Work Text:
It is cold outside. The sky has been overcast with black clouds since this morning, as if the world itself is mourning alongside them. It hasn’t begun to rain yet.
Ellis stands on the side, a small row of people to his right. They all wear black, like the earth beneath or the sky above. At the closed casket, a priest is speaking, offering words to try and comfort the living. But Ellis isn’t listening. He tunes it out, staring at the white flowers in his hands, the only color in this world of black.
It wasn’t easier getting out of bed, knowing what he had to attend today. Beside him, Ms. Becker’s crying, Ellis’ own mother hugging her and whispering something. Everyone has tear-stricken faces. A few drops of rain hit Ellis’ coat.
It’s stupid.
The priest stops talking, and Ellis steps forward. Every eye is on him, but he only watches the casket in front of him. There are personal mementoes here; letters and medals and things that Tony carried throughout his life. The flowing ribbon attached to the flower bouquet says, In Loving Memory Of.
So stupid.
There isn’t even anyone in this casket. The only thing that’s in there are a few internal organs that were found in the dumpster in a rundown alleyway somewhere. How is he supposed to say goodbye to a few pieces of intestines and kidneys? Is he supposed to pretend Tony’s in there? They’re acting like he is, but he isn’t. And nothing is going to change that.
Ellis doesn’t cry unlike the clouds. He doesn’t mourn unlike the others. He carelessly throws the flowers on top of the casket, they slide off, and he turns around without saying a word. He walks past everyone; they’re all looking at him, asking, Why is he like this? Why can’t he join them in their grief?
Ellis doesn’t want to drown here with them. He’s been drowning alone for a long time. It’s time for them to experience the same while he makes his way back to the surface.
Small raindrops land on his hair, face, shoulders, and hands. The soft gravel crunches underneath his boots and he reaches the car. He silently steps inside, and watches the rain drop, drop, drop from the backseat window.