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The first thing she notes is the acrid taste of alcohol.
It spreads across Hyuna's pale lips as the uncertain haze sets in — wine, beer, whiskey all coddling up into one big blob of 'I don't know's as the world spins. For Mizi, that is.
Hyuna looks perfectly fine, if not, as her normal self, with her half-lidded eyes boring down into hers. And her upturned smile pressed against the pink-haired girl's own lips. But it doesn't feel…
Real.
Mizi doesn't remember what had happened previously. She's never had this strange substance before, and it tasted to odd. Yet she couldn't resist it when her body urged her to swallow every gulp that came, without a care for the present.
Hyuna had tackled the bottle out of her grasp once Mizi reached her fifth bottle, trying to de-escalate the situation as Mizi was crying her eyes out over something. As both women stared at each other, Hyuna kept slurring about something. Mizi can't really tell what's happening, sh only knows that everything's blurry. With great disappointment clouding her face, and for just a second, she felt Sua's disappointment radiating off her—
And yet, Mizi still wanted more.
What a fool, she really was.
Hyuna had forcibly dragged Mizi off the floor of the Rebellion's lobby and lobbed her into her room to calm the other woman down. She had wanted to talk to her, to talk about Mizi's shitty behaviour.
And what did Mizi do? She didn't know what she was thinking, kissing the other woman whilst still being terribly drunk.
"Mizi." Hyuna's breathless chuckle erupts out of her mouth like second nature, hands steadily gripping her shoulders as the two shuffle back onto the hard backside of the couch, knocking down a couple green bottles that tumbled and shook with a bang.
Mizi's uncertain eyes blink once, then twice, trying to focus on the woman who was now on top—or was it her?—as their lips come crashing down once again. The fleeting feel of desperation and want consumes her waking days.
Sua wasn't like this at all.
No, Sua was different. Sua was gentle, and kind, and soft. She treaded life with caution and treated Mizi with discredition, as if afraid of ruining her only worshipper.
Her god, her universe, handled her with such delicacy that it felt holy. She felt so divine, so god-like.
It felt like a prayer on Mizi's being, like a trance placed in her wake.
And despite longing, embracing, loving her god — it was never reciprocated fully. At least, not physically.
The Anakt Garden despised distractions; their love was an example of it friendships were hardly tolerated when everyone was busy preparing to die in the singing arena of Alien Stage itself.
The rebellion wasn't like that. They were welcoming and free, something she had never felt before. They allowed her to be careless, unrestricted, uninhibited.
They were like the wind that Mizi had envied so much, and feeling herself tread the same path felt now so...
Weird. Queer. Bizarre.
Sua, Till, Ivan — they would've loved this life... Mizi thinks, thoughts drifting back to Hyuna.
Oh, Hyuna...
Well, Mizi couldn't set her mind on how to feel about the woman.
She was kind, whimsical, delightful to be around. But she was also rough and coarse, commanding and decisive.
And right now, her decision was to let her callous fingers pinch, squeeze, scrape against Mizi's arms — biting into it like she was marking her with her nails instead of her own fangs yet not harsh enough to draw blood.
She thrashed like wildfire, unpredictable with her movements yet she also reeked of desperation; clawing at Mizi to hold herself back from thinking about something.
Or someone.
Sua… Mizi thinks, eyes brimming that threatened to fall as they kissed. What would you think of me now?
Would she be glad she's moved on?
Or disappointed at the fact that she was strugggling to remember any ounce of affection she once held for her, as Hyuna ravages her.
Perhaps betrayed at the idea of that Mizi just wasn't as desperate for her, as Sua was for her could move on so quickly.
But there was no Sua to judge her decisions.
There was only Hyuna.
And god, she felt good right now.
Hyuna…
The other woman reaches to rest her hands on Mizi's chest, lips pruned into a tight line as she notices her hazy state. "Mizi, I—"
"No, don't…" Mizi shakes her head, her outstretched fingers curling onto Hyuna's hand that rested on her chest. That singular motion sparked the limitless desire that consumed them both, ravaging onto each other to be rid of the past that lingered on.
And Mizi allows herself to let go, to not think about Sua.
She allows herself to be selfishly free.
And when the next day comes, with the gust of wind that blows over their covers as a slight glimpse of the sun shines where they awaken and kiss for the last time they will never talk about what had happened again.
Hyuna will still look at her in the eyes like nothing had happened.
She will continue to act carelessly as she had before.
She will continue to move on like the damn cool woman she is.
And perhaps it would be a good thing.
So that when Mizi trudges through the streets in the future, shattered and lifeless, she can cling onto the memory of when she felt free.