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It wasn’t that life on the meteor was particularly stressful; in fact most days it almost bordered on boring, but, as Kanaya had long since realized, the solace provided by comforts of home came as a relief nonetheless. The trickle of running water hitting kitchenware muted the rest of the meteor to a hum, the chattering, the bickering, even Rose’s loving jibes of “You know, we have a machine that washes those, darling,” all but nonexistent while she cleaned.
The troll closed her eyes in content, allowing her hands to idly scrub while she basked in a rare moment of pure solitude.
“Yo Kanaya, wassup?”
A moment of solitude destined to end before it had scarcely begun, it would seem.
“Hello, David.” To keep cordial required more effort than she was getting credit for. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Eh. Just taking a walk. You know how it goes, right?” His hands stuffed in the pockets of his godtier pajamas, he shrugged, leaving Kanaya in disbelief that her relaxation was interrupted so that Dave Strider could pretend he didn’t have a purpose for intruding. She’d alchemized this kitchen far from the common areas of the meteor to avoid this exact thing.
“I’m sure I do.” The dishes in the sink were much harder to focus on now, but Kanaya did her best, if only to avoid giving the human the satisfaction of her interest. He sat down at the kitchen table and propped up his legs. Polite as ever, Strider.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“I assume you mean in addition to the several you’ve already asked.”
He shot her a finger-gun accompanied by a ‘tch’. “Point: Kanaya.”
“Very well then.”
Dave’s words were slow, cautious to a degree she didn’t know the human could handle, like they were, for once, meant not to impress as he sped on to the next gem of a statement, but to linger, to be responded to. “How do the… quadrants work?”
As much as she did love going on about the nuances of the quadrants, for a few moments, Kanaya could not respond. Dave Strider showing what appeared to be a genuine interest in something? She never imagined she’d see the day.
“Perhaps… Karkat could provide better answers-”
“No!” It was shouted immediately, piquing the troll’s curiosity. Before an opportunity to ask presented itself though, Dave had backpedaled, arm reaching to scratch the back of his head dare-she-say nervously? “C’mon, we both know Karkat doesn’t actually know shit about romance. Dude just pretends to cover up the fact that the closest thing he has to ‘romantic experience’ Liberal finger quotes. “is the time he tried to blackdate his future self. Idiot.” Against her better judgment, Kanaya chuckled.
It would be interesting to learn about the oddities of human romance her matesprite hadn’t gotten into, she had to admit. Rose’s descriptions were highly creative, but her brother had a certain bluntness to his descriptions that, intentional or not, was quite helpful for learning about human culture. “I… suppose I could try to provide you some answers.”
Almost immediately, he relaxed. “Cool, thanks K-Dog.”
Fighting back her grimace took a self-control she didn’t know she had.
“What is it you’d like to know?”
Again, Dave took a moment before answering. “How… how do you know which one it is? When you… y’know, feel it?”
How? It was a fascinating question, one she’d never considered too heavily. “We just know, I suppose. It’s always been a part of our culture, so there’s not much to figure out.” She thought back to Dave’s sister, and how, even though she had become an instant thorn in Kanaya’s side, their feelings were undeniably red. “Is there someone specific you have in mind?”
Equally red were the human’s cheeks, which had turned the shade of cherries. “Pfft, c’mon, I’m just trying to be a model ambassador of human culture here. We here at Strider Airlines fly solo, thank ya very much.”
Ah.
It should have been clear from the moment he brought up the quadrants that he was thinking about a specific someone, a hot-blooded loud-mouthed specific male someone. This of course, was so unimportant to Kanaya it took her a minute to figure out why he would lie, but she had seen enough human movies in recent months to understand roughly what was going on. Humans, men particularly, seemed to be afraid to the point of paranoia at even the notion of entering a quadrant with another man, and Dave seemed to be the strongest proof of this being a reality that she’d yet seen.
That… actually explained quite a bit. Dave and Karkat had taken to each other’s company with surprising glee, considering it was an emotion she didn’t think either of them were capable of, and everyone on the meteor, herself included, had long rooted for them to get together. No one knew why, after a year, it hadn’t happened yet, and all were too nervous to ask, in case it was a personal topic. Finally, though, Kanaya understood, even if Dave didn’t quite yet. Better play it safe.
“Oh? Not even one Terezi Pyrope is a passenger?” Humans were unbelievably fragile. Yes, Terezi was the object of his affections, Terezi who he talked to maybe five minutes a day, often exchanging gossip and doodles with little more than friendly smirks. A romance for the ages, to be sure. However, droll internal monologue aside, Kanaya was nothing if not an accommodating hostess, and powered through the inquiry without so much as rolling her eyes.
“Yeah well, maybe Terezi… Look, all I’m saying is I have some opinion of her, but I don’t know like, what it is?”
That would probably make him the only person on the meteor that didn’t. “Here,” she suggested, reaching for the pie cooling on the counter. “This may take some time.”
At first, he almost seemed to wince, and Kanaya feared she had committed a grave multicultural faux pas, but it had been Rose who had introduced her to the confections in the first place so it seemed unlikely. Preference then? Doubtful, as it was an apple pie, Dave’s favorite flavor according to anyone who had ever been within earshot of him.
Could it be that it was just that – a pie? Something sweet and comforting as opposed to the bland and therefore somehow “tougher” earth-Doritos he’d lived off of for six sweeps. 13 years. That absurd obsession with harshness and masculinity couldn’t possibly be coming into play here, could it? She cut a slice of pastry and gracefully shoved it in front of him.
“Why don’t you explain your “opinions” (even “feelings” was more than he could admit to. How did the human race survive as long as it had?) “I’ll tell you what quadrant, if any, it sounds like.”
“Yeah okay.” He nervously picked at the pie. “I,” A sigh. “…like Terezi.”
“Alright.” Well, it was sort of a breakthrough?
“It’s… cool to spend time with her… and things seem safe when she’s around.”
Astounding. “Well, ‘safe’ probably rules out kismesisstitude. Do you feel that any of her quadrants are harmful or could become harmful?”
“I mean, I think we can pretty much all agree that Vriska and Gamzee are objectively terrible, if that ever becomes a thing, but I don’t know, not really? It’s not like, the first or last thing I think about in a day or whatever that bullshit is.” The troll had no clue what bullshit he was talking about, but didn’t particularly care either.
“What is the last thing you think about in a day, David?” At the name, he rolled his eyes. Rose had started it, a leftover from their old snark-offs, and Kanaya, with her love of formalities and inability to fully get sarcasm, had taken to it with more zeal than his sister ever had.
He took a tentative bite of pie. “Nothing like, quadrant related or anything, just can town business? Being assistant to the mayor is a taxing job, y’know. We just added a new wing, so shit’s been pretty busy. Taxes, laws, y’know.” Ah, the town he and his definitely-not-flush-crush spent most days building. It was as adorable as it was unsurprising. “Plus there’s Karkat to deal with.” He tried very hard, to his credit, to sound annoyed about it. “Dude is literally incapable of being quiet.”
She placed a fist to her chin and pretended to think about it. "Then that leaves matespritship or moirallegiance."
"Okay, but..." He paused. "It's not the love one." Oh, whatever you say, Strider. But she knew for his sake had to take things slow
"You’re sure your feelings aren't red? Then it would seem you are pale for Terezi, congratulations. Anything other element of troll culture I can help you understand?"
Kanaya made a show of cleaning the spare plates from the table until the anticipated "Wait..." halted her. "I don't think i do? I mean I want to help her with her emotional baggage like the best bellhop in paradox space, but it's not priority number one or anything?"
This was beginning to sound like a broken soundplate. "And what *is* prior-"
The answer came immediately, something he'd definitely thought about. "Spending time with- her. Like, we're not gonna be on the meteor forever, y’know? And I wanna hang out while we have the chance, and before whatever might go down in the new universe goes down.” There was fear in Dave’s tone, a genuine fear that she tried hard to ignore, for it was one that made all of them uneasy. The new universe was full of villains and dangers, and no one was sure if they would survive it. This made his answer seem all the more bittersweet, assuming he was being honest in all but pronouns. All the guy wanted was to spend some time with his would-be-matesprite before they both possibly died.
No. she mentally berated herself. Now was not the time to think about that.
Dave snuck in a bite of pie while she gazed somewhere far off, struggling to center her thoughts in reality. "Er, What makes you sure these feelings are not red, then?”
His cheeks certainly were. “I just, uh… It’s not, I don’t know. That’s not how I roll, I guess. My life isn’t that shitty Made of Honor movie where the dude falls in love with his chick best friend. Or I guess any of those shitty romcoms, like, ten of them have had that plot, it’s just way too overdone, y’know? Plus, I can’t be tied down to a motherfucker like that.” Not even tied down by a motherfucker like- No, no¸ present Kanaya, focus on the present.
She figured it was time she took the risk. “Have you told Karkat your feelings for him are only platonic? He’ll be disappointed to hear it.”
“Eh, I don’t know, I doubt he really gives half a shit about m-” He froze mid-shrug, and although sunglasses covered his eyes, they widened. A clatter of silverware could be heard as he flew out of his seat and onto the ground behind it. “Whoa, yo, I didn’t say anything about Karkat, I was just mentioning his movies for reference and shit. We were talking about Terezi, right? Like, I don’t know, me and Rez haven’t talked in awhile so I haven’t told her how I might feel, that’s what I’m saying!”
Kanaya clasped her hands together with mock-innocence. “Were we talking about Terezi?”
“That’s what I said!” His face was as bright red as she’d seen humans’ bizarre blood get, and he tripped over the words, few though they were.
She sighed. This was going to be tedious, Kanaya had known that from the onset, but Dave proved more stubborn than she’d given him credit for. No wonder he saw so much in her rancorous moirail. “You are aware that my entire race cares very little for the gender of our quadrantmates, yes?” Of all things to get hung up about, something as irrelevant as gender.
“Augh, I know! But it’s- like…” Good, Dave was starting to break. “different for humans. It’s more of a thing, like with a capital T, and it’s a Thing that I am definitely not. Karkat is just my bro, okay?” He said it in a huff, but wouldn’t meet Kanaya’s eyes.
Barely a question and he’d flown off the proverbial handle. “What did you come here to have me say, Dave? Because if you wanted to reassure yourself that there is no way your feelings for Karkat are romantic, you will have to do so without my help.”
More than anything, he seemed angry. Such hostility was almost second-nature to trolls, but what caused it was beyond foreign. “I’m not, though! I’m not.”
“Why-”
“I can’t be!”
She softened at that, crossing the room to offer him a pat on the shoulder. Given his history of unapologetic stoicism, she wasn’t sure it would do much good, but he fell against her, aggression all-but drained now. “Why can’t I be? This is so fucking stupid!” It was, and she barely had the slightest clue how to help anymore, but she wouldn’t desert him in the midst of a crisis. She held him tightly, the way that worked in Karkat’s terrible human films, and his heartbeat seemed to return to something that sounded a lot less terrified. He gave a dry laugh. “Jesus, if Bro could see me now, he would kick the shit out of me.”
Kanaya’s eyes widened as his fear made sense for the first time. Brothers, admittedly, were as new of a concept as this whole “heterosexuality” nonsense was, but Dave’s “Bro” had been built up in his tales as a cold formidable figure that could rival any adult from her own murderous warrior race. The false ideal that Dave and many other humans, at least fictitious ones, aspired to was often vague and faceless, but a lusus-figure threatening bodily harm for not striving for said ideal? That was more than an unspoken whisper of what should be. It was something to fear, to hide from. However, it was also something that no longer seemed to exist.
“Dave, he’s not…” Alive? “… here anymore.” It was what he seemed to need, but his fists balled in her shirt. “He can’t…” Hurt you? “do anything about it.”
Dave fell to his seat without a sound, head in his hand. “I know.” The sun protectors that had guarded his face even during the absence of any sun had slipped a little, allowing Kanaya to see his swollen eyes for the first time, damp with tears. For a long while, she didn't pressure him to speak, but couldn't seem to break the silence either. Had it been too harsh? Was the demise of his lusus-bro still off-limits for polite conversation? Shit.
“I am sorry for you, that he died. I- I didn’t mean to sound insensitive.”
His distant stare didn’t leave the table. “Don’t be sorry.” Oh? He remained completely frozen. The initial reaction of the troll was to give him space, but she froze midstep, genuinely unsure whether to get closer or not. The juxtaposition of the comforting pie wafting up to him as he struggled to redeem his composure seemed to hit them both at the same time, and to Kanaya’s relief, he took another bite as the mood lightened.
By this point, his glasses were pushed up nearly to his forehead, and hair askew, he lifted his crimson eyes to look at hers and flashed the toothy smirk she’d gotten used to over the year they’d spent together. “Y’know what? He was an asshole.”
“Honestly, he always sounded like one.”
Dave laughed.
Less-than-ideal parental types were of course, the norm for trollkind, but even for her standards, he had been an unpleasant figure. Until this point, Dave spoke of the man with the highest praise, hearing no alternatives and accepting no criticisms, and it was just another of this afternoon’s surprises to hear him admit it. Truthfully, it was a bit more surprising than Kanaya had signed up for, and she gestured toward the doorway.
“Perhaps… Rose would be more helpful than I.”
“No! Don’t get Rose,” he rushed out. “She’s a little... harsh when it comes to stuff like this.” Fair enough. Her matesprite’s abrasiveness, by its very nature, wasn’t best applied to all situations. Kanaya patiently took a seat. She was out of her element now, and they both sort of knew it, but considering his limited options, she did have the most understanding of both healthy relationships and troll romance, and, most importantly, she was here, the only one around to witness this moment of his, though whether it was a breakthrough or a breakdown, neither were sure. But she was here nonetheless, and that meant she would help him get through this and finally ask out the troll of his dreams, no matter how long it took for him to realize Karkat was that troll.
"I can't be gay though," he reasoned, mostly to himself. "I like girls? And not even in a five year old way where you say you like girls because one shared her goddamn crackers and juice with you kind of way, like a straight up ‘a girl could murder me and I'd probably thank her’ kinda way, and not like suicide-y, I guess, but because girls are too fucking prime, y’know?”
Kanaya had made a point to stop paying attention several minutes ago. "Your attraction to people does not rely on their gender." Was this really so bizarre for humans?
"Huh?"
"My species are the same way. The gender of a potential quadrantmate is rarely a deciding factor. Some of us have our preferences, of course, but for the most part it's an irrelevant aspect."
“Can I, uh… do that? As a human?”
“I mean, you’re one of eight humans, so I suppose you can do whatever you want.” Yet old cultural norms were hard to break, as she, who could scarcely believe she constituted one fifth of her entire species’ population, knew well, with the way they’d all stayed more-or-less committed to the quadrants. “But even so, Rose says it’s most similar to your human bisexuality?”
Dave looked visibly surprised, as if he had scarcely remembered such a concept existed.
“Huh.”
“Rather simple, isn’t it?” Kanaya felt pleased with herself. He was content, as content as she’d seen him, at least, and she leaned back to bask in it a little.
"Do I have to like other guys?"
Her eyes snapped shut. "Excuse me."
"Other guys? Do I have to start liking other guys now or is just one okay? I'm gonna be honest with ya, Kanaya I don't know I’m up for that.” He paused briefly, not long enough for her to decline. “What are my options even? That psycho juggalo that lives in the pipes? I don’t even know what gender the mayor is, but I don’t think I’d be down to clown with the mayor. Or the clown.”
If it was someone else, anyone else, Kanaya may have passed it off as a joke, but with Dave, she’d realized, it was likely to be a genuine concern. Not that he was dimwitted; on the contrary, he was much more intelligent than she’d initially given humans credit for. He just had a tendency to overthink things, far past the point of rationality, and needed someone around to keep him from going off on his bizarre tangents. A low bullshit tolerance was one of the reasons Karkat made a surprisingly compatible matesprite for him.
“There’s no quota, no. You… do realize there aren’t rules to this, right?”
A tiny nod. “Yeah, that, that makes sense. Duh.” The pie, the other fruit of Kanaya’s labor this afternoon, was a comfort after all the questions about himself he was barely prepared to ask, and in the moments while he ate, she remembered that they hadn’t climbed the whole mountain yet.
“So what now?”
He shrugged, not pausing. “Shit, I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, y’know?”
“Well… you’re going to tell him, I hope?” Dave had stopped flinching when she used male pronouns, a notable improvement.
This time he didn’t try to hide his blush. “What?! Make him think I’m an idiot and laugh about it with the Mayor ? Hell no. We’re all gonna be on this meteor for like, another two years, and I’m not having everyone giving me looks in the hallways like they know this thing about me, this very personal-type thing, after he inevitably tells everyone.”
He was scared, and like many other of his emotions, today marked the first time she’d seen it. “You… genuinely don’t think he returns your feelings?”
A pitiful snort. “You think he does?”
Kanaya sighed at the ceiling, crossing her arms in disbelief. “Dave, I imagine red flirting differs from human and troll culture, but surely you’ve noticed hints of something?” Her voice was dry of all its usual brightness, though he failed to hear this.
The expression he gave her was gravely serious. “Do you mean to say that Karkat has been putting the moves on me? Like is that the vibe I’m gettin’ here?”
“That or he’s as oblivious as you are, and I have a hard time believing that.”
He paused a moment, more perplexed than anything. Giddy hadn’t yet reached the realm of possibility for the blonde, it would seem. “Are… you sure?”
“The two of you watch redromantic movies nearly every day.”
“Yeah, ‘cause Karkat likes ‘em and I like to make fun of them.”
She sighed. “You sleep on the couch together!”
He shrugged. “Our rooms are far.”
“You spend hours of the day holding hands.”
That caused him to sputter in defense. “Hey, that is only because I’m teaching him to scratch records, not fair.”
This was unbelievable. “You’ve been doing it for a year now, David.”
“He’s… really bad at it? I don’t know.” The look she gave him was lethal, and in a spark of adrenaline, it hit him. “Shit. You’re right.”
The fact that it had taken this long and an intervention to realize it was almost enough to make her storm off, but she remained still. There was a time for that soon, hopefully. She smirked.
“I’m aware. Now, what are you going to go to the common area and do?” Kanaya’s hands gestured forward, urging him to answer with what they both knew he truly wanted.
“Uh… wait, right now?” He immediately shrunk back to the nervous wreck he’d been for a good chunk of his visit, but no, this was more than enough of his hemming and hawing for one day.
“Yes, Dave, right now.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, that’s like. . .a relationship? I don’t know if I’m ready for that shit, I just realized he liked me, like five minutes ago.”
“Yes,” she spat through gritted teeth. “You are. You like being with him. You enjoy spending your time with him. He makes you feel safe. If in two years, as we all possibly lay dying at the hands of some all-powerful villain, I have to hear you complain about how you wish you could have spent your last sweeps with a matesprite and lamenting yourself for never trolling the fuck up and going through with it,” she narrowed her eyes, more in exhaustion than real malice. “I will kill you myself.”
“Okay. Yeah, I can do this…” He gulped, finishing off the apple pie before lifting his communicator to his face with a shaking arm. “Hey Karkat, you free?”
The response was muffled through the foam ass adorned to the human’s wrist, but clear enough for them both to understand perfectly. “No Dave, as a matter of fact, I am a very busy troll and have things going on in my life besides whatever drivel you’re about to suggest to my hear ducts.”
The human beamed. He didn’t mean a word of it. Dave shot Kanaya a last wave and mouthed “thank you,” as he stepped outside, and she at last reveled in the comfort of a deep breath.
“Sure, buddy. You ever see Made Of Honor?”