Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Kim Dokja!"

"Dokja-ssi!"

Kim Dokja felt a sharp pain in his body. Ah, this scenario had taken longer than intended. If they wanted to make it to the Great War of Saints and Demons, they had to finish more scenarios to build enough status for the 80th main scenario.

And they weren't even halfway, and this scenario was getting dangerous.

So it was the time for Kim Dokja to end it already.

If he could get close to the core of the monster they had to get down, and when the monster injured him badly at that moment, he could deal the final blow while the monster was probably thinking he's dead.

That was the plan. Not that Kim Dokja had told any of his company members. Since the time he had told them about them being 'characters' of a 'novel', mood of the company had changed. To be fair he didn't want to deal with more difficulties.

He had that sacrificial will, afterall.

[Exclusive skill, 'Will of Sacrifice Lv.7' has been activated!]

...The skill too.

So when Kim Dokja finished the scenario with all his incarnation body leaking stories at a dangerously fast rate, he was ready to fix it with a capsule of stories he saved for such times. When he opened the lead, however, the stories inside made the Probability scale to shake ominously, and he stared at Probability storm rushing towards his weakened body.

His vision blurred.

When Kim Dokja found himself in the middle of weird noises, he knew he had died another time.
Just before he could be erased from this universe, he somehow managed to absorb one story, he couldn't figure out which story it was or if it was from the capsule.

There was nothing else he was able to do. Only hope to resurrect.

To save the kids and company. For my companion, He reminded himself to stay focused. The thought of Yoo Joonghyuk made him worried. Kim Dokja wanted to tell him the truth of Ways of Survival in his own words, or maybe to apologize. It was too greedy of him, considering how the protagonist was avoiding him.

He waited for the similar messages informing the issue that always seemed to affect his resurrections.
However, he heard no message this time. In fact, he felt really shitty too.

Kim Dokja opened his eyes to an almost empty classroom. It felt too familiar that he felt anxious in his guts, so it took him a moment to recognize where he was sitting.

He was leaning backwards. Nearly falling down the window of a classroom god knows how many stories were above the ground.

His hands on the window seal of said classroom sniffed, knuckles white from how hard he gripped there, but his strength wasn't enough. Instead, he noticed the bruises on his hands that ached.

The next thing he saw was the sight of a daytime blue sky. Without Constellations peaking.

It was a mesmerizing scene, he felt closer to the sky. That didn't last for so long, and he was getting farther and farther from what he truly wanted.

Just like a Dokja's life.

His vision blurred with the sensation of pain in his bones, head ringing. It didn't seem to be the worst injury he had ever suffered since the apocalypse, but without the fourth wall and his body seemingly weaker, he couldn't breathe.

The sky distorted, darker and darker. Kim Dokja wished in this newly dark sky. If there was a shooting star, he could have an excuse for the wish he made.

In fact, he knew exactly where he was. He could remember himself vividly, at 15, jumping down the same building.

He wished he hadn't jumped.

Muffled voices.

High pitched screams.

The sound of cameras flashing.

Noises of his distorted breathing.

A livingroom, where he used to thought Mother killed Father.

When Kim Dokja was conscious again, he kept his eyes shut. Close to himself, he could feel two other people arguing. His uncle and aunt.

It wasn't a sight he wanted to see once more. How they used the insurance and the loan in his name, how they pretended he didn't exist... Any of it.

Memories of the past were unclear after he jumped. When he tried to remember anything, the next thing on his mind was a webnovel site. Typing mindlessly, he found his reason to live.

By a curse on the protagonist of the story to suffer for him. He really was a Constellation, no wonder why Yoo Joonghyuk hated him.

He should be delighted, Kim Dokja thought, the person who forced him to be a character, finally dying.

After he seemed to be alone in the hospital room, Kim Dokja opened his eyes. The white ceiling, plain room, beeping sounds, smell of hospital. His body was too weak to move, however, there were no IV lines or anything necessarily bounding him to be here.

A while passed, and he got to two conclusions:

Either, he was dead and this was his last delusion, or he was alive somehow and this was really himself when he had committed.

The first one seemed to be his case.

Kim Dokja would miss the epilogue he wanted to witness. He would also miss his companions. But since he was here, he could once again read his beloved story.

The original version he could no longer read after the revised versions replaced it.

So he tried to ignore the pain lingering in his still-not-healed bones when he got up, walking with the help of a wall.

Kim Dokja couldn't remember where he had found that computer. Finding one in a hospital that was occupied with nothing related to the atmosphere there, how the hell did he manage to do that? Was one of the staff a webnovel freak like himself, he wondered.

However, when he looked all around the floor he was in and didn't find anything, he was disappointed. Maybe he was too early. Maybe his memory was messing with him. Maybe this was a nightmare.

His feet that couldn't keep up any longer weren't helping too. Though Kim Dokja guessed he was near his hospital room, his sense of directions seemed to be even worse than usual and also, wrong as usual.

He was standing near stairs he had never seen before. It was better that standing longer with such conditions, so he collapsed on the stairs, leaning his head to the wall near it.

Perhaps a nurse would find him and get him back to his room, which was out of his strength right now.
Hospital's hall was too empty for a weekday. No patients outside their rooms, no worried families or hurried nurses. Just humming of hospital devices working which made his eyes sleepy and relaxed.

Loud footsteps coming closer startled him awake.

Kim Dokja got his eyes slightly open, having no intention of confronting the nurse who wanted to furiously get him back to bed. He stole a glance at the person approaching.

To his surprise, it was a middle aged man with a rather old suit and a hat, but it was still too formal to be one of the staff. Kim Dokja felt a sense of deja vu, as if he had seen this guy somewhere. Maybe in apocalypse?
No way. If he was this old now, he wouldn't even make it past the first scenario, just like the grandma in the subway.

The man walked past Kim Dokja and took the stairs to the next floor. Belatedly, Kim Dokja realized that he was following after him.

The man turned right when he got to the next floor and disappeared from his view.
After a while, Kim Dokja found him. The man was using a computer. His gaze met Kim Dokja's before he could turn.

With a knowing smile, the man got out of his way and walked away.

He was left with a computer, on the screen the website he used to spend his time on could be seen.

He felt the nostalgia as he reached out to the keyboard and typed like a human out of breath.

「 Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World 」by tls123

It was there.

He breathed out of relief and opened the first and only chapter at the time.

「 There are three ways to survive in a ruined world. I have forgotten some of them, but one thing is certain. That you, who are reading this now, will survive.

Hence, Yoo Joonghyuk started his 3rd life... 」

The sentences, the style. All of them were familiar. He knew that how from this day on, he couldn't forget this masterpiece, and how it brought a vitality to his ruined world.

When he finished reading, it felt like the first time. Relatable. Painful. And he admired it with every piece of his fragile existence.

The comment section was opened mindlessly and Kim Dokja started typing; 'It really was a great read, author-nim!'

After a pause, he added; 'Yoo Joonghyuk regressions... what does he find after the scenarios? Would he live his desired ending? By the way, author-nim, who was Yoo Joonghyuk's sponsor? It wasn't in the latest chapter and I was hoping it would appear in the epilogue...'

'Epilogue', he thought. It was impossible that tls123 would know from this early such details about future plot.

'Epp¿■¿¿■??', Kim Dokja thought, Asking won't hurt.

'Y■¿¿Joon¿¡¿■■ghyuk ¿¿¿■■¿¿■... wh¿a■t ■■■ds he ¿fi■■n af■¿■■ter the ■■¿sc??en¿■ios? W■■■■■■■■¿?■■din■? By the way, 12■■¿¿3-nim w■■¿¿o J■■h■¿¿a'■■n So■■¿ ■■■???oo ■■■■y■■ĺ???ou■ □■ng??and I was hoping it ???wo■■¿■uar in the Epp¿■¿¿??...'

He blankly glanced at his comment being swallowed by something bright.

It took him a minute to recognize. Damn, how could he not? Afterall, it was the main reason Kim Dokja had found himself here.

Maybe he needed time because he had believed he's no longer in scenarios.

The faint sparks of Probability. Not strong enough to hurt him like the past storm, but couldn't go unnoticed as it erased his comment.

Kim Dokja's hollow laughter began as he once again lost his strength and fell on the floor.

Even when things were this wrong, he would understand it, as long as his life's genre was fantasy, not realism.
Only if I knew this in the past, Kim Dokja thought.

Chapter Text

After that day, Kim Dokja had been strictly forbidden to leave his room. One of the nurses even threatened to tie him to the bed.

However, that couldn't prevent him from sneaking out and reading Ways of Survival almost on a daily basis. There were times that he got lost, but as the time passed and he gained his health (almost) it was getting easier and easier to get back before the staff noticed.

He also had a lot of time, which he wasn't intending to waste thinking about traumatic experiences, so he thought about the thing that was concerning him the most: Probability sparks he had seen while commenting.

Since the accident that happened while Kim Dokja had typed nonsense the first time, he hadn't dared to write anything other than regular comments he used to write.
Because, what if he got stuck in a bigger Probability storm? Why would there be a Probability storm in the first place? This was his past, and he was pretty sure he didn't live in the same world as Ways of Survival.

And just like he didn't have his skills, a Probability storm was nonsensical.

But Kim Dokja was sure those sparks were real.

And also.

He didn't have his skills, right?

...Right?

Kim Dokja felt utterly stupid at the realization that he hadn't checked such an important thing.

"Attribute window...?" He muttered while expecting Fourth Walls complaints.

There was no response.

He tried activating his exclusive skills.

None of them worked.

His stories talking then?

Silence.

The ceiling of the hospital seemed to be mocking him with being white.

Kim Dokja sighed. He didn't know whether to feel confused or comforted.

One of the possibilities which he had considered at first, was that maybe, one of the Constellations who seemed to be on better terms with him had helped him to survive the Probability storm in exchange for a scenario.

Just like the outer god pledge he had made with Secretive Plotter.

But there were no signs of scenarios. It was as if the apocalypse had never happened.

Which was logically correct. Kim Dokja was sure that if he had lived in the apocalypse world, he couldn't have read a whole novel about the future.

Probability wouldn't allow it afterall, right?

In that case, he probably was dead, and this was his hallucination.

Kim Dokja wondered what else there would be, aside from his beloved Ways of Survival.

More traumatic past I have to re-experience, he thought. Even his before-death hallucination had to be like this?!

The beeping sound of hospital devices sounded as if to say "congratulations, you're miserable. "

He would have to live them again then.

Next days passed in a haze, and when Kim Dokja felt himself walking normally again, it was as if he had just been freed from an eternal prison.

However, he didn't really welcome this freedom, because he knew more horrible things were about to happen.

The first sign was just before him.

It was finally the day which his doctor had confirmed he was in a good condition and there wouldn't be a problem to take him out of the hospital.

Knowing his relatives, it was good news that they didn't have to pay more for him, no longer needed to pretend he was worth caring about.

The only reaction he received from his uncle was a scowl and from his aunt, a disgusted face. They were tired of journalists at their doorstep. They wanted to have a quiet life, where her mother hadn't killed Kim Dokja's father.

It was understandable.

The way back to his relatives house was a long one, with stretching silence that would never be cut.

After getting there, Kim Dokja was silently forced to stay in the room he was given. As soon as he got there, he laid on the cramped bed near a wall.

A family was leaving downstairs, by pretending he didn't exist, and they were happier.

A family. A real one, which he hadn't had when he was 15.

Kim Dokja was sure that he would never understand the principles of having a family. Although, during the time he was with the company, he could feel the warmth of a bond, one that he didn't deserve after all he'd done.

He stared at the ceiling, with a sudden urge of seeing their faces again.

He missed them.

But, as a Dokja's life, he would lose them again and again.

Ah, Kim Dokja thought, why did I ever expect to have anything other than fantasies to read?

Still, memories of apocalypse were the ones he valued the most, and it didn't feel right to him.

A lot of people had died. Yes, the company had survived, but what if the apocalypse had never happened...

If the Ways of Survival had never been written...

Kim Dokja shook at a familiar feeling.

He didn't need to look to know it was a spark.

"This world...," he mumbled, "what is it?"

Kim Dokja could remember what his middle school was like, and this was definitely not what he expected.

The school’s first day was good. His classmates ignored him, sure, but no one tried to provoke him, or call him ‘a murder’s son’ and even a home teacher had asked him for help in organizing some documents.

Of course, he helped her, even if it didn’t make sense.

He had jumped off a building, and this was what he had gotten? A better life?

Right, he had committed because his world was ruined by his mother and so much more messed up things going on.

It didn’t mean he wanted a better life.

Ways of Survival was enough for him. All he needed was to know about a protagonist, someone so strong that if he was ever in Kim Dokja’s place wouldn’t be bothered, wouldn’t care.

Some role for him to play as and survive a life he didn’t have a reason for other than listening to his most precious story.

It was a life similar to Constellations.

And why Yoo Joonghyuk was so frustrated about it.

Kim Dokja looked at the desk he was sitting on. A pile of papers were in front of him. He had organized all of them thinking about such things. Sighing that there were no more papers to arrange, he leaned back in his chair.

The sky outside of the classroom was dyed in orange, with most of students already on their way back home.

Kim Dokja just stared at the empty yard and school’s entrance.

It was a classroom on the first floor.

Even if school staff were nice to him on his first day, it didn’t mean his action would be forgotten. It also didn’t mean that a student absent for half of the school year suddenly coming there would go unnoticed, or the mess and trauma he had created after hitting the ground would be forgotten.

It was only a matter of time until bullies reappeared, harassing him, both mentally and physically.

Kim Dokja was ready to pick the documents after killing time for a little more. He never was interested in getting home early.

Since no one used to ask him where he was or what he was doing, the later he got to his relatives’ house there was more chance of his cousins sleeping, and so he could go there and read Ways of Survival.

He struggled to pick up the whole pile in one go, then he thought, if it fell right now, I would be able to stay a little longer.

At his struggle, all papers dropped to the floor. Kim Dokja realized despite the urge of staying, he was feeling guilty and disappointed. A whole afternoon's work just got wasted.

During the first time sorting these, he hadn’t really paid attention to their contents. He picked up one of them and began skimming it.

It was a form about students, from first year to third. He picked some more, searching for any familiar name.

After a while, he found it. Two reports that were filled with words. Those two specifically seemed to contain more information compared to what he had seen.

The contents also seemed to be more important and restricted.

Kim Dokja sat on a desk, leaving the mess of papers for now.

One of the papers he was holding was about himself, which he would be lying if he said he didn’t expect it.

On his form was a warning about his family condition, and about his recent suicide attempt.

Not wanting to read what he already knew, Kim Dokja focused on the other piece of paper he had.

The name was familiar, and contents were surprisingly in contrast with the name they were written below.

For the first time in a while, Kim Dokja smirked, different plans forming in his sinful mind.

Chapter Text

The next day, a well-rested and spirited Kim Dokja left his relatives house for school. He was more than ready to start his plan, to an extent that he had even snuck to his cousins’ room and used their computer to read Ways of Survival when they were asleep.

When Kim Dokja got to school, he reviewed his plan once more.

According to the form he had read, the person he had in mind was raised with an abusive parent, in fact, a criminal father, and there were cases in which the child was involved.

In other words, another student with a past like his, and if Kim Dokja was honest enough, both of them had committed crime.

Not that Kim Dokja was an honest person.

Anyways. The plan was to roast that guy. For no particular reason.

He took a deep breath as he continued his way to his classroom. Other students’ heavy gazes were fixed on him, but after all he had been through, and this wasn't that bad.

He was even kind of an idol during the apocalypse, and from his past… well, he could say he was experienced with this stuff.

Still, this is supposed to be my hallucination, right? Kim Dokja thought, no matter how many times I escaped death, I couldn't have survived that.

Kim Dokja sat at his desk while his mind was preoccupied with thoughts. Was there a reason for him to remember these memories so vividly? Sure, it was related to when most of his traumas were originated from but again…

His cycle of thoughts were broken by a rather hard thump at his desk. Kim Dokja glanced up from his desk carefully.

When he was 17, he used to hear these thumps a lot, and they were never a good sign to begin with.

There he was.

Song Minwoo.

See? Kim Dokja thought, I was right.

Song Minwoo was one of his traumas. He could recall when he and Han Sooyoung had destroyed a Coin Farm, that accidentally belonged to that brat. Then, Song Minwoo was killed.

Although Kim Dokja found it much to his liking to call his trauma resolved after that scenario, what Han Sooyoung had said was right.

”Where is the obvious trauma? A trauma is serious.”

Even if Kim Dokja had beaten the guy before him and made him beg, this was supposed to be a part of his memories.

”So you're deaf too, huh?” was all Kim Dokja heard before a hand grasped his collar.

Kim Dokja was shaking visibly, these contacts were too familiar. Even when he used to have the Fourth Wall, it took him a while to offset his mental shock. Not to mention, that happened when he was in a body older and even strengthened by stats and skills.

Kim Dokja felt helpless. His senses were sharpened due to his trauma being triggered.

He couldn't escape. He couldn't fight back. All he was able to do was making himself ready for the first hit and shutting his eyes tight.

But a while passed and nothing happened. In fact, the grip on his collar loosened, and he was abruptly back to his sit.

Kim Dokja opened his eyes as he saw the look in Song Minwoo's eyes.

This was different.

His stare still held his bastard personality, but something else lingered there. Perhaps, disappointment?

”Murderer's son,” Song Minwoo called.

The irritation soon filled Kim Dokja, as fear blended into it.

”Stupid psycho. You're weak,” Song Minwoo said as he gripped Kim Dokja's collar once again, “you sure have fun with those journalists.”

How good would it be to shut him up like the last time?!

Why was Song Minwoo so desperate to harass him anyway? Didn't he know how much trauma he cause Kim Dokja?

He used to always think Song Minwoo was one of those sadistic bullies who think they own the world.

This was of course, until when Han Sooyoung had told him that this bastard had partially gotten off the 173rd when reading Ways of Survival.

If Kim Dokja had been in a better mental state and his hatred hadn't gotten the better of him, he might've asked Song Minwoo about it when they were in the scenarios.

However.

For some odd reason in this dream, Song Minwoo was different. Yes, he was holding Kim Dokja's collar, but there were no signs of an incoming attack or his other friends.

Come to think of it, Kim Dokja could only remember memories of when he was 17 and was being bullied.

He was pretty sure this is a time when he was 16 at the best.

So could this mean…?

No, this is only a weird dream, Kim Dokja thought, maybe I can't remember because of the pressure I was under…?

Death made other people silly and Kim Dokja was well aware of that.

When he came to his senses, Kim Dokja was running his mouth sooner than his brain could process it.

”So what? You liked those journalists better on your doorsteps for what your father had done?” Kim Dokja spitted out.

—
The other thing Kim Dokja spitted out that day was his own blood.

But to his surprise, the situation turned out smoother than he expected it to. Song Minwoo had hit him in the face once before disappearing.

Obviously, Kim Dokja hadn't followed him.

It was crystal clear that talking about Song Minwoo's past in front of him wasn't a genius idea.

Yesterday, the files he had found had Song Minwoo's name on them and so, Kim Dokja who was curious upon seeing such a familiar name, was tempted to read them.

That was when Kim Dokja learned about Song Minwoo's father, who had committed worse than Kim Dokja's own, yet being silent was effective and his father was still free and well.

Maybe this was a way of Kim Dokja's brain processing why Song Minwoo was so eager to bully him, at least in this world or hallucination, it was… happening?

Kim Dokja didn't want to be bullied by that junk again, so he decided to use this information.

Of course when only meeting Song Minwoo again, with the knowledge of his death, could make Kim Dokja's mind go blank with fear, he knew he had failed pathetically.

At least he tried.

Kim Dokja's motivations were vague for himself, just what had caused him to say the last sentence like a stupid masochist, who wanted to be hit.

By the end of the day, Kim Dokja almost forgot his interaction with Song Minwoo.