Chapter Text
The villains are the bad. Yet it is the heroes who write the story.
There is certainly a significant difference, a partition between the two. Agency called it. That’s what Amber reminded herself, stuck on it as a rote. No this was not a new mission- nor a new agent- nor a new agency-nor was it even a new moral code. Yet as the world seemed to fall deeper, she felt she was falling further in her mind. There was a lot more to standing on a rooftop than just reaching for the ground, there was a lot to lose. In fact, not a lot to lose, if she took an inventory count of everything, she thought matter.
Oh of course it was so classic to have weird existential thoughts at the edge of a roof top. There was a lot more that dictates the mind than the person, Amber thought surely. Oh, and she had misplaced her priorities, she was here to watch her suspect, not imagine a world devoid of life. Surely, she had better things to do. There were more things that are important, thus her superiors spoke. And yet she was close to leaving. But leaving meant goodbye to reputation, leaving meant saying goodbye to her gear and most precisely a stable source of revenue.
She was at odds, just like her suspect was, should he throw the milk carton down the drain or be the environmentally sensitive and let it recycle. To Amber this small decision would paint his character. She sat hand in hand with a paper and pen, ready to etch her decision on stone.
Yet the suspect baffled her yet again. He was unpredictable in every sense. He had placed the empty carton on the counter for someone else to decide. Did that tell her about him? It should have but how she itched to push forward and say ‘Hi, terribly sorry to drop in such a short notice but can I speak to you about a particular milk carton? You have to clearly be educated in trivial matters. How else would we find out if you were the one who did the unimaginable?’
A chill wind interrupted her pointless thoughts and a voice in her ear reminded her she was being careless yet again. Her communications team let her know that her rooftop would soon turn into a rendezvous point. And she hated having to move. Amber had been forced- deliberately by whoever these people were- for the seventh time that night. It had to be a tail she swore but she was not allowed to fight. It was a watchnight. Yet looking around and trying to decide on a proper substitute was least of her concerns.
A loud noise, a crash, a shout would have been incredible warning. But she was flabbergasted at the lightness of foot- for goodness sakes’ this man had two heavy boots on. And immediately Amber was aware how close to the edge she had been standing all along.
The intruder was deliciously handsome yet the image of surprise on his face left Amber with a sour sensation. Surely, he had been following her. Or was the suspect a universal interest that she had found herself to be in a delectable frenzy with all good-looking agents or in this case clearly not-agent. Amber searched vicariously for a sign, even a symbol that he was safe. Engaging in a combat this early in the night would literally get her suspended. But his avoidance of any eye contact or even an acknowledgement of her presence let her know he had too much ego to share with the class. And for once, she could trust him, scratch that, she could not touch, scratch that, she could not trust him.
It was insane how her mind drove her down into a puddle of her thoughts while this charming well-versed man, who had been the intruder, she reminded herself, was as blank as a whiteboard. Surely, she would not have to evacuate as she got there first… right?
Searching into his eyes as she painfully grew more aware of her own presence was a weird contrast. Normally searching into eyes that Amber could not decipher was a mystery, an urge to investigate. But that was theoretical- it had never come to pass… until now. So, here she was painfully aware of where her arms hung limb and her body struggling to maintain stoic with the perfect posture. Whereas this man, he walked into HER roof with absolutely no emotion, no surprise nor regret she was here. Or did this man even see her?
Her mind wanted to tunnel down right there but Amber stood her ground. Truly, it was a situation they had not been trained for. Amber decided this lack of simple social etiquette was too ridiculous to be moved over. “Are you going to just stand there and ignore this was my roof?” She spit out, nearly cutting her own tongue with how bizarre her voice sounded.
“Didn’t see another of their pet standing there.” Though his voice was raspy enough to scratch her ears well, the enunciation of the word ‘pet’ had her tongue in her hand. “Excuse me?!”
He chuckled, “You think you are safe, but you are expendable. Especially to those you call home, you are the one being followed, not me. Pet.” His words were accusing less to her and more towards her agency, yet she felt like the one being condemned. And Amber certainly had no idea on how to counter such a heavy statement. There is no truth to this, Amber comforted herself.
Suddenly, the air that lay so thick were pierced with precision, an arrow nearly missed her by inches. As she looked around frantically, Amber caught the intruder roll his eyes from her peripheral. He snorted and climbed over the ledge and jumped. Amber raced to the ledge but pushed back immediately when she remembered that it was her the arrow was targeted at. Yet here she was letting her doubts fly and thoughts cloud her judgement. It had to be that man’s doing.
However, another person, a fellow so familiar jumped onto the roof. He didn’t run to check where the earlier presence had fallen or run off to. Was this how she was to meet her end? The agency logo on his chest mocked her. How does one- a trusted albeit a low-grade spy turn from a watcher to prime target-enemy number one? This new man- a fellow instigator, highly regarded walked closer to her, his steps resembling somewhat of a dance. His voice mocked her, “Oh no, did he jump?” If Amber couldn’t detect the sarcasm, she would have also detected that tone inflection as if the previous man was none of the agency’s concern and she was the one blind.
Amber ran numbers in her head, glitching on the spot. There had been no bounty on her, no one knew who she was… yet! This agent spoke, “Oh don’t be such a scaredy cat. I thought you out of all people would have a thick skin.” Amber hated every word that came from this guy’s mouth. And he seemed more insane every moment, sounding more like a psychotic agent who has gone rogue.
And then she remembered her mission, the task that the agency had dropped on her head because no one care enough to do it. It was only the supporting staff who did the menial tasks as she did, so others could shine, and justice be met. That was more important, right? Surely.
“What are you doing here? I thought I was given this task. Why are you here?” Genuine curiosity and self-depreciation laced her voice, despite having tried to shield it. He made a peculiar face, “I’m clearly taking over. This job has gotten too interesting.” His answer took the wind of out Amber. She could almost hear the sound of her skin being slapped in the air. “Excuse me?!”
Yet he rolled his eyes and picked up her binoculars and watched the milk carton with interest.
Perhaps it was the comments or the disregard. Perhaps it was the words that felt like a slap to her face or the dismissal of her presence. Perhaps it was the audacity of being snatched any what was finally grounding her or the irrelevance of her time. Perhaps it was the silent confidence that bubbled up by the previous man who actually had ignored her yet seen through her. Amber didn’t know what it was, but it was time.
“You know what, I quit.” Her voice rang loud in the night. It cut through the darkness in the air. It cut through the spines of this fellow in front of her. It cut through herself as she realized she was now a separate entity. And she turned and walked to the stairs of the building, conviction in hand and morals in another. But she had nowhere to hold her humanity that was crumbling down with every step.
Little did Amber know how her final resignation was what knocked the milk carton into the dustbin.
Present Day---
One would think every negative consequence would be the villain’s origin story. But not Amber, especially at which moment she was striving to uphold the moral codes that her team managed to push each mission. Her head in her hands reminded her of how this was how she began. No matter how far one could run, they would reach right back to the start.
“Why is this important to discuss when we have so much to cover?” someone asked begrudgingly. “Amber” Someone else whined. Though it was a round table conversation, her team sounded eerily like the thoughts in her mind. She wanted to pitch a tent right there in the meeting room and hope it was enough to survive through a hurricane. But every storm had a start, and every storm would blow through.
Amber finally looked up, “Surely you all are not children. We can work through this. Can you all not do something without posing me with ethical dilemmas? Or this is your way of showing your love for me?” Her girls laughed, not knowing the song that was bleeding through Amber’s mind. “Perhaps if you remembered we are not villains, or bad guys, we would be in a better boat.”
Rosaline chimed up, “But we are not exactly heroes either. C’mon chill if Lin does not want to do it, it would be fine. It’s not that serious.” Amber pointed at her, accidentally sounding more accusing than need be, “Hey! You were the one who brought it up.” She violently shook her head, as if that would shake off the accidental tone slip, and retried, “I am not the one who brought up Lin not helping elderly cross the road during mission.”
Amber truly wondered how she was established as a leader a top such talented yet insane women. And yet here she sat being an idiot, forcing her rules on them- as the agency had done. Oh no, that wouldn’t do, she scolded herself. There had to be a better way to process such incredulous questions instead of accusing her own people. They had been there for her and supported her decisions, why wasn’t she doing that for them. Did she really believe she was that superior? Her work experience had literally been a low-grade agent.
Rosaline rolled her eyes, unaware of Amber’s world crashing through, and as a grenade being thrown through the wall, she replied, defensively, “Amber please, you live for these things. Now can we talk about real things?” Clearly, she didn’t have any regard or importance for such trivial matters, but Amber thought them important. It was the littlest thing that added up.
Lin piqued up, of course she did. Amber clearly had put her in such a position, what a leader. “Amber, you can’t be serious. Anyways, girls, we have not yet found a lead for this case and its going in the directions of cold cases. I’m serious! It’s got all the symptoms.” Lin ended with a pout, which was such a whiplash to how dangerous she is on the battlefield.
Her team muttered around the facts of the case, Amber half listening. To be fair it was impossible to listen with a raincloud on her head. But one thing took her interest and perhaps it was Rosaline’s super analytical tone or a glimpse of the past, Amber was clutching the fabric of her shirt either way. “So, this case that agency has also showed interest in. I have seen some of them hiding behind a rock while I was sleuthing. It was so annoying! Since when did they decide that eating chips loudly was permissible?! I have been found out because of them each time.”
Amber mumbled, “Clearly they know we are in it and are trying to sabotage us.” Lin responded in her Lin fashion, "You gotta be kidding me! This is definitely high stakes and I’m drooling!” Amber let out a laugh, refreshing like a drop of water that finally nourished her thirst than pouring down her head.
Her team bickered, of course they did, about whether to keep pursuing. Lin wanted in, Rosaline well- Amber could not tell. She was busy looking into Amber’s eyes as if it held the key to all. It was up to Amber to make the decision. And though normally she would scurry away, her heart was nudging her to pursue. Her thoughts were trying to convince her that perhaps this way she could see how the agency was doing without her. Which would clearly be anticlimactic as she was a support staff, that’s what she’ll ever be in their eyes.
Oh, that tasted deliciously as a motivation to prove them wrong. “Oh we are taking this mission. Right on!” Though Lin was busy celebrating, Rosaline questioned her, almost like the doubts at the back of Amber’s mind. “Are you sure? I mean I will help you but I am checking if you are in the right Mindspace for this. It could easily be one of the agency’s own rogue agents. That’s what happened with you so do you think if we should tread lightly. I mean we always dropped stuff they did.”
Amber took in a sharp inhale, which somehow made her gulp almost choking her words that she wanted to say. Things like let the agency burn or that she had to prove herself. But she realized in her moment of clarity, it was her and her team, her people and was she really that reckless? She shook her head, trying to clear the doubts. This was personal but not personal enough to actually be reckless. Her team had almost no reputation for not being high stakes enough. This was morally correct for them to take on this case. Even if it was colder than her refrigerator or the agency’s cold dead heart.
Speaking of which, in her heart of hearts, Amber was hoping she could finally find that guy. The one who gave her the confidence. Clearly, she owed it to him. Amber was now a leader. She was no longer a pet. He would clearly be proud. If she climbed up the ladder and got him to notice her, just to see where she was now, it was totally worth it. But her girls didn’t know about him, and she would have to keep it a secret and somehow find him… alone. Was he even a safe person to be around alone?
“Amber, I swear if you are thinking this is morally good-“
Oh, the answer. She was meant to tell Rosaline something. Her mind had wrapped around itself too tight to remember the question. So, she compensated, “Yup!” Her mouth popping as she said that and Rosaline visibly making a face. Now that must have been the wrong answer, so Amber searched her mind for the facts of case, still coming up empty. Maybe if she faked it as she had made it, “We will be okay. Let’s take the case. It’ll be fun!” Her fake enthusiasm should have been a red flag, but Rosaline shrugged it off, actually believing it. Or was she? Oh well, Amber will discern that before sleeping tonight.
As Rosaline and her cleaned up the table that Lin clearly had left celebrating and possibly gearing up, for something only Lin would know. There was something in the air. It was pristine and sharp in taste. It could have been the new air conditioning- if it was a couple of years back. Amber could not put a finger on it. Perhaps accepting this case had led her to grow hair on her spine and simultaneously stand as if she was in danger. Surely, she’s paranoid.
Rosaline tried again, “You actually didn’t answer my question.” Ah. There it was, it was the air of confrontation, just seconds before. Amber could deal with it right? If only she remembered, she laughed in pain in her mind. It’s okay to ask, she reminded herself. “Rosaline, actually while thinking of an answer to your question, I forgot what you asked about. I am sorry, I was doing some pros and cons of our decision.” That sounds smart right?
Rosaline laughed, a sweet melody filled the room. “Girl, just say so. I was making sure if you were okay with this case. I know you have some history and some bad blood. I was making sure that’s all.” OH. Right! Amber felt her head go forward in speed as if she had just been in a racecar, driving faster than the speed of light.
“Oh Rose. I remember now.” She laughed nervously. “I think this would be good for us. Something new, something dangerous but something interesting. Something’s giving me a good feeling about this.” LIES! Amber could feel the complications and complexity climb over her body at the exact moment. Who was she kidding? Rosaline, that’s who!
“I don’t think it would be that easy especially with all stuff that’s been happening. But I trust you, plus Lin is dying for this case. But I’ll be here to say I told you so.” A pang hit Amber’s heart. Welp, at least one of them was honest and she had betrayed her. Rosaline was constant but Amber was… She just was.
“You are right Rosie.” Even that was hard. Since when did truth become so hard to say? Amber was fishing for words and hadn’t rehearsed this in her mind. Why was she guilt- truth-speaking right now? “HUH?” Rosaline asked, looking pointedly at Amber, expecting for the next words. While Amber was standing like a fish, opening and closing her mouth, swallowing dry. “I am being hopeful but isn’t it about time?” Amber tried as nonchantly as possible.
Rosie looked away and put away the last unopened water bottle into their little fridge. “I guess? Somehow its risky enough to be exciting. But I am watching you.” Oh boy, Amber was in deep. Being watched was exactly what she needed. She rolled her eyes, feigning humor in that statement. She let out a small giggle for good measure.
As they pulled away, moving to their corresponding offices and their own ways of finding vital information, Amber couldn’t help but think, ‘What a successful social interaction’. Oh, there’s a lot more than meets the eye. Rosaline cannot find out; she’ll be telling Amber all the reasons why not. If secrets were what Amber had to keep, she will surely keep them dutifully.