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Something had propelled Wei Wuxian to travel across the country and return to the Cloud Recesses after several years of avoiding the whole region of Gusu; perhaps it was the nagging pain in him when he was away from Lan Wangji, or the surge of dreadful loneliness he felt on some cold nights while on the road, sleeping under the bare sky. Whatever it was, he walked tirelessly for several days and nights, only stopping to rest when Little Apple protested. They arrived at the Cloud Recesses’ gates one gloomy morning, the wind whooshing down the mountain, carrying dead leaves with it. Winter was approaching fast and the weather was already cold and unpleasant.
He was welcomed without hostility, but he wouldn’t really call the disciple’s stony expression friendly. Does he recognise me? was his first thought, as it always was, preparing himself for the possibility of a troublesome encounter. He left Little Apple to graze on the fresh grass, soaked with morning dew, and followed the disciple towards the guest houses. “Hanguang-jun will be informed of your arrival,” the young man said, leaving him all alone. Under different circumstances he would have used this opportunity to explore, but now he paced about the room, twirling Chenqing in his hand. The guest house was a plain building with white walls and little furniture, similar to the Quiet room, but less elegant, less charming and possessing none of Lan Wangji’s character.
Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure what would happen when Lan Wangji saw him again, and what would he himself do when the other man stood in front of him. Would he spill his guts to him? Would he ramble about his adventures on the road? Apologise for not writing in the years he had been away? He had been imagining his reaction for the past few days, but nothing prepared him for seeing Lan Wangji again.
When the door opened, his chest tightened. He gazed at Lan Wangji stupefied, his heart in his throat. Even the most lyrical poems couldn’t describe Lan Wangji’s beauty. Wei Wuxian’s hands itched with the need to touch him. Unconsciously, he took a small step forward. Lan Wangji seemed equally stunned to meet him, mirroring his movement.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said, breaking their silence. His voice cracked and he smiled, pushing away the surge of emotions threatening to spill over. “It’s been a while.”
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji greeted. His voice opened a whole chamber of memories Wei Wuxian had carefully locked away at the back of his mind. Everything Lan Wangji had spoken to him, emerging like the words of a song. Have you decided where you will go?
Standing on top of a hill, Wei Wuxian had felt as lightweight as the wind. He could go anywhere he wanted. The sky was vast and the earth was wide. He had no regrets about choosing this path. But looking back, he wished Lan Wangji had been by his side. How many times had he woken up with Lan Wangji’s name on his lips, only to realise he was alone?
Lan Wangji moved suddenly, crossing the room and picking a tray with cups and a teapot. “Would you like to drink?” he asked.
Wei Wuxian nodded and sat down on the bamboo mat at the table. For a moment, he had thought Lan Wangji was going to embrace him, but that was merely wishful thinking. Lan Wangji joined him at the table and busied himself with pouring the tea. His hands were pale and soft-looking, his fingers thin and long and his nails well shaped, but the skin underside was red and marks that were the shape of a line stood out on his fingertips. The steam of the tea carried the fragrance of herbs in the air, and Wei Wuxian inhaled deeply.
Lan Wangji held his cup, watching the water settle. “I am glad you are here, Wei Ying,” he said and met Wei Wuxian’s gaze, holding it for a moment.
Wei Wuxian could read the sincerity in Lan Wangji’s eyes. His shoulders sagged and he looked away. “Lan Zhan,” he started, nibbling on his bottom lip in nervousness. “I’m sorry…I took a while to visit.”
“Please don’t apologise,” Lan Wangji said, “I understand.”
Lan Wangji was always so forgiving of his mistakes, always so kind to him. Wei Wuxian had missed looking at him, talking to him, being near him. He had missed travelling with him, fighting alongside him, spending the nights in the same bed, breathing the same air, waking from a nightmare and having the weight of Lan Wangji’s body grounding him. Wei Wuxian lifted his cup with a little tremor in his hands and gulped a mouthful of the liquid, then set the cup down with a clank.
“Is there a reason you have come now?” Lan Wangji asked. There was a slight crease between his brows, as if he thought something was gravely wrong with Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian felt his face heat up and he struggled to speak for a moment. “I just wanted to—just wanted to come visit you,” Wei Wuxian replied. “I have…” Missed you, Wei Wuxian tried to say. But somehow it was incredibly difficult. He smiled instead and said, “I haven’t asked if I can visit at this time. I can stay in Caiyi—“
“There’s no need,” Lan Wangji said, “A guest room is ready for you.”
The thought of a guest room made something twist in his chest. He ignored it and muttered, “That’s great, that’s great.” He finished the cup of tea, and Lan Wangji silently refilled it. Wei Wuxian thought to ask him if he had any Emperor’s Smile, chuckling to himself, but held back. He propped his chin on the palm of his hand, and drummed his fingers on the table, resting his arm across it. Only a breath away from Lan Wangji’s own hand, barely touching. Lan Wangji stared at his hand for a moment. His fingers twitched. Then his gaze returned back to Wei Wuxian, intense and penetrating deep into his soul, both alighting him and freezing him at the same time.
“How have you been?” Lan Wangji asked. He turned his hand slightly, and Wei Wuxian could finally feel the warmth of his skin. A tremble went through his body and his eyes closed as he briefly forgot where he was. Such a featherlight touch, but it affected him visibly. He wouldn’t be able to move away now, not unless Lan Wangji did it first.
“The same as always,” Wei Wuxian replied, smiling softly. “Been doing night hunts, helping people, discovering the wider world. It’s much safer now, Lan Zhan. Happier, thanks to you.”
“Mn,” Lan Wangji replied, slightly caressing the side of Wei Wuxian’s hand with his little finger.
“Everywhere I go people talk about Hanguang-jun,” Wei Wuxian said warmly, then joked, “soon they will forget my own name!” He chuckled mirthlessly, wishing that was true.
“And you,” Lan Wangji said, “are you happier?”
Wei Wuxian gulped, his smile faltering. He couldn’t lie to Lan Wangji, but could he tell him how he truly felt? “I don’t know,” he said simply, evading a real answer.
Lan Wangji clenched his jaw. He was thinner, Wei Wuxian noticed suddenly; his robes fell limply and didn’t hug his frame as well as before. As he frowned, little wrinkles popped here and there on his face. At this moment he seemed as old as his own uncle. Is he overworked and tired? Wei Wuxian thought, observing him closely. Doesn’t he rest enough? And just what does he do in his free time? Playing music probably, judging by the marks on his fingers. Does he still play that one song? The one I’ve dreamt about nearly every night. Does he have anyone to keep him company? “Lan Zhan, do you still take care of those rabbits?” Wei Wuxian asked, suddenly remembering the little pets Lan Wangji was so attached to.
Lan Wangji nodded, brightening slightly. “Would you like to see them?”
“Of course,” Wei Wuxian said.
After gulping down his tea, he followed Lan Wangji across the Cloud Recesses grounds. The wind had picked up and the air was bitingly cold. His face stiffened and he hugged himself, rubbing his hands over his arms. Lan Wangji glanced at him and took off his coat, and before Wei Wuxian caught up with what was happening, Lan Wangji hugged him with the coat, closing it around his shoulders. They stared at one another for a moment and Wei Wuxian felt a blush creep up his neck.
“You are underdressed,” Lan Wangji said.
Wei Wuxian gave a nervous chuckle, unused to being fussed over like this. “There’s the fuddy-duddy I know. It’s been an hour since I came back and you make me follow the clan’s rules.” Wei Wuxian shook his head fondly. “You’re going to freeze, Lan Zhan,” he said and started taking off the coat.
Lan Wangji stopped him, placing his hands on his shoulders and squeezed him lightly. “I will be fine,” he said and turned, walking away. Wei Wuxian sighed and continued after him, clutching the ends of Lan Wangji’s coat, smelling the faint scent of sandalwood that clung to it. Soon they took a road Wei Wuxian vaguely remembered and came to a clearing. The ground was covered with lush greenery, and Wei Wuxian wondered if Lan Wangji tended to the small garden all by himself. The endearing image of Lan Wangji gardening made him smile. The moment Lan Wangji sat on the ground, tiny balls of fluff started appearing and surrounding them. Wei Wuxian sat next to Lan Wangji, shuffling closer to the other so that their shoulders were touching and watched the rabbits jump on Lan Wangji’s lap with amazement. Lan Wangji petted them gently, and his expression softened. Wei Wuxian stood still lest they ran away because of him. One rabbit bumped Lan Wangji’s hand with its nose, sniffing him, and another bit on the sleeve of his robe, tugging it impatiently.
“Lan Zhan, aren’t they hungry?” Wei Wuxian asked quietly.
Lan Wangji searched through the sleeves of his robes carefully and took out a handful of cut carrot pieces. Wei Wuxian burst out laughing and the rabbits scattered, jumping around them. Lan Wangji stared at him with feigned scorn.
“You—you—you carry carrots around,” Wei Wuxian said, his speech cut by huffs of laughter. “Why are you so adorable, Lan Zhan?”
Lan Wangji’s ears reddened and he lowered his head, his hair cascading down to hide the blush. Wei Wuxian tried to catch his gaze, smiling widely. When Lan Wangji reacted like this it always gave him a thrill. He reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind Lan Wangji’s ear, exposing the red tips of his earlobe.
“Look at me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian murmured.
Lan Wangji raised his head and their eyes met. As if caught by surprise, Wei Wuxian couldn’t move. Lan Wangji’s gaze was intense, overflowing with something he couldn’t place, but it made his heartbeat quicken and his breath come up short. Inevitably, he looked at Lan Wangji’s lips.
Some of his most indulgent and private fantasies were of kissing Lan Wangji, feeling those soft, plump lips against his. He would press the pads of his fingers to his mouth and close his eyes, and Lan Wangji would appear before him, as real as his imagination would allow. He started leaning in, not realising he was doing so until Lan Wangji turned away. A clear rejection. Wei Wuxian froze, unable to utter a sound. He felt a sharp pang of disappointment in his chest, just like that time when he had thought Lan Wangji would follow after him.
The rabbits started coming again tentatively, taking the pieces of carrot from Lan Wangji’s hand. Wei Wuxian heard them crunch on the vegetables and focused on the quiet sound. Lan Wangji offered him a piece and he took it. As always, he ignored the pain he felt and smiled. A rabbit approached him and he fed it and petted its fur while watching Lan Wangji. The man had a slight frown on his face that wouldn’t go away even when the rabbits nuzzled against his legs and jumped on him.
“What’s wrong, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian asked softly.
Lan Wangji looked at him silently. His expression was warm but tinged with thinly veiled sadness. Wei Wuxian felt slightly uneasy. He shifted and thought of something to say and break the silence, but then something else caught his attention. The ends of Lan Wangji’s ribbon were lifted by the wind and moved in an excited dance. Wei Wuxian grabbed the ribbon suddenly and tugged. It fell off of Lan Wangji’s head. They both stared at it for a moment and Lan Wangji gasped in shock.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to do that,” Wei Wuxian said, taken aback by Lan Wangji’s own astonishment.
Lan Wangji shook his head, either in displeasure or reluctant acceptance. He breathed deeply, composing himself, then reached out to take the ribbon back.
Wei Wuxian clutched it tightly in his fist. “Can I tie it, Lan Zhan, please?”
Lan Wangji’s eyes widened. He seemed to consider it for a moment. Wei Wuxian was fully ready for him to decline, but then Lan Wangji nodded in agreement.
Wei Wuxian beamed. “Look at you,” he said with a sweet voice, “you’ve changed so much, Lan Zhan. Back then you’d have attacked me with your sword, no? But I bet you just liked sparring with me.”
Lan Wangji smiled imperceptibly and it made Wei Wuxian’s whole world tilt a little. “Should I attack you now?” Lan Wangji asked.
“With Bichen? I’m defenceless, Lan Zhan. You want to take advantage of my poor, vulnerable state?” Wei Wuxian teased.
“No,” he replied and then pushed Wei Wuxian to the ground; Wei Wuxian caught on quickly and laughed with excitement. They fought briefly, rolling in the grass. In the end, Wei Wuxian managed to pin Lan Wangji to the ground. His hair was in disarray and his guan was tilted. “The Chief cultivator,” Wei Wuxian said, “felled by a little scuffle.”
Lan Wangji’s face was as frozen as ever but he puffed as if their little game genuinely tired him out. “Wei Ying—“ he started, but a sound nearby drew their attention.
It was a young disciple, who stopped before them to catch his breath and bowed in greeting. It looked like he had been running, or walking as fast as he could, given the Lan clan’s rules. Lan Wangji stiffened and gently pushed Wei Wuxian away, rising to his feet.
“Hanguang-jun, it’s urgent,” the disciple said and approached Lan Wangji. He talked hurriedly and Lan Wangji listened with a frown. Wei Wuxian watched them from a distance as he cleaned the pieces of grass stuck to his robes. If something had happened, he was fully ready to help. Thankfully, he had come at the right time.
After the disciple left, Lan Wangji looked at Wei Wuxian with a shattered face. Wei Wuxian’s stomach twisted with worry and he was next to Lan Wangji in a few strides.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, what happened?” He placed a hand on Lan Wangji’s shoulder.
Lan Wangji sighed. He had never looked so disappointed. Wei Wuxian wished he could cup his face between his hands and make him smile again.
“Wei Ying,” he said, “I—“ He halted, giving Wei Wuxian an apologetic look. “There are urgent sect matters I must attend to. Please forgive me.”
“Can I be of any help?”
Lan Wangji pursed his lips. “Unfortunately not.”
Wei Wuxian understood. His heart sank but he understood. He nodded and smiled. “Of course, Lan Zhan.”
Lan Wangji covered Wei Wuxian’s hand with his own. “Will you stay a little longer?” he asked. His voice was pleading, sounding almost desperate, and Wei Wuxian squeezed his shoulder in reassurance.
“Yes, I’ll be here,” Wei Wuxian said easily, but he wasn’t fully convinced in his own words.
The frown on Lan Wangji’s face eased slightly. “I will return promptly,” he said.
Wei Wuxian nodded and started to move away but Lan Wangji caught him by the waist, stopping him.
“When I am back,” he said, hesitating for a moment, “have dinner with me.”
Wei Wuxian smiled softly, his heart overflowing with affection. He couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Lan Wangji’s cheek. His skin was cold. The hands holding him tightened. He stared blankly ahead and Wei Wuxian was the first to part from him.
“I’ll have dinner with you,” Wei Wuxian said, his heart beating wildly.
Lan Wangji slowly came out of his stupor. As he turned to leave, Wei Wuxian’s fingers closed around something rough.
“Lan Zhan, wait,” he said. Lan Wangji’s forehead ribbon was still with him. He handed it to Lan Wangji and Lan Wangji stared at it with an inexplicable expression. Then he retied it, and with one final look towards Wei Wuxian, he rose in the air.
Left alone, Wei Wuxian had no idea what he was going to do. The forest was quiet around him and the rabbits had disappeared as well. A sudden emptiness overwhelmed him and he started walking with no goal in mind, going through untrodden ground. He took his flute out and started playing. The first note of Chenqing pierced the air with its shrill sound, then morphed into something more mellow; a pleasant song that he remembered as theirs. It would have been nice if he could play it in a duet with Lan Wangji.
Hopefully Lan Wangji would return soon, but in all honesty he wasn’t sure he should linger here. Lan Wangji was busy and he couldn’t always make time for him the way Wei Wuxian desired. In fact, he had imagined Lan Wangji would drop everything for him, which was very foolish. How could he even think of such a thing?
The way he had missed Lan Wangji while travelling was as painful as dying. It didn’t stop hurting as time passed, even though he thought it would. Something had to be gravely wrong with him if he felt like this, so he had toyed with the idea of returning many times. He had imagined it but it looked much different to reality. He had wanted to have fun with Lan Wangji, to go on a night-hunt with him, to share a meal together, to play around like they had done before. Wei Wuxian had never shared his dreams with Lan Wangji, and he didn’t know what Lan Wangji’s were. If he had done so he would have realised earlier that they all involved the other man. He struggled to imagine a future where he was fully content without Lan Wangji by his side. The more he thought about it, the bleaker it felt not to share any of it with him. But how could it happen when he couldn’t see himself fitting into Lan Wangji’s current life?
Wei Wuxian’s thoughts were cut off when he heard two familiar voices. He listened attentively and walked towards the noise. In the distance Lan Jingyi was squatting and placing fruits in a basket, while Lan Sizhui was picking them from the tree. It was a persimmon tree, its fruits dark orange in colour. They were talking and laughing. Wei Wuxian’s sadness disappeared at the sight of Lan Sizhui. He hadn’t seen the boy in a while either. Last he heard Sizhui and Wen Ning had been travelling as well, but it appeared he had returned. He smiled and approached them. Neither of them heard him and Wei Wuxian jumped at them, hugging Sizhui from behind. Lan Jingyi shouted and Sizhui startled, but he relaxed when he noticed who it was.
“Wei-qianbei!” they both exclaimed, one jovial and the other accusatory.
“Tsk tsk, I need to teach you how to be more alert. What if someone attacked you just now?”
Lan Jingyi replied, “You did!”
“It was to teach you a lesson,” Wei Wuxian said with a wave of his hand.
“You’re back, Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui said with amazement in his eyes. His smile was full of affection and Wei Wuxian ruffled his hair.
“I was starting to get bored being on my own all the time,” Wei Wuxian said. “What are you up to?”
“The fruits had fallen and we were harvesting them,” Lan Sizhui said.
“How long will you stay, Senior Wei?” Lan Jingyi asked.
Wei Wuxian thought for a moment and patted Lan Jingyi on the shoulder. “Until I get kicked out,” he said and laughed. “Let me help you.” Wei Wuxian started gathering the persimmons alongside the boys. He squeezed one that nearly fell apart in his hand, the juice running down his hand. He ate it, relishing in its candy-like taste. “Did you know that Hanguang-jun has a sweet tooth?” he asked.
“No,” Lan Jingyi said, abandoning his basket. “You’re lying.”
Wei Wuxian chuckled. “Why would I? He also consumes meat.”
Lan Jingyi’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “No way! It’s against the rules.”
Wei Wuxian didn’t elaborate. Lan Wangji only did it once or twice in his whole life just to appease him, but it was fun to tease the young Lan. They were all the same stick-in-the-muds, but he loved them anyway. “What are you doing with all that fruit?” he asked. “Hmm, can you make liquor with it?”
“Interesting idea,” Lan Sizhui said thoughtfully.
“Don’t entertain him,” Lan Jingyi said. He grabbed the basket in his hands. “Let’s bring them back to the kitchens.”
Wei Wuxian perked up. “I haven’t been to the kitchens yet.”
“Only sect disciples are allowed there,” Lan Jingyi said.
“You can join us, Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui said with a smile.
“What a good young man you are,” Wei Wuxian said and followed the boys with a bounce in his step. “Honestly Jingyi, you have no trust in me.”
“I wonder why,” the boy muttered and Wei Wuxian laughed.
They walked for some time, talking about everything and anything. He had missed the young Lans and they seemed to have missed him as well, even if Lan Jingyi pretended otherwise. He asked the most questions, eager to learn where Wei Wuxian had been.
“You fought a Qiongqi!” Lan Jingyi exclaimed with wonder, fully immersed in Wei Wuxian’s nonsensical story.
“I’ve defeated the Xuanwu. This was nothing,” Wei Wuxian said nonchalantly.
Lan Sizhui listened with amusement. “Hanguang-jun will be lightheaded if he found out,” he said.
Wei Wuxian scratched his head. “Why? I’m fine,” he said.
“He is always worried about you, Senior,” Lan Sizhui replied.
The idea that Lan Wangji would be worried about him made him a little jittery. “Did he tell you so?” he asked.
“It’s obvious.”
“How so?”
“He doesn’t rest, he eats a little, he is always serious and he seems distant.”
Wei Wuxian frowned. “It couldn’t be because of me, Sizhui. Lan Zhan has always been very serious.”
“I don’t know, Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui said.
What if Lan Zhan missed me just as much as I missed him? Wei Wuxian thought suddenly. He shook his head and didn’t entertain the idea further.
Soon the kitchen’s building came into view. Wei Wuxian made his way inside with confidence, even though he rarely stepped into one. Back at Lotus Pier he wasn’t allowed entry due to making a mess just one time, but so far no one knew about his skills at the Cloud Recesses. He looked around with interest, greeting the kitchen staff. Everything seemed a little unfamiliar to him, even the look of the dishes. He had always remembered the Gusu Lan cuisine with its blandness, making the short duration of his residence here even more unpalatable.
“Please don’t touch anything,” Jingyi told him, handing the basket of persimmons to another disciple. “I don’t want Grandmaster Lan to kill me.”
Wei Wuxian snorted with amusement and patted Lan Jingyi on the back in sympathy. “You should help me then. I want to prepare something for Lan Zhan.”
“What do you have in mind, Senior Wei?” Lan Sizhui asked with excitement.
“Can you even cook?” Lan Jingyi blurted out with a confused face.
“Nope,” he said, grinning widely. “But I have a great taste. I’ll tell you what to do.”
“I want to help!” Sizhui exclaimed.
Lan Jingyi looked at Lan Sizhui, then at Wei Wuxian. “Ugh, fine.”
Wei Wuxian hugged them both, drawing them close to himself, and whispered, “Do you want to know a secret?”
The boys gazed at him with wonder. Wei Wuxian always managed to hold their attention, even if whatever he said was complete gibberish. “I’ve tasted food from all over the world, but do you know what is the best I’ve ever eaten?” He paused, watching their eager faces.
“What?” Jingyi asked impatiently.
Wei Wuxian smiled. “Nothing tastes better than when it’s made by someone who loves you.”
The boys were silent for a moment, contemplating Wei Wuxian’s words.
“I didn’t know you were so sentimental,” Lan Jingyi said finally.
“It’s the plain truth,” Wei Wuxian said. “Ask anyone. Their favourite meals are all made by their mothers, sisters, husbands and children.” He would kill to have some of Jiang Yanli’s lotus root and pork ribs soup again. No one has ever made it as well as her.
“Does that mean you love Hanguang-jun, Senior?” Lan Sizhui asked. He gave Wei Wuxian a knowing smile.
Wei Wuxian blushed with his whole body. He hadn’t expected this to be the outcome of his pep talk. He rubbed his nose, feeling embarrassed and looked away. “A-Yuan, I didn’t raise you to be like this,” Wei Wuxian murmured. He changed the topic quickly before they could shame him further. “We’ll be making reganmian today.”
“I don’t think Hanguang-jun will appreciate something spicy,” Lan Jingyi said, hearing its name.
“It’s not all that spicy,” Wei Wuxian said. “The noodles just don’t have a broth and they are served hot. It’s a popular snack on the streets of Yunmeng. I had it a lot as a child, and my shijie knew how to make them too.”
“I’ve tasted them before,” Lan Sizhui said. “I beg to differ, but we don’t have to use a lot of chili oil.”
“You had?” Wei Wuxian clapped with joy. He had to ask Sizhui what his experience of Yunmeng was like. He wished he could have been there with them, but he was unwilling to get too close to Lotus Pier. “Then you know what we’re making.”
“I think Hanguang-jun would be happy to try something from Yunmeng, Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui said.
“I hope so,” Wei Wuxian said. He knew Lan Wangji was reluctant to try new things. He just wanted to make him something special, and reganmian was the easiest dish he could think of to make. Besides, what was more comforting than a warm bowl of noodles, coated richly in sauce? Wei Wuxian’s mouth watered just thinking about it. Thankfully, he had watched Jiang Yanli make them before, so he wasn’t totally lost as to what to do.
They worked on the noodles throughout the rest of the day, kneading and rolling the dough. It took a while to get the texture right, and nighttime had fallen by the time they were done. They left the dough to rest the whole night. They were all covered in flour, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t quite manage to get the stains out of his black robes. The next day when he entered the kitchen the young Lans were already there. Sleepily he looked at the first batch of noodles enmeshed in a ball. He smiled and exclaimed proudly, “They look great!”
“I’m never doing this again,” Lan Jingyi said, making them laugh.
It was late in the afternoon when Lan Wangji came back. Wei Wuxian was tossing the noodles in sesame oil when he entered the kitchen, startling them all. Lan Wangji seemed equally surprised to find them there. “Wei Ying?” he asked with wonder.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed with both joy and nervousness and threw himself into Lan Wangji’s arms. Lan Wangji caught him easily, taking a small step back from the force of Wei Wuxian’s embrace. Wei Wuxian hadn’t noticed how fast time had flown. He wanted to surprise Lan Wangji, so he waved at Sizhui and Jingyi to hide their food. The boys moved conspicuously in front of their work area. “You’re back early,” Wei Wuxian whispered.
Lan Wangji squeezed him tightly. Wei Wuxian parted from their embrace to look at Lan Wangji. His face was red, probably from the cold. Wei Wuxian had forgotten to return his coat; he kept wearing it and he should probably give it back. He bounced on his feet and said, “You won’t believe what I did today.”
Lan Wangji stared at him for a moment, then ran his fingers through Wei Wuxian’s hair, cleaning something that had apparently stuck to it. “Did you cook?”
“Mhm,” Wei Wuxian said, pleased, and beamed. “I want to have dinner with you,” he said, “like I promised.”
Lan Wangji seemed to smile a little. “Mn. Are you ready?”
“Not yet. But you can go, I’ll finish here.”
Lan Wangji hesitated a little but nodded. “I will see you soon.”
“Senior Wei,” Sizhui interrupted them. “Me and Jingyi can complete the dish if you want. You can go with Hanguang-jun.”
Wei Wuxian smiled at him in gratitude. “You’re really great, Sizhui, Jingyi” he said and patted them on the shoulder. “Thank you.”
Lan Wangji led him outside. To his surprise, snow was falling gently. He felt Lan Wangji cover his head with the hood of the cloak.
“Lan Zhan,” he said, unfastening the cloak. “I’m sorry, I forgot to return it.”
“Keep it,” Lan Wangji said. Wei Wuxian didn’t need to be told twice. He clasped Lan Wangji’s hand and squeezed it.
“You are quiet,” Lan Wangji commented as they walked. The snow brushed Wei Wuxian’s cheeks as he looked up at Lan Wangji.
“I’m thinking,” Wei Wuxian said and smiled at Lan Wangji. “I’ve missed you and A-Yuan. I’ve heard you’ve gone on night-hunts together. He is excellent, isn’t he?”
“Mn.”
“I’m sad I missed it,” Wei Wuxian said quietly.
“You are here now,” Lan Wangji said.
But for how long?
Wei Wuxian had seen so many wonderful places, had travelled far and wide, but he never felt at home.
The Jingshi hadn’t changed and Wei Wuxian felt a comfortable sense of familiarity at the sight of it. When they entered, the scent of sandalwood hit him strongly. He removed the cloak and sat down as Lan Wangji prepared him a flower-scented tea. Soon, someone knocked on the door and Lan Wangji brought a tray with their dishes. They were covered and Wei Wuxian sat up with excitement.
“Come, sit down, Lan Zhan.”
Around them candles burnt warmly and Wei Wuxian revealed the meals to Lan Wangji. “Ta dah!”
The warming talismans kept the food hot and fresh and it smelled so fragrant that his mouth watered immediately and his belly rumbled. Two full plates of noodles and a bowl of cut persimmon wedges. He couldn’t wait to dig in. “It’s reganmian, Lan Zhan. I wanted to make something from home. Me and the boys made the noodles,” he said happily. “I hope they are okay…”
“You have made it for me. I will love it.”
Wei Wuxian blushed, and said, “You’re indulging me, Lan Zhan.”
“Nonsense.”
“If you like it, I’ll make it for you every day.”
“Mn. Every day,” Lan Zhan repeated.
Wei Wuxian was sure he wouldn’t want to eat the same thing every day, but he liked how cute Lan Wangji was when he agreed with him. “It was so hard, Lan Zhan,” he said suddenly, “My hands hurt a lot.”
Lan Wangji held his chopsticks and picked at a noodle, observing it. “They look well to me.”
“A-Yuan was so good; he taught me how to do everything. Where do you think he learned all that stuff, Lan Zhan? It’s certainly not from me, haha.”
Lan Wangji looked thoughtful for a moment, then a small frown appeared on his face. “Perhaps he spends time in the kitchens and I have not noticed.”
Wei Wuxian hummed thoughtfully. Then he urged Lan Wangji to eat, noticing his mood changing. He wondered how much time Lan Wangji actually spent working, dealing with sect affairs. Perhaps he was also unable to spend much time with the people he loved. Wei Wuxian grabbed the bottle of chili oil and poured it over his noodles. He noticed Lan Wangji watching him with an affectionate look and squirmed.
“I have brought something for you,” Lan Wangji said. He took out a bottle of Emperor’s Smile he had stored secretly and Wei Wuxian watched with amusement.
“Breaking the rules, Lan Zhan, aren’t you?” Wei Wuxian teased. Lan Wangji had bought it for him and kept it away, just to please him. It made him too happy and he wanted to kiss Lan Wangji on the spot.
“It’s for you,” Lan Wangji said.
Wei Wuxian asked, “Are you drinking with me?”
“Do you want me to?”
Huh, what sort of question was that? Lan Wangji didn’t handle his alcohol very well but he was very fun when he was drunk. Wei Wuxian didn’t know if he wanted a sober or drunk Lan Wangji to be his company tonight so he shrugged. Lan Wangji brought the cup of tea to his lips and poured Wei Wuxian a drink. Then he tasted the noodles.
Wei Wuxian watched him raptly as he ate. “How is it?”
Lan Wangji smiled—a small thing that brightened his whole face and Wei Wuxian’s heart skipped a beat at the sight. He clutched at his chest and Lan Wangji looked at him with concern. Wei Wuxian asked impatiently, “So you liked it?”
“Mn. It is excellent,” he said.
Wei Wuxian sighed with relief. He tasted the wine; it was strong and spicy and a pleasant buzz of warmth filled his body. “You know me so well, Lan Zhan.”
They ate silently for a while; Lan Wangji savoured his meal slowly and Wei Wuxian devoured his own. He was pleasantly full by the end and leaned back on his hands with a sigh. He watched Lan Wangji in the flickering candle light, how his skin glowed and his eyes shone golden. He was a very beautiful man. While he was travelling, Wei Wuxian had taken to sketching Lan Wangji from memory: his expressions, his posture, how he fought, and how he looked at him. He must have collected so many scrolls full of drawings but he kept them to himself.
Lan Zhan noticed he was staring and asked him something. Wei Wuxian was smiling at the memories, and blurted, “You look nice.”
“You look nice too,” Lan Zhan replied and Wei Wuxian’s smile widened. He was clearly embarrassed and Wei Wuxian knew he was blushing right now. He wanted to touch and feel the warmth of his rosy cheeks.
“You can try the persimmons too,” Wei Wuxian said.
Lan Wangji looked at the orange fruit with interest and Wei Wuxian held back a chuckle. Lan Wangji was adorable. He reached out and caressed Lan Wangji’s chin playfully. Lan Wangi’s eyes widened.
“I knew you liked sweet food,” Wei Wuxian said. He took a bite from a persimmon piece and savoured the taste. “Will you refuse me this time, Lan Zhan?” he asked.
Lan Wangji reached out, taking hold of his wrist and brought it close to his face, taking a bite from the persimmon. His hand was warm and firm. The juice coated his lips, making them glisten. He let go of Wei Wuxian and brought a napkin to his lips, cleaning himself. Wei Wuxian ate the rest of the persimmon, licking his lips. He picked another piece and watched Lan Wangji reach out for one himself with an affectionate smile.
“It’s nice that we’re bonding like this,” Wei Wuxian said and leaned his elbow on the table, propping his chin in his hand. “Wanna play a game?”
Lan Wangji set his plate aside and asked a little suspiciously, “What kind of game?”
Wei Wuxian chuckled. “Worried, Er-gege?”
Lan Wangji didn’t reply. Wei Wuxian suggested a game he had played with his shidi back at Lotus Pier, but he decided to change it a little.
“I will ask you questions and you must answer truthfully,” Wei Wuxian said, ”but if you don’t want to answer, you have to kiss me.”
Lan Wangji’s expression suddenly froze and Wei Wuxian noticed the tips of his ears going red. Wei Wuxian slowly realised what he had asked of Lan Wangji. He started stammering, “I…uh…not on…anywhere is fine,” he concluded, looking away from Lan Wangji and chuckling. “I mean, you don’t even have to kiss me if you don’t want to.” He scratched at his nose, took a deep breath and asked, “Well?”
Lan Wangji agreed, to Wei Wuxian’s amazement. “You too,” Lan Wangji said quietly but clearly, making Wei Wuxian jump.
Yes, this is a reciprocal game. Of course.
How was he going to kiss Lan Wangji without losing his composure?
“I’ll go first,” Wei Wuxian said. “What’s the name of that one song you sang to me?”
Lan Wangji inclined his head as if in a question.
“You know what I’m talking about, Lan Zhan.”
“Mn,” Lan Wangji agreed. Then he took hold of Wei Wuxian’s wrist, bringing his hand closer to his mouth and Wei Wuxian couldn’t think.
“May I?” Lan Wangji asked as his warm breath brushed Wei Wuxian’s clenched fingers. Wei Wuxian nodded after a moment, sucking in a breath when Lan Wangji’s kiss gently touched his fingers. The skin on his hand tingled and Wei Wuxian wondered how soft Lan Wangji’s lips were.
“L-Lan Zhan! Why didn’t you answer?” Wei Wuxian asked, as if he wasn’t the one who had come up with the rule.
“I didn’t want to,” Lan Wangji said simply. He didn’t let go of Wei Wuxian’s hand and placed their intertwined hands to rest over the table. “What do you think the song is called?”
Wei Wuxian’s heart was beating fast. He tried to ignore Lan Wangji’s warm fingers putting slight pressure on his skin. “Wangji’s sad ballad? Love song? Three thousand rules won’t hold back my love for you, oh, sweet maiden,” Wei Wuxian said, joking to ease a little of the tension. “I can think of hundreds, and they’re all bad. You’re not very inventive with names.”
Lan Wangji shook his head slightly. His hand tightened and Wei Wuxian’s gaze flickered to it. “Was there a reason you cooked for me?” he asked.
Wei Wuxian laughed. “Am I suspicious to you, Lan Zhan? Can’t I do something nice for you?” At Lan Wangji’s blank face, Wei Wuxian continued to giggle. He reached out, lightly pinching Lan Wangji’s cheek. Lan Wangji caught his wrist. He seemed gravely offended which made Wei Wuxian laugh harder. He let go of his hands, placing them on top of his lap and Wei Wuxian missed their casual touch, his laughter dying slowly.
“If it’s from a sense of gratitude, there is no need,” Lan Wangji said, surprising him. “You are always welcome at the Cloud Recesses.”
Wei Wuxian’s smile turned bitter. He stared at their empty bowls for a moment and said, “I genuinely want to make you happy, Lan Zhan. That’s all.”
A warm hand cupped his cheek and Wei Wuxian looked up in surprise.
“You have made me happy,” Lan Wangji said. He held Wei Wuxian’s gaze as if he was speaking directly to his soul. Wei Wuxian thought their game was getting much too serious, but he couldn’t stop it. Lan Wangji’s warm touch left him and he felt the tingling on his cheek after it was gone. He asked quietly something that had been on his mind, blurting it out, unable to stop himself. “Have you thought of me, Lan Zhan,” he whispered, “did you miss me?”
The metal plate of his ribbon caught the light of the flickering candle. Lan Wangji’s eyes shone, bright and warm. His hair framed his pale face like the night sky wrapped around the moon. He started to lean forward and Wei Wuxian waited with bated breath, closing his eyes. He felt a soft brush on his cheek. Lan Wangji had placed a kiss there. His skin prickled and his heart was beating fast. He had forgotten his question. When he looked again, Lan Wangji was still close. He had moved and was sitting next to Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure what was happening. What were Lan Wangji’s intentions? Was it actually what Wei Wuxian thought? He gulped thickly. “Lan Zhan,” he said, “you didn’t answer again.”
“You know the answer,” Lan Wangji said.
Wei Wuxian really wanted to kiss him. “Will you ask me anything?” he said.
“How long will you stay?”
Wei Wuxian bit his lip. “For however long you will have me.”
“Wei Ying…” Lan Wangji started, struggling to articulate his deeply-held feelings. “Forever. You have carved a place for yourself in my heart.”
“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said, “if you don’t kiss me I will—“
Lan Wangji’s lips on his cut him off. Wei Wuxian felt like his world had righted itself again. He moved on top of Lan Wangji’s lap and embraced him. They kissed for a while, relishing in the sense of one another, and when they parted, Lan Wangji buried his face in Wei Wuxian’s neck. Wei Wuxian caressed his hair, smiling. “I’ll never leave now, Lan Zhan.”
“Mn,” Lan Wangji hummed, pressing his mouth to his skin.
Wei Wuxian hugged him closely. He finally felt like he had come home.