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His shoulders feel heavy as he leans back in the chair of the studio. He rubs his temple and sniffles quietly before shifting and glancing at the clock. Only forty minutes until midnight, until his birthday. Chan gapes his mouth open for a moment and stretches again. Changbin and Jisung left an hour ago, Jisung had been whiny and Changbin could not stop yawning, almost as if he had been trying to get a signal across the room, but Chan had just nodded when they said good night. He exhales and grabs the almost empty water bottle next to his laptop and chugs the last drops of it before dropping the bottle into the trashcan next to the desk. He stretches again, letting out a loud and long groan before he shuts down his laptop and pushes it into his bag. The boys had asked him to take it easy, he just got back from Milan a few days ago and he immediately started working again, and he promised he would. And Chan never breaks a promise — at least he tries to.
So, as the responsible and good friend he tries to be, Chan packs up his stuff, turns off everything in the studio and shuts the lights. As he shuffles down the hall of the company building, his eyes drag over the display of his phone and he types a message. The group chat, usually just something like a bulletin board for him to post in or Jeongin sending links from twitter, has been even more quiet than it usually is. He blinks down at the last message, a simple bunny emoji from Jisung; the sign he arrived safely at the shared dorm with Minho. Chan rubs his neck and sends the message after pressing the elevator button.
On my way home
He lets them know, maybe even gives Jeongin the possibility to get dressed again before Chan catches him naked on the couch again. Not that Chan had anything against it, he does it as well, but Jeongin had been as red as a tomato and did not speak to Chan for six hours after he got caught. Chan thought it was cute — the fact that Jeongin still reacts like this even though they have been living together for years and Chan had been butt naked more than once. He steps into the elevator and leans against the mirrored wall while the doors silently close and the metal box starts to descend down to the main floor. He fidgets with the tiny Wolfchan on his bag, the one with the magnets. He usually has that one up on a shelf with the remaining seven Skzoos, having them all hold hands. Chan lets the magnets click and click while his eyes are trained on the red, flickering number in the small display over the door. It counts down and Chan does too, slowly and calmly.
Exhaustion seeps through his skin and between his bones as he leans against the cool mirror and his head bounces slightly back as he tries to keep a yawn from erupting from his throat. With a ping, the elevator opens its door and Chan sucks in a breath before leaving it and stepping down into the hall, where his bodyguard is waiting. Chan blinks up to the clock on the wall. Still thirty-seven minutes til his birthday and he feels like he could sleep for ten years. "Mister Bahng." The man in the suit nods and Chan nods back. "Told ya to call me Chan…" He smiles at the man, who bows in apology once more. "I apologies, Sir.." He clears his throat and Chan sighs quietly, not in the mood to argue about the way he is being addressed, and nods before continuing his walk towards the garage. The metal door opens with a quiet creak and Chan smells the familiar scent of diesel and exhaust gases in the air. The fresh sting of October cold mixes in well.
The car smells like fresh leather and pine trees, the air freshener dangles slightly around the rear view mirror as the driver starts the car pulls into traffic. Chan sinks into the leather of the seat and sighs quietly, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the window. The moon peeks through the clouds, following him slowly home, at least that Chan tells himself. As a child he always imagined the moon would follow him to make sure he would arrive safely. Now, Chan likes to indulge in that fantasy, at least for a few minutes while his mind fades into the exhaustion. He remembers that, as a kid, he would fall asleep like this and then his dad would carry him into the house. He would set him down on the bed and Berry would cuddle up to him as he would drift further into a dream of colors and happy memories. Chan exhales quietly and forces his eyes open, knowing nobody will carry him up three flights of stairs. Not anymore. He doesn't mind, now he is the one doing the carrying; helping Jisung into his bed when he had one too many drinks, or carrying Felix on his back after a tough session in the dance room.
Chan flexes his fingers and listens to the quiet crackle of the radio, listens to the beats on it and the familiar sounds of some of the songs. He recognizes a few, but he is too tired to actually put names to them, so he just hums to himself and glances out into the street again. He watches headlights flash by, watches the streetlights of Seoul pass and his mind goes through a million thoughts before it lingers on one: Home. He shifts again, in his seat and with a quiet grunt, and pulls out his phone. Felix reacted to his message with a heart, but that is all he got for a reaction. Chan sighs as he thinks about the possible things his second family could be up to. Hyunjin and Changbin are probably already in their beds, both filled with the leftovers Chan had handed Changbin before he left, and Seungmin and Felix are probably still up playing League. Jisung and Minho are doing whatnot — Chan is never really sure what exactly they do — and Jeongin… Chan shrugs his jacket in place and licks his lips. The youngest is either dead asleep or waiting for Chan in the living room.
A small smile tugs on Chan's lips as he thinks about it. Jeongin, ready to fall asleep, waiting for him on the couch — to be the one that gives him his present first. Chan rubs his nose and blinks at the time. Ten minutes left as they pull up in front of the apartment building. He can't see a single light in the windows, which is not surprising. Their apartment faces the other side. Chan groans and grabs his back. "Thank you. Have a nice night guys." He smiles and slips out of the car. His bodyguard follows him up to the door, even though it seems completely unnecessary in Chan's exhausted brain. "Have a nice night, sir." The man says and Chan smiles, nodding before he slips into the building and starts climbing the stairs. His sneakers scratch against the tiles of the steps as he does and his breath echoes quietly through the stairwell. His hand clings to the railing as he shoves himself up and up and up until he reaches the grey door with the small little Number 6 on it. He fiddles with his keys and shoves the one for the door into the lock.
Just as he pushes the door open, Chan is sure he heard something rustling inside the apartment, but when he waits for a moment, there is nothing to hear. He pushes the door open, slips into the small hallway and closes the door again. The small light by the storage door flicker on thanks to the motion detector. Soft, warm light spills into the small narrow room as Chan pushes his shoes off and places them on the rag next to the cupboard. He frowns a little at the small gap of the door, he is sure that it should be closed completely, and gives it a small push. When it budges ever so slightly, Chan shrugs. He will take a look at it tomorrow, after he had slept. He hangs up his jacket and drags himself into the apartment. Its silent and dark, only the small mood lamp on the counter flickers in a gentle orange. Chan rubs his face and clears his throat before he drags himself right past the living area and down the hall into his bedroom. He puts his phone down on the charging station and puts his backpack down by the desk before he grabs his pajamas and shuffles into the bathroom.
Three Minutes. Chan blinks and leans down and drops into his bed, blanket puffing out around him. He stares at the wall for a moment and smiles a little. He thinks about how blessed he is with the boys, how much they mean to him and how they kept him afloat. He swallows and rubs his chest a little before closing his eyes. His phone buzzes a few times, Chan knows it must be his sister. Hannah always wants to be the first one and then she is too early. She has been like that since she knew what birthday meant. Always waking up Chan way too early and giving him wet kisses on the cheek and gifts he saw her make in kindergarten. He misses her, today and all the other days. He misses the way she would screech in his ear and then shove him so he would make room in his bed so she could drop her plushies and herself onto him and giggle with him until his mother would tell her to go back to sleep. Chan clears his throat ever so slightly, shifts a little and shakes his head against his pillow.
Berry. He misses the old lady even more. Her soft fur, the way her ears would pop up every time someone would say his name and when his voice reaches her. He misses pressing his face against her belly, inhaling and feeling at home. Safe. He misses his mother and his father. He misses Lucas, the way his little brother would look up to him and hold on to him. Now he has Jisung to do that, just not as small. Chan blinks when he hears the creak of his door, his head turns right in time for a heavy body dropping down onto him. "Happy Birthday!" It's Hyunjin, his figure pressing right against him and his lips press a gentle kiss against Chan's cheek. Chan lets out a breathless laugh, which only gets pushed out more when another weight is added to them. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Jisung almost screams. Changbin's voice cuts him off with a stern "SHHH" before Chan feels the other man press against his side. And then there is Seungmin, who curls up between him and Changbin, wrapping his arms around Chan, Hyunjin and Jisung. On his other side, Felix grins against Chan's ear. "Happy Birthday!" He muses and then the familiar scent of Minho's perfume mixes in. "Make room, I wanna be in there too!" Jeongin protests and before Chan can even choke out a word, another weight adds to him.
"Guys.." Chan gasps for air and lets out a breathless chuckle before he sniffles. "What are you doing here?" He brings out and somewhere to his right, someone huffs. Chan is sure its Minho. "You didn't think that the cuddle pile would be history, did you?" The cuddle pile. Chan snorts quietly as his fingers curl into the fabric of Hyunjin's shirt. "No but…" He starts to protest. "No but. This is family tradition." Seungmin grunts and Jisung makes an agreeing sound above him. "Exactly. I want my Channie cuddles on his special day!" He grins, Chan can hear it in his voice. He grunts as they all shuffle even closer, Hyunjin right against his chest. He can feel his heartbeat, can hear his breath right next to Felix's breath against his ear. He swallows and closes his eyes again. He takes in the pressure on top of him, the weight against him from two sides and for a moment, just a brief inhale, Chan is back in Australia.
He remembers his last birthday before he left for Korea and his heart clenches where it sits behind his chest cavity. Homesickness, the kind he hadn't felt since he was fifteen, spreads through him and then he feels something wet drag down his temple. "Chan-ah…" Changbin's voice dances into his ears and the concern in it makes him swallow hard. "I'm okay, I'm good." He mutters and turns his head to hide his face against Hyunjin's neck. Someone squirms above him, a pair of cold feet press against his calf and another pair of hands press against his chest. "You are crying.." Felix mumbles and Chan sniffles, lets out another breathless laugh. "I am just…" He grabs at anything he can hold from them. "Thank you." He mutters and the others cuddle impossibly closer. "We know you miss home today specifically." Seungmin mutters and somewhere from above, Jisung hums. "We are your home here, hyung!" He says and Chan licks his lips. "Yeah, we are your family." Jeongin agrees and everyone in the pile agrees in a hum or something else.
Chan rubs his nose against Hyunjin's neck and sniffles even more. "I love you guys so much.." mumbles. "Great, now he is getting sappy again." Minho grunts and Changbin lets out a choked laugh. Chan can't help it, he starts laughing quietly too and then Hyunjin joins in, then Felix and Jeongin and Jisung before Seungmin snorts and then even Minho joins in the laughter. And they all just lay there, in Chan's bed and laugh while Chan fights against the feelings in his chest. He isn't sad, no, if anything Chan feels the happiest he has ever felt and he can not believe his luck — that is what makes the tears fall. Of course he misses his family, he misses Australia, but he has another family here and they make up for it in so many ways. He sniffles and presses a kiss against Hyunjin's neck before he sucks in air and lets out a relieved laugh. "You guys are really something." He mumbles and gasps for air when Jisung's knee presses against his side. "But as much as I love this, I really need to breathe!"
"Booo…" Jisung whines and Hyunjin lets out a cackles. "No breathing for you!" He adds as Seungmin's fingers pinch his nose. Chan gasps for air and Felix starts laughing again, this time more airy. "I am dying, help!" Chan protests and they all chuckle before they all start move around. This time less weight is pressing against Chan's chest, but the boys are still surrounding him. "So…" Chan mumbles and exhales. "You all just snuck in here to congratulate me?" He whispers and Felix pokes his cheek while Jeongin's head pops up. "Of course." he nods and Changbin presses his chin against Seungmin's shoulder. "And to cuddle. We haven't done that in a while!" He grins. Chan snorts and wipes his nose. "True…" he murmurs and closes his eyes again, leaning into the warmth of the seven other boys.
"We should do this daily." Jisung whispers after a long while of silence, where Chan was about to drift into sleep. "I would eat you by day two." Seungmin grumbles. "Hey. Only I can eat him!" Minho protest and like clockwork, Felix snaps up in a sleepy voice. "Nope. I get the first bite over here!" Chan smiles to himself, breath brushing his neck. "You okay?" Hyunjin whispers against his skin while the others argues quietly. Chan squeezes Hyunjin's waist. "Better than okay." He mumbles and smiles.
When Chan opens his eyes, heavy and full with the desire for sleep, he can see a glimpse of the moon outside. It is covered in tiny clouds, surrounding him. Chan would bet, if he could count them now, there would be seven of them. Just like he is surrounded by seven. A blanket for him, made out of body heat, muscles and limbs, draped around and over him ever so lovingly. Chan smiles, closes his eyes and lets out a very heavy breath.
Home.