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When Yel returned to their dorm, it was already past midnight. The place was quiet, blanketed in the kind of silence that usually came with sleep, except for a faint flicker of light from the living room. Curious, he padded closer and found Steven sitting on the couch, posture soft, like he’d been waiting for someone. Been waiting for him.
The moment Steven heard footsteps, napaangat siya ng tingin.
“Hey,” Ven breathed out with a small smile.
Yel inhaled sharply, his heart swelling at the sight of his boyfriend still awake, patiently waiting for him. He smiled, warm and genuine, despite the visible fatigue on his face. Without a word, he stepped closer and straddled Ven’s lap. Instinctively, Steven’s arms wrapped around his waist, steadying him.
"Hi, hyungie. Bakit gising ka pa, hm?" Yel whispered against Ven’s neck as he hugged him tighter.
Steven leaned down and kissed the crown of his head, his fingers tracing lazy lines along Yel’s spine. "Hmm... just waiting for my pretty angel. How are you? Did you have fun?" Ven asked in a hushed tone, like they were in their own little bubble—the moment so sacred they wanted to be lost in it. Quiet. Peaceful. Just the two of them.
“Yeah. It was fun,” Yel beamed. “I realized I need to work twice as hard to give back all the love we receive from our fans. Alam mo bang madaling araw pa lang nakapila na sila sa mall? Tapos—” and there goes Ven’s endlessly talkative baby. He just let him talk and talk, tell him about his day, about what made him happy, what made him feel so loved, what inspired him. And Ven loved to listen. He always loved how JL was open with him like this, trusting him with his whole heart.
But then he heard something that made him freeze, his fingers halting against Yel’s back.
"Tapos sila Gab and Yen... I just wanna say I’m so proud of them. My heart was full when I got to hug and talk to them kanina. Tapos si Justin—did you know he's blonde now? Got a new haircut, too. Tapos he’s—hey… Ven. What’s wrong?"
Yel paused mid-ramble when he felt Ven stiffen like a statue and stop rubbing his back. When he looked up, he saw Ven’s clenched jaw and his eyes avoiding his own.
Fuck.
JL knew what got him like this.
He didn’t realize. He was just too happy. Too comfortable with Steven. Too in love with him that he trusted him with his whole life. Everything that happened in his day, he was used to telling his boyfriend. But the moment he realized something was wrong, he gently cupped Steven’s cheeks.
He caressed Ven’s face carefully, letting his thumb brush against the coldness of his skin. He turned Steven to face him, but still, Ven wouldn’t meet his eyes.
"Hyung."
No answer.
JL clicked his tongue softly. He wanted to know what’s going on inside Steven’s head right now.
"Hyung, look at me. Please," Yel whispered on his lips. He pressed their foreheads together, and JL closed his eyes when he felt Steven so close. He shivered at the contact of their skin. Steven had this effect on him. He was utterly in love with this man.
And just as he closed his eyes, Steven’s slowly fluttered open. That’s when he saw the angel in front of him. So beautiful and radiant. He thought he didn’t deserve someone like JL. He was a beauty. A boy with a heart of gold. Someone who deserved better. But JL always assured him. Always said that he was the perfect match for him. That he was someone worth taking risks for. Someone he could see in his future.
And Steven believed him.
JL’s eyes fluttered open again, lashes almost brushing Steven’s as he realized Steven was already looking at him—dazed and utterly in love.
"Hyung. Talk to me. If something’s bothering you, tell me. You told me we should always share our worries, right?" JL left a kiss on the side of Ven’s lips before whispering against them, "Did I say something that upset you?" His thumbs kept brushing the apples of Ven’s cheeks.
Ven sighed heavily before he started tracing circles along JL’s back again, his other hand on his waist, firm and secure, as if he was afraid JL would slip away from his grasp.
"I just... I kept thinking about the what-ifs, angel." JL waited patiently. He knew his hyung might appear playful in public, but when it came to things like this, he found it hard to express himself. So JL was ever patient. Always waiting. Always understanding where Steven was coming from—because he wanted this relationship to work, just like how Steven had willingly taken the risks just for them to work.
"Justin... He..." Steven took a shaky breath. "He’s been your greatest love, Yel. And I can’t help but think… What if he didn’t get scared? What if he was brave enough to tell you how he truly felt before you joined UL? The way I see it, he has feelings for you too." This time, Steven wrapped both arms around Yel’s tiny waist, pulling him even closer.
"I saw the clips, Yel. Saw how he softly caressed you, like he missed you. I saw regret—I just know one when I see one. He’s kind of awkward with you, too. I know there were feelings there that he never let out, not because he couldn't, but because he already lost the opportunity to do so, and I think he hasn’t moved on."
Steven hugged him tighter and left a chaste kiss on Yel’s parted lips.
"I just… I suddenly felt scared, Yel. Scared that you might slip away when I’m not there or when I’m not looking. I don’t even know why. I’m not jealous. I don’t have attachment issues, but when it comes to you, nothing makes sense. I just want what’s best for you—always. I’m scared that one day, you’ll realize I’m not the one for you."
And just like that, Yel cried. Steven was startled and quickly wiped his tears with his thumb, his own eyes starting to grow glassy too.
Oh, JL loved this man so much. Ven always thought of his well-being. It hurt to hear these words from his lips. It just meant he wasn’t doing a good enough job of loving Ven properly. But tonight, he’d make sure that Ven would only think of him—only him and no one else.
"Steven, you became my light on that dark and lonely road. Coming here alone to pursue my dreams was scary. Doing it alone was scary—but you became my anchor. You were always there—guiding me, helping me, being my shoulder to cry on, being one of my greatest comforts. I fell in love with you because of your pure heart and soul. You mended my broken heart without even trying. You just did it, and the next thing I knew, I had already moved on and you were the only one I could think about." Yel pressed another kiss on Ven’s lips. They both closed their eyes, feeling the warmth and love between them. A lone tear rolled down Steven’s cheek, and JL caught it immediately, kissing the tear away.
"I’m sorry if I’ve fallen short in showing you how much I love you—"
He was cut off by Steven’s raw yet firm voice.
"Shhh… no, angel. What are you saying? You’re enough. You’ve shown your love enough. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and I can see your love from a mile away. These are just my insecurities speaking."
JL shook his head. He rubbed his nose against Steven’s. "No. I want you to listen, and I want you to understand, hyung. Makinig ka sa’king mabuti."
JL paused, leaned back slightly, and looked at Steven like he was his entire world.
"Steven, if he was the wave that tried to drown me, you were the shore I finally reached."
Yel’s eyes dropped to Steven’s lips, brushing his fingers against them, unable to stop himself.
"I released that song to serve as a final goodbye. I’ve finally acknowledged those feelings I carried for a while—and I willingly let them go, because I know I deserved better. Then you came along. Sinong mag-aakalang ikaw pala ang magiging huling hantungan ko noong lumalaot ako? Ikaw ang destinasyon ko. Sayo ako dinala ng mga alon, Steven. You were the shore waiting for me all this time—the place where I finally found my footing. Solid, safe, and constant."
Steven, hearing all of this, cried fresh tears. His heart beat faster—thumping loudly in his chest. Only JL made him feel like this, and he didn’t want to let it go. He loved his angel so much it hurt.
"So what I’m saying is… please stay with me forever. You are my comfort place. I don’t want to go back to the harsh waves, to the darkness, all alone." JL kept wiping away Steven’s tears.
And finally, Steven confessed in his own way. He leaned into JL’s touch, letting himself feel every gentle stroke. His voice trembled, barely more than a whisper.
"Then I won’t let go. Not now, not ever. You taught me what it means to breathe again, to hope again. If I am your comfort, then you are my light, my reason. I’ll stay with you until the sea is still—and even long after that."
Steven brushed his nose against JL’s wet cheek, lips ghosting against his.
"You are home to me."
JL couldn’t help it. Sasabog na ang puso niya. He kissed Steven deeply, with everything he had, letting it say the rest. Letting him know na siya lang. Na wala nang iba. Na sa kanya lang si JL nang buong-buo.
And Steven understood the message completely. He let out a soft chuckle against JL’s lips before deepening the kiss, pouring into it a silent devotion—a vow whispered without words.
A vow to keep JL from ever being swept away by the waves again, to shelter him in the safety of his arms, and never let him slip through his fingers.
A vow to himself that only JL would ever own the kind of love that asks for nothing in return, yet gives everything.
A vow to the universe to find Yel in every lifetime, in every universe that exists, just to make sure he’d never have to drown alone.
And a sacred vow to the heavens: that in this lifetime, and all the ones that will follow, he would only ever love one man.
Only JL. Always JL.
