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Buck realized he was completely alone once again. Only this time, he did it to himself. Nobody bothered to reach out anymore. Even when they did, he told himself it was only because they felt like they had to. Nobody came over to check on him. It didn’t matter, though. He wouldn’t have opened the door anyways.
Logically, he knew he was the one that should be reaching out to everyone else instead of
waiting for them to check on him. But why did he always have to be the one to reach out first?
And when he did, he just felt like he was bothering them. Maddie and Chimney had Jee and the new baby to worry about. Hen and Karen had Denny and Mara. Athena just lost her husband and was leaning on May and Harry a little extra. She was out of town most of the time recently. And Eddie just got back to LA with Christopher. He was spending more time with his son than ever recently.
Buck understood that all of them were busy, he really did. But why didn’t he have anyone else to lean on? He didn’t want to date anybody for a long time, not after the way he was treated in his last relationship. He was always doing too much to receive almost nothing in return anyways.
He’d come to the conclusion that he was the problem one day when he was laying in bed on his day off. He was missing Bobby extra that day. Normally when he had days off, Bobby would check on him even if he was on shift. He was the only person that consistently checked on him. Granted, yes, everyone else has lives and Buck has this pathetic one where he needs to be validated by everyone around him. But still, Bobby cared about him. When they both had the day off, they would go get coffee or go out for breakfast or something just to hang out.
Bobby had been the only constant in his life, the only person who hadn’t left. And now he was the only one that couldn’t come back.
Buck couldn’t find it in himself to even cry about it anymore. He was numb. He missed his dad. The only male parental figure to ever tell and show him that he was loved was gone forever. It should have been him instead.
On his days off, he laid in his bed with on to shut out the world around him. Nobody was waiting for him to reach out. Nobody wanted to spend time with him today. Even if they did, they would just ask how he was feeling, and he would make up some lie about how he’s fine when really every part of him is silently screaming for help. How is somebody supposed to feel after losing the only constant in their life? All he knew was that he was lost.
Whenever he did decide to get out of bed on days off, they were spent sitting on a couch zoning out staring at a tv screen or mindlessly scrolling on social media. He had moved out of Eddie’s house almost as soon as he and Chris had moved back, which meant Buck was on his own like always.
If he took it one step further and asked people if they were free to meet up, it was almost always the same answer. Everyone was too busy, too tired, at work, or didn’t answer until the next day at the earliest.
His first instinct was to always reach out to Athena first. But he always hesitated. He didn’t feel like he had a right to. He wasn’t her kid, and he wasn’t Bobby’s biological kid. Why should be have any right to check up on her when she was mourning the love of her life and he was only mourning someone who was a father figure to him? He never got up the nerve to texther to check on her. Or even just to talk. He missed having the biweekly dinners with her and Bobby. They were almost always the highlights of his month.
And Maddie, he knew she and Chim were busy with the new baby and Maddie had just gone back to work which meant he saw her even less than he used to. He still worried about her and how she was doing since the whole being kidnapped situation. She was always strong, and Buck felt like the weak one. But seeing her less only made him worry more and miss her more. The last time he saw her this infrequently, she was still in an abusive marriage. He at least knew he didn’t have to worry about that with Chimney. And on top of that, the only time he saw Chim was at work. But he was in the group that are potential candidates for the new captain. So, he was busier than ever.
Hen was busier than normal nowadays too even though she turned down the offer for captain. Ever since Mara got officially adopted into their family, Hen has made an even bigger effort to do more things together as a family. That’s usually what she was doing on her days off. He didn’t blame her. That’s what he would be doing too if he had a family of his own. He used to.
Buck knew he had gotten too used to Eddie always being readily available to hang out while Christopher was in El Paso. In fact, Eddie had started reaching out to Buck first more often during that stretch of time. But they hung out that frequently even before Chris left. They’d been back for a few months at this point and Buck saw him less the longer they were back in town. It felt like Eddie and Chris were still in Texas. Buck was lucky if he heard back from Eddie in the same week after he would reach out. This hurt the most.
Not only had he lost his dad, but he’d also lost his friends, his biological family, and the family he’d built. Everything was different. But it only seemed to be that way for him.
He didn’t understand why everyone else seemed to be going about their day like nothing ever happened. Even Athena seemed to be doing well every time he saw her or May posted a picture from their latest excursion. Everyone else had moved on. So why couldn’t he?
He didn’t have anyone else left.
These seemed to consistently be Buck’s thoughts every time he had a day off. It went on like this for months. The longer it went on, the more isolated he became. He stopped reaching out. Everyone else had their own routines again. This time, he was no longer included in them. He didn’t see anybody outside of work anymore. Everybody stopped texting him back, they’d all
taken time off, so he didn’t even see them at work. It had been a week since he’d seen any of the original A-shift and a month since he’d last seen his sister. He still texted Bobby every day. At least Buck knew why he wasn’t receiving a reply from him.
Quitting wasn’t a new idea for him. But this was the first time he was seriously considering handing in his resignation. He even had the paperwork filled out. They didn’t have a new official captain yet. Nobody would miss him there. He didn’t want to be a firefighter anymore. Walking into work every day was nothing but reminders of his dad. The turnout locker next to his with the name Nash has sat empty. Buck didn’t cook anymore unless he absolutely had to because everything he knew how to make was because of Bobby. Nothing was the same without him.
He was on his way to turn in those resignation papers when he got a call from Maddie on the drive there. He let it ring and go to voicemail. She texted him saying she knew he wasdriving somewhere and that he needed to answer his phone. Maddie called again and Buck sent this one straight to voicemail. Why should he answer when she couldn’t shoot him an occasional text? He immediately felt bad and realized it could be an emergency. He was about to call her when her contact photo popped up again. He answered this time.
“Hello?” he said, sounding a little more annoyed than he intended.
“Evan, finally. Are you okay? What’s going on? I thought you had the next forty-eight off. Why does it look like you’re heading there?” Right. They share location with each other. Except she shut hers off two weeks ago. He only knows that because he was going to see if she was home so he could visit. Only he couldn’t see hers. He never stopped sharing his.
“I do. It doesn’t matter. Why are you calling? Are Jee and B okay? You and Chim?” He sounded snappy and he knew it. But he was irritated that she suddenly needed to know everything about him after barely talking to him since April.
“We’re fine. But-”
“Then I’m hanging up. I’m handing in my resignation. None of you will have to deal with me again.” Buck was done hiding how bad he was doing. He didn’t care anymore.
“Wait, what? No, don’t go. We’ll get back to that later. Please this’ll just take a second. Please,” Maddie rushed out to say.
Buck sighed. He could never deny his sister. “What,” he asked flatly.
“Before anything else, I need you to pull over and stop driving.”
Buck rolled his eyes. “Why?”
“Just, please. I don’t want you driving for this.”“I’m almost to the station. Hold on,” Buck grumbled.
Maddie tried making small talk between but Buck wouldn’t hear her out. The two minutes left of the drive to the station were in silence.
“Fine, I’m stopped. Now what do you want?”
There was silence and then rustling. He heard faint whispers in the background. He considered hanging up and then-
“Hey, kid.”
Buck couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Suddenly he understood why Maddie had him park before continuing. But, it couldn’t be.
“Bobby?” His previously flat voice suddenly shaking with emotion, his matching shaky finger pressing the FaceTime button before his brain even registered what was happening. He needed to see. He needed to believe this was real.
Bobby’s face filled the screen, a soft smile on his face as he held a hand up to wave. He seemed to be in a vehicle going somewhere, a blanket draped around his shoulders. Buck immediately broke down in tears at the sight.
After feeling next to nothing for the past five and a half months, Buck was overcome with emotion. He couldn’t even speak, it didn’t matter how hard he tried. It kept coming out jumbled.
“But how- when- wha-” Buck attempted through his tears.
Suddenly he was very aware of a car that pulled up next to him. He tried to compose himself best he could before whoever was in it saw him. He didn’t need people asking questions right now. How would he be able to explain this to anyone?
He kept staring at the screen through blurry, tear-filled eyes hoping they would just go inside. It worked until he saw someone approach out of the corner of his eye and heard a knock on the window. He rolled it down just enough to be heard.
“I’m fine. Don’t need to worry about me. Go about your day.” He waved them away.
The call ended and Buck gasped. “No!”
“Don’t worry? That’s my job, kid.”
Buck turned his head so fast he nearly got whiplash. He could barely believe what he was seeing. He wiped at his eyes to confirm this wasn’t a dream and that he was awake, that this was real. Buck’s heart began to race. He didn’t know what to do. He was frozen in disbelief.
Bobby opened the car door but Buck still stayed frozen, processing.
As soon as the realization hit that this was real, he nearly fell out of the car trying to get out. Bobby caught him like he always did. He wrapped Buck in a hug.
“Is it really you? Are you really here?” Buck’s voice was muffled as he spoke while hugging Bobby. This might be the happiest he’s ever been.
“Yeah, kid. It’s me.” Buck hugged him tighter as if Bobby would disappear if he let go. “Sorry I was gone for a while.”
“I thought-”
Bobby spoke softly, soothing Buck. He needed this hug as much as Buck did, maybe more. “I know. I’m sorry. I was stuck. But I’m here now. I’m so sorry.” A moment passed and they both let go of the hug. Bobby wasn’t quite ready to tell Buck everything he’d been through in the lab so he decided to change the subject. “Now, what’s this I hear about resignation papers?”
Buck froze and pulled back. He’d forgotten about them. “Nothing. I’m not turning them in anymore. I was just so lost, Bobby. Nothing had meaning there anymore. I was all by myself. I never see or hear from anyone anymore. But you’re here. So that means things must be okay.
Because you always make things okay.”
Bobby pulled Buck into another hug. “Oh, man. I really missed you, kid.”
“I missed you too.” Buck hugged back. “Hey, Bobby?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you too, you know. I didn’t get to tell you when-” He hated that he heard his voice wobble because he wanted to sound sure. He wanted his dad to know he loved him. Buck could’ve sworn he heard a sniffle as he was hugged tighter.
“Yeah, kid. I know.”
Another realization hit moments later, and he broke the hug. “Wait but Maddie-”
“Is in the car,” Bobby finished. “Along with the others. Maddie let me borrow her phone. They all told me you’ve had a rough past few months. They worked really hard to find me. I wanted to be able to say hi as soon as possible. Looks like it might’ve been just in time.”
Buck let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, I guess.”
Maddie, Athena, Chimney, Hen, and Eddie all climbed out of Maddie’s car at that moment, all standing to the side. All of the people he cared about the most were standing in front of him. Everyone’s silence the past few weeks made sense now. They did this for him. They really did care.
Bobby gestured for them all to come join him and Buck in a group hug.
Buck was so happy. He would remember this moment forever. His family was back. Everything was right again.