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The brisk night air sends goosebumps up your skin, pulling the jacket around yourself just a little bit tighter. Your quivering bottom lip is barely contained by your teeth, holding back any sounds that might escape your mouth. You’d been blinking back tears for the better part of an hour while the others were settling down for bed, and now that the party was all asleep in their rooms, you finally could make time for yourself on the balcony and let it go.
Meryl and Wolfwood were in the next room over, no doubt completely conked out by now- those two never had trouble napping in the car. Vash was paired with you in your own room, and he always tended to be restless for a while before he could fall asleep. Whenever he was your designated roommate, you could hear sheets rustling for a good chunk of the night before it turned into the soft, stable breathing of sleep.
Feeling your hands and face tense, the first tear swells in the corner of your eye, falling down your cheek as you hang your head in embarrassment. You’d always avoided being vulnerable in front of the others; they all usually did the same, so you’d felt the need to do so as well. Didn’t want to disturb the peace, right? As much as you wanted to express your more personal feelings with the people around you, there was never the time nor the place that ever felt quite right.
Leaning on the railing of the balcony, you keep a firm grip on your jacket as you try your best to cry quietly. The warm tears, now dripping much more in abundance than before, immediately turned cold and clung to your flushed cheeks with the chilly wind. The outside temperature mixed with your emotional distress made your nose start to run, forcing you to sniffle, as much as you hated to make any audible noise.
“Y/N?”
You froze in place, your whole body tensing upon hearing Vash’s voice. You instinctively turn your head away, despite knowing he’s probably already aware of your emotional state. Please just go back to bed, you think, I don’t have the energy to explain this to you right now.
He stands there silently for a moment, observing your noticeably different demeanor, his sympathetic eyes skimming over your figure to gauge your body language.
“Is…everything okay?”
You bite back a sniffle, making your nose drip onto your hand beneath you. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be alright.”
“But you’re not alright right now.” He stands next to you, keeping a small respectful space between you and taking up the same position with his arms on the railing. “You wanna talk about it?”
You shrug. “Not...really, I guess. I don’t even know what I’d say.”
He nods slightly and sympathetically. If anyone knew anything about how complex and confusing emotions could be, it’s him. “I get it.”
You wanted so desperately to be reassured and comforted, to be touched and hugged and held and told that everything was going to be okay. Even if it wasn’t the truth. Is it the truth? You didn’t know, and he certainly didn’t either. But you knew he always tried his best to keep his chin up and continue on, no matter the cost.
You swallow and wipe your sleeve on your cheeks, trying to look presentable as you briefly glance over at him. “How….how do you do it? How do you keep going after all you’ve been through? How have you not gone insane by now?”
He huffs. “Who says I haven’t?”
You mirror his expression with a shrug.
“I get what you mean, though, Y/N. It’s hard. Everything. But I keep going because…it’s all I can do. And it’s all you can do, as well. It sounds stupid. But it’s simple.”
You scoot a little bit closer to Vash. His presence was always so grounding, knowing that through everything, he always remains unchanged.
He puts a hand on your shoulder, moving down to stroke your back slightly, offering a small compassionate smile. “You’re strong, Y/N, and you’re going to be okay.”
“But you don’t know that. You don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“You’re right, I don’t. But I know that you’re going to make it okay because your life is what you make of it. And you...”
He moves his arm up to wrap over your shoulder.
“...always do what’s best.”
With his words, he manages to exacerbate your crying, and you pull him in with both arms and start to sob into his chest. He blinks for a second before embracing you, hugging you more firmly than you’d expected. A soft sigh escapes him and he leans the side of his head against yours.
“Sorry…I didn’t mean to make it worse. I just meant that…you’re smart and passionate and I trust that you make the best decisions that you can, ya know?”
You nod and sigh in relief. He was right. Whether or not things turned out okay were up to the decisions you make, and he would be right there with you no matter what you decided. “Thank you.”
You both stand in silence for a minute, a silent embrace warming the cold bodies on the balcony; two people who had been through an unimaginable amount of things, continuing to take on the world together, choosing to continue on through it all. The fabric on his shirt underneath you felt wet, and you realized it was from your tears when you pulled away to see a spot where your face was.
“Shit, I’m sorry…”
“Psh, don’t worry about it. Just water. It’ll dry. Let’s go inside, hm?”
Wordlessly, you nod again as you follow him in, sitting on the edge of your own bed, watching him settle back in under his sheets after giving your back another few pats. He stops and chuckles at you staring, pulling the sheet over him up as an invitation. “You wanna sleep next to me tonight?”
You chew on your lip with a small smile as you join him under the warm covering, huddling up to him with another sniffle. Despite all the metal plates and wires across his skin, snuggling with him was surprisingly warm and soft, the most comfort you’d had in a long time.
“Goodnight Vash.”
“Goodnight Y/N.”