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She saw them again tonight.
There is no night when she doesn’t see them. She exchanged one set of nightmares for another. The nightmare of what could have been.
They are haunting her dreams. Constant reminder of what is never coming back. The image is drilled inside of her eyelids.
Brown eyes, long dark eyelashes shining as they were magic. Doe eyes. Her eyes.
She won’t say Her name. It hurts too much to remember the times these eyes look at her with the loving stare. She won’t remember them any other way. Even thought the last time she saw them they were full of hurt and betrayal. Filled with tears and heartbreak.
No. They were lovely as always.
Morgana choses to remember them in that light.
She reminds herself of all the exchanged looks in the reflection of her vanity’s mirror. She thinks of the long stares in the room full of strangers. She reflects on the private moments in the dark.
She tortures herself with the images, hoping for a small relief. A small moment when she forgets where she is. She can go back to simpler times if only for a minute.
She can forget what she has done. What they did to her.
Memories are like a drug and Morgana is an addict.
Another dose puts her to sleep for the night.
The bright light is shining on her face through the small window of the cottage.
She started to despise the sun. Too bright, too hot, too annoying. She had a hard time trying to get anything done in a weather like that.
She was already too pissed off to try to go back to sleep. She stumbled from the bed to her notes that were scattered on the floor in the messy pile. She begun to rummage through it, trying to find an inspiration for her next attack on the kingdom. The notes were made from various ways. Some were scribbled by her, things she remembered or heard on the road. The other used to be pages, ripped from different books she stumbled across. The last were notes created by her little helpers.
She managed to create them with one of the spells. The looked exactly like bats. They flew around kingdom and with their exceptional hearing and manage to listen to gossip of the town. As they come back, they change into the little notes in her room. Quite a useful trick, she has managed to find in one of Morgause’s books.
Most of the time she focused on those notes, hoping to get the newest gossip.
“Have you heard about Linda’s night adventures?” was scribbled on the first note. Often, she found it to be useless town talk just like this. She threw it in the air with a spell, that manage to change the piece of paper back into the creature. The animal flew through the window to find something more useful.
“I heard Peter is having money problems again” she sighed and repeated the movement.
She has performed the same thing five more times before stumbling on something more worthy of her attention.
“I can’t believe the Queen is going to this. I mean leaving the castle to go find that mad woman is ridiculous.”
She can’t help to agree. The idea is unthinkable. Why would She try to find her? To capture her, for sure, but they have been hunting her for months now. Why would they use the Queen?
They have to be growing desperate. Arthur wouldn’t allow this, would he? Which could mean only one thing. She will be an easy target.
This could easily end very badly. But the idea of having Her here is both thrilling and terrifying. Logically, it would put her in such advantage Arthur would have to obey her every word.
But can she do it? She would have to look at the eyes again. The voice and her scent will follow. She managed to hide the memories of these two back in her mind.
Yes, she has to. The path she has chosen was never meant to be an easy one. She knew that. It’s just another challenge for her. She can do it.
Time to face the reality of what has to come.
Thanks to her little helpers, she knows the Queen has already left the castle by now.
She had managed to analyze the entire idea thousand times at her mind already.
The plan is to not let Her find Morgana, but find Her first. Be the hunter not the pray.
Travelling through the woods became the second nature to her by now. She recognized every inch of the forest. And she knew the way to Camelot by heart.
She hated that she didn’t want to forget it. She managed to convince herself that it is an important information for her rebellion against the Kingdom, but the dark truth was that she wanted to know where her home used to be. She wanted to believe there were still place for her there. Even if she had to spill blood to fit in.
The road was covered in the traces of hooves. There must have been at least four riders. It’s sounds too good to be true, so Morgana doesn’t let that information affects her too much.
She touches the marks on the ground, casts a spell and a clear path of golden light to her goal creates before her eyes. It is long enough that she has to follow it now.
She lets her feet carry her to her target.
She has walked so long that the sun has already settled. But the light was getting weaker by every minute. She must have been close.
“Do you really believe it, my Lady?”
She was startled by the voice. It was man’s and it was near. The source was coming from her left. She turned her focus to that direction, while removing the light form her previous spell.
She has stumbled across a small camp. There was three men in armor. The Knight of the Round table probably. She couldn’t remember their names. The all looked the same for her, with their honorable hearts and high morals. Made Morgana want to barf.
“I have to. You don’t know her, like I did.”
There she was.
She looked different. She was wearing the plain clothes, plain blouse, leather jacket and dark pants. Ideal for the hunting trip. They resembled her old gowns, Morgana knew so well. She wasn’t wearing any fancy jewels that symbolize her status. Yet, her entire being was different. Her head with high, her voice sure and cold. Her body stiff and closed.
It wasn’t the same girl she has remembered. That was a stranger. That made her mission easier.
“Whatever you say, my Lady. Your word is our command.” The man replied. Morgana rolled her eyes. Although, she was intrigued, what the conversation was about, finding herself in the middle of it was boring. She wanted to made a move. She could probably easily take all of them, but the risk of injury was high. She should wait for their slumber.
“I’m glad we have that covered.” She replied with that smile of Hers. “Well, I am going to rest for the night. I believe I can entrust you with the watch of the camp. Goodnight”
She didn’t wait for the reply, but simply stumbled into the small tent.
Morgana managed to turn her focus into the camp.
It was quite small. Queen’s tent was in the a little in the back. In the middle there was a bonfire. The 3 men were sitting in the small circle near it. The two of them were barely awake. The were sitting only thanks to the fact that they were laying their heads on top of each other. The other man was sitting on the log in front of them. He was the one speaking to the Queen. He glanced on his company. Morgana guessed by his sigh that he has to take the first watch.
After waiting for few minutes, to make sure the men on the floor and the Queen were asleep she entered another phase of her plan. She sneaked on the last man standing. She mumbled a quick spell and a magical arrow appeared. With a quick motion the arrow flew and landed directly in the person’s throat, piercing right through it. His faced managed to turn into the shock, before the light from his eyes disappeared.
The other men haven’t noticed anything yet. They were entranced into deep sleep. She moved to the sleeping figures. She crouched before them as she put both her hands on their throats. The began to choke as she squeezed them with magic hands. They awoke and stumbled desperately to set themselves free. She holds her gaze as the life escapes from their bodies. Smirk leaves her face, satisfied with the job well done.
The bodies croubled to the ground with a thud. The voice was too loud for Queen not to notice. It didn’t matter now. The final step was left. She approached the tent, which started to move with girl’s movement. Morgana released the breath she wasn’t aware she was holding. Waiting what her next motion will be.
The Queen left the tent, clearly distressed by the sounds. As soon as she realized who was standing in front of her, she tried to scream. With poor results, because as soon as she opened her mouth Morgana threw another spell silencing her. It took all of her willpower to remembered the task at hand.
The girl desperately held her throat as the magical handcuffs appear on her hands. Huge shock left on her face.
“Missed me, dear?” Morgana asked with a smirk, as she pushed her prisoner to move in front of her. There was a long walk to the cottage waiting.
The walk to her base was silent. She tried to focus on anything but the figure in front of her, which wasn’t as hard as she thought would be. She was still robbed of her voice. The spell would stick for at least three hours, from what Morgana remembered.
She focused on the steps she was taking. The tiredness from her attack managed to found her, which helped her mind not to wander.
After a while, they managed to stumble on Morgana’s new home. The prisoner’s face fell into horror, clearly concerned about the shack. Morgana pushed her inside through the door, down the stairs of the basement. The girl stumbled and fell on. She looked at her hostage as the door shut.
She looked sad. Not longer terrified. It seemed more like the concerned face she once knew. It felt like she wasn’t worried about her situation, but Morgana’s. She expected it. For a quick moment, Morgana saw the familiar face she tried to escape from. Her mind began to panic.
This could be more difficult than she anticipated. She threw herself to bed, begging for sleep to find her quickly.
This time the light wasn’t the reason for her awakening. It was loud sound coming form the downstairs. Constant banging on the doors. Followed by the voice of her prisoner.
“Morgana come down here! I want to talk!”
That was dangerous. Morgana should stay here and plan her next move. She couldn’t mess it up. She turned over trying to catch more sleep.
But the shouting continued and Morgana grew more curious. She sighed annoyed as she rose up from her bed. Let’s see what she has to say.
“What are you banging for?” she shouted back as she approached the closed door.
“Morgana, I just want to talk. Could you please open this door?” the hostage replied with a calm voice.
“Why would I do it?” she smirked, amused by the request.
“Well, I’m clearly not match for you. And I’m willing to take a risk to talk to you face to face. So, could you please open?” she asked. Her voice very polite and warm.
She had a point. There was no way of her escaping now. But she had to take extra precaution. She opened quickly the door and threw another spell creating new handcuffs for the Queen’s legs this time. Then pushed her hard with her magic so she hit the opposite wall and fell on her bottom.
She entered the room and sat near the door, opposite to her prisoner, while she stumbled back to her feet. She looked rugged after the events of last night. Her hair slightly messy, trying to escape the thigh knot it once was, her clothes covered in dirt. She got a fresh scar on her lip. She looked more like her older version now. More humble and down to earth than before. She looked as beautiful as ever.
“You wanted to talk?” she asked as calmly as she could.
“That hurt.” There was a long pause. The Queen was clearly studying her, while Morgana held her gaze strong. “You look terrible.”
She knew she wasn’t as beautiful as she used to. Her hair and clothes dark and messy. Her face no longer classy, but twisted. Being pretty stopped being her priority what seems like a long time ago, but it still hurt to hear it from her.
Morgana decided the best approach would be silence. It seemed like she tried to butter her up. She focused her eyes on her dirty nails, trying desperately not to show how hard she was finding this situation.
“I knew this would end up like this. But I believed you wouldn’t have to kill my man, when I was very clearly easy to capture. They were good man, Morgana.”
Her eyes glanced at her captive. She tried not to show her surprise of that revelation. Of course it was a trap all along. But she had an upper hand, didn’t she?
“I came to see you, Morgana. I had to see you.” The girl said with a smile. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
Well, that is idiotic. Getting captured to see her? As much as she wanted to believe these words her mind screamed at her to focus.
“I know I changed.” She continued. “You have changed too. But don’t you think there is a way for as to talk?”
“What is there to talk about, Gwen?” Morgana finally replied. She surprised herself as the name she refused to think about left her tongue.
“Well, how about we start with a simple question. How are you?” Gwen replied.
“I am not interested in small talk. Go straight to the point you’re trying so hard to avoid.” She hissed.
“You know, why I’m here. I want an end to that war.” She confessed. Her face turned serious. “I know you and Arthur had differences, but he is not Uther. There is a way for all of us to leave this conflict unharmed.” She continued. “You used to care about each other once.”
“That was ages ago, Gwen. If you truly believe that you are more foolish than I thought.” Morgana replied clearly amused. She started to nervously pace the room.
“I know it to be true.” She insisted, while she followed her with her gaze. “Because, even after everything Arthur still cares about you. I can see it in his eyes that he misses you. I too, care about you and miss you, Morgana.”
“The girl you knew is dead.” She replied with a sad look.
“No. She’s not. She’s there under your ragged hair and clothes. Behind your evil ways and scheming. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe there was still a girl I knew there. Despite everything, you are the same as the day you left.”
The silence filled the room. Morgana’s throat dried after hearing those word. As much as she tried to resist, it hit her like a ton of bricks. Her eyes begin to water, as she tried to hold back the tears. Unable to move and to speak. That made Gwen to continue.
“We want you to be a part of our council.”
That made Morgana burst laughing. “You can’t be serious.” She barely kept her composure. “What next? We’re going to play happy little family? You, your husband and me, an evil witch?”
“I am serious.” Gwen held her gaze. She looked mad. Her jaw clenched. Her eyes now resemble the fireplace, warm yet a little dangerous.
“And how would that suppose to work?” she asked still amused by the situation.
“You get a say in every matter. It’s not a veto, but you will be heard and your word put into the consideration.” She paused for a moment, choosing her next words carefully. ”But, most important, if you agree, magic will be legal to practice again.”
“You would do that?” She paused to catch her breath, not truly believing what was she hearing. “But only if I agree?”
“We both believe that Uther was incorrect. Magic is not evil, it never was. We just fear it. We all were taught to. But with you on our side, we could create a world where there is no need to fight our differences, but we could use them. Learn from each other.” She spoke as from the distant dream. But that’s all it was. A childish dream.
So, this is all I am. A vessel. A tool to get trust of magical creatures. She thought. All things considered the Queen could be lying. The moment she enters through that gate, there can be another trap set for her.
But it was almost everything she wanted. She still yearned for the throne itself, but this was a nice compromise. Rights for her people, in exchange for her freedom. She could go home. Or she will be tossed in prison, for all the horrible things she has done.
She swallowed hard. “What assurance do I have that you won’t stab me in the back the moment I enter the castle?”
“Look inside my pocket.”
Morgana startled at the words. Gwen was just looking at her with a smirk. She got closer to the tied girl. She could now feel her cologne. Her scent as sweet as ever. She focused at the task at hand, while the Queen kept her gaze on her. Finally, she reached into the other girl’s pockets to receive two small bottles, filled with an amber liquid. She gave questioning look.
“According to Gaius, it’s called Queen’s Promise. Rather suiting, isn’t it?” The girl explained, while getting closer. “Do you want to hear the entire story or should I cut to the chase?”
“Amuse me.” She answered quickly, while remaining her position, only inches away from the other girl. She liked the current place of looking down at her companion.
“The legend says that long time ago, over the Camelot rule a great couple. A Queen and a King.” She continued, without leaving her eyes for Morgana’s. “They loved each other very much. But King was very sick. He needed days to rest. And it troubled Queen. She feared of one day waking up without her lover. So, one day she approached a talented wizard. She confessed her troubles. After hearing her out, he brewed her the very same liquid. He explained that once she and her husband swallow the drink, they will be bound for eternity. If one of them dies, the other shall as well.”
Morgana started to realize, what the plan was, but she let her continue the story.
“She took the bottles and went to share her plan with her lover. But when she came back, he was already dead. In his last words he called her name, yet she never heard it. She went to rule their Kingdom, while the drink was forgotten.” Gwen finished, suddenly looking nervous. Biting her lip before she spoke again. “I want to drink it with you.”
“Because, we’re tragic lovers?” She joked too stunned to reply seriously.
“Because will be bound. You won’t be able to hurt me and they won’t be to hurt you.” Her gaze was soft again. No lies were told. There was no trick, truly.
“Arthur wouldn’t allow it.” She denied stepping away from the girl.
“I made him an ultimatum.” She answered quietly. “I promised, that if he wouldn’t let me do it, I would leave to look for you on my own.”
A quiet gasp escaped her mouth. “Why?” Her voice was cracking at this point. “Why go for such lengths?”
“I can’t sleep. I can’t eat.” She admitted. “I keep thinking of you. Being here alone. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe I miss you, but I know that it feels like I’m going crazy. This is a way for us to rebuilt, what we once had. To bring peace to the Kingdom. To care for our citizens, all of them. To fix it all.”
Morgana returned to her position in front of Gwen. They both looked deeply into each other’s eyes, looking for something that, once was there. It seemed like it never died.
“I’ve missed you too.” Was all Morgana said as she gently placed her hand on woman’s cheek. Her skin was still dirty from the night before, yet remained soft. While surprised by the move, Gwen didn’t move away. She kept her gaze, while her eyes flickered to Morgana’s lips in a quick glance. The witch repeated the movement.
Then, the smaller woman moved. The bottles fell to the floor. Even with her hands and legs still tied she managed to capture the other girl’s lips. The kiss was electric. Morgana in an instant wrapped her hands around the girl. Right hand stayed on her cheek, while the left on was placed on the lover back, gripping on her clothes. They opened their mouths to let their tongues enter each other. It felt like drinking cold water after a long draught.
Morgana never felt something like that before. She felt like an addict, finally allowed to consume her drug. She pushed the other girl on the wall and with the flick of her fingers she let her free.
As soon as she was free of her binds, she wrapped her hand around the girl. She held her close by her back, not wanting to let go.
They broke away, gasping for air. Both of their eyes still closed, yet their foreheads rested on top of each other. After a minute of heavy breathing, they have managed to put themselves together, they opened their eyes.
Gwen bended over to grab the fallen bottles. She had a serious look on her face again.
“It’s your call. I am willing to take a risk to get you back into my life.” She said, while pushing her opened hand with the drink between them.
It was stupid. They were enemies. Gwen was married, Merlin’s beard. The plan might have worked, but her feeling was too strong to make it a rational transaction. She was looking at her with those eyes. The eyes she was trying so hard to forget.
But she knew, after tonight she wouldn’t be able to. She took one of the bottles and locked eyes with the girl. She did the same. They unscrew the liquid and poured down in a quick move.
Gwen reached for her hand, still looking at the witch. There was a promise in that look. Morgana chose to believed it as she let herself being dragged to the place, she once called home. It was hard to grasp that a Queen would chose her, after everything that has happened, but Morgana wanted to believe she was worth saving.
They were tied now. Whatever will happen, they will remain together.