“You do not! And it’s a real shame because, see, dark grey used to be a men’s colour and light grey used to be a woman’s colour and society has largely moved on from that and yet patterns-“

You’re not sure for how long you talk but by the time you’re back at the Inn, you’re a lot less shaky. Utterly exhausted, yes, but less shaky. You drag your feet a little as you approach the entrance and Isabeau seems to notice.

“We can stay here for longer, if you need it.”

“No, no, it’s just. Well, yes, but…”

You’re not sure how you feel.

How are you supposed to convince them you’re fine, exactly? How are you supposed to convince them of anything, when you’ve poured your heart out to them constantly? Ever since you tried to kill them, you’ve been far too honest with them.

It’s quite nerve wracking to even try and lock all those parts of yourself back up, without them noticing. To go back to Your ally Loop! Here to help you with the loops!

“I’ll feel better once I see them,” you say. “I hope.”

“You’re worried about Siffrin?”

“Worried? About talking to Stardust? Ha!”

You snicker and anxiously stand around until you notice a suspiciously Siffrin shaped person talking to the Innkeeper. The Inkeeper laughs and points behind them and they turn around.

Their eyes widen.

“Loop!”

Stardust storms out of the Inn. There is no hesitation. They launch themselves at you and you accept death as they topple you to the ground.

Owowowowww…

You’re a little teary eyed from the pain and Stardust is hugging you in public again. You sigh and let yourself lay on the ground, some of the tension melting away.

“I was worried,” they whisper and you pet their hair. “I woke up and you were gone. You promised we would spend time together, once the loops were over!”

They sit up and look down at you and- HA- those pen lines are still on their face!!

“Meow~” you say and they glare at you.

“You cannot cute your way out of this one, Loop!”

They yelp as Isa removes them from atop of you and you breathe a sigh of relief. “Let’s not gang up on Loop, okay? For now, anyway.”

“Why are you on their side now?” they ask and you see the moment that Isa notices Cat Siffrin. He purses his lips but fails to contain his laughter. Stardust looks disappointed. “It’s really that funny to you? You’re laughing. They drew on my face and then left and you’re laughing.”

"I’m so sorry, Sif," he whispers, putting them down before breathlessly wheezing.

They look to you and you try not to laugh, which is slightly easier without a mouth.

“You’re not fooling anybody,” they say and you can’t help it, you start laughing.

Oh, this is so embarrassing! There are so many people staring at the three of you but it’s fine. This is fun~! This is going better than you expected! And then, Stardust sits down in front of you and you notice they look like they’re on the verge of tears.

“Oh, Stardust…”

“Please don’t do that again?” they ask and you pull them in for a hug.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper and they hold you tightly like they’re afraid you’ll leave again. You close your eyes and rub their back and feel the tension in their body slowly melting away. They shudder and you can’t help but coo. “You were really that worried?”

They nod and you give them a squeeze, letting yourself relax.

“I’m right here,” you whisper, letting them sob into your shoulder.